And The Geek Shall Inherit The Earth
by MotherHeninFlorida
Summary: Based on the book of the same title only with an apocalyptic twist.
1. Prologue Part 1

**Part One: Getting With the Program (or The Prologue)**

 _(part 1 of 3)_

Once upon a time the Pretty People ruled the world. Don't believe me? Well, maybe you don't if you've only made it to your Extended-Study or Apprenticeship years. But if you are closer to my age you should, though it is probably buried deep down with the rest of the sweetly painful memories of "Before."

For those of you who don't remember, you might be surprised that some of the stories from Before that your community elders have probably terrorized you with are actually based in fact. In the Before, the way you looked was important. Your hair, your shape, your skin, the way you talked and how you dressed could close and open the doors of opportunity fast … especially if you knew other pretty people who were willing to help you along. That was what "networking" used to mean, very different from what it means today. In good times networking was easy but in the bad times looking good and being pretty was even more important because there were fewer prizes being competed for by an ever greater number of people. It wasn't so much what you knew but who you knew … unless it was what you knew about who you knew if you catch my drift.

Because of this, and because a lot of people had rather out of sync priorities, the plastic surgery industry was one of the few recession proof markets out there and not just because it was being supported by a bunch of children of rich people whose IQ points seemed to drop in direct proportion to their available line of credit. Nope. Even your normal Joe and Jane Average types used a lot of their discretionary income to "fix themselves up." If it wasn't plastic surgery it was the latest diet fade, hair care product, wrinkle and spot remover, and/or memberships at a gym where a buff personal trainer had to work you twice as hard to get a sweat up because the whole building was air conditioned for comfort.

And it was everywhere. What was called the United States of America had its share of course and there were the ever increasing number of cases of diet fade and/or surgery-addictions … yeah, that's what they called it, "an addiction" … but at least they paid lip service to the fact that a fixation on your looks was unhealthy. They had all sorts of "rules" about how old someone could be to have surgery and the types of licenses the surgeon was required to have. There were supposed to be real reasons why a ten year old needed liposuction or a seven year old needed rhinoplasty done. But the rules didn't always apply to everyone. Search out the right doctor and pay enough money and you could have anything you wanted … or look anyway your parents wanted you to look. After all pretty people had pretty children, or at least that was the way the fairy tales told it.

And if you couldn't get it here you could go to places called Rio de Janeiro, New Delhi, or Sao Paolo and get it done cheaper. Look on the old maps and you'll find where these places were located back then. In some countries the plastic surgery industry was actually a significant part of their GDP (gross domestic product). The USofA was the top of five for "aesthetic procedures" worldwide; just under eighteen percent of all of the procedures done per year. Naturally, we had that place I'm sure everyone has heard about called Old Hollywood; and, all of the fixations of the advertising industry and the gotta-be-the-best-gotta-have-all-the-advantages attitude that still ran pretty strong even though we were slipping in global influence. There were too many "pretties" feeling guilty for ruling the world and too many "mental uglies" determined to make sure that the "pretties" paid for their elitist superiority regardless of how that affected the rest of us.

When Brazil was still an independent country it came in next in that worldwide measurement at nearly fifteen percent. Next came China of all places at thirteen percent; I never did understand that one. They aren't much different today socially than they were back then though their population centers have all collapsed. I guess all of that communist equality stuff really didn't address people's hearts and minds like they claimed back then. And they sure as heck denied the existence of a soul; if possible even more so than they do today. Then India, which currently holds the highest number of seats in the Indo-Subcontinent Council, was once a completely independent republic and followed the trend with eight percent of the global "aesthetic procedures. And Mexico – part of the wasteland that is now called the Corredor de la Droga – had five percent of that market.

Crazy? I thought so then and still do even though things have changed so much. But I don't know as I haven't begun to feel really sorry for all of those pretty people now, not that many of them survived the transition years. Plastic surgery had its place obviously; physical trauma of some type, repairing cleft palates and other birth defects to provide a better quality of life, reconstructive surgery after tumor removal or wound repair. I'm not one that categorically considers plastic surgery "deviant" no matter what some members of the New Congress try to say; but plastic surgery for simple aesthetics has a bad habit of needing to be redone after so many years which has put the artificial pretties at a social and economic disadvantage once people recognize the social group they once belonged to.

There aren't that many left anymore. The Research and Implementation Branch of the government has managed to overcome a lot of the damage suffered after the Before, but life expectancy is still way down for most Geo Areas. And depending on your health care history you can be put on a triage care list that lowers your life expectancy even more.

Aesthetic procedures are right up there with working in the wastelands for getting you kicked back to the end of the line for all but the most basic palliative care. The decisions of the Life Review Panels don't always make sense. Plug in some data, insert you ID card, and an unemotional computer lets you know what you qualify for and specific reasons why you get denied access to certain types of activities and/or medical care. Even the air-quality in all of the resident zones that you have lived in are taken into account.

Aesthetic procedures have had a much different impact on people's lives than they could have ever anticipated. In the Before there were the temporary fixes like Botox – gag, I never did understand shooting botulism into yourself to freeze your muscles – or that stuff they would shoot into lips to make them look puffy and kissable and sometimes just came out looking like a salmon that had run face first into a dam. I won't cover what it was supposed to do when the same stuff was shot into buttocks. Then of course you had the people that wanted to look younger with their nips, tucks and lifts.

But the looking younger or "prettier" only lasted for a few years because eventually the aging process caught up, sometimes with disastrous results; asymmetrical aging, paper thin skin that had lost all of its natural elasticity, implants or tattoos that migrated at the whim of gravity. Today the aging of enhanced features is a social stigma with broad consequences. I heard on the Tri-V the other day that they'd finally signed a law giving the remaining "pretties" their own reservation out in the middle of the Mid-Wasteland Zone. I'd like to say that I'm a big enough person that I don't get any satisfaction from that … I'd like to say it but in all honesty sometimes my humanity gets in the way of my compassion and it's like I'm sixteen all over again, on the outside looking in. The irony in that doesn't escape me.

But I'm completely getting off the subject of why I started writing this history down. I was at the town library today and some of the new in-print books had arrived. They cost the town a considerable amount of creds … ebooks and readers are much less expensive and are more in line with current Envirospace building codes … but the town committee thought it worth the price when someone suggested it might draw some pass-through tourism by riders waiting for a connection at the light rail station that was built out at what I remember as the old municipal airport.

I have to admit I was just as interested as all the rest and it gave me an excuse to push my normal schedule up a week. I've collected and read every book I have been able to get my hands on over the years – not that I've actually advertised that fact to the townies – but the chance to see something that was written and paper-published since the Transition Years was a temptation I had no intention of fighting.

It took me longer than I had intended to get there, I threw a track on the kettengrad which is the only vehicle I'll drive to town, and my bursitis was acting up again. Once I finally put a foot in the door I didn't think I was going to get near the printed novelties until I realized that mostly it was just the graphic novels everyone was waiting their turn to see with their vivid colors that were magnified even more by being on the smooth white pages.

I'd never been much for graphic novels. They were OK but I could never decide whether it was the artwork that got in the way of the story or the story that got in the way of the artwork. I was going to leave disappointed when I noticed a couple of books all but being ignored after a brief glance by most of the other patrons. Turned out they didn't have any pictures in them at all. The title of the one that really drew me was This New World, I thought at first it was a science fiction/fantasy novel.

It was fiction and fantasy all right but it wasn't meant to be taken that way. It was a history book co-written by a retired member of the New Congress and some up and comer that had taken his place. What a bag of methane; after only the briefest of looks I realized they are already rewriting history. I suppose it was inevitable; the winners always write the history books and I'd already noticed it popping up here and there in the few Tri-V shows I bother to watch, but it did surprise me how quickly and brazenly they are now doing it. So much for the "truth in advertising" brigade that was trotted out a couple of years ago. The bibliography and notes had so few credible sources that I told the Head Librarian (and everyone within earshot) that they had wasted town money and the book would do more good as compost.

A bright "I'll make sure and put a note of that for everyone's information" met my words by some silly bit of fluff that was manning the card catalog. Of course as an Elder they have to at least pretend to listen to me but too many of the young people only pay lip service to our experience these days. I left a message for the full Elder Council before I came home but it was only to warn them not to read the book unless they wanted to risk being admitted to extended care after a heart attack.

A lot of us still remember. A lot of us still have old hurts that are still hard to leave forgotten though for the most part we've tried to forgive so that we can get on with the act of living. But it worries me that without clear eyes and vision we'll be doomed to repeat the mistakes of the past. After all, if you don't know where you come from, how do you know where you're going?

I'm far from being the oldest Elder on the Council. In fact most of them consider me a "young 'un" yet and I was only invited because of how things had turned out. Looking in the mirror never bothered me but I have to admit I know I look older than my grandmother did at this age. In truth I'm not so old that I should be thinking of writing my memoirs but if things keep going the way that book seemed to indicate too many things that should be remembered will be forgotten by too many. I just want make sure that my own story, my little piece of history, doesn't just fade away for lack of me putting it into words before I'm gone. And it will be on paper, electronic files are too easily deleted or damaged these days.


	2. Prologue Part 2

**Prologue Part 2 of 3**

As you can probably guess I wasn't one of the pretty people. Oh no one called me a hag and even if they had my own psyche was free of the stuff that turned kids to anorexia and bulimia or cutting or whatever else it was they did to try and take back some control. On the other hand, I was under no illusions that I'd ever give Snow White, Cinderella, or Princess Aurora a run for their money and I was OK with that.

Where I grew up class distinction was still alive and well but it was never openly acknowledged except by us kids. The two primary groups were the "Pretties" and the … well, lots of derogatory words were used but I'll just call the second group the "Not Pretties." Under both of these groups existed subcultures … jocks, geeks, Goths, gamers, druggies, rednecks, blue bloods, rich, poor, "good girls," "bad boys" … just about anything you found in the adult world you could find its doppelganger in the adolescent social circles.

All you had to do was look around as you were walking down the halls between classes and you'd find just about every stereotype ever portrayed in any teen entertainment flick in history; and most of the kids lived in just as big a fantasy world. Verbal altercations over whether Katniss should have wound up with Gale or Peeta were fairly common. And before that they argued over whether Hermione would wind up with Harry or with Ron. For a while there you could find even the most level headed girls arguing about Edward vs. Jacob … like vampires and werewolves really existed. I never got it. Sure, the books were kind of entertaining but they were fiction; to me real people were ten times more interesting than those make believe characters.

The invisible lines were drawn early in life and rarely did a person escape their label after entering middle school. But not everyone conformed to these make believe classes of people any more than people had at any time in history. I was a born nonconformist. Not in a militant sense by any stretch, I actually liked rules and regulations and knowing who was in charge and how the game was supposed to be played. But I was a social nonconformist and that wasn't always appreciated. Only the cynicism and the weird sense of humor that my father had genetically imprinted me with helped me to survive those years with my feelings mostly intact.

One of the biggest complaints that seemed to relegate me to having lots of acquaintances but few really good friends was that people had a hard time pegging me into a hole. My parents were well liked but not well off. I had my own car; not as a gift from my parents but because I worked like a dog to get it. I could dance, sing, draw, and play an instrument but wasn't invested in the arts enough to care anything about being in band, choir, or the art club. I was a good girl but every jock and bad boy in school made it a point to stay in my good graces. Like Aston Rogers, one of the linebackers on our school football team said, it wasn't my looks or charming personality; it was the free tutoring I'd given nearly all of them at one time or another. I was a geek that could hold my own in the chess club, AV club, and in the computer lab … but my normal weekend occupations had me outside getting a healthy tan and building muscles rather than sitting in front of a gaming console. I'll admit I kind of wallowed in what I considered my uniqueness a bit. I had a superiority complex like most of the kids my age and predilection; it took some major heartache before I came to understand that my non-conformity was just a mask for an unhealthy dose of arrogance.

Despite the latent arrogance I was a normal kid and my family was pretty normal as well. Oh, my folks had their quirks but I don't think a kid has ever lived that hasn't viewed at least some of the stuff their parents did a little cross-eyed.

My mom was a "pretty." The difference was that she was naturally beautiful both inside and out and I'm not just saying that because she was my mother. Supposedly I looked like her but I never did manage to measure up to her measurements if you catch my drift. I took after her in coloring and in my facial features but the rest of me was built more like my grandmothers and their mothers; sturdy like a Tennessee mule. I guess that's the kind of women that my grandfathers and great grandfathers liked though because they had enough kids between 'em to make it seem like I was a cousin either by birth or marriage to just about every family in the tri-county area. I once heard my father say that it was a wonder there weren't two-headed, six-toed kids in every classroom at County Consolidated.

My dad was good looking too but he'd come into it only after he'd matured a bit … like fine wine or smooth whiskey. He wasn't real tall so he couldn't be one of the highest ranking pretty people but he had dark, wavy hair, a manly build and these incredible eyes that made him a real target for female attention. He never let it go to his head though because in high school he'd been just as geeky looking as you could get and still be a good ol' boy. He said that kept him grounded and by then he and Mom were sweethearts on their way to wedded bliss before Mom was even out of high school. Yeah, I know, sounds weird but life was different then and my immediate family was considered kind of backwards anyway.

My Dad came from a family that were farmers, didn't have a lot of money, and because of that college just wasn't in the cards for him despite the fact that he used to read the encyclopedia for pleasure and win all sorts of oratory awards in school. Mom … I loved her but I have to be honest … she was clever and talented in her own way - could do all sorts of needlework, could cook like a dream, and she could look at a plant and it would beg to do her bidding - but she wasn't exactly into the academic thing. Dad had to help her finish high school; she just didn't have the ambition for it. All she wanted was a home of her own and a man of her own that would help her get it. Dad was more than happy to be that guy.

Mom's family were farmers too. Dad lived with his grandparents and their farm was next door to Mom's parents' farm. Dad used to say that Granddaddy kept the meanest bulls in the pasture between the two farms just so he would have to walk all the way up the road, down the highway, and then back up Mom's road to go courting her. Granddaddy was the kind of guy that used to say anything worth having is worth working for and I have a feeling Dad was right … 'cause Granddaddy could be all shades of mischievous.

Here's the thing though, despite our family's background and what most people would think that would lead to, Dad had expectations of me beyond being one of the next generation of farmers. Maybe even because of that his expectations were higher, or maybe he was planning on living the college life vicariously through me. Don't care either way; all I ever cared about back then was making my dad proud. He was happy that I looked like Mom but he once told me in an unguarded moment that he was happier that I'd gotten his brains.

My dad, despite the lack of higher education (or maybe because of it) was a smart man. He'd seen the economic writing on the wall and even lived it. I was too young to remember when my great grandparents passed away and the farm was chopped up into all these smaller chunks by their kids leaving my Dad out except for the original farmhouse way on the backside of the back forty. But I do remember when Granddaddy lost his farm and everything had to be auctioned off. My maternal grandmother died before I was born – Mom claimed she died of a broken heart because my uncle was killed in action during some skirmish or other during one of the Gulf Wars – and Granddaddy lived less than a year after losing the farm; he just gave up after his reason for living was gone.

Those two incidents and what came out in the wills and probate split the family on both sides. I mean there was blame enough to go around but bad things happen to good people and that wasn't a good enough reason to cause all of the rifts that happened. As a result most of my aunts and uncles on both sides had moved out of the area by the time I started high school. They wanted more than what the area could offer I guess and sold their bit of the land to people who were trying to escape the big city only to watch the homes they built fall to foreclosure within a few years. All of those little plots of land that used to make up one of the bigger farms out on that end of the highway just went to seed leaving rotting McMansions that could never find new owners. This left an ugly mark on the once beautiful landscape. Have had some of those silly archaeologists out since then wanting to dig around but the only thing left is the foundations, if that, and I've told them more than a few times to shoo and go find something more interesting and useful to use their grants on.

I was raised in the farmhouse that Dad inherited, the one he himself grew up in. Mom kept a huge garden but there wasn't enough land around it to really do much more than grow enough for our own needs during the year and a little bit to donate to the church pantry. We could have farmed more intensively, and my parents had plans to do that, but during their lifetime it never quite happened.

Dad had to work in town at the mill to pay taxes and insurance and provide all the stuff that you have to have when you have a wife and kids to take care of. And admittedly Dad liked his toys … electronic gear out the whazoo, his big ol' diesel truck, and his obnoxiously orange Kabota tractor with all its handy-dandy implements. And his hobbies took a chunk of the budget too like all of that solar stuff he and I used to build … the solar powered water fountain in Mom's herb garden was probably the most useless in the long run but that was made up for by all of the other stuff we did. Dad was kind of funny by standards back in the later days of the Before; he never bought stuff unless he had cash in hand to pay for it; I think he and my Mom had one cred card (called a "credit card" back then) between them and the only time that got used was in an absolute emergency.

Dad was even "stranger" when it came to owing people money. Painted onto the plaster above our front door in our entry way were the words "Neither a Borrower nor Lender Be." All the big appliances in our house were natural gas because Dad could buy the gas and own it free and clear. Doctor bills were about the only thing he would consent to pay in installments and that's because he didn't have much choice which irked him immensely. And oh boy did my Dad hate the utility companies … he hated them worse than the tax collector and that was saying something.

We got all of our water from two wells; one residential and one agricultural. And before I entered middle school Dad had disconnected the house from the electric lines. To avoid temptation he cut the wires from the house, removed the electric dog house conduit on the roof, and started a campaign to have the Electric co-op remove all of the poles between our house and the public road. His running battle with the guy that ran the electric co-op is how we got on a serious kick with the solar power.

We didn't use any electricity we didn't generate ourselves but the co-op still got a piece of us through property taxes. When I was in middle school Dad got so mad one time because they were trying to force him to pay some really large charge for cost of fuel increases that he literally went out and cut down all of the utility poles from the front of our property back to the house. There was a lot of screaming and hollering that day that's for sure. They threatened to prosecute Dad for what he did but he said he'd sent them registered letter after registered letter to get their poles and equipment off of his property and they'd failed to do so, so legally it was abandoned property.

People had a hard time deciding whether to laugh at Dad's behavior or be jealous he was doing something they'd always wanted to do. In the end the county lawyers didn't want to take a chance of losing in court since we could prove we hadn't used any electricity from them in over a year so all they threatened to do was charge us some outrageous amount if we ever wanted the electric re-installed.

My dad of course said they could shove it and that was the official end of that and because we didn't have any of the co-op's equipment within our boundaries we got a tax exemption which basically added insult to injury in the eyes of the co-op management.

One thing was for sure, the cost of fuel we did use was hard on the family budget and using a generator to run everything that wasn't propane or purchased natural gas wasn't working so dad grabbed all of the extra shifts he could get … he was one of their head fixer guys so it wasn't that hard to do … and put some big money into making the farmhouse as non-commercial fuel dependent as possible. He even started cooking his own biodiesel for the tractor and to keep the generator topped up so it could run when the sun went away long enough to deplete all of the batteries we stored in the shed he called the battery shack. And he made his own charcoal for running this old timey steam engine sort of thing he got at an estate auction two counties over.

So my mom and dad may have looked like the pretty people but they lived more like geeks. They weren't the eco-freak kind of geeks though, more like I can invent or build what I need to get out from under Big Brother kind of geeks. They just … I guess you could say my dad could work and play well with others up to a point but he did like his independence enough that it sometimes held him back from getting a promotion at the mill and stuff like that. Friends called him eccentric; what his enemies called him would not be polite to immortalize in print.

Mom didn't care either way about what she considered to be Dad's hobbies. All she wanted was for everything to turn on and off when she wanted it to. The lack of promotions or membership in the country club didn't faze her either. She didn't care about designer labels because she made all of our clothes and she'd just as soon shop at the Mennonite store or the discount barn as get caught dead at the big mall off the interstate one county over. Dad used to joke around and call her a reverse snob but not often because the comment mostly just flew over her head.

Dad and I used to get a chuckle over some of the things that Mom would do or say but it was never meant mean spiritedly. Just as soon as we explained what we were laughing at Mom would often join us in a good giggle at herself, she was just that grounded and self-assured. I can remember one day I'd been conjugating Spanish verbs at the kitchen table and making up sentences. Dad, who'd been forced to learn Spanish because of where some of the mill's machinery came from, was helping me while Mom was washing dishes at the sink.

Suddenly she turned to me and asked in her deep southern drawl, "Lydie, what on earth is a moo-hair."

It was a good five seconds before it clicked. Dad and I were laughing so hard we were choking on our spit and had tears rolling down our faces. I suppose you really needed to be there to get it but things like that happened pretty regular. When we could finally draw a deep enough breath to explain that it wasn't "moo hair" but "mujer" for woman, all she did was roll her eyes and give a chuckle and say, "Well, for Heaven's sake, it wasn't that funny."

On the other hand, contrary to me my little brother was a pretty person straight out of the chute. People were constantly telling Mom she should enter his pictures in photo contests right from the time he was a baby. He had Dad's eyes, the same as I did, but they were surrounded by lashes longer and thicker than mine and I don't think he ever went through an awkward phase after he learned to walk and talk … and boy could he talk. He could wrap our parents around his little finger and just about everyone else too. He wasn't a bad kid, there just weren't that many things he ever had to work very hard at. He was smart, good looking, and on top of that he was a jock since he'd never met a piece of sports equipment he didn't like.

I loved Will like only a big sister can love a little brother and I think he loved me back because I was about the only person he couldn't manipulate. Every so often even pretty people want to hear the truth without any embellishments. I kept him grounded I guess you could say while he kept me plugged in. And he did have a sweet nature (for a kid that was 200% boy) so he wasn't a total brat. In that respect he took after Mom as much as I took after Dad.

Then one day he got sick and he never got to finish getting better. He might have if he'd been given the chance. Childhood leukemia had one of the highest cancer survival rates of all the bad stuff that can happen to kids back then.

On top of it all, when Will got sick it seemed the whole world seemed to start falling apart. Right after we got the initial diagnosis the folks over in the Middle East decided to take their ball and go home since no one wanted to play by their rules. Well, that's not exactly a good metaphor for what they did but it was for their general attitude. They just stopped selling their oil to any country that wasn't an Islamic Theocracy … or what became known as IT countries in the media. The IT's thought they had the world by the gonads but it became apparent real fast that the IT countries couldn't even get along with each other. No sell the oil, no fund the rich families. If the rich families no have money then no funds for the Islamic extremist groups and these groups started feeding on their own people. They also found out that all of the IT countries combined couldn't absorb enough of the oil to keep their economies going which reinitiated the clan and sect warfare that had temporarily ceased … WMDs like chemical and biological weapons were unleashed on ethnic groups left and right, reports of genocide became almost a daily fact of life, and on and on while the religious leaders did nothing but fuss and posture so they could claim the title of most pious. Of course it is more complicated than that but if you want all the details study your history lessons or go to the museums. I'm telling my story not theirs.

While this was going on the rest of the world mostly sat back and watched for a while because with very few exceptions no one was doing too well. The countries that had their own oil sources got a little greedy but many of those places didn't have leaders strong enough (or mentally stable enough) to keep their country safe from invasion. Then it started.

Russia re-absorbed most of the former Soviet bloc territories … or at least their resources. Venezuela withstood pressure for a while but the little putz that ran the country for so long had burned so many bridges that when he was brutally slain in a coup d'état nobody grieved very much if at all. The only really sane countries left with reserves sufficient to at least temporarily keep their countries from falling into the Dark Ages were the US and Canada and that wasn't saying a whole lot.

Then some loony tune over in the Middle East used the nuclear option and all bets were off. It didn't take long for World War III to be officially declared though the US refused to do much more than defend our own shores and protectorates. Too many times in the last few decades our country was burdened with leaders that kept calling every fight "unwinnable" or "criminal" and this time was no exception. Everyone was saying that our leadership had their private parts locked up and held for ransom … a crude but nauseatingly apt metaphor. Certainly none of what they did seemed to jive with the heroic history of our country's past.

The government even stopped accepting recruits for the military calling it a matter of "economic feasibility." Lunacy. A lot of people were saying that the government types were afraid of the same coup d'état as what was experienced in Venezuela would happen here. I can remember Dad saying there was definitely some reason for their fear.

As a result of everything going on there was massive shortages and where there wasn't a shortage there was either massive deflation or massive inflation depending on the market. Real estate became problematic again after finally bottoming out. How bad it became depended on location and available resources. For instance, communities that got most of their power from dams or from nuclear power plants did OK, not great but they were surviving because people wanted to move there and live. Communities like where I lived that were primarily dependent on fossil fuels. People were leaving the area in droves to get someplace where they could turn on a tap or light switch and be able to count on it working. Communities that were completely dependent on buying their power from other communities totally fell apart and dealt with a significant amount of civil unrest.

Food was an area experiencing hyperinflation, but again it primarily depended on where the communities got their utilities … or more accurately where the processing plants and food mills got their power from and how far away the products had to travel to reach the grocer's shelves. The mega-farms were given priority for fuel despite tight rationing so food was still available, it just wasn't available in wide variety or all of the time. As a result of that everyone seemed to be growing something, but the fertilizers and pest control products that had encouraged huge yields in the past were too expensive for most people to purchase and even the mega-farms had to ration their use lowering crop production significantly.

And the last part of the puzzle of whether an area imploded or not came from whether they had access to good water and good sewage disposal. Municipalities for the most part did keep the water going, but the water quality and pressure fell a great deal. And the sewage plants were backed up … no pun intended.

My family managed because of the lifestyle my parents had chosen for us years before. Mom had always baked our bread and pretty much preferred to cook from scratch. It had nothing to do with being frugal and everything to do with the way Mom thought. One of the few things that Mom was hardcore about was cooking and sewing so everything she had and did with respect to those two things had to be the best. It was part of her self-image I guess. And because Dad was a sucker for whatever Mom wanted he bought all the whole grains she wanted at a discount from the grain elevators directly; occasionally he'd get a good deal on some partial lots of specialty grains at the mill. She had all these grinders and other kitchen gadgets half of which at the time I didn't know what they were for.

So when things started getting tough at the grocery store we didn't feel it at first because Mom would just switch to using stuff she could grow or had preserved herself. Although I have to say that at the time I didn't appreciate having every spare moment I had away from school and work being put into juicing and canning fruit, helping Dad expand the root cellar and build an extra solar cooler, or prepping foods so they could go in the solar dehydrators that Dad had built to help Mom keep up with the larger garden she had been keeping the last couple of years.

I know I sound like an ingrate and a real brat but the fact of the matter was that I was just a teenager and I was tired of all the gloom and doom. I saw we were doing OK at home so it didn't really penetrate my awareness as to how bad things were out in the world and even down the street. The school board decided to keep us insulated so our little psyches wouldn't suddenly turn psycho and a lot of parents agreed with their tactics. I wasn't completely oblivious but my reaction was muted by the care my parents provided in our home. Not being completely oblivious isn't the same thing as sitting up and taking notice. I knew just enough to realize the world was in the midst of a pendulum swing but not enough to be scared of how far it had already swung or how far it would eventually swing.

In school I was the second smartest person if judged based on GPA. I won't say I wasn't more than a little proud of that; I felt I had places to go and things to do in my life and they didn't involve living at the farmhouse until I was old and gray. I considered the way my parents chose to live like some kind of cute aberration, something I would one day grow up and leave behind when I went to university and then went to work out in the "real world." In other words I was about like any other teenager and despite my opinion to the contrary I didn't really have a clue what "real life" was all about.

I'm not bragging about being the second smartest kid in the high school, it just turned out that way. I was a really great test taker and luckily for me I actually understood and retained what I was being tested on despite being a product of a poor public school district. My Dad demanded no less and face it, most girls want their father's approval and I saw my grades as a way to do that. I got plenty of reinforcement that it was true – that grades mattered – but I was also blessed enough to know that my parents would have loved me even if I was a mediocre student or even worse, which in a perverse way only made me want to please them academically even more.

Who was the smartest kid in school, the one with the highest GPA? That would have been Matt Lewiston; yeah, that guy in the history books. Believe it or not Matt and I had been paired up since we were kids despite our differences. What could be cuter than two geeky kids as sweet hearts right? Quite a few people thought it was a natural outcome so we lived up to their expectations without really putting much thought into it.

As it turned out Matt and I were both smart but academics was about the only similarities that we shared. It was a long time before I understood what those differences really meant.

Matt, well I guess you could say he was my boyfriend. We didn't really date exactly. Matt didn't have a car and my Dad, for all that he tolerated Matt pretty well and admired his academic standing, didn't exactly have a lot of respect for the boy who was "chatting up" his daughter. Matt was … well, Matt was what you would call non-athletic. He also wasn't much into the school spirit thing so if I wanted to go to a football game or dance I went stag or with friends. In fact, Matt wasn't into much that didn't involve getting into his first choice school MIT. Looking back I can see that Matt was so focused on academics that he was stunted in other areas, but to be honest that wasn't the only reason he was stunted.

His parents were … well they were a nightmare in my opinion. His dad was an engineer employed by the TVA and traveled all over the state doing some important stuff that I usually just zoned out about when he started expounding. My Dad thought Matt's dad was a donkey's behind and I could tell he wasn't far off the mark even when I was younger. His mom was a former beauty queen who was, to put it bluntly, subconsciously horrified by the geeky kid she'd given birth to. You wouldn't have known it though if you hadn't been around the family much. Matt's mom did try to be a good parent but she was just so wrapped up in Matt's two older sister's lives and in the line of beauty products she always seemed to be hawking that he just sort of fell through the cracks at home. The only thing she ever bragged on was the fact that Matt was going to be an engineer just like his father.

Matt and his dad had a lot in common, they were both geeks extraordinaire … I mean the pocket protector wearing, laptop carrying, Segway riding kind of geeks. If you don't know what a Segway is, look it up; I know they look like ancient toys but at one time they were the epitome of the geek elite. Matt and his dad were the kind of geeks that hung framed posters of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, and Einstein in the basement beside the shelf with the three different gaming stations all hooked up to a 56" LD HDTV, who had as an application on their iPhones (kind of an early version of the current tablet communicators that have become common), and who viewed the movie Revenge of the Nerds as an instruction manual on how to survive college life. And no, I will not give a synopsis of that movie. Look it up … likely if you are reading this you are going to have to do a lot of that anyway to understand what Before was like.

Matt and his father, as you've no doubt learned in history class or watching biographies on the tri-v, were the archetypal geek if ever there was one. But Mr. Lewiston had one advantage that many geeks did not; he came from a very wealthy family and as a result Mrs. Lewiston – a role model of a "pretty" if ever there was one – overlooked his geekness in the interest of a comfortable life. She was known as a trophy wife and was very good at her job.

Despite his beginnings I always through Matt was a solid, regular person. He and I had been friends our whole lives and I thought I understood him. We tolerated each other's parents out of simple consideration. He never did understand how or why my family worked or why my brother and I got along - his sisters were total cats (a descriptive term apropos in more ways than one) - and maybe that was the first inkling I had that our differences were greater than our similarities.

It was raining the day my life diverged from the firm path I had thought it was on; I can remember that clearly. What happened was instead of just Dad dropping me off at school as usual it was the whole clan because they were taking Will to Nashville to get the results of the latest round of blood work. I didn't even mind arriving to school in Mom's old Malibu with the headliner that was constantly falling down. We were all pretty excited because Will was looking better than he had in a year; the swelling from the steroids was gone and even his hair had grown back. About mid-morning I asked to be excused and Mr. Sweely our biology teacher gave me a pass as he understood what I was going to do, giving me a thumbs up in support. I went to the office – you had to or they'd confiscate your cell phone – and showed my note and then called my parents.

Everyone in the office waited with baited breath and then cheered with me when I did the happy dance. Will was only two years younger than me, well-liked even by the teachers, and our story was common knowledge. His blood work came back and they said he appeared to be in remission. My parents said they were going to be stuck at the hospital for a while longer doing some follow up and I'd have to ride the bus home but I didn't care, our prayers had been answered and life was good.

I was walking on cloud nine, not even the cafeteria food could bring me down so I didn't think anything of it when I got called to the office again later in the day. When I walked in you could tell that something was out of sync. Mrs. Meachum, the girls' dean was waiting for me at the door and started ushering me into her office but my eyes were caught by the TV that was set to CNN … something unheard of during the school day … and there was fire and smoke coming out of what was left of this vaguely familiar structure … and then along the bottom of the screen came the words _Suicide Bomber Attacks Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville_.

The rest of that day and the next couple was a blur I prefer not to dredge up in memory. I think what made it all worse was that a lot of people avoided me as if what had happened to my family was communicable or something. Hundreds of people died that day, not just my family; it was plastered on the news all over the world. People from all over the world sent their condolences. There was a big memorial planned and my parents' and brother's names appeared on some plaque eventually erected on the spot. I received cards and letters (via a special program set up by some charity) from people that I'd never heard of from as far away as Singapore, Malta, and Taiwan. I got sympathy from people closer to home as well.

People in my community felt bad and several churches even sent workers to the relief effort, but I was the one that took it off the TV and brought it into their living rooms. It didn't just happen to someone else in some other place … it had happened to three of their own. And for that reality check, for making them acknowledge the worst this world can do, a lot of people couldn't forgive me.


	3. Prologue Part 3

**Prologue Part 3 of 3**

In my family all the aunts and uncles came and squabbled a bit … everyone wanted a say in what happened to me but no one was really prepared to take full responsibility for me. Some of it was the notoriety; news crews wouldn't leave me alone for a couple of weeks. Some of it was a matter of simple economics. Then I got an idea after overhearing old Judge Lackey at my parents' wake, yet another shirt tail cousin of some type, telling a story of a young man who was seeking his emancipation. That night I looked it up and read everything I could find and decided that that was what I wanted too. After the will was read and everyone realized just how small my parents' estate was I approached all of those adults with my request for legal emancipation.

Oh sure, they hemmed and hawed and their guilt kicked in but in the end it was a lot easier to persuade them than I could have hoped. It's not that they didn't love me, but I was a bit of an odd duck, like Dad, and the economy didn't actually leave any of them the extra creds to afford an unexpected mouth at their table. The usual rationalizations were given … I'd be able to remain in familiar surroundings, I'd still be close to the small private college that had already accepted me as a dual enrolled student, I wouldn't have to leave my church and friends, blah, blah, freaking blah. And in my head I was thinking, "And isn't it nice that none of your lives will be turned upside down by the addition of a grieving teenage girl?"

I know it was unfair to think like that as soon as the thoughts coalesced in my head but I'm trying to be honest here. I was angry and I wanted someone to pay for what happened to my family. The problem was that I only had false targets and eventually wound up cutting my nose off to spite my face … or in other words re-victimizing myself rather than blaming those that deserved the blame.

Having a Judge for a cousin sped the process up immeasurably. The one thing I hadn't thought about was that in addition to my refusal to shove my square personality into the round holes like people expected me to, no one could quite figure out if they were supposed to keep treating me like a kid or if I had suddenly jumped the line and become an adult.

The only person that seemed to treat me the same as they always had was Matt. He held me while I cried my eyes out and patted my back when he was clueless what else to do. We got closer but it was only by so much because suddenly his parents became leery of our relationship and how it might affect Matt's future. I never acted out against Matt's parents but more than a few times I am ashamed to admit that I wished it had been them that got buried in the hospital rubble and not my family. I had fantasies that had our positions been reversed my parents would have opened loving arms to Matt. At my age I can often laugh at the kid I was then, but sometimes I cringe as well.

Emancipation was both easier and harder than I had expected. I didn't have any problem keeping track of money or outdoor chores, Dad had seen to that, and I could cook and do laundry and all of the other household chores because Mom had trained me well also. It was the loneliness of the empty house and the realization that I was on my own that made me miserable late at night when I had run out of things to do to keep from dwelling on how much my life had changed.

Life's cruelty had left me a little harder and dealing with it had made me a whole lot smarter about the real world. Matt and a few of my geekiest friends were the only people that I let get close from that point forward but even with them I still felt set apart and different. Marty, her real name was Martinique but she hated it, would get on to me sometimes, "Ew Lydie, can you possibly get any more Goth?" She didn't mean it in a hurtful way, she was just telling me that I was sliding off the deep end with the dressing in black and acting morose all the time.

Eventually I was able to smile and then laugh again, not that there was much to smile and laugh about. Terrorist attacks became almost commonplace, but they were primarily in the larger cities. Civil unrest broke out, but again it was mostly in the cities although even our county saw a small riot when food stamp roles were cut for the third time in as many months. Curfews, Citizen ID Cards, rationing, and road blocks became more common that dandelions in the spring. The economy was in the toilet and being flushed away but that didn't matter too awful much because the whole world was suffering the same affliction. And WW3 continued to escalate slowly drawing the US ever deeper into the international conflict.

A lot of the boys (and girls for that matter) that had graduated the year ahead of me had been drafted as the US was slowly forced to enter the fray whether the powers that be were ready to or not and a lot of our graduating class had already received their letters to report to the draft board the day after our ceremony. Even Matt had gotten a letter though it was doubtful with his extreme allergies and asthma that he could pass the physical. I hadn't gotten a letter. I was nearly an entire year younger than most of my class mates because of when my birthday was and because I'd started school a year early. It was still several months until I got close enough to eighteen that the government could risk calling me up … and I didn't have any parental units that they could blackmail into signing an early entrance release either.

Matt was scared but he was going because his dad's federal job was on the line. Marty was going because they basically said it was either show up at the draft board or the IRS would grab her family's bank account and remaining assets to deal with the back taxes her parents owed on a now defunct business. You heard lots of stories like that: give us your kids … or else. Some people fought it but no one won because technically the government was always within their legal rights to do what they threatened.

Life wasn't a big bowl of cherries for anyone but most people were getting by in some fashion or other. And then, for no apparent reason that I've ever been able to discern some tipping point was reached. Some microscopic speck of badness landed on the wrong side of the scale and everything went to heck in a hand basket real fast.

In a matter of just a few weeks life as we knew it came to an end. By that I mean a worldwide infrastructural collapse occurred. I saw pictures of London and Edinburgh, Rome, Paris, Moscow, Tehran, New York, Dallas, and Los Angeles and lots of the other megatropolises before we lost the television signal; it wasn't tri-v back then, just plain ol' two dimensional.

It only took a small number of the population to instigate the actions that eventually destroyed the large urban areas and from there it spread out into the suburbs and from there into the rural areas. The spreading out of the troubles took time but not especially long in the scheme of things when I look back. In our area some of the worst of it came in the form of family members returning to their ancestral roots in search of food and security. I kept wondering if any of my family would show up and I think in the beginning I would have welcomed them but for various reasons they never materialized.

Most of the people in the cities stayed in the cities, at least initially. But enough of them began to fan out in all directions that it didn't take long for emergency services in any community within twenty-five to fifty miles of the edge of a major city to crumble as badly as the urban areas did. There were populations of people that had already lived a life of chaos … those immigrants that had come to the US to escape the very thing they were having to survive again.

The migrant and transient populations were the best equipped to handle life on the road and their destination was the rural area where they could scavenge off the land. These were the people that already knew the government wasn't going to rescue them … or they didn't want to be rescued in the first place … and they knew how to succeed with the flotsam most people considered useless. Plenty of farmers and backyard growers began to complain of people coming in the night and stripping sections of their fields. The road blocks did no good when people didn't travel by road. And it was like fighting locusts; you could step on and kill some but for the most part there was simply too many of them.

For about three months after the last real television show went off the air for good the town's population seemed to grow exponentially. People all over the county had added at least one more member and usually at least two or three. The Houchins' farm down the highway from the entrance road to my house had fifth wheels and tents all over around the big house. It looked like a refugee camp but Grandpa Houchins the patriarch of the clan ran everything like a boot camp.

I would ride my bike over to the Houchins place for news when it was no longer possible for me to bike to town. I could have driven as much as I wanted, Dad's truck ran on the biodiesel that I was still brewing as a matter of habit to give myself something to occupy my time, but it would have made me a target and at least I wasn't so innocent that I didn't know what that could mean for me personally. In fact, I was a walking target only people didn't know it because I knew how to hide it and keep my mouth shut. My whole house still ran pretty much as it always had but I hid it because even a porch light would have stood out like an oasis in the dessert and people would have gotten suspicious and jealous.

Matt and I still kept in touch by radio though we used a code we developed so that no one could figure out our locations and because of this not even Matt was aware of how well off I was out in the boonies. He actually felt sorry for me and tried to get me to move in with him and his mom … his father had disappeared early in the dog and pony show and Matt could never seem to decide between considering his father a hero who died in a terrorist attack at one of the TVA sites or a scum dog that had abandoned his family in their time of need. At least I knew where my Dad was, Matt didn't and it affected him deeply though he threw up enough barriers that most people wouldn't have even suspected it. To tell you the truth I was so lonely at one point that I almost asked Matt and his mom and sisters to come live with me but I just never could get up the nerve; the very idea seemed to give me the cold sweats. So we continued our relationship same as we always had, it was just a long distance one.

Matt and I weren't the only ones using radio signals to reach out and touch someone. At the beginning of The Collapse the airwaves were so heavy with transmissions it was hard to find a clear signal to talk on. Over time that problem diminished significantly and after a few months the air waves seemed to belong to the few geeky individuals clever enough to keep their radios up and running. And a working radio became a symbol of power. A positive answer to the question, "You have a radio?!" could get the operator nearly anything he or she wanted. I should have wondered how Matt kept his radio running but I didn't. Call Matt my blind spot. I'd already lost so much I didn't want to recognize anything that might mean further losses.

Over time the radio transmissions eventually resolved themselves into a kind of communication network dedicated to the sharing of ideas for the purpose of preserving social order. The government presence was nonexistent. They were too busy protecting our borders and trying to keep from being eaten alive from the inside out. In fact, the whole country was being eaten from the inside out at that point.

By the end of summer that year the worst of it – or at least the end of the beginning – was over. The whole world seemed to have turned back the clock a hundred years. In some places even further than that. Turfs were being carved out of the urban geography. Gangs of all flavors and nationalities took over pieces of the country and called it "theirs." Our country may still have been called the United States but was operating more like a loose confederation of immigrant strongholds with what was left of our federal government acting as go betweens to try and stave off a full blown civil, religious, and ethnic war. Attrition due to catastrophic infrastructure failure was the only thing that kept it from actually happening.

I continued to pedal to the Houchins farm but I was starved for real friendship and camaraderie. I wanted my old friends, the ones that had stood by me when I needed them. And I was feeling guilty. The stories I heard, of hunger and other hardships, made me wonder about Marty and some of the others. I tried to ask Matt but he always seemed … distant … when I tried to bring it up. I learned that if I wanted to keep talking to him I didn't dare broach the subject.

I also wanted to know what was up with Matt for real. I had some romanticized idea that he was holding back how hard his life really was for my sake so that I wouldn't worry. The idea took hold in my teenage brain and just ate away at me melting most of my commonsense. I finally came to the point I couldn't stand it anymore and decided I had to get to town.

I could go on and on about the difficulty of that trip, hiding out in bushes when curfew set in, getting eat up by mosquitoes and chiggers, blah, blah, blah. And once I got to town … the humiliation I felt was beyond anything I'd ever experienced in pain except for the loss of my parents.

The long and the short of it? The last thing that Matt and his family was doing was hurting in any way shape or form. As a matter of fact none of my former good friends were feeling any pain. It took years to work it all out so to say I understood how it had all happened right after I'd witnessed it would be a lie way up in the order of magnitudes.

Who do you send for when something breaks? A repairman, someone trained to fix whatever is broken. Unfortunately, a lot of repairmen don't get the appreciation they deserve. Well, who do you turn to when your infrastructure has failed? The Geeks of course.


	4. New Geek Empire Part 1

**The New Geek Empire**

 **Part 1**

As the radio had started to get quiet my isolation from what was going on out in the world increased. In the beginning of that I did all sorts of things to distract myself from the problem. I pretended my family was still alive and would be coming home and that I needed to keep everything ready for them. Not the least bit constructive emotionally and very depressing after a bit. I shook myself out of that and then started pretending I was a characters in some of the books I read from my father's library.

There was "Alas, Babylon." Kind of apropos at first but then it made me lonely because even in Alas there was family and other survivors who could work together to form a kind of community. Then I went to "I Am Legend" only it scared the bejeebers out of me. One I didn't like the idea of being the only person on earth left and two, every unusual sound in the night screamed at me of vampires, zombies, and other monsters. I definitely put that one back where it came from. On to happier types I went with the well-loved "Swiss Family Robinson" and even went so far as to watch the old Disney version … and promptly cried myself to sleep every night for nearly a week out of loneliness for my own family. Robinson Crusoe came closer to what I was looking for but even Crusoe had Friday. I tried so many different versions of the end of the world … "The Last Man" by Mary Shelley, "Earth Abides" by George Stewart, "The Scarlet Plague" by Jack London, "The Machine Dies" by EM Forster, "Anthem" by Ayn Rand, and many others like "Lucifer's Hammer," "On the Beach," "The Postman," "The Wild Shore," and just for kicks "The Planet of the Apes." They all gave me ideas while at the same time leaving me feeling empty.

I tried to fill at least part of the emptiness with visits to the Houchins Clan but after a while I discovered that I was welcomed less and less by them. They had taken a different road; instead of wanting to fill the loneliness they encouraged their isolation. It started innocently enough; I would get rushed off because they couldn't shilly-shally around as they had work. Then the few members of that family close enough to my age were no longer around when I came calling. Then I was met at the gate and turned away. The last time I came by Mr. Houchins himself came out and spoke to me.

"Lydie, don't take this the wrong way but I can only take care of my family. I have to, it is my God-given responsibility; my family has to come first. And I have to have rules and structure. With you coming by it … let's just say it disrupts things; gives some of our youngin's bad ideas. I know you don't mean any harm but it's becoming a problem. On top of that you make my womenfolk feel bad that you don't have anyone to take care of you. Now I know you got your emancipation and been living on your own for a while, I figure you know how to take care of yourself by now but they don't see it that way. And truth be I don't want you giving any of the boys here at my place ideas that distract 'em either. So's … you just need to stay to your side of things."

It wasn't a threat. He didn't wave a gun in my face or get all crazy or anything remotely dramatic in nature; but, there was no doubt that I was no longer welcome. I had too much pride to let him see how it hurt to be so summarily excluded and by the time I pedaled home I was downright angry. What did he think I wanted from him and his? Mr. Houchins was right about one thing, I could take care of myself; all I wanted was some company. Did that make me too needy? It took me a full two days to calm down and really think about it and when I did I realized that I was glad I had never shared exactly what went on at my place. Without intending to be I'd been smart. Dad used to say you didn't have to worry about unsaying something you never said to begin with.

After Mr. Houchins' and I had our little talk I really started doing some thinking; real thinking, not just fantasizing and playing pretend. Up to that point I had been making the same mistake a great many others had; the difference was I hadn't had to pay for it. The "enemy" was still someone I didn't know, someone who was away from this area … the threat was there but it wasn't immediate. My family had been killed "away" by "away" people. Yes, I brought the reality of terrorism into people's backyard but nothing had yet to happen in our backyards, or so I thought.

Oh sure, there were the squirrely people that every community has and they acted just about as squirrely as you could get and some of them paid for it. Every town as a juke joint – gathering place where liquor and women are served up and not necessarily in that order – or a "bad" side of town you didn't go around at certain times of day. There were truly bad people in town just like there had been truly bad kids in school but my reality was that I didn't have anything to do with them so they wouldn't have anything to do with me. Stupid? Probably. Naïve? Most definitely. Would I have admitted to either at that point? Not in a million years.

After I started really thinking I stopped feeling sorry for myself and took a good look around. With just one glance I knew I had a sweet set up. Mostly of course it was thanks to Dad but everywhere I looked I could see my own hand in things. I think Dad had done it so that I would feel some ownership, some sense of having a place to belong even though I was just a kid. I hadn't really appreciated that until then though in hindsight I realize it probably had a lot to do with how he was raised and how he got shafted in his grandparents' will. I took what I had for granted; I suppose a lot of kids do but that's no excuse and it was time for me to begin to put childish things away.

I had a good solid roof over my head. It was a green, metal insulated roof so I knew, barring catastrophe, it was going to be there for a long time. I knew how solid it was because I had helped Dad put the blasted thing on during one, long, hot miserable week two summers before. I knew that under the metal and insulation there was an incredibly thick layer of real plywood, not that OSB crap that was in common use back then. Dad and I had taken the roof off down to the old beams and trusses then added new trusses between the ancient beams so that they sat sixteen inches apart. Heavy sheets of one-inch plywood, clipped together with "H" clips and then nailed in place, was put on top of the trusses and then the new roof was put on top of that. Of course it was all complicated by these gazillion cuts that Dad insisted had to be perfect for things like the ridge vent, vent stacks, and solar hot water pipes. Talk about a freak-ton of work. They just don't make many craftsmen like my Dad these days; even I will cut a few corners using technology when it means avoiding making my shoulder ache.

The rest of the house was (and still is) just as sturdy as the roof. That same summer we reworked and replaced all the soffit and fascia as well as the siding on the attic portion of the house. On the inside of the attic – it traversed the whole of the house – we finished it off with insulation and cement board and put in all sorts of storage bins and shelves at Mom's request. Mom was one of those people that expected you to organize your sock and underwear drawer every Saturday before you could go out and play. I learned to keep it the way it was supposed to be as I went and am still that way … more out of habit though than because I inherited Mom's neat-freak gene.

One of the technology kicks that Dad had gotten onto was "artificial wood." It is quite common these days as a result of recycling all of the debris from the old population centers and landfills. Just like today the old stuff was a composite material pressed to look like real wood. In our case Dad rebuilt the floor of the wrap around porch. The irony is that he got the artificial wood from the mill … the paper mill where he worked … which was using the fake planks to build a nature trail through some land that the mill owners planned on donating to the state so that their family name would be on something that lasted forever. The stuff came in two colors back then – gray and brown – and Dad used all the scrap pieces of the brown variety he could find for most of the porch but then used the gray for decorative insets and at the house entrances at the front and back. Mom couldn't stand it at first but when she realized how much easier it was to keep clean she just used a few woven grass rugs and put some plant stands out there and never complained again. I was just happy I wouldn't ever have to smell another can of Thompson's Waterseal; man did that stuff stink.

From the house I went on to the other necessities that I knew were needed. First was water. Had it in spades. From the house well there was potable water to drink and cook with. There was a well on the barn that was good enough to bathe, do laundry with, or water the chickens and giant angora rabbits – the rabbits weren't my idea but Will's and I just kept taking care of them and letting them breed to give me a connection to my brother. Besides it would have been cruel to just release them to the wild because the fuzzy things would die from hair ball problems.

The old cisterns provided water for the gardens; a solar powered pump ran the water through a drip irrigation system that Dad had designed for Mom that wouldn't pull any power from the main generator. There was also a spring-fed stream that ran into and then out of the fish pond that sat off to the west of the house. Dad had started to build a water powered generator, and in fact had all of the fused pipe dug and laid. Even the turbine was in place. What was missing was running all of the electrical connections. Dad's schematics were still hanging on the bulletin board in his shop out in the barn; I just couldn't seem to get the energy for that particular project. Dad and I had always done things together; doing it alone I worried I would muck something up and take the whole system down.

After water came food. My mother's gardens had easily fed our family of four with more than plenty left over for the church pantry and friends and neighbors. We also traded some of our produce to the Mennonite farmers the next county over for sorghum, corn, wheat and the like but there were large pails of the stuff … I mean pails upon pails of the stuff … in the basement. Mom always kept us about two and a half years ahead on the basic whole grains because the rising costs really bothered her. Plus Will had problems with gluten because of some of his treatments interfered with his ability to digest some things so there was a lot of specialty grains down there too in twelve to eighteen month supplies. Dad had pinched about having quite that much but what Mom wanted Mom got in that respect.

Because a large freezer would have pulled too much juice Mom's methods of preserving food pretty much fell along the lines of canning, drying, and smoking. Plus by doing our own preserving Mom was able to monitor what went into Will's diet. I don't want to say it wasn't worth it because of course it was but sometimes it still gives me neuron overload to think of all the life my brother could have lived if he had just been given a chance.

As to growing more food to replace what I used, I had that down to a science. While Dad took care of part of my education, Mom made sure she instilled in me a few things as well. Raised beds, edible landscaping around the house and main yard area for decoration, square foot gardening in the back of the house surrounded by a high lattice type fence to keep the deer out, sustainable gardening in areas that are less accessible to the water system, aquaponics using a small fish tank where the little fish are given a chance to mature before being introduced to the pond and gobbled up, hydroponics in the greenhouse and then just regular old plant beds where things like herbs and fruit were grown. There was the orchard on the opposite side of the house from the pond and the nut trees out on the edge of the forestry belt that lay between our land and the three hundred or so acres of planted pines owned by the paper mill. Nope food wouldn't be a problem for me or for a family.

Problem was I didn't have a family and couldn't even pretend that fact away anymore. Then it struck me. Why couldn't I do the same thing the Houchins family had? Why couldn't I build my own enclave or clan? The answer to that? Nothing. At least nothing insurmountable.

First question I asked myself was who would be in my clan. Houchins members? No. They already had their own group and I did not want to be taken over and absorbed by them because it could very well mean losing my autonomy and control. The other neighbors? No. There weren't really any close ones left on my side of the county and I avoided the few there were because they were desperate and desperate people were dangerous people. Who then? I felt so stupid when the obvious finally occurred to me.

Matt of course, then Marty. I missed them both like crazy and hearing Matt's voice on the radio only made me long for his company even more. Then a few other names popped up. But I knew to get Matt and Marty I would need to take on their families. I realize in hindsight how naïve my thinking was but that wouldn't last much longer.

So I became determined. I made a plan. I made a list. Naïve I might have been but stupid I was not, at least not about the logistics part. I went through the list of my friends and tried to figure who they would want to bring with them. There was Matt, his mother and two sisters plus his cousin Ajax and his little girl that lived in the apartment over the old carriage barn they used as a garage. Marty and her parents made another three. Beyond that I wasn't sure who to ask first. I knew absorbing so many people at once would be difficult so I decided to focus on my two best friends first and once I got them settled in and on board we could bring the others in.

Now the thing was for them to be my best friends, pals, gaming partners, etc. we never really went to each other's homes; figuratively yes by hooking up online but literally not so much. I could usually raise Matt or Marty in real time by texting or through instant messaging; those two were never far from a portal to the internet. Even in school they had their computer tablets with them tucked into a special pocket of their notebook. No one had ever come to my house either because it was too far for most of them to get to, I was the only one of my group with a car of my own so I could have gone into town to see them but there was always some reason it didn't happen; mostly legitimate but probably a lot of it was just social laziness on our parts. In those days the cyber world wasn't nearly as developed as it is today but it substituted just as easily for true physical interaction. Put in words perhaps today's generations can more easily understand, there was no need to go to your friend's house for cookies and milk after school when you could meet online at any time and do something fun and heroic like kill orcs, dragons, zombies, or evil space aliens. I was never much of a gamer but my friends were so I lived the game through their replaying their experiences at lunch during school.

What it boiled down to is that I knew I would have to have something big enough to entice them to leave their homes and come live with me. Matt never said much but I got the feeling that things had kind of exploded at their house after his father disappeared. The others I wasn't sure about as Matt clammed up about them every time I tried to ask. I had what I had but I didn't want to ruin the surprise until I could get them to the house so what else could I bribe them with … groceries.

I baked a loaf of bread, some cookies, and some of my special brownies that Matt liked then carefully packed them in my most beat up back pack. Oh I kept imagining their surprised faces and how eager they would be to follow me and then when we got back to the house just how happy I would have made them and how they would never want to leave or make a fuss. Yeah, like I said, naïve.


	5. New Geek Empire Part 2

**The New Greek Empire**

Part 2

I didn't want Mr. Houchins or his group to know what I was doing. They'd never come down to the house as far as I knew. My place and theirs was about five miles apart as the crow flies but roads made it a little longer. Five miles was no big deal on my bike but by foot … well, I just figured they didn't want to waste the time. Besides they had been busy working the two farms that were adjacent to theirs and not really interested in my place for which I was glad.

Just to be on the safe side I took the long way around to get to town. I detoured a couple of times when I saw things like cars and furniture piled in the road with people walking around them. After reading all those books in Dad's library I could have kicked myself for not thinking of it the possibility before leaving home. First thought was, "Road block." Next thought was, "How stupid can you possibly be Lydie?"

The only "weapons" that I carried was a Swiss Army Knife Boy Scout knife that had belonged to Will, a Leatherman multi-tool in case my bike fritzed on me, and a Ka-bar boot knife that Dad had always insisted I wear when I was walking around by myself. If they had ever caught me with it at school I would have been toast but it was so small that it literally fit into the top of the work boots I wore most of the time as my shoe of choice. Take that back, my primary weapon was my brain but apparently I hadn't been keeping it as keen edged as I thought I had.

I was scared for a moment then reminded myself that those books were just fictional stories with fictional characters. I kept telling myself that no one could be like that in real life. However, I did get a lot more careful as I pedaled my way to Matt's house.

When I reached Matt's house I got my first inkling that my plan wasn't going to work quite the way I had imagined it would. I knew right away something was wrong. Matt's mom was one of the house proud people that spent good money and a lot of money to keep her yard looking like Gone With the Wind come to life. For those that don't know it was a politically incorrect movie that became the stereotype for what the Old South was supposed to look like. But what stood in front of me as I got off my bike barely resembled what I remember the house and yard looking like. Matter of fact the entire neighborhood looked … well it looked trashed.

I was just staring at the house and brushing away tears when I heard a surprised exclamation of, "Lydie?!"

I jerked around and after a moment of shock I nearly screamed, "Marty!"

I dropped my bike and ran forward and then nearly bounced off a human wall. It took me a second to register but it was a guy that had been nicknamed watch by the whole school. He encouraged it because his real name was Marion.

"Ow! Sas geez! That was my foot you know!"

Marty jumped in front of Sas and I was starting to get really weird vibes. I tried not to attribute it to the uber strange way my friend and the others with her were dressed but to be honest it did have a lot to do with it.

"Oh … my … gosh! Sas is that a real gun?! And a freaking sledge hammer?!" Looking around I saw all of them were just as strangely armed but seemed to also be dressed for the Nashville Comic Con and Horror Fest. "What is going on you guys? Geez Marty … your dad is going to flake if he sees you in that get up … you're about to have a wardrobe malfunction," I told her trying not to stare.

Marty looked at Sas and quietly told him, "Go get what Matt wants. I'm … uh … gonna have a little talk with Lydie."

After Sas and the others reluctantly walked off, pairing up to go into various houses, I tried to hug Marty but it was like trying to hug a mannequin. She turned to me and said quickly, "Lydie you need to exercise some verbal control skills."

"Excuse me?" I choked.

She gave me an irritated look. "Don't go 404 on me."

I shook my head and asked, "Since when do you talk like this off line?"

She noticed Sas was watching us and grabbed my arm and dragged me over to the curb and sat us down. "Listen. I'm trying to help you here. Things have changed. You need to get a handle on your mouth real quick or there is going to be trouble."

Instead of responding to her statement directly I asked, "Where's Matt?"

"That's who you'll be taken to. Sas has probably already radioed Central."

Snorting I said, "Central? Tell me you mean Central Consolidated and not some dork gamer haven. If …"

She hissed, "Will you just shut up and listen for once?!"

I looked at her closely and there was nothing but seriousness on her face. I finally admitted that something weird was going on and I needed to find out what it was. "OK. So tell me how things have changed."

Marty shrugged and then told me, "I don't know if I can explain it all the way. It's all felt so completely bogus, like being sucked into an alternate reality. I keep waiting to see Dr. Who … or remember that old show we used to Netflix called Sliders?" I remembered the show and it is basically about these people that keep getting sucked into alternate realities. It was decent the first two seasons and then went completely lame. Before I could respond she added, "Before you ask, let me tell you that Matt didn't say anything to you because he has been trying to keep things safe for all of us."

"Matt?" I asked half incredulous, half intrigued. "And how does keeping me out of the loop keep you all safe? You make it sound like … like I don't know, some kind of 007 thing."

She shrugged and with a little irritation in her voice said, "Maybe it isn't that I can't explain it but that I'm not sure you'll understand. Matt has been like … like this … I don't know … he totally saved us you know?"

I swallowed a laugh. Matt and I had been together for a long time both as friends and as more than friends but even I had a hard time seeing him as some kind of super hero like she seemed to be painting him. "Matt?!"

"Yeah," she snapped. "And don't be disrespectful Lydie. It's totally not cool."

I was beginning to feel like I had stepped into a weird mirrored fun house that distorted the reflection of everything I had once thought I knew. I just sat there looking and trying to think quickly on how to play this game everyone seemed to be playing. In the end it was Marty's sudden coolness that drove to me act more cautiously and a good thing too.

Sas came out of Matt's house and asked, "There a problem Marty?"

Wearily she said, "No. Just go do what Matt told you to."

"It's getting done," he growled. Sas, the former teddy bear all the girls had treated like a big brother seemed to have grown some sharp teeth. "What I want to know is how come Lydie here shows up all of a sudden." Turning to me he demanded, "Where have you been? What rock did you crawl out from under?"

I wasn't easily intimidated but apparently he'd forgotten that particular fact. "Stuff it!" I told him. I turned to Marty and asked, "What's really going on? I mean I got the feeling from Matt he wasn't telling me everything but this is over and above, you know? I just thought it was so I wouldn't be scared and stuff since I was all by myself and he wasn't able to come get me but apparently I was completely wrong. My bad … wishful thinking will get me every time."

Sas snarled, "You ain't talked to Matt lately. I would know." He pushed me off the curb with his cave man uggs further irritating me.

"Hey!" I yelled brushing myself off and getting up from the road. "Don't call me a liar!"

Marty for her part pushed Sas back and yelled, "What? You think Matt tells you everything? Back off before he takes you off line."

Sas backed away but not before I saw some serious resentment thrown my way and some hurt feelings thrown Marty's way. I was growing more confused and yeah, scared too. Nothing was turning out how I had imagined it would. "Marty?" I asked more quietly, a lot of my bravado gone. "Seriously, what is going on? Where is Matt? Where is everyone else for that matter? And why is everyone dressed and acting so … so bizarre?"

"I keep telling you Lydie, this isn't strange. This is New Normal … to me … to us … you are the one that looks and is acting strange… from like a million years ago." Looking away she sighed sadly and then revealed, "As for everyone else? Mostly we don't know. Just gone I suppose."

Getting further weirded out by what she had just told me I asked, "What do you mean you suppose they're just gone?"

Folding her arms and making her in even greater danger of having a wardrobe malfunction she said, "I mean over the summer a lot of people died. There was a terrorist attack or something like that. Poison was found in the town's water tower. You know how it works … water from the reservoir is pumped to the tower and gravity feeds the water from the tower into the town where it gets pumped to people's houses." She shrugged like she was trying to pretend it didn't hurt and continued, "The government guys came in afterwards and rounded up everyone in the town that was left alive … like there was barely half of us you know? And we all had to go house by house and put all the dead bodies in these dump trucks. When that was done we were told to get on buses because we had to help unload the bodies and identify them before they went to the incinerator. Only see, two of the buses broke down … one in town and one right outside of town … and most of us on those buses were like around our age. They figured we would be ok to stay by ourselves until the adults and little kids that went with them came back to town."

"And?" I asked when she stopped talking and didn't say anything else.

"And what? They didn't … come back that is. It was like they had just vanished and no matter how much we listen on the radio we never hear anything about any of them or anything." She shook her head and unfolded her arms. "We waited a week and things started getting really bad as the electric went off and stuff like that. I just went home thinking … only …"

Suddenly understanding I said, "Oh no … your … your parents?"

She nodded. "Matt's in the same boat. His family never came back either. Most of us don't have anyone. Parents and older siblings either got drafted early on or are among the missing. Younger kids … they were on a bus too and just … I mean … who knows? Right? Anyway, that's when Matt started getting us organized. He's been like a … like a … " She got a really dreamy look on her face for a moment before catching me looking at her blankly. She shook her head and continued. "He had us all move into the school because it was easier running one big building than trying to run a bunch of smaller ones all spread out. Once we all looked around to see what we had to work with Matt divided us up into work groups and assigned goals. When people saw what we were accomplishing they wanted to be a part of it, part of the rebuilding process. Now we have to be real careful because we have reached maximum sustainable population."

Where was she getting this stuff I wondered. I asked, "Maximum sustainable population?"

"I know Lydie. I'm sorry."

I was confused because some of the stuff she was saying wasn't adding up and wanted to ask her what she was sorry about but got distracted … and with good reason. Sas ran up to Mary and told her, "The chariots are here."

I almost laughed again. "They're golf carts."

Sas and a few of the others close by gave me a disgruntled look. "Do you see anyone playing golf Loser? These babies were Matt's idea. Central's Chariots … we have the only operating vehicles for hundreds of miles."

I knew that was just plain wrong but wasn't going to enlighten the Thor wannabe. "Call 'em whatever you want but they're still just golf carts. Cool solar powered golf carts, but still just golf carts all the same. What did you do? Hijack them from the country club?" Then I saw someone dressed like a Mr. X upend my bike and start to take the wheels off I yelled, "Hey!"

Marty elbowed me and said, "Shut up. If Matt says you can have it back you'll get it back."

"What do you mean if Matt says …" That's when Sas must have clocked me from behind and I blacked out.


	6. New Geek Empire Part 3

_**The New Greek Empire Part 3**_

I started coming around when I heard Matt's voice. "Was the violence really necessary Marion?"

He growled, "She wasn't being respectful."

"So what's new? You know Lydie's style. I feel sorry for her. She's probably been scared and lonely and living off of scavenge out in the country. She didn't say much when we were on the radio, like she was afraid to find out the truth. Maybe like she was afraid that we wouldn't want her if we knew how low she had sunk."

"That's another thing Maestro. How am I supposed to keep you safe if you don't keep me informed about stuff? Who else have you been talking to?" he demanded.

Wow. Bad move Thor-baby. Suddenly Matt sounded a whole lot like his dad had at the PTA meetings. He told Sas, "You're my man at arms, not my overlord. You're offline for a week!"

Sas yelped, "What?! But I'm about to take it to the next level! If I have to be offline for a whole week my sim will die and I'll have to start all over again!"

Nastily Matt told him, "Should have thought about before ignoring the hierarchy."

I tried to sit up as Sas slammed out of the room then jumped as Marty pushed me back down. "Take it easy Lydie. Sas really caught you a good one. He forgets when he is real worlding that people don't always get back up."

"No kidding," I groaned. "What's his damage?! All I did was call a golf cart what it was. Is he on drugs or something?" Then I got my first look at Matt. "Holy carp! What are you supposed to be? Oh wait … he called you Maestro." Slowly standing up and shaking my head I said, "You've got to be kidding Matt … you're dressed up as your sim counterpart? You look like 'Gordon Freeman' on drugs."

Matt sighed, "Same old Lydie." He shook his head and I thought at first he was putting on an act.

I laughed and stumbled forward to give him a hug. "Seriously Matt, what's going on? Why's everyone acting so weird … and dressed … er … well, not normal that's for sure." Catching another look at Marty's Xena warrior princess get up I had to giggle.

Wrong move and apparently not the first … or last … one of the day.

"The one that is acting weird is you!" Marty snapped. "Maybe there is something to what Sas was saying. You waltz into town like it's the way it used to be, like you can just pick up where you left off!"

"Whoa," I said putting a hand up to hold off the anger in her face. "I live fifteen miles outside the city limit sign. I didn't just waltz in. I had to ride my bike half the morning to get here you know? I had to go around road blocks. And like you haven't exactly made an effort to come check on me. Not to mention the reason I didn't know how bad you guys have had it is because Matt never let me in on it. I would have found some way to get here sooner and help if I had!"

Matt patted my arm like it was OK but then went to sit behind a desk and that's when I realized we were in the principal's office. Great. Could this scene get any weirder?

"Lydie," he said. "Sit down. We need to get a few things straight and since you are being your normal Alyx Vance self I guess we are going to have to do it the hard way."

I was getting a little irritated at the constant gaming references although being compared to a female character from Half Life 2 wasn't the worst he could have compared me to. I sat but more because I was feeling dizzy and not because he told me to; however, I decided not to let him in on that little secret. I was starting to get the feeling that Matt's ego had somehow been inflated into the stratosphere.

"First off," he began. "I didn't want to break it to you this way but we're quits. Marty and I are together now. Don't cry because it won't do any good."

Was that supposed to be a shocker at this point? Part of me had suspected something … but my best friend? Really? I was too mad to cry and wasn't sure I would have anyway, especially not after Marty ran over to Matt and sat on the arm of the chair.

In the past Marty had never been Matt's biggest fan, or so I had thought. After hearing – and seeing – the way they were being now my head started spinning with the possibilities. The only half way sensible thing that my brain produced was an irreverent but silent, "This has got to be the worst teen movie ever. I'm living it and don't believe it."

After a moment or two of me just staring at them Marty said in a confused tone, "You don't look mad."

Refusing to let either of them know just how hurt and mad I really was I shrugged. "I'm a big girl. If the best friend I've ever had and the guy who I thought was my boyfriend decided to make it behind my back I can deal. But how the heck the two of you can trust each other knowing what the two of you are willing to pull on someone else I don't know. I certainly don't trust either of you anymore. Which reminds me, I want my bike, I'm leaving."

Angrily Matt said, "Sorry. Anything inside the city limits is Central's property which makes it mine."

Despite my best intentions I nearly spat at him when I said, "You better not consider me part of town property because I can guarantee I'll make things … difficult." My temper was quickly taking over and with adrenaline running through my veins like a double shot of Red Bull I told him, "You forget Matt … I know these guys too. A word here, a word there … then maybe they won't think you are so all that. Apparently they've just forgotten they are capable of thinking for themselves. Must be some reason why you haven't shared the radio with Sas or the others. By the way, nice tactic to pipeline the info and keep some of it secret. But now that Sas knows he'll start thinking; and he may be slow but Sas isn't stupid. He's going to wonder about that and wonder what else you are holding out on."

Matt sneered, "He'll keep it quiet or he'll stay off line."

"Oh woo woo. Off freakin' line." I snorted in derision making them both flush in anger. "Get a grip. You can't keep them living a fantasy forever Matt. You can't keep living this stupid fantasy you're trying to build either. Pretty soon they are going to wake up and see what is really going on and they are going to be ginormously hacked. Assuming you can hold it together that long. How stupid is it to tell them that those lame golf carts are the only moving vehicles for hundreds of miles? A quick listen to the radio would prove that is a lie."

Marty's face went blank and she hesitantly looked at Matt and then asked, "What is she talking about?"

"Nothing," he muttered sullenly.

I looked at her and said snidely, "Keep on thinking what he tells you to Marty … while you can. But if he is lying about this, what else is he lying about? How long until you get replaced as easily as he replaced me? Huh?"

I tried to leave but Matt came around from the desk and pushed me back hard. "Where do you think you're going?"

I looked at him and I think he finally saw how angry I was. My temper wasn't exactly legendary but it was pretty bad. "Do not try this gamer fantasy crap with me … Maestro," I told him with a hiss. "I don't need a controller to kick some butt." I used the flat of my hands and gave him a good thump on his chest making him jump back. I told him, "No one owns me. I fought long and hard to get my emancipation and I'm not going to just give it up to anyone … certainly not to you."

I turned and in two steps wrenched the door open and stepped into the front office where a lot of people I knew … or thought I had … were lazing around with ear buds in and plugged into small electronic devices. A few were hooked up and playing some kind of game on a huge flat screen. Only a few noticed I was even on the planet. From there I slammed out the door to the courtyard and nearly ran straight into Sas.

"Oh give me a break!" I yelled frustrated.

Nastily he started to say, "Find out you aren't …?"

I cut in with, "You mean did I find out about Matt and Marty banging like bunnies behind my back? Yeah. I'm pretty relieved that I never went that stupid over him if you want to know the truth. Now here's one for you. Did you know that Matt is lying through his teeth about some things he has heard on the radio?"

Marty rushed out and said, "Wait! Lydie … don't!"

I yelled, "Why? Because Matt doesn't want people thinking for themselves? Or because your cozy little kingdom will crumble when they do? Because they will Marty. Like I told you before Sas isn't stupid and neither is anyone else I've seen. There are a couple of dorks and dope heads but no one is truly brainless."

Marty said, "I'm … I'm sorry Lydie. I didn't mean for things to happen like this. You don't have to be so mean."

Incredulous I asked, "Mean? You think I'm being mean?! Have ... you … completely … lost … it?!" I stopped myself and tried to control my breathing.

A guy named Aston strolled up. He looked halfway normal until I realized he was dressed like Leon Kennedy off of Resident Evil. "So Lydie … what's up?"

"So Aston … shrink in the wash or what?" He used to be one of the biggest guys on the football team but he'd lost some weight for sure.

He snorted a real laugh. "Good one. Mostly I just miss my mom's cooking." Then I realized he wasn't daydreaming like the others were. He might have been dressed for play but his mind was still in the here and now. "Seriously, what's up?"

Aston was not my favorite person in the world, mostly because he was as big a smart aleck as me but I liked his girlfriend Ashley who had come over to me with him. "Yeah Lyd … what's up? We could hear the fit all the way down to the parking lot. Geez I mean … wait … it's good to see you. Here." She proceeded to give me a hug and for the first time that day – in a long time really – I felt someone really was glad to see me.

"Hey Ash," I told her hugging her back. It was tight enough for her to know I was grateful if not sappy about it. Looking at Aston and Ashley I replied, "Let's just say I found out about Matt and Marty the hard way and that I think everyone really needs to start unplugging the ear buds and start listening to the radio instead of letting Matt tell you what is going on."

Matt had finally joined us. Marty had started to say, "Stop trying to scare everyone …" But Matt interrupted her and asked, "Why should they listen to you Lydie? You're just angry about me and Marty." He draped his arm around the girl in question and I found that it didn't bother me as much as it probably should have. I was actually starting to feel relieved in a weird sort of way.

I told him, "What I found out is that I can't trust you two. If you can't be trusted over so simple an issue as friendship why should anyone trust you about anything else?"

I noticed a few of the kids had started listening … really listening.

"Don't be a bad loser Lydie," Matt said, trying to sound cocky. Wrong tact to take when there were other girls around.

Ashley and another girl named Ginger said at almost the same time, "That's awful Matt!"

The guys with them started to get cautious, no doubt not wanting to mess up the same way Matt was messing up.

I decided to push the issue. "Like I said, it's a matter of trust. Why don't you let them listen to the radio with you Matt? What do you do? Keep it locked up where only you can get at it?" And another little push. "I mean, poor Sas here is just trying to do his job and you keep hiding things from him. I can't believe you really told them those golf carts are the only moving vehicle for hundreds of miles. There's farmers out in the countryside with tractors and they're farming for pity sake. Not a lot, but enough. They're going around draining all the diesel storage tanks they can find and while it may not last forever, they're not doing too bad right now. And when they need parts and stuff you don't really think they are going to come asking nicely to get what they want do you?"

"They'll do what I say if they want those parts. We've got them hidden …"

I'd caught him and he'd all but admitted it. "A ha! So you did know that other people were still around and would need that stuff!"

Aston looked at Matt and said, "Yeah Matt … why did you have us moving that crap into all the old classrooms?"

"Shut up!" Matt yelled.

Figuring it was time for me to get while the getting was good I turned to leave but Sas grabbed my arm. I looked at him prepared to wrench my arm free but he just looked at me like a lost puppy. "I … I hit you."

I took my arm out of his grasp and said calmly, "Yeah, you did. Did it make you feel good or did you think it was just a game and all you cost me was a few game points?"

He just continued to look at me blankly so I turned and walked away. When I was two blocks away I started to run. I was at the outskirts of town before I stopped running and the only reason I stopped was because I was pretty sure no one would be able to see the tears on my face.


	7. New Geek Empire Part 4

_**The New Greek Empire Part 4**_

I was bent over trying to catch my breath and then the tears really started coming. I was nearly upchucking my guts when I was pulled between two buildings. I couldn't scream because there was a hand over my mouth and a big guy squashing me. I was too shocked to fight at first and by then he had me pretty physically under control.

"What are you part gazelle?" He asked calmly.

Then I heard a little girl giggle. "Tickle fight! Tickle fight!" My eyes moved to the side and saw the little girl then looked back at the guy and finally thought returned enough that I bit the hand over my mouth.

"Ouch!"

With my mouth uncovered I hissed, "Get off me you jerk!"

"Hey, none of that mouth Lydie. Look I need to know, are you still set up out at the farm?"

I snarled, "Kiss my …"

His hand came over my mouth again for a moment before I could brush it away. "Uh uh, not with my kid around you don't," he said flatly.

I pushed Jax off of me … Ajax Remington, Matt's cousin. Got his girlfriend pregnant when I was a freshman they were juniors. Then right before the baby was born he made a big stink out of wanting to raise the baby even if his girlfriend wanted to give it up for adoption. My cousin the judge gave him custody of the baby when the girlfriend's parents forced her to sign away her parental rights and then sent her away to live with relatives in another state.

Jax wasn't a bad person, and in fact Dad had thought it had taken a lot of guts to fight to raise his kid. My dad's opinion went a long way towards making it easy for me to say, "Fine. I'm sorry. But geez, get off me. You totally freaked me out."

He shook his head but still got up. "You deserve a little freaking out. I can't believe you are just running around like this. Some guy could have pulled you into an alley and …"

I gave him a dirty look and said, "Some guy just did."

He sighed then said seriously, "You know what I mean." He picked up his little girl who laid her head on his shoulder and he gave me "the eyes." You know when someone wants you to get the point but won't use words to explain the point.

Figuring I understood what he meant but that he didn't want to have to explain in front of his kid I asked, "What do you want Jax? I've got places to be."

He ignored my question and stepped over to a bike with a kid carrier on it and saddle bags. He reached into the saddle bag and took out a bottle of water. He looked at it for a second and then handed it to me. "Drink before you get sick. I can't believe you ran all the way from the school like that. I had a hard time following you and I was on the bike. If you had run through anymore backyards I probably would have lost you."

"You were at the school?" I asked as I unscrewed the lid and sipped the water. "I didn't see you."

"No. I was feeding her," he said pointing to the little girl that still clung to him. "I knew there was going to be fireworks as soon as I figured out it was you. 'Nother reason why you didn't see me is I stay there but don't really hang with any of them. I just needed to make sure that Kelly had some people around if something happened to me." He looked around. "So, look … I figured Matt was holding out I … I just didn't know how bad. I mean you make it sound bad …"

His statement was more of a question so I told him. "He's holding out but I don't know what you know and what you don't so I can't say how bad."

"Just figure he hasn't said anything and all we've been told is what you've heard thus far. World is a dead place for miles and miles all around."

I snorted. "And you believed that?"

"Me? No, not really. Some of the kids? Yeah … yeah they do. They have to believe it because otherwise why wouldn't their families have come back? It might also mean they should do something like go look for them or something besides zoning out on games all day and night."

I looked at him. "Your mom and dad?"

"No. They … they died. The water was poisoned and …"

I nodded stopping his story. "I heard about it. Your parents … that must have been rough." After my parents died it seemed that Jax and his parents had started to try and work things out but I didn't know how far it had gotten. He continued to live in the apartment at Matt's which could mean anything. Now I didn't know how to ask and was pretty sure it wasn't my business either way. "Look," I told him. "Why did you nearly scare me to death anyway if you are part of Matt's crowd?"

He shook his head. "I told you, I'm not. I just didn't know what else to do for a while. Ashley and some of the other girls help look after Kelly so I can scavenge but … things are getting so weird. Last week I came in and they had her all painted and dressed up like some freaked out goth baby doll. Kelly thought it was funny but I don't want her into that crap."

I thought about it for a minute and realized I'd never heard about him being a bad father only that he should have let the baby go for adoption because that is what his girlfriend wanted. He saw me looking and then got a long face on. "Don't start telling me that I should have …"

"I won't," I said interrupting him. "It isn't any of my business and I wasn't walking in your shoes."

He blinked a couple of times. "Oh."

"So again … why the Jack the Ripper routine."

"Hey!" When he saw I was being sarcastic rather than serious he relaxed a little. "I need a better place that is safe for Kelly and I'm willing to work to get it. If you are out at your parents' place … no way can you do it all yourself. I figured you might be looking for some help; that maybe that is why you came to town only Matt and Marty turned things upside down on you."

"Town isn't safe?" I asked not prepared to respond to the rest of it yet.

"Yes and no. Right now it is for the most part but maybe it isn't next week. Matt … he's OK. Smart and knows what he is doing as far as the power and all of that."

"But?"

Sighing he admitted, "But right now he's a little unstable too. All of them are. I'm the closest thing to an adult they've got and Matt made sure no one would listen to me, even if they might have been tempted to in the beginning. They prefer their weird fantasy life to thinking about the hard stuff right now. For some of them it is probably the only thing keeping them from going off the deep end."

Thinking of how Sas reacted when forced to face real life I nodded. "I'll buy that. But what has that got to do with me?"

"Nothing," he admitted. "At least nothing right now. Later? Maybe it does depending on how they shake out. Could be having you show up gets some of them to thinking. Or maybe Matt just reasserts control of the group. It's weird but he's got a talent for telling people what they want to hear and then going further and giving them what they want too. So if he hangs on maybe they keep going the same direction they are right now or maybe they freak out even more. There's a lot of dangerous crap just lying around waiting to be picked up by the wrong person. I hid some of it but you know if Matt and a couple of those others really get it into their minds to do something a locked door isn't going to stop them."

He sighed and then added, "Right now they aren't really doing anything about making sure they've got good food and stuff like that for this winter. I think some of them really believe that the government will be here at some point soon to rescue them … or that their families will come back and everything will eventually get back to normal."

I hugged my arms and kind of walked around in circles while he just looked at me. I was starting to have a hard time absorbing everything. I was freaking but I didn't want him or anyone else to know it. Nothing that had happened that day had turned out the way it was supposed to. I'd also lost my part time boyfriend and best friend in the world in one fell swoop. I had found out lots of people were dead and lots more were missing and the people that were left all seemed to have taken a vacation from reality. And now here was Jax with his little girl and I knew he didn't just follow me for kicks.

I looked at him, "What is it you want?"

"I told you …"

I nodded, "Yeah, I know what you told me. And say I believe you … that can't be all of it. It can't be that simple. I know you Jax … there's a plan in there some place and I'm not going to walk into it blind. You gave up going away to college for your kid but still wound up working for Dad at the mill because according to him you were smart enough to know what you were smart at and smart enough to get smart about what you weren't. He said you had a plan for everything … how to make up hours when Kelly had appointments or was sick, how to work it so that you could take online classes to get a degree a little at a time, how to stretch the dollars you were bringing in, how you were going to move out of your aunt and uncles place once Kelly started school … I had to listen to it all the time. It got irritating. You'd messed up big time but somehow my straight as a razor father still admired you."

Something in Jax's shoulders relaxed. "I admired your Dad too. He was one of the first that let me earn some respect after everything that had happened. Certainly not my dad … not even my uncle would do that. I rented from him, that's about as far as it went most of the time." He saw me just standing there looking at him and he sighed. "If I say, you aren't going to want me."

"First off …" I tried to come up with something and completely drew a blank. "Forget it. Just say it and have done. As you can see I didn't escape with my bike so it is going to take me til dark to get home."

"You can't walk around in the dark like that Lydie, it isn't safe. Matt tries to act like the school is the only place there are people but there's a small group on the other side of town that didn't buy into his act. Thing is they are even more unstable than the kids are." He shook his head. "They've gone all religious and stuff and keep to themselves though I've caught them watching every once in a while."

"But where there are two groups there might be more." I told him knowingly.

Jax nodded. "Not big groups but I've seen people creeping around. I think some of them come in from out of town or they are passing through but don't hang around. I don't recognize them either way and rarely see them more than once or twice before they are gone."

I snorted. "Not recognizing them doesn't mean anything. I almost didn't recognize Matt and Marty and they …" I shut up suddenly sad in a way I hadn't been before.

He patted my arm awkwardly and said, "I'm … I'm sorry. About … you know …"

Yeah, I did know. "I know the same thing happened to you. You survived so I guess I will too. Just … just I don't want to talk about it. Anyway, you're supposed to tell me this plan of yours."

He licked his lips and looked really uncomfortable. Just when he opened his mouth to start explaining the little girl in his arms sat up and said, "Daddy, I starvin'."

Jax didn't groan but he did make a face. Then he tried to sweat talk her. "Daddy will get you something in just a little bit."

"I staaarrrvin'," she said completely pathetic.

Jax was starting to look a little desperate and I don't know why but I laughed. "Well, they're probably squashed or crumbly but I still have my backpack so let's see."

I looked for a place to sit down but Jax mouthed, "Food?"

I nodded, "Yeah."

He asked, "Seriously?"

"I wouldn't kid a kid," I told him sensibly. Then in a bad British accent I said, "Bad form and all that."

Jax winced. "Please don't start talking that crazy talk. I couldn't understand Matt and the rest of them half the time."

I smiled a small smile. "OK."

"Come on. Let's go in here," he said pointing to a convenient mart. "It'll be better if we aren't in the open anyway."

We went into the back office, now empty except for the cob webs, and sat on a couple of folding chairs. When I pulled out the bread, cookies, and brownies I don't know whose eyes got bigger … Jax's or his daughters. I handed them some wetnaps that were also in my pack and told them to wash their hands.

"Lydie … are you sure you want to share …"

I gave him a grumpy look. "I already said I would didn't I?"

"Yeah but … I mean …" He gave me a close look. "You were going to use this as a hook weren't you."

I gave him a sour smile. "Dad said you weren't stupid. But I guess I was thinking something like that would work."

When I put the jar of mixed peanut butter and jelly on the counter I had to hand Jax a napkin to wipe Kelly's chin with when she started drooling so much. "Geez, what's up?" I asked.

"Peanut butter was her favorite and it ran out a long time ago. And she's going through a growth spurt probably, teething some molars too … she's always chewing on the edge of her blankey and always hungry lately. I … uh … don't cook too well. We used to make do out of the freezer and stuff my aunt would bring to the apartment but … none of that stuff is left."

As we sat together and the goodies disappeared I found I was actually more interested in watching Kelly and Jax eat than I was in feeding my own face. Curiously I asked, "Jax, just how bad is it?"

He shrugged a little embarrassed at getting caught inhaling the food I had given him. "It could be worse. At least no one is starving. A lot of the grain silos are still full except for the couple that got rats in them; even that might be salvageable for animals only none of the kids want to go out and bring it back to the school to store it. I've been trying to find books on how to cook grains or kill chickens and that sort of stuff but every time I bring it up to Matt he just ignores me and says there is plenty of cans and stuff, that we aren't reduced to quote 'primitive necessities' unquote."

Trying to ignore the twinge I felt at Matt's name I asked, "Is there enough food to last?"

"Yes and no. I got a partial inventory made before Matt locked things up so I can say they are decent right now. Enough probably to get through the winter but by spring there will be rationing of stuff pretty hard if some new supplies aren't found; cans will get lost to freezing too if they don't move it to a more protected area." He sighed. "Now, about this plan I sort of have."

"Yeah?" I said, more interested than I wanted him to know.

"Look, you're alone right?"

Getting suspicious I said, "And what if I am? I'm not helpless."

"I didn't say you are. You can't be to have made it this far unless maybe someone has been helping you."

I shook my head. "Either way, not your business."

"Well, I'm trying to make it my business," he persisted.

"You can try," I told him defensively.

He sighed. "Look Lydie … Geez, don't make me feel more stupid than I already do OK?" I blinked not expecting the conversation to go that direction. "Your Dad always told me I should be stockpiling a little of this and that since I had a kid to look after. I didn't because I thought … well, because I didn't want to think I guess, at least not about that stuff. And look now. I'm reduced to begging …"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa … we aren't talking about begging and if you don't start making sense I'm gonna walk," I told him using irritation to cover my embarrassment at seeing him … well, almost begging.

"Lydie, I meant what I said about working for a safe place for Kelly. I … I kind of know your Dad looked at things … different. He said it was bad to be too dependent on things that could go away too easily. That I needed redundancy plans. He told me a few things about what he and your mom did. I just … just never seemed to have the time or money to get around to doing something about my own situation. But I know your Dad did. I'm asking if … if …"

And then a light bulb went on. "You want to come out to my place and live."

"Yeah," he admitted.

I know some people might think it strange but I nodded giving it serious consideration. After all I had come to town to get a "clan". "What else and don't tell me there isn't more."

He licked his lips again. "I thought maybe … if things worked out … if … you know … you and me … could …" He stood up with Kelly in his arms and said, "Forget it. I … uh …"

"Jax. Chill." He looked at me. I shook my head. "I can't talk about this stuff with you holding her. Can you sit her down for a minute?"

All of a sudden Jax got real stiff. "We're a package deal."

I rolled my eyes. "No kidding. Just … you know … what you were talking about … kinda hard to have a conversation about it with her blowing spit bubbles and being all cute and junk."

"The floor's dirty," he said.

Exasperated I told him, "All right. Fine. Hold her just … you know … don't use her to get what you want. It is freaking weird to see a guy your age acting all … all fatherly and stuff. I watched you play Little League and win pie eating contests at the fair when we were little. It's bizarre to see you with a little girl of your own that calls you daddy you know?"

He said quietly, "Yeah. I get that a lot." He sat back down on the stool and rocked a bit so that Kelly started getting sleepy. "Geez. I know this makes me sound like some kind of … of gigolo …"

I choked on crumb of brownie I had just put in my mouth. I gave him a dirty look and said, "I knew sex was part of this somehow."

He shook his head. "It doesn't have to be. I mean … maybe if we want it to at some point. I was trying to think about that with any of the other girls and just couldn't figure how it could work and …"

This time it was me that reached over and put my hand over his mouth. He pushed it away and asked, "What?"

"You need like a mouth guard or something because when your boot finally hits your mouth as hard as it is about to you're going to break some teeth."

"Huh? Uh … oh … you mean … well yeah … I know how it sounds."

I doubted seriously that he did. "Jax?"

"Yeah?"

"You used to be cool with the girls. What happened?"

He looked indignant for a minute and then sighed and shrugged. "I had to learn to change diapers and put up with being laughed at because I'd get to work and there was spit up all down my back. I learned that tired wasn't what you felt after a football game but what you felt after your kid stayed up half the night with colic and you still had to go to work the next day because if you didn't your kid wouldn't eat. I learned that girls think it is ok for them to have a kid or two at home but the guy isn't supposed to. I learned that all those single parent support groups are really for girls and women because the guys are all retards and unwilling to pay child support and other things like that."

"Really?" I asked. "That sounds … awful."

"Really," he said in a voice like sour milk. Then with a look at the little girl asleep in his arms he said, "But I'd do it all again if I could know that I'd still wind up with Kelly."

There was a big boom that made us all jump and woke Kelly up and she started to whimper. I looked outside and saw the clouds had gotten pretty dark. "Storm," I told him. "This is not going to be fun to walk home in."

"I told you …"

I put my hand up to stop another one of his lectures. "I know what you told me but I have to get home to take care of the animals. They've got automatic water troughs but I feed them by hand."

He just kept looking at me and then I sighed. "Look Jax, walking in the rain isn't my idea of fun but I have to get back. I've got responsibilities." Then I scrunched my eyes shut for a brief minute then said quickly, "But if you want to come you can."

He hadn't expected me to give in that easily. "What?"

"I said …"

"Wait, no, I mean I heard that but … but are you serious?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I just said it to make myself look like a complete fool."


	8. New Geek Empire Part 5

_**The New Geek Empire Part 5**_

He wasn't going to give me a chance to change my mind. "I know where we can get another bike and it's close to where I've been stashing stuff for Kelly in case we had to make a fast break for some reason." The look I gave him made him nod. "I know how that sounds but like I said, the rest of them are … unstable right now and I worried that something might happen. I don't want to put Kelly any more at risk than I already have. I've messed up enough; it is time to start thinking four jumps ahead instead of just one or two."

It sounded like something my dad would have said which made me a little uncomfortable. I looked outside and almost groaned. "Rats! It's sprinkling," I told him. "Let's wait a few minutes to see if it lets up. I don't think any of us wants the sniffles."

He shook his head and then after looking at the giant dry-weather drops hitting the concrete grew boring for both of us he said, "Uh … Lydia? I really am sorry about the way you got treated. I know it's … it's hard but just try and understand and remember how you felt when your family was killed. I'm not making excuses for them but at least you had some structure, some … some boundaries; some people that still had some authority helping you through it. They don't have anyone. They're creating it as they go along using what they know best."

Not quite ready to let go of my hurt feelings I told him, "You didn't get all weird, at least not that I can tell yet. And neither did I."

"Thanks … I think." He gave a one-shouldered shrug and made a face to go with it. "I admit that Matt is way ahead of me academically, that's a no-brainer even for me. But I've got two years on him and more life experience; plus, I have Kelly totally dependent on me and it grounded me in a way Matt has never been … that any of them have ever had to be." He gave me a sly look and I had a feeling I knew what was coming. "As for you, you've always been strange so …"

I punched him softly on the shoulder and said, "Ha … ha … ha. Fine, I walked into that one face first. Seriously though, they can't go on living like they are."

He asked, "Why not?"

Surprised at his attitude I bleated, "What do you mean why not?! It's … it's bizarre … fantasyland … crazy. To be honest it wouldn't surprise me if some of them are smokin' weed or something like that."

He was silent for a moment. "I think a couple of them were, and a couple were speeding to keep from having to go to sleep and have bad dreams, but there hasn't been anything obvious for a while. Matt managed to find what was left of that stuff and lock it up before anyone got too hooked."

Surprised I asked, "What about the booze? No age limit anymore and no one around to card either."

He thought about it and then told me, "Just like with the drugs most of it was gone before people died or disappeared. Most of what was left at that point was confiscated by DHS's contractors. When the work groups go out and they actually find some drugs or booze they are brought back to Matt who locks the stuff up. I wasn't around the day that rule was made but from what I heard Matt gave everyone some kind of talking to about keeping their minds and body clean so that the group think was healthier or something like that."

I shook my head wondering how Matt pulled that one off and said, "OK, so they're sober; but then what's their excuse for playing dress up?"

Jax liked to think before he answered so it was a moment before he asked, "Have you ever wondered why some ancient tribes and early cultures dressed and acted like they did?" I shrugged not quite knowing what he was getting at. He said, "I have, especially lately. My guess is they had … uh … vacuums of space in their lives or psyches that needed to be filled. You know how they say nature abhors a vacuum? Well, I think they picked something that would draw them together as a group, set them apart from other groups so that they'd have a shared identity, and made them feel strong and powerful at the same time … something that would fill the empty spaces in their lives."

Leaning against the wall I looked at him for a moment; long enough to apparently make him uncomfortable. But I didn't mean it that way. I told him, "You've given this a lot of thought haven't you?"

"You don't need to get snotty," he said embarrassed.

I shook my head. "You're taking it the wrong way. I'm serious. You've given it a lot of thought."

He looked to check whether I was joshing him or not. When he could see I wasn't he relaxed again. "Yeah, I have. I'm not making excuses for Matt – or any of the others either – but the last thing I wanted to think was that my cousin had nose-dived into the koolaid. I know they look kind of crazy but I don't think they really are; they're just lost and trying to create some structure they can understand and deal with, something that makes them feel better than the way they were feeling which was scared and alone."

Trying to see it from his point of view wasn't easy. I glanced out the window and said, "It's stopped raining. You mind if we get going?"

"No. We should probably hurry as much as we can. I need to make sure Kelly is changed and everything before we really hit the road. Uh … you mind if we detour by my parents' place? It's off of Mulberry and we can take Jefferson Creek Road to go out past the mill too if you want to."

Adding it up in my head I said, "Whatever. Let's just go. It's just passed one now and fifteen miles to get home. If we take an hour to get the bike and pick up your stuff, a few minutes at your parents' place, and then maybe a few minutes at the mill … I think we can still make it home before dark assuming we don't get caught out in more rain."

We both moved forward. Without thinking much about it I held the bike steady while he put Kelly in her seat. He pushed the bike and we both walked though I told him if he wanted to ride that was OK, that I could keep up. He shook his head and then we both fell silent for a while. Then he asked quietly, "Lydie?"

"Yeah?"

He caught me off guard when he asked, "You're trying not to think about this aren't you?"

I gave him a quick look. "If you are going to do that mind reading … uh … carp …" I said changing the word I was going to use when I saw Kelly watching me with those big baby eyes of hers.

He shook his head and said, "Not mind reading … I can just tell. I used to do the same thing. Had to make decisions fast and then just tried not to think how much more messed up my life could get if I had made the wrong choice. But look, that other stuff we were talking about maybe being part of the picture. I'm not … look … I'm not going to force anything on you and you don't force anything on me. I know you need to get over Matt first, get passed being mad at him anyway, and I still have Kelly to think about and who has to come first. Let's just take it slow and one step at a time."

I asked, "Isn't it the girl that is supposed to say stuff like that? Like let's just be friends first?"

He shrugged, "Heck if I know. Darlene …" He looked down at Kelly and said, "Darlene was more of the hurry up and let's get to it type. My mom tried to warn me about girls like that but I was a guy and in lust, wasn't thinking and got careless. Darlene kept saying she had it all under control but apparently she wasn't taking the pill right or at the right time or something like that. She kept telling her parents that I was the first but that wasn't true and she and I both knew it. Darlene liked her fun, she just didn't want to have to pay for it. Me? I was just stupid."

I didn't want to know the details and it must have shown. He asked, "Having second thoughts?"

"Not exactly. Just thinking that life is really messed up and that my dad and mom would be spazzing if they knew what I was doing."

Saying yet something else that caught me off guard he asked, "You don't think they do?"

It was an odd question but I thought about it anyway. "I guess maybe they do but kind of in a far off, it can't hurt them kind of way. At least that's what I believe right now. Sometimes I don't know what to believe. Why?"

He shrugged. "Your dad always seemed so sure of what he believed in."

Sighing, I agreed. "Yeah, he and Mom both were. Will sure was and used to give testimony at church about being sick and having faith and stuff like that. I used to think I was as sure as they were. Now I'm not sure I know anything. I mean most days I do but then sometimes … it's hard to understand why God let's things happen the way they do. I don't know." I shrugged a little embarrassed at talking about something so personal. "How did we start talking about this stuff anyway?"

Instead of answering directly he looked at me and said, "You should be more careful. What if I was a real jerk and just telling you stuff that you want to hear?"

"So now you're trying to talk me out of it again or aren't I answering your questions the right way?"

"No, it's not that. I just have a hard time reconciling what I used to think of you with the girl you're being right now. You got your emancipation and surprised a lot of people by how well you did. Now here you are and I wonder how you got this far without getting into trouble when you ask strange men to come live with you."

I snorted. "One, you aren't a strange guy … well you are but you know what I mean. I've known you like my whole life even if we didn't ever exactly hang out with the same crowd. Two, Dad thought you were ok and moving in the right direction. Three, you are the one that brought it up to me first."

He smiled a little and said, "OK, I'll give you all three." More seriously he said, "But that doesn't mean you don't need to be more careful."

"I know."

He opened his mouth to say something then shut it and looked at me funny. "You know?"

"Yeah," I told him. "I'm not stupid. I should have pushed the issue with Matt more, found out more about what was going on in town. I shouldn't have come to town thinking that I was all that and then some thinking I could just waltz in like nothing had changed. I got too insulated at home. I've had it so easy that I made some assumptions I shouldn't have. Want me to keep going?"

He shook his head and then laughed. "You know, that's why it was always easy being around you."

"Huh?"

He laughed again but not to make fun of me. "I don't know how to explain it. Mostly you don't act like most people would in your place. "

I shrugged. "Dad used to say that the trouble with being like everyone else is that you wind up making the same mistakes everyone else makes too." I kicked a rock into the gutter and added quietly, "Jax I don't want this to be a mistake. I've already got enough regrets; don't make me regret this too."


	9. New Geek Empire Part 6

_**The New Geek Empire Part 6**_

"You didn't tell me we had to go back to the school," I whispered more because Kelly was asleep than because I was afraid someone would hear me.

"We aren't going back to the school, just near it. I put some stuff in the storeroom at the Watt-a-burger down the street," Jax answered.

"Close enough," I insisted. "I'm likely persona non grata right now."

It had taken us about twenty minutes to get close to where we were going. "Don't sweat it. The reason I brought us this way is so that they couldn't see us."

"And how do you know that? There's windows all across … well nearly all across … hey … there's hardly any windows on this side. I never noticed that before."

Jax chuckled. "Yeah, well the dumpster and all the electrical stuff is back here. The loading dock is too. All nice and neat behind that concrete block wall. You don't think anyone wanted their little darlings being blinded by the blight do you?"

"Blinded by the blight? Cute Jax, real cute." Looking around I wondered, "This close to the school though, shouldn't someone be watching from the roof or something?"

He nodded, "That's what I told Matt. He ignored me. So I told Sas who told me that if Matt told me to shut up then I better shut up."

"I swear, what has gotten into Sas? He used to be such a teddy bear."

In a voice colder than I thought it needed to be Jax answered, "Inability to deal with reality. In real life he's a big goober that can barely bend over and tie his own shoes. In fantasyland he's Hotsnot War Hammer and all the women love him."

I almost laughed … almost. "OK, I take it Sas stepped on your toes a few times."

"Jerk took a swing at me and I was holding Kelly at the time."

Shocked I yelped, "What?!"

He shrugged. "That's when I realized how many of the kids were starting to really slip off into the Twilight Zone."

"But what did you do?" I asked.

"I caught him when he was alone and decked him. Told him if he ever put my kid in danger again he wasn't long for this world." He shook his head. "He nearly wet himself. But now he acts like I don't exist. Honestly don't care so long as … dang this thing is jammed up. Bless it! The key broke off in the lock!"

"Take it easy. Just cut those fence ties and we'll get in that way. Unless that key was supposed to work the door too?"

He turned to find me handing him my leatherman and smart mouthed, "You're more than half useful, you know that?"

I snorted at his attempt at backhanded flattery but didn't have to wait long before he had the fence pulled back so that we could roll the bike through and load up his stuff. After we got in and I saw how much stuff he was talking about I said, "And how do you intend on getting all of that in those saddle bags?"

"I don't. Help me load it into this thing … uh … please."

I looked at what he was dragging out of another room and it was one of those wagons you attach to otHa bike and can pull two kids in it while you pedal along. "Smart," I told him.

"I hope so. There's another one in the other room and another bike too. Your dad taught me that redundancy was a friend to cultivate at work … and in regular life it isn't bad either." He was tightening a bolt down when he said, "If you don't mind pulling it I want to try and take a few things from my parents' place."

It was all good and pretty soon we were pedaling away. It took us another fifteen minutes to get there and then he came out with a couple of bags in under five minutes. "That was fast!"

"Like I said, I've been trying to think ahead." He put the bags in the trailer on the bike I was using and then said, "Thanks." I had been making sure Kelly didn't wiggle and knock the bike over. "Look, if it gets too heavy …"

"It's fine. Let me build up some steam so I can keep up. Just glad we don't have to go up Look Out Mountain hauling this stuff." He chuffed a laugh and we were on our way to the mill.

Summer was coming to an end but that didn't mean fall weather had arrived. We didn't see another person while we were out but we kept of a fast pace and we were both sweating by the time we pedaled into the employee parking lot of the mill. He said, "Let's keep going over to office. I wanna check something out."

I'd come this far with him so I figured why the heck not. It had been a while since I had been to the mill and it felt eerie and a little haunted. I hadn't been there since some ceremony or other they had for my family where they planted a few trees in their memories. I asked, "How long are we going to be here?"

"Probably not long, hour at the most."

"An hour?!"

He shrugged, "At most." He looked at me and when he realized I was a little upset he asked, "Bother you to be here?"

I admitted, "Kinda. What are you looking for?"

He got down off the bike and pointed, "That."

"That" was a funky looking panel van. "Wait … is that what I think it is?"

Jax nodded his head. "Yep, the Edison Electric van that the mill owners bought to show how 'green' they were. Most of us just thought it was to show off how much 'green' they had." We both chuckled at the pun. "I tried to tell Matt we needed to get out here and check this place out but you know what his opinion was."

"You mean his Dad's opinion."

Jax nodded. "Both of them and you know it. Matt is a snob … at least about stuff like this. You know how he talked."

"OK, so I know it. It is one of the few things that was guaranteed to get us in a fight so we never talked about it." Matt was a tree hugger. A great big flaming tree hugger. To him the mill was like the devil incarnate. They were killing Bambi and Thumper's habitat, they were killing the trees, ruining the water, poisoning the land, yada, yada. Granted they used to do a lot of that in the old days but he never would give the mill owners credit for having joined the 21st century. The water coming out of the mill had gotten to where it was probably cleaner than what went into most of the town's houses. And they planted way more trees than they ever harvested. They also helped to manage the local hardwood forests using selective harvest which made the ecosystem a lot healthier in the long run. But Matt wouldn't have believed that if God Himself had written it on stone tablets.

I looked at Jax and told him, "But we don't have a way to charge it up."

"Shouldn't need to I hope. This baby has a lithium ion battery. And …" He reached under the bumper and pulled out a little box. "A ha!"

"A key box? For real?! That's like sticking a sign on the bumper that reads steal me."

"Not around here. Besides, I have to rehook the … got it." Jax had used the key to open the van and pop the hood and had reattached some wires. "Now let's hope she starts."

It only clicked at first but then it gave this weird buzzing noise and cranked up. "Well yippee skippee," I said with my mouth nearly hanging open in shock.

Jax hopped out of the van and told me, "I'm going to turn it off to save the battery now that I know it will crank. Let's load the bikes and the trailers and then have a look around to see if there is anything else useful."

Feeling uncomfortable I said, "I don't know Jax … I mean … isn't that stealing? What if the owners come back and …"

He gave me an incredulous look. "Are you telling me you haven't …?"

"Haven't what?"

"How have you been living all this time if you haven't been scavenging and stuff?"

I suppose it sounded a little self-righteous when I told him, "I haven't needed to."

He looked at me and then got thoughtful. "You really haven't have you."

"No," I told him defensively. "So what?"

He sighed. "So, that puts you head and shoulders above everyone else probably. Are there any groups out by your?"

I shrugged and told him, "Just the Houchins."

When I got a troubled look on my face he said, "What?"

"Well, I guess I just never thought about it but … but they took over the two farms on either side of them. I just … I don't know … thought it was because they didn't want the animals to die." I was feeling pretty stupid.

For his part Jax just shook his head the sighed. "Look, we can discuss this stuff later but right now just try and get over your … your scruples. The owners are dead, trust me. I helped carry them out of their big old house out on River Road myself … they are definitely NOT coming back. And I don't know for sure what is out here, if anything at all, but let's just give it a quick look. No way I can bring back all the tools and stuff I want in one trip anyway."

"Why do you need tools? Dad's shop must have every kind known to man and a few that look extraterrestrial too."

He blinked a couple of times and then said, "And … that's a good thing. So one less worry for me to think about."

As we walked into the building that housed the employee break room I said, "Kelly isn't making a fuss or anything. I thought kids cried all the time."

"She has her moments," he admitted. "But usually she is pretty good. She's used to going with me all over the place so it isn't like something she hasn't experienced before. She knows if she gets tired she can just fall asleep in the carrier and I'll keep going. If she gets thirsty she has her sippy cup."

"I take it the only problem is f-o-o-d."

He gave me a grateful glance that I had spelled it rather than said it out loud. "Yeah, pretty much. I ran out of a lot of stuff for her that she was used to having and she's having a hard time learning new habits. It's hard on both of us. Nothing is easy anymore. All I can say is I'm glad she doesn't need diapers anymore."

It was dim in the break room but enough light came in through the windows placed high on the wall that we could see what we were doing. The first cabinet I opened I nearly screamed and then slammed it shut. Jax came running out of the back office and saw me throwing a hissy."

"What's the problem?"

"If you laugh I'll brain you."

He face slowly transformed into a huge smile. "The bug spray is in that cabinet over there or do you want me to spray the bad ol' spider for you."

I was tempted to flip him a rude gesture but decided to ignore him instead. I'm allergic to spiders … not I'm gonna die in a matter of seconds allergic, just the bite swells up and tries to get infected kind of allergic. Spiders are about the only living creature that will freak me out and all my friends thought it was hilarious. Every Halloween I donated all the plastic and rubber spiders that I had collected all year long from their pranks and there was normally enough to decorate the school's haunted house with some left over. The jokes got old fast but there wasn't a thing I could do about it.

In the cleaning cabinet I found some of those blue nitrile gloves that you wear if you are allergic to latex. I checked them out to make sure nothing was hiding in the fingers and then put them on and went back to searching the rest of the break room.

"Jax?"

"Yeah?"

"You drink coffee?"

"Sometimes, why … wait, did you find any in the break room?

"Yeah, like a couple of cases of the stuff. The bags are still sealed and the filters look ok too. Is this the kind of stuff you want to try and take?"

He walked back in and I saw he had suddenly started looking like Pancho Villa. "Uh …"

He sighed. "You don't have anything against guns do you?"

"No, of course not … uh … just … where did … I mean … look at yourself."

"I know. It was easier to carry like this than try and pack it all in here in my hands. Is there an empty box over there? There's a bunch of shotgun shells and .22lr in Mr. Lachlan's office. I don't know what happened to all of the guns that were supposed to be in there."

"Did you check Mr. Harmon's office?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's where I found the key's to Lachlan's safe. I guess DHS might have confiscated them but I would have thought that they would have taken the ammo at the same time."

He was starting to look frustrated and I told him, "Dad's guns are at the house. If you feel you gotta have one then I suppose … you know …"

He looked momentarily relieved and then shook his head. "I didn't even think to ask if you were armed."

"With a gun no."

I waggled my boot at him and he snorted, "That knife's not gonna do you a bit of good in your shoe. You need to start packing … all the time. You still know how to shoot?"

Facetiously I asked, "Do spring traps launch orcs into flaming pools of lava?"

He looked at me like I'd lost my mind and asked, "Say what?"

I laughed, really laughed, for the first time in a long time. "It's just a game called 'Orcs Must Die!' See there are these pressure plates …"

He shook his head in a hurry and said, "Never mind. I don't want to know that bad."

I laughed again and it felt good. "Yes, I can still shoot. I was actually thinking of going hunting once I got Matt and … and Marty … and …"

I sighed then said quietly, "I can shoot. Not a problem. And I usually hit what I'm aiming at too."

Jax came over and helped me to dump one box of coffee into the other so he could have the empty one. "Look Lydie, it's … it's going to be ok. I … uh … know you're hurting right now and …"

I looked over and realized that Jax could be sweet when he put his mind to it but I also realized sweet wasn't what I needed right then. I shook myself and said, "They're loss. Right? We'll build what they … what they …"

I had to stop talking. I had started to breathe real heavy and my eyes had gotten almost too watery. I turned away from him. "Um … just go back to doing whatever you were doing. There's the box you wanted."

Instead of him going away he came in behind me and put his hands on my shoulder from behind. "It's going to be really great Lydie. You're right … their loss. You'll see too, just like they will."

I was biting my lip but one stupid tear still managed to roll down my cheek. "I'm not normally like this you know. I …"

"Hey, you don't need to explain. Just try and keep in mind that they've got some damage to sort through." After a minute he asked, "Are … are you interested in you and … uh … Matt getting back together?"

I shook my head. "No, and not because he just acted like Carth Onasi."

"Uh …"

I sighed, "A male character in Knights of the Old Republic. Don't worry about it. Basically token male love interest with personal issues."

He snorted, "OK." He made me turn around and look at him. "If you can spout that gamer stuff you can't be too bad off."

I huffed and then sniffed the last tear away. "I'm just mad … mostly at myself."

He corrected, "Your feelings are hurt."

"And what if they are?" I asked belligerently.

He grabbed a napkin out of the pile of stuff I had put on one of the tables and surprised me by wiping my face with it. "It's OK Lydie. It'll hurt for a while and then one day you'll wake up … and it won't hurt as much."

I took the napkin from him and blew my nose with it. "Experience speaking?"

He smiled gently, "Something like that."

I blew a breath out and said, "OK. So if I'm not going to fall to pieces I guess that means we need to finish what we're doing."

He gave me an approving grin and said, "Right."

In the end we didn't go too much off of the break room and employee lockers and we still wound up with a van load of stuff. "Jax do you think we really need all of this? Not to brag or anything but I've got anything you could want."

"Well, you might be bragging a little but …" He grinned to take any sting from his words but there was also curiosity there. "You know, that could be taken the wrong way." At my blush he grinned even bigger. "Don't sweat it, I know what you mean … I think. But no matter how much stuff you have you need to understand they aren't making any more 'stuff' right now so anything we can pick up that doesn't already belong to someone else will be something we hopefully will not run out of before they start making 'stuff' again."

I gave that a thought and it made my heart thump hard. I hadn't given very much serious consideration to how long my world was going to be neutral. A different view of things was trying to creep in and I didn't like it. I said quietly, "Play time is over I guess. Time to get serious."

He heard me and the look on my face had him asking, "Hey, you OK? You don't look so good."

I shook myself to regain control. "I'm fine. Let's just get this stuff loaded. And …" I gave him a serious look. "I'm glad you're around. I … uh … Matt never had much patience when I didn't get his ideas right away. You … you do it differently." He was surprised and tried to not show his pleasure but he'd won that point so I was more than willing to give it to him.

The van wasn't huge and Jax warned that it wouldn't haul more than 3,000 pounds. "We should be OK. I wish the GEM truck was working."

"GEM truck? That's a new one on me."

He nodded. "It was delivered right after your dad … uh … died. Or maybe it doesn't really matter whether it is working or not. It uses nine 8-volt gel batteries and only gets forty miles per charge, if that. Plus it sucks going uphill; the more uphill you go the less battery time you have. It was great for moving stuff around the flat areas of the plant but not for getting anything out to the guys in the field. Doubt it would even still have a charge at this point."

"Well then don't waste time thinking about it."

He said, "It isn't a waste exactly. It might be useful for something at some point I just don't know what yet … or how we could transport it to your dad's … your … place."

"Easy," I told him. "We'd just tow it."

He looked at me sharply. "You still have gas? Is it stabilized? How much?"

I shook my head. "Only partly correct; I still make fuel. Yes, it is stabilized. And how much depends on what raw ingredients I have to work with. I've also got a steam powered tractor but that thing makes way too much noise … same with the other steam engines Dad and I used to play around with. But there's plenty of charcoal for them if we really do need them."

He gave me a blank look then said, "We really gotta talk. How many other people know you're kin to Midas?"

I rolled my eyes and passed him another case of bathroom paper products. "I'm not kin to Midas. Dad and I just liked to tinker around and build stuff. Will would join us sometimes but usually he was playing catch up with living when he wasn't sick." Jax nodded his understanding. "As for who knows … me and … well there's you … and then you … and oh yeah … you."

"Not Matt?" he asked.

Sighing I said, "No. You know your uncle and my dad didn't exactly … er … see eye to eye on a lot of stuff. Dad never held that against Matt or vice versa but it kinda forced me to keep my life … segregated I guess you would say. For me there was school and friends and then there was home and family."

"And the two didn't overlap much?"

"Not much except where Will and I had mutual friends." To myself I added, "Or at least who I thought were my friends."

I must have said it where Jax could hear it because he said, "They were your friends Lydie and might still be; I don't know, I can't speak for them. But life happens and things change. It doesn't mean you throw out the good stuff of the past, it just means you have to get on with the living of today. But I am glad for your sake that people don't know about how much you have. You've already had a target painted on you by being female and alone, no need to make it worse."

"Geez, thanks for the warm and fluffy feelings there Jax. Makes me feel all comfortable and happy," I told him sarcastically.

Suddenly sounding older than I had considered he told me, "I'm not saying it to make you comfortable. I'm saying it because someone needs to say it. You need to be more careful. First thing I'm going to check the locks and stuff and …"

Not prepared for his sudden overprotectiveness I responded, "Don't go getting testosterone poisoning on me. I hear there's no cure."

He put the box he was holding down with a thump. "Lydie …," He stopped like he was searching for words. "Lydie listen to me. I'm not trying to scare you, not really. And I'm not trying to come over all king of the hill and stupid. But the world has changed. It is a different place than it was a few months ago. Like it or not, you are a girl and you need to be more careful because there are guys out there that are just animals. And I know you're going to say that it has always been like that and it's true. But think on this … there's no one out there to stop them anymore. They'll take what they want from whom they want and if they decide that you are what they want, even if it is just for a minute, there isn't a whole lot to stop them. Now I don't want that for Kelly … or for you. It scares the crap out of me to think Kelly could …" He shook his head both mad and sick at the same time. He grunted, "But it is this way, at least for right now and if I'm going to be worth my place – for Kelly's sake and yours – I'm going to do it the best I can and if that means sounding like a … like a …"

I stopped him. "I get it Jax. I was just making a joke for Pete's sake."

He calmed down a little but not all the way. "Well it isn't a joke. Before so many people were poisoned and died town had gotten to be a dangerous place to be. The cops had their hands full with emergencies and all the new people coming in and not knowing how things were done around here … normal things like domestic calls and stuff like that became a low priority." He looked at me and said, "Did you have a chance to see how everyone had paired off with Matt's gang? There's not a single female in the bunch. That's going to cause problems before too much longer if I don't miss my guess. That's probably why some of the guys play games so much, to keep their mind off of what they aren't getting on top of everything else they don't have."

"That's a little crude," I snarked at him.

"Crude maybe, but it's true. It isn't easy being odd man out. Especially at night when sound carries."

"Ew … TMI!"

"Maybe," he snorted. "But just because I swore off making the same mistake I made that brought Kelly into the world doesn't mean that I don't still think about it." He must have realized how that sounded because he got beet red and said, "I … uh … didn't mean …"

I was blushing too and told him, "Well, you did … but not the way it sounded I guess. Just remember … you're not Adam and I'm not Eve. If … you know … it does happen it won't be because I'm being backed into a corner or that you can make me feel sorry for you."

Looking indignant he said, "I wouldn't want it like that anyway."

"Good," I told him and decided to change the subject. "Do we really need these cigarettes and cigars? Or did you pick up the smoking habit and I didn't know it?"

"Trade or barter goods." When he saw me looking the question at him he explained, "At some point we'll likely have to trade for something we need. I read someplace that during war time cigarettes and liquor make good trade items."

I laughed, "Well, this is a paper mill … maybe we should stock up on paper."

Jax took the suggestion more seriously than I had meant it. "Actually what this plant makes for the most part is commercial packaging and corrugated products. The other types of paper products were shipped in from the other plants in other parts of the country. Don't get me wrong, there's probably enough toilet paper and paper towels to clog up the dam with but the supply isn't endless. Neither are the reams of paper in the office. Geez, there's so much stuff we should be taking with us." He shook his head. "If I can figure out a way to charge … no … use a truck to … no … someone will see … maybe …"

I let him think, it seemed to keep him busy and relatively happy which was more than could be said for Kelly who was starting to get bored. I made her another half a peanut butter sandwich and Jax smiled. Made me feel weird but good too. Maybe this clan thing didn't have to be as hard as I was afraid of it being.

Finally Jax said that we were as loaded as we could afford to be and we finally headed for home. We weren't on the road five minutes before it started to rain again. "Sure feels strange driving again," Jax muttered as he navigated the pot holes and pointed us towards the farm.

"Yeah." Then I had a thought of my own. "I know I said I wanted to get home before dark but I don't think we are going to make it. Either way, let's take the scenic route and go home the back way to avoid the Houchins' place. If keeping stuff to ourselves is that important then announcing our arrival driving this green monsters isn't going to be a good thing."

He nodded and I told him the basic route to take and without further delay we got pointed in the right direction.


	10. New Geek Empire Part 7

_**The New Geek Empire Part 7**_

"Hold onto her tight; we're coming up to another curve."

What I really needed to hold onto was my temper. "Jax, you've told me to hold onto her about a dozen times already. I'm not going to let her bang her head, bump her mouth, fall out of the window, or any of the other horrors you apparently think I'm stupid enough to let happen. Just pull over already and switch places with me; I'll drive, you can hold the wiggling wonder instead."

He slowed and pulled over. "Look, maybe we better."

I shook my head. "Suits me but more than likely as soon as I pull out you are just going to start back seat driving."

Instead of moving so that I could get behind the wheel he turned to look at me in the late afternoon light. "I … I just can't stand the idea of anything happening to Kelly. She's all I have and all I've really had in a long time. She's … she's my kid."

I sighed and told him, "I get that. I don't have a problem with it either. I don't really have a problem with you telling me a couple of times to be careful but … after a couple it kinda makes me feel like you think I'm an idiot. I may not have a kid of my own Jax but I do understand they're precious cargo. You're nearly as bad as my parents could get over Will."

Jax drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and then sighed and pulled back onto the road. "I'm not used to trusting people."

"You let Ashley, Ginger and the other girls babysit for you."

He shrugged and said, "I didn't have much of a choice and I only did it when I absolutely had to for as short a time as I could possibly get away with."

"Fine … but I'm not going to hurl Kelly out a window, off the roof, or throw her down a well. I do have some commonsense you know."

After a moment he chuckled. "

Sorry. Guess I was being a little crazy."

"Not much as you could have I guess, just give me some credit. I did volunteer at the school day care center in case you didn't know."

Not overly impressed Jax said, "Yeah, a lot of kids volunteer there to get their hours for graduation there. Last I heard they did it because it was a coast."

I snorted. "Obviously your news was out of date. Mrs. Lemmin took over the DCC; volunteering there was work and you got a grade at the end of every week. If you didn't pass the grade then you didn't come back and you didn't get your recommends letter for your next volunteer opportunity."

"Ouch," he said. "She sounds like she was a real battle ax."

"Yeah but a lot of it was the new state regs she'd been hired to implement. I already had all of my first aid and CPR training but I still had to get recertified before I could start. I also had to participate in the parenting classes and afterschool training for the paid workers. It convinced me that while I like kids, I didn't want to work with classrooms full of them at a time as a career. So no offense, but Kelly here is a piece of cake compared to all those monkeys at the DCC. They practically swung from the lights the first couple of weeks after they would start the program." Shuddering at the memory of some of the kids I noticed we were getting close to the turn off. "Up there, you see those three bashed in mail boxes? Two entrances after that is the road that leads back to the house."

He was concentrating on driving but he was also looking around with interest. "And you say town is spooky. I didn't know there were so many houses out this way. And you say they are all empty?"

"Most of them are only facades; if you go beyond the front door all you'll find is partially finished rooms and some are even empty shells that only have the stud walls up. My dad called them spec homes and no one has ever lived in any of them. If you take the road opposite ours you'll go to a small circle of houses that people did live in but I haven't seen anyone in them for a while. I road my bike down there a couple of times but it's like they just went on vacation and never came home. There are some houses over by the Houchins place too but those are what's left of a foreclosed subdivision. There's also some trailers if you keep going down this road but they're abandoned too. I spent a lot of the summer running around picking fruit and stuff before it could fall and bringing it home to take care of just to have something to do. The deer got most of the gardens that had been planted that I could find, though I did manage to get some tomatoes but that's about it unless some of the squash survive which I kinda doubt." As Jax tried to come up with a response I told him, "Here … turn here. There's a couple of good sized dips in the road and some annoying acute turns but Dad put them in that way so that no could use our back road for playing Dukes of Hazard or Burnout Paradise. There is one really narrow piece coming up … yeah … right up there."

When we came up to the final mile long drive I told him, "Let me out here. There are two gates I'm going to have to unlock."

"Dang, you are on the back side of nowhere aren't you?"

"Is that your way of trying to tell me you're having second thoughts?" He shook his head though didn't talk as he negotiated around some oaklings that had grown too tall before their width could keep them completely upright. I told him, "We aren't really that far out, it just feels that way sometimes because of how slow you have to go to get back the final couple of miles."

Finally we pulled into the homestead lot and I directed him to pull over to the tractor barn. "Let me take care of the animals while you take care of Kelly. If you don't have a problem with soup, dinner won't take that long to fix. We'll save what's left of the bread and I'll make French toast for breakfast and you and Kelly can have crackers instead."

Kelly gave her vote by yelling for "Kackers! Kackers and Pea-buts!"

For some reason that struck me as hilarious but I still told her, "If you eat all the pea-but now there won't be any for tomorrow. Tell you what, you eat all your soup and I bet I can find a surprise that you'll like."

She still really wanted the pea-but but I told her to hush or she would scare the chickens and rabbits and then she wouldn't be able to help feed them. That shut her up for a moment then she wanted to see the "chickies and babbits right now." I was trying to figure out a polite way to tell Jax to stop dancing, that there was a bathroom in the barn but he figured it out for himself when I just pointed and walked off with his kid.

He followed the sound of his daughter's squeals at the chickens pecking at the cracked mixed feed I had put in their feeder. I handed her over telling him, "The rabbits are a little more temperamental. They're cute and fluffy but they'll bite if they get startled, especially King Kong."

I walked into the barn and turned up the gas lamp so I could see. Jax was watching the lamp for a moment but when he turned back around he jumped about four feet and just about yelled, "Holy … that's got to be the biggest rabbit I've ever seen in my life. You sure that ain't a dog in there?"

I laughed. "No, that's King Kong. He's a Hungarian Giant. He's got unusual coloring and is darker than most of his breed is. He likes to hide in the shadow and sneak up on me sometimes when I go in to clean his cage."

"Is that I mean … what do you do with a rabbit that big?" he asked finally coming over to take a good look at the nearly eighteen pound animal.

"King Kong is a novelty breed and basically a pet in this country. You see the ones with the long hair? Those are angoras and you shave them or just keep their combings and use it to make yarn with. Those regular looking rabbits in the hutches between those two posts are the ones that are for meat."

"Uh … meat? As in you … er … eat them?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, I feed all these animals just to give myself something to do a couple of times a day. I mean cleaning cages is just really, really fun." When he got my sarcastic point I told him, "Yes I eat them, and you will too but if you don't want me to tell you when I'll just …"

"No … uh … no, that's not what I mean. I'm not squeamish. My grandmother used to fix rabbit, squirrel, frog legs, goat, you name it. I just have a hard time believing you expected to be able to bring Matt … and Marty too … out here and expect them to eat Thumper."

I turned away and bit my lip. Quietly I admitted, "I've figured out I didn't have all the kinks worked out of my plan."

He sighed. "You know, I'm not normally this bad about sticking my foot in my mouth. Maybe that mouth guard is a good idea."

I relaxed. Jax was a lot easier to be around than I had expected. "No, but I tell you what. You don't twit me about being stupid and I won't twit you about having mouth-in-foot-itis. Deal?"

He chuckled. "Deal."

Then I got more serious. "I do have one suggestion though and I hope you'll understand. Don't let Kelly start thinking of the animals as pets. King Kong is a pet but he's already five years old and I really don't know how much longer he is going to live. Most rabbits don't live much beyond seven years though some have been known to live like fifteen or so. The angoras are a lot of work and they are used to being handled – some will even hop right to me to be brushed out – but they aren't what you would call especially friendly. They will snap if I hit a knot in their fur unexpectedly. The other rabbits are like the chickens, they serve their purpose and I treat them as well as I can … but I don't give them names or bring them in the house."

"Chickens too?"

"Especially those feather dusters," I answered. "Even the specialty breeds serve their purpose without being turned into pets. I keep the hens until their egg production drops off due to age and then it is time to turn them into fryers. Roosters I'll cull when they are still young and tender so we don't get a lot of fighting which can make them all a little crazy. Anyone of them gets mean and I don't care how good they are, I'll wring their necks and put 'em in a pot as fast as I can. Getting pecked is part of the job, getting spurred or having them fly in my face at my eyes is not."

He nodded. "I don't want her to get hurt. Better for her to learn it now when she is little so that it is more natural than have to unlearn bad habits later. Do you have any other animals?"

I nodded my head then shook it. "Well, they aren't my animals exactly. There are some goats that live in the kudzu that is growing into some of those abandoned track homes and they've gotten where they'll let me milk them if they are in the mood. The Billy is a smelly ol' beast but he took out a dog that tried to sneak up on me and now thinks he owns me or something I think." I laughed. "Of course it doesn't hurt that I always come with a bucket of feed to sweeten his nature a bit. And speaking of feed, how about I go fix the soup and you can pick the rooms you want for you and Kelly."

"Uh … ok. Let me get her stuff … aw nooo."

I looked sharply at him wondering what was wrong. "What's up?"

"I can't believe I forgot … no high chair or playpen or nothing. I've got to … to figure out … let me think."

I tapped his shoulder and then when I had his attention I tapped my forehead. "Already thought of it. Will's old stuff is in the attic; Mom never got rid of anything that might be useful later on. I know right where it is at too because I was up there last week looking for a lantern mantle."

In short order I'd washed my hands and opened a quart jar of bean and bacon soup and set it to warm and then took Jax upstairs trying not to feel strange about having someone in the house after being alone for so long. After all I was the one that had wanted a "clan" of my own. I might have been covering it up but Jax wasn't as good an actor. I showed him where my room was and suggested that he use the guest room that had been reserved for family when they came to visit. "The small room off of it used to be a nursery before it was turned into a sitting room. Might as well turn it back into what it was originally meant to be. Or you can put the crib in your room; whichever way you want to work it."

"Uh … ok."

It was dark going up to the attic so I clicked on the lights and not for the first time Jax jumped. "What the …? You've got electricity?!"

"Solar. We can't be stupid about it but it never let my family down before although I think one of the batteries might have died on me. I can't get a meter reading out of it."

Uneasily he looked around and said, "Someone might see, come to investigate."

"Black out curtains."

"Huh?"

I turned around and tickled Kelly rather than punch Jax. "I told you I'm not completely stupid. We started out using the blackout curtains just to keep the sun out during the day to keep the house cooler – they've got this film on them that keeps out the light rays that cause heat – but after my family was killed it took time for me to get used to living out here by myself and I kinda pretended that the black out curtains made me invisible. In a way they do. During the winter I'll reverse the curtains. It will reflect the heat back inside the house but still not let any light out."

We didn't talk much after that. We brought the baby stuff out of the attic that seemed useful and he wiped it down while I finished up dinner. By the time we were finished eating Kelly was nodding off so Jax got her ready for bed while I cleaned up the dishes. I was putting the drainer away when I heard him come down the stairs. As soon as I turned around I could tell he wanted to talk.

Before he could say something I asked him, "Be honest with me Jax, are you having second thoughts? You keep getting these looks on your face. I don't blame you if you are and I won't hold it against you. You're used to having all those people around and …"

Startled he blinked a couple of times and then said, "No … no not at all. Actually I was wondering if you were having second thoughts. I mean, seriously, what do you need me for out here? It seems like … man, I mean look at this place … it seems like you have all you need."

Then it was my turn to blink. Trying to explain I finally just said, "Let's sit down. Looking up at you gives me a crick in my neck." I split the last of the apple juice between two cups rather than putting it back in the cooler and then pulled out a chair and tried to find the right words.

"Jax I imagine you have felt alone before, but have you ever really been alone? I mean after Kelly was born and stuff?"

He shrugged, "I lived out of my car for about a week after Mom told me that if I chose to be Kelly's father then I was choosing to be an adult and if I was choosing that that I had to go all the way with it … get my own place and everything."

"Oh … oh wow. I never heard that."

He gave me another careless shrug. "She did it while my dad was out of town. He wasn't happy that she'd basically kicked me out without his say so. The family kept everything quiet. My dad found me out at the truck stop and arranged for me to live at his brother's place and helped me to get a job at the mill but that's about as far as he felt he could go. He didn't disagree with Mom … he just didn't like getting left out of the decision making process and having it play out like it did. One of the reasons I never moved back home is because they started to have marital problems right after that and having me around too much made it worse. Visits and stuff like that got to be where it was OK but anything more than that and my folks would start bringing crap up from their pasts and then it went right back to Mom making me move out."

Hesitantly I said, "I'm … I'm sorry. Dad kinda said you'd had it rough but he didn't really give details."

"Yeah well … nothing I can do about it now and mostly I've learned to deal with it. But if you are talking about being alone, I … I kinda see what you are getting at."

"Maybe," I told him. "You were alone for a week and then I can see how having Kelly would be a huge responsibility and junk but at least you had her. After my family was killed and all the family went back to their lives I was in this house all by myself. It was my choice, what I wanted, and it was OK so long as I had something to take my mind off of things like work, school, and church; but then when things really fell apart the world kind of … shrunk. And even then I was OK until Mr. Houchins basically told me to stop coming around."

"What?!"

I explained what had happened. He surprised me by saying, "I can see where he'd be afraid of the distractions you caused. You coming around told his people that there was something more out in the world besides his particular rules. But I am surprised you didn't have trouble with the guys more … maybe even the older men."

I made a face but tried to think about what he said. "They were all matched up … married or as good as. Lots of younger kids but only a couple my age and all but one of them were girls. But enough of that, it gives me the heebies. What I mean is that being alone was OK for a long time … then all of a sudden it wasn't." Shrugging I tried to make it as simple for him as possible. "Things I have. Things I don't have I can either live without or build. People though … people I don't have and can't make. I got tired of talking to myself or the rabbits and chickens. I was worried one day they would start talking back, you know?" He chuffed a laugh and then I closed by saying, "I never thought of myself as a super social person, never thought I needed people but that's because someone was always around. But then there wasn't and I find … I want at least a person or two. It keeps me feeling human … keeps me from feeling crazy. I … uh … Jax … I really want you … you and Kelly … to stay. Please."

I hated to feel like I was begging but I was willing to if it helped my case. He just kept looking at me and I was beginning to get the idea that I was losing then he surprised me. "You're serious … this isn't just some kind of gamer thing."

"Huh?"

"I mean that it isn't some fantasy you are trying to create. You've thought it through. It isn't that you want somebody to help with the work – tote that barge, lift that bale sort of stuff – but that you really mean you want someone to … to talk to, share all this. Am I right?"

Still tense and worried I told him, "Yeah. I know I'm probably not saying it right. It … it's just …"

Tentatively he asked, "What … what about that other stuff we talked about?"

I was tempted to get up and pace the kitchen but I forced myself to stay calm. "Honestly? Jax I … I wasn't even thinking about that even when I thought about Matt coming out here. That … uh … never factored into … the equation with him if … uh … if you know what I mean."

He nodded. "Kinda got that feeling but I'm still glad you told me. Matt let his alter ego Maestro bleed off so many of what most people would call normal urges in those games he played that there wasn't any left for real life."

I blinked at how perceptive he was being and then blushed thinking of some of the stupid ways I had behaved online and how I was glad I'd never acted that way in the real world. "Jax … I … uh … I need some time … I mean … I know you but … but I don't really know, know you. And this is real life not gamer land. I … uh …"

He smiled and said, "Relax Lydie. I told you, I don't want to make a mistake either. I have Kelly to think about. I just … I just thought you should know that I'll … uh … probably be thinking along those lines when I think about staying here and if you get to the point where that isn't a possibility you need to be upfront and let me know so there aren't any misunderstandings."

I blew out a breath in relief. I mean I was still uptight and embarrassed but I didn't feel like a cornered beastie anymore. "OK. And … and for the record … I think … I mean … look I can't promise but … at some … you know … point … I … uh … probably wouldn't mind if you … I mean … we could talk about …"

He laughed, "Wanna borrow my mouth guard?"

"Huh? Oh … oh yeah. This is just … it's just not as easy as they make it look in the movies. I mean boy meets girl, girl meets boy, they fall in love and … I mean … oh brother." I must have turned ten shades of red after realizing I had started to talk about love. "I didn't mean that … about falling in love. I don't expect … I mean …"

Instead of laughing at the fool I was making out of myself Jax looked at me thoughtfully and said, "That's not as hard for me to imagine as you might think."

Suddenly the room got really, really warm and I jumped up and took our glasses to the sink and rinsed them out. "Uh … uh would you like to see the rest of the house?"

"Actually if you don't mind I'd like to get the stuff out of the van and then hit the hay. It's … a … been a long day."

"Sure!" I said a little over eager. "I wanna check on the animals one last time and then I'll help you carry everything in."

We stayed away from deep topics after that and we both finally relaxed. He was right, it had been a long day. When we came in with the last box I showed him how things got locked down and told him I'd give him one of the spare keys in the morning. After we got upstairs I showed him where the emergency ladder was in case he had to exit by the window and then showed him where the bathroom was upstairs. I told him, "You can go ahead and use the hot water in the morning. I usually shower off in the afternoon before I start cooking dinner. I use … oh …"

"Oh what?" he asked.

"Uh, I use the outside shower. I mean it has walls up but …"

He groaned but laughed at the same time. "You are not helping Lydie."

Feeling a little wicked I gave him an innocent face and said, "Well, at least here you don't have to worry about sound carrying." I scurried off to my room and when I turned and peeked at him before going in and closing the door I saw he was shaking his head but still smiling.

I quietly picked a chair up and put it under the bedroom doorknob, not that I really felt any kind of threat from Jax. But good sense is good sense. I also realized that maybe, just maybe, things were going to turn out all right after all.


	11. New Geek Empire Part 8

_**The New Geek Empire Part 8**_

"Lydie? Got a sec?" Jax asked rather tentatively.

I wiped the sweat off my face with a bandana and said, "Sure. Just let me push this wheelbarrow to the compost pile."

"I'll do that."

"Naw, it's full of rabbit poop and you've got Kelly."

He sighed. "Let me do something Lydie. It's almost been a week and I'm going crazy."

I started to panic. I'd sensed he'd been dissatisfied with things. I'd asked what his favorite foods were. I'd showed him how to hook up the TV and game consoles. I'd shown him the computer … no internet access but there were sim games and stuff like that he could play and Dad had a gazillion files saved to disc. He still just didn't seem happy. "I'll show you Dad's movie collection. There are all sorts in there … no chick fliks though, for that you'll have to get into my mother's movies." I was trying to make a funny but he wasn't laughing.

He snorted instead. "Lydie, stop. I don't mean I'm bored, at least not the way you're taking it. I just mean I don't like sitting around on vacation while I watch you do all of this work. It makes me feel crummy … like a lazy bum or something."

I stopped and set the wheelbarrow down. "Oh … But you have Kelly to take care of."

He nodded. "I know but I can do other stuff too. I've been thinking about it."

Sighing I said, "This isn't working for you is it? You're thinking about leaving."

He bumped me just enough to move me from the wheelbarrow and then put on a pair of work gloves that had materialized out of his back pocket. Grabbing the wheelbarrow handles he said, "See? I can have Kelly in the backpack and do other stuff at the same time. We're used to working this way aren't we Bumble Bee?"

Kelly giggled and kicked her heels into Jax's sides and said, "Getty-yup horsie!"

It was hard not to smile so I didn't bother trying. Kelly was a cute kid and said funny things all the time. It was like living down the hall from a miniature clown. Jax pushed the wheelbarrow but when we got to the compost pile he did let me fork the mess out since I already had the manure shovel in my hands. While I scooped the poop Jax said, "I'm not talking about leaving so stop freaking out about that. I just want to be part of things. I don't like feeling useless."

"I'm not freaking out," I denied but when I looked at him and put myself in his place it actually clicked. "I … uh … I just wanted you to know I wasn't just after extra muscle."

He smiled slightly and told me, "Yeah, I figured that out. But I'm a guy Lydie … not a kid. I need to be part of what is going on … allowed to swim in the deep end without floaties on. I don't want to just wade around in the shallow end of things."

I gave him an apologetic glance. "I guess I'm not used to that. Dad was like that sure … but he was just Dad. Everyone said he was different. I guess I just figured … I don't know …" Unable to come up with a good excuse or explanation I shrugged.

"What about Will?" he asked as he took the wheelbarrow once again, this time to roll it back to the tool shed.

"Will had the desire but he was sick so much. Even when the doctors suspected he was going into remission he was still recovering his strength and health and had to be careful not to overdo it. That's why my parents decided to homeschool him that last year. His immune system was shot after the bone marrow transplant. Dad wanted to homeschool me too but I was already dual enrolled at the College so it wouldn't have helped anything really."

"You were the marrow donor weren't you?"

"Yeah. It wasn't that big of a deal for me but it could have killed Will and nearly did in the beginning. As bad as the donor thing was – and it wasn't really all that bad – it was a lot worse for my parents. It killed them to leave Will in the hospital as much as he was there for a while. That's why I did so much around the house; so my mom could stay with Will as much as possible."

He nodded. Our story was commonly known and I supposed he knew a lot of it from work for Dad out at the mill. I closed and locked the shed and he asked, "Can you sit down for a while?"

Instead I asked him, "Want to help me get the tomatoes put on the drying screens? We can talk and work at the same time right?"

He nodded, understanding I was trying to include him but really needed to get work done too. We went over to the screened in patio area that Dad had built for Mom to use as her outdoor kitchen. The "counter" space was made from old granite pieces that he'd scavenged from houses that were being remodeled.

Jax asked, "Did your Dad build this?"

I nodded. "Dad and I did together … about … yeah … about seven years ago. It was the year I turned ten. Remember when the mill owners bought that crummy apartment complex and then converted it to condos? Dad got permission to dumpster dive and brought back a lot of stuff. They let him do it for free because he gave them the idea of recycling and selling a lot of the copper wiring and piping that was being torn out and upgraded. Dad said as much as they replaced, they probably recouped the cost of one of the rehabs at least."

"Cool," he said, wandering around inside looking at things while I got the tomatoes prepped.

"I know the counters are all mix-n-match but Mom liked it. Dad had wanted to make them stainless steel but he lost the bids he kept putting in at auctions then when the granite didn't really cost anything except paying someone to help him uninstall them, load, and then reinstall them here it was like a no brainer. The roof is new though … only about two years old anyway. Dad and I did it, the sheds, and the barns the same summer we did the roof on the house. One of Dad's whacky auction bids finally came in and it was for the contents of an old manufacturing building. Turns out it was used as a storage location for this roofing contractor that went belly up. That's why all the roofs are that strange green instead of regular roof colored."

He smiled and said, "Hey, it doesn't look bad. What's 'regular roof color' anyway? So it isn't shingles but who cares? A lot of those expensive places along River Road were starting to replace their old shingles with the metal panels." He looked at all the tomatoes and said, "So tell me what to do."

I shook my head. "I'm not gonna tell you, I'll show you. What we're doing here is making dried tomatoes. First we need to cut all these tomatoes in half, cut out the stem part and any bad spots, then we're going to put them on these trays and put them into the dryer."

"That metal drum thing?" he asked pointing to the fifty-five gallon drum that lay on its side.

"Yeah, it's a wood-fired dehydrator. Dad made it when the solar ones either wouldn't work because of the weather or they didn't work fast enough for the amount of produce Mom was processing. He got it out of a Backwoods Home magazine ( .  ) and it is a lot more reliable than a solar dehydrator and is meant for large quantities. Not even my mother's electric Excalibur can keep up with this baby once it gets going."

I handed him a sharp ceramic cutting knife. "Don't drop it; you can't sharpen those once they are chipped or cracked."

He looked at it then started slicing tomatoes. "Then why use it? Why not use a good ol' metal knife?"

"Mom always said that ceramic knives didn't make the food brown around the cuts and it bruised them less so that they're prettier. Mom liked pretty stuff … including the food she prepared."

He laughed, "Your Dad used to get kidded a lot about it at work, especially when she would cut his food into shapes … like those curly carrots."

I smiled glad that someone besides me remembered that sort of stuff. "Hey! I happen to like curly carrots."

Kelly asked, "Tarrots? Can I has some tarrots?"

Jax groaned, that kid could graze all day long just like a goat if you let her. Instead I told her, "I'll make some curly carrots for tomorrow's dinner. For now just drink your sippy. If you are a good girl you can help feed King Kong in the morning."

Easily pleased, that made her happy and she babbled away about "babbits and chickies" just long enough to go to sleep as Jax and I cut all the tomatoes. I showed him, "I cut an X all across the top of the tomato halves – these are plum tomatoes by the way – so that they don't curl so much as they dry. Then once we get them on the trays I'll sprinkle them with a little salt and some Italian seasoning, pop them in and let them go; I've already got the dryer warmed up."

"I can feel it," he said wiping his upper lip with his shirt sleeve. Then he seemed to sigh in contentment. "See, now this is what I'm talking about. We're working together instead of me sitting on the porch like a lazy hound."

"Jax I never thought of you like that," I told him. "I just figured you would need some time to settle in and get used to things. You're a townie after all."

He grunted. "Only half townie. Every summer and most of my spring breaks I went to live on my Granny's farm. Did that right up until the family put her in that nursing home; she got MRSA and died a couple of months later. That was the winter before I started going with Darlene and you know the rest of it from there. None of this is new to me except for your dad's gadgets and gizmos."

Thinking back I realized I did remember that he was usually gone all summer long. "Yeah, I guess you're right. Seriously though, I never meant to make you feel bad."

"I know and I hope you'll understand that what I want to talk about isn't meant to make you feel bad either."

Cautiously I said, "Ooo … kay. But you don't expect me to like it."

"Maybe, maybe not; I'm not sure. Some of it might sound like criticism but I don't mean it to be. And part of it is just going to make more work which I think needs to be but which probably isn't going to sound very fair to you."

When he stopped talking and just looked at me I finally said, "Well say it already will you. The suspense is killing me."

He snorted but did finally get down to it. "I've had plenty of time to look around and have the surprise wear off. I'm sure there are things I don't know about and that's fine but I mean the major stuff. But as pretty and as shiny … and useful … as it all is, I think there are some things that can be improved on."

"What … what things exactly?" I was trying to keep an open mind but I felt defensive at the same time.

"You admitted you haven't done any scavenging."

I shook my head. "No. To be honest it just never … I guess it never really occurred to me. It seems wrong somehow. I felt guilty just taking things from the fruit trees and gardens without permission; like it was stealing."

"Well, if you were able to go that far then you need to go a little further. We need to go back to the mill. There is still a lot of stuff there that could come in handy. And I'd like to have a look at those houses and those trailers you mentioned."

Trying to play along I said, "Let's start with the mill. Just explain the why of it to me."

"First off, that battery in the shed you asked me to look at is bad … I put the meter on it … and you've got a couple of others out there that don't look like they are charging and discharging properly. Spares need to be found pretty quick. Best place to do that is going to be the mill. We can take the ones off of the company equipment and off the few vehicles that are still in the parking lots." At my nod of understanding he continued. "I also looked at the schematics in your dad's shop. I can hook up the water wheel but we need a different kind of wire than what you thought … it needs to be a heavier gauge. They've got huge spools of the right type at the mill. Now here is the big deal. I also found in your dad's notes how he was thinking about using tall oil to make biofuel with." ( .  )

Trying to keep up I said, "Tall oil is that stuff they collect out at the plant when they use pulp from pine trees."

"Exactly. They've got huge storage tanks of the stuff. I'm pretty sure I understand the process because they were thinking about making a small biofuel production plant right at the mill to cut down on regular fuel costs within the mill itself. I heard that was another suggestion your dad made by the way, they just never got around to the start up. Your dad's set up here is sweet but still lo-tech enough that I don't think I'll kill it by experimenting but I swear I'll be careful. We'll have to figure out storage and all of that …"

"We have underground tanks for the biofuel because it gels at a higher temperature than regular fuel. But here's another think to think. I use biofuel to heat with during those times a fireplace or wood stove isn't enough. That usually means most of the winter nights for the furred and feathered out in the animal barn. That reason alone is why I've kept things up and running as much as possible. But the chemicals won't last forever. I ordered more right before things fell apart but only half the order came in."

"Not a problem. Your dad got most of the chemicals at the mill and I know where those are stored so that's another thing that should be on our list. The problem is going to be transporting this stuff so that no one notices."

"That's not the biggest problem," I told him. "We can move it at night if we have to. It is getting it down the last bit of road."

"I've already thought of that and think I've figured a way around that. First we have to set up a storage container. Then if I bring the small tanker trailer we used to empty the vats with when the pipes clogged or for inspection, we can park that off the road, camouflage it, transfer it a little at a time … it won't be easy but it is doable and the payoff makes it worth all of the effort."

I thought about it for a moment and then said, "Alright. I'll even give when it comes to taking things from the mill since you know for a fact that the owners and their families are gone … I mean dead. But … do you really want to go pawing through people's houses? What do you need that we don't have right here already?"

In less than half a second he said, "Clothes for Kelly for one. I hadn't thought of that until a couple of days before you showed up in town. She's already grown out of everything I bought for her before things fell apart and she can't wear just socks once the weather turns."

A little hesitant to offer I said, "There's things up in the attic. They … uh … they used to be mine. Mom sewed all of my clothes and they never wore out before I went to the next size. Most of them are denim and cotton jumpers and things like that. I know my old winter coats and boots are still up there. Mom was a labeling fanatic … well you saw what it is like up there. And … um … oh geez."

"What?" he asked as I sputtered to a standstill.

"Look, I know it isn't cool but I can sew and quilt and all of that. Mom was on fire about me keeping up with the skills she taught me. It was just easier to give in and sew my own clothes than it was to listen to her lecture about economics and poor quality if I bought something at the store; she'd go over it and point out every little flaw and tell me how much time and money I wasted having to make repairs or alterations."

He stopped putting tomatoes on the screens and really looked at what I was wearing. "You sewed that?" he asked referring to the shirt and capris that I was wearing.

Nonchalantly I said, "Yeah. What of it?"

Before I knew what he was doing he had stepped over and pulled the collar of my shirt back and said, "There's no tag."

I jerked away from him, "No kidding. My mom had these 'made by' tags she sewed into her stuff but I never bothered."

He was still standing too close and when he started looking at my capris a little too close and then reached out a curious finger to touch the flat felled seam that ran along the outside leg seams I popped his hand and asked, "What are you doing?!"

"Huh? I was looo … oh … uh … oh boy." He stepped back and looked a little bashful but not especially embarrassed. "I really was just … looking. I remember my grandmother making my Easter clothes when I was little and the spare bedroom had boxes of unfinished projects she kept meaning to work on but … I don't know … I just thought it was …" He cleared his throat and said, "Anyway, next time I'll warn you when I mean to touch."

"When you mean to touch? Well, that's some ego you got there Ajax Remington. I mean really."

He wasn't sure how to react at first but then he grinned and stepped back and started putting tomatoes on the screens again. "Did you think I was kidding when I said I would probably think about it?"

I'd never dealt with anything like Jax, at least not in real life and that was a whole lot different than dealing with the make believe gamer world. "Well … I guess now I know for sure don't I."

He got quiet when he saw how uncomfortable I was. "Ok, on to other topics. This looks like a lot of food."

Well, I had to admit he was trying … in a weird guy kind of way. I smiled just a little and said, "I'm not totally against the idea Jax … just not used to you … anyone … being up in my personal space like that."

"You sure that's all?" he asked.

I looked at him and then had to smile a little bigger. He had a baby back pack on and his kid was in it dead to the world asleep. Her sippy cup had drenched his shoulder and he hadn't even noticed. His hair was going every which direction where Kelly had been using it like horse reins. There was a smear of "pea-but" on his shirt where she'd wiped her mouth across his chest at lunch. And this was the guy that used to be too cool for words. "Yeah, I'm sure. Just … uh … just kinda figure into the equation I … I don't know how I'm supposed to react to that stuff in the real world. Gamer land I would have shot you or thumped you with my sword or something … here … here I don't know what to do. I really don't want to thump you but, I don't know how else I'm supposed to act without looking like a sleeze queen."

He gave me a lopsided grin. "Just be yourself. And I'll try to be less … uh … hands on … until you can figure out what that means."

I looked away and made a face. "This is soooo strange."

He admitted quietly, "Yeah, for me too. I tried to date a couple of times after Darlene but after a while it just wasn't worth the challenge. And people kept watching me to see if I was going to ruin Kelly's life or if I'd wind up like those crazy dads from hell you'd see on the news; shaken baby syndrome, leave the kid in the bathtub to drown in three inches of water, starve her to death or feed her until she weighed as much as a baby elephant. It got old real fast. The guys at the mill, they were about the only ones that didn't treat me like I was brain damaged. A lot of them only got to see their kids every other weekend so understood where I was coming from. Geez, I sound pathetic."

I shook my head. "No you don't. I should have listened more when Dad talked about you to Mom. Sometimes it just felt like he was warning me about what could happen if I didn't stay focused. But maybe that isn't what he meant. Maybe he was trying to tell me that there were guys out there that were … were different from Matt."

He laughed. "Your dad would have fed me to the pulping machine if I'd even thought about asking you out. And he'd been right. I didn't have my head on straight back then and was barely keeping it together."

"You don't seem that way now," I told him quietly.

He was going to say something cocky but then just gave me a quiet, "Thank you."

Then I said, "So anyway … about the food. I know it looks like a lot but this is the beginning of September. Harvesting will be over by the end of next month and everything will have to last until next April and May when the next harvest of fresh stuff starts up again."

Happy to change the subject Jax nodded. "For a while I bussed tables out at the truck stop diner while I was still in high school; I know how fast food can go. It just seems like a lot for the three of us. My grandmother always had a big garden but she gave stuff to all the family and still had some left over."

I told him, "We gave stuff to the food pantry and traded with the Mennonites. I've just kept gardening like Mom out of habit I guess. I know technically it's too much but this way if the garden doesn't make it for some reason, or there's a hail storm, a drought, a swarm of locusts, or something like that we'll still eat because we'll have some left from previous seasons."

He looked thoughtful. "OK. And on that note one of the things I was wondering about was if you still want to bring in other people."

His question caught me off guard. I hadn't thought about it at all since we left town. "Are you?" I asked.

"Technically this is your place and I can't invite people here."

"Don't avoid the question."

"You just did," he pointed out.

I rolled my eyes refusing to admit it. Instead I told him, "I honestly haven't really thought about it. It isn't on my high-pri right now."

He seemed to relax. "Ok. Could I ask you something else?"

"Stop asking like you're some kind of supplicant. It makes me feel … I don't … creeped out."

He smiled. "Look … I'd just like to suggest that we focus on some other stuff first and let the idea of more people be put off for a while; at least until we see how the kids shake out in town. How do you feel about that?"

A little exasperated I asked him, "Why do you keep asking me how I feel about stuff? You sound like the school's psyche counselor."

It wasn't the answer he was expecting and he closed his mouth and blinked a couple of times figuring out how to respond to the way I had phrased it. Finally he sighed and said, "One of the conditions my Uncle set for me renting the garage apartment was that I had to go to family counseling with them. You know they had started attending that new age-y church that went into that old car dealership's building." At my nod he said, "I guess more of it stuck on me than I expected. Matt's mom was a bi … uh … bear about things being phrased just right."

Trying not to show that I'd noticed what he had almost called his aunt I said, "OK, that's cool. I was just wondering if you thought I was gonna have a melt-down if we don't exactly think in lockstep. And can I ask you why you and Matt have different surnames if your fathers were brothers?"

He looked at me and then a grin of relief grew on his face. "Thanks for not saying anything about how I should have been grateful for the place my aunt and uncle gave me in their home. I was … am still ... just it wasn't perfect for any of us. My dad and Matt's dad are half-brothers. My dad was older and when his dad when he was a baby. He had three older half-sisters from his father's first marriage that Granny raised like her own. Then a year after he died Granny remarried and had Matt's dad. Granny was that man's third wife and he had kids that Granny raised also. When Matt's dad died in the war she married a widower that had four kids of his own from another marriage and then they had two daughters together. You think you had to be careful of who you were related to? You should have seen my family reunions. You had to work it backwards to find out if you were blood related or related by marriage … people really did go to our family reunions to find dates sometimes."

I whooped a surprised laugh then slammed my hand over my mouth to keep from waking Kelly. "Oh man, Dad could tell the same kinds of stories. He always joked that he kept expecting the local schools to be full of three headed and seven toed kids just from all the intermarrying that had to be going on. You are just too funny. It's nice that someone actually gets that concept without thinking I'm from some redneck hell on earth."

Matt laughed too and then grinned and it held something I couldn't really define. Then he had to go and spoil it by embarrassing me. "Matt's an idiot. I would have come over here even if I had to crawl the whole way with Kelly on my back."

I blinked, then blushed. "Oh."

"Yes. Oh." Making another quick subject change he said, "Now you don't seem to have a problem with the mill. And you seem like you can be persuaded about checking out the empty houses and trailers around here. I've got a few other things in my head but now that I've told you some of my ideas, do you have any of your own?"

It didn't take me but a moment to say, "The goats."

"Yeah, you mentioned them the first day we got here. What do we need for them?"

"Fencing and feed. Those goats are used to surviving on forage but they'll need more than that when the weather turns."

He pulled out a folded piece of paper and a broken pencil. "Anything else?"

"For the goats? Not off the top of my head. But … but I have a list of other stuff." I explained about reading those books and how I'd thought of things here and there.

When I was finished he said, "What stuff is on your list?"

I grinned in spite of myself and told him, "Well I scratched off cannons and Holy water." When he grumbled and gave me a look that told me his question had been a serious one I said, "Well … a … a few … personal items."

"Per … oh … uh … you mean feminine stuff. I heard the girls talking about that back at the school."

I shrugged and said, "I hope they were smart enough to talk about birth control pills and condoms at the same time."

He almost choked on his own spit at the way I'd just thrown it into the middle of the conversation. After clearing his throat he said, "Not in so many words." But then even more serious than he had been before he told me, "They don't need the kind of trouble they were making for themselves so I started talking about dirty diapers, spit up, and formula for a little bit. The guys gave me dirty looks because apparently it was spoiling their fun but they still weren't taking me very seriously. One night I simply threw a laundry basket condoms in the middle of what they called the play room and told them all to wear 'em or wind up like me. That babies couldn't be turned on and off like their game consoles, they didn't come with extra batteries or volume controls, and if they killed their kid there wasn't enough points in the world that would bring them back to life."

Trying to envision it I said, "Oh … my … gosh! What did they say?!"

"I think a couple of them got the message but most of them just laughed at me and started calling me Father Goose. Matt however got all pinched up asked me not to be so … how did he say it? Oh yeah … not to be so crass about it. That he would speak to each of his 'men' privately and impress upon them the importance of things like personal hygiene and protection."

I shook my head kind of disgusted. "You know, sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in Matt."

He told me, "You were just doing what everyone expected. Heck, even I expected the two of you to date until high school was over then as soon as the two of you went away to college the spell would have been broken." I didn't want to agree with him but I was starting to think maybe he was right.

We got quiet after finishing the tomatoes and getting them loaded into the dryer. Jax took Kelly to do the daddy thing with the potty and all that and by the time he came back out I was finished with the remainder of my outside chores that were on my list for that day. The problem was one of those chores had been to get another bale of hay out of the stack that was covered with a tarp. Getting it out had been easy. Putting it on the dolly to wheel it back to the barn had been fine. But I'd tripped over something in the animal barn, I never did figure out what, and when I went down it was hard and I scrapped my back on some empty cages that I'd had stacked off to the side.

I didn't cry but it hurt. Had I been by myself I might have cried just to vent some steam but no way was I going to let Jax think I was a wimp. The thing is that scrape tore my shirt on the back of my left shoulder and also tore off some skin. I was trying to get a look at it but since my neck didn't bend like a giraffe I wasn't having much luck. That's when Jax came in.

"Hey! What happened?!" Kelly said the obvious. "Widdie gots a boo-boo Daddy."

Smiling for her sake I said, "I tripped I think. One of the rabbits must have pulled a fast one or …"

Jax interrupted by pushing my hand out of the way. "Don't touch it. Geez … you look like you slid into first on your shoulder."

I tried to laugh it off and say, "Better than sliding in face first."

Jax was not amused and said, "I promise to not go all pervert but you're going to need to lose the shirt so I can clean this. You broke your bra strap too."

I stared at him. He just stared back and then said, "You're going to need to trust me at some point Lydie and this might as well be it."

Not ready to just strip right there I told him, "If you weren't here I'd have to take care of it myself. I've had worse. Back in July I fell off the porch roof getting rid of a wasp nest. I don't know which was worse, falling into Mom's rose bushes or getting stung by the yellow jackets that survived the spray."

"Am I supposed to think that's funny?" he asked calmly. "Because it isn't. You could have broken a bone … or your neck."

"Ok, ok. Let's just … go to the house. I don't need eleventy dozen little eyes staring at me while we get this done."

"Fine. And I'll put Kelly in her highchair. She can play with those stacking cups you found for her."

After we got inside and he put Kelly to play he told me to sit in a chair backwards and to just tell him where the first aid supplies were. "The big tub of stuff is in the laundry room above the cabinets that hold the cleaners."

He got it down and whistled when he opened the top. "Man … you could do surgery with some of this stuff."

"That's the point," I told him. "Farms come with farm injuries and it is too far to the hospital for some emergencies. I really need to show you where all of the stuff is just in case. There's a matching tub like this one in Dad's office out in the main barn and a smaller one in that closet back in that corner where I keep the stuff for the animals in the animal barn. The heavy duty stuff though that doesn't need refrigeration is in my mother's closet. And down in the cool cellar in that little locked cabinet in there is some real drugs."

"Real drugs?"

"Yeah … antibiotics, heavy duty pain killers, sedatives, that sort of thing. Hey, how do you know what to use?" I asked noticing how efficient he was.

"I started taking classes to be an EMT after I realized it would take me forever to get a degree in nursing. I was still going to go nursing school after I saved up the money but figured I might as well have some useful training just in case I got laid off from the mill. They'd made noises about it a few times and I was definitely pretty low on the totem pole. If nothing else, I figured I was preparing in case Kelly got hurt or something like that. It is one of the few things I did that didn't seem to chap the butt of the social worker that the county assigned to Kelly."

I was slowly unbuttoning my shirt and I told him, "Yeah, I remember that. Dad was pretty bent that someone had made an anonymous complaint against you."

"So much for anonymous; I found out it was Darlene's parents. They just couldn't seem to stand that the judge gave me full and sole custody of Kelly after Darlene said she wanted to end her parental rights; they'd had someone all picked out to be Kelly's adoptive parents that lived several states away and I think it embarrassed them that it fell through. That's another reason why I stayed in the garage apartment rather than moving out on my own all the way; I didn't want any trouble with child services."

I looked at him then sighed. "Look … just …"

He pulled up another chair and sat beside me and tried to calm me down. "Lydie, I'm not a jerk. I'm not going to make a move on you when you are hurt or go crazy just because I see a little skin. And the sooner we get this done the sooner you can stop worrying about it."

I figured I was being stupid but it was still embarrassing. He had to help me get the shirt off because the blood had already dried in a couple of places and the material was sticking. Then I held the shirt to my front because the bra strap on that side really was toast and the whole thing tried to go lopsided. He cleaned the area that was scraped pretty fast and then put cream on it and a gauze pad to keep the scrape from oozing all over the place.

"I'll clean it before we go to bed. And … uh … I'm really not a jerk but maybe you should go put a different shirt on. Your skin is really … uh … nice and smooth." That just about did me in and I took off up the stairs almost at a run so that he wouldn't realize I was trying not to act like I might want him to be a jerk.

What to wear was a challenge and took longer to figure out than I had meant it to. I couldn't manage a regular bra because of where the straps rubbed so I picked a strapless one that I had bought to go under a party dress. A shirt wasn't that easy to find either, so I settled on a tube top and just threw a camisole shirt over the top to keep me from looking like I wanted the wrong kind of attention. I came downstairs slowly but was surprised to find Jax in front of the stove.

"Hey! That's my job," I told him. "You think I'm made of glass or something? It's just a scrape."

He looked over his shoulder and grinned. "Don't get so defensive. It's just noodles for the spaghetti you said you were fixing for dinner. I didn't touch your precious meat sauce in the slow cooker or your bread in that shiny box thing."

Snorting in an unladylike way I told him, "That shiny box thingy is a solar cooker. Dad built it …"

"Using some plans he got off the internet," he said laughing. "How many times have I heard that?" ( solar_ovens/current_solar_  )

"Laugh all you want buddy boy … but you'll be glad that it is that much less wood to cut for this winter. I mean you did say you wanted to share in the chores did you?"

"Awww maaaaan," he groaned with a laugh which then had me laughing.

My shoulder was still sore but I was no longer embarrassed and the rest of dinner went really well. The spaghetti and soft breadsticks were delicious if I do say so myself. For dinner we had homemade apple yogurt parfaits. Kelly nearly wore hers so Jax fed her rather than let her feed herself. Pretty soon she was finished and while they had their nightly "tickle fight" and general mess fest with the toys we'd cobbled together for her I did the dishes and put away the leftovers that would be used for the next day's lunch.

The two of them came galloping into the kitchen as I was scouring off the stove top. "Somebody wants to give you a hug goodnight and won't go to bed until her demands are met," Jax said playing it to the hilt.

I put my hands on my hips and said, "Is that so? Well does the noisy bumble bee promise to go to sleep if she gets a hug?"

Kelly giggled and something tugged in my heart. I started to realize I really like the little kid even if she was loud and messy. I gave her a clumsy hug … I was way out of practice … and then he was zooming her up the stairs like she was a plane for her nightly story then bed. It wasn't ten minutes later when he was coming back down.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

"Uh uh. She barely made it into her PJs before she was nodding off. I got two pages into the story and she was out like a light. Got anything left I can help with?"

I shrugged and then regretted it. "Ouch. You can take the table cloth outside and shake it off for me if you don't mind."

"Sure," he said. He even managed to get it off without dumping all the crumbs onto the floor; but I still had to sweep. If Kelly had been shooting to get pieces of noodle, sauce, and crumbs all over the place she had great aim.

Jax came back in and put the plastic gingham checked cover back on the kitchen table. "I wiped it off outside with that spray you used to clean up her highchair. I'll bring it in too. How's your shoulder?"

"Sore but I'll live. It's a little early but I think I'm done for the night. I'm just gonna sit in the living room and work on my notes unless you need me to get a load to soak overnight."

"No. Putting that bag over Kelly's clothes while she ate was a good idea. You mind if I sit in there with you for a while? I don't feel like going to bed yet."

I rolled my eyes at him. "I wish you would stop acting like I'm your keeper or something. Why should I care if you want to stay up or where you want to stay up at?"

"I just don't want you to think I'm stalking you. Besides, I'll need to check that scrape before you go to bed."

"I suppose," I said. Then added, "And I don't think you are stalking me. You live here too."

He gave me a relieved nod and we went into living room and I climbed onto the end of the sofa, criss crossed my legs and started trying to rework my schedules. Looking over my shoulder he asked, "What are you doing?"

I explained, "You want to go to the mill and go to those empty houses. I have to make room in my chore times to get it done. I finished harvesting all the berries and cherries last month but I've still got apples and pears coming in out the wazoo, the peaches need to finish being cleaned off by the end of this week, the watermelons will be ripe pretty soon, corn needs to be picked …"

"Whoa … you're going too fast for me to keep up. Go slower and tell me what needs to be done."

I realized that if we were going to share the workload he needed to understand what was involved so I tried to explain without sounding snotty about it. "OK. I've already told you about the apples, pears, peaches, corn, and watermelons. I've got enough dried apples and pears and I've already canned a bunch of stuff out of them so what I'm going to make with most of what is left is apple juice and cider and pear nectar. If you want we can even make some hard cider; Dad did nearly every year ( .  ) and he and Mom would enjoy a glass ever so often. He didn't mind if I had a sip at the holidays but it is really strong stuff. I'm not sure how you feel about it."

"Granny used to talk about my grandfather making it … the man my older cousins called Pap. He died before I was born though so I don't remember him. Is it difficult?"

I shook my head, "No worse than anything else I guess. I wouldn't mind trying pear hard cider. Dad used to say his grandparents did it and I like the taste of good pear nectar almost better than apple juice ( 2009/09/making-pear-cider/ ). I could make peach nectar too but to be honest the trees gave so early and well this year I'm just about peached out. I think I'm just going to dry what's left … at least what you don't eat first."

He grinned, "You sure you don't mind? I love fresh peaches."

I grinned back at him, "Go ahead, less I have to worry about. Besides, the fuzz gives me the shivers. I like nectarines better but they finished out early last month."

"Good deal," he said. "So what else?"

"Beans."

"Beans?"

"Yeah, I had a gap in the pole beans when a few rows didn't make for some reason and I had to replant them but I need to start picking the next crop tomorrow. I'll cook us up a couple of big pots then I'll dry the rest into leather britches. I've got a bunch of dried pods to pick on the bush beans by the end of this month which are both next year's seeds and the dried beans I'll cook over the winter."

"You don't … you know … can the beans like at the grocery store?"

"Some I will. Some I'll go ahead and fix into soups. I'll even can some chili if we can get a deer or two. I took one over the summer that kept getting into the corn but I don't usually like to hunt before cool weather sets in because processing the meat is too much in warm weather."

"The meat spoils right?"

"Yeah, if you aren't fast enough. Do you hunt?"

He shook his head, "A few times when I was a kid with my grandmother's brother when he was still alive. I helped my grandmother cull her chicken and geese flocks; she always had a couple of turkeys too. Her neighbor would trade pork for chicken and a Thanksgiving turkey at the holidays but I didn't get to see it because I was always in school."

"Almost don't need to keep hogs these days. There are wild ones that run loose and make a mess and Dad and I used hunt them and take a couple after the first freeze. When the people abandoned the land around here the wild pigs moved in. The boars are dangerous so watch out if you see any."

"Yeah, guy at work got treed by some that had come onto his property."

"Exactly; being gored is no joke. Anyway back to the garden stuff. I cut the broccoli and greens as I want them though next month I'll probably start drying whatever is left."

"Broccoli? Kelly calls it trees. Broccoli and cheese is like her favorite all time food next to peanut butter."

I smiled, "Trees? That's funny. Will used to call them that …" I stopped and looked away. Sometimes the hurt still caught me when I wasn't prepared.

Quietly Jax asked, "You OK?"

I answered a watery, "Yeah. They lie when they tell you it gets better after a while. It just gets different."

"I'm … I'm finding that out."

I looked at him in understanding but we both knew we couldn't do anything but keep going because those that left us behind weren't coming back. "I also need to clean the root cellar out and make it ready for stuff to be put in there. I'll save the best storage apples and pears to make them last as long as I can. Carrots and potatoes will be put in crates and set in their places down there. Cabbage, that I don't intend to turn into kraut or canned slaw, have a shelf down there too. Cucumbers will go in the pickling barrel. Grapes that we don't eat fresh I will dry into raisins; I've got enough grape jelly to sink the titanic and enough grape juice that I'm afraid it will turn into wine or vinegar before we can drink it all. I'll dry or pickle the peppers you see all over the yard … don't let Kelly put any of those little orange ones in her mouth you will have a flaming baby dragon on your hands. I should probably put chicken wire or something around them. I'm really sorry she got that jalapeno the other day."

He shook his head. "That was my fault. She saw me pick one and eat it. I should have watched her closer. She spit it right out. I doubt she'll do it again but just to be on the safe side I will put up that fencing if you don't mind."

"We'll do it together. I'll also stick labels near the plants so you'll know what they are until you can identify them by sight. Mom said she used to fence everything because Will and I would graze like goats when she wasn't looking. That's why nearly all the landscaping around the house, barns, and pond is edible instead of mixed. She used to have to put Will in a harness and have him on a leash line because he was prone to wander away really fast and then Mom would panic and we'd be looking for a long time before we'd find him hiding in a bush or something."

Jax shuddered. "I'd have a heart attack."

"Yeah well Dad paddled Will a few times and after a while he got the point even if he didn't agree with it and the running off stopped." Jax was still looking cross eyed at the idea of Kelly wandering off so I just kept talking. "We'll probably eat the last of the summer squash – I like it fried like I fixed yesterday for lunch – and the pumpkins and winter squash will get canned, dried, or put on their shelves in the root cellar. We finished off most of the tomatoes today except the ones that I want to turn into more juice and spaghetti sauce. The sauce is an all-day activity so I'll try and do the juice while the sauce is cooking and kill two birds with one stone. I use Mom's really giant pots so I'll have to do it on the outdoor gas burners and you'll need to keep Kelly with you most of that day. I'm just gonna tell you, the one thing I'm not good at is having kids around big cooking fires outside. You remember Julia Quinn?"

He nodded right away. "I worked with her older brother."

I told him with my own shudder, "I was there that day. Our family and the Quinns used to get together and boil sorghum. She was old enough to know better than to play in the fire but no sooner had her brother told her to stop twice and then threatened to go tell their parents than she did something that shifted the cradle under the sorghum trough. We started screaming and got her pulled out … her brother got his hand all scared up too … but … you know how it went."

"I had no idea Lydie. I knew that Ray and your Dad used to talk about their families but I didn't know what the connection was. Your dad always said he was related to most of the county so I just assumed that was it."

"Yeah, we were some kind of cousins but mostly it was they used to own that fallow land on the other side of Herman's Creek and that's where we made the sorghum. They moved away and I heard that Julia got out of the wheelchair after a couple of years of therapy but that she wasn't ever really the same. She was in the burn center for a long time and Mom said the pain turned her mind a bit."

"Don't know, Ray didn't talk about it much. I just knew the story. But you don't have any trouble around fire yourself after seeing that?"

I shook my head. "No. It's just watching kids around fire. I couldn't even stand for Will to be around it much. I used to get so mad at the boys in his Boy Scout troop. Some of them acted as dumb as stumps," I told him disgruntled even at the memories.

To distract me he said, "I'm afraid to ask if this chore list is any longer."

I snorted. "What do you think?" I showed him the paper. "I've got herbs to hang to dry, sweet potatoes to dig and put in the root cellar, sun chokes to mulch so they'll over winter, and count the jars and lids I have left. There's all the beets to deal with and I need to can the sweet corn … and cut some off the cob to dry … and the dent corn out in the field that needs to be stacked to finish drying and then next month I have to bring it in, cut it from the stalks and tie it together for curing."

"You don't combine the corn?"

"Uh uh. I mean I suppose I could because Dad converted the tractors to run on the biofuel but I didn't plant enough this year to make it worth it. I still have a bunch of corn in the corn crib that will need to be cracked for the animals as we go. Next year I'll have to …" He gave me a look and I corrected it to, "… we'll have to plant more corn. The corn combine is that big toothed thing at the end of the vehicle row in the tractor barn. The wheat combine is the one with the thing that looks like a rolling beater on the front."

He nodded. "I know. Like I said, I worked on my Granny's farm. Did you plant wheat this year?"

"Yeah, about five acres that I harvested in June; enough there was no way I was gonna try and bring it in by hand that's for sure. I only got 40 bushels an acre though because I set the spreader too thin. Mr. Houchins' was a lot prettier from what I could see but he has a monster irrigation system, we don't. I did put in soybeans behind the wheat but I might wind up just deciding to let them go; the deer have already grazed the heck out of them anyway. I know the perfect spot to set up the stand if you are serious about hunting with me … we'll need ear plugs for Kelly though and hope the deer are so numerous she won't scare them all off before we can get a few."

Scribbling away on his piece of paper he said, "I'll figure something out."

We talked back and forth but then it came down to going to bed and he said, "Let me have a quick look at your shoulder."

"It's not …"

"Lydie … did I jump you when I looked before?"

Giving him a look that told him not to be stupid I said, "That's not what I'm saying. I just mean that you don't have to."

"I know I don't. Now take your shirt off, I want to check you out. Uh … I mean … Dang it Lydie, you know what I mean."

I wound up laughing at the irritated look on his face and giving in with a clear conscience. It was still hard to see the super cool guy I remembered in the one sitting behind me being so careful as he pulled the tap back to "check me out."

"It looks ok," he said. "It isn't oozing anymore which is a good sign. I'll change the bandage again in the morning."

We went up the stairs together after checking all the locks. I turned to go to my room when he stopped me. "Lydie?"

Turning back I said, "Huh?"

"Thanks."

Confused I asked, "For what?"

"Understanding about me needing to be part of whatever it is we're doing. And … uh … trusting me … in the beginning and … uh … tonight. I … uh … appreciate it."

I smiled inordinately pleased for some reason. I felt compelled to tell him, "And thanks … for not … you know … constantly ragging on me. I'm really glad … I mean … that you and Kelly … not … uh … not Matt and Marty … I mean …"

I was starting to feel stupid and tripping over my words. He closed the few steps there was between us and I had to look up into his face. He said quietly, "Me too." Then he kissed me lightly on the lips and turned me back around and pushed me gently towards my room while he walked towards his and Kelly's. I was still trying to figure out how to make my feet actually move when I heard his door close quietly behind me.


	12. New Geek Empire Part 9

_**The New Geek Empire Part 9**_

It is amazing what a willing partner can help you accomplish. In two days, with Jax's help, I cleared off what would have been for me alone about five days' worth of work. I didn't just halve the time required to complete the projects, but more. The reason for this is that Jax is taller and able to lift heavier items without having to go get a step stool or some other tool to lift something down or to lever something into place. He could also carry two pails of feed or five-gallon buckets of fruit to my one.

In a voice a little on the other side of exasperated Jax said, "Lydie, just leave it to me instead of following me all over the place. Alright? Have I had any problems getting the work done or do you think you need to watch me all the time?"

Surprised at his tone I snapped back at him, "Well excuse me. I thought we were having fun working together but if you want to be a snot about it."

I turned to leave but Jax grabbed my elbow real quick and said, "Hey. I'm … uh … sorry. I … you know … thought you didn't think I could do it right."

"Did I say that?" I continued snapping. "Have I said anything like that at all in the last two days?"

"No, but …"

I kept growling, "But nothing. You were the one that was all 'let's work together' and stuff. So that's what I was doing. If you don't want me around just spit it out already and stop dancing."

I jerked my elbow away from him and turned to leave again but this time he blocked the path with his whole body. "Lydie, seriously … I'm sorry. OK? I didn't mean I don't want to be with you. I just … you know … want to prove that I can help around here."

Not ready to be mollified I told him, "Are you crazy?! What have you been doing all day if not proving you can do the work? I'm sure as heck not the one that moved two dozen more bales from out in the field so we could build the walls on the composting greenhouse. ( Composting_greenhouse_provides_hot_water_(original) )."

He shrugged, "I used a tractor, it was no big deal."

I snorted. "Yeah, and those bales just jumped into and then out of the wagon all by themselves."

He gave a small grin. "So … you noticed I'm good for something."

His grin made me grin even though I didn't want it to. "I suppose. And you aren't exactly hard on the eyes either."

That made him really grin like a pure chauvinist. I figure he was due it all things considered. And it was the truth. He most certainly looked good in that sweaty t-shirt … didn't smell so great, but definitely easy to look at.

Then he got bashful and that made him even cuter if possible. "Thanks. But seriously Lydie, I've got this stuff. Kelly is napping in the playpen in the shade so it's not like I'm having to do it with her on my back. Why don't you go do something that doesn't have so much heavy lifting required; something I'd just be slow at."

Deciding to poke at him a little more I said, "Oh ho, so now it comes out. You just don't want to pick beans again today."

He shook his head and grinned. "Yeah, that's it. It's the bean thing."

"Hah! Should have known. Well fine, I'll go pick beans … but you have to help snap them after dinner if you can stay conscious after working in all of this heat."

We were both sweating and he wasn't the only one a little on the odiferous side. "Man, it is hot I'll give you that. Not much breeze either."

I looked at the sky. "I guess I really will go get the beans out of the garden and anything else I can pick. This heat is brutal. And …"

"And?" he prompted when I forgot to finish the sentence.

"And … it just feels funky. Could be a storm on the way." Turning to him I said, "I don't mean to sound like a nag but can you make double sure that those bales are tied down really well with the rebar? You know how a hot September can turn on us with little notice."

He blew a breath out through his lips. "Yeah, unfortunately. You think we can still get enough finished so we can hit the mill tomorrow night?"

"I don't see why not. If you really are willing to get the first phase of the compost greenhouse up and get that hundred feet of hose laid in it I'll go ahead and get the picking done and start some sun tea as well."

He nodded and said, "Sounds like a good plan. If Kelly wakes up cranky call and I'll come get her."

"Like I can't handle a cranky little girl?"

He shrugged. "I just don't want you to feel like I'm here to have someone to take care of my kid for me."

Archly I asked, "Kinda like I didn't want you to think I only asked you to come for your muscle?"

He grinned and said, "Touché … I reckon that's what I'm supposed to say anyway. Seriously though, some of the other girls I tried to go out with after I brought Kelly home thought that's what I was after. It's … uh … even more important for me that you in particular don't think that."

He had that uncertain puppy dog face on and it finally sunk in Mr. Cool got kicked around enough that he'd lost a lot of his self-confidence. I decided those other girls had a couple of bolts and screws loose. "After I've seen what a good daddy you are? Forget it Jax. The last thing I would ever think is that you're trying to dump your kid on someone else. Besides …" I made a quick decision and looked at him from beneath my eye lashes. "Besides, I know the two of you are a package deal." I stepped forward and stood on my toes and gave him a quick kiss on his salty, sweaty cheek and then just about ran over to the play pen check on Kelly real quick before I grabbed a bucket and then hustled over to the rows of beans.

I got to the end of the first row before looking back. Jax was still looking at me and when he saw I was looking at him grinned real big, touched his cheek and then the pocket on his chest over his heart before turning and going back towards where we had both been working just a few minutes before.

Part of me felt like we were moving awful fast but at least a small part of me wanted to hurry up and go faster so I could find out if the story was good or not. I decided that it wasn't necessarily my call to make the next move and after that I was pretty involved in finding all the beans that were ready for harvest. I had gotten two rows picked over when I heard, "Widdie! Need to go pottttyyyyyyy!"

She was dancing pretty good so I dropped the bucket and ran and got her to the bathroom in the barn just in time. The poor little thing actually sighed with relief. "Sorry Bumble Bee, I didn't know you were awake. You're such a good girl. Bet your daddy is going to be proud that you didn't have an accident."

"I's a big girl now!" she said and proved it by pulling her clothes back together without my help. She looked like she was wrestling a bear for a second but she got everything pulled up and straight.

"Want some drink?"

"Yes, uh huh, pease," she said in a rush.

Kelly didn't want to especially go back into the play pen after her drink but she went after I coaxed her a bit and soon she was babbling at me every time I came back with more beans to dump into the bushel baskets in the shade. Each type of bean had a different basket and soon enough I was hot and dripping sweat all over again.

From my vantage in the garden I saw Jax come back and then get under the tree with Kelly so I didn't have to watch so much and could move faster. I was kicking it with the beans and didn't look up until a shadow fell across me. "Here. Drink something. You're white around the mouth. Where's your hat?"

I turned to look up at Jax from where I was squatted down and wound up on my butt in the dirt instead. "On second thought," he said. "Come get in the shade. I'll carry the bucket."

He helped me up, handed me the plastic glass of water and then took the five gallon bucket I had been using and guided me to sit down near the playpen. I hadn't noticed how shaky I was getting. After a few sips of water I told him, "Man, it has to be in the 90s"

"It is; ninety-two according to the thermometer on the barn. Why don't you take a break?"

"I can't," I told him. "I've got to get the garden picked over. This heat is just too much and if it keeps up things are going to start to shrivel. Even with the solar drip irrigation system going this heat is too much this time of year. ( .  ) As it is I'm probably going to have to water two or three times a day. Geez this is crazy. Thank goodness we have all the rainwater storage to be able to keep up. ( .  ) ( .  )"

He told me in concern, "You're gonna have heat stroke if you keep this up."

I meant to shake my head but was too wiped out. "No. I'll just have to do the picking early and late in the day instead of in the middle like I'm doing now. You'd think I'd know better than to try this when it is so hot but now that I've started I can't stop. And I've got to get these beans some place cool or they are going to sour and mold."

"I'll carry them down to the cool cellar in the basement. You really need to just sit down for a little bit Lydie."

His tone of voice had me cracking my eyes open and looking up at him. "Look that bad huh?"

"You look … yeah … you look bad. At least stick you head under a spigot to cool off for a little more."

I rolled over and got on all fours and then forced myself up. "I'll do better than that … but no peeking. I'm gonna step into the shower." ( . ?t=321571 )

He grinned and it was tinged with relief that I hadn't fought him over the issue. "I'll climb in with Kelly when you're finished if there's enough water."

"There'll be enough water. I only plan on rinsing off real quick and then getting re-dressed. If I get too comfortable it is going to be hard to get back in the garden and do what I gotta do."

By the end of the day I felt slammed. Luckily Jax didn't mind simple beans and rice for dinner; I wasn't even up for making biscuits or cornbread to go with it. The heat had wiped Kelly out and she only played a little before saying, "Blankey wants to go to bed."

Uh huh, Kelly was the one that wanted to go to bed but didn't want to admit it; but that's kids for you apparently. Jax didn't look like it hurt his feelings any at all. After cleaning the kitchen I still felt sticky and grimy and decided to take another quick shower. It was completely dark out and I hoped the worst of the bugs were done for the evening. I was so tired that even though I grabbed a fresh towel, I forgot to take clean clothes with me outside to the shower. After I had finished and dried off I debated on risking a run to the house when I realized I had goofed, but the blood-sucking skeeters decided it for me.

Wrapped only in a towel I ran for the porch and then skidded to a stop when the door opened in front of me. I stood there like a deer in the headlights and Jax just stood there with his mouth hanging open. I shook my wet head and then pushed him out of the way and fled up the stairs telling him over my shoulder to shut the door before all the bugs get in.

I was debating on whether to come out of my room … ever … when there was a soft knock on the door. "Lydie?"

I sighed and then warned him, "Don't make fun Jax. I know I should have grabbed some clothes, I just forgot."

"I … uh … wasn't going to make fun. I was … uh … just … just checking to see if you were OK."

"I'm fine," I told him. With a bit of an attitude I asked, "You swear you aren't going to twit me over this?"

I heard him chuckle quietly and then he said, "Promise."

I stuck my very red face out of the door and he backed up, then I let the rest of me – the fully clothed rest of me – step out. Pretending that he hadn't just seen me in nothing but a towel he asked, "Kelly is asleep. Are we going to do the beans?"

Pretending that I didn't know he was still thinking about seeing me in nothing but a towel I told him, "I'm going to. You can do whatever you want."

"Ouch."

I sighed in resignation and said, "Sorry."

With a grin he said, "I'm not."

I growled in irritation, stuck my nose in the air and went downstairs with his masculine chuckle following me. He finally caught up with me down in the basement but instead of helping he took the basket out of my hands. "Lydie, let's talk first."

Still feeling awkward I moved away and said, "About what?"

"About … us."

Well that caused a shiver right there. "Us?" I said, squeaking more than I had meant to.

"Yeah. Us. I know I promised not to push but can you at least give me a hint whether I've got any hope here?"

Irritated I snapped, "If there was any more hope I'd be a mental basket case."

He looked confused for a moment then asked, "Is that good or bad?"

I crossed my arms defensively and muttered, "It means that … that I want to throw good sense to the wind and play house with you for real. The only thing keeping me from being completely stupid is the fact that I've never done this before so it is taking me twice as long to figure how what I'm supposed to do next."

He thought that through then grinned. "Oh … so it's a good thing."

Getting really freaked out I said, "For you maybe … but I'm not easy. I'm not!"

"Whoa … hey …," he said when he saw I was getting so upset. "I know that."

"Do you? Because I'm starting to wonder if I know it. This is turning out just too simple … like some stupid, bodice-ripper story like the lunchroom ladies used to like to read." Cynically I mimicked dramatically, "His sun bleached hair blew in the breeze. His muscular body was topped by a chiseled face and his chocolate brown eyes took her breath away. Her bosom heaved with anticipation as he …"

I didn't get to finish because Jax busted out laughing. "Honestly Lydie, you're too much. The lunchroom ladies never read anything like that."

Indignantly I said, "They most certainly did. I used to hear them talking about the latest romance scenes when they delivered the snacks for the day care center. Can you imagine them women talking about heaving bosoms and … and other stuff? I swear I almost died every time they offered to lend me one of their books to quote 'get spicey with it' end quote."

Jax cracked up again. When he settled down he said, "Not that I don't want to see your heaving bosom but …" At my alarmed look he stepped over, still smiling but more gently and said, "I've already made an ass out of myself once … I will not make that mistake again." He took my hand and then threaded our fingers together. "Come on and just sit down and talk with me for a second."

Cautiously I let him lead me to the old sofa that was in the finished part of the basement and we sat; me on the end and him close enough that my bosom really did start to heave. "Lydie, listen. I think I've got it figured out. You're a good girl … completely different from Darlene. Even if I might have wondered at one point because of how long you and Matt went out I'm not wondering any more. And because of that I'm going to be careful. If … when … it happens between us I'm going to make sure and take care of things … make sure it happens the right way. That's … uh … one of the reasons I sort of suggested that we hold off on deciding whether to bring anyone else on board. I just wanted my chance with you … to show you that it can be good with me, that I won't let you down like Matt did or go running off after another girl just for a taste of something different."

With his last sentence doing the exact opposite of calming me down I told him, "Geez Jax … that's … that's crude."

"Yeah, well guys can be pretty crude sometimes. I just want you to know that you can feel safe with me, that I won't let you down."

Feeling like it was now or never I asked him a little desperately, "For how long?"

He sat back and gave me a serious look; not like he was weighing my pros and cons but more like he was weighing his own words before he said them. "I'm not in highschool Lydia and haven't been for a while. I worked in a man's world and have a man's responsibilities. I've got Kelly to think about. I don't want to get her all mixed up. And I'm not looking for a do-over of what I had with Darlene. I'll be honest, it wasn't bad for what it was and she and I even parted friends of a sort, but I've outgrown that part of my life and I don't want to repeat it. Do … do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

I thought about it but admitted, "Not really."

He looked briefly uncomfortable before he explained, "I'm … I'm not looking for a friend with benefits or bed buddy or something … temporary. I want something I can … something I can lock down. With someone that I can trust will do right by Kelly for her own sake, not just as a favor to me."

I must have looked like a blasted owl. My eyes felt as big as saucers and all I could do was blink.

Jax tried to wait me out but finally he asked, "What about you? Have you … uh … thought about it at all?"

Finally I drew in a breath to try and steady myself and said, "I've sorta been afraid to. Was afraid I wouldn't like the answer I'd get."

Hesitantly he asked, "Did you? Like the answer I mean."

I couldn't look at him, couldn't even find my voice. All I could do was nod.

Then his husky voice was in my ear asking, "Can we seal it with a …kiss?"

For the next few minutes we were otherwise engaged but we practically jumped apart when there was a huge boom. We ran upstairs and I was almost to the kitchen door to throw it opened when he hauled me backwards. "Look first," he muttered in my ear right before he pushed me behind him. About that time there was another huge boom and we could see the sky light up.

Off and on for the rest of that night we would be awakened by the lightning laced storm that danced all around us but never seemed to hit us directly. The next morning we were both bleary eyed as we picked up the stuff that had blown over or around. We were each carrying a bushel basket of fruit that the wind had knocked off the trees when I said, "Jax, I want to go check on the Houchins family."

He gave me a considering look. "After they turned you away?"

I shrugged, "What if they did? Doesn't mean I have to act like they did. Besides, as far as I know they are the closest people. I'd rather know than just guess how they're doing after that storm. Don't want them walking up the drive and catching us off guard do we?"

He continued to consider my words like they were worth listening to and then nodded his head. "It'll also give us a chance to see how the road faired. Like you said, no surprises. As tired as we are I'm almost thinking that maybe we should put the run off one more day."

I shook my head, "Not unless we learn something that we don't like. You already said it may take two nights to do what we want since you don't know how much work it is going to take to get the little tanker up and running."

We came to an agreement and since the garden was really too wet to work in we got out the bikes, put together a couple of packs so that we'd be prepared for most eventualities and then struck out to see what we could see.


	13. New Geek Empire Part 10

_**The New Geek Empire Part 10**_

"Lonny Houchins! You put that gun in my face ever again! I oughta … I was holding a baby!"

I was so mad I was boiling, nearly literally, giving serious consideration to turning one Lonny Houchins and his brother from roosters into hens, and my hands were shaking like autumn leaves in the wind. The only two things that kept me from getting up and scratching their eyes out was the fact that Kelly had cried herself into hiccups and I was on the ground cleaning up Jax's bloody face where he and Lonny and his brother Ronny had just gone at it like three starving mongrels after the same bone.

Of course I didn't really need to because Mr. Houchins had already knocked Lonny and his twin brother Ronny together by their foreheads. Just grabbed them by their scruffs and slammed them together. I swear that was just about the most satisfying sound I had ever heard … even after all these years I still rank it in the top ten.

Mr. Houchins walked slowly and carefully over and bent down to check Jax over and said, "Boy, you don't look too bad to have taken on both my knuckleheaded grandsons at once; their wimmens gonna have a fair piece to go to clean them up. You wanna fight on my side you can do it anytime you ownto."

Jax for his part had me grinding my teeth nearly as much because the gudgeon cracked a smile and said, "Nice to know Sir. I'm sorry about your boys but I couldn't let it pass that they had that gun on my daughter and Lydie."

Mr. Houchins gave him a hand up and he stood before I was ready for him to and Kelly and I both squawked. The crazy old man smiled and nodded and said, "Done the same thing myself in your place." He turned to me and said, "Lydie, I told you you shouldn't be coming around for a while. Boys are a little itchy about strangers."

Finally, feeling like my head was going to explode, I told him in a righteous huff, "Well I was trying to do what Dad would have done which was come check on neighbors after that storm last night. We didn't get any damage from it but between the lightning and the wind I wasn't sure what it did to anyone else. There could have been a tree down, your animals could have gotten out, you could have lost a silo, someone could have gotten hurt like Roe Tate did when he worked for you, just anything. You and Dad were always friends and he would have had something to say if I hadn't checked even if you did throw me off your place before. Now look at what has happened!"

Growing concerned Mr. Houchins said, "Now Lydie Girl, I didn't throw you off … I just didn't think it was a good thing for you to be coming around for a while."

"Well I wasn't coming around for a social call like before. I was coming around to check on you like Dad would have done." I admit my feelings were hurt all over again.

At least they were until Mrs. Houchins showed up with two girls I figured were Lonny and Ronny's "wimmen" a couple of seconds later. She said, "Honey, you don't know the heartache that caused him, you really don't. But never mind that, you're here and just trying to do what your parents would have done in your place and I think that is just about the sweetest thing. And look at you Ajax Remington, I haven't seen you since … well, I can't remember when. And look at this baby. Awww, Rupert look how big she's gettin'."

You could always count on Mrs. Houchins to calm things down. I'm not sure how she did it but she'd come in and smooth things over like warm butter. And she was always really good to Mom; she and Mom belonged to the same Quilt Guild.

I was holding Kelly because for all of it Jax was still a little wound up and looking protective and the poor little thing was still sucking on her bottom lip in a pet over the ruckus. But just like magic as soon as Mrs. Houchins started cooing to her she smiled and reached out to be held. I looked at Ajax and he gave a barely visible nod and so I let Mrs. Houchins hold her while I got some wipes out of my pack to clean her face up with. When I turned back Mr. Houchins was giving Jax a look and Jax was turning uncomfortable so I just said by way of conversation with Mrs. Houchins, "Jax and Kelly here are living with me. I tried to look up … well, old friends … but that didn't work out. Jax wanted a better place for Kelly and … well … this is working out for, all of us. Dad and Jax worked together at the mill and it is nice to have someone around that remembers him fondly and with respect the way I do."

Mrs. Houchins nodded and said, "I bet it is nice to have a man around too. I always heard that raising this baby turned Ajax respectable and responsible."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw both men watching us and Jax's ears couldn't have been redder than if they'd been spray painted the color of the VFD's fire engine. "Yes ma'am. He sleeps in the guest bedroom because it has the little sitting room for Kelly that we've set up like a nursery. About the only thing Jax doesn't help with around the place is the cooking." I threw a mischievous look his way. "He can make noodles and help clean up after Kelly but that's about the sum total of his talents in the kitchen."

Jax mumbled, "I didn't mean to burn the toast. And it wasn't all that bad."

I laughed out loud at that fib. "Jax, one of the pieces were burnt all the way through. How you could stand to eat it I don't know. You should have let me crumble it and feed it to the chickens like I said."

He sighed. "That would have been wasting food and since I burnt it, it was my place to eat it."

I made a face thinking about how awful it had to have tasted and Mrs. Houchins chuckled and Mr. Houchins seemed to relax. He clapped Jax on the shoulder and said, "Man's gotta do what a man's gotta do sometimes, that's for sure."

Jax relaxed after that as well and turned to Lonny and Ronny and asked, "No hard feelings?"

Mr. Houchins didn't give them a chance to answer, "Heck no there ain't no hard feelings. Men do what men have to just like I said. Now, about last night … had one of our old pecans come down but it was going to take it out come spring anyway. Good Lord just gave me a helping hand by taking it down early. Laid down so sweet, didn't hit anything else, not even another tree which only He could have made happen. We've got enough that can get it cut up and piled after we get the corn brought in. Did y'all have any problems?"

Jax looked at me and I let him do the talking. "Naw sir, just a lot of fruit that got knocked off the apple trees and the outside row of corn got laid over in places but I've already cut that and leaned it together to dry."

Lonny, the more vocal of the twins, added, "Daddy said that he thought he saw a twister during one of the lightning flashes but that it was off toward town. Reckon we should go check?"

Mr. Houchins didn't look pleased by the idea and Jax didn't either. He said, "Unless it hit the school or that old church out on Haines Road it shouldn't have hurt anyone. And you said he only thought he saw one. I'm certainly not dragging Kelly and Lydie through any mess in town even if there was one. I can only take care of so much and right now they're my priority."

Mr. Houchins clapped Jax on the shoulder again and drew him off to the side. I could hear bits and pieces of what they were talking about but not the whole conversation. Seeing my irritation at being left out Mrs. Houchins looked at me and with a twinkle in her eyes commented, "They always try and pretend we are so fragile."

I snorted, "Humph. Mom always said that if a man had ever experienced childbirth they wouldn't think we were so fragile." I rethought that real quick. "Not that I mean to experience it myself too soon."

Mrs. Houchins laughed gently and asked, "Not that I mean to … hmmm … how did my grandaughter put it … get into your business … but are you and Jax ….?

I cringed. This was my mother's friend, old enough to be my grandmother, and talking about that stuff with her was very unsettling. "No ma'am, we … uh … aren't. But … uh … we … we … uh … are … are kinda …"

"Seeing if you suit?" she asked gently helping me out.

I didn't know whether to be grateful or cringe even worse. "Yes ma'am, basically. I mean we kinda already know we do but it's … it's happened awful fast and there's Kelly to think about and so much other stuff going on. But we really aren't … you know … in the … uh … same bedroom."

She gave me a hug and said, "The good Lord put us on this earth to be fruitful and multiply and there's only one way to do it. You just make sure that Jax is the right one to do it and with then I say what will be will be. He doesn't strike me as the type to run off and leave a girl high and dry … look at this baby girl he fought so hard for when it would have been a lot easier to turn the other way. But life happens Honey and sometimes you don't get the choice of whether you have to try to go it alone or not. You know Mr. Houchins isn't my first husband; that Marilee's father died overseas?"

"Yes ma'am, Mom once said something to that effect."

She told me, "Well, I was alone in this world with a little girl and my parents weren't around to help. My brother was a good man but he had his own he could barely keep clothes on. I took a job in the old Feed Store because they let me bring Marilee to work with me which meant I didn't have to find and pay for a babysitter. Six months later Mr. Hounchins and I were married and I'd never known him before the secretary at the feed store introduced us, six months after that I was carrying the twins' father. Life don't always just crawl at a snail's pace so you have time to think about it; sometimes you just have to have faith that what the Lord puts in your path is what He means for you to have."

She'd certainly given me something to think about and then Jax came back over and asked politely, "Are you ready to head back to the house? Mr. Houchins needs to get back to work and I think we do too."

I checked his eyes and he didn't seem upset or hacked off so I said, "If you are."

As we got on the bikes and started to pedal away Mr. Houchins told Jax, "You think on what I said,"

Jax waved and said, "Yes sir, definitely mean to."

We were far enough away down the road that no one could have heard us and I rode up beside him and asked, "Just what did he want you to think on?"

He told me, "He knows about your biofuel set up and thinks we should be driving for safety sake rather than riding around on the bikes."

I asked, "And what do you think?"

"If he already knows I don't see any reason not to use your truck as long as we are careful. It isn't like we plan on hot rodding all over the county; we'd be able to go further faster and bring more back than we could with the bikes and little trailers. It would be safer in case we do run into other people too."

"And?" I asked.

"And?" he repeated. After a glance at my face he said innocently, "He just asked what I knew about what had been going on in town. Apparently he knows some of it because he's in contact with a man still living on the stub end of Haines Road about a mile from the church where that other group is living together. I'm thinking we should listen to the radio when we can. I know it will use power but I don't like the idea of being totally deaf to what is going on, especially if other people like Mr. Houchins already knows things."

After he had fallen silent like he'd said it all I told him, "Ajax Remington, do not make me ask again and you know doggone good and well what I'm talking about."

He sighed, "Fine. If you want an exact quote he told me that if I didn't do right by you he'd be happy to see to my gelding if I needed it."

Confused I said, "You don't have a horse do yoouuuuu … oh … Oh …. OH! He so did not say that! Oh God, I'm gonna die … I'll kill him first but then I'm just gonna die! And after Mrs. Houchins was so nice and sensible about it. Oh geez … oh …"

Jax started chuckling. "Stop being such a drama queen. That's mild compared to what your dad would probably have said in his shoes and you know it. I assured him I did plan on doing right by you but not until after you decided exactly what that meant and that I had sense enough to know that no one was going to push you until you were ready … me, him, or anyone else … and that your dad had done enough good turns for me that even if you didn't decide on me that I'd still look after you in your dad's memory."

I finally risked another glance in his direction and realized he was chuckling at how I had reacted but he was serious at the same time. Slowly I relaxed. "Well, for the record, my mind's made up but I'm still concerned about the … er … possible consequences and I'd like to get a few chores out of the way before we … uh … see to the rest of it."

His bike wobbled briefly making Lydie squeal but then he said calmly, "Sounds like a plan."

After getting home we did a few chores but nothing major. I went through the garden again, picked what was ready and couldn't wait and made note of what would need to be looked at again the next day or two. It wasn't as warm as it had been but the day was still hot enough that cooking at lunch time wasn't my idea of fun but Jax surprised me by saying he wouldn't mind just eating salad.

"You sure? You're gonna wind up so hungry tonight you're not going to be able to stand it."

He shook his head, "Actually I don't like working on a full stomach. Gives me heart burn." Could we have that vinegar and oil dressing you made the other night? It was really good."

I grinned, "Glad you like it because it might be all the dressing flavor we are down to eventually if I can't figure out how to make anything else. I can make Italian too if you prefer but stuff like blue cheese or green goddess might not be happening anytime soon."

"It's not a problem, trust me; I don't like a lot of goop on my food."

"Yeah, I noticed that you don't use a lot of gravy or sauce on anything I've fixed. I thought maybe you didn't like it at first."

Surprised he asked, "You kidding? Man it is soooo good not to have to cook all the time and on top of it, eat my own disasters." I had to laugh at the face he made, mostly because it was true. Even Dad and Will had cooked better than Jax could. It was nice to know that there was more than just that one thing he needed me for.

It was difficult but we both tried to nap a bit after lunch while Kelly took her nap; to be honest it made me almost more tired than if I had just stayed up. By dusk we had loaded up my old Ford and attached the farm wagon to the ball hitch. We had decided that I would drive since I knew the roads in the dark best and that Jax would ride shotgun … literally. We were both well-armed and loaded for bear. It felt very, very strange but Jax felt it was a given necessity.

"Humor me Lydie."

"I'm not fighting you on this," I pointed out.

"Not in words … ok, not at all, but you still don't think it is necessary."

I sighed. "I'm not sure what I think about it. But … I trust you. You think I need to arm up like Lara Croft then I guess that is what I'll do. I mean … wait … you do know who Lara Croft is don't you?"

He sighed, "Tomb Raider." Then he shook his head. "Lydie it is more than about being armed, you need to be able and prepared to use what you're armed with. You've proven you can shoot … heck, you're as good as I am and better if we are talking long distance. Which by the way I intend to fix with some practice."

"Yeah, yeah," I laughed. "Playing RPG does have its benefits."

"Mebbe," he admitted. "So long as you can bring it to the real world. Can you shoot a real life human being or just an animal or a character on a screen?"

I wanted to be able to say I would do whatever I had to but the honest truth was I wasn't sure. Now it was my turn to sigh. "Jax, I know I've got to work on it but I'm not intentionally gonna let you or Kelly down."

He reached over and ran his knuckles down my arm. "I know. Just you've got to remember, this isn't a game. You didn't see the violence and crap that went on in town like I did. I'm glad you didn't but it might also mean you don't understand just how dangerous people can get. I don't want anything to happen to you." I wouldn't call the issue a bone of contention between us but at that time I was still absorbing what had happened to my life. I knew that violence existed – of course I did, look what happened to my family. But trying to really equate it with my immediate world hadn't happened all the way yet.

Kelly was dozing in the car seat between us – I had found the car seat in the attic just like I had found the other baby stuff – and it seemed to take no time to get to the mill after traveling at the speed of bike for so long. I pulled the truck and trailer right into one of the storage buildings after Jax jumped out and got it open using bolt cutters and WD40 on the doors. He said quietly, "I'll keep Kelly in the truck while I work on getting the tanker up and running. You think you can … I mean I hate to ask you to go off on your own …"

I told him, "Relax Jax. The dark doesn't scare me and never has. I'll go back over to the break room to start with and then work from there to see if there is anything I can get on my own."

"Keep your radio on."

I saluted and said, "Aye aye Sir!"

He rolled his eyes but I didn't give him a chance to rethink it. I slid the LED headlamp onto my forehead but left it off to keep from losing my night vision which was really good. The moon was full and I had been running without headlights on the truck most of the way which gave Jax the sweats a few times until he asked me suspiciously, "You've done this before haven't you?"

I gave a wicked grin and said, "Let's just say Dad and I moved a few items for Luther McGraw."

Which of course required an explanation because Luther McGraw was a big time moonshiner … or had been in his youth. And if certain people were suspicious he was still running it wasn't his fault; or at least so he said since he told anyone that asked that he wasn't running anymore which was technically true in a manner of speaking.

As I sat out some empty corrugated boxes in preparation of filling them I remembered Jax's reaction when I told him, "Dad acted as LM's middleman and took a cut of every run."

"Your dad?! Razor straight and all that?!"

I sighed. "Don't think bad of him Jax. He hated doing it but Will's treatments were expensive, especially the bone marrow transplant. He didn't want to mortgage our home because without it we had nothing else. The runs were just down to his brother's place and was just to a group of old guys that still liked their homemade and kicking it like the old days."

He was quiet then said. "I never even thought. Insurance covered Kelly's birth and all. I … I didn't mean to judge him like that."

"Judge him and me," I told him. "I ran all of the runs once I turned sixteen and could drive by myself because those that cared were usually expecting a man to be transporting. LM and his brother Mr. TD were the only two besides Dad that knew and we kept it really, really quiet. Mom never even knew. And before you get whacked out I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Take it however you want to."

"What I take it as is that there's more to you than I thought … the good kind of more." I left it at that by not commenting on what he said. I knew he'd either deal with it or wouldn't but I felt comfortable telling him in a way I would have never been able to tell Matt and I was hoping that meant something.

It took a surprisingly short time to start filling the boxes with stuff. Office and cleaning supplies took up a lot of room but if we were going to scavenge I figured we needed to do it right the first time around rather than constantly cherry picking things. I found an empty and clean blue plastic barrel and used it to start collecting clothing in; lockers had jackets, protective gear, and then there was a bunch of stuff with company logos in the back office. I figured we'd find some use for the stuff eventually. I was just going to put cedar and some moth balls in the barrel and shut it up until we needed anything out of it.

The owners' office's provided a few fancy coffees and their secretary's desk gave me some fancy powdered creamers and flavored instant coffees. Found a couple of bottles of vodka in there too which told me the rumors about her issues were likely true.

From the main offices I wandered out into the mill proper and came across a large stack of rolls … some of plastic and some of what looked like paper so thick it was almost cardboard. I keyed the mic on the radio and Jax came on and asked, "Everything OK?"

"Yeah, just letting you know I've moved out of the offices and into other areas. And to ask, do you think we have room on the trailer for a couple of these rolls of … I don't know … this thick brown paper? You know what I'm talking about?"

"Yeah," he answered. "It's a type of packing paper. We should have room. Don't try and move it though, they're heavy and if they fall on you it will do some serious damage."

"Understood," I said into the mic. "I'll leave this area until you can come with me."

"Yes, please. And watch out … there's some big ol' rats wandering around here. I had one surprise me by running across my legs when I was under the tanker and I almost tipped the truck over trying to get up and figure out what it was."

That made me laugh as it was meant to and I let him hear a little bit of it before I signed off and decided to go out to the parking lot. Besides, I did not want him to hear the kind of noise I would make if I ran into a rat that was big enough to startle him.

I turned the headlamp off and gave myself a few seconds to adjust my eyesight before going outside. I wandered back to the employee parking lot only to return to the office to get a 16" heavy duty screwdriver I had seen in the foreman's office. There was also a rubber mallet in the same tool box and I knew how to use the two to do what I wanted to do.

All of the cars left in the lot were older models that had a visible key lock for the trunk. If they'd been the newer ones that could only be opened from the interior latch I would have had to break a window and make a lot of noise. I might still be doing that to pop the hoods and get to the batteries but I was going to start with the trunks; and mostly because it was fun to play "locksmith" with the hammer and flathead screwdriver.

I found a few things … tools, bottle water, a few blankets and such … but nothing to get hysterically happy about. Found a rat nest in the back end of one and lucky for me it was the last car on the lot and was empty of its residents but man did it stink to high heaven.

Next I checked the cars over to see if anyone had been crazy enough to have a magnetic spare on them and sure enough one of the cars did. Easy Peasey Lemon Squeezy … that was one hood popped. The others weren't as easy.

There is the tried and true sticking the screw driver into the window frame and jiggling it around until you get the window to shatter but I was going to try something that Dad taught me that was way cool. I stripped a spark plug out of the car that I had been able to pop the hood on already. With the large, heavy duty screw driver I broke the ceramic part of the spark plug so I had pieces that were about as big as my pinkie fingernail. One good, solid plink with that piece of ceramic and the car window shattered. Dad said it was because the ceramic has a negative charge to the window's positive charge. Beats me if that is true, all I know is that it works.

I keyed the mic just in time to keep Jax from running to the rescue. "Sorry. I'm breaking into cars."

I could feel the growl rather than actually hear it in his voice. "Little warning would have been nice."

I thought for half a second and then said, "You're right." After another hesitation I asked, "Having a hard time with the tanker?"

"No," he said in a short voice. "The valve is jammed on the storage tank. I'm working it loose."

"Uh … want some help?"

"No," he said distinctly and then didn't say anything else. I was pretty sure his knuckles were going to look like ground beef and decided it was a good thing for me to be far away from him until he completed his mission. My dad had a few not nice things to say about the mill equipment on occasion and I knew when it was time for me to be someplace else until he cooled off.

Getting back to the breaking and entering was more fun anyway. I disconnected all the batteries and used the dolly to move them to a pile near the boxes that I'd already stacked. I was just finishing that when Jax called me. "Got it. Finally." I could hear the relief in his voice. "I'm gonna fill the tanker so you'll hear the pump. After that I'll come help you. Kelly is still asleep."

"Then just let me bring the stuff to the trailer instead of you having to go all over the place. I'll … oh my gosh … I think I just saw one of your giant rats! It's as big as a dog and is slinking this way!"

"Lydie," Jax said urgently. "I was joking about how big the rats were. Get your gun in your hand. Now!"

I wasn't able to answer him because I was too busy scrambling on top of the closest vehicle which happened to be a powder blue Chevy truck older than I was. I was surrounded by three big dogs and I must have been wearing a sign that said chow time. They were jumping for me but I was high enough that I had time before they figured out how to leap into the truck bed and I picked the first two off easily enough and got the third one as it was running away.

"Lydie! I'm coming!" Sqawk out of the radio.

"No … no don't! Really Jax, I'm fine. I don't want Kelly to see this mess I made but you be on the look out. There were three big ol' dogs."

"You swear you're OK?"

"Yeah, I wouldn't lie to you about that. But you know, I swear I've seen these mutts before."

After a moment where I could imagine Jax was debating what to do since he did have Kelly's safety to consider he asked, "What do they look like?"

"Mutts … but big ones. One is almost all black except for some brown on his muzzle and front paws and a big old square head that looks like a battering ram but the fur on his butt is curly. Next one is kind of a short grayish white fur, barrel chested with a skinny butt and stubbed tail, long pointy face and a mouth full of teeth. Last one is …"

"White, brown saddle and paws, curly furred?"

Startled I asked, "Yeah, how did you know?"

"They belonged to that guy that lived next door to my aunt and uncle's place. Matt must have told you about the time they broke out and tore my aunt's garden up right before they voted on that 'best looking house in the neighborhood' contest she won every year."

Then I remembered. "That's them! I knew I'd seen them before … they were plastered all over the newspaper because your aunt threatened to take the neighbor to court because they had let the dogs out on purpose."

After a moment I asked, "Jax, you still there?"

"Yeah, just thinking. Food must be scarce in town if they came all the way out here. Not a good sign. We better put a note on Mr. Houchins' gate post and make sure nothing can get at the animals."

I blanched even though he couldn't see me. "Better check the goats tomorrow if we can find them … assuming something hasn't eaten them."

I was about to sign off when he said, "Don't touch the dogs Lydie; they could be carrying something."

I wanted to ask him if he thought I was stupid but I didn't. He'd let me handle the dogs without too much fuss so I figured he was just making up for it by being guy-bossy afterwards. Looking around the mill some more I went to the parts shed and found good quality plumping and fixtures. Some were too big but their handles might come in handy. I also found some full welding tanks. Best of all in another shed I found enough lye to last for a long time. In a separate location I also found a lot of very high strength peroxide that had been used to bleach paper. The lye was for making biofuel ( /biodiesel_  ) but the peroxide was to go in the water treatment mechanism Dad had installed for Will just to be on the safe side since he couldn't risk any kind of organism getting into his guts. I could also use it in place of bleach for the white clothes. The peroxide likely wouldn't be good much longer since it has a relatively short shelf life as such things went so I figured the sooner it was used the better.

Finally I started hauling everything to the trailer where I found Jax cleaning spit up off himself and the seat of the truck. "I'll clean it Lydie. Kelly threw up her dinner."

I stopped the dolly and ran over. Jax tried to clean faster and I tried to slide by him. "I told you I would clean it up Lydie. Kelly didn't mean to."

I gave him a look that would have peeled paint. "Of course she didn't mean to!" I turned to Kelly to ask if she was feeling bad only she was asleep. "Hey, should she be out like that? I mean she just puked! Does she have a fever? Oh no … did something I fed her spoil? Did I feed her too fast or something?"

After Jax finally shut his mouth he said, "Don't freak. She gets a sour stomach sometimes when she is teething."

Worried I said, "Should I have not given her the chicken noodles? Was it too much for her?"

"Hey, it's ok. I just don't want you to be mad about the seat."

I nearly popped him. "The stupid seat is almost as old as Methuselah's nanny and has more duct tape on it than vinyl. What is your problem? I'm not going to holler at a little kid because they got the pukes, especially if I'm the one that fed them what they threw up."

He swooped down and kissed me before I could say anything else. When he let me up for air I asked, "What the heck was that for?"

"Because. Now let me finish wiping the sick up."

"Maybe we should wake her up so she doesn't … I don't know … choke or something."

He smiled then said, "Trust me, she's fine. I'm a worry wart where she's concerned but I do know that now that she has her stomach empty she'll sleep better and is better left alone."

He tried to kiss me again but I backed away from the paper towels full of spit up in his hands. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to say thank you for caring about my daughter more than about your seat cushion."

Looking at the seat and knowing for a fact that it was more spring than cushion I rolled my eyes and made a face. "How about a rain check. The uck in your hands isn't exactly … you know … conducive."

He blanched. "Oh … yeah. Bad timing. Let me throw it away and I'll help load."

With both of us it didn't take long to get stuff into the trailer but then I found out he'd located some pipes and fittings he wanted to bring back and we loaded that in there as well because even though my truck was long bed with the trailer hitched I wouldn't be able to turn the corners with the pipes in the way. After that I took a break and watched Kelly while Jax took the foreman's keys and grabbed up all the batteries off of the company vehicles and got them loaded, some of them being pretty doggone heavy. He also loaded all of the miscellaneous fix-it type stuff from the mechanical storage area including the stuff he used to keep the vehicles running.

We both sat after that and reviewed our plan to go home. "You sure you can drive the truck loaded down this much plus a trailer?"

"Done it plenty of times before. What about it, think you'll need another night on the tanker?"

"No. There wasn't as much tall oil as I thought, just the one vat and I've pumped that out and into the tanker already. But I'm not gonna fly without lights like you did even if the moon is full."

"I won't be flying going home either, not with that trailer loaded like that. If the load shifts it's gonna be a bear to pull without messing up the truck. So just this one load?"

"Actually I do want to come back tomorrow."

Looking around I tried to figure out what we'd left. Jax tapped me and then pointed over to some of the big trucks and I realized he'd left one untouched and it was still loaded, with hardwoods no less. I smiled and threw up my hands like a touchdown had been made. "Free firewood for the win!"

He nodded, though not as enthusiastically which told me he was worn out. "I can drive it, have my CDL, but we're going to need to bring some fuel. I've got the pri-D in the tanker cab. I still ain't looking forward to splitting that much wood."

"Actually all we'll need to do is saw the logs into two-foot lengths and then load them onto the log splitter. It's still work but you ain't gonna catch me taking an axe to all that stuff if I don't have to."

He leaned his head on my thigh where he was sitting on the ground and I was sitting on the truck's running board. "You're an angel."

"And you're silly. I don't know about you but I'm ready to hit the road."

"You and me both. Shower then bed. Kelly's alarm clock is gonna go off way too early."


	14. New Geek Empire Part 11

_**The New Geek Empire Part 11**_

"Widdie," a sad little voice whispered nearly into my nose. "I has a assident."

My eyes popped open and then I wanted to close my nose. "Well, you sure did didn't you." Then I sat up in bed real quick realizing that the sun was streaming through the window and Kelly was standing by my bed looking heartbroken … and messy.

"Where's your Daddy, Bumble Bee?" I asked Kelly.

Her bottom lip started to quiver and she said, "Daddy seepin'."

My feet hit the floor and I went down the hall but before I even got there I heard Jax snoring. I looked at Kelly who had followed me and said, "Boy he sure is sleeping loud."

I was hoping to get a little giggle but poor baby was just beside herself after having an accident. Well it wasn't the first time I had cleaned up one – the day care center was usually on the front lines of the potty training war – so I did what I had to do and gave Kelly a quick bath with some bubbles to make her feel better. After I cleaned her I stripped her bedding and hauled it downstairs to soak in a tub outside until I could get it washed. I had been bleaching the whites but was running low on that so I decided I'd use the peroxide; but, I would have to wait until Jax could help unload the barrels from the trailer.

I gave Kelly a piece of bread with jelly on it to tide her over and finally hauled her back upstairs with me so I could get dressed. I no sooner had my foot touched the top landing when Jax stumbled out of Kelly's room in a panic. Kelly spots him and latches onto me like a vice, nearly strangling me which at the same time caused my nightgown to try for a little over exposure. I'm grabbing her and my gown at the same time … hadn't even had a chance to change at that point … and didn't know whether to pull it up on top or pull it down at the bottom. All the while Jax is just standing there with that been-hit-with-a-baseball-bat look on his face.

When nothing came out of his mouth despite the fact that his jaw was just swinging in the breeze I muttered, "Little clean up needed this morning. Gack … Kelly, you're gonna choke my air off Honey, not so tight … and I think she doesn't want you to know about the A-C-C-I-D-E-N-T."

He finally seemed to get his brain out of reverse and shooting on all pistons and asked, "Did you take her out of the bed? I didn't hear her calling. How long have you been up? I wish you would have woken me."

Trying to address each thing he said I told him, "No. I don't think she did. Not long. You were tired."

He finally put things in order but then yelped, "She got out of the crib by herself?!"

"Apparently. I woke up with these little eyes staring at me over the edge of my bed. Don't make a fuss Jax, she was really upset. I think it must still be that teething stuff you are talking about messing up her stomach."

Well as soon as Daddy Jax got over his precious Bumble Bee not breaking her neck or any other bones climbing out of the crib for what he said had to be the first time ever … something tells me he just didn't know about the other times since she was going on three years old … the two nominal adults in the house finally started the day.

Breakfast was more like lunch and not my best effort … instant grits, home-canned sausage patties, and drop biscuits … but it was quick and Jax volunteered to do the dishes since I had cleaned up Kelly. I wasn't going to say no to that. From there I ran out to the barn where the chickens and rabbits let me know in their own way that I was a cruel and worthless human for messing up their feed schedule and that if I didn't want to be pecked or gnawed unto the ends of time I had best not make such a grievous mistake ever again.

The rest of that day was taken up with things like finding the proper place for the stuff that came from the mill. Dad's shop took the bulk of it and I was happy to see that Jax seemed to automatically use Dad's organizing methods to put things away. Different barrels held different diameter pipes and rods. Gorilla shelving held well labeled tubs filled with fittings and other types of things. Vehicle maintenance stuff had its own area in the shed and was as well organized as everything else. Really long pipes were cradled by chains that were attached to the cross beams below the lofts with eye-screws.

Laundry was another chore that got accomplished and I would have kissed my father had he still been there to kiss. I couldn't imagine having to clean those sheets by hand. While I was at it I just stripped all the beds and kept them going. The sun was shining and I had something to whiten the sheets with. All the sheets in the house were white with white embroidery work or white crocheted edging so I didn't have to worry about bleaching any colors out and I finally agreed with my mother than all those hours carefully sewing the white on white designs was worth it; didn't mean I wanted to do it again but it certainly made my life easier.

Going over the linens and doing the laundry made me realize that if the no one was ever going to claim those empty buildings then scavenging them might not be a bad idea after all. Jax had made me aware that I didn't just have myself to think about anymore. Jax was about Dad's size and I already knew from digging out some overalls that he could wear his old clothes but Kelly was another kettle of fish. She could wear some of the stuff in the attic but she would need underthings like "big girl panties," socks, and other warmer clothes once the weather turned. Thanks to Mom's habit of making things so they'd last I did have a few things. I also had enough fabric, yarn, notions, and other such sewing paraphernalia to stock a small quilting store.

"Jax?"

"Hmmm?" His mouth full of an early dinner of canned Chicken a la King served over egg noodles.

"What do you think people are going to use to pay their bills?"

"Mmm?!"

"All the money in the banks is probably toast … stolen, gone, destroyed, records messed up beyond retrieval, whatever. I know from listening to the radio that there is still a government out there in a bunker someplace and eventually they are going to come back out of hiding and try and start things back up. And if not them, some other group will try and do it … human nature."

After finally being able to swallow he yelped, "Why do you want to bring that up for? Haven't we got enough problems right now?"

"Sure we do but you and I both know that right now will be tomorrow before you know it. We are putting together plans for right now and they seem to be fine … for right now. But what about tomorrow? This is my home Jax … and now yours and Kelly's if you really mean to share it with me. It is paid off and I have all the papers to prove it; but what about taxes and things like that? You know governments always want taxes."

Jax continued chewing but this time thoughtfully. "Lydie I don't have an answer for you, not one I'm sure of. Too … too many variables. I suppose for a while we'll trade work or stuff. Say we have too many watermelons and someone else has too many … I don't know … turnips. We can trade and both of us will have what we want."

I nodded, "That'll work locally. At least it will if it is something we can grow. But I can't see no federal revenuer coming along and saying, 'Now see heyar young people, you'uns be owing us'ins ten percent of all you all produced this yar. You give me two dozen o them punkins, a double peck o' them zukes, and a tenth o' the corn in yore silo … add in a few dozen aiggs … and let's see … a couple o' them funny lookin' carrot eaters and I reckon we'll call it even.'" Returning to my normal voice I asked, "Can you?"

"Naw, not when you talk sound like my mother's Aunt Beulah," he laughed. "I take it you have as little liking for that sort of thing as your dad did."

I nodded, "You might could say that. And another thing, what happens if they start taxing us for just having stuff or using stuff like they did during the Colonial days? Tea tax, coffee tax, taxing the number of glass panes your house had, the number of kids you had; frankly just about anything they could come up with."

Getting a little huffy I said, "Then I guess we have us another Revolution."

"That's fine and it might just come to that one of these days. Dad had said we were coming to it anyway since most great civilizations eventually suffer sea changes, most of them violent. But whatever comes after that is still going to want their tax even if it is just a small one for maintaining a military force to protect our borders. Eventually someone is going to try and come put their hands in our pockets … it's human nature. Even if it isn't for money as we know it, it might well be for something else."

"Gold, silver, that sort of thing I suppose."

"Well I don't have any of that. Do you? Dad had to use up what gold and silver he had been able to buy over the years to keep Will in medicine when the liquor wasn't running." Looking around and then under my chair just to be silly I asked, "And I don't see Rumplestilskin around here spinning straw into that stuff either. You wanna be the one to give up your first born if the dragon comes calling because we don't have what they want in the form they want it in?"

"Like hell I will!" Getting frustrated he said, "Look Lydie, I … I just don't know. What kind of answer are you looking for from me anyway? You're the smart one."

I had hurt his feelings without meaning to and I did something I'd seen in the movies and I was anxious to see if it worked or would I get dumped on the floor. I stood up and hurried around the dinner table and wiggled into his lap and said, "Aw Jax, don't be that way. If I didn't think you were smart enough to understand my question I wouldn't have asked you. You know I value your opinion."

The last sentence was just too much for Jax; he went from surprised to laughing. "Just where did you think that up?"

I sighed, disappointed and tried to get up only he had decided I was going to stay put. I muttered, "I saw it in a movie. The guy seemed to like it well enough. And the girls would do it when we RPG'd and it always seemed to move things along."

He laughed again and said, "Oh it'll move things along alright. I'm just not sure if you realize what you're moving."

"Huh?"

He laughed again and set me on my feet and said, "Lydie, I'm not mad at you for asking and I should know better than to act Kelly's age just because I didn't like the questions you're asking. I'm just … I don't know; I hadn't really thought about it. I've been so consumed by keeping Kelly safe, fed, and clothed … scavenging is as far as I've thought at this point. Like I told Mr. Houchins, all I care about right now is us, anyone else … even my own cousin … is pretty much down my laundry list of things to do. I suppose we can look at them books in your dad's office and see if he has anything on what might happen. Can it wait though? Do we need to think about that right now?"

I sighed and shrugged. "I guess not. I just don't want it to catch us by surprise. I just can't help thinking though it isn't always going to be like it is right now. Eventually the salvage is going to run out. Eventually the government is going to come out of its hole and want its power back … or some form of it. And if it doesn't, some other government from some other country – or their agents – are going to come sniffing around and I'm pretty sure we need to be ready. Even during the Dark Ages they collected taxes, if nothing else, to pay for wars or to protect people from wars."

We both sort of picked at our food after that but as with everything else we were young, healthy, and were not the type to turn morose and stay that way. Our better natures kicked in and having Kelly around didn't hurt either. Jax had nicknamed her Bumble Bee but she was more of a clown than a bee.

That night's run to the mill was uneventful and relatively fast. We did see that something had been at the bodies of the dogs and pieces were missing or drug all over the place.

"Vultures maybe?" I said when Jax and I noticed.

He shook his head. "No feathers or bird poop. Enough birds to leave three big dogs little more than piles of bones should have left some type of sign behind. If it hadn't been just last night I would have said insects as complete as they've been turned to skeleton. But look at that leg bone … something has broken it and likely chewed out the marrow."

I shuddered, "I'll take your word on it. I'm a farm girl but even I draw the line at some things … and it smells around here."

"Yeah it does don …" He stopped and looked around. "Get in the truck Lydie and get going. The hauler is warmed up enough. Let's get gone."

"What's wrong with you all of a sudden?"

"Tell you when we get on the road … go."

Well, we went but it was a couple of hours later, after we'd hidden the tractor trailer down the old utility right of way that was overgrown but still passable so long as Jax drove slow, that he finally told me. "Pigs."

"That's what I smelled," I told him feeling suddenly stupid.

"Probably drawn by the smell of the carrion. Could have been vultures in on it but the pigs came up and finished the job. That's why the bones were so scattered like that. No way did I want to meet enough feral pigs that could do what happened to those dogs, much less meet up with them at night."

I agreed. Jax and I were tired. Not specifically from the wood run but from all the work we had been doing for a while plus the missed sleep the night before. The problem was we were so keyed up it was hard to get to sleep and Kelly was even worse. I dug out some old Looney Tune cartoon DVDs and hooked up the television in the room that Jax was using.

"Wanna stay and watch cartoons with us?"

Jax looked so hopeful that I said, "OK, if you don't mind me doing my hair."

Since it was up in a towel where I had taken a quick shower he said, "Nope. Actually, I've never seen it down. I … WOW!"

I had taken the towel down pretty abruptly to make my point. "I know it is a mess, you don't need to rub it in."

"No! I mean that isn't what I mean. Geez, I didn't know you had so much hair! You had all of that in those braids you wrap around your head?!"

I threw a chair pillow at him which made Kelly laugh, pick it up, and do it a couple of more times for me. "Dad was kinda … well … strict. I wasn't allowed to cut my hair until I turned eighteen. I've just … I don't know … I guess I'll get around to cutting it one of these days …"

"Awww why?" he asked.

I shook my head. Just like a guy to be goofy about the goofiest things. "Because the Rapunzel look is passé from what I've been told."

"Huh?"

I rolled my eyes and told him, "I don't know. Why? Do you like long hair or something?"

Crawling off the bed to come over and examine what I was doing he said, "Yeah … I do. I mean it's your hair but … but it looks …"

He was starting to breathe funny and I was starting to feel funny and then Kelly decided to be funny. "Daddy! Ook at the ooster! I say, I say, I say … I's a chickie awk!"

Jax whispered huskily, "Later." Then he turned and swooped over and picked Kelly up and said, "Stop dancing on the bed before you fall off Chicken Hawk. You're about as noisy as that runt too. I say, I say." Kelly giggled up a storm but finally settled down once Jax laid down prone on the bed to watch the cartoons with her.

While the two of them snuggled on the bed I sat in the chair trying to turn my rat nest into something resembling a head of hair. By the time I had finished it had gotten awfully quiet and I looked over to find Jax asleep and Kelly's eyes bobbing closed for longer and longer stretches, finally closing and staying closed. I smiled and realized that this was what I had been missing so much … not a clan necessarily but a real family, one I could be a part of. I had never really considered being part of a ready-made family by being with someone that already had a kid but this seemed to suit me and I decided to forget what I might have wanted at one time and enjoy what I wound up with.

I got up and switched off the television and then turned to pull the covers up over the two of them. Jax had made sure that Kelly had gone potty and hadn't had anything to drink in a while so I thought she would be OK. I turned quietly to leave but Jax's fingers had suddenly reached up and snagged the bottom of my shorts.

In a tired whisper he asked, "Stay with us?"

Quietly I said, "I'll squish you two."

"No," he said softly. "Just … just stay with us."

If I hadn't been so tired I might not have given in. But I did. I wasn't sure what my parents would have made of the arrangements but if I was being honest the fact was I had stopped worrying about that so much. I knew my parents would have wanted me to be careful and use some sense, but at the same time they would have wanted me to be happy. Turned out I slept better that night than I had in a while, certainly better than I had expected to.

"Oomph! Kelly! What …"

"Daddee! Potty time!"

A groan and then a soft¸"Wow."

"Daddeeeee. Noowwww!"

I wanted to crawl under the bed but it was at that moment that I heard the rooster and I sighed. "Don't look," I told Jax. "I've seen myself in the morning. It isn't pretty."

"You're right. You're not pretty … you're gorgeous."

Well that'll put a little wiggle in your morning. But a little was all we had time for. We got up and moving quickly, got dressed, ate, took care of the animals and the most immediate chores, went over the garden, then loaded up my old beater truck with a few odds and ends, attached the wagon and then it was off to the vacant trailers we


	15. New Geek Empire Part 12

**_The New Geek Empire Part 12_**

Pulling up to the trailers I stated the obvious. "Kelly is going to have to stay in the truck until we can get some of this grass cut down."

"Both of you stay in until I can get this."

"I can …"

He said, "I've got this." He didn't sound angry but he was being a guy about it so I backed off wanting to argue. If he was that set on getting hot and sweaty and covered in prickles so be it.

It took about thirty minutes to clear a path around the truck with enough space that we could set Kelly up in a play pen. After we put up a canopy to keep her out of the direct sun he told me, "Lord, maybe I'll just stay with her in the shade."

I know he was just joking but I told him seriously, "I wish you would; and drink some water too. I'll look around inside while you cool down a little and pacify Kelly. She's not too happy about being cooped up in this heat."

He nodded and asked, "You sure?"

He was sweat soaked and I knew how hot he had to have gotten because I had roasted just sitting in the truck. It was still unseasonably warm for September. "Of course I'm sure. I'll at least get things aired out for us."

Because Dad had handled most of the repairs and maintenance out at the mill he had a surprisingly wide range of skills … not all of them what you would call mainstream. One of those skills was breaking and entering into places where either the lock had broken, the key had been lost, or any number of other odd things that tend to happen. What was fun is that he taught Will and I many of these same skills. He was the one that taught me to break into trunks so efficiently and he also taught me the next trick I intended on using.

Lock bumping ( watch?v=xD_6_MzTgU&feature=related ) used to be a lot easier than it became after the advent of bump resistant locks but human nature being what it was too few people replaced their old locks with the new-fangled ones simply because of the expense and inconvenience. I had noticed that rarely did people put the really high end lock brands on trailer doors and the one in front of me was no exception. I put in the bump key Dad had made, gave it a couple of relatively gentle taps, and I was in.

After I got that first door opened I learned to turn my face and head away from the door when the first whiff of confined air escapes. The trailer was like an oven and smelled unkept and unclean even though at first glance there was no reason for the smell. On second glance of many buildings being salvaged you noticed the plethora of dead flies. Usually this was a result of one or two flies being inside while the refrigerator or freezer went bad and oozed, then multiplying exponentially in the waste; not always, but usually. It was the not always that I hated running into but this first time wasn't one of those times.

I hadn't learned any of that yet however. I had just put my hand on the refrigerator door when Jax stuck his head in and said, "Whatever you do don't open the frig or freezer."

After he said it I felt pretty stupid. No one in their right mind would have opened a refrigerator after the power had been off so long but then I was new at the art of salvaging back then. Even as a novice though I knew there was no way I wanted to smell the nightmare that would waft out of that box if I had opened it.

I detoured towards the small utility room and told him, "Let me open the back door to create a cross breeze and let some of the stale air escape. I'll also open a window in each room back this way if you'll get one or two in the front room."

He shook his head. "Before doing that see if there is anything worth the trouble or time."

I felt creepy pawing through people's stuff. I hadn't known the couple that lived here except by face when our paths would occasionally cross. I certainly hadn't realized they'd had kids. It appeared the woman and her boyfriend had two daughters; one about Kelly's size and one old enough to need training bras if what was slug over a small desk chair was any indication.

The two-bedroom trailer felt crowded when it shouldn't have. There really wasn't that much since if it had any decorative theme at all it was minimalist. Perhaps it was the ghosts that were in there with me. The pictures of happier times for the occupants adorned the walls and if you went by the pictures the woman and girls were happy thought when the man was in the picture he seemed rather hesitant like he wasn't sure he belonged.

"Jax?" I called. "Come take a look in the bedroom back here and see if there is anything you need for Kelly. There isn't much but there's a few things that might work."

When I saw him come out of the adults' bedroom I thought his red face was due to heat at first but when he gave me an embarrassed grin I had to ask, "What?"

He shrugged and pointed vaguely back into the room. "They've got a … um … interesting bottom drawer in their dresser."

"Huh?"

He laughed only slightly less embarrassed, mostly I think at having to explain it to me. "We found … er … enough of that kind of stuff in town. You know … people's private … uh … lives. I guess most don't stop to think what happens when strangers have to go through their things if they get taken unexpectedly."

I had started to get an inkling of what he meant. "Oh. You think strangers are bad, imagine being family. I eventually got to the place where I could read my brother's journal – it was something his doctors encouraged – and sick or not it turns out he was a normal guy his age. As a joke his friends had smuggled in a couple of those … you know … girly magazines. It was strange to read what his reaction to them were and how mature he ultimately sounded. He had planned to throw them away but … well … he never got the chance and I found them in the back of his closet. And don't even get me started on what it was like going through my parents' belongings."

Jax's face was priceless. "You're … you're parents?!"

I slid the drawer in question open just enough to blanch at the contents and push it closed again real fast. "OK, so nothing like that," I said laughing nervously. "But Mom had some … er … racy night gowns and the like. It turned my head inside out at first, then I was just glad that they'd been happy together … in every way God had meant for them to be."

I sighed and started to walk back to the kitchen. Jax stopped me and asked, "You ok?"

"Yeah. I told you it just hits me every once in a while." Suddenly feeling selfish I asked, "Are you OK? About your parents I mean."

While he watched Kelly through the window in between poking through the coat closet from which he pulled out a few rifles and shotguns and the ammo that went with them he told me, "My parents' marital problems started when I was born. My mom had never wanted kids. I don't mean that is a bad thing; and, she liked kids in general just fine. She just never wanted to have any of her own."

"Because she was a teacher all day long?"

He shrugged like it was something he'd stopped wondering about a long time ago. "Mebbe, don't know. She and my dad had had an agreement that if he didn't push her to have kids then maybe after she retired they'd adopt or be foster parents or something. Didn't work out that way. She got sick and it screwed up her system for a while and what she thought were symptoms of the treatment she was taking was actually morning sickness and stuff. She was almost five months along before the doctors realized she was pregnant. She'd finally started … you know … to show. By then she couldn't get anyone to give her an abortion because they said it would likely be as dangerous to do that as to have the baby … have me." He snorted. "I was almost a statistic and would have been if Mom had had her way."

I was leaning against the counter completely flabbergasted. "Is … look you don't have to tell me if you don't want to … is that why you were so determined to get Kelly?"

"No … and yes." He sighed. "At first it was more that I didn't ever want the baby to wonder like I used to when I first understood the things I was hearing. Then as the baby became a real person in my mind and then I realized that littler person was part of me … I just couldn't fathom not being part of her life. It's … I don't know … people in the family kept saying it was Mom's fault I was being so stubborn … but it … it was more my dad."

"Your dad wanted you to fight for Kelly?"

"No. He really wanted me to give her up."

"OK," I said. "See me standing here seriously not understanding."

He shrugged then sighed. "It was his way of trying to save her from what I went through. Mom was honest and upfront about how I had come into the world. She never tried to hide it from me and had absolutely no shame about it. She did love me, she just … it's complicated … she loved me out of duty, raised me because she felt responsible for making what she saw as a mistake. She did the best she could, was at every game, every school function, every scouting event, went camping even though she hated it, helped me with school, gave me all she had to give because it was what she was supposed to do. She thought that was the price of having brought me into the world when I would have been better off never having been born … or at least that's how she thought of it. Dad was different. He never talked at me but to me. Mom loved me because she felt she was supposed to; Dad loved me because he wanted to – couldn't seem not to no matter what I did – and it made all the difference."

Jax's words stayed with me as I took from the kitchen what I thought might be useful. A few pieces of hardly used cast iron cookware, some decent quality knives, a large speckleware roasting pan; all of the remaining cooking pieces were cheap aluminum things that looked like they'd been burnt more than a time or two. There were some glass casserole dishes that looked just as bad but I took them anyway as I had no idea when they'd be making any more of the things. There wasn't a lot of food in the cabinets and what was there was opened and useless. There was no vehicle in the drive so maybe they picked up and moved at some point … but maybe not, there were too many valuables left behind.

I did manage to grab the sugar, salts, and spices and then found an unopened can of real Hershey's chocolate syrup as well as a couple of cans of sweetened condensed milk in the little cabinets over the refrigerator. I also found something else.

"What the …? Jax? Can you come in here?" I called.

He came up the front steps from where he'd been piling a few things he'd found. "Yeah?"

I showed him the gallon Ziploc bag of mixed pills. "I think somebody was dealing."

He whistled. "If they weren't they had one heck of a habit. Give me those and I'll stick them in the duffle bag with the ammo in it. Those little ones with the holes through the middle that kind of look like a heart are valium and I bet the little yellow ones are diazepam." Coming close enough to see the contents of the bag more closely he gave a surprised snort. "And you see that orange capsule? That is a 30 mg Adderall. Man, someone had to be ripping off a pharmacy big time to get this stuff. Since the Rx law went into effect – well you would know because of Will – but these drugs would be worth a small fortune … maybe even a big one considering all the shortages."

"How do you know what all of these are? I mean I'm not stupid and I know what those little blue pills with the word Pfizer on them are but these others? Maybe if I looked them up in the Physicians Desk Reference in the library, but certainly not by sight."

He smiled, "It isn't as big a deal as you are making out it to be. One of my classes was on recognizing drugs in an emergency situation … OD, meds found near a suspected heart attack, that sort of thing."

Still admiring his knowledge I said, "Cool." I handed him the bag and added, "There's also a slew of those little liquor bottles up here. You want 'em?"

"Opened or unopened?" he asked.

"The seals are still good," I answered.

"Then I guess take them. Might as well, might come in useful for something I guess. "

"Uh …"

He asked, "What? Something else up there?"

"No. I was … uh … hmmm. Do you drink?"

He shook his head and I was glad to see it was no big deal for me to ask. "Not really. A beer every once in a while but being a teenage father wasn't exactly conducive if you catch my meaning. I could have lost Kelly or my job at the mill … either or would have been bad and it just wasn't worth it. Why?"

"Uh … Matt does … or did. I just … I don't know … it got to where it made me uncomfortable sometimes."

He started helping me put the stuff on the counters into some Tupperware like containers that I had found to keep the small stuff from rolling all over the place. "Yeah, I thought he was pretty smooth on the booze for a novice. My uncle would have flaked if he had known. Don't worry about me … I'm no drunk; I never liked the out of control feeling it gave me. I might have a sip if offered but don't generally seek it out on my own. What about you?"

"Me? Geez no. I mean my parents would let me have a sip at the holidays once I was … you know … old enough. I like cooking with it though. Once the alcohol is all cooked out the sugars and starches that it leaves behind can be really good. If we get a pig when it gets cold I'll make you a Pork Chops Marsala that is real good ( recipe/pork-chops-marsala-10000001599630/ )."

I finished the areas I had been going over and then after double checking behind myself I turned and saw him carrying out what we had bagged up. I asked, "Anything else?"

With a fake matter of factness that immediately got my attention he said, "You might want to check out under the master bathroom sink."

When I went in there I smiled in spite of my embarrassment. The woman had either gotten a heck of a good sale or was a coupon-aholic because it looked like she had two years' worth of feminine hygiene products stuffed under there. At second glace I realized some of them were specifically for young girls so maybe it was a year supply for her and the training-bra aged daughter.

I took a garbage bag and loaded it up with that stuff and the unopened bottle of shampoo and conditioner that I found as well as towels, wash rags, and sheets from around the house. When I staggered outside, fighting with a persistent and annoying fly, it was to find Jax quickly picking up some packets from the ground where he'd dropped them. When I realized what they were I must have made some kind of sound because Jaxed jumped and looked up.

He stood slowly and said, "I … uh … found these in the nightstand. I … I promised I'd take care of you."

I just nodded. Carefully he asked, "Are you upset?"

Carrying stuff down to load it into the truck and wagon I told him, "No. But I don't want you to think I'm like Darlene or your mom. It's just that I'm … I'm not even … I mean … things are … and no doctors … and …"

"Hey," he said stepping close and taking the bags out of my hands. "It's OK. Really. I love Kelly but I'm not ready to make her a sister. But …"

"But?" I asked hesitantly.

After putting the bags into the wagon he slowly wrapped in a hug. "But if it happens, I want you to be the one I do it with. If it doesn't happen, I still want it to be you. Are … are you OK with that?"

I relaxed into his arms and responded, "Yes."

Our mutual deep, soul searching gaze was shattered by "Hug! Daddy I wanna hug too!"

He sighed and I grinned as we broke apart. Jax went to Kelly and I went on to the next trailer. That one was about in the same shape as the first except that the kids were a little older, both of them boys, and the décor and belongings reflected a different lifestyle. Less eclectic messy-minimalist and more Field & Stream. Sports, hunting, and fishing equipment was to be found in organized storage containers but it also spilled into odd corners of the living spaces. For instance, instead of brooms in the broom closet in the kitchen there were bows and quivers of arrows, a couple of canoe paddles, and fishing rods.

The dad and Jax must have been similar in size because we found a good winter coat for Jax (Dad's was a little short in the arms for him) as well as some other gear, even some unopened packages of socks and men's underwear. Dad wore boxers that Mom sewed for him but Jax was used to his tidy whities and was happy to find his brand.

It wasn't just the broom closet that was different. The kitchen cabinets held all manner of instant powdered sports drinks, bottles of the same type liquid, a couple of cases of Coors and a local favorite from the Yazoo Brewing Company, several cases of Beanee Weenies and Vienna Sausages, several eight packs of the high-test energy drinks, and several containers of individually wrapped junk food.

"Don't bother with the junk food," Jax told me.

Irritated by a recalcitrant can of roast beef and gravy that had rolled out of the cabinet and nearly dented my skull I said, "Not that I was going to, but why not?"

I pulled out a couple of cans of powdered eggs – the kind you make liquid protein drinks from – while Jax stopped to answer, "We found it was stale ninety percent of the time." Then he gave me a mischievous smile as he saved me from another kamikaze can and said, "Besides, your homemade chips taste way better."

His comment was punctuated by a rather large stomach growl that drove my irritation away leaving me laughing at the embarrassed look on his face. I asked, "Is that a hint that you're getting hungry and want what is in that picnic basket in the truck?"

He gave me a goofy, hopeful look and I laughed again as he'd meant me to. So my first foray into scavenging was briefly interrupted by feeding Jax and Kelly chicken salad on homemade wheat bread, home canned pickle spears, and homemade potato chips.

"You know," Jax said. "I bet some of the kids in town would give a body part to be able to eat like this."

I snorted, "They're gonna lose a body part if they keep eating like they are. I hope somebody realizes that they are in need of a better plan than living off of the contents of what was left in the local wallyworld."

"Wasn't anything left in that store after the government got through with it. Most of what they are eating has been scavenged from people's houses and the school cafeteria." He sighed regretfully. "Back to work."

I poked him and said, "Slave driver."

Jax looked like he didn't know whether to laugh or not. "Uh …"

I rolled my eyes. "Honestly. What do you take me for? Some hyper sensitive drama queen? I was joking for Pete's sake."

Jax gave a forced laugh but looked like he was trying to just go with the flow. To prove to him I had just been kidding I told him, "I'm gonna go start on the next trailer while you finish up here if that's OK."

"Sure!" he said, seeming pretty interested in getting back on an even keel. It made me wonder just what kind of females he had dealt with in the past not that I wanted to think about that too hard.

Bump key was employed yet again but when it went in this time I immediately noticed a much mustier, nastier smell than had been in the previous two trailers. The smell was kind of familiar yet not; reminded me a bit of the inside of an old barn or a compost pile that had gone sour. I covered my nose with my hand and stepped into the front room of the trailer. Looking down the hall I could tell the baseboards were totally disgusting … back then I would have said majorly gross. I was almost certain that this particular domicile was a bust but decided to take a good look just to make sure.

Now I am not squeamish at all which has its good points and its bad. I firmly believe that God builds personal radars into each human, just too few of us actually take the time to cultivate and use them. In other words the smell didn't deter me and it should have.

Down the hall I went casually glancing in the utility room then the bathroom then I got to the bedroom. At first glance what I was seeing didn't compute. The input was so beyond what I had expected to see that it was just part of the tapestry and didn't make sense. Then my brain started accepting the data input.

Queen sized bed. The bed is messy. The sheets on the bed are strangely stiff and discolored. Wait … the bed is occupied, but by what? The bed is not occupied by a stuffed animal. No, definitely not a stuffed animal. Ew. There are dead flies all over what occupies the bed. Then my brain completed the circuit.

Slowly the scream tried to build but I kept tamping it down. The more I tamped it down though the more out of control the emotions that had created that jailed scream became as there was no outlet for the surge of adrenaline that was dumped into my system. When the spider crawled out of what remained of the corpse's nose I finally lost it. I turned to run and tripped and hit the door frame and fell to the floor and that is when I well and truly freaked out.

I lifted my hand and there was a dried spider body crunched and sticking to my sweaty palm. I shook it off in disgust but as I looked down onto the floor I saw that while there were more curled up dead spiders, there were more than plenty of live ones; the floor literally crawled with the number that were in there … and there were several already using me as a jungle gym.

I flew out of that trailer so fast that I fell down the front stairs. Even before I was standing up I was yanking off my shirt and doing some mad dance trying to see everywhere on my body at once.

"Lydie?!"

Jax spotted me and came running but all I could do was blubber in hysteria, "Get them off of me!"

The words had no sooner left my mouth than I felt a small, painful pinch on my hand. I screamed and started shaking the spider off. It was easily recognizable as one of my worst enemies … a parson spider. Then I felt another pinch and then another.

I was screaming and crying at that point and jumping around so much that Jax didn't know what was going on. "Get them off me! Get them off me!"

I started stripping and in no time I was down to my bra and panties.

"Lydie! Stop! What are you doing?!" He didn't know whether to laugh at my antics or take me seriously. In hindsight I really don't blame him. I must have made quite a sight and as soon as he realized I was really scared he grabbed my arms to hold me still long enough to make sense out of what I wasn't saying.

"Spiders!" I finally blubbered. "Hundreds of them … thousands … maybe more. Oh God …"

He gave a small hesitant chuff of disbelief and said, "I know you hate spiders but …"

"Not hate! I'm allergic. They bit me … and there's a dead body in there and one came out of the nose and …" I was so upset the lunch I had just eaten decided to come right back up and I ran to the bushes for a little projectile vomiting.

When I was through he picked up my shirt to put it back on me but I squealed and backed away. "Check it! They were in there!"

It took another moment of him talking me down off of my hysteria but finally he managed to get me sitting on a blanket by the truck. Looking me over he said, "Yeah, it looks like they got you in a couple of places. I remember you said that mostly they just swell up and try to get infected. Are you sure that's all?"

I snuffled miserably. "I've … I've never been bitten this many times at once. God, look at my hand and wrist already. I'm going to be useless."

He sighed and asked, eHH"Can you sit here by yourself a minute. I'm just going to go look in the trailer."

"Why?! Don't you believe me?!" I whined.

"Of course I do!" he told me, obviously amazed that I would think anything else. "But I'm not just going to walk away when you've been so traumatized. And I need to make sure what kind of spider it was."

"Spiders. As in plural. As in more than one. As in there is a whole flaming necropolis of the things in there!" Nearly as pitiful as Kelly I said, "Don't go."

Of course he did. And he came out almost as quick as I had. "Stay put. There were some bug bombs in that first trailer and I'm going to set them off. No way am I going to let those suckers get away with scaring the crap out of you like that."

I wanted to tell him just burn it down but as I was calming down my normal commonsense was reasserting itself. He came back out of the trailer hacking a little from setting the bombs off but he closed the door firmly and then looked at it a moment in satisfaction. I couldn't help but smile. When he came over to check on me again I said, "My hero."

Seeing that I was finally completely calm he said, "You sure you're OK?"

I sniffed. "I feel stupid. I'm just glad Kelly was asleep and didn't witness my nervous breakdown." Then a struck thought me and I squeaked, "Oh no, oh no … they could get her! We have to …"

I never finished because he was wrapping me in one of the clean sheets and said, "Not gonna happen. I sprayed the ground around the playpen with insect repellent even before I put her in it."

"Oh. Good," I said in relief.

He sighed. "The ones on your back are starting to look puffy too."

I sniffed again even more dejectedly. "I know, I can feel them."

He pulled out some antibiotic ointment from the first aid kit I had tossed in the truck cab and starting with the bite on my hand and wrist and working up the arm until he got to the ones on my back he rubbed in the ointment to try and head off infection. I startled him when I shuddered and asked, "Where is my head at?"

"Huh? Lydie … uh …"

Feeling a little nauseous I told him, "Not literally I mean I'm not thinking. That's stupid. In that plastic container there is a little jar of turmeric and then there was also a bottle of olive oil. I need them." When he looked at me carefully I nearly snapped but managed to hold it back just in time. Instead I calmly explained, "I'm not going nuts … just get them for me. Please. I'll show you what my mother did when I would get bit as a kid."

After he found and brought the items to me I scooped some of the golden yellow powder into a piece of plastic wrap that I had used to wrap the sandwiches in and then added just enough olive oil to it to make a paste. I looked at Jax who was watching with interest and told him, "Don't you dare laugh."

He shook his head. "After what I saw in that trailer the last thing I'm in the mood for is laughing."

I nodded and then proceed to paint my spider bites with the resulting mustardy paste and then tape a square of gauze in place to hold it there. Being a good sport Jax did the ones on my back but I noticed that he was touching a whole lot of me a little unnecessarily. When he was finished neither one of us was breathing very well. "You feeling any better?" he asked huskily.

I fanned my overwarm face and told him, "I don't know if better is the word for it but … but I'm starting …" But it was too late, the bites were winning again. "I just need to stay put for a few minutes Jax."

He realized I wasn't really talking about what he'd been doing and that I really wasn't feeling too well. "OK. I think we are just about done here. I'm going to go check that last trailer to see if it is worth coming back some other time and then we are out of here."

I grabbed his arm and told him, "If there's anything in there, let's just finish it up."

Going all protective he said, "Not the way you're looking."

I shook my head. "I'm just shook up and feeling like an idiot, but I'll be fine as soon as I get my feet back in under me."

He made some noncommittal noise and then went over to the trailer and broke in with as little trouble as I had; Dad had taught him the same trick. I kind of zoned and came around when I realized he was carry some boxes out of the trailer.

He smiled when I smiled at him and said, "Avon Lady."

That made no sense. "Huh?"

Using his head to nod back towards the trailer as he sat the boxes in the back of the truck he said, "Person who lived there either sold Avon or she was a shopaholic. Maybe both. You should see all the stuff in there."

I had a little trouble standing up but it was more the sheet getting in my way than anything else. I sighed. "I need my clothes. Did you check them over?"

"Yeah … but some of the enemy are squished on the inside. You don't want to wear them until they've been washed."

I shuddered, "Maybe never."

He grinned and handed me what looked like a frilly muumuu. "It still has the tags on it … most of the clothes in there do … and I thought it looked about the right size."

Grumbling a bit, "How could you tell? There's enough fabric here for three dresses."

"At least it gets you all covered up." He gave me a lecherous look and said, "On second thought …"

I would have shaken my head except I felt all stiff and sore. "Oh give me the thing so we can get this finished up before Kelly wakes up."

When I got a look at the inside of that trailer I realized that was wishful thinking. It was unreal … like the owner must have had a hoarding dysfunction as well as an addiction to shopping. I looked at Jax and said, "Just tell me there isn't a person buried under all this stuff."

He sighed and kissed the top of my head. "I'm sorry you had to see that back there. We saw … uh … the fresher versions when those people from DHS made us help clean the town of bodies. It wasn't pleasant."

I shuddered, "Let's not talk about it." Looking around I said, "I don't even know where to start."

From experience he said, "From the back and move forward."

It could have been worse but we finally developed a pretty good system. All non-breakables that we wanted to bring back went into garbage bags. It went faster after we had emptied the first room of everything we wanted. In the next room we were able to move stuff that we didn't take to the room we had just finished. Food – of which there was a surprising amount, some of it gourmet or unusual but most of it simply in the forms of bulk packaging – went into plastic storage tubs we took out of the "box room."

We called it that although in reality it was supposed to have been the utility area; however, instead of a washer and dryer it had stacks upon stacks of those plastic storage tubs with the snap lids all nested together by size and color. The hallway bathroom was full of plastic milk crates and soda crates. We were running out of room and I thought we were going to have to come back when Jax asked, "Take one more look to see if there is anything you want. If not I'm willing to declare this salvage job officially over."

Dutifully I walked around but wasn't much feeling any kind of triumph or accomplishment. I don't know if it was the spider bites or what but I had started to feel depressed. Or maybe it was just the atmosphere of lonely desperation that the trailer owner must have felt … looking for fulfillment and meaning but finding only more loneliness as her addiction and dysfunction cut her off even more from society. "I'm done."

Sensing my mood he said, "You're done and done in. I'll drive back. Let's just get Kelly and go home."

It seemed to take more time that necessary to load Kelly and her accoutrements into the truck. I was dragging, not at all looking forward to unloading everything. I was also in pain and trying not to let Jax know just how bad I was feeling but we had no sooner turned onto the road back to the house when I had to tell him, "Stop the truck. I'm gonna be sick."


	16. New Geek Empire Part 13

_**The New Geek Empire Part 13**_

"Lydie … I … these still look bad."

"Maybe, but they don't feel as bad as they did. Using that venom extractor was a great idea. Where did you hear about it?"

Jax answered, "The wife of the trainer that taught an entry level class I took at the community college was severely allergic to most insect stings and bites. He said the extractor and an epi pen are the two things that she is … was I guess … never without. They had several in their house and one in each car plus she always had one in her purse. ( product/407144/sawyer-extractor-pump-kit ) I know they are meant primarily for snake bites but …" He shrugged. "I figured it couldn't hurt."

"Well, you just saved me from days of misery. I know the scabbing looks a little on the gross side but I'm feeling a lot better than I expected to be."

He gave me one of the most serious looks he'd ever given me. "You aren't trying to hide anything are you?"

I sighed. "I apologized for that already didn't I? It's just embarrassing to have someone watching me chuck up my guts while I looked like the creature from the black lagoon. I didn't mean to wake you up, I just wanted to puke in peace. You have to admit that the swelling in my face and on my hand was pretty disgusting."

"It scared the hell out of me is what it did. Lay back down and I'll paint you yellow again. You just promise me that you won't try and hide anything like that again. I'm not going to fall apart just because you're sick you know. I know it isn't much but I've got some training; certainly enough not to freak out."

I was still sore and groaned as I pulled my night gown over my head and laid on the bed face down. A bra was impossible for me to wear, heck I could barely tolerate a shirt at first. When the counting was done I had almost two dozen spider bites on various parts of me, most of them running from my neck, to my shoulder, and then down my back although my hand and wrist had a few as well. As a result of my discomfort and the fact that Jax had to help me treat the bites we came to an unspoken agreement; I would set my modesty aside for a while but he wouldn't take advantage of anything he saw. When the spider bites were healed enough we'd go back to figuring the rest of it out though my mother would have said that was like trying to shut the barn door after the cows had already gotten out.

The preceding couple of days had not been fun for either one of us but we were almost through it. I figured another day or two and I'd be as close to one hundred percent as I was going to be for a bit. Out of the blue I had an idea. "Jax, next time I'm going to wear a long sleeve shirt and then pull the long gloves that Mom used to work in the roses over my shirt sleeves. Then I'll duct tape them on so no spider can sneak in. I'll tuck my jean inside my socks for the same purpose."

"Next time?" he snorted. "Next time I'll find a couple of bug bombs and pop them in the building and we come back the next day."

I shook my head but gently; my neck still felt bruised and stiff. "I might let you go in first to see if things are really gross but the rest of it isn't necessary. I've dealt with spiders here at home, in the barn, all over my whole life. I've just never …" I gulped back an acid laced burp. "That was just plain gross Jax. But Dad said sometimes the only saving grace to a problem is the lesson you learn … and boy did I learn a lesson. Hopefully when the cold comes it will kill off the worst infestations of buggy type critters. Until then I'll just use the same precautions I take for ticks … which is what I should have done instead of dressing like I was going to the lake for a shore party."

The look on his face at the time told me we'd probably have this conversation again at least once and over time we had it several more times than once. But at the time, and even now looking back, even if it was annoying on one hand, on the other had it was nice having someone care about me again. Oh, I know how that sounds which is why I would have never said it like that then … or now. But it just reinforced the rightness of searching for a clan … a family … of my own. Looking back over the years with added maturity I can see how on the ragged edge I had been but I didn't know that then though there was to come a time when I would have to learn that lesson all over again.

While we all waited for me to get my full strength back – getting too hot or too tired made my allergic symptoms come back a little which told Jax that I still had some infection that my body was fighting off – we started putting things in the root cellar. I started by having Jax use the garden fork to dig up a row of onions at a time. I would then lay them out for a day or two to cure and then I would braid the tops and hang them in the root cellar. ( /learn-and-grow/braiding-onions-and-garlic ). I did the same thing to the garlic. For some of the onions that wouldn't store quite as long as I either put them in the dryer for making onion powder or dried chopped onions; or, I would hang onions in pantyhose.

Now I know for some folks hanging onions in pantyhose sounds fairly disgusting but they do the same thing today only with that high-tech mesh that can be bought on the roll from the organic feed supply. Back in the old days what we would do is push a large onion down to the "toe" of the pantyhose then you'd tie a knot above the onion. Push another onion down to the knot you had just made and then make another knot above that onion. Continue on until both the legs of the pantyhose was full and use the "body" part of the hose to loop over a convenient hook or nail. When you'd need an onion you would simply cut the bottom one off and the knot above it would keep the rest of the onions until next time.

My favorite onion of all was the heirlooms left over from my great grandparents' time. They are called Egyptian Walking Onions and I tell you that I still have those suckers to this day. Not the same onions of course but generations down from the same onions that my great grandparents were planting even before my dad went to live with them. I love the topsets that make and since they are a perennial I have onions just about all year long.

In September most of the potatoes that came from the garden would be used fresh, it was the October potatoes that would be put into storage. The one thing you have to remember is that you don't store onions and potatoes together. I keep a crate of potatoes down in the root cellar well away from the onions but most of the onions had their own underground storage. It was the same with the apples; I would keep a crate in the root cellar and then a shelf of the prettiest ones for company or gifts, but the remainder had their own little apple shed that they shared with the pears.

And on it went; beets, cabbage, carrots, cucumbers (brined for pickles), pumpkins, winter squash, and sweet potatoes each had their place in the root cellar. Off of the fruit cellar was the room that was used to store all of the glass jars of home canned foods. I caught Jax down there with Kelly one time and he was showing her each jar and telling her what was in it. He didn't know I was listening and I overheard him tell her, "Look Bumble Bee, you are gonna learn to do this."

"Uh huh, uh huh Daddy … I gonna learn."

"That's right Baby. And when you learn to do this you'll never have to worry about starving. Lydie is gonna teach us both how to do this."

"Now Daddy! Now!"

He just laughed. I knew one of these days that "Now Daddy, now!" was gonna wear thin but for a while Jax was just happy that he had found a good place to raise his daughter. And I was just happy that that place happened to be with me.

Eventually we did go looking at the other empty houses but there wasn't anything spectacular in them. Most of them were empty or just shells but we did take the glass windows out of a couple and the sliders out of them as well. We managed to get them all back home without cracking too which was a feat in and of itself considering how the roads were.

"Jax, could you help me hook up the box blade and then the chains?"

A sweaty but triumphant Jax asked, "Why?"

"Wha …" I had to stop and laugh and pull out all the hay that was sticking in his hair. "What are you doing?!"

"I got all those bales moved so we can bring in the stuff from out in the field. And before you start complaining about hauling it up into the loft I was able to replace the broken block and tackle with one we got from the mill."

Well that deserved a kiss and he smiled but kinda looked like I'd hit him in the head with something big and heavy. He finally shook it off and asked me again, "Why do you need the box blade?"

"I want to smooth out the road a little bit out near the highway. I thought we had damaged an axle that last trip in."

When he got all thoughtful I knew he had something on his mind. "OK, why don't you want me to use the box blade."

"It's not that I don't want you to."

"But?"

He shrugged. "But … I'm thinking making things look too nice might be inviting trouble we don't need to."

"Trouble how?"

"With all the roads looking rough having a nicely kept section is like a welcome mat and there is likely quite a few people in the world right now we don't necessarily want to invite in."

I couldn't deny he was right. I heard the radio same as he did. Communications would build up and then wane. Sometimes it sounded military but most of the time it was obviously not. But of the obviously not flavor there were some scary words being bandied about … rape, fire bombs, lynchings, etc. Yes, Jax made a very good point.

"OK, no road work, or at least not much. I still want to fill in that one hole and try and shore up that place in the drive near the gully; if we don't we might have trouble getting in and out over the winter."

"Assuming we want to get in and out. What do you think about going over everything we have here and then making a list of items we'd like to have. I know there are places in town that Matt and the other kids hadn't hit yet and it might be a good idea to get it done now."

Looking back I certainly couldn't fault his logic. There is just no way we could have known where it all would lead.


	17. New Geek Empire Part 14

_**The New Geek Empire Part 14**_

"Jax, please don't take this like I'm … I don't know … questioning you or anything," I said feeling hesitant to say anything and possibly wreck things between us. "But why do we really need to go armed like we're about to fight the Battle of the Bulge?"

I underestimated Jax; his ego was not near as sensitive has Matt's had always been. He sighed and said, "I know what it looks like Lydie; trust me, I've got eyes. If I start to over think it I start thinking that I might be overreacting. I'm just trying to be careful and think ahead. I never understood why your dad always insisted on taking the big panel truck with all the supplies out into the field if the maintenance order only listed one particular piece of broken equipment or one particular problem. It would have been a whole lot simpler and quicker to get the little truck into some of those places we squeaked into. But after a while I stopped asking. You know why?"

I shook my head and fed him the answer he expected. "No."

"Because more than half the time if we had only taken the equipment that we thought we would need we would have had to turn around and go get something else from the shop before we could finish the job. Your dad always said it's better to be safe than sorry." He shrugged. "I don't know for certain that we'll need the equipment in the truck bed or all the ammo and weapons we are carrying but I would hate to need them and not have them and make it a wasted trip if not worse."

I nodded and said, "OK." Then feeling somehow that wasn't enough, Ieaned in and gave him a hug even though he was sweaty and smelled pretty whiffy. "Jax, when I ask it is because I want to know, not because I'm … you know … questioning your competence or whatever."

We both sat under the big maple in the front yard that provided a huge amount of shade and kept the house from roasting when it was hot. I had a basket of herbs I was tying into bundles to hang in the drying shed while Jax was drinking some sweet mint tea to cool off from changing the oil and checking the brakes, hoses, and belts on the two trucks we were taking on the town run the following night. Kelly was strapped into a swing learning to make it go by herself but kept getting distracted as she sucked on her sippy cup.

Jax took another pull on his drink before setting it down and leaning over to help me finish bundling things before the plants wilted in the unseasonably warm weather. "Lydie, if I asked you a … uh … couple of questions do you … well do you trust me enough to answer them honestly? If you don't or can't I'd rather you just not say anything at all than to just tell me something because you think that is what I want to hear."

A little unsure where he was going I told him, "Ask … I mean it isn't like we haven't been living cheek by jowl for over a month and you've … well … seen it all as it were." I added the last bit and then felt hot all over but I wasn't sure if it was because I was embarrassed or because more and more Jax made me feel that way.

He reached out a hand then jerked it back before wiping it on a rag he had half stuffed in his pocket. He reached out again and pushed the stray curls behind my ears that seemed to escape my braids no matter how tightly I wove them. "That was different, you didn't really have a lot of choice. I wish it'd been a different way but don't ask me to regret what I saw … 'cause I don't. You're beautiful."

That turned the heat up a few notches right there but then he surprised me by going back to tying the herbs with me and asking, "I know how Matt can be Lydie. He's the smartest guy I know but he … I don't know … he couldn't handle people questioning him, especially if it seemed like they were questioning his intelligence. My uncle was kinda the same way so he came by it honest but it was only about his job or that subject matter. With Matt it was …" I could tell that Jax was trying to be careful with his words. "It was anything that made him feel stupid, even when there was no reason to feel stupid. My aunt and Matt's sisters used to tease him but after a while they simply ignored him. I saw him go off the deep end once … and once was all it took for them to learn to leave him alone. His sisters made a fool out of him in front of a few of their friends that were over. Matt … well, no one can actually prove it or had the nerve to ask him … but I'm pretty sure that it was Matt that set those two girls up by taking pictures of them with a couple of guys at a frat party they were at and when the video got leaked all over …"

I remembered the incident – a small town scandal – but was shocked to realize that Matt might have had something to do with it. Then on second thought I realized I suddenly just wasn't. "That was last year wasn't it?" Jax nodded. "I didn't know anything about it. I … geez if I had known …"

"Matt's pretty good about only letting people know what he wants them to know. He mostly ignored me because he didn't think I mattered. I was just the cousin that had screwed up. As a result I saw things that other people might have missed. He … I'm not saying he was crazy or bad … he just wasn't really who he let people think he was most of the time. I used to wonder if you knew but then realized there was no way you would have been able to act the way you did; it's one of the reasons I haven't brought it up til now."

I sighed and wanted to hang my head or walk away and go off by myself but there was work to do. "So if you're asking if I was in on it? The stuff with those girls at that party? No. Matt's sisters could be … they could be nasty pieces of work when they wanted to be but that was just cattiness because they were spoiled by their mother. I figured what goes around would eventually come around for them. Maybe if I had been their target more often I would feel differently – I was never close enough to being one of the pretty ones – to catch their notice or get in their way. I'm not even sure if they knew that Matt and I were … well whatever it was we were supposed to be. Lately I don't even know if the boyfriend/girlfriend stuff was just all in my imagination."

Jax shook his head. "No." He snorted and shook his head again.

"What?"

"Matt had a picture of you inside his closet. He had a lot of pictures of you on the inside of his closet door but he had one that was enlarged and framed and his sisters knew that to touch it would have been … uh … a bad choice."

I choked on some spit I was swallowing. "What?!"

"You won some big science quiz club thing or other and went to the finals in Nashville."

My mouth fell open and my nostrils flared enough that I could have taken flight more than likely. "Gross! I know that picture! Ahhhh! He had it enlarged? And framed?! I was fourteen years old … I … I … I think I'm just gonna die! I'm gonna die of total embarrassment right here and now!"

Kelly looked over at my antics and thought they were funny because she started giggling and clapping at my performance. Jax had learned to take my occasional need to turn drama queen in stride and waited me out. He finally asked, "You through yet?"

I sighed, silently agreeing that it was too hot to be foolish. "I suppose. But that picture was really horrible. It was taken right after the end of the last round and by then my hair had done its springy best to go every which direction, I was covered in right on wipe off marker where we kept going up to the board to work proofs, and I sounded suspiciously like Donald Duck because I still had my teeth wired from where I'd had to have some dental work done. That has to be the worst picture I've ever taken. You might has well have hung a sign on me that said Geeks R Us."

"The teeth thing was from where the guy swinging on the rope in the gym was playing Tarzan and kicked you in the mouth? I heard it was because he swung too hard and went into the bleachers."

"You heard about that? Geez, it was so embarrassing."

"Relax and don't have another cow; it's too hot," he said wiping sweat off his face. "I got to see it, blood and all because I was still in school back then remember? The ambulance made a nice break from Mrs. Cridlebaugh's English midterm. Sinjin was blubbering so loud you could hear him on the third floor even with the windows shut. Found out later he was positive that he was a dead man walking; if it wasn't the Coach or Dean that was gonna kill him, it was gonna be your dad, and if none of them then it was gonna be his dad for hitting a girl."

"Sinjin better be glad he scared himself so bad that he let go of the rope and landed on his head and busted it wide open or I woulda been the one that killed him oh so dead. I nearly did it anyway after I found out how long my mouth was gonna be wired shut." Jax was looking everywhere trying not to smile. "Oh alright. Go ahead and have your laugh. You try having your mouth wired completely closed for weeks on end. To this day the sight of a straw sends me into PTSD."

That did it, Jax busted out laughing. When he finally got himself under control he said, "I think what impressed everyone so much is that Sinjin had managed to knock six of your teeth out, break your jaw, knock you out, and when you came to you still didn't cry … not a single tear from what any of us could tell."

I shrugged a little at the memory. "Oh I wanted to, believe me. Just Sinjin wasn't the only one that was scared my dad was gonna kill him. I figured me crying would only make things worse and things were already pretty bad at that point. Will had just taken … taken a turn for the worse and our whole family was … was pretty frayed around the edges."

Regretfully Jax said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up bad times."

I tried to shrug it off and told him, "That's when we learn the most about ourselves. I had overheard the doctors talking to Mom and Dad about a bone marrow transplant and the risks and everything. It was looking more and more like that was Will's only chance. But it would mean … it would mean a lot for me too. I didn't know whether I was strong enough or brave enough to do it. But Sinjin's stupid Tarzan stunt taught me I wasn't near as scared of the pain as I thought I was. I was more frightened of losing my brother and was using the fear of physical pain to avoid the thought of the emotional pain."

He gave me a knowing look. "Now that sounds like a psychologist talking. Didn't you mention the school had you see one to deal with the stress?"

"Nope," I told him with a smile of fond remembrance. "They kept telling my parents that I should see one but Mom had this thing against that sort of thing and would freak out at the very mention of it. She thought they'd want to stick me on antidepressants and stuff like that. My personal "shrink" was the janitor lady at the hospital. She must have mopped up more messes in a week than most people see in a lifetime but she always did it with a smile. You know, everyone is always talking about the doctors or the nurses but you know what I found out while my brother was sick for all those years? It is a team effort; no one member of the hospital team is more important than anyone else. The doctors may call the plays but it takes everyone else to make sure they happen. And of all those people, Mrs. Bell – that was the janitor lady - was the one that made me realize that I didn't have to be afraid … of the hospital, the procedures … or even to love my brother." I looked off toward where Nashville was … or at least where it used to be last time I'd heard … and told him, "It hurt so bad when Will died … when all of them died … but it would have hurt worse to have had them die and me regretting I'd never been brave enough to love them because I'd been too afraid of being hurt. Sometimes you have to take a chance even when you never know what tomorrow might bring."

I turned to look at him and even if my eyes were full of unshed tears he got the message. We both kind of cleared our voices and went back to tying the herbs up. We might have been thinking things but there was work to be done and a little girl that still had a long way to go before it was her bed time. I finally asked, "What was it you wanted to talk about before I went off in a different direction?"

He sighed, "I don't know whether …"

"Jax, just ask. Nothing is going to change how I feel."

He sighed, "That's good to know, real good to know. I've been trying to ask but I haven't been sure … look, I'm sure I know that you and Matt … never …" He stopped and shook his head to clear it. "I'm am sure and do believe you when you say you and Matt never had a lot of … let's just call it alone time because frankly I'm not comfortable thinking about you and Matt doing anything else."

"Well, you don't have to be uncomfortable because there never was anything much less anything else if you catch my drift. You know Matt had this … this touch phobia kind of thing. I used to pretend that I didn't want my parents to get the wrong idea if they heard something but the truth is I got tired of being the reason Matt carried wetnaps and hand sanitizer in his pocket so I stopped trying to … encourage him in that way. A girl's ego can only take so much."

"He doesn't have that problem now." He winced. "That … that didn't come out …"

I smiled to let him know there were no hard feelings. "I kinda noticed. So did you just need … like … assurances or something?"

"No," he said shaking his head. "I … I just notice how you sometimes seem hesitant to … I don't know what to call it exactly. You just seem afraid that I'm going to bite your head off if you ask me something. I … uh … thought … well wondered to be honest … if … uh … look, Matt never hurt your or anything did he?"

"No!" Moderating my voice I repeated, "No. But … no … I mean I know what you mean but he never … no … definitely not. I mean … look … I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression. Yes, Matt hurt my feelings but at the same time … I don't know … look how … how quickly … I mean … you … and how I feel … and …"

He finally put his hand over my mouth to stop the blabbering. "OK. I just wanted to make sure. Like I said I know Matt … could be …" He stopped and then sighed. "Matt could be a good guy but … I don't know … he could be pretty self-centered too. And my uncle … used to have problems with it … his temper … my uncle had problems with his own temper I mean. My uncle and aunt … they were separated for a while because of it and that's why there were several years between Matt and his sisters. Matt is a lot like his dad … so … I just felt I had to ask."

I sighed. "No, Matt never hit me or anything like that. He had a mean streak but it was never directed at me and never physical; he'd get people back in other ways. The only time I ever saw him get that way was like when someone would try and make him look … look stupid or something close to it. He hated that. But I guess you noticed that. He could ignore practical jokes, people being bullies, and a lot of things that bothered me but people that questioned his intelligence … that could make him mean. People that stroked his ego though … sometimes he didn't see he was being used. That's … that's what I thought my job was, to protect that part of him that didn't or couldn't see when he was being used." I sighed and then asked, "Can we change the subject? It's … it's not that … geez it just feels kind of weird talking about Matt to you. I don't have anything to hide, ask me anything you want, it's just … I don't know … Matt is in the past and … and you're not."

He smiled and said, "Sure. I understand the weirdness factor. I'm not sure … I mean talking about Darlene … I can do it if it comes up but I don't really want that stuff to be part of … you know … our … our …"

As he sputtered to a stop, lost how to describe things I said, "Dialogue?"

He thought about it and then said, "Yeah, I guess that's a good word for it. Like you said, that part of it is in the past and now I just want to move forward … with you … together I mean. I mean forward with you the other way too but ..." At my grin he grinned and then laughed at himself. "You know what I mean Lydie."

"Yes I do. But I also know you're trying to tell me that you might need to talk about Darlene when Kelly gets old enough to start asking. It's OK. It isn't going to freak me out." I had a thought then that almost took my breath away.

Jax must have sensed something because he asked, "What?"

I wasn't sure how to explain so I just said, "I'm … I'm thinking long term and it isn't freaking me out. I mean … with you. I mean … you know … Kelly growing up and us still being …" I was almost afraid to put it into words.

He caught me off guard by leaning towards me and kissing me. Then he pulled back and said, "Still being … yeah, I like that too … I like it a lot."

The day wore on and we managed to get quite a few chores done and by the end of it we were both very tired but Kelly just did not want to go to sleep. Then she started to get cranky and pull on her ear which kind of put the kibosh on Jax and I doing much more than trying to figure out how to take care of her. Finally we were both exhausted and I turned to him and asked, "Has she ever been like this before?"

"Yeah, every time she gets more than one new tooth at a time. I thought she only had one coming in but I guess …"

He was so tired … so was I but he'd been working really hard in the heat all day. "Jax, I promise I'm not going to hurt Kelly but you have to let me try something."

"What?" he asked so tired that he sounded desperate and depressed.

"I'm going to clean out her ears a little bit with some peroxide in case there is any infection in there and then I'm going to put a little warm oil to soothe her."

He gave me a bleary look and asked, "Oil her ears? She isn't squeaking. It … it won't hurt her will it?"

Shaking my head at the fact that he was so tired he was getting silly I told him, "No Jax, it won't hurt her. I swear."

Soon enough it was done. The peroxide didn't bubble so there was no infection in the ear canal and within thirty minutes of the oil going into her ear she stopped fussing enough that her fatigue let her go to sleep. Jax and I both laid her in her bed and then we turned and looked at each other. Neither one of us said anything but from that night forward we were totally committed together and a real family though it was still a while before Jax and I could fully act on part of it. That night all we had the energy to do was fall across the bed, half dressed, to grab what sleep we could because the next night we were scheduled to go to town.


	18. New Geek Empire Part 15

_**The New Geek Empire Part 15**_

I woke at my usual early hour and had to untangle from Jax … literally untangle; my braids were stuck under one of his shoulders where he had rolled over on them and he was draped over the rest of me like I was some kind of body pillow. Despite appearances I wasn't going to read too much into it since nothing but some serious sleeping had occurred. We were both still fully dressed; and besides, I'd seen him do the same thing to his bed covers. When I finally managed to get loose he barely registered me leaving which told me he was truly exhausted because except on rare occasions he was nearly as light a sleeper as I was … and still am to this day. I left him and Kelly to sleep a while longer while I got the day started.

I loved the quiet of early morning before everything started dragging on me telling me I had work to do. It was peaceful and I tried to enjoy those few minutes as much as possible. To save time I had baked a whole bunch of bacon and cheese cornmeal muffins the day before and I'd also boiled about a dozen eggs. Some would be eaten for breakfast but I planned on the rest of them going into our picnic dinner basket. I wondered briefly, as I had several times before, if Matt or any of the others had managed to jury rig some kind of refrigeration or whether they had to make do the best they could.

Jax had said Matt and the rest of the crew had been trying to design and build a solar refrigerator but they were having trouble getting the chemical reaction they needed. I remember him asking me, "Got the foggiest idea what Matt was trying to build?"

I smirked, "Sure. And so do you."

Giving me a suspicious and slightly irritated look at my smirk he asked, "I do?"

"Yep. Where do you think our ice comes from? How do you think we have what amounts to a cold cellar beneath the house?"

"That lens gadget you were all but cussing about when that limb fell and knocked the frame?"

I nodded. "The very same. And don't act like you are dumb because I know you are not. Matt probably just kept it as secret as he could or tried to make it sound a lot more complicated than it was; of course you know what he is like and probably figured that out for yourself. Just like you know good and well what that lens is for and why I was so upset when that limb hit its frame."

I looked at him like a kid I had caught trying to pull a fast one in the nursery. He shrugged and gave me a small smirk. "OK … I'm busted. Yeah, I figured out that lens was heating that pipe that holds the refrigerant but I didn't know it ran the ice maker. I thought that was pulling juice from the solar system."

"Nope, the cooler is more passive and doesn't really pull 'juice.' Dad said we had a finite amount of electricity we could store and the more passive systems we could put in place the less we'd have to spread that electricity out to too many things pulling on it." I handed him a plate to put in the cabinet for me and continued. "The ice maker is just icing on the cake of the passive cooling system so to speak. It is like a cycle that feeds on itself. Once we built the solar cooler and got the room to cool down we used the coldest part of the room to freeze two-liter bottles of water. The more frozen two-liter bottles there were the larger the 'freezer' section became. Since the Fresnel lens only cycles once a day on a sunny day Dad wanted to come up with a way so that the whole system didn't have to work so hard and would retain the cold it had created during the day when it was off at night or on days there wasn't enough sun to get the system to cycle. During the day the refrigerant is the cooling agent but only has to cool a smaller and smaller space as the cooler itself is kept full with as much frozen stuff as possible. At night the temperature is maintained by the frozen water bottles and other cold items in that room giving off their coolness. We have a pretty good equilibrium now."

Confirming his understanding he said, "That's why you are so careful about how much goes in and how much comes out of the cooler at any given point."

I nodded. "Pretty much. Too much warm stuff going in there at one time will force the system work harder and take longer to return to the stable temperature I like to keep it in there – you notice half the room is a "cooler" and the other half nearer the coils is the "freezer" – but removing cold stuff and leaving a gap of air would have the same basic effect by adding air mass that the refrigerant system would need to cool."

Thinking about that conversation only made me even more suspicious about how Jax would sometimes play at being a dumb good ol' boy. I hadn't the foggiest idea why he hid it but he was a lot smarter than he sometimes let on. He may not have been as academically brilliant as Matt but he was no slouch in the brain department. Dad used to say that Jax would make a good replacement for his job when he decided to retire and work on the home place full time. All he needed was some training and a teacher to show him how to think through problems instead of only relying on manuals and cookie cutter policies.

Putting my empty cup of tea in the sink I put the muffins to warm outside in the solar oven and then went out to take care of the animals. My morning chores always included making sure their feeders were full and that they had water for the day. When I was done with the rabbits I looked in on the chickens rolled my eyes at one of the less pleasing aspects of keeping the birds. All chickens like their protein but some chickens like to hunt it up more than others. Back then nothing gacked me out worse than trying to chase down the rooster after he had started running around with a mouse in his beak.

If you have never tried to take something from an ornery Rhode Island Red let me tell you it is no easy task. Stupid thing finally flew to the roof of the coop and just strutted back and forth with that mouse flopping around enough to be totally disgusting. "Ok fine Red, keep your nasty ol' mouse but I'm telling you right now that you are completely gross."

I was irritated and sweating and when I turned back to the house to get something to drink it was only to find Jax sitting on the steps feeding Kelly a muffin. Worse, he wasn't trying very hard to hide the smile on his face. I felt like throwing a bucket at him. "How long have you been sitting there?! I could have used some help you know."

With a laugh he told me, "Long enough to get the idea that there might be chicken and dumplings in our future."

"Humph! If that stupid rooster wasn't such a good mouser he'd been in the pot a long time ago. Problem is I know what he's been eating so the idea of eating him isn't what you would call appealing." I decided it was too hot to stay ticked off and instead said, "I swear, this weather is miserable. I don't ever remember it staying this warm this late in the season."

"It's been a while, that's a fact," he agreed. "But I think the humidity is the worst part. Want me to get you some breakfast?"

I shook my head and flopped on the stairs beside him. "No, I'm too hot to eat right now. I'm just gonna get me some apple juice and try and cool off." Before I could move he handed me an insulated cup with said cool, sweet liquid sloshing around inside. I thanked him and then took a long draw on it. After a moment I asked him, "Still want to leave right before dark sets in?"

"Uh huh. I want to time it so that by the time anyone from town might be on look out it will already be too late and too dark for them to see us coming in. I don't want to run with lights so you'll have to lead us in and I'll follow in trailing your running lights. First place I'd like to hit is the Feed Depot for sure but I'd also like to hit the tractor dealership next door and if there is time that craft store place that you mentioned for trying to get stuff to make Kelly some clothes with. Heck, I'd even like to squeeze the thrift store in there too if there is time. That's where I usually got Kelly's shoes and she needs new ones bad. I could list off a lot of places but those are the primary targets for tonight. The real question is are you still sure the animals will be ok if we leave them alone for two days running."

I nodded. "You built that automatic water station for the chickens and I'll put an extra bottle of water in each rabbit cage right before we leave. I'm more concerned about the heat though if this keeps up. We'll have to make sure that we leave the cross breeze shudders open on the barn but secure them so that predators can't get in. If you can finish that today then I'm sure that with the big fans going the animals will be fine. In fact, while you do that I'll finish pulling together our camping gear if it's all right."

"Need some help getting it out?" he asked.

"Nope. But I swear if I see one spider you might just be getting it out all on your lonesome. I'm in no mood to deal with those creepy crawly things."

He got a concerned look on his face and so I felt forced to say, "I'm kidding. C'mon Jax ... don't go all … I don't know … protective of me and stuff. That trailer business was a stupid mistake on my part. Done and over with. I'm gonna be packing bug killer in both holsters this time. Not to mention gloves and a hat and a shirt with a collar I can turn up." I shuddered.

He grabbed the railing and used it to stand up while holding Kelly. "Still … if we can find any more bug bombs while we are out I want to get them. They'll come in handy if we decide to do anymore salvaging. Who knows what kind of varmints have taken over things."

I rolled my eyes, "Which reminds me, I got a tick off of one of the rabbits this morning only I have no idea where it came from unless it dropped out of the hay we brought in. We need to make sure and check Kelly all over until the cold weather kicks in knocks the population back."

He gave me a goofy yet hopeful grin, "Do I get to check you all over for ticks too?"

I snorted, "You've been listening to too many old country songs again." But secretly I was thinking I might not mind getting checked over so long as it was by Jax … and wouldn't mind doing a little checking of my own.

We both got down to the day's business after that. First I got the camping gear out of the attic and sorted through it. It was just going to be a one-night trip and I tried not to be nervous about it but it would be the first night I had stayed away from home in a long time. And the circumstances of that trip were also way outside of what I was used to. I'd basically forced myself to accept salvaging those trailers and empty houses but going to the outskirts of town to simply take stuff from a business was making me nervous.

I know, I know … if we didn't take it someone else would. But even after all these years I've never quite been able to convince myself that wasn't just a rationalization for what we did … what a lot of people did. Yeah, it is called surviving; I've read all of treaties and journal articles on the phenomena. I know it is still being done to some extent to harvest recyclables to fuel our new power grid structure. But the plain fact of the matter is we didn't know for sure if no one was going to return to those houses, to those businesses. We didn't know for sure whether anyone "owned" what we took. We were just operating on what we saw as our own needs and in some cases, as the years have gone by, it has been proven that those rationalizations and excuses have been wrong. Hindsight is 20/20 however and even if I'm still leery of saying it was all justified, that doesn't mean I haven't accepted it for what it was and learned to live with it.

Because of the heat and because we were going to be up quite late we didn't do any kind of major work around the home place. We took a long nap in the middle of the day making me feel a bit lazy and then before I was really ready for it we loaded the last items into the trucks and trailers to take off.

"Let's maintain radio silence," Jax said.

Giving him a look I told him, "You sound like those war movies Dad liked to watch. You really think … I mean … you said yourself that Matt and his crew were the largest group in town besides those people at that church. You really think that they meet that same kind of standard of danger that we have to go all commando and junk?"

With an almost incredulous look he asked, "Have you forgotten Sasquatch?! He clocked you without even an apology! Who knows what some of the others would have done given half the chance. Have you forgotten how most of them were dressed and what they were walking around with?"

"Before I took off Sas was looking lost and confused. He …"

Jax shook his head in frustration. "Lydie I know those kids were your friends … geez, Matt's my cousin. And maybe they are still 'good guys' on some level but until we are sure they haven't totally gone off the deep end like they were threatening to then we need to be careful. We haven't got a real clue what is going on in town. The radio isn't telling us much; either they haven't got the power to run it, we aren't on the air when they are, or they are becoming as cautious as I want us to be. We also don't know for sure those two groups are the only ones in town. We might be a little off the beaten track as far as the interstate goes but we aren't that far off and there are still the highways and county roads to think about outsiders using to travel by. Anyone could have come through and set up camp in town and I'm not sure we would know about it until it was too late."

I sighed. "OK … ok. I read Dad's books too. I just don't want to automatically assume the world has gone all Mad Maxx. This isn't a story book, this is real life."

"Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Better safe …"

" … than sorry. Yeah, I know. I heard that from Dad a lot longer than you did," I told him in exasperation. "I know, OK?"

Quietly and earnestly the said, "Then let's just be cautious. It's the only thing that makes sense."

My nervousness beginning to show through I asked him, "Then why go at all? We've got enough to get by here for a long while."

He leaned against the truck with me while Kelly fidgeted in her car seat. She was going to be riding with me going out. He put his arm around me and answered, "Sure. We have enough to get by for a while. But we don't know how long this … this situation … is going to last. Things in the larger cities are starting to unravel. You've heard it the same as I have. The definition of law and order pretty much depends on who is in charge. You've heard the rumors that the government plans to resettle people out into rural areas to put them to work."

"Yeah and we've also heard they are going to resettle people in the rust belt to get manufacturing for the war up and running too. So which is it? What's the truth?"

"Exactly."

Confused I asked, "Huh? Exactly what?"

"Exactly … we don't know for sure. Everything is crazy. Rumors are flying this way and that. Bottom line for us personally is that right now we have a window of opportunity to set ourselves up so we can … I don't know what else to call it but survive whatever else is coming down the road. And something is coming. I feel it. Whether you want to admit it or not you feel it. You knew that you needed more than just yourself to get by and you risked a lot to go to town to get it. You trusted those feelings. I felt the same way about needing some place better, safer for Kelly and took a chance to come after you. What we have to do is also trust the feelings we are having now. Something is coming; we don't know what, but something. We've both agreed on that. That something could be good but given everything that's going on at best it is just going to be just more of the same of same kind of bad that we have had to deal with up to this point; or maybe worse. We need to be logical … and methodical. Let's go to town, get what we can, and then set up for the winter and see how things play out. Remember what those books of your dad's emphasized? God, gold, grub, guns, and ground. Basically community and resources. We've got God … or at least I think we both believe the same way." I nodded as we'd both gone to the same church. He continued. "Grub and ground is this home place. It's good but we could do better if we can find the right tools to work with. Guns … we've got some but it will go fast. Your dad taught me how to reload because we had to deal with animals – feral dogs and pigs – out in the timber and the big bosses didn't like to give us much of a budget to work with. Even hunting will deplete what we have right now so I hope with can find something to help out. Gold … it isn't important but it could be and I … I think it might not hurt anything to keep our eyes open for stuff like that."

That was the part I was most uncomfortable with. "Jax … I …"

"I know Lydie. I'm not talking about taking it from anyone that is already holding it. But if we are salvaging and we just happen to run across something of value that we can put away for the future … look, let's just play that part by ear for a while. You can't eat gold anyway and we have other more immediate priorities." He scratched his head a little in frustration at my obstinacy and then just set the issue aside to say, "We've got our community – me and you and Kelly – and maybe if Matt is in the right frame of mind we can expand our community. But with or without Matt and the rest of them we will need resources. Maybe we'll need even more with Matt and the rest of them."

I started to open my mouth but he stopped me again, this time with a kiss. "I know. Trust me I've thought about it. I'm just not prepared to trust them until we've done a little investigating. We've got a sweet set up here and I don't want to put it or any of us at risk unnecessarily."

"I don't want to be greedy," I told him.

"We aren't talking about greed Lydie. Your folks did great things. No way could I ever repay your Dad for all he did for me … and what he keeps doing for me through you. But if I learned nothing else from my mistakes I learned that eventually a man has to take the reins himself if he really plans on being a man, you can't keep depending on someone else to do it for you. Your dad started the ball rolling; now it is up to us to keep it rolling. We do that by stocking what we can, securing our position, and then waiting to see what is coming … by digging in with the best resources we can. I know you still think it is stealing but it isn't. The people that could lay claim to that stuff are gone and they are not coming back. What we are doing is securing those resources …"

"Assuming anything is even left at this point," I interrupted. "Matt or someone else … even Mr. Houchins … could have already taken it."

He nodded. "Yes, assuming anything is left what we are doing is securing those resources so they can't be used against us. That's not greed Babe, that's commonsense."

It was pointless to argue about it. We both knew that the plan wasn't going to change. I said, "Fine. But if we get a chance to help other people we do it. I won't sit on a mountain of stuff and watch other people starve or whatever."

"We'll help … if we can do it without putting ourselves in too much danger."

Again I knew that was as good a concession as I was going to get from him. And to be honest he was certainly right about feeling something was coming. I wasn't sure what was causing it … the strange weather, my own personal reality setting in, listening to the craziness on radio from the few people that were still broadcasting, or maybe it was from reading Dad's books. Whatever "it" was, it felt like a jumping spider just sitting out of my line of sight waiting to make an ambush.


	19. New Geek Empire Part 16

_**The New Geek Empire Part 16**_

I love driving and that night was no exception. I was also particularly fond of driving fast with the wind blowing through my hair but was forced to roll up the window when the third bug flew in and tried to take up residence in my teeth.

Kelly was one of those kids that as soon as you put them in a car seat and pulled onto the road they crashed. It was eerily quiet in the closed cab as the sun went down. I was used to her making all sorts of racket but I supposed that her being quiet was less of a distraction since I was driving without lights. A few places I had to slow down, not because I didn't know where I was going but because the corners were too sharp to haul the trailer around as quickly as I wanted to. Finally we made it to the outskirts of town and I led the way to pull up to an old warehouse that had been vacant even before things went south.

Jax hopped out and carefully checked around before cutting the chain on the doors and pulling the truck and trailer he had been driving into the warehouse. He came back out and then got into the truck that I was driving.

"Geez Lydie," he said shaking his head.

"You said you wanted me to take the lead," I told him trying to hide a grin.

It was safe to grin because he was fighting one himself. "Did your dad really know how fast you were going when you ran that 'shine?"

I stopped trying to hide it and smiled outright. "Let's just say that he stopped asking after he rode with me a time or two. And if you're wondering, I've never gotten a ticket." More seriously I added, "If I hadn't felt safe doing it I wouldn't have gone so fast. I wouldn't be stupid with Kelly in the back seat."

He looked at me with trust in his eyes and said, "I know. Now let's get over to the feed store and see what we can see."

I eased over a couple of blocks and in behind the feed store. Handley's was more than just a feed store but was a full service farm store. The people that had run it had been some kind of shirt tail cousin on my mother's side but then again I could say that about half the people in town … and the other half were related to my dad so that wasn't saying too much.

Jax nodded his head toward the rear entrance. "Place looks untouched. You think you can bump that lock while I cover you?"

"Nope, that's a Schlage lock from the look of it. But if you give me a sec I'll go through the transom window … assuming it hasn't been screwed shut since the last time I was here. They used to open it to let the hot air out in the summer."

It took more work than bumping the lock would have but I managed to use a flathead screwdriver to pop the lock on the transom window and then slid inside, turned my head lamp on and after a brief turn of my head to see if things were intact I unbolted the door. "Looks good. Jax, I'm going to go through the store and open the loading bay."

"Good deal. I wasn't keen on the idea of leaving Kelly out here unattended."

Once we had the truck backed in we went to work. The inventory was way down and about half of what was there had been gotten into by mice and rats … all of which had run as soon as we had gotten busy … but we managed to fill up the truck and trailer in just a couple of hours.

First I hit the rabbit and chicken feed. The laying pellets and the mash for chicks was a welcome addition to what we already had. I would have cracked corn for them but it can be labor intensive and I was glad I didn't have to for a while yet. I also got all the fish chow they had, both the floating and sinking kind.

"Jax?"

He grunted, "Yeah?"

"What about this canned cat and dog food? There's a few feral cats that hang out around the old tobacco barn but they are pretty self-sufficient. Dogs … we just never got another one after Lady died because the docs said it wasn't a good idea for Will … but … I wouldn't mind a hunting dog if such an animal is still around."

Jax looked like he was thinking about it and then said, "Can't hurt I suppose. Put it on the loading dock. If nothing else we can fill empty space with it."

I used stacking crates from the back of the store and grabbed all of their flea and tick products like sprays, treatments, collars, shampoos, and dusts. I grabbed the animal vaccinations that were still viable from the locked cabinet they were kept along with all the other animal medicines. I was sure that some were gone over but since I didn't have the time or the light to look close enough I figured I could do it when I was putting it away back at the home place. Dewormers, animal remedies, and diet supplements followed the rest of it.

Animal bedding and litter took up a lot of space but better to take it while we had access to it. Bulbs for the brooder and heat lamps was of particular importance so I packed them into the cab and wrapped some horse blankets around them to keep them cushioned.

After grabbing all of the animal stuff we hit the organic garden section. Fertilizers, soil amendments, weed control, fungus control, and as many bags of soil and mulches as I could fit was crammed in as well. All of the insect and pest control was crated up and shoved anyway it would fit. Grabbed all of the gorilla glue and tape off of the end cap where they had been prominently displayed.

The area I should have hit first was the canning area. I had a gazillion and one jars, many older than I was, but having too many jars never hurt anything and I decided I could store the extras out in the loft of the tractor barn if I needed to. So all the cases of jars – weren't really that many in stock anyway – along with all the lids and rings got its own corner of the trailer. I also grabbed all of the ascorbic acid and what commercial pectin was on those shelves along with canning salt and pickling spices. There were a bunch of boxes of ice cream salt so I grabbed that too. In the back in the out-of-season storage area were bags of sidewalk salt and blocks or deer salt.

I handed Jax another small box to find room for only he stopped and then turned to me and wanted to know, "Why am I carrying a bunch of animal urine?"

I laughed. "Fox, coyote, mountain lion, and bobcat pee can be used as repellents."

"Uh huh, I'd reckon so given how this stuff is likely to smell." He went on to the trailer but he was still shaking his head. I thought to myself that if he thought that was bad he obviously hadn't seen all of the buckets of Snake Away I planned on taking with us.

Not too long after that Jax and I had to stop and admit that not another thing was going to fit. "Dirt is dirt," I told him. "Sure it would be nice to take all of this back with us but it isn't happening on this run. We got most of what we came for."

He nodded. "I say we go switch vehicles. I don't want to run this trailer any heavier than it already is. If the other places don't pan out we'll come back and get what's left."

When I drove I could tell the trailer was really pulling. "Jax, we are going to have to go back a different way. I'll never get this thing around some of those curves out on River Road, especially in the dark and with those inclines."

"Guess it's a good thing we made alternative plans for the trip back then."

As soon as the switch was made we had to pacify Kelly with a meal and truth be told Jax and I were starving by that point as well. We ate tuna fish on biscuits with apple chips and a few slices of aged cheese. In no time Kelly was out again … lucky for us … and we hit up the tractor dealership for all of the parts on Jax's list of must haves and a few on his would be nice to have list.

From there we had to drive a couple of blocks down river but as soon as I pulled in I thought it was going to be a bust at the Mennonite store. Got out of the truck and I could smell male cat in every direction. "Whew! That is some heavy territory marking," I told Jax.

Jax was making a face and said, "What the heck? I don't want to even breathe this stuff."

"Are you familiar with the store's lay out?" I asked.

"Uh uh. What's it like inside?"

I thought for a second and then suggested, "Tell you what, you stay here with Kelly and let me get inside. These cats gotta be eating something and if the mouse population is in the building the hassle might not even be worth it."

He twitched his nose, nodded, then shut the truck door so that Kelly wouldn't have to breathe the air. He had a good grip on his rifle because no way did either of us want to be surprised by anything feral enough to create the odor we smelled.

But we were either lucky or blessed as whatever catty creature was outside appeared to have kept all the varmints outside as well … probably as dinner. That wasn't to say the place wasn't rank but it was the rankness of food long gone bad and dried up rather than fresh ripeness. Still Jax and I didn't waste any more time than necessary. It was the wee hours of the night and we were both starting to drag.

Anything that could spoil obviously already had although there was surprisingly little of that in the store. The freezer cases looked pretty well cleaned out as was the dairy cases. In fact, most of the shelves were a lot more barren than I had ever remembered seeing them which told me that either the Mennonite community had been taking care of their own towards the end, someone had already been through the place though that didn't make too much sense, or the store owners simply hadn't been able to restock before things really went south.

Most of the bulk food was in plastic bags with twist tie tops and appeared to be OK although there were some bags that were damaged; by what or from what wasn't readily apparent so I just made sure to take bags that didn't look like anything had got at them. The beans, rice, and dried soup mixes would certainly not be going to waste and I just shook my head that Matt and crew hadn't thought to come out this way to take possession of any of it.

Cereals and grains were next. The less common grains quinoa and spelt could only be found in small bags on the shelves but there was plenty of wheat, mixed grain cereals, rye, oats, and the like in fifty pound bags stacked on pallets. I left those to Jax who would stack a dolly full and then take it out to the trailer to load into the eighteen-foot enclosed trailer. There were plastic bags of muesli and I threw a couple in the cab before I boxed up the remaining cereals into plastic storage tubs I'd brought along for the ride.

Next came the dry mixes, teas, dried gelatins and pudding mixes. I wasn't too sure about some of the baking mixes because they were made up fresh. The ones I worried about I put into a different container to keep any possible rancid food from contaminating the rest of it. I grabbed all of the oxygen absorbers and mylar bags too. The absorbers might have gone over – I wasn't sure – but the mylar bags could be dead useful for many different things. There were several two pound buckets of lard and coconut oil too that were stacked for hauling off.

Over in the spice area I grabbed all the jars of vanilla beans as well as just about everything else. Most of them came in this little plastic butter dish kind of containers. They were opaque so I could see what was inside just in case a label was missing. I did find a couple of containers that had weevils in them and left them where I found them. Sadly, all of the nut butters were rancid as they were mixed fresh but I did find some bulk nuts like pistachios and cashews that didn't grow anywhere near. And even though we had a few almond trees I got almost two hundred pounds of almonds … whole and still in the shell … and was grateful for every single nutmeat.

Got a lot of dried and glazed fruit that I was also grateful for; the more that was already fixed up would mean less sugar that I would have to use from our supplies because the one thing I was noticing a real shortage of was white granulated sugar in bulk. I did find some brown sugar, molasses, and honey in both liquid and crystallized form but white sugar was scarce as hen's teeth. The sugar issue did lead me to take all of the candy and chocolate I could find though there wasn't a huge amount of it.

In the personal hygiene area I threw all of the Burt's Bees products and Barlean's Oils products into a tub and decided organizing it could wait until we got it back to the home place. I also put all of the homemade soaps and other beauty products into another tub though the smell just about knocked me on my keester because some of the natural oils were quite strong and didn't combine into a cohesive perfume.

I almost wasn't paying attention to what came off the shelf in the kitchen accessory area because I was starting to get really tired and my head lamp was going dim and needed a battery change. I figured it would all prove useful eventually.

After loading all of the bulk grains and such Jax started at the other end of the store, this time with Kelly on his back. I felt badly but he told me not to worry about it as he was used to it. He found some sturdy plastic boxes from the back area and loaded products like from Bob's Red Mill, Mrs. Wage's Canning products, Dutch Valley chips. He kept Kelly quiet by giving her a bag of veggie chips after making sure they were still good.

It was hard to believe but there were still a whole lot of green coffee beans. Jax asked, "Your dad said something about your mom knowing how to cook … no roast, he called it roasting … coffee beans. Can you?"

"Sure. That's how my folks bought their coffee. Green coffee beans last longer than the ones that are already roasted. I'd leave them in that barrel though if you can move it while it's full. That'll be the best container for them."

He nodded and just slid the dolly under the barrel and hauled it out. I'd worked my way over to where he'd been unstocking the shelves and then just about squealed. They had several cases of birch beer and cheerwine and I couldn't wait and popped the top on a can of the beer right then and there.

Jax caught me guzzling and he stood there with a surprised look on his face and then laughed when I couldn't stop a belch. "I take it you like?"

"I love birch beer … and no it isn't alcoholic; it is sorta like root beer or maybe sarsaparilla if you've ever had that. Here, have a sip," I offered generously.

He sipped gingerly and then nodded. "Not bad. I like orange cream soda better but haven't had any in a long while. Stuff isn't cheap."

"There's bottles of the stuff on the end cap down there. We just need to make sure not to hit a bump and break them on the way home."

He smiled and said, "Looks like your prejudice against salvaging is changing."

And just that quick most of the fun I'd started to have drained away. I sighed. "This is just too easy. I keep forgetting the reason behind all of this stuff just sitting here like this."

"Hey," he said, chagrinned. "I shouldn't have brought it up. Now c'mon … don't go all … depressed and morose on me."

I shook my head. "I'm not. But I shouldn't be taking this for granted like I am either. People died. That's the only reason we can do this. I shouldn't let myself forget that."

He leaned in and kissed me for no good reason. "I don't think you are the type that will ever simply take stuff for granted. Just don't let it weigh you down like a ton of bricks either. You didn't engineer what has happened but you've got responsibilities. If God is giving us all of this should we just turn our nose up at it because we think we are too holier than thou?"

I shook my head harder that time. "No. That's definitely not what I mean. I'm just having a hard time figuring out … oh just forget it. You and I both know I'm not going to stop salvaging; to complain about it midstream is beyond hypocritical."

He wrapped me in a one armed hug. "Don't be too hard on yourself Lydie. This is just one of those … things."

"Things?"

He nodded. "Yeah, one of those adjustment reactions like that book talked about. Reality is setting in and we are adjusting to a new … a new paradigm. We'll get through this."

I snorted. "I know and I hope I'm realist enough to admit it. I suppose I'm just concerned we aren't trying to set ourselves up like kings with the only purpose being to get one over on someone else. I never saw myself like that and don't want to think that I'd fall into that trap and get greedy."

We continued on with the job at hand as I forced myself to put guilt to the side that was more gratuitous than constructive. What we started boxing up at that point wasn't necessarily edible in and of itself but would make other things I fixed more so. Shank's flavoring and extracts; Golden Barrel cooking oils; Gunter's honey and locally jugged blackstrap molasses; imported maple syrup; Yoder's jams, jellies, pickles, and relishes; McCutcheon's preserves and sauces; and enough Jake and Amos products to make a road side vendor envious. I made sure to pack the bottles of Bragg's vinegar and amino acid so that they wouldn't break as I was fond of using both. Candy sticks and corn syrup made a colorful combination in another box. I didn't know for sure what I was going to do with a dozen three pound tubs of marshmallow fluff but I figured might as well take it.

Not everything on the shelves was salvageable. There were some plastic containers of perishable items that didn't look too healthy or had bulging sides in the packaging that I gave a wide berth to. There were weevil infestations on the shelves containing the packaged bread and cornmeal mixes. Most of the cookies and pretzels were too stale to bother with. And most of the packaged flour and such looked like damp or something had tried to get at them at one point.

We did get lucky and found plenty of sausage and ham seasoning for hunting season. I took every box of rennet tablets that I could find as I would need them for cheese making if I could ever figure out a way to trade for milk … or capture the goats. Did the same for all of the yogurt starter I could find. Got a couple of new lids for my sprouting jars … they look like strainers that screw onto the top of a regular canning jar … as well as all of the sprouting seeds they had that hadn't already tried to sprout in their packaging.

Jax nearly had me in stitches when I saw him carrying out huge gallon jars of pickled eggs and pickled sausages. "Where on earth did you get those?"

He shuddered and then hawked up a wad of gross from his throat and spit it in the general direction of the rain downspout. Before he could answer Kelly tried to imitate him and said, "Stinky, stinky."

I raised my eyebrow and Jax explained, "Behind the counter over by the deli foods. It smells worse the further into the back you go. I don't think anything else in there is worth a risk on."

I gave myself a dope slap and said, "The smokehouse!"

"Wha …? Wait, you think it still has something in it?"

I shrugged. "No clue but they kept that thing locked up like Fort Knox. It would take bigger bolt cutters than we brought to get into it if …"

"Keys are in the manager's office I bet. Saw some hanging behind the door."

I rolled my eyes. "Good place for them. Anyone could have broken in here and … Oh. Never mind. That's what we're doing so I'm not going to complain."

Soon enough we had the last of everything out of the store and had walked around the side to see if there was anything worth taking. It would have been a fantasy to have opened it to find all the meat we would need for a long while but there wasn't. It wasn't completely empty but it was obvious, just like the store itself, that someone had either given a lot of the stock away or had been eating it themselves for a while. But the locks were rusted pretty fiercely requiring some pretty strong persuasion to open so whatever had happened it had been some time ago.

"Country hams and some strings of sausages. Better than nothing," I said.

Jax added, "A lot better than nothing. I think I saw some butcher's paper back in one of the supply closets. We'll wrap these then unless you have a different idea I say we set up camp for the night. We'll need to have some kind of watch through the day and then we'll get the last few places on our list once it gets dark and go home."

Thinking about how much we already had I asked him, "Are you sure you don't want to just head back now?"

He gave it some honest thought. "Here's a compromise. We've had good luck up to this point. Let's secure the trailers in the warehouse and then walk over to the thrift store and fabric store. If they look picked over we leave, if they look untouched … or relatively so … we stay and finish up after we rest."

I nodded. "Probably the best we can do at this point. We're already really loaded down though. We're going to have to start being choosey."

"True dat. I just wish we had found more reloading supplies. I found a lot of brass and shell capsules but the shot and everything else wasn't where I thought it would be."

"What about the pawn shop next to the thrift store?"

He got thoughtful and said, "Mebbe. Let's just take care of this first."

It was no easy task to get the trucks and trailers lined up for a quick getaway. Once I stopped moving it was awful hard to put my body in motion again. I pulled a packet of energy pills out of my pocket and looked at them carefully. I'd had to resort to them a few times when I was running shine but I didn't like to because they made my scalp feel like it was going to crawl off my skull but I was getting to the point of being really done in. I popped them even against my better judgment and swallowed them just in time to here Jax asked suspiciously, "What did you just take?"

I gave him a look that said don't be stupid. "You know what I took. It isn't a narcotic but this needs doing and I'm dragging too much to get it done."

"Then you should have said so," he growled.

I put my hand on his tense forearm and squeezed. "I know my limits Jax. We'll get this done. I'll take first watch because you'll probably have to cuddle with Kelly to get her to sleep. When the tabs wear off I'll wake you up and you can take a good long watch and let me sleep it off. When I get up I'll fix us some food and then …" I stopped with a shrug. "Besides, if the stores we are going to check on are a bust I would still need something to be able to drive home safely."

He calmed down and then gave me a look. "If we do go back tonight you got any more of those?"

I nodded and showed him the ones in my fanny pack. We locked everything down and then using our own chain and lock from home locked up the warehouse, brushed the tire marks away as well as our boot prints, and left things looking as undisturbed as we could while we quietly making our way over to where I knew the last few stores were on our list.


	20. New Geek Empire Part 17

_**The New Geek Empire Part 17**_

The thrift store had a picked over feel to it but not necessarily from any recent activity. Things had gotten tough after the hospital was bombed and my family was killed. The act of terrorism brought in a boat load of new restrictions on personal freedoms. At first people were willing to give up a lot to feel "safe"; but, after a while the reality of what they had given up began to set in and there were a lot of people expressing their regrets at what their own choices had wrought.

It wasn't just personal freedoms that were affected but somehow it all spilled over into other areas of life like manufacturing, trade, the ability to acquire goods and services, and personal and commercial banking. A lot of imported items became outrageously expensive even when they were necessary for quality of life, such as medications and reasonably priced food. With the newer, stringent laws -and the "tell on your neighbor" atmosphere that sprung from them – the economy didn't just sputter to a stop again but did a one eighty and started to pick up steam in the wrong direction like a runaway freight train.

Thinking about how things had been in the last days prior to the collapse, or whatever you chose to call it, I wasn't surprised that the feed and farm store and the Mennonite store had had that derelict, hanging on by the fingernails, atmosphere to them. You could see it in how the inventory was spread extra thin to hide all of the otherwise empty shelf space; items only one or two deep on the shelves rather than five or six. And what inventory was there looked a little beat up like even the scratch-and-dents were put out rather than sold at a discount.

Despite how large the trailers were, filling up a twenty-four foot enclosed trailer shouldn't have come anywhere close to emptying the feed store but it did except for the dirt and spoiled items we left behind. The eighteen-foot trailer that Jax had been driving shouldn't have emptied the Mennonite store either, but it did; and there was still some room in the eighteen-footer plus the beds of the two trucks and the cabs had we really been pushed for space. Remembering those trailers I'm still glad Dad had opted for the tandem wheels or the loads we were hauling would have destroyed the trucks' frame and alignment.

All of this ran through my mind as I looked hard at the interior of the thrift store while I tried to ignore that locker room smell that those types of stores could develop when hot weather set in with poor ventilation and no relief available from air conditioning. Mildew lay almost like a blanket in some places and dust was thick in others and the miasma of the atmosphere was depressing. But despite that and despite being tired as we were I figured since we were already there we might as well grab a few things.

I found some old, canvas laundry bags in the back store room and split them with Jax as we started going over the racks. First off we got all the useful shoes in our sizes that we could find. I ran barefoot as much as possible but wore shoes when I went beyond the house and porch if for no other reason than developing a bad case of ring worm was not something I wanted to have to deal with. From the shoe section we split up, trying to cover as much area as we could in as little time as possible.

I turned my nose up at most of the kids' clothing but we did find a couple of sweaters and a winter coat that Kelly could use and which would leave her some growing room; though there was no way any of them would last more than a season or two. By next year I would need to either use my old ones in the attic or sew her one of her own.

Jax took a quick look at the music and DVD area but looked at me and shrugged. I couldn't see his face for sure in the gloom but got the idea from his body language that there wasn't anything interesting in the collection. I did run through the books and magazines area and found a couple of cookbooks and craft books that looked interesting. I also grabbed a cookie tin full of mismatched buttons, some of which were like antiques from the look of them.

We dumped all of the blue jeans on the racks into the bags because even if they didn't fit any of us I could cut them up for patches or some other project. We even managed to find a couple of Dickie winter coveralls that would come in handy for Jax to wear if we managed to go hunting … assuming it ever cooled off enough for it. We piled the bags near the door and then headed next door.

The pawn store was a bigger mess than the thrift store was. It had obviously been ransacked; didn't look like any rhyme or reason was used unless you count the smashed glass display cases where the expensive stuff would have been put on display to tempt customers. In the back however I saw Jax pick up a string of keys lying on the floor and after a couple of tries opening the big safe behind the owner's desk. Most of the jewelry was gone but there were still tubes of coins and some loose precious stones that he raked into a small bank bag. He looked at me but I just looked away. I had to keep justifying it in my head so decided I'd leave that part of it up to Jax since he seemed to already have it thought out. The one thing that made both of us happy was a small locked room with a heavy door labeled "PRIVATE – KEEP OUT."

"Eureka," Jax whispered excitedly. There weren't any guns in the gun cabinets but there were plenty of fixings for reloads and not a few rounds already in boxes. Jax was so excited he started to look around for something to pack the supplies into right then and there.

Trying to be cautious I told him, "Jax, ease up. If you want to grab some of the shot and powder fine but I thought all we were doing was coming to check things out. We already spent an hour in the thrift store. The sun will be coming up soon. We had a plan, let's stick to it."

He nodded excitedly. "I know, trust me my butt is dragging. But I don't want to take a chance and miss this in case we have to bug out during the day for some reason. Dang, I wish we would have come here first now." He turned as asked, "Can you go grab a buggy from the thrift store? We can at least bring back a few things."

There was no turning him off once he'd gotten going so I carefully did as he asked, feeling strange being out relatively alone and walking those particular streets in the dark. Once I got back my nerves were pinging and I insisted that we head back to the truck. "Jax, you're so tired you aren't thinking straight. Let's just go hunker down. If you won't do it for yourself or me, look at Kelly." That stopped him and he realized his daughter was weaving drunkenly in her back pack, unable to stay awake but also unable to sleep with all that was going on.

The shopping cart was quickly filled and we finally pushed the overloaded buggy to the warehouse, hid our tracks by brushing the dirt and gravel with a handy branch, and lock ourselves in. I managed to convince Jax to crawl into one of the truck cabs and go to sleep while I put away what we'd brought since it would give me something to do while I kept watch. Finding corners in the trailer for the reloading stuff wasn't as easy I thought it was going to be because it was heavy and bulky. However, after a little frustration I pulled it off and locked the now full to capacity longer trailer with a thick hasp.

I walked the perimeter of the warehouse a few times and did some stretching trying to relieve my tension. I was feeling anxious for some unknown reason. It was like how the hair on your body feels right before a big lightning storm. When the sun came up I heated a little water on my butane stove and poured it into a large thermos of oatmeal and then set it aside for Jax and Kelly. I had a feeling by the time my watch was over I was going to crash and burn pretty and that feeding them would be beyond me; better to prep it while I still had something left in me.

The other problem with those no-doze pills was that not only did my scalp crawl but I got jittery. Physically jittery on top of mentally jittery is not fun when you are the only one awake for what seems like miles and miles … only you aren't sure that you are the only one awake. Your mind starts playing tricks on you.

I jumped at every little noise … and a few not so little noises as animals came and went though they never bothered us. Birds landing on the roof clicking and clacking across it with their claws was another nerve wracking sound that brought forth memories of all the horror movies and books I had consumed in my life. Dogs having a brawl and then deciding it was more fun to come together as a pack and chase a couple of cats … with the cats fighting back the few times the dogs got too close. I even saw a family of feral pigs banging around down by the river and finally settling down once the dogs left the area.

A few times off in the distance I thought I heard engines but I wasn't completely sure. Sound carries funny on the wind and I admitted to myself I was beyond making good sense of what it might have been. By lunch time I was sick with fatigue and nerves and stumbled over to Jax just in time to see Kelly rudely wake him up with a teddy bear to the nose. The guy could move when he needed to I'll give you that. Unfortunately, I was so tired I couldn't even laugh at the expression on his face as he tried to figure out what was going on.

Jax quickly got his bearings, took one look at me and moved out of the way so I could lay down. I mumbled about the food and to listen for strange sounds in the distance but I later found out I hadn't been very coherent. I didn't even get all the way into the truck before I was asleep and I only vaguely remember Jax pushing me up onto the seat.

"Bless it all Kelly," the voice whispered fiercely. "Didn't Daddy tell you not to do that? Now come here you little wiggle worm and stop throwing chips at Lydie."

"Shhhhh. Lydie seepin'," came a soto whisper followed by a giggle and a very loud "IT'S UP TIME LYDIE!"

Despite having sensed someone nearby I hadn't felt threatened so I didn't try and wake up. However, when you have a toddler blaring like a bugle in your ear all of a sudden sleep evaporates pretty quickly. I sat up fast enough to make myself dizzy and the surprised and alarmed look on my face only made the little terror laugh even more.

Jax groaned and said, "Just point me in the direction of something to feed this eating machine and you can sleep a while longer."

I squinted at my watch which said dark was still a couple of hours off and told him, "You were supposed to wake me up before now so you could get a few more hours of sleep before we headed out."

"Sleep? With Brunhilda here trying to wake the dead? Ain't happening. I've had to keep her in the other truck most of the time or you would have been able to hear her clear across town." He was half joking and half exasperated and a whole lot irritated. Jax had a ton of patience but even a saint needs a break every now and again.

I crawled out and said, "Give me a sec and some privacy and I'll pull dinner together."

He told me, "I popped the lock on the old bathroom. It's pretty disgusting but not as bad as the one at church camp used to get."

I made a face, "Nothing could be as bad as those bathrooms. On a hot day with no wind those things would gag a maggot."

I used a moist towelette to freshen up a bit but I was still no spring rose when I came back to our makeshift camp. "Has she been hard to handle?"

He nodded. "She's gotten used to being able to move around during the day in that run we built for her. The novelty of the back pack has worn off and she wouldn't even stay in that without pitching a fit. I don't know what we are going to do if she doesn't go to sleep tonight. I mean I know we could give her that kid-strength Dramamine but I'd prefer not to knock her out if we don't have to."

I agreed. "Last resort for sure." After I pulled the butane stove back out and the baggies of dinner I told him, "Let me have her and you go lay down. Now don't fuss Jax … just until dinner. If nothing else it will give your ears a break."

He looked guilty and relieved at the same time which told me that Kelly must have been out doing herself while I had been asleep and dead to the world. As soon as Jax crawled into the cab she tried to tune up and I gave her the I-Don't-Think-So look. Then she stuck her bottom lip out which I knew meant she was about to turn mutinous.

"Listen Bumble Bee, you've worn your daddy out and he's frazzled. He needs to take a nap so he isn't cranky. You don't want Daddy to be cranky do you?" The bottom lip didn't move. If anything she looked like she was going to really let loose a scream so I decided to head it off. "Of course, if you stay quiet and let Daddy take a nap like a good boy then you get to help me make dinner and you get a dessert too."

Her mouth was half way open when she heard the magic word dessert. "I hungin' Widdie … I hungrin' yots and yots."

Rolling my eyes I said, "You're always hungry. As a matter of fact there is no way in this plain of reality that you can actually hold everything you eat every day. But … and this is only if you behave … I have some yogurt drops for your dessert if you're quiet and help me make dinner." I know that no two-year-old is really going to understand fully the way I was talking to Kelly but my mother had been one of those that really didn't agree with a lot of baby talk by adults to children once they started leaving diapers behind. I'd heard the same thing in day care training so I just talked to her like she would understand but helped her understanding along by giving concrete directions and clues as we went along.

Believe it or not I was able to distract her by asking her to hold things until I needed them just long enough for me to get dinner finished. Then I fed her, cleaned her up, and gave her a plastic cup of the dehydrated yogurt drops that I had made just for this trip so that she'd have some finger foods to keep her busy. It was one of the tricks that I had learned working in the day care … cheerio type cereals did the same thing but the homemade yogurt drops were just as healthy.

Dinner was Lemon Tuna Spaghetti and before anyone goes gack and gag I have to tell you it is really good. You take eight ounces of spaghetti and break the noodles into thirds and then store them in a baggie. In another baggie you pack a quarter cup of bread crumbs, a quarter cup of Parmesan cheese, a teaspoon of dried parsley and a quarter teaspoon of ground black pepper. In another baggie you pack a three-ounce packet of tuna, three packets of TrueLemon or enough lemon juice packets to make three tablespoons of lemon juice, a packet of olive oil (one tablespoon worth), and if you want a very small can of chopped kalamata olives.

In camp you bring four cups of water to a boil. The water was from the jugs I had brought from home and I boiled it in a small pot on the butane stove. I added the noodles and then cooked them al dente and then drained them of all the water except a half cup. Next I added everything to the pan of noodles except for the bread crumbs and stirred to coat the pasta evenly. Then I sprinkled the bread crumbs over that mess and gently tossed to distribute them evenly with everything else.

While Kelly ate her yogurt drops in her car seat I got Jax awake. While he cleaned up I ate my serving of the dinner out of a plastic bowl, wiped it clean and when he came back he used it to eat his portion while I cleaned the pot and put everything else away as well as packing the trash up so that we would leave as little evidence of our presence as possible. Right before it went dark the bugs came out making us all miserable.

"Dang Lydie, these blood suckers are going to drive me crazy," Jax growled as he swatted at several that had decided to use his carotid artery as a buffet.

Neither one of us was at our best and I almost snapped and asked what he expected me to do about it. Instead I reached into the door pocket of the truck I'd been driving and pulled out some bug spray. "Spritz some in your hands and rub your ears and neck and put some in your hair. I'll do Kelly. As soon as full dark gets here the vampires should settle down."

The spray helped and we all got some relief and stopped fidgeting so much. I turned to Jax and asked, "Did you hear anything while I was asleep?"

He nodded slowly. "Problem is I don't know if I was hearing it because it was real or hearing it because you'd put the idea in my head that there was something to hear. It could have been a fan spinning on a warehouse, a vent stack on a building … for all we know Matt and his crew could have dreamed up something new. The sound wasn't close whatever it was and I haven't heard any repeats for a couple of hours. Let's just be careful and not go borrowing trouble."

That only brought so much comfort but it was the best he had to offer. I thought at least he'd admitted to hearing something. Besides it was time to get a move on.

The first order of business was to collect what we had gathered from the thrift store and pack it into a trailer. Next was to go back to the pawn shop and go over it better than we had the night before. Jax spent some time taking chains off of the bikes and go over the gas powered yard tools for parts for what we already had. I was looking through the music and DVDs. I know that may have seemed very shallow under the circumstances but since we didn't know what winter was going to be like it was best to be as proactive as possible.

Which reminded me … "Jax?"

He grunted a response.

"Try and not use all those tubs for parts and gizmos and things. There's a used bookstore beside the fabric store and if we have time I want to go in there."

He grunted again in what I thought was an affirmative. A half hour later when he looked like he was going to continue grunting and going through things I told him, "I'm going across the street to get started on the fabric store."

That made him look up and take notice. "I don't think so. Just give me a few more minutes …"

"Jax, you said that over an hour ago. All I'm going to do is start stacking bolts of fabric … assuming there is anything worth taking."

"Just … aw heck. Just hang on. I'll throw the rest of this in to the back of the truck whole and then dismantle them back home. This could take all night at this rate."

We had to take the time to load the buggy up with stuff and then take it to the trailer but on the way back I grabbed three more shopping carts to take to the fabric store. As soon as I got the back door opened I smelled damp and mold and mildew. Sure enough the roof had leaked and roughly half the store inventory that remained was ruined. I looked at Jax and grimaced, "So much for that."

"Any of it worth saving?"

I shrugged. "Let me go to the front and see." As it turned out most of the ruined fabric was actually the fancy stuff that I wouldn't have taken anyway … or at least wouldn't have taken if I had fought temptation. This way I didn't have to fight it which may have been a blessing in disguise. I directed Jax, "If you want, why don't you just start taking all of those notions and threads off the wall over there and putting it in this laundry bag. I'll go through the fabric and try not to get silly."

I did the best I could by prioritizing what I took since space was becoming a premium and so was time. First were the bolts of denim then the muslins and then the lightweight and heavyweight fleece and flannel. That filled up three of the four buggies and the fourth was full of stuff that Jax had been gathering. Run it to the trailer, stick it in as fast as we could and then back. Next came the sweatshirt material, then heavyweight cottons, the lightweight cottons, fat quarters for making quilts with, and then the materials I could make under garments with. Jax emptied the file drawers of patterns and we went back to the trailer and then returned again.

"Lydie, I hate to rush you but we need to leave time to get home and driving the trailers is going to be slow going." He added to tease me, "At least for me it is."

I gave him a half smile though my heart wasn't in it. "I know Jax."

My tone of voice caught his attention. "Hey … what's wrong? Feeling bad about taking this stuff? Memories? I know your mom …"

I shook my head quickly, not wanting to bring any of that up. "No. I've … I've got the heebies. Not like anyone is watching us … just … just the heebies. Don't you feel it?"

He looked at me in concern and then around. "No. But if something is bothering you then that's good enough for me. Let's check the fabric store one more time and then hit the bookstore …"

I shuddered. "Forget the book store and forget the fabric store. Let's go. Now."

Realizing how upset I was getting he said, "Hey, you are shook aren't you."

I couldn't explain it but now that I'd admitted to the feeling it was only growing. "Let's go now Jax. I'm not kidding. Something …"

I stopped because Jax had gotten a strange look on his face. Then he lifted his nose to the wind. As soon as he did it I did it too and I could just make out an odd smell on the wind that was blowing from the other side of town; not odd as in unusual in and of itself but odd as in I shouldn't have been able to smell it. "Jax? Is that …?"

"Yeah. That smells like … like …" He gave a confused look and then asked, "Is it me or does that smell like the fair?"

There are smells from childhood that are forever and indelibly written into your memories. The smell of my mother's canned green beans cooking while cornbread was baking in the oven is one for me. Another fond memory was the smell of the ancient cedar chest that sat at the foot of my parents' bed and which held all manner of family history; it was like a treasure chest, one my mother only rarely opened. But then there are the shared memories like the smell of the bathrooms at church camp; all either one of us had to do was bring it up and it evoked the same type of memory response in the other. Another one of those shared memories was the fair.

On the air floated faint whiffs of a combination of scents so complex that they immediately brought to mind the yearly event held out at the old air field on the end of town closest to the nearest interstate. There were food smells – greasy yet with a sweet undertone – but there was also the smell of machines that used combusting engines, animal smells from the rodeo and petting zoo, an odd woody smell from the farm exhibits and chainsaw art contests, and a bit of pungent body odor and trash gone sour from the heat.

Jax and I looked at each other and I could feel my chest growing tight and the hair on my neck not just standing up but doing some pretty complicated ballroom dancing. Jax said, "OK. We're out of here as of fifteen minutes ago. I don't know what that is from but I don't want to get caught out in it with what we're hauling."

Back to the trucks we went lickety split with the last couple of bags and bolts of fabric that hadn't fit in the last load. Kelly was pacified with her sippy cup and being told that it was time to go home to her toys. I was going to lead back again pulling the larger of the two trailers and was ready to go as soon as Jax opened the warehouse bay doors wide enough for me to exit but he kept just standing there like he was looking at something or listening to something I couldn't hear.


	21. New Geek Empire Part 18

_**The New Geek Empire Part 18**_

Jax and I had planned it out. He would check the doors and unlock them, then at his signal I would start the truck engine, he would run back to his truck and I would slowly nudge the door with the truck and my wider trailer would open it enough so that he could pull out right behind me. But whatever he had noticed blew that plan right out of the water. He frantically waved me to come to the warehouse door.

Kelly had already crashed but I still got out of the truck as quickly but as quietly as I could. I jogged up beside him and he cupped his hand around his ear but made the shushing motion with his finger. I got the picture; listen but don't say anything. Then I heard it, or should I say them.

Quavering female voices. "Ginger, please don't cry. As soon as we find a wagon or something we'll go back and get them."

"God Ash … how can you be so sure that we are doing the right thing? Maybe … maybe Matt was right. Maybe if we just … I don't know … give them what they want then they'd get, you know, so dependent on us that they wouldn't dare hurt us and junk."

In a hollow voice the first girl said, "Tell that to Deb and Sas. Those animals practically tore her apart before she died. And they killed Sas when he tried to save her. You want to stand in line for some of that too? Isn't what they already did bad enough? How Matt could just … just stand there when they wanted Marty."

A shivery whisper said, "I think he hid her someplace. They never found her when they started their sick game. Why couldn't he have done that for us? Why didn't he help Aston and Reg? Or at least say anything?"

"I don't want to talk about it. We've got to find something to help the guys and then we've got to get out of here. They can't walk any further."

"They don't need a wagon … they need a doctor."

The first girl snapped, "Well the store is fresh out of one of those!"

"Shhhh. God Ash, don't flip a switch. I'm … I'm sorry. Really. Aston is going to be totally OK. I'm … I'm sure he is. He won't, you know, like leave you and the baby alone. He totally won't die."

My head felt like it was about to explode. I put my hand on Jax's forearm; it felt like stone beneath my touch. We looked at one another. Here it was; the choice despite the fact that it was so totally unexpected.

Jax slowly leaned down and put his lips against my ear. "Ashley. Ginger. Aston. At least one more … maybe Reggie Green from the sound of it."

I knew all four. Ashley was the only one that I knew particularly well enough to really like but knowing her as I did, no way would she leave Ginger – her BFF since preschool and co-captain of the cheer squad – nor would she leave Aston. They'd been going together off and on even longer than Matt and I had with even less reason; they were from opposite sides of the track if you catch my drift and neither set of parents was particular thrilled. I always thought that was why they were so set on being together back then but age and experience has given me a slightly different aspect on it; the heart is a really strange piece of equipment being both software and hardware at the same time and about as quirky as that old museum piece the Apple IIe.

Lately there are days when I feel as old and as out of date as that behemoth but sitting here writing my memoirs – how pretentious of me – I can once again feel the turning that night wrought. Ashley, Ginger, and Aston were known quantities; or they had been at one time. Reggie is the one that didn't fit in the picture. He was a new development and that night I struggled to figure out if he was Ginger's attachment de jour – when it came to guys she tended to sip and then move on about as often as a butterfly – or if he rounded out as a fourth to make it even. Obviously at that moment Reggie was injured but we weren't sure how badly. Aston on the other hand sounded dangerously bad off if Ginger's backhanded comments were to be believed. Those thoughts flashed through my head in less than a second.

As unexpected as the girls' arrival had been, Jax's next question was like a line out of a movie. "Take them or leave them?"

He was leaving it up to me. I gave him the evil eye for putting me in such a spot but he remained calm, barely blinking whereas my stare would have burned him to crispy critterness. But then he did something to surprise me. The hand that wasn't holding the rifle pulled me close and then ran down my back. It was an odd sensation but not unpleasant. He leaned in even closer than before. His breath was on my neck then back at my ear. "Here's a fork in the road, a chance. I can see how a few more extra bodies would help out especially if trouble is coming. I can deal with more people as long as they'll share the work load. I can share space if you can. You," he whispered huskily. "You I don't want to share. Don't want to lose." He ran his hand down my back again going a little lower and pulling me a little tighter to him.

You know, to this day I don't know what it is with the male of the species. We have to have them and frankly I wouldn't want to live without them. But most women must admit they are certainly a puzzle. And I still don't completely understand how everything they get involved with seems to devolve into some issue with testosterone. I understand even less why I don't have more of a problem with that happening. Something in me, the primitive part some would call it, had a need to reassure Jax that it was a two-way street.

I tilted my head and changed positions so that it was now my mouth near his ear, a move I couldn't have accomplished without his cooperation due to our height differential. My own free hand crept up his chest and then my finger wrapped the few strands of chest hair right above the V in his t-shirt and pulled not quite as gently as I could have while I told him, "You Tarzan but me Jane and Jane don't likey no sharey either Bub." Jax was so weird that despite his wince I could feel him smile as well. Then I released his captive fur and sighed. I whispered seriously, "I can't turn my back on them Jax. Can you?" I felt his own sigh of resignation and the shake of his head.

So it was decided. Since the girls had already apparently had a bad run in with some men and might freak out if confronted in the dark by an unexpected male I was going to slip out and get their attention while Jax covered me from the shadows just in case it was some kind of set up. He didn't like it but it was what made the most sense under the circumstances.

I stood in the dark listening, trying to figure out where they had gone to. They had stopped talking but I could hear something coming from over in the direction of the pawn shop. I eased into the shadows and then stopped when I caught sight of them coming out of the building.

Ginger's voice drifted over to my ears. "It looks like the place has already been laid to waste. Let's turn back; we're getting too far away from them."

Ashley answered, "Shhh. Our group never took this area. Matt thought it was too rednecky to bother with. So if it wasn't us then … then …"

I heard the panic building in her voice. In a beam of moonlight I also realized she had a small baby bump showing so I knew Jax and I had gotten it right. I shook my head and put that worry to the side then whispered, "Psst. Ash … Ginger … don't freak or scream or make a bunch of noise. It's me … Lydie."

I could see them fighting their natural inclinations to run. They did step into the shadow. I whispered, "I'm coming out. Yeah I'm armed and it'll show, just don't fritz about it. Are y'all hurt? You need some help or something?"

As I crept closer the two girls didn't move but they didn't exactly relax either. I made it over to them and we just stared at each other. "Well?" I asked. "Don't just stand there like that. Say something already."

Ashley straightened up and got straight to the point, "Where have you been all this time? Where did you run off to?"

"I didn't run off … I ran back where I came from. And as far as where that is I'll tell you in a bit."

Ginger asked belligerently, "Did you kill Jax?"

I must have just stood there with my mouth hanging open for a moment or two and then I heard a faint chuff of laughter and threw a dirty look behind me. Turning back to the girls I said, "No, I didn't kill him … yet. Right now I'm considering it if he doesn't knock it off."

Ashley suddenly got excited. "Jax is with you? What … what about Kelly?"

"Don't worry about them right now. What I want to know is if you two are OK. What are you doing out in the middle of the night on this side of town? I know I've asked this several times but you aren't answering. Do you need some help?"

Ashley wasn't one to give up. "Is Jax with you? Aston … and Reggie … need some help. We've got to get out of here. They … they've got prices on their heads."

"Prices on their heads?" I asked confused at the odd phrase. "Put there by who? And for what?"

Ashley was shaking, uncharacteristically so; normally she took the lead in just about any conversation and did it with confidence. When she turned her face I nearly gasped in shock. Her cheek was … it was burned; or, branded would be a better word for it though it was too raw and angry at the time for me to really see it.

Ginger stepped forward and I could see she'd been roughed up too. The skin around her eyes was a fading rainbow of colors and her nose was healing an obvious break.

"What the …?!"

Ginger said quietly, "Things have changed Lydie. You did well to stay out of it. Those … those … people," she spat. "If you want to call them people … they've taken over and they're dangerous. They take what they want and move on. They …"

Ashley grabbed my arm startling me. "I need Jax to come help Aston. He's too big for me to carry and he can't walk anymore. Reggie is sitting with him but he's messed up too … his face got beat on even worse that Ginger's and his eyes are swollen shut and he can't see. One of his legs is all chewed up too from those dogs …" She stopped and shuddered.

Ginger had a strange look on her face. "He … he couldn't even see but he still tried … tried to save me Lydie. I … I couldn't just … just leave him behind when we ran."

I asked, "Where are they?"

Suddenly Ashley got suspicious. "Why should we tell you? How do we know you haven't thrown in with them?"

Jax must have slinked his way over because his voice came from the dark and from close by. "You mean like Matt has?"

His voice started both girls into almost running. I got a little bent out of shape and ignoring the girls I said, "Uh … like … who is watching Kelly?"

"Relax. She is asleep and the truck is locked."

"And if she wakes up? She's like going to be so totally scared. How could you just …"

Ginger stopped me by punching me lightly on the arm. I jerked my head in her direction and gave her a sour look. She just gave me a half grin and said, "Same old Lydie." But there were also tears flowing down her face. "Matt hasn't really thrown in with them exactly … just … just trying to keep them off our backs. But it doesn't always work. We …"

Ashley was looking really strung out. "What we … what we need to do is get out of here … find a place to … to hide out until they finish up and move on. That's what they do you know … they strip everything and then when there isn't anything left they move on. I've heard them talk about it."

Jax and I looked at each other. I nodded. Jax said, "Story time is going to have to wait. It will be light soon and we need to move out. Where are the guys?"

From the dark I heard a guy's pain-filled voice say, "Here."

Ashley gasped and ran to a shadow that took me a while to decipher. When I did I blurted, "Talk about your blind leading your blind."

Aston for all the pain he was obviously in tried to snort a laugh. "Yeah." Then his voice became dead. "The girls … they were gone so long …"

Reggie had been silent up to that point. I realized he was concentrating so hard at carrying Aston that he had nothing else to give. Jax and I ran over and got an even closer look. All I can say is they both looked like road kill.

It took a moment to figure out what we were doing. Aston and I had never been particularly fond of each other; we weren't enemies but we sure as heck weren't close. It stemmed from the fact that the coach had forced him to get tutoring from me to stay in the sports program at school and he resented the heck out of it. His folks couldn't afford to pay for a tutor so if he got kicked out of sports more than likely he'd lose his chance at going to college as his folks had been counting on a sports scholarship to get him there. It hurt his pride though I never twitted him about it; but guys and their pride could make some bad juju.

Reggie was one of those conundrums you sometimes meet in life. He could be nice but preferred being difficult to get to know. He was really smart but hung around with so many of the "wrong" crowd that behavioral issues always dropped his grades down. He wasn't a big guy build-wise but he was known for getting into vicious fights … usually with guys a whole lot bigger than him; and though he lost as often as he won those battles it never seemed to slow him down. He lived with his dad and older brother – both of whom personified the term professional with their big paychecks, expensive cars and more women than you could shake a stick at but I'd never heard Reggie had even been on a date much less had a girlfriend. His mother was a trashy drunk that spent most of her time in various rooms at the local motel but he treated her like she was a queen and even the two men he lived with knew not to say a word against her. Add it all up and then throw in the way he dressed and he was a prime candidate for being the feature character in a news story on yet another school mass shooting.

Jax was obviously going to have to carry Aston and even then it was going to be a challenge. That left me with Reggie. I tried to diffuse the potential situation with humor. "Man Reg … you're going to think this sucks but if you puke on me …"

He nearly toppled in my direction and it took both Ginger and I to keep him from face planting into the concrete. When he spoke his voice was a dead and raspy whisper. "Nothing left to puke." The sour smell of his breath attested to that.

I nodded and then realized he probably couldn't see me. "OK then. You got anything busted inside? Can you handle a fireman carry?"

He shrugged. "Just my face and leg. Does it look as bad as Ginger refuses to say?"

Dryly I told him, "You look like a freakin' zombie."

I saw a smile tug the corner of his mouth and she said, "Cool." Right before he passed out.

Carrying him to the truck over my shoulder was not fun. I wasn't kidding about the fact that I was worrying he was going to puke on me. For another thing Reggie's dead weight was doggone heavy; he didn't exactly smell like roses either. And to top it all off Ginger hovered enough that I practically tripped on her a few times when she got overly helpful.

"Ging … don't take this the wrong way, " I said approaching maximum irritation. "But get the frell out of the way already!"

That startled her just enough to get her to back off the last few feet to the warehouse and then Jax was there taking Reggie down and carrying him to the truck he would be driving. After he'd gotten them in and belted so that they wouldn't slide all over the place he turned to me. "You take the girls and I'll take them."

Ashley started to make noise but I turned to her. "No Ash … listen. We split the load so no one is overcrowded. Besides you know … guy talk if either of them come around. If they've got something to say they might not want us to hear it. Besides, I've got wetnaps and stuff in my truck if you want to clean up or … you know … do whatever you need without a guy's eyes around …"

Ashley shuddered to a stop but then finally thought to ask, "Where are you taking us? I swear if you …"

I told briskly her, "I know you've got trauma and all that crap but you don't need to be insulting. If you don't want to go just say so otherwise get in … we've got to go. We've got an hour of dark left at best before the sky is gonna lighten up and I want to be well away from here before then."

"Then how far are we going?"

I was done with the questions. "You either trust us or you don't. If you can't make a go of it we'll figure something out but for now … seriously … stop talking and get in the truck. Unless you want to stay here in town and if that's the case …"

Ginger said, "No!" A little more calmly she turned to Ashley and said, "C'mon Ash. C'mon … it's gonna be OK. Lydie won't leave us high and dry and Jax won't let Lydie get far 'cause his kid is riding with her."

And finally we were out and on our way.


	22. New Geek Empire Part 19

_**The New Geek Empire Part 19**_

They started on me as soon as the engine came to life. I wanted to ask them just as many questions but I had a truck and very heavy trailer to drive around some very dangerous curves. "Ash. Ginger. Cut me some slack until we get across the highway; we're loaded to the gills here. Imagine trying to drive the school float along River Road and you'll see what I'm up against here. And I'm going to have to take the long way around to avoid the worst of the hairpins."

That explained the situation to them in just a few words but well enough that they shut up for a while. I gave them the promised wet naps and also gave them a bag of muesli and some bottled water.

"Easy on the muesli if you've been eating crappy or it will tear you up and we can't stop anywhere around here," I warned them.

Ashley took a few cautious nibbles but it wasn't long before she was asleep. I felt rather than saw Ginger crawl into the front seat since I was driving without lights so I asked her how she was doing. She answered, "Ashley is preggers."

Realizing it might be her way of deflecting questions about herself I decided to respect that and went in the direction she took. Quietly so as not to wake anyone up in the back I said, "I saw. Should I ask if it's Aston's?"

A little protectively she said, "Not around her or it'll upset her and every time that happens she starts puking. Some of rest of them asked the same thing and that's when the … what do you call it … the scism or split or whatever happened."

Confused I asked, "So she and Aston aren't together?"

"No. Not her and Az. Us and … you know … Matt's group. Kinda started when we got tired of playing dress up at the same time everyone else started taking it too seriously. When Ashley and Az got caught some of them got really freaked about it and said some mean things."

"What? Were they afraid it was contagious or something?"

Catching her off guard I made her snicker a little but then she was quiet again until we crossed the highway heading out and away from town. She must have been thinking because she surmised, "You lived … are still living … on a farm."

It was a statement, not a question. "Uh … more like a homestead than a farm, though I suppose things being what they are I could reclaim the land of all my grandparents on both sides and no one would care or notice."

She said bleakly, "Care? Probably not. Notice? That's something else and I promise you don't want that to happen. Getting noticed is as good as getting killed."

For the next little bit the road was straight but we still crawled along at a snail's pace. I decided it was time and asked quietly, "You up to telling me what's been going on?"

She turned to look at Ashley who still looked asleep as she leaned against Kelly's car seat. Turning back around she pushed her hair back away from her face. "There wouldn't happen to be clean clothes where we're going would there? Or maybe a place to wash what I was able to bring with me? I feel all skuzzy."

I wasn't willing to share some information yet. "I know where I can get some clothes the right size or at least close enough that we can alter them to fit," I told her thinking of the first trailer we had salvaged from. "I guess the guys need outfitting from the skin out too."

"Yeah except that Aston and Reggie go commando so we won't have to worry about that part."

I cringed. "Geez Ginger … TM freaking I."

"Huh?" she asked, looking confused. Then she gave an honest to goodness giggle. "Sorry. Forgot what a prude you are."

I wrinkled my nose. "Not a prude; just some things should be left to the imagination." Then I shuddered. "And then again, some things shouldn't."

Her smile slowly faded and she started fidgeting. "Those clothes aren't in town are they?"

"Uh uh. Why?"

Breathlessly she whispered, "Don't want to go back there … ever. Or at least not for a long, long time."

Carefully I asked her, "Did these guy you mentioned … did they … you know … hurt you or Ashley?"

In a voice gone nearly dead she asked, "Do you mean did they rape us?"

Quietly I said, "Yeah. Unfortunately that is what I mean."

She shook her head. "Not me or Ash. They got a couple of the other girls though … a couple of the guys too though you wouldn't ever catch any of them admitting it. They got some sick jerks travelling with that circus." She shuddered. "Ash and I got lucky and we were able to stay out of the path of the worst of them except for the last time. We made the mistake of trusting a couple of women that looked like they'd … you know … been hurt by those guys. But it was a stupid trap. They're the ones that burnt Ash's face. What a bunch of bent witches. They said she was too pretty and that she deserved it because she was … was bad to other women." Even more protectively she said, "Ash is not like that. You know she isn't and never has been."

"Easy Ginger. I know Ash was never nasty like some of the pretty girls could be. And she put her money where he mouth was and took a lot of heat for kicking Renee off the squad when she pulled that prank on those girls in band. You don't have to defend her to me. I've been on the wrong end of that stick too often not to know the ones at school that held it."

She shuddered and started reliving what had happened. In a voice full of guilt she said, "I … I couldn't make them stop. My best friend and all I could do was watch. They tied me to a mail truck. I tried to get free but I couldn't get my hands out of the hand cuffs. Ashley was screaming and then they hit me a couple of times because I wouldn't stop crying. That's when Aston showed up. But …"

"But?"

She leaned her head back and stared out the side window. "God Lydie, you know what he's like. His old man … he would have killed Aston if he had ever even raised his voice to a girl. He didn't even know how to fight those witches, not even with me screaming to kick them if he couldn't punch them. All he would do is take all the hits that those women tried to give to Ashley. He was protecting her … her and the baby … with his own body. And they weren't going to stop Lydie … I could see it on their faces; they were like crazy or something. It's like they were using Aston to get payback for anything any guy had ever done to them." She turned to me and there was something in her eyes that was way on the other side of creepy. "And then that's when Reg shows up."

"Reggie was part of it too?"

"Oh yeah. Aston was going down and still couldn't hit back … but not Reg. Reg came in running full tilt and took the whole pack of hounds down by clipping them in the knees. They threw a couple of punches at him but Reg, man he hits back. They run off and he gets Ash and I untied and we're trying to drag Aston away when the witches come back with a couple of guys and man they lay into Reg. Reg holds his own but you know, three against one so it wasn't going to end well. Then these guys everyone calls enforcers show up and break up the party but instead of everything being OK, they haul Aston and Reg away and tell us to run along before they let the women at us again." She stops and draws a shaky breath. "Next day we hear they've had some kind of fake trial and Az and Reg were found guilty of … get this … disturbing the peace and insubordination. They were going to be executed as an example to quote 'stop that crap from happening again.'"

It was a lot to take in and sounded like a very bad movie … one of those awful indies that go straight to DVD when it should never have seen the light of day to begin with. I asked her, "If they were in such bad shape and going to be killed, how did they get away?"

Another shaky breath preceded her explaining, "Ash and I found out they were being held in the boiler room of the old high school."

That told me more than just the content of the words. One of the reasons they had built the new high school besides the fact of overcrowding was that there were far too many ways to get on and off campus with no adult knowing. The boiler room was the biggest escape hatch for those willing to take the risk. "They didn't know about the old bomb shelter entrance did they."

She shook her head. "Probably still don't. The guards were all high on something and didn't even notice. We heard about it the next day though when they came around. Ash and I had hidden the guys in my grandparents' basement and we hadn't told anyone anything so they couldn't give us away. We figured people seeing us upset and shook up would be put down to the beat down and to finding out about the guys' death sentences. Ashley was in so much pain it wasn't even an act for her. After they left Matt looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't dare."

Finding the statement a little bit of a non sequitur I asked, "Why?"

In a tone that told me she thought I might be missing a few important brain cells she answered, "Because of Marty of course. Ash gave Matt a look that reminded him we weren't the only ones with something to lose. We don't know for sure where he's hidden her but we probably could find out if we put our minds to it. We know where a lot of Matt's hidden stashes are, by process of elimination she is probably at one of those."

That made me uncomfortable. Sure Matt had been a two-timing jerk and Marty went along for the ride but turning them over to crazies wasn't something I would ever consider doing … hadn't thought the girls would ever consider doing. I nearly jumped when Ashley spoke from the back seat and it answered a few of my unasked questions. "I don't … don't think I could have gone through with it … but … but maybe in the heat of the moment I … I might have. I'm not sure I'd want that kind of temptation again. And that's when I knew we had to get out of there. It scared me how … how easy … how fast we … we could change and be like those other people. I don't want to be that way Lydie. I've got … I'm going to have a baby. I'm …" After a pause she asked in a small voice, "Is it safe where we're going?"

Still reeling from the details of their story it was hard to answer her. "It was. It'll stay that way as long as Jax and I can make it. We've got Kelly to protect and I'm not going to just roll over and let someone trash my home." We were nearing the final stretch before we turned onto the road back to the house. I still didn't know enough so I asked, "Who are these people anyway? They didn't just appear out of nowhere or fall from the sky."

Ashley sighed and returned to her quiet turmoil so it was Ginger that filled in some details. "Believe it or not they came on bikes, scooters, wagons … there were a couple of dump trucks and a few buses too that were full of people, but most everyone came under their own power somehow. We think most of them are refugees from the cities although there are some prisoners and some psych ward patients in there too."

"Prisoners and pysch … wha?! Are you kidding me?!" I asked almost loud enough to wake Kelly up.

Ginger shook her head, the filthy red curls weighted with dirt but still trying to bounce at the sudden disturbance. "I wish. The prisoners aren't the worst ones … at least most of them aren't. They were from a minimum security prison and were mostly addicts and petty criminals … stuff like writing bad checks, picking a fight with the wrong guy at a bar, or joy riding; you know, stupid stuff. The psych patients and addicts mostly do nothing but jones around looking for something to get high on and self-medicate. The other ones just try and stay out of way of the gang leaders and the guys that run things and are truly bad dudes."

"Where do they come from?"

"Listening to them it sounds like all over. Sas … poor Sas … he called them Barbarians. Sas was pretty gone there at the end. If DHS hadn't …"

I knew we were getting off the topic but something told me it was a piece of the puzzle I needed to know. At one time Sas had been my friend. I wanted to know what had turned a big ol' teddy bear into Attila the Hun. "DHS were the ones that cleaned the bodies out of town after the water was poisoned."

"Yeah, only it was more like they drove the trucks and held the guns while the townspeople did the work. And Sas … because he was so big and strong … he was put on some of the worst jobs. You know his story right?"

"Yeah, big brother to six little sisters. Big, happy, two-parent family. Grandma lived with them too I think."

"Uh huh, and I guess you might have missed that his mom had just had another baby … a boy to make a book end for Sas. I probably know more about what happened because Sas was good friends with my stepbrother Mark."

"Mark lived with his dad right?"

"Yeah … it freaked Dottie out, she couldn't figure out why her son wanted to go live with the dad that never paid child support. Dad tried to explain he was just at the age where he needed to know where he came from but … anyway, wrong memory lane … Sas had gone over to Mark's house for some 24-hour gamer gore-athon the night it happened or he would have … you know … died too."

Horrified by my suspicions I asked, "All of them?"

"Might have been better if it had gone down that way. The baby was bottle fed from that special formula that was premixed in cans … some kind of allergy. And it was four days before anyone let Sas go to his house – they had that whole side of town cordoned off. It wasn't poisoned water that killed the baby; I heard it was dehydration." Both Ginger and I were trying really hard to ignore the nightmare she had just described. "So that on top of some of the other stuff he saw… it … you know … I think something broke. Then when what little bit of family he had left … cousins, stuff like that … took off and never came back, well it was just easier for Sas to play pretend than it was to live with his reality. But I figured Jax would have told you all this."

Feeling forced to defend Jax I said, "He's told me some of it but not every single detail. That thing with the baby probably freaked him out. He's pretty protective of Kelly."

After another moment of silence as I negotiation a bad pothole Ginger asked, "So are you and him like together?"

Feeling my inner beastie spring to life I told her bluntly and succinctly, "Yes."

There was surprise in her voice when she responded, "Wow. Matt sure got that one wrong."

Not that I cared or wanted to get into it I still found myself asking, "What do you mean he got it wrong?"

"He thought either Jax had taken Kelly and run off or maybe they'd had an accident around town and become some of the lost – we've had a few of those happen – or that you'd killed him in revenge."

Barely keeping myself from slamming on the breaks I said, "What?!"

"I know," she said ruefully. "It sounded stupid the first time he'd said it but Matt has this way of like I don't know … making things makes sense after a while, even when they shouldn't."

In disbelief all I could say was, "I never would have dreamed that Matt would have turned out to be such a demented drama queen. I mean … c'mon I know I can have a hot temper but kill his cousin just because I caught him with his hand in the cookie jar? Guess Marty might have done me a favor rather than a hurt."

"Maybe," she agreed. "Matt was starting to … to give some of us … he was just getting … I don't know."

Her explanation leaving something to be desired I said, "Explain it in English please."

She sighed. "OK, but don't shoot the messenger." After giving me a look she told me, "Matt wasn't just always … look, he could be creepy and you know it. Mostly he wasn't but he could be. But at the same time he could be … someone you wanted to know because he always seemed to have the answers. On the one had you wanted to mess with him because he could be so full of himself but on the other hand you wanted to be his friend but couldn't because he was like … like so far above you. He was like two separate people competing for the same body. And he would do things that … I don't know. If anyone else had done them they would have been toast. Girls for instance."

"Girls? What the heck is that supposed to mean?"

"Geez Lydie. Marty isn't his first and Matt and Marty have been doing it behind your back since last summer. Everybody kinda figured it out but you … well maybe you and Jax since he wasn't around all that much and had turned into such a boy scout after Kelly came along … just …"

Outraged I asked, "Just? Just what?"

"Most of us like thought you knew and either didn't care or where OK with it. He always went back to you so we just figured … that … well … c'mon we just thought you were cool with it so long as you know publically it was you he was with."

With a high level of snark in my voice I said, "Oh really."

"Yeah. Ash and I get how stupid that is now. We just didn't get how stupid until after you came back and laid into them like you really hadn't known about any of it."

I shook my head, realizing it no longer mattered except as an ouchie to my pride and Mom had always told me pride goeth before a fall. Right then I couldn't afford to fall … not even stumble … so I said, "Not important any more I suppose. Matt has obviously moved on but more importantly I've moved on. Let's get back to your refugees."


	23. New Geek Empire Part 20

_**The New Geek Empire Part 20**_

Ginger looked at me and said, "Jax must be some kind of good. No way would you have just let it go when we were back in school."

I shrugged trying to make it look like it was no big deal. "Things change … so do people. I sure as heck had to grow up after my family got killed. Maybe Matt hasn't. Right now your refugee problem is more important than some stupid little teen soap opera."

In a huff she said, "You keep calling them my refugees … well they aren't so stop it." I suppose I was being a little insensitive all things considered so I nodded and when she saw it in the pink light of the dawn she continued. "What I was trying to tell you is that Sas was the one that started calling them barbarian invaders and Matt … you know how he can talk … Matt says 'the analogy is fairly apt.'"

Agreeing that the phrasing did indeed sound like something Matt would say I asked, "Why … uh … apt?"

"You really going to make me recite that lecture?" she sighed.

I snorted, "I don't need chapter and verse; just hit the highlights."

She shrugged. "OK, if I understand what Maestro the Magnifico was saying …"

"Just call him Matt. That handle is just too dorky."

"So you say … most everyone else was taking it way too literal when we left." At my impatient sigh she finally got back on topic and it really did sound like she was reciting notes from a lecture. "Barbarian. Usually we use the term to mean someone who is uncivilized which could mean they are also brutal, savage, filthy and all the other fun adjectives you can come up with. But that isn't exactly what the term started out meaning."

I nodded. "OK, world history time. The Greeks made it up to mean anybody that wasn't them or who thought or acted differently from them. Got it."

"Yeah, thank goodness. And you managed to explain it in about a tenth as many words as Matt so you can be the professor from here on out. Anyway, so you get the context. But these barbarians aren't like the ones back in ancient history … they aren't 'noble' or anything else; they aren't worthy adversaries or whatever it was that Matt keeps saying. They're just killers … savages that don't seem to have too many thoughts about anything beyond the moment. Some of them are like zombies … you get in their way and they'll just eat you."

An awful thought popped into my head. "We aren't talking literal … you know for real cannibalism are we?"

"Not yet though some of the eggheads said that it might just be a matter of time." Eggheads was a not too nice term for the clique of super smart kids that were about as fond of their own theorizing and own voices as the stereotype that you would sometimes see on college campuses. They were smart, could talk a good line, but ask them to actually do something with their theories and you were out o' luck.

Doing my own thinking I said, "Yippee skippee, finally we catch a break."

"Not for long if the spooky prognostications prove out," she snorted. "Food is running low. I mean really, really low … even before the circus freaks showed up. The government keeps promising to send trucks with supplies to help out but they won't do it if there is any kind of potential for danger to their personnel. I think it is how they are trying to control great big blocks of people. Seal the city off, tell them once they can control themselves they'll get help. Nobody wants to listen so they kill each other off in mob violence until finally there are fewer people and they're all beat down and no energy left to run amok. Then the government goes in and takes over and puts them all to work doing stuff … salvaging and that sort of thing … which keeps the people busy and out of trouble."

"Sounds like a fairy tale."

"No, it sounds like what a bunch of the circus freaks … the barbarians … were running from. Seriously, they say that our town is like an oasis in the dessert after what they've been through."

"Yes and they are fouling the water so that nobody gets a drink."

She shrugged. "Lots of regular people have been running from what is going on in the cities. They either have some place to go or they wind up in what they are calling hospitality hotels. Only hospitable is the last thing these places are … barbwire, tents and cots with barely enough food and water to keep people healthy. They aren't like any hotel that I've ever heard of."

I asked, "How on earth do you know this stuff? We've heard some rumors from the radio but I never would have put it together to make a picture like this."

She shrugged. "Of course not, you're basically a nice person. Nice people have a hard time imagining making those types of choices. Besides, not all of the bar … uh … the refugees are total freaks. Some of them are … they didn't all start out like they've ended up. I guess you could say they are following the strong ones because they are the ones that keep them fed and safe and who they are following is kind of rubbing off on them."

Realizing Ginger must have had something rub off on her too because I'd never heard her think this deep and I'd known her almost my whole life. I asked her, "These hospitality hospitals aren't good enough for them or something?"

"More like some of them are like prisons than anything else. Some are ok if you are willing to conform but most have some really crazy rules and families get separated and stuff like that. Lots of sickness goes through those places. No privacy, lots of stress, a real pressure cooker. Not everyone is meant to live in a commune Lydie."

I looked at her and said, "You don't need to tell me that. I didn't exactly conform in school, I can't imagine trying to stay sane in a place like you're describing. Would have been like fingernails on a chalkboard – or across my brain – for me."

"Yeah but the stupid rules weren't the worst of it. It's the fact that the foreign terrorist and home grown gangs turn those places into targets. They've even taken some over as bases of operations and from what I can tell have enslaved the people there. The government isn't a whole lot better about it … those places have to grow their own food, scavenge the surrounding area for clothes and stuff like that and … and …"

When she stuttered to a stop I realized she was describing the way that I had lived all my life … well, not the scavenging part unless you counted taking advantage of wild food and recycling stuff from the local dump but I couldn't say that anymore since I had been doing my share of salvaging with Jax. Carefully I told her, "Life isn't free. I … er … look, I know you all need time to … to heal and stuff … but I'm not going to be anyone's slave. Y'all want to stay you're going to have to help … and that means gardening and taking care of the animals and stuff like that."

Ashley, once again showing that she had been listening rather than truly sleeping said, "You give us a place to say and we'll do anything you tell us to."

Glancing at her quickly before turning back where my eyes belonged I told her, "We work together, not me bossing you around like … like indentured servants or whatever. You want a place to say you've got it … price of admission is pulling your weight, doing what you can, not slavery. Got it?"

I'm not sure they really believed me but there wasn't any more time to talk about it because it was time to turn onto the drive. A nerve wrecking thirty minutes later and two near misses with trees and I was pulling up to the tractor barn. Jax and I had already planned what we would do. I jumped out and ran to slide open the big bay doors on the hanger like building. The small and medium tractors lined one side of the barn. I pulled through and parallel to the other wall as tight as I could squeeze it, then Jax came in and pulled parallel to me. Everything fit and there was still a walking path between Jax's truck and trailer and the tractors. We couldn't really use any of the farm equipment in there until the trailers were emptied and moved out so that would have to be a big priority.

The girls jumped out of the truck and ran towards Jax's to see how Aston and Reggie were. I was nearly dancing and with an apologetic look at Jax I ran for the bathroom for some relief. It hadn't taken long but by the time I got back there was already a minor spat in progress.

"Why didn't you stop?! Look at him! I should have … could have …"

"Nothing you could have done to make it better Ashley."

For about two second I thought the worst until I heard both of the guys moan. I knew any ruckus needed to be nipped in the bud and I wasn't sure if Jax was up to handling the melodrama of two hormonal, love struck cheer squad queens. I ran forward and said, "Hey … 'nough already. Jax did what was necessary. We've got too much to do for this to turn into Greek Tragedy 101. OK?" Seeing Reg leaning against the side of the truck I asked him, "Reggie are you ambulatory if we get you something to lean on?"

"Yeah," he wheezed. "So long as there is aspirin at the end of the race I might even be able to run a marathon."

I shook my head even though I knew he couldn't see it. "Aspirin is a no no with black eyes, thins the blood and makes the eyes worse rather than dispersing the bruise. We'll use some witch hazel pads to help with the swelling and pain and I'll also make you some pineapple tea to sip on too. I forget what it is but there is something in pineapple that is good for that kind of bruising. Mostly we need to get you guys cleaned up so we can head off any infection."

I turned to Aston and blanched. I bent down and quietly asked, "Hey, Football Head, you in there?"

"Lydie?" he mumbled through busted lips.

"Yeah. You are going to have to get well so I can lecture you on what to do with women that think they have the stones to take on varsity linebackers." No reaction so I figured maybe then wasn't the time for that particular lesson. "Look, we've got to move you and it's going to hurt. And then we're going to have to give you some first aid which is going to hurt even more. But I swear if you hang on, there's a soft bed at the end of it and you can rest … OK?"

"Sure," he muttered. Then he asked, "Take care of Ash for me? She's … I got her knocked up. We got stupid just like Jax warned us not to and … and …"

Jax bent down and told him briskly, "You're sticking around to take care of this yourself. We'll help her but you ain't leaving her high and dry. Got it?"

"Don't … don't want to leave her. But …"

"No buts Football Head. You gonna have to pay the piper so you hang on. She and that baby are going to need you."

I think he nodded but he passed out so quickly it was hard to tell. Standing up I told Ginger, "Try and keep Reg upright and don't let Ash get hysterical at what Jax is going to have to do." To Jax I said, "There's an old cattle sling in the other barn; it'll probably work as good as anything else to help move him to the house. I'm gonna grab it and be right back." I didn't say anything but Jax knew that I wasn't just going for the sling but to give a quick check on the animals that I'd been trying not to worry about the whole time we were gone.

Aside from a heavy odor where the cages needed to be cleaned the rabbits and chickens looked at me like they thought I was nuts for being the least bit worried about them. I was relieved more than I wanted to admit but I couldn't hang around and fuss. I had to move a couple of things in the storage closet to get it out but I finally got the contraption untangled and was happy to see that the canvas was still intact except for a couple of small tears.

When I got back Ashley was watching Jax intently has he cut away Aston's outer clothes. I yelped, "Whoa … uh …"

Jax gave me a questioning look. I made a face and then said, "Leave the pants on."

He shook his head. "Lydie it will be easier to take them off out here where I don't have to worry about cutting …"

Ginger snickered a quiet, "Commando."

Startled Jax looked at her, at my red face, and then sighed as he looked down at Aston. "Figures." He looked back at me and said, "Grab a sheet or something. These still need to go one way or the other and I'd rather do it before we take him into the house."

I kept telling myself that it couldn't be any worse than helping Mom to take care of Will when he was at his sickest from chemo therapy but for some reason my inner prude just didn't want to believe it. Finally, we were ready to go in. We had to wake Kelly up which was about like waking up an irritable hyena and she wouldn't go to anyone but Jax which meant even as tired as he was he had to put her in the backpack carrier and still carry his end of the stretcher while I carried the feet end. Ashley hovered which was an accident waiting to happen. And Ginger played seeing eye dog for Reggie who couldn't seem to decide whether he wanted to enjoy the attention or play me-heap-big-he-man-so-leave-me-alone-I-can-take-care-of-myself.

After we navigated the porch stairs Ashley had to dig the house keys out of my pocket so I wouldn't have to put my end of the stretcher down. But eventually, with only a few minor near disasters, we were finally in the house.

Jax instructed, "Let's put him on the table; it's covered with a plastic table cloth already. This way I won't have to get down on the floor to take care of him. Ginger, pour Reg into that chair over there and then get that leg up. I'm not going to ask him to strip down all the way but get the t-shirt off of him – be careful not to knock any scabs on his head off or he'll bleed all over the place – and then cut those pants open up to the knee on the side the dog got a hold of." He took Kelly off his back and handed her to me and said, "She needs a potty break and then can you …"

"Just let me grab the first aid box for you and I'll take her. Ashley, Ginger, give Jax a hand. He knows what he is doing – he took EMT training – but he's only got two hands and I need to make sure y'all have a place to lay down after he's done. Reg … when Jax is finished I'll have something to take the sting out of your eyes."

Reggie, still playing tough guy, said, "Not a prob. Take your time."

I shook my head at the weirdness of the male species as I ran up the stairs with Kelly who was all agog at the sudden increase in people in the house. I took her to the half bath in my parents' bedroom and as she did what little girls everywhere needed to do I realized I had a very big decision on my hands and was slightly freaked about it. Where was I going to put everyone? The house had four bedrooms and it looked like two, possibly three couples though I still wasn't sure about Ginger and Reggie although she was showing rather predatory signs for there to be nothing between them.

I figured Ashley and Aston could go in the guest room with the little attached sitting room giving them room to spread out if need be. Then there was Will's room. I cringed at the thought but Will wasn't ever coming back so I decided to stick Reggie in there knowing my brother wouldn't care one way or the other; he was obviously well taken care of in Heaven so it was stupid to build a shrine to him here on earth.

That left two rooms … my room and my parents' bedroom. They had the biggest bed in the house – a king because Dad was a bed hog – while my bed was barely a full size. Jax and I had been moving from guest bed to my bed and back again depending on where we just happened to crash. That wasn't going to work anymore. In the end I blanched and decided I would worry about the woolie boogers it gave me later.

I ran and got Kelly's portable crib and all of her other paraphernalia and put it in the corner of my parents' bedroom. Then I grabbed Jax's clothes and stuff, dumped them in a laundry basket and then onto the middle of the big bed to be put away more neatly later. Next I ran to my own bedroom. I'd always been pretty much a minimalist when it came to personal effects. My mother's eccentricities would have driven me crazy if I hadn't been. As it was I could move nearly everything in the storage boxes and tubs that my mother had labeled in her nearly typewriter like handwriting. Even so it still took a while to get most of my most personal items out of the one room and into the other. I went to the hall bath and grabbed Jax's shaving stuff and my stuff and tossed them under the sink in the half bath.

I was in the middle of tidying up the guest room when Ginger found me and barked a surprised laugh. "Oh … my … God. Are you seriously changing the sheets?! And dusting the curtains?! You are aren't you? Geez, will you stop channeling Martha Stewart already!" She laughed again but it wasn't nasty … more like one friend poking at another for a humorously eccentric habit.

I sighed and said, "Just shut up and help will you? My mother would spin in her grave if I put you guys in dirty bedrooms."

Ginger tapped me on the head as a joke and said, "Nope, not hollow." She shook her head. "Lydie seriously, don't like give yourself a heart attack. We can deal with musty sheets. Just having a real bed to sleep in is a gift from on high."

With her help the bed we were going to put Aston on was finished but then I had an idea. To distract her I said, "There's a bathroom across the hall if you want to wash your face. Just go easy on the hot water or there won't be any for anyone else."

As I was pounding down the back stairs in preparation of going to the basement I heard her disbelieving voice, "Hot water? Like from a tap? Are you kidding me?!"

I startled Jax bounding into the kitchen. "Uh … sorry. Um look … I've got a box of stuff we … we kept around for Will. It … well I'll just get it and you'll understand."

Jax was getting used to my strange hairs and starts so only nodded as he went back to cleaning a nasty looking wound on Reggie's calf. Ashley left Aston's unconscious side and followed me down to the basement where I was scrambling around looking for a particular box. She said, "That one on top says Will."

I stepped back and looked up and gave myself a thunk on the forehead. As soon as I saw it I remembered putting it up there the previous week. "Thanks," I told her. "I'd be looking until next Juvember if you hadn't seen it."

"What's in there? Meds or something?"

"Or something," I told her. I sighed before explaining, "Chemo was really hard on Will. He'd puke so hard something that he'd … lose control of his … you know … bodily functions. Or he'd be so weak that we'd have to let him use a bed pan and that can get … er … messy. Accidents happen. If Aston is going to be out for a while or unable to … to get to the bathroom … might be better if we pad the bed so it isn't a problem."

"Oh."

I stopped and looked at her. "Ash, don't take this the wrong way but are you up for this? It … it might be … uh …"

Instead of folding she seemed to straighten up and surprised me. "We took care of my grandpa … my dad's dad … so he wouldn't have to die in a nursing home. My folks didn't hide any of it from me. And they expected me to help. That's what you do when you love someone. You … you take care of them when they can't take care of themselves."

Tilting my head and looking at her I said, "I always wondered how you understood so well … about Will I mean."

She shrugged. "It isn't something you go around bragging about because that's not why you do it."

We looked at each other and I understood a little bit more about why I liked Ashley when a geek like me had a lot of reason not to. Then she turned and I saw the burn. She saw me looking and tried to turn away but I wouldn't let her. "We need to take care of that. Does it hurt? Geez, sorry, stupid question. "

Stubbornly she said, "I won't take anything that will hurt the baby."

"Burn cream won't hurt the baby and it will keep infection out that could. Let's get this upstairs and start getting you to drink more. Getting dehydrated won't help you, the baby, or that burn. I've got some powdered Gatorade that will help with your electrolytes. What flavor do you like?"

Instead of answering me she asked, "Is this your house? I mean … you know … your house from before."

"Yep."

"It's … it's really pretty. Jax said your parents were kind of … of … um … different."

I snorted a small laugh despite the situation and said, "Yeah, you could say that. Look, I'll show you and Ginger all over but it's gonna have to wait." We were about to go back up the stairs when I stopped and turned still holding the box. "Ash, are … are Ginger and Reggie a couple?"

Ashley shrugged. "Reg was … was interested I think … maybe a lot interested … maybe a whole lot interested before everything went crazy. They were lab partners in biology and he'd do things like do all of the dissecting and gross stuff so that Ginger didn't have to; and do it so the teacher never caught them at it. Ginger just … you know how she can be. Reg was a little too serious about how nice he was and it freaked her out a little. She didn't want to hurt him but he … he scared her some. Then the world ended and Reg kept his distance but we noticed that he wouldn't let anyone mess with Ginger. You know Ginger could be kinda … you know … like her mom and … uh … always looking for love with the wrong guys. A couple of times guys thought she was being a tease and … well if Reg hadn't been hanging around, things could have gotten bad. And when the three of us started to keep our distance from Matt and everyone else, then we noticed that Reg was doing the same thing and he … I don't know … suddenly was one of us. I mean he still has these walls and stuff but he's actually kinda cool when he lets you get to know him. And he is a lot smarter than he lets on; Aston says maybe as smart as you and Matt."

I shrugged, "Cool. We need more brainiacs in the world."

Surprised she asked, "Seriously? You don't have a problem with Reg being super smart? Maybe … maybe smarter than you?"

I snorted. "Are you kidding? Contrary to gamer mythology no one really wants to bear the full burden of civilization on their brain cells all alone. If he brings some brain juice to the party, more power to him."

Ashley grimaced and said, "Geez Lydie, you can be so weird."

I smiled proudly, "Yep." Changing the subject I told her, "And just in case you want to know but are too polite to ask, Jax and I share a bedroom and I've put you and Aston in one room too."

Quietly she said, "Thanks. What about Ginger and Reg?"

"They've got their choice. Either, or. But if Ginger is smart she'll take it slow. Reg may want her but he might not know what to do with her if he catches her all of a sudden without expecting to."

She put her hand over her mouth and I realized she was trying not to smile. "Oh, I … I shouldn't be laughing … not with Aston upstairs and … and …"

Her smile turned to tears and she was trying to control them just as much. I put the box on the stairs and held it there with my hip while I gave her a hug. "It's just relief, that's all. Adrenaline and stuff. But you're safe right now. I can't promise for always but we'll do the best we can. Right now you just need to focus on you and the baby … and Aston … and getting your feet under you."


	24. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 1

_**The Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 1**_

I slid down the wall beside King Kong's cage and listened to Kelly babble about babbits and chickies and I haven't got a clue what else. I was almost all give out but I knew if I could just hold on for a few more hours I would be able to start putting my biological clock back in order. Not the biological clock most people reading this are likely thinking of but the kind that is regulated by your waking and sleeping patterns. Humans are meant to be awake during daylight and asleep when it is night. When we don't or can't keep to those patterns our natural rhythms can be disturbed and our health can suffer. I wouldn't have expressed it like that then; mostly I would have just said in addition to being tired I felt like crap after too many all-nighters.

Cleaning the animal cages wasn't the only chore that I had done since we got home. First there was getting Aston settled upstairs; no easy task since our front staircase had a landing in the middle that made a ninety-degree turn before it reached the second floor. The back stair case was even worse; it was steep and had a landing half way up that actually doubled back on itself like a switchback road. Once on the second floor I directed Jax to the guest room and he gave me the squinty eye. I told Ashley that there was a small sofa in the sitting room that was a pull out that she could use until Aston was up to having company in the bed.

By that time Reggie had finally made it up the stairs using Ginger like a crutch and I got him laid out on the bed I'd made for him. "I'll get it cleaned up in here better tomorrow if that's OK."

Even not being able to open his eyes he must have sensed something and Ginger explained to him, "It's Will's room."

He shook his head slowly and said, "Hey, I can sleep on the sofa."

I sighed. "Thanks Reg but … but Dad would go crazy if he thought that I was turning the house into a mausoleum of memory to them. This house is over a hundred and fifty years old … parts of it were built before the Civil War … and several generations have lived and died here; it's a home not a museum, and is meant to be lived in and not locked up like some fragile heirloom. Besides, Will wouldn't begrudge you, he wasn't like that." To shake off what I was feeling I told Ginger, "C'mon girl, you're next."

We walked in and I knew I had made the right choice. She turned to me and said, "Thanks. I … well … I like Reg but I think we both need …" She fidgeted then said, "I want to be his girlfriend before we're bed buddies. No way am I ready to wake up and find myself in the same condition Ash is in. Not to mention twins run in my family."

I blanched at her words and then turned to find Jax standing in the door way looking a little closed off, like he wasn't quite sure what to think. I mentally sighed and left Ginger taking stuff out of her backpack and walked with Jax over to the remaining room. What had been my parents' room. What would from that point forward be our room if I hadn't managed to muck things up.

We got inside and I turned and quickly closed the door and then wrapped my arms around his middle and buried my head against his chest while Kelly watched my strange behavior from over his shoulder in the baby back pack. "Jax please don't be weirded out. Please. I … I couldn't stand the idea of anyone but us in here and I know it might take some getting used to and … and it is a mess … and …"

I felt him tilting my chin up and when I looked I nearly melted in relief because he was smiling just a bit. "I was wondering how you were going to work things out. And no, I don't mind. I just … uh … thought maybe there was a reason why we didn't use this room. I mean this is … was … your parents' room but …."

I sighed in relief. "Mostly I just didn't think about it at first. But then when I thought about it it seemed … I don't know … kind of momentous and I thought we would make something special out of it … out of moving in here. Only here it is and we're scrambling around like drunk monkeys trying to fit everyone in unexpectedly."

"Drunk monkeys huh?" he said smiling a little bigger.

"Yeah well … you didn't see me trying to move everything around up here while you were playing Dr. Frankenstein downstairs, trying to put everyone back together. How are they anyway?"

We turned loose of each other so he could take Kelly off his back and put her in the playpen. While he did that he started his explanation. "Reg is probably OK but I won't know for sure until the swelling on his eyes go down. Ashley knows what she is doing in the first aid department and got them both as cleaned up as she could under the circumstances. That's probably what helped them the most at this point. She couldn't have done anything for Reg beyond what she did. When the swelling goes down we'll see if his eyesight has been affected. He might be light sensitive for a while at the very least so we need to find him a pair of sunglasses. Aston … Aston is another matter."

My gut clinched and I asked, "Is … is he going to make it?"

Jax's sigh was troubled and uncertain. "Only looking at the surface I would say if given time almost assuredly. But on the way here he told me there is blood in his urine and I don't know if that is just bruised kidneys from the beating or if there is some kind of internal bleeding or something else. Those women got him with a couple of really good kicks in the gonads. One of the guards did the same thing just to be cruel. He's … pretty bruised down there. He's also got something going on with his ribs so I've wrapped him up the best I can and we'll have to watch him real good, especially for pneumonia. Not too many places he doesn't look beat on except for the back of his head; his lips are split but the nose isn't broken and no signs of concussion in the eye that isn't swollen. In that respect if you want to call it luck, he got lucky. I got a couple of Tylenol down him but I'm afraid to give him anything stronger until I can tell if there's something more serious going on."

"What about Ashley's face?"

He sat on the edge of the bed and said, "There's no way around it; she's going to have a scar for the rest of her life. There are a few things that might help minimize it but it will still be pretty bad unless she can have plastic surgery at some point or skin grafts or something all of which are way beyond us. I don't think she cares right now as she is otherwise focused but I'm sure she will at some point. Getting her to drink that sports drink was a good idea. They all should do it for a couple of days until we can get them fully rehydrated. By the way, Aston should only have a clear liquid diet until we're surer of his condition. Reggie should stick to something soft until his nose and mouth start healing which means someone will have to help him eat or you can put it in a mug for him. Ashley needs to get on prenatal vitamins stat but I …"

He stopped, grabbed his head and started shivering which scared the bejeebers out of me. "Jax?!"

When I reached for him he pulled me close and clung for dear life. "Lydie I don't have the training for this. I've only got a year of classes under my belt. Aston and the rest, they need a doctor … a real doctor … not some wannabee. What if I mess up and one of them suffers for it? Permanently suffers for it."

I pushed him back and realized he was as close to panic as I'd ever seen him, much less imagined him to be. I remembered my Mom sometimes having to take care of my dad instead of the other way around. She always built him up. I asked her about it once and she said it was one of the biggest responsibilities a wife could have, to step in when her man's confidence deserted him. I wasn't Jax's wife … I figured we were working on forever but I wasn't living in lala land … but I could do what Mom had always done. "Jax, we don't have a doctor … but we do have you. You have more training than any of us. And you can learn more. You don't give yourself near the credit you deserve. We … we can find you books and stuff if the ones in the library aren't enough. And I know home remedies and stuff like that. We'll figure it out … you aren't alone Jax. I'll do whatever it is you need because I believe in you … I trust you."

I kept holding on as he held me and I felt his shivers subside. Soon we were kissing and then the kissing turned pretty desperate. Right when I was ready to forget all common sense Jax broke it off despite the fact that he sounded like he'd been jogging up Clingman's Dome. He muttered, "Bad timing. Sorry."

"Not bad timing … no privacy. And there's little eyes watching us from over there."

That made Jax jump and I barely caught myself before I laughed at the expression on his face. "Take it easy Jax, she isn't scarred for life. I saw my parents making out a few times and it didn't hurt me any. It isn't something I ever wanted a steady diet of and I always pretended like it totally grossed me out but it was actually kinda cool to know they were still so into each other after so many years together."

His ears were a little red and he scratched his head like he tended to when embarrassed or frustrated and said, "Well, being into you isn't a problem but … uh … maybe we could bring that wooden screen up from the parlor? I'd … uh … well …"

I smiled and told him I thought it was a great idea. He was definitely passed whatever had tripped his switch with the shaking and what all but in the aftermath of that and our brief bought of passion he looked completely drained. Then I had a solution. "Jax, why don't you put your stuff away up here. That way you'll be close until you're sure about Aston and how long you can leave him at a time. It will also give the others someone to call if they need something though I'm going to try and convince them to sleep if they can. I'll take Kelly and go take care of a few things outside that really can't wait much longer. The animals need to be checked at the very least."

Tiredly he said, "On one condition." At my questioning look he answered, "That you don't try and empty the trailers yourself."

I nodded. "Not empty it. I may take a few things out but not much … those clothes mainly if I can get at them. And we need to go back to those house trailers to get the girls some clothes and probably the guys too if we can find any to fit."

He puffed his cheeks and then blew air out. "Yeah but not today … maybe tomorrow or the next though I wish you didn't have to go. I don't want you near those spiders again."

"You let off the bug bombs and I'll just take precautions."

"Yeah, I know … but still. And what we really need to do is talk about what is going on in town and I'd prefer it to be just the two of us at first."

"To compare notes?" I asked him.

He didn't even try to deny it. "Yeah. I want to make sure the two stories we heard match up before we go too much farther."

So I took Kelly while he stayed in the house. The chickens and rabbits were fine and I even had a couple of dozen eggs to collect which I did with much fuss by the nastier biddies. I knew I would need to cull some of the birds before winter but I couldn't be sure how many until I saw how many of the last batch of chicks survived passed hatching.

The rabbits needed a good brushing but I couldn't give it to them right then. I did replace their water bottles with fresh but they only sniffed at them before being more interested in me cleaning up their piles of poop pellets which meant they weren't thirsty and had enough while we were gone. I went out to the fish pond and noted that the water was a little low but not dangerously so I left the sluice open and while I was out there I threw them a couple of scoops of fish chow … some sinker, some floating.

Next came the garden and I was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn't a total disaster. I got a good rattle snake watermelon and decided I would juice it and then turn that into a watermelon sorbet for the next day. The broccoli wasn't doing too well in the heat so I cut what I could and decided to leave the rest to go to seed. The cabbage could wait one more day and then I would cut it and make some canned slaw. The keeping potatoes needed to be dug up and put in storage and the sweet potatoes looked ready too but I wouldn't know for sure until I dug a hill out to check. I decided that could wait as well. I harvested the winter squash that was ready and then marked off the ones I was going to leave to make seeds. Everything else was just going to have to wait.

I was just sort of leaning there, hovering over a butternut, when a garter snake slithered across my feet nearly making me wet myself. "Ok, that's enough. Time to take a shower and wake up."

Kelly knew what that meant and started getting excited. The little exhibitionist loved the outdoor shower and would have played in it for hours if we let her. I tramped back into the house and found Ginger just sort of dazed and sitting at the kitchen table. She looked at me when I came in and said, "Shower. A real shower. With soap and shampoo and hot water … and privacy." With a strange look on her face she asked, "Have I died and gone to Heaven?"

I shook my head. "No. But you're loopy enough that you need to go lay down. Has everyone else showered? Did you have enough of everything? Towels, shampoo, that sort of thing?"

I pulled her to her feet and pushed and guided her up the stairs. I hadn't been kidding about her being loopy. In tears she turned to me and said, "You … you even have pads. We're all out in town. We've all be reduced to using … using …"

I shook my head and told her, "Enjoy it while you can. Nothing lasts forever kid. Eventually we'll all be using whatever there is, just like in the pioneer era. Now come on, time for Ginger to go nighty night before she face plants on the stairs."

I had no sooner got her taken care of than I came out and found Reggie feeling his way out of his bedroom door. "Reg?"

He jumped but then said blandly, "Need to use the facilities."

"Oh ok. Take two steps out and then turn to your left. Then about five steps and if you put you left hand out you should feel the bathroom door's frame."

He reached his destination and then said, "Thanks for not asking if I needed any help."

I snorted, "After having my brother throw some serious fits for being too helpful I learned my lesson."

"Ah so Grasshopper," he said in a very bad Chinese accent. "You have learned well."

We both snickered though it really wasn't funny. But I still hung out at the door of our bedroom until I was sure he could get back to bed without taking a header down the stairs. I turned to ask Jax how it was going and found him leaning against the dresser asleep where he'd been putting away his socks. I decided not to wake him but instead grabbed some clean clothes for Kelly and I and quietly left to go back downstairs after finding Ashley dozing in a chair beside Aston who was fast asleep but looking a little better nonetheless.

The shower felt good and I was finally getting used to sharing one with a squirmy little toddler. I noticed she was getting heat rash on her hindquarters and reminded myself that we'd gotten butt butter at the feed store; and that if the rash didn't get better by morning I'd find the cream and take care of the rash before it got bad enough for her to be in pain.

Feeling a bit perkier I took Kelly and went to the tractor barn and put her in the swing we'd tied to a metal cross beam. Holding her captive every time that we wanted to do something wasn't a perfect solution but Jax and I figured it was the best we could do under the circumstances. Opening the back of both trailers I found that the loads had shifted. How I found out was that I had a bunch of stuff fall out and onto me. Kelly thought it was a riot, me not so much, but at least it wasn't anything too painfully heavy.

I had promised Jax I wouldn't try and empty the trailers but since a bunch of stuff had already fallen out I figured I might as well at least get that stuff where it could be put away. The bolts of fabric were easy; I put them in a cart to roll over to the house and put in my mother's sewing room. One whole wall was devoted to her fabric and it was sorted by color pallet for the most part. My intention was to try and continue that except for maybe some of the specialty material like denim and unbleached muslin which would get its own section. The bag of notions would also go in there. Absolutely no way was I going to unload all of the fabric so I stuck to what had fallen onto me when the door was opened.

I gave up trying to dig out the clothes; I would have to move too much stuff to find them. I did take some of the feed bags out of the other trailer and pour them into the empty metal drums that we used for that purpose in the animal barn but after that I found I had used up all the perkiness that the shower had given me. I slid down the wall listening to Kelly blather in another swing we had strung from the rafters in there and that's where Jax found me about a half hour later.

"Hey, I thought I asked you not to try and empty the trailer," he said trying not to sound like he was in a snit.

Giving him a look I told him, "I didn't try and empty the trailer, the trailer tried to empty itself … onto me. If you don't believe me ask your daughter, she thought it was funny. It was just easier to pick stuff up off the ground than stuff it back where it had come from."

I had to explain in more detail what had happened as he sighed and sat down beside me. "Sorry … feeling a little cranky and out of it."

"Not a prob Handsome," I told him obviously a little loopy and out of it myself. "How's the house?"

He smiled and said, "The house is fine and so are all the people in it. Even Aston is doing better … no blood where there shouldn't be any."

I sighed in relief. "Well, that's good news."

He tempered my relief by saying, "Still need to keep a close eye on him but I'm less worried than I was. Now you however, are starting to look a little crispy around the edges and need to lie down."

"I definitely plan on making an early night of it but first we need to compare notes."

He nodded. "You feeling up to it?"

"Better now than later and at least we have some privacy out here. I'll go first." I sketched out what the girls – mostly Ginger – had told me and he added what Reg had told him which was pretty much the same thing only with some guy-specific details like the model of trucks they had driven and the types of guns they carried and what the women in the group looked like.

"Aston was out of it the whole way home. But yeah, basically the timelines and details are the same. Reg told me a few …" Jax stopped and gave me a troubled look.

I asked, "Does it have to do with Matt? That he and Marty …"

He nodded and then insisted I repeat that part of our conversation as well. When I was finished his hands were in fists and he said, "I'm sorry you had to find out like that Lydie."

"So you knew?"

"Not before … but after we were cooped up in the school together I heard stuff I hadn't heard before and put two and two together. I never wanted you to get hurt like that and Matt and I … well we had more than one discussion about how he'd behaved."

I looked at him trying to find my anger and realized it had evaporated. I snorted. "I must be fickle or something because it doesn't seem to matter anymore. I just can't find whatever bone in my body used to care for him. Maybe you'd be better off …"

He turned and pulled me up sharp by saying, "Uh uh … don't even go there. Ever." Calming down a bit he said, "I'd like to say that how Matt has behaved is in the past and doesn't matter, that we can forget about him, but the truth is … it could."

I shook my head. "I told you it's over for me Jax. Don't care anymore; almost to the point of wondering if I ever really did."

"For which I shall be eternally grateful. But there's the big picture to consider."

I must have been more tired than I thought because it took me a moment to piece together what he meant. I shook my head again. "It's a fallacy to think that random past performance automatically predicts specific future performance."

He scratched his head, "And if we were talking mathematical theorems or statistics I would say you're probably right. But we're not. We're talking about human nature and personality. Think of it this way, it is a lot easier for a good person to break the habit of goodness and suddenly go bad than it is for a bad person to break the habit of badness and suddenly go good."

"You think Matt is a bad person?"

"I think Matt is an arrogant jerk with some chunks missing from his self-esteem and that he uses people to plug those holes or to play roles that help me fulfill some preconceived idea he has of himself."

After a stunned moment I said, "Wow. You've … uh … you've given this some thought haven't you."

A little sheepishly he said, "After Kelly and I left with you I guess I … just wanted to find every reason for you to get over Matt. On the other hand, I didn't want you to hurt any more than you already had. I … uh … wanted to be able to change your mind if … if you decided to give him another chance."

"Another chance? No chance," I told him with absolutely finality. I reached over and kissed him thinking he needed the reassurance. Instead he pulled me into his lap and held me.

"I really am sorry Lydie. I know Matt was your … your first love and … and all that … that it means and …"

Aw. He was so sweet. But I had realized something. With Matt it was all just academic between us … a little camaraderie, a little friendly competition and a particular understanding of the thing that is geekness. Beyond that there was a lot of fantasy on the gamer boards but no real action on it in the real world. With Jax it was totally real all the time … and almost from the very beginning. Sure I was using my head which I've always considered a good thing … but where with Matt it had been my pride that went with my head, with Jax it was head and heart all the way which flavored the relationship completely differently.

It took a little bit to get him to understand but by the time I was finished he was definitely satisfied with my explanation and believed it wholeheartedly.

Still holding me Jax said, "We're straying from the topic we are supposed to be discussing."

"Yep," I told him with a grin.

He grinned and shook his head and then picked me up out of his lap and put back over by King Kong. "I can't think with you ... never mind. We need to get serious about this Lydie."

And just as suddenly all the play had left the space and we were indeed very serious. "I know. I suppose the first question we need to ask is how likely is it that the … I guess let's just call them the barbarians since it really does seem to fit … how likely are they to branch out from the town looking for stuff? And if it is likely what exactly would they be looking for?"

"Good first questions," he answered. "I asked Reg and he said that most of them seemed to be big city type people. He said they'll try it but not until they've exhausted everything in town and immediately around town and from there they'll be stuck making a go of it on foot. The primary reason they stopped where they did was because they were out of fuel."

"So they scavenge some fuel from in town and poof, they're mobile again."

Jax shook his head, "Nope. Remember fuel supplies were already low before the terrorist attack. After it DHS siphoned all of the gas stations and known fuel depots in the area. After DHS left town those of us that remained had to siphon from all the cars and things like that we could find to keep the generators up and running in the school. Matt made the choice to go in the direction of solar rather than biodiesel because he said it wasn't worth splitting the resources to do both."

"Two is one and one is none," I muttered.

"Huh?"

I shrugged. "Something Dad used to say, remember?"

"Yeah but I thought he only meant as far as supplies go."

"Usually that is what he meant but sometimes he'd say it when he was talking about building redundancies into our plans. He meant that it was never good to be completely dependent on any one system or one method or one source. Always have a back up … and two or three or more back ups was even better."

"OK, I see how that applies here but while we've got it going on thanks to your dad, Matt was looking for the free with the least amount of work involved to get it. He was also trying to stick with that environmental crap he is so freaking in love with."

I cocked my eyebrow and said, "Obviously you now feel free to fully express your feelings about your cousin."

He shook his head. "Don't get me started Lydie. I did hold back some of what I've been thinking and feeling because I didn't want your feelings to get hurt but this … this whole direction thing that Matt was taking is one of the biggest reasons he and I started avoiding each other as much as possible and why I think he started edging me out, minimizing any impact I had on the group. He doesn't like being questioned and he didn't like that I kept putting ideas in people's heads that he had to compete with and come up with reasons why his ideas were better or more right."

I realized right there that Matt had made a bad mistake. Jax was smarter than he let on, or maybe was smarter than he realized he was, but more than that Jax had experience that none of the others could even touch as far as building and maintaining mechanical systems of any size. "Matt should have put you in charge of pulling things together, not shut you out. At a bare minimum you should have been in on the planning."

"If I agree does that make me as arrogant as him?"

Hearing the true concern in his voice I assured him, "No. It's just realistic. Dad trained you but you still had to pull your weight. You were good enough that the big bosses kept you on out at the mill even after Dad died so you are also a quick learner. A good leader would have exploited that kind of resource, not thrown it aside like it was useless. If Matt missed something so obvious how many other things did his miss? And how did everyone not see that he was bluffing his way through leadership?"

A voice from the doorway made Jax and I jump and I nearly cussed myself no not having my rifle closer to hand. "Matt's a fast learner too."

"Geez Reg!" I shouted at him. "You are so lucky I didn't shoot you!"

"Ginger was worried about the same thing when she saw you walking around earlier with a … a rifle?"

Jax had gotten up and gone over to check on him. "Yeah. A rifle. Where is Ginger?"

"Asleep at the kitchen table. She helped me down the stairs but ran out of steam. We didn't know where both of you were so I stepped onto the porch and heard voices and decided to see who it was. You know that kid has a pretty good set of lungs … what the heck is a babbin?"

I snorted. "Babbit, not babbin. And she means Rabbit. If you listen you can hear them scrambling around in their cages. They aren't familiar with your scent and are a little fritzy at the moment."

After a moment he said, "Hey … hey yeah … I can hear them. Uh … it … it sounds like a lot of them or is it an echo?"

"No, we eat a lot of rabbit though some I breed for their fur. We got chickens too so you might be hearing some of them."

"Yeah." After a minute while we fixed a place for him to sit so he could prop up his leg he said, "Look, you were talking about Matt. I'd like in on it. You know that … that Matt is smart enough to be dangerous to you out here right? To us now that we've thrown in with you?"

I hadn't gotten that far but Jax said, "We were starting to discuss it. But before we … uh … let you in on it, why do you care what we think?"

He seemed to hesitate and then said, "Because I don't want to become a play thing for those freaks that have taken over the town. I … I'm in no shape to fight right now and even if I was, taking on all of them would get me dead or worse real quick. I just … just want some peace for a while. I think you do too Jax or you wouldn't have run off with Lydie when she came to town last time. That means using our heads, strategizing ways to deal with the invaders. Ignoring Matt's place in the scheme of things would be a mistake in strategy."

No hesitation so I knew he really believed what he was saying. Jax said, "You know he's my cousin."

"Yeah and my brother and dad were what they were to me, but they still treated me like crap. I had to sleep on a pull out in the basement when my dad brought home his latest live in because they usually had kids that needed a place too. The only key to the house I was allowed to have was one to the outside basement door. I had to come and go from my own house like a blasted mole because I was an embarrassment to …" He stopped and fell silent. "Look, all I'm saying is that blood may be thicker than water but they both spill just about the same."

Softly Jax said, "Fair enough. Now tell me why you think Matt is a problem."

"How can you not see …"

Calmly in the face of Reggie's agitation Jax answered, "I didn't say I didn't see it. I'm asking you to tell me how you see it."

After a silent moment, one that he seemed to be trying to figure out if Jax was fooling or not, Reggie finally said, "Like I said, Matt is smart enough to be dangerous. And he can be charismatic when he wants to be. He's got the ability to explain things to people in such a way that whether they originally mean to or not they wind up thinking just how he wants them to think. Some people escape … like the girls and Aston, like me … but most people have to be away from him for a while before they can shake the effect he had on them."

I wanted to scoff but couldn't as I knew it was the truth even if it wasn't the whole truth. "If you are talking about me maybe you're right … and maybe you aren't. I still haven't figured out if Matt fooled me or if I fooled myself. And I get cranky when I think about it too much … you really don't want to make me cranky, especially not when I'm the chief cook and bottle washer around here."

That got me a surprised laugh. "You always were alright Lydie. But you sure you're over him?"

"Like I just told someone else … second chance, there's no chance."

He nodded carefully. "Ok, so we are mostly on the same page. And the reason I saw through him was because he was too much like my old man. My dad believed he could sell yellow snow to Eskimos and for the most part he was right. He'd win all the time, make the sale, make the deal, earn the award … but when he did fail, when he did lose, it was big and noisy and nearly wrecked all of the other stuff he ever did. I watched my brother trying to be just like him and always falling way short; he was good but he was never going to be as good as our dad because my brother lacked the sociopath gene."

"Now hey, that's going a little far don't you think?" I asked. "Matt isn't a sociopath."

"I didn't say he was. Neither was … or maybe is depending on where he's at … my dad. But there is a facet of them that is. They are really good at fooling themselves into believing something so much that other people wind up believing it too even though it isn't anything but a big lie. And to make sure that the illusion – or delusion – isn't dismantled they'll go to any lengths, up to and including anything immoral."

Jax said, "Assuming we buy what you are saying how does that apply here."

Gathering his thoughts Reggie finally explained, "Matt believes he can control the barbarian invaders the same way as Emperor Valens did in ancient Rome."

Jax gave me a "what the heck" look so I did some quick thinking and said to Reggie, "OK, I get the reference. Valens thought he could control the Barbarians by making it so they were so busy fighting each other they'd leave the empire alone."

"Exactly," Reg said excitedly as he realized I could compute his conversation. "But it's more than that. Matt thinks of himself as superior to the town invaders, the same way the Romans saw the Barbarians during ancient times. And just like the Romans made a lot of mistakes, Matt is doing the same thing. You should see how those gang leaders laugh at him behind his back and he doesn't even realize it. Don't get me wrong, they still want what he says he can provide … enough not to mess with him too much … but not enough to give all his crew a break. So … I think Matt has been making sacrifices with his troops. If you've messed with him or questioned him too much he turns you into a sacrificial lamb … to appease the violent nature the invaders have. The dumb among them think that they've pulled a fast one but the gang leaders pretty much suspect what he is doing because they've probably done the same along the way."

Troubled I said, "You make Matt sound so … so mercenary."

"Lydie what you have to understand is that Matt … Matt has changed. We all have. All the flaws in our characters have either been fixed or exaggerated. Take Sas as an example. Guy was big and strong … but was handicapped in a sense because despite looking like he could tear your head off he still did things like take a mangy old squirrel to the emergency animal clinic when he accidentally hit it after it jumped out in front of his bike. He was even too scared of hurting anyone to learn to drive. The only place he could be violent and tough was in an online fantasy world because it was nothing but make believe. When the world cracked open and swallowed us all whole Sas couldn't handle it so he switched places with his avatar and brought his online world to life … it got easier to believe the fantasy was real and that real life was just a fantasy and couldn't hurt him."

"Fine," I said stubbornly. "Matt is cracked just like the rest of them. I still have a hard time …"

Reggie grew frustrated and turned to Jax, "Explain it to her."

I thought Jax was going to tell him to go pound sand but he surprised me and said, "Matt … Matt is a bit of a narcissist. He usually kept it under control but it was always kind of there. But at the same time Reg is right … he's got a lot of charisma and pulls it off most of the time with everyone thanking him for it."

"You too?" I asked surprised.


	25. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 2

_**The Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 2**_

Matt nodded and sighed. "Yeah, me too. But unlike Reg I'm thinking that maybe Matt is better able to pull it off than he thinks and might not fail. And I also agree that he's a fast learner too. It is how he has been able to keep so many things under control and separate from one another … how he has managed to keep things from blowing up. So maybe, just maybe, he can set himself up to be indispensable to these creeps or close to it. I'm not sure how that is going to play out though."

Shaking my head in frustration I said, "Fine. Whatever. Say I'm willing to accept at least some of what the two of you believe; I'm still not seeing how that has anything to do with whether or not we are going to have to worry about these barbarian invaders – oh for Pete sake, I'm done with hyperbole – the refugees. What has Matt got to do with whether or not the refugees come out into the county?"

Reg explained. "Unlike the barba …"

"Reggie let's stay planted in the real world. Call them what they are … they're just refugees."

"Whatever Lydie. Call them the Golden Horde or anything else. A rose by any other name. OK?" At my groan of irritation he finally caved. "Fine. They're refugees. But don't make the mistake of underestimating the damage they can do or over sympathizing with them. Yes, they're displaced people and are hard up … but they're using it as an excuse to run amok."

"Obviously," I replied sarcastically. "But you still haven't connected the dots for me."

Then Reggie being Reggie said, "Then let me lesson you on it Grasshopper and stop being so hard headed and wanting to believe the best of everyone … and that includes the refugees you just took in." Sensing I was ready to walk in irritation he reached out and after a couple of misses managed to grab my forearm. "It isn't that I don't appreciate it Lydie because I do and I know the others will when they get their head on straight. But have you even thought about what four extra people is gonna mean for you guys? Are you prepared for the added strain on your supplies of food and water and everything else?"

Trying to calm down I told him, "If you are worried about being tossed out because I start having second thoughts then the answer is you are worrying over nothing. I went to town the first time prepared to invite a bunch of people to come live here. It might not have been realistic but I was prepared to do it and had worked out most of the logistics. But only Jax and Kelly … well, sometimes things happen the way they are supposed to even when you don't think so at first. And while it is going to take some smoothing out we can get through the winter just fine on the supplies we already have and in the spring we can plant and work from there."

"You sure?" he asked.

I realized he wasn't just being a donkey's behind on purpose but was honestly unsure and worried. "Yeah Reg, I'm sure. You can't see things right now but … but it is a good set up my parents left me."

Hesitantly he asked, "Sweet enough that Matt will want it?"

That startled me. I looked at Jax and realized he'd already been thinking along the same lines for some time. "Oh for …," I growled. "Do you really …? Geez, you do. Look, I'm saying you're wrong for a couple of reasons. One, Matt has never been to the house. Two, Dad's rules were that I … well I didn't talk about what we had; family business was family business and no one else's. You'd be amazed how everyone assumes that everyone else lives the same way they do and never thinks to ask. Three … and yes, OK, I'll admit it … Matt could be a real snob. The few times him coming to my house for something came up he always talked his way out of it and I got the impression that he thought we lived in some really old, ramshackle house that ran on a generator because we couldn't afford to keep the power on any other way. That I made my clothes because I couldn't afford … just … look, for whatever reason I never corrected him or when I tried to he thought it was cute and then changed the subject because he acted like he didn't want to embarrass me. At the time I thought he was being nice, but now I'm not sure. He always did believe what he wanted to believe. I'm not sure of a lot of things where Matt is concerned but the one thing I do know is that he is probably pretty clueless about the home place."

Jax asked, "Are you sure Lydie? This is important."

I turned to him and answered, "I've told you several times how things stood. Besides, he didn't have a car and I did. When we got together it was because I drove to town, not because he came out here."

Reg was unwilling to give up on the idea and said, "He could look up county property records, survey maps, that sort of thing."

"Yeah, well 'that sort of thing' would probably lead him on a wild goose chase even if he had GPS." When it was obvious they were waiting on an explanation I told them, "It was the utility co-op's fault. Dad had a running battle with them and when the county resurveyed out on our end for those subdivisions and infrastructure changes they purposely fudged things to pay Dad back. Only what they didn't know is that Dad couldn't have been happier about it. Somebody would have caught it eventually but when the economy really tanked and those subdivisions never got built and were abandoned the county folks kind of avoided coming out this way to check on the shape things were in … because if they did they might have to do something about how everything was deteriorating. The aerials and surveys for the last forty years would have shown trailers and farms out this way that aren't there anymore. Some were bulldozed by developers, some were gobbled up by other farms or bought as investment property or as hunting preserves by out of state people. But either way, you'd need to really know geologic land features to be able to figure out what you were looking at. Even the roads have changed; for example, what I call the driveway replaced another road that got washed out in a flood about five years back; the maps still have the old drive that no longer exists and doesn't show the new one at all. The further back in the county records you go the fewer aerials you are going to have until finally you are just using hand drawn maps and plot lines and some of the old landmarks don't exist either so trying to follow something that says 'seven paces north from the east bend in Ruckman's creek' will get you nowhere … especially since Ruckman's Creek dried up back in the 1920's and never came back."

Reggie said, "But they could still follow other landmarks. I bet Ruckman's Creek used to be where Deep Hole is now."

"And you'd lose that bet. Everyone knows that Deep Hole is connected to the Ruckman family but not everyone knows it is only because it used to be a rock quarry they owned and operated in the late 1800s and early 1900s. The flood of 1936 caused the Ruckman-Delaney Canal to back up and collapse. The canal was the water way they dug to drain water out of the quarry when they hit a series of natural springs during their excavations. The quarry was already going bankrupt when the flood struck so they never tried to drain it and it filled up and eventually got renamed Deep Hole. Dad knew the Ruckman's, they'd been good friends with his grandparents, and the quarry is where we used to dig out gravel for here on the farm and where he got the granite to line the sluiceways for the fish pond which is why I know all the back story."

Jax interrupted me. "We're drifting off the topic. Not that I don't appreciate the history lesson Babe but … Look even if you are right and Matt doesn't know anything about this place specifically – which I still find hard to believe – he does knows that when they run out of food in town the only place left for them to salvage from is going to be the countryside. And generally he will know where to look to find out where the biggest farms are that would have supplies, possibly even including some fuel." He looked at Reg. "You got even a guess as to how long that is going to be?"

Reggie seemed to be relieved to finally have someone to really discuss it all with because obviously he'd been thinking about it for a while. "It depends. We were still finding stuff every day before the … er … the refugees arrived. We had a pretty good stash before they arrived and Matt has some tucked away in various locations as part of the backup plan he'd made in case we had to abandon the school for some reason. I'll give him points, he made mistakes but he rarely made the same one twice and he did at least try to seem like he cared about everyone's well-being. I don't know, listening to you maybe I am being too hard on him but … but at the same time I think it is more that he needs to see himself a certain way so he does what he has to live that fantasy … Geez, I thought I had this figured out and then you come along and …"

He was grimacing and gently rubbing his head like it hurt but was too sore to touch. "Reg, you should be in bed," I told him.

"Not until we finish this. This is important."

"Not as important as your health."

He snorted cynically. "I might not have any health to worry about if we don't get some things ironed out. I know you might not think so Lydie, but I … Jax and I both … think that eventually the refugees aren't going to have any choice but to look outside of town for food. We've got a month … maybe … before things get bad enough that the guys that are in charge now get their people ready to rock and roll and look for places that are easy pickings."

"Couldn't they just pick up and move to some other town?"

Jax asked, "With what? Their looks? Remember they don't have any fuel and somebody is likely smart enough to know they need to settle on a base of operations before winter settles in."

Reggie said, "Some of them have talked about heading south for the winter but I don't know how really invested they are in the idea. Some of them seem to be worried if they go too far south and the military or DHS catches them they might be close enough to the border to simply be deported … or maybe even 'shot trying to escape' if you catch my drift."

I sighed and decided to stop being so difficult and cooperate since Jax and Reggie were obviously really serious about it. "There is only one farm family out this way that I know of and we aren't talking a handful of people but a few dozen. I don't know for sure but I suspect that the Houchins clan has already picked a lot of the big farms clean. They would have had to just to keep their crew and their farm animals fed and provided for. I don't even know for sure how many there are but I know it's a lot … enough that they can patrol not just their gates but their whole border and do it in shifts. And they're armed, even their women and girls. They also don't like visitors so I wouldn't look to them for help." The last I said a little angrily but then shook it off.

Jax asked, "No one else?"

"Jax, don't you think by now I would have told you if I suspected anyone else was out this way? Mr. Houchins might know if there is anyone left elsewhere and I suppose we need to let him know what is going on in town so that he can prepare." I tried not to be resentful that I was going to yet again do for the Houchins when they'd turned me away but I knew it is was the right thing to do and what my parents would expect of me. That led me to my next thought. "When Dad's aunts and uncles sold out and moved away it was during a time when a lot of family farms were going under. Plenty of places were allowed to go fallow and just were never brought back online. The interstate is closest to the other side of the county. We've got one state highway that runs through this area and even that is still closer to town than to us. Everything else is either county roads or farm roads that have become common use. I don't see how they'd maximize their results by starting on this side of the county."

Reggie said, "Let's hope that if Matt has started helping the refugees to plan their salvaging runs that he thinks along those same lines."

Jax said, "Hope is good to have but it isn't a plan. We need to figure out what we are going to do from now forward."

Irritated that the plans Jax and I had been making would have to be put on the back burner until we could ensure we were safe, something I hadn't really had to be concerned about until that point which shocked and depressed me more than I was willing to show. "Well we can't sit around waiting for something that might never happen. The potatoes still need to be brought in. The last of the apple and pear trees need to be harvested. We have two trailers filled to the gills that need to be unloaded. The last of the corn needs to be brought in out of the field and the over winter grains planted. I still want to try and catch those goats and we still need to do some hunting … especially feral pigs … so we can stock the smoke house."

Then Reggie added another worry to our pile when he said, "Hopefully there'll be some pigs left for us to hunt. The refugees bring in at least one or two every day to feed themselves with. If they knew about your animals they probably wouldn't last a week before they were all dead and in the camp pot."

Jax said sarcastically, "Great, now we have to worry about them over-hunting the animal populations." He growled, "So what are they killing the pigs with?

"Guns," Reggie dead panned.

"Very funny. Ha. Freaking. Ha." After another growl Jax said, "Seriously Reg … rifles, 9 mils, shotguns, what?"

Reggie shrugged and then winced a little and rubbed the back of his head again. "All of the above. These people aren't really hunters so if they waste some meat it isn't any big deal to them. All they care is see it, kill it. There's pigs all over in town so they hardly have to even hunt them. They are desperate but dumb, know what I mean?"

We both sighed and said, "Yeah."

Jax asked, "But they have guns? How many and what about ammo?"

"Yeah, they've got guns … or at least about half of them do. As far as ammo I haven't been able to get close enough to anyone to ask. They don't seem worried about running out though."

Jax said, "Which means either they have a good supply or they are dumb as stumps and can't think beyond the end of their nose."

"Or both," I said.

Reg cocked his head and said, "You sound concerned. Don't you have guns around here?"

I saw Jax squint at him suspiciously but all he said was, "It isn't a matter of what you have but if you have enough of what you have."

For some odd reason Reggie gave a huge grin and said, "Finally, I can bring something to the table that buys me in."

"Excuse me?" I asked feeling a little insulted without quite knowing why though in hindsight it was because it's like he didn't trust our hospitality was real and without strings.

Jax told him, "Stop fooling around Reg and make sense."

Grinning like a fool Reg said, "You got more fuel for that big truck right?"

"Maybe."

Stilling grinning Reg said, "You know the Caulderman Brothers?"

Jax and I both stiffened up and little. I said, "I know who they are but I wouldn't brag about actually knowing them."

"The older one … Bud … he and my dad graduated highschool together. They … kept in touch."

Impatiently Jax asked, "Is there a point to this Reg?"

Being too tired to keep the game up long Reggie sighed and slumped back. "I'm not bragging just explaining how I knew them. They were in county lock up when DHS rolled into town and they got hauled off to where ever they took the rest of the prisoners that day. But I know for a fact that they'd just taken a big delivery – I heard Dad and Bud talking about it over beers out in the backyard a couple of nights before the brothers got arrested for not paying some court ordered fine or other."

Jax said, "We don't need drugs unless you plan on poisoning the refugees and turning them all into addicts."

Reg snorted, "More than a few of them already are addicts of some flavor or other though they are being forced to detox and it isn't pretty to be around. And besides I'm not talking drugs. Bud and his brother had gotten out of that line because they didn't want to have to deal with the Mexi and Puerto Rican gangs. They had gotten into something more profitable."

"More profitable than drugs?" Jax asked in disbelief but I knew what he meant.

"They were running guns."

"Ding, ding, ding. A lollipop for the little girl that for some strange reason knows a lot more about those things than she should." His statement was almost a question inviting an explanation but no way was I going to explain that I'd run 'shine and heard stories and been propositioned a couple of times to do some other running; not even Dad had known about that.

Jax looked at me suspiciously and I shook my head. I told him, "You hear things sometimes. And it's not like it should be that big of a surprised after the interstate commerce restrictions they'd put on guns and ammo. People don't like it when their 2nd Amendment rights get messed with."

Reg broke in and said, "Sure. But it isn't all altruistic. Certain types of people are more than willing to make a profit off of that type of outrage. And the Caulderman Brothers are just that type of people and I happen to know the likely locations of several of their stashes and I'd like to see us get them before anyone else does. And I'm pretty sure it wasn't actual guns this time but parts and ammo supplies … small stuff they planned on moving quickly."

Jax asked, "Are you sure about this Reg? We don't have time for a wild goose chase."

"I'm as sure as I can be. I overheard my dad tell Bud one time that he'd give me up if I screwed a deal up so I always acted spaced or stupid about it and Bud was just a big scary guy my dad knew that I didn't want anything to do with. Nothing for them to be suspicious of so they didn't need to notice me or anything. But I still listened in because no way was I going to wait around for the house to fall in on me if one of my dad's schemes blew up in his face."

I was having a hard time reconciling what I thought I knew about Reggie's father with what I was finding out. It and everything else was giving me a headache. "There's too much to do in too short a period of time. You say we have a month maybe. Let's just say we do have a month because they'll start where it is more profitable to salvage from first which means the other side of the county. During that time we have a lot that has to be done. The crops need to come in. The trailers need to get emptied so I can get to the tractors. You want to go collect goodies from a criminal's stash. But you've also spooked me and I don't feel safe leaving the home place unattended anymore. Add into that the girls at least need some more clothes which means more salvaging and more being away from home. And I suppose it might not be a bad idea to salvage a few other places if we are going to have to be out anyway so long as it is away from an area the Houchins might have staked a claim to. And speaking of, we need to let them know what it going on so that they can make their own preparations. All of that and I haven't even touched on finishing the canning for the season, taking care of Kelly, and all of the other day-to-day chores that need to be kept up with and I'm sure I've left things out."

Jax scooted over and put his arm around me. "One step at a time Lydie. Stop looking at the list as a whole and break it down into bite-sized pieces."

I had a smart aleck remark on my lips but I held it back because I didn't want Jax and I to be at sixes and sevens, especially not with everything else that was going on. Reggie added his bit. "My eyes already feel better just from you putting those hazel things on them."

"Witch hazel pads," I corrected without even thinking.

"Yeah, those. Anyway maybe another day, two at the most, I should be able to see well enough to help go after Bud's stashes with Jax. We move at night, maybe take Ginger with us for some extra hands, and that leaves you to hold down the fort, help Ashley with Aston, and do what all you gotta do. In the meant time we plan the rest of it out as well as we can." Then he stopped and got a little uncertain, "I mean if … uh … if that isn't … look, it's no big deal …"

Jax looked at me and I rolled my eyes. Simple animals my behind; guys and their feelings are even more complicated than girls are. Jax reached out and fist bumped Reggie's shoulder. "Good to have you on board Reg. Too bad Matt preferred to be a dictator; we could have kicked butt operating more like a council."

A slow smile spread across Reggie's face. "You got that right. Share the load, make it lighter for everyone. If everyone brings something to the table you've got more resources to work with. We'll kick …"

Wanting to gag on the testosterone wafting on the air I interrupted and said, "Yeah, yeah, yada, yada, cave man, blah, blah, blah. I don't know about you all but I'm getting hungry and since the kitchen isn't magic that means I gotta cook. Let's go back to the house and check on the others and I'll get started."


	26. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 3

_**The Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 3**_

The next two weeks went by in a blur. Reggie's eyes improved though he continued to look a little like a doll someone has squeezed too hard and the eyes had bugged out. But at least the swelling started to subside and he was able to see after a fashion and didn't constantly need Ginger as a seeing eye dog. Well, he didn't need her but she wasn't shy about offering her services just in case. All Reggie really needed to do was protect his eyes from bright light and not over tire them; that meant the running around he did with Jax at night was perfect for him. Me? Not so much. It was very hard to stay home while those two, and sometimes Ginger, went gallivanting around the county. I know it helped all of us out but I felt left out after being the one to …

Oh well, it really doesn't matter after all these years; just memories that have come back to twit me here and there. Taking the long view it was a good thing that I hadn't had any real desire to be empress of my little kingdom. I think for the guys it was enough to swallow that they lived in my house on my land and it had all started out as my idea. They didn't suffer from what some of us girls back then called testosterone poisoning but I'm pretty sure living in a matriarchal society would have been too much for them to deal with. Actually I didn't consider that a bad thing; if you need to fight the last thing you wanted was for your army to be full of metrosexuals that were too concerned with chipping their nail polish or ruining their eyeliner. Contrary to some opinions, real women aren't much into men that spend more time on their hair than they do. This is just as true today as it was back then.

It didn't necessarily have anything to do with them being real guys, but had I demanded more or forced them to give more than they willingly did it might have destroyed the accord we developed. I was pretty sure if our positions had been reversed I would have felt the same way. Besides, the accord was a good and constructive thing that got better as time went by with only the occasional bump in the road … like seven people having to share the same indoor shower on a system that was designed to only serve four people. We wound up having our first council meeting over that one.

Nervously I agreed to start the meeting out. "Let's skip the calling to order and all that pretentious crap OK? Ashley wants to keep minutes and I'm cool with that if everyone else is; it might actually come in handy at some point. I just don't want to turn this council thing into a farce." As everyone agreed I got down to business. "OK, I don't want to go all Mother Bear about this but you've got to be more careful with how much water you are using, especially hot water. The tanks are being run dry every night and yesterday I even had to haul water in from the pump just to get dinner cooking and clean up afterwards. Until I can figure out a way to increase the capacity you're going to have ration yourselves … especially the hot water. I mean I don't mind showering outside right now but it ain't happening in the winter, not even for you guys."

Obviously making an effort to take it seriously Ashley asked, "What can we do? I don't like taking cold showers, but a cold shower is still better than no shower."

I told her, "In the winter no shower might be what we wind up with at this rate; at a minimum we could wind up with shower rotations or something like that. See, come cold weather I have to drain the outdoor tanks and lines so they don't freeze and rupture and switch the system over to the small indoor tank that uses methane to heat it up."

"Methane?!" Reggie barked in laughter. "You mean you heat hot water with farts?!"

Leave it to Reggie to channel George Carlin. "You should take that act on the road," I sighed. "If you want an explanation it goes something like this. I take the rabbit and chicken poop and use it to keep these tanks called digesters topped up. The resulting methane is collected and used like natural gas. ( .  ) After the stinky stuff has been fully digested it leaves an organic sludge behind. I take that leftover sludge and I spread it over the fields like a wet fertilizer. My folks collected quite a bit of methane this way but, pardon the pun, the supply isn't bottomless. It's not like I have access to big animals like cows or horses that produce a lot of … er … poop." Reggie was trying to be serious but I guess like a lot of males under the age of sixty (and some even older) poop has an innate humor to it that was hard to resist.

Aston had improved enough that he was coming downstairs for a couple of hours every day and had insisted on sitting in on and participating in our "council" meeting. "Sorry Lydie, I'm still not getting it," he said, rolling his eyes at Reggie. "I thought everything here was solar. Matt thought solar was where it was at too and from what I've seen and heard about everything here – now that I'm awake enough to listen – I can't say he's wrong. It sounds kinda perfect."

Reggie leaned forward obviously interested in my explanation of this aspect of our lives as well. Trying not to make it sound like a lecture I said, "Nothing is perfect Aston. What happens to the solar if we have a week of cloudy weather? And you know that happens during the winter … and it happens during the summer too for that matter."

Reggie answered manfully holding back another snicker, "Switch to the methane?"

I shrugged. "Sometimes; but the methane production isn't a huge set up and is dependent on how much poop the animals give out and if I can keep the digesters warm enough to keep the reaction going to actually create the methane."

Ginger said, "Then there's that biofuel thingy. Or is that the methane thingy?"

I saw Reggie give her a goofy smile and had to fight a smile of my own because if anyone else had said "thingy" he would have gone into some long drawn out reason why it was stupid. "The big set up in the barn is biofuel … but it's dependent on chemicals and what we can feed it to keep it going. I'm not going to use all of our corn to make ethanol; that would be cutting into our food supply. You want to know the full details about it ask Jax. He does better on the technical explanation than I do because he helped get the system up and running – and keep it running – out at the mill."

Ginger shook her head forcefully causing her curls to spazz out. "No technical anything thank you very much. Just wanted to know what it was called. I'm officially on vacation from science class for the duration."

I did smile then. "OK. Look. Bottom line is we have redundant systems. We bring the redundant systems on line when they will give us the biggest, most efficient return. I run solar all year but the output is naturally going to be better in the summer than at any other time of year. During the winter we get the biggest kick from the BTUs of the natural gas system. Biofuel runs all year long as well but we've tried to take all the waste out of the way we use it because each system has its own needs. The tractors use up a lot of the biofuel as does the heaters for the house and the animal barn. The redundancies mean that no one system gets overloaded but we still have to use some … some …"

Jax said, "Common sense. Just say it Lydie and stop worrying about hurting people's feelings. They're not little kids and now that you've explained it I'm sure they understand better and we'll all be able to be more considerate."

It was Reggie using his non-goofy persona who responded, "Jax is right Lydie. Don't let it go until it is a problem next time. We're just used to turning on a faucet and having water and not thinking about how it got there. Having to do without was a real pain – I swear I got to the point I hated hauling water – when we were living at the school and then coming out here we just went back to old habits. But now we know that old habits aren't going to work we can make new ones. No big. Right Ginger?"

Wide eyed she said, "Uh … yeah … sure. I … uh … suppose I don't have to wash my hair like every day. Ash?"

Ashley nodded, "I guess … but that's … that's gross. I mean we're all sweaty and junk at the end of the day because it is so hot. We can't sit under fans all day long."

Feeling bad I said, "If you really need to rinse your hair out you can use a bucket of water from the hand pump outside, but I wouldn't recommend it when cold weather finally arrives unless you want to catch a cold." I inwardly cringed hating the idea of giving another lecture. "When cold weather arrives heat is going to be precious. Look, I'm not saying this is going to be easy …"

Aston coughed and then grimaced but pushed off everyone's concern. "I'm fine … but Jax is right. We'll just be more careful from here on out. About everything. It won't all come at once – like trying to learn a new way to play an old sport. Besides the water, what is the next most important thing?"

He was asking me but Jax answered. "She won't say it but she needs some help cooking and getting the garden stuff in. I'm going to turn the potato hills over in the morning but need to spend the rest of the day unloading one of the trailers so Reg and I can take it and hit a couple of places we mapped out the other night when we brought that other stuff in. Can a couple of you help take the potatoes to the cellar? There's also the last of the apple and pear trees that need to be picked over. The best looking apples go in the fruit cellar and the others are going to get pressed for cider."

The girls were looking uncertain and Aston was looking depressed but then Reggie said, "Mmmm … fresh cider. I likey." He sounded like that comedian that was called Jim Carey.

He looked so weird and goofy that we all chuckled, even Aston. The "meeting" broke up with everyone grabbing one last muffin from the basket I had made to try and soften them up. I was emptying the crumbs into the pail I used for scraps that I gave the chickens when I noticed that Jax had followed Aston out to the porch where he was going to sit and soak up some Vitamin D. The conversation was short but I knew it had to have been something special the way Aston seemed to sit a little straighter after Jax walked off towards the barn.

Being incessantly nosey I finished what I was doing inside and then used Kelly as an excuse to go see what Jax was up to. I found him stacking bags of fertilizer and soil on pallets in the old tack room attached to the animal barn. "Hey," I told him.

"Hey," he answered back with a grin.

"So … what were you and Aston talking about?"

The grin turned to a laugh. "You're worse than a cat, you know that?"

"Maybe … but you're gonna tell me anyway right?"

He smiled and then getting a little serious said, "Aston's pride has been hurt. I'm worried he's gonna have a relapse or set back if he starts giving up."

Confused I asked, "Why would he give up? He's getting better isn't he?"

"Yeah," Jax answered while he wiped the sweat off of his face with a bandana I had fashioned for him. "Yeah, he's getting better but he isn't anywhere near where he can really help out with anything. Aston isn't the kind of guy that is going to just be able to brush that off. He's already feeling the responsibility of getting Ashley pregnant and now he can't do anything really to protect her or help get things ready so that other people can protect her."

I sighed. "Oh. So this is one of those guy things that don't make a lot of sense."

He took his hat off and popped me in the head before taking the last few sacks off the dolly and placing them just so. "It does make sense and you know it. A man needs to have some pride … and right now Aston's is hurting."

"So what did you say? You obviously made him feel better."

He shrugged but then grinned sheepishly. "I asked him whether he'd prefer a rifle or shotgun for tomorrow while he kept an eye on things."

"While he does what?" I asked a little outraged. "Jax, he can barely stay upright for more than an hour or two at a time. You can't expect him to …"

Cutting me off Jax said, "I expect him to do what he can and you girls need to start letting him."

"Excuse me?" I asked feeling a little snippy.

Jax stopped and leaned on the dolly. "Aston doesn't need three mothers, three sisters, or three nurses. He needs to be allowed to be a man. That isn't going to happen if you trap him by hovering too much. Can't you see he is starting to feel useless, starting to get depressed? That's not good for his health and mental recovery. Bad enough that he got the crap beat out of him by women; it sure ain't doing him any good for more of you to keep him down."

He walked out leaving me with my mouth hanging open and just this side of being mad. But to be honest he did give me a lot to think about and by the time I put dinner on the table – with the help of both Ginger and Ashley who themselves seemed to be inordinately proud of their role in the meal – I realized that Jax had told me nothing but the absolute truth. It was also a truth that could apply to how I was working with Ginger and Ashley. I wasn't used to there being anyone else – and before that it was mostly just Dad and I while Mom took care of Will – and I was turning into my own worst enemy. I had to learn that I couldn't manage or do everything myself, that there was no need to be a martyr because there were other people I could count on.

And I tell you as the remaining days of that second week went by I was very happy to have help. It was the end of October and except for a couple of the Granny Smith apples the rest of the trees needed to be gleaned. The Chesney and Buckingham apples were our best long storage apples and we went over the trees by hand first to pick the best of the best. After that we just picked as we went and took the bushel basketfuls to the cider presses. Yes, I wrote presses as in plural.

Dad got tired of it taking forever to get all of our apples pressed at the end of the apple season; or our grapes for that matter during grape season. Plus, when we started making nectars to bottle he said it only made sense to be able to having multiple presses running at a time. He built multiple fruit presses for the same reason he built Mom more than one cheese press; because he could. (  .  ) We had four presses, two with very large baskets, one with a medium basket, and the fourth with a gallon sized basket for berries and the like. Dad did some pretty extensive experimenting with the smallest press; basically if it was soft enough he would try and press it. He reminded me of how addicted to her dehydrator Mom could get on occasion.

With all four presses going it kept us hopping filling containers. Despite the warm weather the apple crop was one of the best in my memory. All of the apple trees on the home site were standard sized. Dad just didn't have the patience for dealing with the dwarf and semi-dwarf varieties. "Them runty sized small trees are for city and town yards. We don't live in town and I see no reason to restrict ourselves."

Taking care of all the fruit that came off of those standard sized trees was another matter. A standard sized apple tree will give you anywhere between eight and eighteen bushels of fruit. That year we got close to between sixteen and seventeen bushels a tree but most years it was closer to fourteen and fifteen. Not all the trees were for cider making but there were about six trees left to deal with for that fall's crop. A standard sized bushel of apples weighs in at forty-eight pounds. And a gallon of cider usually requires an average of fifteen pounds of apples. In other words for every bushel of apples I would get between two and three gallons of juice.

I pulled out the old account books to review our harvest that year and sure enough the math went something like this: six trees times fifteen bushels equaled ninety bushels of fruit. Out of that ninety bushels we peeled and dried another ten bushels to add to what I had already done. We also put back about twenty bushels of fruit for winter use in the apple house. Another twenty bushels was split between apple butter and apple sauce making. That left us forty bushels for the cider press which we got roughly a hundred gallons of juice off of. Jax, Reggie, and Aston took twenty-five gallons of the juice and made five five-gallon casks of hard cider and another ten gallons went towards some fine apple wine. That left sixty-five gallons to bottle. Not just sixty-five gallons to bottle but sixty-five gallons of juice to find room to store.

Council time. "Uh … you know, we're kinda running outta room around here. Between you guys making your midnight runs and trying to store all the produce I'm tripping over stuff."

Strangely enough it was Ashley who yet again understood what I was feeling. "Lydie you are just like your Mom. This mess would have driven her crazy too. I remember what she was like whenever she got involved at our school functions. Man oh man."

We both laughed a little at the memory. "I'm trying not to be that bad," I told everyone. To the ones that didn't get it, mainly the guys, I explained, "My mother literally had to have everything hyper organized. It was like an ingrained personality trait; it wasn't just something she did but a big part of who she was. You've seen the attic. I grew up living like that and … and this is a little … little … challenging."

Aston said, "So what do you want? More cleaning or what?"

I shook my head and tried to smile despite the fact that Aston was being a little snotty. "I know not much can be done about it right now. I'm sure as heck not going to look a gift horse in the mouth; but space is something we should be considering as it is getting in short supply. I know Jax doesn't think that much salvage is being brought in beyond like building supplies and stuff but to me it looks like a lot because keeping it neat and organized is getting almost impossible. I guess I was more making an observation. I mean this meeting was to talk about what we had and what we needed. Or maybe I'm missing the point. It's not like I'm not willing to listen to anyone else's opinion."

It was Reggie that came up with the start of a potential solution. "Actually I got an idea. Kinda something that I had talked to Aston about when we were still in town." Reggie looked at Aston and asked, "You remember that idea we had about hiding stuff outside of town, just in case?"

Aston shifted in his chair and slowly seemed to throw off whatever had been bothering him. "Yeah … yeah I remember. It was after we found out that Matt was the only one that knew where all the stuff was that we'd been salvaging. It was supposed to be for the whole group but Mark was like keeping the locations of the best stuff secret. We didn't know whether even Sas or Marty knew where everything was although probably Sas did since Matt would have needed someone to move stuff around for him."

I sighed but hadn't meant for other people to hear it. Aston asked, "Am I boring you?"

"Huh?" I asked surprised. "Uh … no. I just keep walking into these huge billboard like signs that tell me how stupid I was about Matt." I hadn't meant to share so freely and was uncomfortable and went to stand up to refill the pitcher of juice.

Jax grabbed my hand and said, "No one is blaming you for what Matt did or did not do."

I shook my head. "It's not that. I'm not taking responsibility for what he did. I'm taking responsibility for what I didn't see. And frankly I don't like feeling like an idiot. Especially not in front of other people."

"C'mon and sit down, we don't need any more juice or cookies or whatever you were about to go get." I sat down and Jax continued. "I could say the same thing about Darlene. That's just … just life. Sometimes you just don't see things until they slap you in the face. This war or whatever it is is changing people, and not always for the good. Matt has changed. You couldn't know that because you were insulated from it by living out here. The fact is however that you do know now and you are choosing sides … our side … so let's just stay on topic."

Ginger said, "Yeah Lydie. We all make mistakes. Like Ashley and Aston are the only two I know that have stayed together as long as they have … at least people our age. And now you've got Jax and … well, it's cool. You don't need to freak out every time it comes up that Matt has seriously taken a vacation from normal. We don't blame you for it."

Reggie just looked on but seemed to relax when Aston sighed and mumbled, "Don't mind me. Matt just … I feel like he stabbed us in the back when he should have had our back."

Reggie brought the conversation back around by saying, "Exactly which was why I was talking to Aston."

Jax in an attempt to keep the conversation going in that direction prompted, "Talked to him about what?"

"Caches."

"Whatses?" Ginger asked.

While Reggie laughed and everyone else rolled their eyes I asked, "You mean storing stuff off site?"

Aston nodded. "Yeah. We didn't really have time to pull it off but we did some thinking on it. You know my dad and uncle dug basements and septic fields?" I nodded. "Well, during the summers I would help when they needed another hand. A cache wouldn't have to be as big as a basement of course."

Then a thought came to my head, "But could you like rehab an old basement or an old storm cellar?"

He gave me a considering look and said, "Maybe, depends on how old and how bad it is. Why?"

"I might know of places like that but I don't know how far away you want them from the house."

Jax said, "You thinking about the abandoned houses?"

I shook my head, "Uh uh. Only one or two of them even have basements and I figured they might be too obvious for what Reggie and Aston mean." Turning to them I explained, "Two of my dad's aunts and uncles built houses on the land they inherited from my great grandparents. About fifteen years ago they sold out to some investment company that was going to put in one of those high end gated communities but the company hit a lot of legal snags and the whole plan fell through. But not until after they had bulldozed down the houses. The investment company lost the land to foreclosure to some lender that was based in India. The lender went in there and put in planted pines because supposedly they were going to sell the trees to the paper mill later but then just basically abandoned the land when they went belly up too. The county was always threatening to take the land because the property taxes weren't being paid but they never did. You can imagine what the land looks like after fifteen years. Dad and I hunted all over that area so I know the cellars are still there though I won't go down in them for love or money."

"Why not?" Aston asked.

Jax and I answered in stereo, "Spiders."

So then the spider story had to come out and Ginger and Ashley both got grossed out and sympathized while Reggie had an evil twinkle in his eye that told me a plastic spider was likely in my future.

Aston said, "I'll have to look at the interiors of them first to make sure they haven't collapsed or don't have standing water in them. And it isn't just spiders we have to worry about; holes in the ground sometimes turn into snake dens. But if they look half way decent – even if it means shoring them up a bit – we could use something like that to maybe set up not just a cache but Reg and I talked about having a base camp to work around. Can the cellars be capped off?"

"They are already capped off; with metal doors no less. I don't know what shape they are in as the doors have rusted closed."

That gave Aston something to spend his energy on which I think is what Reggie was after. I knew he and Jax talked a lot and I decided to leave the guy stuff up to them as I had already experienced just how wrong I could read them.

By the end of October we were all really tired. It was a good tired but a bad tired at the same time. Good tired because we were really getting a lot accomplished and we were starting to work together smoothly as a team but bad tired because in addition to everything we were accomplishing we thought about everything that we weren't accomplishing.

We still hadn't managed to lure the goats out of the kudzu. Of course that wouldn't have done any good anyway because we didn't have an enclosure built to put them in. We hadn't done any hunting and we badly needed to. It was amazing to me how much food the guys could put away and the canned and dried meat I did have was not going to last forever. We hadn't culled any of the chickens and I was beginning to wonder if I should since all the additional mouths meant that I didn't have near the surplus eggs that I used to. We hadn't done any spying on the refugees in town when we really needed to know what they were up to. There were lots of things we hadn't done; the list was depressingly long.

But Jax constantly reminded me that there were the unexpected things we had accomplished that we hadn't expected to. For one telling Mr. Houchins what was going on in town seemed to soften him up a bit and he and Jax spoke of possibly doing some trading come the spring once we all saw ourselves through the winter. Then we got a double dose of friendlies when Jax and Reggie, on one of their midnight runs, crossed the county line to check out some of the farms out that way and ran into an older couple that were just about on their last leg and bad shook up because they'd been robbed the week before. Turns out they were close kin of Mr. Houchins. Jax couldn't leave the old couple so he and Reggie packed them up, animals and all, and figured if Mr. Houchins wouldn't take them in that we'd figure something out.

Oh my word, Reggie said Mrs. Houchins was crying and Mr. Houchins wasn't far from it. But while Mr. Houchins was more than willing to take his kin, the animals were just going to be too much for their laid in supplies so the older couple decided to take a couple of animals that were sentimental to them … like their hound and a couple of noisy geese … but we inherited the rest of them. Geese, ducks, chickens, and quail then numbered into the birdbrain clan I was already caring for. A young female cat that they'd rescued from their neighbor's abandoned house because it was fixed and declawed so wouldn't really survive in the wild … and it was an indoor cat which Ginger fell in love with and it with her. Sigh. Three young dogs, housebroken, that were the pups of the hound the older couple kept. Two more flaming rabbits which I suspect means that shortly it will be a whole lot more than two because it was a male and female kept in the same large cage. And to top it all off there was the parrot.

Its name was Green Bean and Reggie fell in love with the lunatic thing. It was pretty young as parrots go but someone had already taught it to talk and mimic human speech and it seemed to enjoy attention. Luckily the cat and the parrot were friends or I can imagine the trouble that would have led to even if the cat was declawed. The dogs learned really quickly that Green Bean was king but after the pecking order was established things settled down in the house. I just wish they had stayed settled down everywhere else too.


	27. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 4

_**The Unholy Roamin' Empire - Part 4**_

"Lydie," Jax said in a voice that was devoid of emotion yet full of it at the same time. "I'm … I'm pretty sure I killed a man ... maybe more than one … probably more than one."

I was cleaning the cuts and bruises on his hands and face while Ginger did the same for Reggie. Aston was teaching Ashley how to clean the guns that had been used so that they could be reloaded properly.

Reggie added, "You ain't the only one Bro. I mean we knew we'd eventually run into others just like in town. I knew I could pull the trigger. I … I just … man … I wasn't expecting this … this feeling it leaves behind."

I sighed and told them, "I'm just thankful neither of you were hurt."

Reggie exclaimed, "What do you call this?!" He pointed to some road rash running down his ribs where their attackers had tried to drag him away from the truck.

In a sternly quiet voice I told him, "I call that better than being shot."

Green Bean suddenly interjected a faux tommy gun sound making us all jump. I thought about parrot fricassee while from the sofa where she worked to help Aston Ashley said, "I still don't understand how the military got involved. They aren't supposed to get involved with … with civilian stuff are they? I mean, The military and the CIA aren't supposed to … you know … operate on … I don't know what it's called I just know they aren't supposed to do it."

Aston said, "They aren't supposed to operate on US soil but I'm not sure how valid that is when we've been attacked and there is a congressionally declared war."

"Is there a congressionally declared war?" I asked, surprised. "I thought that … well … I haven't heard that it's official."

We all just kind of looked at each other uncertain. I mean they were calling it a war. The government had been evacuated from DC. We'd had terrorist attacks on our home soil. But none of us really knew how official things were. But that was someone else's problem that day, a sharp hiss from Jax as I cleaned out a deep scratch near his belt line from where he'd run through a bunch of old blackberry canes reminded me we had more immediate problems on our hands.

The way things started was that Jax and Reggie had decided to locate one of the last of the Caulderman caches and try and bring it in for relocation into a cache of our own. The cache was located off the road and on a hunting lease the brothers' uncle owned in the next county over which meant that the guys would have to park and walk in to reach it.

When he and Jax had started their nightly excursions Reggie had suggested, just to be on the safe side, that a cover story that they were out hunting would be sensible. They'd used it enough that they could say it and have it really sound like the truth. In a sense they were hunting, just not a traditional kind of quarry. Unfortunately the type of men they ran into weren't looking for an explanation; they were the shoot-first-and-who-cares-about-anything-else types.

Details were and have always remained a little sketchy of that night but it goes something like this: They were walking in, using a significant amount of care like there might be wild animals on the loose. Turns out there were a few over a dozen of the vicious kind, but luckily for our guys they were mostly either toked up on weed or on their way to being drunk. Later Reggie hypothesized that the group had been looting, and probably practicing home invasion, for quite some time.

Jax and Reggie might have been townies to a much greater degree than me but that didn't mean that they hadn't spent their fair share of time in the woods playing games like man hunt or going camping and fishing with friends. They knew how to walk in the woods without attracting a lot of attention and that skill had come in handy a couple of times since they started their enterprise. As they worked their way towards what Reggie had said was the main base camp on the acreage Jax had spotted a semi sober patrol of three men about five seconds before the patrol spotted them; that five seconds probably saved their lives. They started running pell mell back to the truck which was luckily down slope.

Jax was both taller and faster and made it to the truck before Reggie and had gotten it started. Reggie stumbled and got up but it slowed him down just enough that as he was jumping into the truck the fastest of the bad guys grabbed him and dragged him back across the gravel road; that's when he got the road rash. Jax went into action and there was a brief shoot out while Reggie broke free of the one that had started to pound on him and reached the safety of the truck. Reggie then drew his own gun and covered their escape while Jax put the truck in gear and took off.

The truck bore several shotgun scars but luckily from that perspective the only other damage was a crack in the rear window that was small enough it could be repaired with one of the DIY kits Dad had stocked for our farm equipment. I wasn't really concerned about the truck having shotgun holes in it but was more concerned that the guys had almost had shotgun holes in them. There is no simple DIY kit for that kind of injury and I was glad they'd been able to escape.

The rest of that night's trouble came when as they were barreling down the highway and nearly ran smack into a military convoy clearing the roads outward from Ft. Campbell. They were in the process of meeting another convoy coming from Chattanooga direction. Jax flew under an overpass and then around a bend to find a roadblock ahead of them; but before they could get turned around the overpass had been blocked off behind them essentially bottling them up with no way to get across the deep ditch on either side of the roadway. Well of course the guys were ordered to stop with the most persuasive part of the command coming out of a barrel of some freaking big gun mounted on one of their Humvees. It took about thirty minutes of hard questioning for the military patrol to buy their story. But buying their story came at a price; the guys had to lead a squad back to where the crapheads were camping out.

Jax said it was like they were drafted and he was worried they wouldn't be coming home one way or the other. They weren't exactly under arrest but they weren't free to go their own way either. Basically they were told to do their duty as citizens and join the party clearing the area of bad guys. When it was over with neither Jax nor Reggie could agree on exactly who fired the first shot and which bad guy fell first.

They led the military personnel to the overgrown pull out they'd used to hide the truck, found evidence that there had been a shoot-out in the form of a few blood drops but no bodies were around. That reinforced that our guys were telling the truth but it only meant that they would have to lead them deeper into the wooded terrain towards where they had run into the baddie patrol.

Like cannon fodder, Jax and Reggie were put in the front but neither one of them played the fool. Quietly as they could they moved through the trees and underbrush until they could hear some cutting up, cursing, and raunchy laughter. When they saw a bunch of men around a firepit drinking and carrying on Reggie told the military squad what he remembered of the set up. Two guys from the squad did recon and agreed with Reggie's drawings in the dirt but they added a few details like some vehicles parked about twenty yards off from the three trailers that were grouped in the clearing behind the fire pit.

A trained military unit against a surprised dozen or so bad guys? No contest; it was a massacre. Even with their ability to return fire with upgraded weaponry the bad guys didn't stand a chance against a trained and cohesive force; especially given their inebriation which slowed their reaction time down significantly.

"When it was all over – and if I had to guess it didn't even take twenty minutes from the first gun shot to the last and then clean up – the leader of the military squad just made a call to something named the aid and litter team and told them they weren't needed and that they'd be back shortly. They just started walking away like it was nothing," Reggie said with a little bit of reluctant awe in his voice.

Tiredly Jax had agreed. "I had ran to catch up and ask what they were going to do with the bodies that were just laying everywhere and what were we supposed to do. I didn't know if they expected us to wait for the authorities or what. The gut shot ones were already starting to smell gassy and I knew something would be at them before morning."

Shuddering since I'd smelled that smell a few years earlier when a cow on a neighboring farm had panicked when it had stepped on a wasp nest and caused them to swarm and had subsequently ripped itself open trying to go over a cattle fence. "What did they say?" I asked.

"The guy I took for the squad leader was maybe about mid to late thirties and had this piercing stare; hard to tell with him all decked out in combat gear but I'll admit I was honestly rethinking opening my mouth. Then he just looked at me and Reg and shook his head before saying, 'We'll inform the local Guard Unit of the location. As for the rest of it, I can't tell you the smart thing to do but were I you and I had a few hours like you're going to, I'd take advantage of it. Times aren't going to get any easier. If these scum bags used our caliber we wouldn't be standing here talking but since they don't I fail to see the good of us wasting any time around here. I wouldn't leave that truck unprotected for long though. You never know who might be out on the road these days, curfew or not.' I was going to ask him what he meant but Reg came up and elbowed me and told the guy, 'Yes sir." I swear I've never heard him that polite for as long as I've known him."

I had decided that I loved Jax, that I really did, but he had a streak of idealism that looked great on a live hero but just plain sad on a dead one. Reggie saved me from having to reply and let my opinion slip out by filling in the final piece. "As soon as they left the clearing I was gathering anything that looked remotely worth salvaging. Jax started to help as soon as he'd accepted reality."

"I still don't get why they did what they did," Jax had mumbled as I had slathered his lower back with a mustard plaster to get rid of the soreness he'd been feeling. I taped it over so that he could put a shirt back on without staining it yellow.

I looked at Reggie and he at me then I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could. "You two got lucky. Had those guys had anything that military squad had needed or wanted they would have been on it like locusts on a field of grain. I suspect had they known about the Caulderman cache they might not have been as generous."

Reggie added, "Kinda sloppy of them not to have checked out the trailers if you ask me. They didn't even check out the vehicles to see if they had any gas in them."

Jax said, "They did check them … but I think all they were looking for was to see if there were any more of the bad guys, nothing in the buildings seemed to register."

"Well it sounds like if Reggie hadn't known about the hole under the workshop floor it would have been easy to miss. And if they were city boys I'm not sure they would have recognized the still. You told me the trailers just had a mess of beer and canned goods in them with sleeping pallets and packs of personal items belonging to the baddies. Remember, the military is supplying the squad's daily needs. God help us all if it ever comes down to the military units being forced to provide for themselves; either they'll go AWOL and run home to their families or they'll take it any way they can just like during the Civil War. It will be the War Between the States and Sherman's Army all over again."

Everyone had gotten a troubled look on their face at the historical reference I had made. You just didn't grow up in our neck of the woods without knowing what I meant; not unless you were dumb as a post and three-quarters blind at the same time.

Aston had gone on to continue an earlier conversation on how important it was to start caches of our own and create camps where we could rendezvous in case the home place got over run. Finally though the guys were patched up and everyone was completely busted down tired. I thought I had everyone but Aston convinced to go take a nap and they filed away. Ashley and Ginger went to "freshen up" or something like that before laying down for a little while. They promised they'd take care of dinner. Reggie went up the stairs as did Jax while Aston moved to the front porch with some binoculars to keep an eye on the road coming in.

I picked up Kelly and put her in a sling on my back and went to continue the chores for the day. I was coming up from the fruit cellar when Reggie nearly scared me out of a year's growth. At his mischievous look I told him in an irritated tone, "I thought you were going to lie down."

"Tried. Too keyed up," he muttered turning serious.

I nodded then when he still didn't say anything I asked, "You ok?"

He shrugged. "Getting over it." He looked at Kelly. "Can she understand what we're talking about?"

I shook my head. "No, she's too little and is blathering something about the ducks and geese. Let me put her in the swing if you need to talk; she might not understand but she's getting heavy as all get out." We walked over to the fish pond and put her in the little swing we had set up over there so she could be distracted by the ducks. "So, what's up?" I asked him.

He sighed and asked, "Is Jax really up for this?"

"Up for what?"

"This. The way things are."

"Of course he is. What makes you ask?"

"Don't get me wrong, Jax is a good guy and he's someone I'd trust with my back in a fight. Just he seemed … lost … or … or … I don't know."

"You mean when that military squad blew the baddies away."

"Not that exactly. More like when he had to do it … make the kill shot himself rather than someone in authority or whatever."

"You didn't exactly sound that untouched by having to do it yourself."

He shook his head. "Like I said, I'm surprised how it made me feel but I'm … it … Look, it just isn't bothering me like maybe it should. Like it seems to be bothering Jax. Those guys would have killed us if they'd had the chance. Probably have killed their share already because I know for a fact about half what we took away from the camp didn't belong to the Caulderman family … specially not that all that jewelry and money we found."

With absolute conviction I told him, "Thinking about the consequences and understanding them doesn't stop Jax from doing what he has to when he has to. He's just a lot deeper than people have ever given him credit for being."

Reggie shrugged, "I just don't want to see the guy struggling like Aston is."

Admitting it yet trying not to be judgmental I stuttered my reply. "Aston is … is …"

"Yeah, he is," Reggie said so that I didn't have to find the word I was looking for. "That's the problem. Aston has always seen himself as a good guy. He hated it when an opposing team used unnecessary roughness to score. It's not only that he thinks it's wrong, he thinks it is in bad taste or something stupid like that. You get what I'm trying to say?"

I nodded, "Sure, but he'll come around. You just can't ask him to do something that goes against his principles. Same with Jax."

He smiled cynically, "You mean unlike you and me."

I rolled my eyes. "Stop trying to get everyone to think of you like a jerk with no morals. You aren't like your dad. You aren't a sell out like your brother. And you aren't like your mom either. You aren't unprincipled, you're just a realist. Even if you did know the Cauldermans that doesn't mean you would ever act like they did." I snorted when he turned a bright shade of pink. "What you are Reg is a survivor; so am I. The difference between us and the others is that we've had more practice at it than they have. Jax has too, he just has Kelly to think of and set an example for and that's always in his mind. Back off and cut him some slack. Did he freeze when those guys almost had you or did he do what needed doing?"

Reggie nodded. "Yeah he did and that's why … look, I just don't wanna see nothing go wrong with what we're building here. I don't … don't …" He stopped, wiped his mouth then scowled at the ducks in the pond. "I just don't want to lose anyone. We got something good, we could have something great. That's worth fighting for. I just … need to know if other people see it like that too."

"Well ask him Dork," I told Reggie. "I can say what I think but you're so hard headed you aren't going to be satisfied until you've heard it from the horse's mouth."

Reggie turned his scowl on me and said, "Maybe I will." He then limped off towards the house finally leaving me in peace to think about what he'd said. I fed the fish and decided it wouldn't hurt anything to catch some of the finned population so that I could filet and can it. I had my note pad out and writing down a few ideas like also making some fish Kelly chirped, "Dadddeeeeee!"

I jerked my head up and saw Jax leaning against a tree. "Hey! Shouldn't you be resting? Or are you too keyed up to rest too?"

"Too?"

I nodded, "Yeah. Reggie was out here just a minute ago. I hope he went back to the house."

He nodded but asked, "What did he want?"

I snorted. "Just Reggie being Reggie. I think he is more affected by that fight y'all were in than he is willing to admit and he's projecting or something.

Jax left the tree and came over to help me to seal of the metal drum where I kept the fish food. "Projecting? Projecting what?"

"I think he was trying to ask if you felt the same way he did about what happened but he got all squirrely about it. He all but said he's worried that something is going to mess up what we have here."

Doing a little projecting of his own Jax asked, "And he thinks I'm going to do the messing up?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. I think he is more worried about Aston. Just like Aston sees himself as the good guy, Reggie has always seen himself as the outsider and borderline bad boy though he could never quite pull it off to those that really know him."

"And you really know him?"

I was starting to get some weird vibes and looked at Jax's face which was a little on the chiseled side at that moment. "Tell me this is not about … uh uh … you wouldn't go all … all weird on me at this point would you?"

Jax turned to look at me and saw how I was reacting and relaxed. "Maybe," he admitted. "A little bit. I feel like I'm … I don't know … maybe a day late and a dollar short. Reg and Aston have known you longer and …"

I snorted. "And more to the point I've known them longer. Aston still carries a bit of a chip on his shoulder about him being forced to accept my help in school. The boy has too much pride just because he comes from the poor side of town. Reggie … to be honest I think he and I are almost too much alike in some respects. We'd kill each other eventually if there weren't other people around to take some of the heat off of us." Leaning against the tree with Kelly on my hip I asked, "You want to hear how stupid I felt for a few minutes when Ginger was asking about what our relationship was?"

He grinned and I swear to goodness it was a little bashful. "You were?"

"Yeah I was," I admitted. "But I got over it really quick because I trust you. Don't make me feel stupid for it." I abruptly turned and started walking to the barn leaving him staring at my backside and thinking on the fact that I didn't particularly appreciate his worry.

He caught up and took Kelly from me and put her on his shoulders. She loved it when he did that. He also put his arm around me. I didn't point out that it left Kelly's boot-covered foot bouncing perilously close to my face. "So … I know you have to be thinking about stuff," he said.

"If by stuff you mean I'm wondering how many more times you guys are going to run into baddies and how long it will be before the baddies start running into us then you're right."

A little chagrinned he said, "Actually I was talking about how we were going to find some privacy to take care of … of the fact that we haven't … uh … anyway I suppose what you're talking about is more important."

Guys, I swear. I pulled out from under his arm and grabbed the bucket I used to fetch chicken feed with. "Actually I think they are at least equally important but what I was thinking about might interfere with what you were thinking about so I'd like to do something about the problem."

He grinned and said, "Yes'm, I've about had my fill of things getting in the way." Then he got serious again as he put Kelly in the little run we'd built so she could work off some energy. He offered to help but I shook my head so he sat and said, "I've been worried about the refugees from town coming out this way when it looks like we've got homegrown trouble that is just as bad. I … I recognized one of those guys as someone who used to work at the mill."

"Did it make it harder? To shoot at him I mean."

He shook his head. "Actually made it easier because I knew just how mean that guy could be. I wasn't guessing what he'd done and if he really was a baddie but knew it because I'd seen him take a pipe to one of the foremen. It's what got him fired. The guy had anger management issues in spade."

"OK," I said as I scooped the feed into the five-gallon bucket. As I put the bucket on the dolly to make in easier to move I said, "We need an early warning system."

"You're right. No way we can pull off the same thing that Houchins and his group are doing. We can't watch our borders and at the same time get any work done. We just don't have enough people."

I asked, "You think we need more people?"

"Right now? No. And I'm not sure in the future either. We've got enough going on under one roof with just the six of us … plus Kelly and plus Ashley is what four months along now? We've got to be thinking of that coming event too." He disentangled Kelly's fingers from his hair and then said, "I've got some ideas. First off, those wireless cameras like they used in pawn shops. If we can get them placed in strategic locations and then set up a security desk in the house …" He stopped on a sigh. "It is going to take power and I'm not sure how to pull it off."

"We could deal with the power issue with solar panels but a wireless system has some limits to it. They normally only come with four channels which means that you can set up four cameras. Closer to the house we can run wires and have wired in cameras … assuming we can find the cameras."

"OK, then on that same vein how about trip alarms?"

"You mean like driveway alarms?"

"Yeah. Definitely for the road in and out but I'm thinking some in the woods as well. We'd just need to figure out how to set them so animals wouldn't set them off. But we also need to think about reinforcing the house and outbuildings. I know things are already pretty tight but they could be tighter."

Yeah, they could be. We spoke of some things that could be done but eventually I finally got him to go lie down and rest when it was time for Kelly's nap. In truth I needed him to give me some space. I had some much to think on. A lot was going to be asked of me in the coming days. A lot was going to be asked of all of us.


	28. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 5

Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 5

I know local kids tell stories about the old days to scare each other around the proverbial campfire. I know some of those stories are little more than tall tales that have grown around such stories as those about the Caulderman caches; but, since this memoir is to set the history of that time down accurately before it gets conveniently erased or "corrected" I'm unfortunately going to have to disappoint all of the treasure hunter wannabes out there. The caches were not a duplication of Ali Babba's cave. We got all of them. So stop digging holes in other people's property!

In reality all of the so-called Caulderman caches were fairly small; usually three or four ammo cans in size each so that they would be easy to hide and easy to carry off in an emergency. And what was in the caches wasn't necessarily all ammo. Of course there was ammo but there was also reloading supplies, firing pins, magazines for various calibers and makes, cleaning supplies like gun oil, and miscellaneous repair parts. We did pick up a lot of stuff from the incident at the Caulderman uncle's hunting hideaway but that was more because of what was brought in by the people that had taken it over than the cache itself. And that uncle wasn't exactly a fine, upstanding citizen so who knows how much of it had been stored by him. We'll never know for sure because none of the Caulderman family ever returned. If you look in the old public records of the time you'll find one of the brother's names on a list of prisoners who died during some kind of riot or other in a prison camp but there is no proof of what happened to the rest of the family. They all just disappeared.

So many people disappeared from the public records back then – the loss of life was too great to keep up with and so many record depositories were damaged if not outright destroyed. I know for a fact some people simply changed their name and gave themselves a new identity so that they could have a new start. They tried to completely disconnect from their past because it was too painful or too different from what they wanted in the future. But you can never completely disconnect from your past, you bring too many skills and experiences with you into your present life.

Take the three guys in our group as a good example. All three of them, like almost any boy who grew up in our neck of the woods, knew how to shoot. You didn't have to be an Olympic grade marksman to know which was the business end of a gun, but suffice it to say that Jax, Reggie, and Aston could hit what they were aiming at most of the time, even if it was moving. And they might not have been gun smiths but they did know the basics and they were smart enough to know what books to use to help them repair the guns that needed repairing and keep the guns we had cleaned and maintained and ready for use. All three had grown up using their hands so it was no surprise to me when the three of them kind of hijacked the planning and implementing of our defense.

Most of their spare time for next week was spent converting the attic cupola into a guard tower of sorts. Dad and I had done most of the work over the years as we converted the attic into Mom's temperature-controlled storage facility. We left the original stairs up to the attic but closed those stairs off from the rest of the house with an antique door that matched the other down stairs doors. We'd already run all new wiring and done all of the decorative stuff like repair the oculi – small round windows that are mostly decorative but do let light in as well – re-plastered the walls, added solar ventilation fans, added ridge and gable vents, and reframed and repaired the large cupola. We also built a wooden spiral staircase up into the cupola. When it was too dangerous for Will to go outside I used to help him go up into the cupola so that he could look all around since it gave a three hundred and sixty-degree view of the homestead. There was a bench up there he could lie on. Dad said the cupola had been his hideout when he was growing up too and he had done his best to make it a retreat for Will. But we no longer needed a retreat and the cupola was repurposed.

When the cupola was finished with its makeover the guys turned their attention to the opposite end of the house and turned an area down in the basement into an armory. That meant moving a lot of supplies around but for once they didn't complain about loaning their muscles for one of my projects since doing that freed up the space for one of theirs. Most of the guns we had at that time didn't come from the Caulderman caches but were from Dad's gun collection and from all the guns they salvaged the night of the shoot-out at the hunting hideaway. Most of those men had had at least two guns and most of them had more; two handguns, a rifle, and a shotgun was the usual inventory for each man. Calibers and models varied from the traditional and common to the relatively exotic.

We all realized that such an armory gave us an advantage but thinking of the reasons why it was advantageous was intellectually uncomfortable for some of us. Discomfort or not it didn't stop any of us from going armed 24/7 from that point forward. I myself added a fashion statement in the form of a Ruger Mark III on my hip that used the same .22lr ammo as the rifle that had already been my constant companion for a number of years. I also had a Ruger LCP Centerfire in an ankle holster. The LCP was a .380 which meant carrying two different ammos but the tradeoff was worth it. And yeah I was a Ruger fan – still am – so sue me. They are dependable and pretty at the same time, what more could a girl want?

My natural acceptance of wearing a gun helped Ginger and Ashley over their reluctance to add the same fashion accessory to their wardrobe. But none of us took the acceptance of the new norm casually. Even if the situation hadn't warranted some seriousness we respected the weapons for the tools they were and the danger they represented if not handled properly. Part of that handling meant thinking about the accessibility issue with Kelly around. Gun racks were installed in each bedroom, as well as the common areas, that were well out of her reach. Slowly but surely we had to child proof spaces as they became storage areas for items that could hurt her. It wasn't just kitchen cabinets and drawers but the doors of appliances and closets, the stairs both up and down, and all exterior doors. She was very, shall we say, ingenious about finding a way into something she wasn't supposed to.

The home improvement projects didn't end there. The rods I had hung the blackout curtains on for years were reinforced because they were opened and closed a lot more often than Mom had originally envisioned and getting wobbly in the process. We looked at all the exterior accesses – including the shutters – using gaming scenarios as our guide and it gave us more improvements we could make. Although I have to admit not everyone appreciated that kind of strategizing at first.

"Zombies?! Are you two serious?!" Aston asked derisively.

Reggie took umbrage at Aston's tone but I had expected it and said, "Don't think of the zombies like they're real, think of them as the symbol of a worst case scenario. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best."

In a falsely calm voice Aston said, "Oh yeah, of course, just consider them a worst case scenario." Suddenly in a loud and aggressive voice he shouted, "Have you two lost your freaking minds?! Zombies aren't real! The crazy people in town are real! And they will kick our butts if you two don't stop playing!"

Ashley stared at him in shock. Aston had been acting a little off lately but even at his worst during football season he'd never blown up like he was on his way to doing. Me on the other hand, warned by Jax about Aston's likely damage, decided that for once I'd try and act like a grown up first and that meant reasoning with him before losing my temper. Trying not to sound as impatient as I felt I told him, "You're right. And for the record I'm not trying to make fun or belittle what you guys went through before you came out here." Aston blinked at me like I'd poke him some place sore when he wasn't expecting it. "But those people aren't the only things real that we are facing. There're the looters that Reg and Jax have run into … the fellow salvagers if you want to be PC about it. There's the funky weather that's so dry the fish pond is getting low and the water cisterns are half way further down than they should be. There's the fact only by the grace of God and a little bit of salvaging that we have enough seed to plant this coming year and I still don't know if it is going to be enough to feed the seven … soon to be eight … of us much less anyone else and still have enough to put away for next winter's food and next year's seed. There's … look I don't want a fight and thinking about every individual little piece of the puzzle gets over whelming. That's where the zombies come in."

Jax had been silent up to that point. He'd been working so hard and was so tired he was barely keeping up. He'd nearly dozed all through the first part of committee but he finally interjected a comment. "So zombie is just another word for Big Bad. So explain why."

Reggie calmed down once he figured out at least someone was willing to listen. Ginger calmed down once Reggie calmed. Ashley was in waiting mode to see how Aston would react to my words. Aston had thrown up a wall. It was then I realized what had happened to him at the hands of those women went deeper than I had given it credit … and it was affecting my ability to reach him. Still, we had a good team and I believed the effort was worth it.

"I know it sounds a little bizarre, sounds like I'm turning things into a game or at the very least not taking them seriously enough. The truth is I am taking things seriously but I'm also trying to find a way to deal with it that doesn't blow my circuits. I'm not the one that came up with the idea of using zombies. It has been around for a good while now. Remember when zombies were the latest fad? Zombie television shows, zombie fiction, zombie movies, zombie survival guide, zombie make up, zombie cupcakes, zombie candy, zombie energy drinks, you name it. Zombies are nothing more than a strategy based on a metaphor. If you can zombie-proof something is should pretty much be proof against anything. Take those women for instance."

Every one tensed because I had dared to bring it up head on. Aston snarled, "What about them?" It was like he was daring me to actually say something.

The poison needed to be lanced so it could drain. "Those women are perfect examples of what I'm talking about. Ashley and Ginger were minding their own business. They'd even done the smart thing and buddied up. Then along came those hags. They were really going to hurt the girls … did hurt them … if you hadn't come along and then Reggie who knows where it would have ended. People like that start but generally don't know when to stop before everything is in the pooper scooper. Your body is a lot strong than Ashley's … at a bare minimum your intervention probably saved the baby. If you think about it, your strength saved your child and maybe Ashley … Ashley and Ginger both. Reggie throwing in was part of it too."

Aston mumbled, "I wasn't strong enough though was I? They still … she'll always …"

"Wrong," I said surprising him and everyone else with how emphatic I was. "One battle does not make a war. You win a war one battle at a time. You won because you survived and lived to fight another day. Some battles may seem more important than others, may even be more important than others, but in reality it is the sum total of all the battles together that decide victory or defeat."

Aston just looked at me then Jax drew his attention by asking, "Who has the best stats?"

"Huh?" I think we were all thinking it because it sounded like such an out of sync thing to ask.

Jax repeated, "Who has the best stats?" Then he clarified, "The guy who has one or two good games all season or the guy who isn't exceptional but plays steady with only one or two off games?"

Aston sighed unable to deny the point he was making. "They guy who plays steady."

"Exactly. And we both know that it takes a team to win, not just one player. Not even an exceptional player who does well in every game is going to win if he doesn't have a team to play with."

"Fine. Whatever. So what would you have done to those women?" Aston asked, going back to being belligerent.

Aston directed his question at Jax but I was the one that answered him. "Kill them if possible and if not, do as much damage as I could so they'd think twice about ever using that particular tactic again."

They all stared at me in shock, even Jax. He started to say something but I shook my head. "No, don't. I'm not in some game fantasy. Over the last couple of days it has just all finally hit me. I don't know why it took so long but it did." Feeling the weight of the words I'd been holding back I said, "We're in a fight for our lives. I've lost my family, faced the consequences of terrorism head on. But it wasn't enough. I watched my brother struggle with cancer, watched so many people put out roadblocks to his treatment, and still it wasn't enough to wake me up to the thoughtless cruelty of others. I've had my two best friends in the world go completely Lando on me and it wasn't enough. I heard and saw what everyone has had to deal with in town but I still didn't get it." Then I turned and looked deep into Jax's eyes. "But realizing how close we came … I came … to losing you … and Reg … the other night to those creepoids … that was the last straw. Realizing I would have had to explain to Kelly …" I stopped and swallowed the lump in my throat. "There isn't enough tape left in the world to fix the rose-colored glasses I was wearing. And even if there were I'd never put them back on."

I got up and walked over to the kitchen sink and splashed some water on my face. Turning back around to them I said, "This isn't a game. If we lose our lives there's no points to buy new ones with. I don't want a war, I'll do whatever is reasonable to stay out of one, but if they bring it to us … if the zombies march down the road or out of the woods I want to be able to wreak some serious devastation on their butts. And if they come after us and we can beat them back, I don't want the only option we have left is to sit around and wait for them to come after us again."

Reggie grinned wickedly then said, "What exactly do you have in mind Valkyrie?"

I shook my head. "That was never my avatar and you know it. It was just a sim that Matt thought up and toggled with."

He shrugged, still grinning. "Maybe not, but then again maybe Matt knew you better back then than you knew yourself. It sure sounds like what you are talking about."

I shook my head denying it. "No. Back then I was just a kid playing a game. I always knew it was a game and that's why I never got crazy about it like Matt and Marty and the others did. Gaming was part of my life but it was never a way of life for me. And I don't want … didn't choose … what we're being forced to live now as a way of life. But since I'm not being given a choice I'm going to make of it what I can, just like after my family was murdered." Looking away again I added, "I've lost one family. I'm not going to lose another. Those refugees … freaks … zombies … whatever they chose to become … they come looking to take, looking to destroy what we have, I want to have the tools to one, protect ourselves, and two, obliterate them."

Aston snorted. "Obliterate them? C'mon."

I let some of what I felt seep into my eyes for them all to see before saying, "Yeah … obliterate them. No second chances. As in I don't want to have to worry about them more than once. Gone from this planet never to return in this life. No cosmic dust left to sweep up. Obliterate." I turned to look at the backside of the blackout curtain and realized I might need to use a figurative blackout curtain on my emotions so that the others couldn't see them. "It won't be long now. They'll be out of food soon if they aren't already. The game is going to be thinned out around town … maybe they are resorting to the dogs, who knows. Either way there are too many grasshoppers in town and no time to learn to be ants. Hunger and thirst will push them out into the farming community. I'm surprised you haven't run into them yet Jax."

"Most of the places have already been stripped, probably by Houchins and his clan … maybe by other groups we don't know about. We're finding a few things here and there but it almost isn't worth the fuel anymore. Isn't worth the fuel anymore in my opinion. What about you Reg?"

"Nah man. Unless we are going for something specific like that run to the DOT that we made two nights ago I don't see the need."

Jax turned to Aston, "What about you?"

He still looked surly but Aston always looked surly even when he wasn't. It was like his face was stuck that way. "We need stuff for the baby. You got stuff like that for Kelly but we don't have nothing for our baby," he said draping his arm possessively over the back of Ashley's chair.

"True enough. We'll make a list. Figure out the best place to get it all. Then shut the salvaging down except when we need something specific. From here on out we focus on our defensive and offensive lines."

Ginger, Ashley and I looked at each other and did a mental eye roll. Somehow we'd gone from zombies to football … I preferred zombies but what the heck, so long as it got the job done.


	29. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 6

_[AUTHOR'S NOTE: Fair warning, Momma Hen is providing the directions included in this section for informational purposes only. Don't try this stuff at home unless you want to potentially get into some big honking trouble of one sort or another.]_

 _ **The Unholy Roamin' Empire**_ _ **Part 6**_

Aston said that he would take night watch just as he had when Jax and Reggie had been making night runs. There was no run tonight but Aston decided he liked the schedule. Continuing the normal schedule, I would be up before the sun as was my normal routine and Aston would then hit the hay for a while. Everyone else had worked out their own place in the flow and so far it was working for our team.

I wasn't going to complain about Jax staying home that night as I had missed spending time alone with him. Kelly was asleep in her little area behind the screen. I had plans to turn the walk-in closet into a little room for her but Jax said to hold off on it until we saw if the new living arrangements lasted to the point she needed a room of her own. Jax and I had crawled in bed and been cuddling when I realized his breathing had developed the rhythm of a sleeping man. I tried not to be frustrated but it took a while for me to relax and go to sleep myself.

I jumped awake sometime during the night thinking spiders were crawling on me. "Sorry," he mumbled in my ear. "Didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me," I grumbled a little irritably. "And what are you doing awake? I thought you were tired."

Gruffly he said, "I got my second wind."

Hurray for second winds; however, I could have choked him a little while later when he stopped us both. He was breathing like a freight train going uphill and in frustration I asked, "Are you trying to kill me on purpose? 'Cause if you are your're on your way to reaching you goal."

He gulped air and said, "No. Matter of fact I'm closer to death than you are but if we are going to do this we are going to do it right."

I could have thumped him I was that frustrated. When he got off the bed and started fumbling around in the dark I nearly threw the pillows at him. I whispered, "What are you doing?! You're going to wake Kelly."

"Shhh," was my only reply.

I fell back on the bed, ready to expire right then and there. I presented my back to him when he crawled back into bed but he was having none of it and pulled me to him. I wasn't being very cooperative but then he hit a spot he knew I was ticklish in and I lost control just long enough for him to flip me over. "Stop being so difficult. This is important. Now listen up, I have next to nothing in this world to call my own except my heart and my hands. Whatever I do have is yours Lydie … all of it. I love you like I never expected to love anyone. You deserve more and better and one of these days I hope I can give it to you. Until then … well … I knew you wouldn't want any of those rings that I found at the pawn shop. None of them looked like something you would like and … I know it bothers you still that I took them. So … so Reg and I … we snuck back into town …"

"You what?!" I yelped.

"Shhhh!"

I lowered my voice back down to a whisper but demanded, "Are … you … crazy?! I thought we agreed that town was off limits!"

"Ow … ow … ow … turn loose of the chest hair Lydie. I had a good reason."

"You're lucky I don't rip the whole flaming carpet off your chest Ajax Beauregard Remington! What on earth possessed you to do something crazy like that?" I hissed.

That's when he grabbed my left hand in the dark and I felt him slipping something onto my ring finger. "This belonged to my grandmother. I never even thought about asking to use it for Darlene … but for you … yeah. It's the right kind of thing to do." It's like I'd forgotten how to breathe. He continued talking and I tried to listen over the buzzing in my ears. "I can't give you a white dress, a preacher, or anything else … at least not right now. And later it might be too late or not mean anything to you but if it does I'll try and get it. I can't even give you much besides this ring except myself and my daughter … except I hope she'll be our daughter from here on out. I just want you to know upfront … before we … uh ... before that … that sex or this house or your cooking or anything else is not why I'm sticking around. I'm sticking because I didn't just fall in lust with you … I fell in love with you … the forever kind of love."

I felt the ring with the fingers on my other hand. It was a wide, flat band and had some kind of setting on the top that I couldn't see. I wanted to turn on the light and look at it but I wouldn't risk disturbing the moment.

I heard his throat click when he swallowed. "Well? Are … are you going to say anything?"

I threw myself on him and he was the one that nearly expired at that point … from lack of oxygen. He finally drew back and coughed to put some air in his lungs. "Was that a yes?"

"That was a lot more than yes. That was a kiss declaring you've-done-lost-your-last-chance-to-back-out-now. You even try and get away from me Jax Remington and you just watch and see what kind of meanness I can get up to."

I could feel his chest shake with suppressed laughter. "Don't worry. I don't plan on going anywhere now that I'm caught."

"Oh you're caught all right." I ran my fingers through the hair on his chest but this time he wasn't complaining. Not at all. Didn't hear any complaints later either … he was actually kind of purring the way that silly cat of Ginger's did when it was getting scratched in all the right places. For me the whole intimacy thing would take a little getting used to but right then I was content to see him get such joy from it.

The next morning came too soon and to be honest I would have given a valuable body part for a soak in a hot tub of water but instead had to make do with a quick jump in the shower before heading out to start my day. First stop I made was the kitchen to start the breakfast casserole that I'd set in the frig the preceding night. Then I put a pot of coffee on using some of the coffee we'd gotten from the Mennonite store. It wasn't as good as roasting the beans and then grinding them myself but when you have a caffeine craving, any port in the storm will do.

Aston came into the kitchen looking uncomfortable but I put it down to the discussion at the committee meeting until he said, "Uh … Lydie … I … uh … you really should fix the headboard on your … uh … bed … it's probably loose or something … anyway … uh … you should probably like … uh … fix it or … uh … and close the vent too … um …"

I lifted my head and looked at him with horror. "Oh … oh … no … "

He saw my face and then put his hand out like a traffic cop. "Wait … don't freak out on me here. OK? Uh … Ashley said it was … uh … cute … that … you know … you two … uh … waited and stuff … but … but uh … um …" He scrunched his eyes closed then in a rush blathered, "Ash refused to say anything because she said it would be rude because no one has said anything about us making noise and stuff and I swear neither one of us is ever going to talk about this again but if you don't fix those things before you two do it again I swear I think I'm gonna go live in the barn because I'd rather have to spend the rest of eternity listening to Mr. Wilde teach algebra than pretend not to hear some of the noises you two were making even if it did sound like you were having fun OK?"

By the time he was finished my hands were clinched in fists and I was seriously contemplating re-damaging him to a large extent. Instead of what I had meant to come out of my mouth all I could do was whisper in near catatonic embarrassment, "OK. Just so long as you promise not to say anything about it again."

"Never," he groaned. "I swear." Then he shuddered. "It was like the time my sister and her husband came to live with us and they stayed in her old room next to mine. Every freaking night. Over and over and over again. I swear it …"

"Don't want to hear any more," I rushed to interrupt him. "TMI … just … just TMI."

"Fine," he huffed. "Just … you know … fix it."

That was not exactly how I had meant to start my day out. I nearly died ten times over before Jax came out to the barn to find me contemplating the idea of digging a hole and pulling it in after me. When he finally got me to tell him what was going on all the big doofus could do was laugh. He was practically rolling on the floor by the time I stomped off but not long after that I saw him heading back into the house with what he would need to fix the loose headboard.

After lunch, a meal that I ate as fast as I could so I could escape back outside, Ginger and Reggie found me digging through some of Dad's junk boxes.

"Hey!" they called.

I turned from where I stood on the ladder and then groaned at the look on their faces. "I swear I'm going to kill Aston so dead," I muttered darkly. "He promised not to say anything else about it."

Ginger laughed and said, "So you think that Aston and Ash are the only two with ears?"

I got down off the ladder before I fell and moaned dejectedly. "I'm moving to Siberia."

Ginger came over and hugged me and said, "Naw. We're just messing because we're happy for you. It's nice to see something good come out of all the trash going on." I sighed just wanting to get past the shock of having everyone know my business. I was a private person then and even more so these days. It was almost painful to have people know such intimate details of my life.

Reggie snorted a laugh at my discomfort though he was a little red in the face himself. Then he got down to the business he'd sought me out about. "Hey, got a question for you Valkyrie."

Giving him a look that was designed to let him know exactly how much I disliked his new nickname for me I said, "Will you stop calling me that? It gets that blasted music by Richard Wagner stuck in my head and it is totally annoying."

He and Ginger both grinned, then laughed. "OK, fine. But I still want to pick your brain." At my curious but cautious nod he said, "You seemed pretty serious about obliteration last night."

"I am," I told him.

"Serious enough to show all your cards?" Wondering what he meant I simply asked him. He answered, "I know you aren't an angel so don't try to play at being one. That paper you wrote on terrorism for American History nearly got you suspended for being a little too knowledgeable about how easy it is to build bombs and stuff out of ordinary household items. That old bat Mrs. Hockshuster shredded your paper so fast it was like she was afraid of anyone else reading it and getting ideas. You only got off because they thought what happened to your parents had turned your brain a little."

Ginger swatted Reggie and gave him a killer look that told him he was treading thin ice. It made me smile for some reason and relax. Then I thought about it. "Are you asking what was in the paper or are you asking whether what you think I wrote about in the paper was the truth?"

"Both," he said without hesitation.

"You know my opinion about terrorists regardless of whether they are foreign or domestic and I didn't pull any punches with that paper. And that ignorant cultural sensitivity training class they forced me to take was a joke and didn't change my mind that's for sure. If you are asking if I know …"

I stopped because Jax suddenly appeared out of nowhere. "What's up?" he asked a little too cheerful.

"My blood pressure if someone makes a joke about ear plugs."

He just grinned and asked, "Seriously what's up."

Reggie laughed making me angry again and caused me to wonder how much damage I could inflict in how short a period of time. Ginger seeing how really upset I was getting broke in on the guys and said, "Reg wanted to know if Lydie knows anything about making bombs."

Jax stopped in mid-laugh. And looked from Reggie to me … and then did a double take. He asked in disbelief, "You really know how to make a bomb?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh for Pete's sake. Yeah … yeah I know how to make bombs. When my parents were killed I …" I got uncomfortable and shrugged. "I wanted to know why and since I figured out pretty quick that was not going to be a very satisfying answer I decided to change my question to how. The how was a lot simpler than people want to believe."

"Is this something your dad taught you?" Jax asked.

"No. I mean he knew I could make small stuff … it isn't rocket science and I made some stump removers for him so he didn't have to buy them. After he got over … uh … how well they worked all he said was that we shouldn't do it again if Mom was around because she might not … er … appreciate the fact that I knew how to do things like that. It's no big deal … just basic chemistry with some scope and imagination thrown in. I didn't get into understanding the really big ones until after …"

As I stuttered to a close and went to the place I sometimes would go when those memories would surface Jax came over and put his arms around me. The feeling anchored me and I returned to what was then the present. I said, "We shouldn't need anything big enough to take down a building but I'll still write down the directions just in case."

Ginger said weakly, "Just in case. Right. Isn't it bad enough that they salvaged that stuff from the granite quarry when they were out that way?"

Reggie ignored her and said, "I've got a few … ideas let's call 'em but I want to hear what you've got too. Feel free to jump in Jax if you've got some ideas too. If we can make a list of what we can do and make then we can sit down and map out placements and things like that."

I nodded remembering that Reggie had liked to play games that had strategy in them rather than just role playing and said, "Fine, I was already starting to pull things together anyway. Look here … you see these old plastic containers?" Everyone looked at the tub of containers that ranged in size from old pill bottles to empty tubs of frosting. "Let me give you one example. Take this pill bottle. Start with some black power and pour a little in then on top of that you put some scrap metal pieces then in goes another layer of black powder and another layer of metal bits. Each layer should be about an inch thick. Make sure you have at least a thin layer of black powder on top. Then you take the bottle's lid and drill a hole with an 1/8th inch drill bit. Break off some sparkler to use as a fuse put it through the hold and make sure that you tighten the lid down on the bottle. Once you light that puppy you need to get thee behind something thick and sturdy because the percussion from the bang and the flying shrapnel will put a serious hurt on the unprotected."

Reggie nodded but Jax was looking at me with a new respect and being a little more than silly about it. "Girl, remind me to never make you mad." I elbowed him and he straightened up his face enough to ask, "What else?"

I sighed. "Homemade napalm. Take gas and put it in a glass container. Then you add Styrofoam to it until the gas won't melt anymore and you've got a big snotty wad of white goo. I … uh … have a drum of packing peanuts in the barn."

Reggie laughed and said, "Yeah, 'cause you never know when you're going to need a drum full of packing peanuts."

Ignoring his verbal clowning around I continued. "You can use it two ways. Either you can slather this around on something … or make a trail of it … and once you light it it won't go out and will subsequently catch whatever it is on on fire. Or you can do the same sort of thing in a kind of liquid grenade. That's trickier but you can fix a few, light it, then throw the glass container which will break on impact splattering the napalm everywhere … call it a modified Molotov cocktail. The lit fuse will quickly catch the splatter on fire and it burns hot and long on whatever it touches … including human skin which makes the stuff pretty dangerous and not something I want to have around too much given how dry everything is right now."

Eagerly Reggie asked, "More?"

"Hey … what are you bringing to the table?"

He grinned but admitted, "Not necessarily anything like that but I can make bodacious smoke bombs in a lot of different colors. I've collected all the materials for it while we were out salvaging. They might come in handy."

Jax nodded, "Maybe. How does it work?"

"Pretty simple really. Saw you had potassium nitrate out in the gardening shed."

"Yeah," I admitted. "That's salt peter. It is used for a quick nitrogen fix for plants that are showing signs they aren't getting enough. I've got another stash of it in with the ingredients for curing meat."

Everyone nodded their understanding but I did note that Jax had pulled out his handy dandy notepad and was scribbling away. Then Reggie picked the narrative back up. "The other three ingredients you need are sugar – I'm using the staff we found in a house that was covered in bugs which I'll just strain the bug parts out – baking soda and powdered dye. The dye I picked up at … uh …"

Jax shrugged. "She knows."

Ginger asked, "Knows what?"

I told her, "The two lunatics standing before you went back into town without telling us."

Slowing Ginger turned to look at Reggie and the murder in her eye told me he was going to be hearing about it at some point in the near future.

Reggie cleared his throat and tried not to look worried and said, "Anyway … you mix the potassium and sugar – 60 grams to 40 grams ratio – and then put it on low heat and stir until the sugar starts to get all melty and brown."

I said, "It's called carmelizing."

Reggie rolled his eyes and said, "Whatever. It gets melty and brown. You want it to wind up looking like creamy peanut butter. Then you add a spoon of baking soda which slows the combustion down. After you have that stirred in you add three heaping tablespoons of dye. I've found that orange and blue work best but you can do a green or yellow but they aren't as bright. Then you take the paste and stuff it in a toilet paper tube and then shove an old writing pen or dowel down into the mess. This is the form and you have to let it sit for an hour, maybe a little longer if the air is humid or damp. After the mess has set up, take the pen or dowel out carefully and insert a firework fuse and secure it in place with a wad of cotton or dryer lint. Cover the cardboard tube with duct tape and then cover the top and bottom of the tube as well but leave a hole for the fuse to come out of and for the smoke to escape from."

I started laughing. Jax and Ginger asked, "What?"

"I was wondering who the AV Club had gotten to make their special effects for their remake of the Night of the Living Dead. It was you big boy, admit it."

Reggie took a bow and in a really bad Elvis impersonation he said, "Thank you … thank you very much." Back in his normal voice he added, "The deal was they let me … er … borrow a piece of equipment without logging it and I'd come up with the special effects and that neither of us would rat the other one out."

Ginger rolled her eyes and said, "I don't even want to know what the equipment was and why you needed it but I guess you did more than smoke bombs if I remember that geeky movie."

He nodded. "I can also make flash bangs out of magnesium and gunpowder. I just don't know where to get the magnesium from."

I grinned and tried to look innocent. Then looked over at Jax who laughed guiltily. "We … uh … got some of that from the mill."

Reggie asked, "Why would the paper mill have magnesium?"

"It was used to adjust the pH of the leftover sludge and make it more … er … treatable for waste treatment."

"Do we have enough?" Reggie wanted to know.

"Let's just say there is a reason we stored it well away from the home site. I took all of the chemicals from the plant because you never know what is going to turn out useful"

Reggie's open mouth slowly closed and a rather wicked grin split his face. "So … we have enough magnesium. What else can we come up with? Trebuchets, petards, nuclear war heads? "

Then it was Jax's turn to laugh. "Do potato cannons count?"

Ginger sighed, "Another guy story that I don't want to hear about I'm sure. Lydie, you got a sec to come to the house? Ashley and I are trying to understand your directions on making homemade pizza crust and Ash is craving it bad." She turned to Reggie and said in a casually smart aleck tone, "And when you stop fooling around ask me how to make a flame thrower with a fire extinguisher. It will throw flame over forty feet."

We left Reggie and Jax standing there with their mouths hanging open and started laughing half way to the porch where we met Aston as he was going out to meet with them. I started feeling more optimistic again and had a feeling that between the six of us we could come up with some serious tools of obliteration … we just needed to make sure we didn't hurt ourselves in the process.


	30. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 7

_**The Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 7**_

"Will you knock it off!" I snapped at Aston who was in the middle of what I thought of as an unwarranted gleeful spazz out.

"Man!" he chortled. "Jax was right! The whole span just collapsed!" If there had been a football around he would have spiked it he was so happy.

"Geez," I grumbled with a side order of snark. "If I had known this would have made you happy enough to do the Snoopy dance I would have taken you to blow things up before now."

Mr. Houchins' voice was as dry as Herman's Creek when he said, "Don't know which one of 'em is worse, him or m' grandson." He shook his head and looking like an old Bassett hound added, "Shame to have to do it. Waste o' good tax dollars but I just ain't puttin' up with no more of them beggars and thieves. How's everyone up your way doing after what happened?"

Watching Aston and Junior continue to caper around like drunk monkeys I answered, "Better than we have any right to be blessed with. Jax and Reggie could have come today but I was worried about them coming out in this cold drizzle."

Mr. Houchins nodded sagely. "Yup, we got a few at home like that. 'Sides, until we bring down the road that spans Kellar's Pass there's no sense in leaving yourself vulnerable on that side." He hemmed and hawed a bit then said, "Mother wants to know if you youngins got enough to see you through to early greens and spring planting."

Knowing what it probably cost him to ask I told him, "I appreciate her concern but please tell her I wasn't fibbing to you when I said we were OK. Come spring Jax and I might be over for some advice on getting the grain to come up thicker but for now I'm mostly working out how to make sure everything we have gets used to best advantage so it will go the furthest with no waste. Everyone else is willing to help, they've just never been responsible for all the planning themselves so there's a big learning curve. And it's different taking care of so many when it used to be just me."

He smiled in fond memory. "'Twas the same for Mother when we first married. She picked it up quickly though and turned it into an art … mostly 'cause she had to because back then the church mice looked rich compared to us. You youngins will fare well for the same reason … 'cause you have to; lots of incentive in that. And that bunch you've hitched yourself to has the right attitude I'll give 'em that." Looking at me from the corner of his eye he said, "Speaking of hitching up, see you're wearing a might pretty ring on your finger."

Refusing to be embarrassed I boldly told him, "Yes sir. Jax put it there. It belonged to his grandmother Nannie Dru."

With somewhat of a relieved grin he replied, "Did he now; well that's news worth sharing. He's come a long way from the wild boy he was a couple of years ago. Mother will be happy to hear it. Believe I heard her say one o' her brother's wives was kin to Drusilla's first husband."

I couldn't help it. I gave a small laugh. "Dad always used to wonder why everyone in the county didn't have six toes on each foot and a horn coming out of their forehead the way everyone is related."

The old man chuffed a laughed and said, "I do recall him saying that very thing myself." A little regretfully his smile dimmed and he said, "Best be getting back or Mother will worry. You sure you're gonna be alright?"

"Yes sir," I assured him. "We've already dug out where to lay the charges to cause the slide. That was gonna be the hardest part. If we go now we'll still be home in plenty of time to get the evening chores done before it gets dark."

After that it was simply a matter of parting company and heading out. Aston was content to literally ride shotgun … with the shotgun in question loaded with slugs. Still in a more talkative mood than usual Aston said, "Who would have thought Jax knew how to blow things up? Guess it works out pretty well since you seem to know how to make bombs."

If I hadn't been concentrating on my driving I would have given him some grief over continually picking at that fact. Instead I simply said, "Knowing where to position explosives to create the desired effect is more important than creating the explosive. Anyone can mix chemicals that will go boom. It takes brains and experience to put them where it takes the least amount of boom to create the biggest effect. Had I had to blow that bridge up without his advice I would have had to use twice as much explosive and might have only partially brought it down."

From the corner of my eye I saw him shrug. "Mebbe. Either way I'm just glad to cut off the most direct routes from town. If they have to walk twice as far maybe they'll think twice about doing it. How's your shoulder? Need me to drive?"

"Stiff but I'm fine. Let's just get this done and get home."

"I hear that," he agreed, nodding. We barely talked the rest of the way which left me thinking about why we were doing what we were doing.

We'd had a run of several good days and I should have realized that there was a store full of shoes just waiting to drop on us like a load of bricks. Jax and Aston had gone hunting the day before it came to a head and they both had brought in a buck – Aston's was a real beauty with an 8-point rack. Jax's buck was a younger male and somewhat smaller but he felt he made up for the difference by also bagging a feral boar as well as one of his harem sows. We butchered the hogs that same day and the two bucks were hanging in the processing shed waiting for me to formulate a plan of attack; I'd never butchered that much venison without Dad to help and guide me.

There was also no doubt that I would need to cull at least some of the chickens and rabbits; the question was how many. I'd already culled one hen after I caught it eating the eggs of its fellow biddies and I put another out of its misery when a fox got into the yard and snatched it before I could figure out why the geese were having a coronary. There was no question a few of the hens were getting past their prime egg laying years. A couple of the rabbit does were also getting a little long in the tooth.

I was mentally tagging animals in my head when the little hand held walkie talkie that we each carried on our belts excitedly squawked with Reggie yelling, "The Houchins farm is under attack!"

Everyone ran for the house from wherever they were and then into the den where Reggie had been manning the radio. We all heard Mr. Houchins' voice warning everyone in range what was happening and to be prepared.

Consideringly I said, "Well that tells me that they either think or know there are other groups in the area. If it was just us they'd have phrased it differently."

Ashley croaked hoarsely, "How can you be so calm?! People are shooting each other over there!"

"Because we knew this day would come. We just thought that they'd hit us first because of how much manpower the Houchins clan has."

That was when Jax took charge and got us going. "Time to move. You know the drill. Reggie?"

Reggie sighed and said, "I've got communications and the watch tower. Just keep me in the loop so the girls don't drive me crazy."

Reggie would stay at the home place while Jax and Aston left to go see if they could lend aid to the Houchins. I cringed inwardly but didn't let it show. We'd been over it a million times and who went where was based on where we were in our chore cycle. Jax and Aston were gearing up as Ashley and Ginger started locking the shutters top to bottom of the house. Reggie was grabbing his own gear but he headed upstairs. I told him, "Might oughta take a jacket with you. It was cold in the cupola this morning."

He nodded and grabbed his off the coat rack before going to the attic to turn on the radio up there and take his look out position. I pulled a couple of canteens and a back pack of emergency supplies to carry to the truck as Aston said a quick good bye to an obviously nervous Ashley.

At the truck Jax said, "I hadn't expected you to have to guard the road first time something happened."

"Don't think about that. You just pay attention to staying safe and coming home in one piece."

There wasn't time for anything else; I had to do my own gearing up and get into position. Ginger had followed me out and helped me to lock the barn where the vehicles stayed then I left chasing the birds into the animal barn to get them locked away. Ashley had already taken Kelly and was down in the storm cellar beneath the kitchen and Ginger would join them there putting our three weakest links as far out of harm's way as we could get them. A speaker would let them stay apprised of what was going on around the home place.

I was jogging through the woods, bypassing the booby traps we had set, when my radio crackled again. "Odd Man to Henny Penny, do you copy?"

I stopped and took a calming breath before answering, "Henny Penny to Odd Man, I copy."

"Straight Man and Spiker en route. It sounds like Bonanza is taking a beating but they're still ticking. Straight Man says everyone is to notify Home Base when they are in position."

"Roger that. Henny Penny out."

The code names were stupid but we felt safer using them rather than using our real names. I reached the blind we had built at the end of our road, let Reggie "Odd Man" know, and then after putting the homemade spike strips in place across the road settled in to watch while doing some serious praying. Should have remembered to be careful what I prayed for because God has a tendency in my experience to answer in the affirmative when you least expect it. What was my prayer? "Dear Lord, please watch over everyone and bring Jax and Aston home safely to us and if there is any way for me to make this possible, let me be Your instrument." Uh huh.

Anyone ever read about how some animals will let the big predators do all the work and then while they're busy, scavengers will come in around the edges to get a piece of the kill and run off? Well apparently the large group in town was supposed to take different roads to prevent an ambush of their convoy, then meet up to take on the Houchins clan en mass. Only not all of the drones were willing to mindlessly follow orders.

A small group of them were led by one of our former classmates who had defected to the Dark Side. Guy's name was Derrick Diggory; we all called him Double D. I never would have pegged him for a sellout. He was a nice average guy that never got into any kind of trouble with nice average parents who you could describe the same way. I don't know what turned him; all I know is that he did. The thing was his father worked for the postal service and knew where we lived. Derrick must have remembered his father telling him something because somehow or other he convinced the others with him to take a detour. Most of my hypothesis is conjecture of course but it is based on an argument between Derrick and a guy in the other truck that I overheard from my hidden spot.

I turned the radio down and gave three clicks letting Reggie know not to call me and then four clicks to let him know the enemy was about to engage. I heard the two faint clicks in response that let me know he understood. I didn't have much time and needed to focus. I checked the bulky vest I was wearing to make sure I could get at what I needed in a hurry. I also double checked Dad's Bushmaster ACR that Jax had insisted I used in that position. I took a breath and prayed for forgiveness for what I intended to do.

Sure enough the creepoids backed up and then turned into our drive. I guess their intention had been to rush us and paralyze us with shock and awe or something. Bad choice on their part. The first truck hit the spike strips hard enough to blow both front tires and one of the rear ones before skidding to a stop on their rims. The rear truck had followed just as fast but too closely and had hit the truck in the side panel causing the air bags in both extended cab trucks to deploy.

I'd already lit the fuses of two of the homemade claymores and tossed them. The first one missed its target and rolled under the second truck. The second claymore went exactly where I meant it to which was inside the cab of the lead truck. They both exploded at approximately the same time. The one under the second truck took out all four tires on that truck and the legs of the two men who had just climbed out of it to rush to the first truck to find out what had happened. As they were falling screaming the second claymore went off inside the cab of the first truck with devastating effect. Shrapnel blew out shredding every surface it came in contact with. The percussion added to the damage by blowing out all the windows, even taking out part of the windshield. The shrapnel damage was from about the chest height down; the window glass and percussion primarily appeared to affect their shoulders up. One man fell out of the first truck but he didn't move again once he was supine on the ground.

There had been six guys in the second truck, two of them incapacitated by the claymore under the truck. That left four to deal with. I had lit another claymore as soon as I saw the effect of the first two. I lobbed it, this time hitting the target of the interior of the second cab. Two men rolled out of the truck as soon as they saw it coming and stayed on the ground while their two friends that didn't move fast enough got turned into hamburger.

A fourth claymore wasn't happening because they had located my position and started shooting at me in fear and anger. If they had known I was female and alone they might have rushed me which would have been bad. Instead their nerves made them less effective which I later gave thanks for.

I pulled back and changed position but it wasn't easy. If the ditch from the road's former path hadn't let me get lower than the bullet trajectories I might not have pulled it off. As it was I battled the effect of too much adrenaline being dumped into my system by my fight or flight instinct kicking into overdrive.

I got out of their line of fire and before I could think about it too much I returned fire from a new angle that allowed me to throw my own barrage, killing both men with several hits to their upper chests. I cautiously worked my way closer to the trucks, prepared to duck in case any of the men were playing possum.

Looking into the first truck was a nauseating experience. All five in the cab and the one on the ground were dead, or so close as it made no difference. Blood loss, shock, or deep puncture wounds; I couldn't tell which had killed each man. Deciding it didn't matter I used that truck as cover to check the men of the second one before moving forward. And a good thing too.

I slung the rifle on my shoulder and pulled the LCP from my ankle holster. I know it might have been better to have a bigger gun but I preferred a tool I knew over one I was still learning to handle. I was moving around one of the open doors when one of the men started cursing me and tried to shoot me but wide of the mark when his strength failed him and the gun wavered. My fear dumped another load of elixir in my veins and I had shot him three times before I even realized I had aimed. One of the other men had been crawling away and I took two steps and shot him in the back of the head. Then I turned and shot three other men from that truck at point blank range just to be sure. I was twisting and turning trying to watch my back as I fumbled to insert a new magazine in the LCP and it took a moment for me to realize they were all down and never getting up again.

It was at that moment that my guts loosened and I vomited violently right where I stood.


	31. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 8

_**The Unholy Roamin' Empire**_ _ **Part 8**_

I must have been in some kind of shock or fugue state because time passed without my registering it. I had fallen to my hands and needs and hadn't heard Reggie's clicks on the radio trying to get a status update. He'd heard the explosions and gunfire through the open window of the cupola … then the protracted silence. He'd called Ginger to man the radio – I didn't know it at the time but Jax and Aston weren't responding either – and then took off to find out what had happened to me.

A foot sensibly kicking my LCP out of my reach snapped me back to awareness; Reggie had called my name twice with no reaction but he later told me he'd decided not to take any chances revealing more commonsense than he normally showed. I rolled over trying to pull the Bushmaster into my hands only to see Reggie jumping back and saying, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

I stopped and then fell back to my knees. Reggie ran forward asking, "Are you hurt?"

All I could do was shake my head. Then I realized he was where he wasn't supposed to be. "What's wrong? Why are you out here?"

"What's … what's wrong?! You never called in! You didn't respond to my clicks! Is your radio out?"

In what felt like slow motion I checked my radio then handed it to Reggie who looked at it then gave it back to me irritably. I croaked, "Sorry."

His voice still an octave or two too high he asked, "What happened? I was seriously freaking."

Tossing a thumb back in the direction of the trucks I gave him a brief explanation. Reggie called in to Ginger. "Odd Man to Big Red. Odd Man to Big Red. You copy?"

I could hear the strain in Ginger's voice when she answered, "Big Red to Odd Man. I copy."

"Situation stable but requires hands on attention. Maintain your position. Relay as necessary. Do you copy?"

"I copy. Big Red out."

Reggie turned to me and with more understanding that I was ready for asked, "You OK?"

Shaking my head to try and get rid of the buzzing in my ears I told him, "Yeah … or will be. What's the word from Jax?"

He gave me a closed look then admitted, "No word, not yet. Doesn't have to mean anything though."

Ever the realist I said, "You know it does. We just don't know if what it means is good, bad, or neutral."

Patting my arm awkwardly he tried to reassure me by saying, "Ginger will let us know if something comes in. Let's check the trucks."

We took everything out of the trucks worth salvaging at that point and stuck it in the blind. We also stripped the men. In the middle of this Reggie jumped back, dropping the upper body of the corpse he'd been turning over. "Double D!"

Looking over yet trying not to see I said, "He was going to kill me Reg. He was cursing me … he … I … I saw his eyes. He knew who I was and he still was going to kill me."

Reggie shook his head. "Double D?! But … but …"

Badly troubled as I hadn't considered being forced to turn arms against those I'd once considered friends I snapped, "I know. OK?"

Reggie took a close look at me and then reached out. "I … OK … I … sorry Lydie. Just …"

Sighing in regret I nodded. "I know."

We finished the rest of that task silently and then stood contemplating the trucks. "We gotta get them out of the way. Pray they'll start 'cause they are too freakin' big to push and until Jax and Aston are home safe I don't want to break out a tractor."

Climbing into the first truck was almost more than my stomach could handle. Despite that fact, it did start up after a couple of tries but ran so rough that all we could do was move it off into the trees a little ways. We talked about it and if worse came to worse we'd push it a little more and send it down the ravine after we'd drained the fuel tank. The second truck wouldn't even turn over. Reggie looked underneath and said, "Fluids and truck guts all over the ground. This one isn't moving unless we help it."

Too wiped to feel much of anything – Ginger related that she'd heard noise from the Houchins farm but there was still nothing from our guys – I was ready just to sit down and give up. Reggie though still had his brain in gear and told me, "Put it in neutral and then try and straighten the wheels. We'll use the little bit of incline here to roll the truck back to the black top and into the ditch to get it out of the way."

Putting it in neutral was easy; turning the wheels not so much as the power steering had been shagged by the claymore. The rims bogged down in the clay and gravel of the entrance road and it took both Reggie and I to turn the steering wheel. When I was to the point of swearing Reggie said, "This isn't just a fluid loss. Bet you bent something too."

"I don't give a frell," I growled. "Let's just get this done."

Reggie stopped and had me get out of the truck and then handed me a canteen of water and told me to take a break. Normally I would have told him where he could stick his canteen but I was way beyond that and just desperately needed someone to be a good friend. "Lydie, I know why you're rushing but we can't go looking for them so … so don't flip a switch. I know you want to … heck, I want to … but we could walk in to the middle of something and make a mess of it."

Calmly I handed Reggie his canteen and then lost it a little and kicked and punched the truck several times. I finally stopped, heaving to keep from puking again … and to keep myself from crying. When I had myself as under control as I was gonna get I took a deep breath and turned to Reggie to say, "Let's get this done so you can go back and relieve Ginger." All he did was nod as he understood my tantrum was a form of acceptance. Soon enough we had the truck in motion but Reggie had to jump in the cab to steer it and keep it from going off the road too soon.

Like I've said before, anything that starts out too easy is usually the prelude to something really hard. The truck moved smoothly then as it hit the bottom of the road, tailgate first, became the beginning of the next phase of Lydie's very bad no good day.

The truck shot onto the blacktop immediately in front of a 1979 El Camino. The El Camino t-boned the truck so hard it nearly turned the truck over on its side. The front end of the El Camino was buried in the truck's side panel. Its front passenger hung half way through the windshield. The driver wasn't coming out without a giant-sized industrial strength can opener … and a scoop. Four people had been riding in the back of the El Camino and were all ejected on impact and were little more than bloody skid marks on the road.

In shock I ran forward and was helping a shaken Reggie from the truck when another vehicle, this one a small Toyota pickup, came around the curve and hit the back of the El Camino slamming both Reggie and I to the ground. Reggie's forehead clipped the hood of the truck on the way down, knocking him into my right side. As we started to go down, I tried to break our fall with my left arm and as we hit the pavement I felt a wrenching pain. I didn't have much time to do anything but feel it because the three guys in the Toyota had piled out cursing right as another vehicle nearly barreled into the back of them.

It was at that moment that one of the bad guys spotted us as I was trying to pull Reggie into the trees and back to the blind to hide. "Dang it! Move Reg!" I told him. "They've seen us!"

It was at that moment that I realized Reggie was more than just shook up. Blood was dripping from a gash on the side of his head. I would later find out it was where the seat belt has slung around during the initial wreck and connected with his noggin'. "Hey Reg," I huffed as I dragged him. "Hug this tree."

"Wha …?" he slurred as he tried to blink the blood out of his eyes where it was already making his lids and lashes sticky.

I turned to the men whose brains had finally caught up with their backsides and were in the process of chasing us. I took out the first couple in the lead with the Bushmaster. That made the rest dive for cover which gave Reggie and I some more time to beat feet.

Reggie was finally back in the same dimension as me and shook off my arm as he tried to jog and tie a khaki colored bandana on his head to keep the goo off is face. As we ran he said, "Separate and try and keep them away from the house."

Some might wonder why I automatically obeyed a guy that had just nearly had his brains scrambled but it was instinctual. I'd already followed his lead several times when we'd have big paint ball battles between different cliques from school and I knew that Reggie was a strategizer and could already see a possible repeat of his old tactics. So I nodded and said, "We'll use the boobies. I don't know for sure how many there are. I stopped counting after thirteen." He nodded his understanding and we split up right as the whole group of them came whooping and hollering into the woods like a bunch of baying hounds on the scent of a coon. Well this bit of prey was gonna try and turn the tables on the hunter.


	32. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 9

_**The Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 9**_

As I ran I tried to formulate a plan and realized there were just too many variables. I heard Reggie call Ginger on the hand held and tell her to batten down the hatches and to head to the storm cellar if things got too close to the house. I was thankful that Jax had convinced me that, ugly or not, shutters on the exterior doors were needed. The bad guys would need explosives to get in. But I was going to show them some explosives before they could show me if they had any of their own.

I ducked behind a tree and then down, pulling out smoke bombs from my vest pockets three at a time. I ran, lit, and dropped which blanketed the woods in a nauseating kaleidoscope of colored smog. Reggie was doing the same thing; it was a common tactic during the many paintball battles we'd both been combatants in.

I heard a sudden gagging on my left followed by several vulgar expletives and the question, "What's that smell?!"

Finally getting a whiff I realized that Reggie had added stink bombs to his mix. The smell was an eye watering combination of rotten eggs, brimstone, and rancid cow flatulence … powerful enough to gag a maggot. The complainer and his companion stumbled in my direction and the Bushmaster welcomed them to my forest and then sent them to their Judgment.

I ran forward and rolled them off the path and into a depression created by a fallen log. I didn't want their buddies finding them too soon and helping themselves to any ammo. In this battle of attrition we needed every advantage we could scrape together. I changed magazines and realized I would need to be more cautious; burning too many bullets on each target would leave me empty with too many targets left.

Then I heard a horrible series of screams from the direction of one of the most wicked boobies we'd set. The directions for it had come out of one of Dad's multitudinous number of military survival manuals and we'd set it in a small gravel pit created by the leftover stuff we'd bring in from the rock quarry to smooth the road. Basically it was a cross between a land mine and a napalm bomb. The results were not nice at all … but then again we hadn't been trying to for nice.

Then there was another scream this time from the direction of a large hole left over from where a tree rotted leaving a pit where its root ball used to be. We'd filled the hole with punji sticks and then camouflaged it. The result would be worse than a bear pit for whoever fell in. Either the men had accidentally stumbled into the boobies or Reggie was going crazy on 'em. It turned out to be a bit of both and I knew it was passed time for me to join the dance in earnest.

I headed for one of the hunter's blinds built into the trees and scrambled up the tree – my shoulder thumping wildly – to get above the smoke. Reggie was still lighting and tossing every chance he got so the smoke was thick but I still saw barrel flashes shooting the direction I'd spotted him running. Time for another claymore.

It blew before it hit the ground in the midst of a small group of baddies with predictably dire effect. I grinned a little madly, glad that I'd shorted a couple of fuses. The three that survived that blast stumbled away in opposite directions; one of the men straight into a homemade landmine and the other two straight into Reggie who gave them a short burst from the AR15 he'd liberated after the Caulderman Cache Raid as we had begun to call it.

A bullet hit the tree right next to my face sending splinters into my cheek and I nearly fell from my perch. At the last second I was able to grab onto the tree with my boots and slide down the trunk rather than fall onto my head. If I hadn't had gloves on my hands would have been ruined but they did so I didn't ruminate on it. Ducking into an animal tunnel in the adjacent briar thicket I crawled out of the other side with only a few scratches. While my attacker was still looking around the tree trying to find where I had got to, I popped up and put two bullets in his center mass. He wasn't immediately dead but he would be shortly.

Loud noises to my left startled me … and the two men that had been trying to sneak up on me. At their yelp I pivoted, the Busmaster still leveled in the right direction, and burned too many bullets out of fear. As I fussed at myself for being stupid, and changed clips once again, I finally recognized what the noise had been after I heard another one; Reggie had set off a couple of our homemade flash bangs.

I flattened myself on the ground because I had heard multiple pairs of boots running in my direction. I saw Reggie come out of a cloud of smoke and reached up and yanked him off the path. That was dumb because he'd fallen on me and the impact tore hard at my already sore shoulder. I covered my own mouth to keep from making any noise. Once Reggie saw the problem he put his hand over mine and I breathed through my nose as the bad guys ran passed us.

Through the tears in my eyes I saw Reggie's questioning look. I nodded my head to let him know the yell was under control. Then we both belly crawled to a depression about twenty feet away while the bad guys stumbled around in the trees cursing and in general giving their positions away without what seemed like a fear in the world. Then we both froze as three of them stopped practically right on top of us.

The first guy gibbered, "I'm tellin' you Risky we gotta go. This place is worse than the other 'un. No tellin' how many guys they gonna put on us. They got bombs man! And Reaper came outta da woods with his face meltin' right off man! This is just messed up!"

The one called Risky answered, "We can't you idiot. If Suicide finds out we bailed on him he'll kill us."

The third guy shook his head and said, "I vote we don't go back to that pissant little hole. They ain't got nothin' left but some hoes and I already done most of 'em twice … a few a whole lot more 'n twice and I'm bored wid 'em. Let's go get some new hoes that ain't all wore out."

Risky said, "Now whoa man. They got that dude that says he can get the power on."

The complainer asked, "You heard how much work that's gonna take?! F*** that s***. Let's just head south like we talked about, pick up some jack and a couple a sin nor ritas – fresh young ones – and hang on the beach all winter drinking mojitos. Let the cops and pansy soldiers do they jobs and clean this s*** up. It ain't our problem and ain't no way I'm gonna bust my a** like that brainy freak wants. I can't believe Suicide put him in charge. I know they white and think they run the world but who the f*** does that pasty faced piece o' jail tail think he is?"

Reggie and I were both all ears and as tense as a sheet of concrete board. They shut up when a fourth guy ran up and joined them. "C'mon. Dingo says head to the rides. We're leaving."

The guy who'd already warned about "Suicide" once asked again about him. The newcomer said, "Dingo done said he's gonna do for Suicide and take over. Says that weird kid told him where to find some supplies left by the military and then we're gonna sit pretty 'til it warms back up. By then all this crap'll be over and we'll need to get back home so we can hook up with some ol' ladies what'll qualify for some fat checks and are looking to make some kids to replace the ones they lost."

Jittery guy says, "Yeah, I'm done playing in the woods man. I heard some of them punk kids talkin' how there's these real bunch of redneck freaks that live out here and they get off on hunting people and skinnin' 'em."

Risky shook his head and said, "Ijit … that's only in the movies."

Jittery shook his head and stuck his hand up like he was swearing on the Bible. "No man … I heard it all. See, this is where they got that idea for those moves. These people have been livin' around here for like a long time and they're like the result of experiments and s*** by the government. Like that Tuskegee place my momma's preacher was always talkin' about. That's why you never hear about it on TV. It's like a conspiracy or something. I heard they like to bring brothers down here and they …"

Their voices faded and I elbowed Reggie who was twisting and turning like a worm in hot ashes trying not to laugh. I hissed, "Knock it off. This is our chance. If they're going to leave let's try and use the Bangalore on them." Reggie sobered slightly at my words but didn't bother wiping the tears that made tracks in the dirt on his face.

We took the safest route down to a hollowed out tree not too far from the blind and pulled out some prefab devices that looked a bit like poles from a cyclone fence … these fence posts however were filled with explosives. Each "torpedo" was basically two lengths of twenty-gauge pipe joined in the middle with a coupler, stuffed with a few sticks of dynamite, then capped at both ends with one of the ends drilled to allow for a fuse.

Even stopping to get the Bangalore's we still made it down and in position in the ditch with the torpedoes all lined up before the bad guys came stumbling and gasping out of the road entrance looking a bit like worn zombies. The reason being that obviously they'd gotten turned around and run into a couple more boobies, at least one of them one of the splatter type that had been full of sulfuric acid we'd harvested from old car batteries.

Seven men … well six and a half if you counted the one that was badly wounded … stumbled out of the end of the road and ran and limped for the two vehicles at the end of the pile up. Reggie and I stuffed ear plugs in our ears, lit our fuses, then dived for the culvert just in case we'd miscalculated. There was this strange WHUMP and then an explosion almost too loud to hear. Stuff started raining down all around us, not all of it glass, metal or plastic if you know what I mean.

The culvert pipe hadn't been the brightest idea; it echoed the explosion nearly knocking us out. Thank God for earplugs but we could still barely hear at first. When we could hear again what penetrated first was the sound of a couple of gunshots.

"Should have left them to suffer. And look, you're bleeding again."

"Can't descend to their level. Won't. Besides until …" Coughing preceded a harsh gasp of pain.


	33. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 10

**The Unholy Roamin' Empire: Part 10**

I was trying to scramble out of the culvert but Reggie pounced on me right before he blasted my already abused ears by yelling, "Point them pea shooters some place safe Spiker! I'd like to live to have grandkids to tell about today!" Using our code names was supposed to be the all-clear sign but I think our audience was so freaked out that they forgot.

We heard scuffling in the debris field left by the explosions coming our way. Reggie still wouldn't let me go first but cautiously stuck his head up above the culvert. From my angle I saw his frown turn into a smile and heard him say, "Wow, you guys are a righteous mess."

I'd had enough and head butted his gut hard enough to make him fold over. I snapped, "Move!" to add to my point – which he did – then I climbed onto the blacktop.

Barely registering anything but the fact that Jax was home I flew at him. Aston grabbed my arm as I went by nearly swinging me off the ground. I nearly swung at him to put him on the ground until he explained, "Don't jump him Lydie. Jax took a bullet. It was just a through and through and Mrs. Houchins cleaned it out but …"

I wrenched my arm away and ran forward meaning to stop and examine his wounds but before I could, Jax reached out and grabbed my vest and pulled me into a kiss that melted my brain. However, the resulting pudding had no time to leak out of my ears because Jax stumbled and I had to brace to keep us both standing upright.

In extreme alarm I said, "Jax?!"

"I … I'm fine," he sighed with his forehead resting on mine. Then he jerked upright and indignantly started shouting, "But not for long if someone doesn't tell me what in the jumped up granny panties happened here!" He ended by grabbing his side and nearly doubling over again.

Reggie couldn't seem to help himself. He barked a laugh and said, "Jumped up granny panties? Man what kind of drugs are you on for the pain?"

He continued laughing until Aston knocked him in the shoulder and said, "Just the Tylenol that was in the emergency kit of our truck so knock it off. He passed out when they were cleaning the hole. Mrs. Houchins started on one side and pushed through some gauze on the other side that caught threads and other crap that had been driven in by the bullet. From his jacket man; look at the hole in it. I nearly puked helping to hold him down; I don't know why he isn't on a stretcher some place … that's where I'd be."

My eyes felt as big as saucers and I shot a look at Jax's pale face. He just shook his head and grumbled, "It's not as bad as he's making it out to be."

The look on my face must have told him in no uncertain terms that I realized that was a clanker of a huge magnitude because his only response was to grimace and shut up. Still holding him up I turned to find Reggie nearly shouting, "When?!"

He was on the hand held to Ginger and only her response of, "Don't strain something Odd Man" kept me from going into overdrive again. Instead the audible emphasis on the word odd almost made me smile. She finally continued, "It was about ninety minutes ago and the rest of our team was apparently busy so Big Red terminated the peril with extreme prejudice." Her tone held both satisfaction and a little awe at her own actions. The next transmission however showed that she was frazzled and reaching emotional capacity to deal. "But hear this, if Odd Man thinks that Big Red is going to clean up that mess then Odd Man has another think coming and he better return to Home Base asap or risk becoming another extremely prejudiced statistic. Does Odd Man copy that?!"

All three of the guys were just staring at the hand held with shock on their face. Under any other circumstances I would probably have laughed at them. They looked like they'd just watched a cute and fuzzy kitten gut a buffalo with one swipe. Apparently they had failed to understand the significance of Ginger's name and hair color. I pulled my own handheld, noted that the battery was running a little low and said, "Henny Penny to Big Red. Henny Penny to Big Red. Do you copy?"

"Big Red to Henny Penny. I copy."

"Rest of team seems to have lost their tongue to a particularly ferocious cat so I'll check status. Besides some straightened curls, is Home Base intact?"

It took a moment before she came back and I could tell the blow up had been averted. "Big Red to Henny Penny. Home Base is intact. You owe me."

Nodding even though she couldn't see me I told her, "More than I can count Big Red, more than I can count. What about the Hobbits?"

"Big Red to Henny Penny, the Hobbits are resting with the aid of a little bit of mother's helper. Do you copy that?"

It wasn't something that we had developed a code for but I knew what she meant. I had worried about Ashley's stress level and Kelly's state of mind during a battle and had looked at my mother's books as well as the medical books in Dad's library and along with what Jax knew had come up with a very, very mild sedative to mickey their koolaide with if things got really hinkey. It would make Kelly take a nap but would simply cause Ashley to feel detached and a little groggy. Kelly wouldn't be given a choice but Ashley would … which likely meant that Ashley had come close to her breaking point if she agreed to take it.

"That's a copy Big Red. Will update as soon as arrangements have been formulated. Henny Penny out."

All three guys then stared at me. I could see Jax was just about to bow up and get the man pride thing going. We all knew what the next step was and so I told him, "Please don't Jax. I had to let you go off and do what you had to do. I wanted so bad to be the one to go with you, not get left behind, but we'd already worked out the details and how things would go if it had to happen. Ashley had to do the same for Aston. That was the plan and we stuck to it. Now this is the next part of the plan and you know it. It doesn't have … strike that, it does have a little bit to do with you being injured but most of it is just because this is the plan."

He shook his head. "The so-called plan didn't include this … this … whatever the bloody heck happened!" He grimaced again.

Quietly I told him, "And it didn't include you getting shot either. We just have to be flexible." He was still not liking what I was going to suggest but I didn't see any other way to do what needed doing. I looked at Reggie and Aston. "I'm going to jog up to the house and grab the Case with the front loader and come back here and clean this up. Aston are you fresh enough that you can jog up with me?" At his nod I said, "Good. You can stick your head in and put Ashley at ease and then drive the John Deere 4x4 Gator back. While we're gone Jax and Reggie can man an outlook. When we get here you and Jax can load up the salvage from the blind. Reggie can drive it and Jax …" Jax gave a growl at my words but didn't actually object which I was thankful for. "… back to the house. Jax can look in on Kelly and then give Ginger and Ash something to do while Reggie goes back to monitoring the radio. Aston, if you don't mind, you can cover me while I … while I clean up this mess here on the road so that we can get our truck back home. We'll load the rest of the salvage in the bed of our truck. You drive it back and I'll smooth out the road the best I can with the Case. To be honest I had no idea how big of a mess those bangalores were going to make; if I had I would have stuck to just one. What about you Reggie?"

Jax half growled, half groaned and said, "Don't change the subject Lydie." I just looked at him and he finally sighed. He wasn't admitting defeat exactly, but he was agreeing that he'd follow along because it was close to the plan we'd come up with.

Aston was no fresher than I was so our lope back up the mile long entrance road was slower than either one of us would have normally run it; but we still jogged it without stopping. I remember those youthful days when my energy reserves and health seemed endless and without exception. Reggie had called the house to let Ginger know we were on our way. I left him as Ashley fell into his arms – she'd practically swooped on him from the porch – and headed to the tractor barn. I thought he would take longer than he did and he startled me coming over so soon.

He chuckled a little and said, "Ash is pretty toasty … but that's a good thing I think because … Hey! What are you doing?"

I'd tried to guiltily shove everything back into the first aid chest when he'd come into the barn. "Nuthin'."

He came over and before I could nonchalantly get rid of the evidence he yanked the pill bottle out of my hand. He looked at me and then using a serious tone he asked, "Where are you hurt?"

"I don't need a lecture Aston."

"No you don't. But we don't leave until I get an answer."

I rolled my eyes. "I pulled something in my left shoulder. It isn't bad but if I don't take something now it is going to be thumping in a little while. Banging around on the Case isn't going to make it any better."

He made me face away from him and he moved my arm and pushed on my shoulder a little. It was sore but it only really sung a couple of times. He said, "I think you only pulled a muscle, maybe a strain or sprain, but you shouldn't take any chances." I had forgotten that Aston had been interested in Sports Medicine or Physical Therapy as his college degree until right at that moment. He continued, "I can't make you stop right now … and wouldn't if I could because we need to get Jax to come to the house and lay down. He's worse than he is trying to let on. Hopefully Ashley will sweet talk him into taking a Percocet and he'll doze and get away from the pain long enough for his body to start healing."

I had been too afraid to ask until then. "How … how bad is bad Aston?"

He shook his head. "Scared-the-crap-out-of-me bad. I've never seen anyone get shot. But Jax acts like he's freaking Super Man. He didn't even react when it first happened. Mr. Houchins' said the bullet probably didn't have enough velocity to do any kind of internal damage plus it is in that meaty place … you know, the love handle spot only Jax doesn't really have much meat there … but still. The in and out holes aren't even that far apart but it is all bruised and looks nasty. We'd managed to work our way around and catch a group of the bad guys in a cross fire with Junior on the other side. Then one of them got in behind us and shot Jax in the back … well, not the back but you know what I mean. Everything after that is a blur until Junior and I got Jax down to the gate and they worked on him while the rest of us did clean up. Then we headed back."

"Why didn't you guys call in? We were worried sick," I told him as I took the keys from the lock box and tossed him the ones for the 4x4 Gator.

I was putting in empty fuel containers to hold any fuel we could syphon while he answered me. "Things were crazy and then we thought it was on your end until we got in the truck to head back and realized we couldn't hear Houchins either. By the way, Mr. Houchins had a happy fit over the fact that we named his place Bonanza."

I sighed and said, "I figured he would."

"Yeah," he said nodding. "But when we got close and saw smoke … and then all of a sudden the explosion. Man, I thought Jax and I were gonna have to change our drawers. What did you two do?!"

"It wasn't us … I mean it was but us using the Bangalore torpedoes. I'm not sure I want to use those things again except in extreme circumstances."

"Was it not extreme this time?"

Not ready to explain my part in everything I told him, "Go on down ahead of me and have Reggie explain it. I need to concentrate. It's been a while since I've driven the Case and I need to think of the best place to actually move all of that debris to. We don't want it right at the drive like a neon sign announcing where the Home Place is."

He looked at me a second but did as I said instead of giving me a hard time about it. I waited while he moved out first and then I took my time going down for two reasons. One was I really was thinking where the best place might be to get rid of the battle evidence and two, I wanted to give Reggie time to explain without me there.

I had pulled out and was about to start nudging truck #2 from the original run in when I had to break and swing the front loader out of the way real quick because Jax stepped up to the Case and practically jerked me out of my seat. I was half in and half out of the glassed in cab but didn't even have the breath to squawk in complaint because I was drowning in another soul shaking kiss. Then he had me in a one armed hug and I was getting slobbered on some more between him saying things like, "I never meant for you to have to …" and "I don't know what I would have done if something had …" He never seemed to be able to finish a sentence so I used my imagination to fill in the rest and just hugged him back to let him know that the feeling was mutual and appreciated.

Reggie and Aston had moved to give us some privacy and had started going over what was left of the cars and trucks to see if there was anything worth salvaging; we learned to do that quickly in those days, nothing went to waste if possible. Then Reggie came over and said, "Hate to break you two up but we got storm clouds on the horizon." I looked over to where his thumb had pointed and he was right and it looked like a bad one would hit us a little after the sun went down. Explanations and regrets would have to wait, the work had to get done … and done quickly.

Temporarily I piled the vehicle and vehicle parts around the corner of the road and down a side road where a small utility easement was. It wasn't visible from the main road but at the same time was close enough that it wasn't a trek to get to it when we had time to decide what parts to keep. I knew we'd need the leaf springs out of the vehicles for some projects that Jax had thought about and I was sure that Reggie wanted to see what could be made of the some of the other guts. Knowing Aston I figured he would have plans on eventually cobbling together at least one new car from parts of all the old ones … wheels came in third in his life only behind Ashley and football.

Less than an hour later I saw Reggie driving the 4x4 Gator with Jax as a passenger but he was having to go slow; he wouldn't want to bounce out any of the stuff tied down in the back end or Jax who was I trying really hard not to worry about. Now it was down to Aston and I and while I continued to tractor things around he split his time between guarding and tossing smaller pieces of debris into the front loader. I carried the last load over to our dump spot and then came back to find that he'd pulled the truck into the end of the drive and was loading a pile of salvage into the back in. I hopped out of the Case's cab and was glad that Aston had been looking the other direction; the Tylenol was wearing off and I'd joggled my shoulder more than I should have.

"I'll help you load. When we get back to the house hopefully Reggie is fresh and he and I can walk into the woods and try and clear the … the …" I stopped.

Aston looked at me strangely and said, "Reg wasn't telling stories."

I looked at him and said, "I have no idea what you're talking about. I just know what has to be done and I'm not looking forward to it."

"I'll go with Reggie and he and I can do it. You haven't had a break yet."

His volunteering surprised me but I shook my head. "Trust me I'd let you if it made sense but since I know what I did and Reg knows what he did we'll be able to walk things a lot faster. I don't know about you but the weather feels like it wants to finally get cold and damp." He grunted an affirmative and we turned back home.

I could give you chapter and verse what Reggie and I did for the next couple of hours, how we both took turns puking until we finally learned to simply accept and deal with it all, but the honest truth is I don't want to. Bad enough to remember the feel of the bodies dead weight as we dragged them to the front load of the Case. Bad enough to remember the smell of some of them. Bad enough to remember what it sounded like when I dumped the … the bodies … on the pyre we built. I'll never forget that first battle. Never. Doesn't matter how many years go by. But I chose to never wallow in it and I'm not going to start at this late point in my life; there's just no sense to it.

Reggie and I had dragged the last of the salvageable mess we confiscated from the bodies into the tractor barn and then had to go out in the quickly turning nasty weather and drag the last body from the front yard back to the gravel pit. I'd been putting some of my homemade napalm on the bodies as we layered them up so that when we threw the last body on the pile and lit it up, there was something to catch all the way through the noxious mound.

Reggie and I had tied dust masks across our face and stepped back. With a FWUMP we lit the pyre up and black smoke crept up to the sky. The smell was horrible but if we hadn't dealt with what was causing the smell it could have turned even worse. I was beginning to slip into a dead zone in my head and nearly came unglued when a hand clapped onto my right shoulder.

"Whoa Lydie! It's just me."

I huffed, "Don't sneak up like that Aston."

He nodded and said, "It's getting really nasty out here. The only reason you aren't feeling the drops yet is because you are under these trees. Come on back to the house. The girls have warm drinks and soup."

I asked, "How's Jax?"

"Asleep."

I looked at Reggie. "Go on. Ginger will be relieved to see you. I want this … this … stuff to burn down a little more before I … just go on." Reggie, who wasn't feeling too hot, nodded and headed back to the house. I saw Aston follow him out and thought I was finally alone.

It didn't take long. I'd felt it coming ever since we'd dumped Double D's body on the pile. Slowly my knees buckled and I wound up sitting in the middle of what felt like a nightmare and had a hard cry. I finally made myself stop when I came to realize the rest of the noise was just gratuitous and unconstructive. I got up and was turning my pockets out trying to find something clean to wipe my nose with when a hand out of the dark handed me a bandana.

I wanted to run the opposite direction but knew I'd just have to live with him seeing me that way. Aston asked, "You done?" But there wasn't any cruelty or teasing to it.

I wiped my nose and face and said, "Pretty much."

He was silent for a few moments. "Today pretty much sucked."

I sighed. "Yeah."

"Tomorrow's gotta be better."

I answered, "Let's hope."

He grunted. "Coach always said hope wasn't a plan."

I nodded, "Coach always had sense. Then again, there's nothing wrong with hope."

"Nope."

I looked at him and he looked at me. Nothing more was said. We simply turned back to the house and trudged home. There were warm drinks and soup waiting on us, but more importantly that's where the people that we loved and that loved us were waiting.


	34. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 11

**The Unholy Roamin' Empire: Part 11**

We were a long while internalizing and coming to accept what we had done. Reggie and I didn't like what we did, didn't harbor any kind of pride in it, but I think the two of us handled the personal acceptance part better than the others did.

There was no self-loathing or anything like that. I, despite the absurdity of going through all that I had in my life yet still having the occasional rose-colored blind spot, handled things a bit by getting angry at the people that had put us in the situation where we'd been forced to choose between two very unsavory options … giving up and letting the bad guys roll over us and abuse our "Hobbits" or stand up and defend ourselves with fatal consequences for our enemy. Reggie seemed to add it to his ledger of being different; he seemed to accept that it put him further away from everyone. Didn't he get a surprise when Ginger handled what she'd done by working her way further into his life and not letting him put any more distance between them.

Jax's way of dealing with it was looking at it like he had a responsibility to Kelly and to me. He loved us. His reason for being was wrapped up in being our protector and provider. What bothered him more than killing or getting shot was that he wasn't here when I had to go through that. It wasn't that I had done it but that he hadn't been a shield to blunt the consequences. It is hard to explain to someone that never met the man. Jax cared. A simple concept but a true one. He cared more about how what I did made me feel than about what it was that I did, more than about how what he did made him feel. We both held it together during the day or when we were around other people but when we were alone in our room a piece of paper wouldn't have fit between us. The warmth and contact of another understanding human being helped more than any number of platitudes possibly could have.

The first two days after the battle we were all high strung. We took that energy and focused it on defensive measures. We rebuilt a lot of the boobies, repeating the ones that worked and dismantling the ones that didn't. After talking to Mr. Houchins who admitted that his family was going through similar to what we were we developed the plan to blow the bridge and pass roads. We laid out the explosives and then Aston and I completed it.

Blowing the bridge and the span around the Pass gave us all a little bit of peace of mind. It made it harder for people coming from the direction of town to reach us. The number of dead bad guys that Mr. Houchins let us know through Junior and Aston meeting up to exchange information and antibiotics and herbal remedies for one of Junior's little brothers who had developed a bad case of bronchitis gave us more peace of mind. Between our original battle with people that hadn't shown up for the attack on the Houchins clan combined with the second group that was men fleeing from that losing battle Reggie and I had done for quite a few more bad guys. And I suppose in a way that added a touch more to our peace of mind though it came at a cost I could have done without. But we were never completely at peace … only at a piece of peace as they say these days. There were still too many bad things and potential bad things going on in the world around us; all we had to do was listen to the radio to find this out.

There was considerably more ham radio traffic than there had been once communities set up radio stations to try and stay apprised of what was going on in the world around them. Regular radio also made a return as the government and large corporations tried to fill the vacuum that the terrorists and war left in their wake. Not all stations had twenty-four hour schedules but during the day there were some fairly decent shows, some of them even being useful in ways to make do and being frugal with what resources were available.

"I bet Matt is chomping at the bit to get the community radio station up and running," Jax said one night over dinner.

Reggie thought about it and said, "Sounds like something he'd want to do. Widen his sphere of influence or whatever."

At the same time Aston barked a laugh and asked, "Start it up with what? His looks?"

I said, "He won't do it unless he's sure that he can control the content of what is broadcast. So long as he isn't in control of the bad guys …" I ended on a shrug.

Ashley asked, "What do you mean in control of the bad guys?"

I let Reggie explain what we'd overheard about Matt being put in charge of some project or group of people by someone called Suicide. It was a sobering thought for all of us that one of our old friends would turn like that. It was already hard to accept Double D's change, but being put in charge of the bad guys was a much higher level of betrayal. It gave us even more to think about and consider when it came to our plans. Eventually someone would likely challenge us again and we would need to be ready.

While it was true that it would take people longer to get back to this part of the county with the main travel routes as compromised as we had left them, it didn't mean that we were completely cut off. As awful as it was we were left hoping that the bad guys would go after closer, easier pickings … or even better, move along to some new place to ride roughshod over. I wasn't comfortable wishing bad luck on someone else but I just wanted the bad guys to go away; to go away and stop doing things that had us choosing to do things that were hard to live with.

The drastic change in weather we were experiencing was a blessing, but for some reason I've never understood blessings always seem to come in the form of two-edge swords. The harsh cold and damp was probably a bigger deterrent than anything manmade to keeping the bad guys away. Even with vehicles they still would have been forced to fight in this weather if they wanted to take us. Thankfully the bad guys that we were then faced with seemed to be of the source that preferred as much comfort as they could get with the least amount of work so battling out in the icy mud and sleet didn't encourage them to do anything but hole up whether they were. At the same time however that weather kept us bottled up more than we had been as well.

There's good and bad things about being cooped up when the weather is too cold and damp to spend a lot of time outside. It is good because you are kind of forced to relax in the same way the cold weather forces the plants and trees and animals to relax a bit before spring time brings new life and new challenges into the world. But it can be bad too … especially when it gives people time to start thinking.

"Wow. Hey Lydie … look at this. It says worms are a good way to compost kitchen scraps."

Turning to Ashley who was engrossed in the books I had been using to try and plan out a larger garden for spring I replied, "I know. Mom used to have a really active worm bed on the other side of the chicken yard."

She asked, "What do you mean used to?"

Wiping my hands on the apron I was wearing after washing and scraping carrots to go in that night's stew I told her, "After … after they died I couldn't seem to keep it up? I let it go."

Truly perplexed she asked, "Why?! The books say it is super easy. I mean even I could do it."

I shrugged. "I just didn't have the time I guess."

Aston and I almost ran into each other in the hall. He'd had his face buried in one of the old magazines that was normally in a basket in the bathroom and I hadn't seen him over the load of towels I had just folded and was taking to the linen closet. "Hey Lydie, what do you know about wood gasification?"

Grimacing at the feeling of having scratched my knuckles on a door frame when I'd tried to save myself from dropping the basket and having to start all over again I told him, "I know there should be some books on it in the library that are more detailed than that old magazine is. Dad and I had one three-quarters built before … Anyway, I just never finished it."

"Why not?! It seems like a perfect way to clean up the old wood that doesn't get used after winter."

Shrugging and moving past him I answered, "I just didn't have the time."

I was measuring the ice down in the cold room, trying to decide if it was worth putting containers on the back porch at night and bringing the resulting ice down to the cellar in the morning or if it was work that could be put off when Ginger cornered me. "Hey Lydie."

"Yeah Ginger?" I asked only half way listening.

"Ash and I have been reading your mom's recipe files and some of her cookbooks and gardening books and she's got all sorts of notes crabbed into the margins about wild foods and where to find them, how good they are, and how they save on the regular gardening work. How come we never did any of that stuff? How come you only told us to work in the garden or pull stuff from the edible landscaping around the house?"

"I asked you to help in the garden I didn't make you," I told her defensively after what she was saying caught my undivided attention.

"You know what I mean," she replied breezily. "Wouldn't it have been a lot easier if we had just been able to gather stuff from the woods instead of trying grow everything we needed?"

"I don't know … maybe, but probably not. It's a lot more work than you think; more time too. I used to do stuff like that with Mom but I haven't done it in a while."

Giving me a curiously birdlike stare that made me feel a bit like a bug under observation she asked, "How come?"

"I … I just didn't have time I guess," I said still feeling defensive.

"Hey Lydie." I almost cringed when Reggie found me in the attic trying to finally make the time to organize the salvage and other supplies that had been moved up there because there was no room for them any place else once the guys had taken over half the basement for the armory.

"Yeah Reg?"

"I was looking at …"

"At what?" I said, almost snapping, knowing that a critique of my lack of something was in the offing.

Startled at my tone he said, "Uh … never mind."

I shook my head. "Sorry … just been one of those days. What was it you needed?"

"Didn't need anything, I was just wondering."

"About?" I asked as I went back to taking fabric off cardboard bolts and folding it up to put on cedar lined shelves.

"Well I was trying to come up with some ideas of things to do when the weather warms up and I've been meaning to ask about the beehives that are stacked out in the orchard. I mean, they're empty. Did you all used to keep bees?"

I sighed. Yup … another critique. "Dad did but then we lost a couple of hives to some bee disease or other … you can find it in Dad's farm account books on that shelf behind his desk. After the hives failed we started getting all of our honey in trade from the Mennonites. Dad had ordered new bees to start our hives up again but then … anyway, when they came in I just gave them to Mrs. Mulcher at the Extension Office for her 4H Club."

"Why?! We'd be sitting pretty right about now and not wondering where all of the sweetening and sugar and stuff was going to come from next year."

Closing my eyes in exasperation I said, "Because I didn't have the time and hindsight is 20/20."

"Didn't have …? You didn't even have a job Lydie. You …"

I was in danger of blowing a gasket and throwing a royal tantrum but Jax saved the day by coming down from the cupola. "Hey Reg … you up here to relieve me or what?"

"Yeah … coming," he said. I could hear the mild disgust in his voice. It wasn't quite a judgment on the fact that he thought I'd missed a prime opportunity and he didn't understand how I could have; nevertheless it rankled and I had a hard time not giving in to the temptation to throw something at the back of his head as it disappeared up into the cupola.

He went up and I just kept folding, trying to plow through what needed to be done. I wasn't listening to what they were saying but I caught the tail end where Reggie said something to the effect, "Yeah, yeah already. I get it."

I only vaguely wondered what that was about because I got a little caught up in looking at the fine legs of the fine man that I had hitched myself to as he came down the circular staircase from the cupola. They might have been hidden by the jeans he was wearing but since I knew what was there I used my imagination to good effect. He was still moving a little slow from being shot but not so's most people would notice. But I did. As I worked my way up his torso I realized I wasn't the only one doing some looking. I dropped my eyes and tried to appear busy when I realized he'd caught me staring. I expected him to make me blush even more but instead he said, "C'mon. This can wait."

"Huh? Wait … I was in the middle …"

"I know. Just c'mon. Kelly will be up from her nap soon and I want to talk."

About half the time when he said he wanted to talk, talking was the last thing on his mind. This time when he said it though I wasn't too sure what exactly he meant. I kept my mouth shut until our bedroom door closed. "Something wrong?"

"Yeah."

I was ready for the next person to tell me I hadn't thought ahead or hadn't used my time wisely. But instead he sat on the bed then pulled me down beside him. "Something is wrong all right and I want you to stop it."

"Uh … ok … just tell me what it is I'm doing wrong."

"Not you. Them. I know they don't realize what they're doing and I know they mean well and all that but I also know reading something in a book and sitting around talking about is a lot more difficult than actually putting words to action."

I was clueless for about two seconds until I added it up and understood he meant that he'd overheard what the others had been saying. "It's OK. They …"

"No, it isn't OK. They're sitting around with their nose in a book or making notes once their regular chores are done … the stuff that has to be done every day to keep things running smoothly. But I sure don't see them looking to take care of the long list of other stuff that needs to be done around here, that while it isn't absolutely essential that it gets done, that will become essential if it doesn't eventually get done. Like getting the attic organized so we know what we have and where it is. Like all the extra cleaning that you do so that stuff doesn't wear out before it has to. Like the mending and sewing that sits around not getting done because they just think they can dig into the bags of salvaged clothes for something that doesn't need mending."

"Jax …"

"Uh uh. I'm talking this time." He stopped stretched his neck and shoulders like they were tense. "I'm not saying that they are being terrible. They've come a long way from where they were, I'll admit that with no problem, but they still don't know what it takes to run a house by themselves much less a farm. It isn't right that they are criticizing you when they didn't walk in your shoes. They're getting a little self-righteous when they don't have any room to have it."

I sighed and then climbed up into his lap and just hung on. It was like finding safe harbor in the middle of a bad storm. I sighed. "Thank you." I put my hand on his cheek and kissed him, being careful not to knock into his side which was still plenty sore. "So long as you understand I'm satisfied."

"Does that mean you aren't going to say anything?"

I smiled a little smugly. "Catch more flies with honey than vinegar is what Mom used to say and I'm beginning to see her point."

"Which is?"

Smiling slightly I said, "Which is that come spring they'll learn soon enough. Let them plan and read and wonder for now. It keeps them busy and from feeling all cooped up and out of sorts. It gives them something at least a little constructive to think about and spend their energy on. Keeps them from being bored and brangling with one another … and with me. Come spring when the real work starts, when they realize they can't make up the difference with salvage or whatever, then they'll know what being busy and not having enough time really means. C'mon, you know good and well you could have raked me over the coals a few times over how I was learning to take care of Kelly. I wanted to know why you had to carry her everywhere and why you didn't do this and why you didn't do that. Admit it, I knew next to nothing about taking care of little kids when you and Kelly came to live here and I probably sounded like a pompous know it all."

He tried to keep a straight face but slowing a smile escaped. He leaned us back so that we went from sitting on the bed to laying on the bed. "OK, so you had a … uh … learning curve. But you picked it up quick."

"Because I had to. And they'll pick it up too. Ashley is almost six months along. Part of her wigginess is wondering about how she is going to have the baby without a hospital, doctor, or pain killers. Ginger's wigginess is that she is still trying to figure Reggie out." I shrugged. "What she doesn't understand is that Reg is … is shy … kinda … at least about her."

Jax put one hand behind his head and pulled me to him with the other. "I'm glad we got through that part before we had an audience."

I nodded in agreement. "Reggie is … Reggie. I don't know if he can bring himself to believe that Ginger really feels anything for him yet." I didn't have to go into Reggie's family life for Jax to understand what I meant. "And Aston … Aston is finding himself and trying to figure out how to be who Ashley and their baby needs him to be at the same time. I think he's scared."

Jax said, "I know he is. One day it just sort of hits you that you are going to be a father and it takes everything you've got not to freak out about it. Maybe I won't be that way with you … I mean if we …" He huffed, "You know what I mean. I'm not putting any pressure on you I just …"

"Relax. You weren't upsetting me by mentioning it. I'd be pretty stupid not to realize that there is nothing that is 100% foolproof when it comes to birth control. I just … I'm just not ready to …"

He gave me a one armed hug and kissed the top of my head. "Me either. Not while things are like they are. Not while … not while I have to live with you going on patrol and … Just not yet. I'd be too … too worried that something was to happen and …" He blew air out of pursed lips. "There's just too many things that can go wrong. Ashley and Aston are right to be worried but … but we'll all do the best we can to help them." After a moment he asked perplexed, "And how did you turn this around so that I'm back to feeling bad for them when I was about ready to snap their heads off?"

I rolled over and sat up and moved so that I could pull his head into my lap and told him, "Ah, that's my secret and I'll never tell."

"Never tell?" he growled playfully … quietly though because Kelly was still napping. "Is that a dare?"

"Well," I said smiling and scooting around the bed a bit. "It could be if you want it to be."

I would have been happy to stay snuggled in the bed with Jax for the rest of the day – hang the rest of my chores – but Kelly woke up and needed her father's attention and I had to get downstairs since it was my turn to fix supper.

Yep, I wasn't too sorry that the cold weather was slowing things down. As it was I had more to do than I could handle. I just hoped the bad guys would stay away for some good while longer. But if Matt was put "in charge" I had no idea what that would mean for the rest of us.


	35. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 12

**The Unholy Roamin' Empire: Part 12**

"Confounded thing! You'd think you'd show a little appreciation! I'm just trying to bring you out of the cold so that you have some place warm to sleep and food to eat instead of that dried up kudzu patch the lot of you were living in. But no. Of course not. You wind up being the most obstinate, irritating … ack!" I wound up calling him Grimm. The name suited him, but why is another story.

It took me the better part of a day to catch and then pull that irritating cuss of a goat from an area near the quarry that had been taken over by kudzu to the truck, into the back of the truck and get him and his herd into the enclosed trailer, and then back to the home place where we unloaded them into an area we'd fenced in with cyclone fencing we "liberated" from the paper mill. It wasn't because the goats were necessarily mean but because at the worst possible moments most of the idiot things would lock their legs and fall over in an apparent faint of some kind. Worse, Jax and Reggie would then fall into hysterical laughter at their antics. They eventually stopped laughing when the goats seemed to start doing it on purpose to be irritating and make it difficult to maneuver them in the direction we needed them to go.

Once they were in the fenced in area I was finally able to get enough of a look at them to figure out what kind they most likely were. I'd had a suspicion of what they were based on their stupid "fainting" technique but you can never be too careful when it comes to assuming anything with animals. They'll turn around and butt you in the behind and you'll wind up using your jaw as a root rake … which is what happened to Reggie. Twice.

The goats were a breed called Myotonic which means wooden leg; pretty much described how they acted when they got scared or snarky. The book I had liberated from the feed store said they were more commonly known as Tennessee Meat Goats and are one of the few breeds of goats indigenous to the US. The thing that marked these goats primarily for meat is that they have big heavy backsides and they are barrel chested. What I was happiest to read was that they are not good climbers or jumpers so keeping them penned up would be easier than many breeds. They are also good mothers so you don't have to have a separate bonding pen. And not only are they good for meat, this particular breed also has a good milk supply.

I noticed that not all of the goats "fainted" and suspected some of them might be cross breeds. The book had a footnote in it that said the fainting gene was recessive and rarely carried over in a cross breed; and, that the TMG breed also bred with other goats pretty easily, especially something called the Boer goat. I thought that would be good to know if we ever ran up on some other goats.

Grimm was the largest of the heard weighed in at about a hundred and ten pounds. Given my experience with him that first day I expected him to be a real stinker but after two days he stopped trying to ram me any time I presented my behind. From there on after he would nip my butt but usually just to be a playful stinker rather than out of meanness. He was a shaggy animal and required brushing. I had to be careful while I was brushing him because he seemed to take delight in trying to nibble my braids. The stinker would even try and pull them out of the pins I had used to wrap them around my head. And forget ribbons or ties on the end of my braids; that was way too much temptation.

Why I called him Grimm was because I found that if I talked to him while I brushed him or fed the herd he seemed to get calm, to the point that it seemed unless I was telling him a story he would get bent out of shape and misbehave. Kelly enjoyed the stories too and particularly liked fairy tales. If I told that blasted story of the goats trip trapping over the troll's bridge once, I must have told it a million times. I don't know who enjoyed it more, Kelly or Grimm. Some of his descendants still live out in the paddock behind the house. They're useful at keeping the grass grazed down to a manageable level, especially these days when the idea of jumping on a bush hog to mow doesn't exactly thrill my bones any.

Where the goats came from I have no idea and never did find out. But in all honesty there wasn't that much time for me to wonder back then and just as big a waste of time now. That November was a busy month, filled with hunting and meat preservation. It was also time to prepare the green house for winter. I'd let it go since my family died and there were quite a few repairs to make. Once that was accomplished I moved in my pots of blueberry seedlings, fruit tree seedlings, and some of my more freeze sensitive potted herbs.

We also put the storm windows up – wasn't that a treat – and reinstalled the lexan panels on part of the back porch that acted as an insulator for the part of the house that tended to catch the coldest breezes in the winter. I normally would have done all manner of fall cleaning inside the houses and barns and sheds but to be honest there just wasn't time even with five other people helping. I realized I would have to be more organized about it the next year but then I also realized we probably wouldn't have the same issues then because all of the salvaging would be done and over with and perhaps even used up.

For Thanksgiving that year we had all the traditional side dishes but our meat was a goat barbecue. Somehow or other the goats had upended the watering trough I had put in there. It had been full of water just an hour before I went out and found the buck with what turned out to be a broken hip; given the bruising it looked like the edge of the trough caught him good as it went over aided by the weight of the water. It had to have taken several of those goats acting in concert to get the water trough turned over given it size and volume. To this day I'm not sure how they pulled it off and I always wondered why that particular goat got injured; it was the only male goat that seemed to challenge Grimm. Never before or since have I ever witnessed anything quite like that. I've seen chickens do the death squad/assassination thing on the hen at the lowest end of the pecking order or if one gets sick but I've never seen other animals behave that way. Jax told me it was my imagination but …

I was glad that Thanksgiving turned out the way it did because I'd been really stressing. About two weeks after the battle with the baddies Jax went over to the Houchins place for some errand or other that I can't any longer recall and we got a bit of a shock. Mr. Houchins did indeed have a big radio set up and he monitored lots of radio frequencies. He heard news from around the world because he has such a powerful antenna and receiver. But it was the ones closer to home that was of more immediate interest.

Jax came home that day and I knew right away that something was off; however, at first I couldn't tell if he was angry or just irritated.

I didn't even get to finish my greeting. "Hey Ja…"

"We need a meeting … all of us … now." He continued on into the house and I was leaning a little bit more towards the angry side of the equation.

I looked as Aston and asked cautiously, "Bad day at the Houchins farm?"

Aston glowered and said, "Not exactly."

Ashley came bouncing along and said, "Hey Babe! How did it …"

"We're having a committee meeting. Let's go in the kitchen."

Ashley looked at me with those doe eyes she could muster back then and all I could do was shrug. We both followed Aston into the kitchen where we found Jax mushing Reggie and Ginger into the room and dropping Kelly into her highchair where she did not want to go.

Jax used a very rare tone when he looked at her and said, "Kelly Marie Remington … sit."

Jax so seldom used that tone that I think everyone in the kitchen was startled. Certainly Kelly's bottom lip quivered and she got a little sullen the way toddlers can, but she sat. So did the rest of us. The rest of us except Jax that is; he prowled the kitchen like it was a cage and he was a cat with too much energy.

I looked at Aston who had a closed look on his face and wasn't talking. I looked at Jax who didn't seem to know how to start. Sighing and wondering whether I was going to get my head bit off for my pains I said, "OK guys, at least give us a clue."

Both of them simultaneously, like a double barrel shotgun, growled, "Matt!"

Yikes. "What about him?" I asked, trying not to set them off.

Aston looked at Jax who in turn finally pulled out a chair, turned it backwards and straddled it. "Houchins has a real nice radio set up."

Reggie said, "Kinda figured that given how strong their signal always is."

Aston said, "Nice isn't what I'd call it … more like what I'd expect the national guard to have or something like that."

Reggie nodded like that made sense and said, "Might have liberated it from a national guard outpost or someplace like it. Maybe the sheriff's substation."

The guys all nodded and I looked at Ginger and Ashley wondering how long we were going to have to wait them out until they could actually bring themselves to stick to the original OP.

Jax was worrying his bottom lip and said, "We need a better set up here."

When Reggie and Aston started making plans I'd come to the end of my rope. As calmly as I could I said, "If you don't mind, can you explain why you came in here like someone ate the last piece of fried chicken and all you got was a bunch of forks in the back of your hand?"

Aston and Jax did it again. "Matt!"

Less politely I said, "Got that the first time you said it. Might be nice if you would expand your explanation by a few words."

Aston said, "He's broadcasting."

"Yeah? So? From what I understand from you guys it isn't the first time he's tried that. Has he suddenly become the grand wizard of the refugees and advertising for new recruits?"

Jax shook his head, "No."

I felt like I was starting to grind the enamel off my molars. I turned to look at Aston who said, "Nothing like that. Well, not exactly anyway."

My foot started tapping nervously under the table. Jax and I have gotten better at taking turns talking and trying to understand each other but back then my graciousness and manners usually diminished in direct proportion to my loss of patience; people would tell you that is pretty much still true today. It was getting harder and harder to wait for the guys to get around to actually explaining what was going on.

When I started nervously messing with the end of my braids and rocking ever so slightly in the chair I was sitting in Jax must have finally clued in that I was trying hard but that I was reaching the end because he said, "It's Matt."

Ginger, who was sitting beside me jumped when I nearly squeaked in frustration. "You said that already!"

Jax nodded and said, "That should explain it."

"Explain what? You haven't done anything but growl his name!"

Jax snarled, "Matt is being a jerk."

Totally flummoxed by the fact that he and Aston both seemed to be colluding to drive me insane I asked, "And that's news? What specifically has he done that is above and beyond his normal level of jerk-i-tude?"

Jax gave me a look and asked, "So you think he's a jerk?"

My jaw nearly hit the floor. "OK, something is going on here. Why would you ask a question like that with your face all hanging out? Were you or were you not there when I got a major slap down in the pride department when I found out about him and Marty?"

"So you don't intend on forgiving him?"

I was sure that I was going insane at that point. "Are … you … kidding?! I forgave him for myself, not for him. More reasons to develop ulcers I don't need. I've managed to put him and what he did to me behind me but if you think that I'm ready to make nice to him then the answer is no. I'll keep my distance as long as possible thank you very much. Matt has a bad habit of rubbing people's faces in things and I don't feel particularly partial to that level of humiliation." I stood up and started doing my own pacing in the space left in the room. "Now what the heck brought this on?"

To be honest my feelings were hurt. I know now, and even then in the back of my mind, that my reaction was a little out of proportion to what had been said but something was rubbing me the wrong way. I was trying not to show it before I could understand what had Jax … and Aston for that matter … so bent out of shape that they'd act like a couple of bucket heads, but it wasn't easy.

"Mr. Houchins has been hearing things on the radio."

In frustration bordering on anger I replied, "Yeah, you've already said that too. You also said that it was Matt he heard. Aston kindly confused things even more by alluding to the fact that Matt's broadcasts may or may not have to do with recruiting people to the gang he may or may not now lead. So, with those facts firmly established for the eleventy dozenth time, can we please get to the next part of this long freaking drawn out story?"

Jax snapped, "Well excuse the heck out of me!"

In frustration I yanked my braid hard enough to make myself wince and then flung it away from my overly energetic hands. "Look, I'm sorry but put yourself in my shoes. If you'd been on the receiving end of this so-called explanation you wouldn't exactly be doing the happy dance right about now would you?"

He opened his mouth to make an automatic denial then deflated a little. "Guess not." He ran a hand through his perpetually messy hair reminding me of how he looked when Kelly got finished using it for hand holds when he ran her around the yard on his shoulders. Finally he sighed, "Let's sit down and … and I'll try and not …"

Ginger stepped into the breach and said, "Everyone understands that Matt is your cousin and I'm sure that makes what he's done a little harder on you but even I'm getting kind of wired waiting for you and Aston to explain what's going on."

Ashley nodded a "me too" but Reggie simply leaned back his chair and in a sardonic voice said, "Not me. No offense to your family Jax but Matt is a certified butt monkey so nothing he does will surprise me and hearing about it will likely simply lead me to believe even more firmly that he is a certified butt monkey. But mostly Matt is a bore … a boring certified butt monkey."

Ginger and Ashley each frogged one of Reggie's arms, and not in a playful way either. I said to no one in particular, "That's gonna leave a bruise."

Reggie mumbled while rubbing his upper arms, "Two of them." But he did shut up.

Aston rolled his eyes and Jax scrubbed his face with his hands. I looked at Jax and he at me and finally he spit it out. "He isn't trying to recruit anyone in general … he is trying to recruit you in particular."

I just looked at him and then shook my head like I wasn't sure I had really heard what I thought I had heard. "Wait … did you just say he is trying to … to … uh … recruit me?"

"Yeah."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And did you think I would honestly fall for his line of BS?"

The look on my face gave Jax an indication that his answer had grave repercussions.

"Uh …"

Outraged and then more outraged that began to add a heaping side order of anger, I slowly stood up from the table, carefully pushed my chair in, and then walked out onto the porch and then out into the yard and over to the fish pond. Every movement I made was controlled and sparing. I was breathing through my feelings but it felt like a losing battle. And if I lost it, I refused to do it in front of other people. I knew how nasty my temper could be and I knew how important it was not to have it blow all over other people.

About five minutes later Jax showed up and I was still pretty angry but had a better handle on why I was angry. Still careful in what I was letting out I asked, "Do you take me for an idiot?"

Startled out of the explanation he was about to make he said, "Huh? No, of course not. I never said you were."

Still fighting for calm I said, "But don't you think me falling for Matt's malarkey pretty much would make me an idiot?"

"Uh …"

"And don't you think me falling for Matt's malarkey would be betraying you?"

"Uh … about that …"

I turned away from him and rocked myself just from the sheer volume of feeling I was going through. I said quietly, "I thought we'd worked through this when you got bent out of shape about Reggie talking to me that time."

"So … you remember that?"

"Yeah," I told him grimly. "It's not like you were nasty or anything. I suppose being together in front of other people was pretty new back then. But … but we've been together … longer … and …"

"Hey … hey you … you aren't going to cry are you?"

I blew air slowly out between my lips and then turned to face him. "No Jax. I'm not going to cry. What I am right now is very, very angry and more than a little hurt. Or don't you think I'd feel like a dumb whore or something with you thinking that I'd …"

"Hey now. Just whoa. I never …"

I put out my hand palm first. "Oh yes … yes you did. You didn't come right out and say it, that's not your style. But you all but did say that I'd jump out of bed with you and jump in bed with Matt … a place I never was in case you've had an extreme brain injury bringing on memory loss."

I turned away from him again because the poor dumb guy face was just making me madder. He wasn't stupid, he was a guy. And for some reason beyond my ability to fathom guys never seem to understand what their jealousy says about their opinion of the girls' morals and commonsense.

"It isn't you … it's Matt," he explained.

"And how exactly is Matt supposed to 'recruit' me if I'm unwilling to fall for his line of BS? I'm no longer interested in jumping his bones if I ever was and I sure as heck find his recent activities way over in the mentally disturbed range of the human-o-meter. So explain to me exactly why you think I have so many screws loose that I'd …"

Jax stepped up to me and wrapped me in a hug. I was stiff and unyielding. "That's not what I meant," he whispered into my hair.

"Ok. Fine."

"But you're still angry."

"Yeah. I am." Then I sighed in resignation. "I'm angry … but I suppose I'll get over it. You're more important – we're more important – than the anger is." I felt him relax but I felt forced to add, "But no more of this Jax. I'm not one of those females that find it flattering. In fact it pretty much grosses me out and turns me off. And if we didn't have other people around I can't guarantee that I wouldn't act some nastier over this. If we didn't need to keep the peace right now it's real possible you wouldn't be getting any peace. You understand what I'm trying to say?"

I felt him nod against my hair. "Pretty much. And at the risk of making things worse before they get better … are you sure you aren't … aren't interested in what Matt could offer you?"

I tried to pull away but he exerted just enough strength to keep me bound to him. "You … are … damaged," I hissed. "After all I just said you still would ask …"

"Yeah … yeah I'm asking. I'm asking because … because I need to hear you say it."

If he hadn't been so serious I might have elbowed him to escape and stalked off. I grabbed the edges of my shredded patience and said, "No. Matt doesn't and never will have the ability to offer me anything that I'd want bad enough that I wouldn't or couldn't try to get it for myself. Now can I ask why you needed to hear me say it?"

"Because I did." I tried to walk out of his arms again and he sighed. "Because I did … because Darlene … because … because she took me for a ride. And after Darlene the few girls … women … I tried to … to start something with … look it all just … left a mark I guess. And now that I have you … that … that we're building … this … this …" This time it was he that walked a few steps away leaving me unprepared for how cold it was without his arms around me. "I thought … you'd … you'd understand after the way Matt treated you. At the same time I'm not so blind as I can't see that potentially Matt has …"

I walked over and bumped into him, inviting him without words to put his arms back around me. "Matt has nothing that I want. Not only that, even if he did I'm smart enough to realize it comes with all sorts of strings. And to re-blind myself to what Matt is, I'd have to forget everything that has happened and everything that I've learned he's done. And I can't. I can forgive him for what he did to me … the lies and … and humiliation in front of everyone … but I can't trust him anymore. So does that answer your question any better?"

Quietly he asked, "You don't think I should need to ask? To hear it?"

I shrugged. "I'm … I'm honestly not sure. Part of me is hurt that you would need to but … but if I'm using my vaunted gift of insight …" He snorted and I saw a small upward tilt at the corner of one side of his mouth appear. I sighed and admitted, "If I'm being fair then I have to understand that I'm not the only one in the world that is allowed to have issues and a past they came out of." Giving yet another sigh I added, "Just try and control this particular issue. It sets me off and it is insulting in a way that I'm not used to being insulted." Turning to look into his face I added, "Whether you meant to or not."

He nodded then attempted an apologetic kiss that was meant to catch me around my ear but thankfully for both of us I turned in his arms and helped him aim a tad more accurately so that his lips landed on mine.

After a moment we walked back into the house together. Reggie gave us one of his patented smart aleck looks and asked, "Are your wee feelings all fixed?"

I gave him the evil eye and answered, "You better hope they are or your life could quickly become a living hell. When momma ain't happy …"

Ginger and Ashley smiled and chorused, " … nobody's happy."

All three of us looked at Reggie so that he ducked his head and raised his hands defensively and said, "Ok … ok … let's just get back to business. I don't feel like talking away my nap time before I have to go on night duty."

So we did.

Basically as I heard it that day Matt was, in a roundabout way, trying to make it appear that there had been some horrible misunderstanding. That the bad gang members had been purged or run out of town by the good guys and that the only people left just wanted to get on with their lives and survive the winter. And in typical fashion Matt intimated that he had a plan and only the best supporting players would do to bring such a brilliant plan to fruition. And apparently I was at the head of the supporting player's class.

I still wasn't sure at that point exactly how much Matt knew about the home place. None of us were sure if he even knew where it was for sure, how well off we were, and if he was aware of what had transpired during the battle of the baddies. I wasn't even sure he realized that we'd all hooked up. The guys seemed pretty confident that Matt had no idea how well armed we were but they couldn't be one hundred percent about what the bad guys might have radioed back to their home base … or even if they had radioed in such information.

His tactic during that time and into the beginning of December was simply talking to someone like they were far off when Mr. Houchins had done some nifty triangulating – one of his sons was actually a retired Army Ranger and a nephew-in-law was a retired Navy Seal – and was able to tell that both radios were in fixed positions inside the city limits and that while Matt was the only one to use one radio, there was a rotating list of voices on the other radio though they changed names and tried to play it off. In other words he was scamming; and it might have been a good plan if he had been dealing with people less suspicious and more gullible … but he wasn't.

It was all just cheap talk in the beginning, easily ignored but stressful to listen to after Jax and Reggie salvaged more of the radio equipment from the paper mill – especially a better antenna. Weather and distance had much less effect on our reception than they had before and we were able to catch the townies' regular broadcasts … and even some they might not have meant for us to overhear as we had acquired a set up that included a descrambler thanks to the mill bosses propensity to try and listen in on conversations between employees that the employees might not have wanted to have overheard.

But when December came in Matt took the rhetoric up a notch and started asking people to let him know if they'd seen me or heard me on the radio – which nixed me going on air from that point forward – and if they didn't feel comfortable doing that, if they would just pretty please with sugar on top get a message to me.

"Why does he even think I'm still alive?" I asked in frustration at finding myself the focus of such a single minded search. "Or even in the area? I haven't tried to contact him and haven't had any kind of interaction with his group. Could someone be watching the home place and none of us know it. Wait, that doesn't make any sense. He wouldn't be trying to locate me if he knew where I was." I shook my head and then snapped, "This is ridiculous. Why is he doing this? I feel like a goldfish in a really small bowl."

Jax shrugged but Reggie said, "Because he is a narcissist and he can't allow himself to believe you aren't still around if that is what he wants. See, for some reason he is fixated on bringing you back under his influence and it's not just that he won't quit but maybe that he can't quit until he pulls it off."

I snorted in disbelief. "His influence? Matt took me for a ride but he's no Svengali for Pete's sake. There has to be something more to this."

Thoughtfully Jax asked, "Does it have to be one or the other? Why can't he need to have you back for his personal reasons and need to have you back for some other reason as well?"

I rolled my eyes and laughed in disbelief. "Because … that makes me a heck of a lot more important than I really am?"

Still looking thoughtful Jax said, "Now wait, I told you about … about how he really did seem to care for you before the SHTF. Maybe he did … maybe he still does. Maybe not having you to … to fall back on is wigging his self confidence."

This time I really did laugh. "Or maybe Marty just dumped him and he's trying to go back for some of the tried and true. Geez you guys. This is just insane."

Reggie laughed. "Of course it is. Our whole lives are insane right now. And none of us knows for sure how that has really affected Matt's brain pan. The whole gamer showcase of stars costume ball was his creation, and he used it to manipulate the susceptible amongst us. But that doesn't mean that Matt didn't get off on it too … the new persona, the imaginary powers, yada yada yada. What if Matt was living in a fantasy too and now that his fantasy has been shattered he is either trying to recreate the old one, only in a new and improved format, or he's trying to create a totally new one. Knowing Matt, seeing what he is capable of, either/or is possible."

I was getting uncomfortable. "Even if that were true … there has to be some underlying reason why me in particular. I mean he could just pick some other girl and then his fantasy life problem would be over."

Jax asked quietly, "What if Matt isn't as in control of the town as he is making himself out to be? What if …? What if you have something he needs."

"Huh?" I asked in disbelief. "It sure isn't my brains. I might have given Matt a run in school but he always won in the end … always came in first, got the best grade, whatever."

Looking thoughtful Reggie asked, "What if that's it? What if he thinks you make him better?"

"Uh … getting a little psychologically wiggy there Reg. And maybe a little silly?"

He shook his head and looked at Jax. "If I had to hang a label on my old man it would be that he was a narcissist too. All the classic traits: couldn't take anything he perceived as criticism without feeling humiliated and blowing up, used people and then threw them away with no shame or remorse, self-centered like the whole freaking universe revolved around him and his opinions, needed constant attention regardless of how he got it, unrealistic goals, didn't have any healthy relationships for long because he would usually taint them with his jealousy or obsessions, and yet most people just considered him to be unemotional or detached … few people got to see how unglued he could become, how really dangerous. I don't think he was born with an empathetic bone in his whole body even though he often played like he did for strangers he wanted something from. Tell me that that doesn't sound like Matt."

I gave it an honest thought and replied, "OK, sure, at least some of it. But some of those things you listed could apply to anyone."

"Yeah, I know. But it is the number of narcissistic traits that really lays it out. You know how everyone thought of Matt yet at the same time … everyone wanted to be around him for some reason. And he loved it, came to expect it. And he'd blow up when …"

"OK, so I get it already," I told Reggie. "I still don't see how that has anything to do with what we are talking about."

"But it does. What if Matt is at a crossroad, at a point where he might be forced to face that his goals are out of his reach, that he just isn't good enough to pull them off. Narcissists are really bad at facing reality. What if he is seeking a way to improve his odds? And what if he thinks that you … YOU … are what would improve his odds because when he was with you things were better; and, frankly you did give him a run for his money."

I looked at Jax for help but Jax was listening to Reggie with extreme interest. "Oh come on guys. This sounds like a plot in a really, really bad movie."

Reggie shrugged. "Maybe … but truth is often stranger than fiction. You know Matt was always good at details, minutia, the academic side of things. But none of his ideas were really original, just variations on what other people came up with or maybe a better application of what they come up with. You on the other hand … you are smart in a way that is probably pretty alien to ol' Matt. You my Dear, are practical. You see a problem, see a solution, and then find a way to get from point a to point b even if that means thinking outside the box. You're a concept guy." Grinning a little evilly he said, "Be honest. Tell me you weren't the one that added the pizzazz to the projects that you and Matt worked on together."

Jax asked, "What projects?"

"Science fair and stuff like that. There was a history project I remember in particular. If you hadn't saved Matt's bacon that time … he was sweating bullets and you know it."

I nodded reluctantly. "History didn't really mean that much to Matt. Names and dates and that sort of thing he could memorized were OK but … I don't know OK. He just kind of always missed the point."

"And?" Reggie egged.

"And OK. If Matt had had his way all of our projects would have been as boring as watching white paint dry. He was just … just very literal."

"And not very creative on his own," Reggie added.

Jax was smiling. "Reggie, you might be onto something with this." But then he got thoughtful, "But what does he need to get creative about?"

I sighed thinking the answer was obvious. "Getting the town back up and running. Trying to bring back some kind of normalcy … electric first because that would bring back the utilities and that sort of thing. But it wouldn't stop there; he'd literally want to recreate … or … or …" I stopped slowly. "I think I know what he is trying to do."

"What?"

"Build that utopian society his dad was always on about. Abolish war and the need for guns … except for the special people that needed them. All green energy. Vegan diets. Jax knows what I'm talking about. You do too Reggie … you know how Matt could go on and on about that stuff."

Jax looked at Reggie and Reggie looked at Jax … then they both looked at me and I had a bad feeling my brain was about to get picked over.


	36. Unholy Roamin' Empire Part 13

**The Unholy Roamin' Empire: Part 13**

Getting Jax and the others to understand what I felt was Matt's ultimate – and unrealistic – goal I had to first explain to them what the idea of a utopian society really meant.

Many people throughout history have romanticized the idea of a utopian society. The word utopia is Greek in origin but wasn't really used for its current meaning until this English guy named Sir Thomas More borrowed it for the title of his book about a fictional island nation with the perfect socio-political-legal system. Notice the economics part of it was left out. My best guess is the issue of finance and currency are left out of most utopian concepts because they are the hardest to deal with in any realistic way without revealing that even in a utopian society you wind up with an elite class and a "non-citizen" or "slave" class. Utopian societies that do cover the issue of economics often use the concepts of wealth redistribution and political membership; socialism is a good example of a so-called economic utopia.

Everyone has their idea of what utopia would be. What most people don't realize is that such a society is artificial rather than natural and comes with less free will and individuality, not more. Plato, while not actually using the term utopia, called it The Republic. His utopia was the city-state where the individual and self-identity was always subservient to society and the body politic. But even for the great idealist Plato, there was always a ruling elite and a part of the population that were slaves.

Any time that utopias have been attempted they wound up being more of a cult that required a charismatic leader and policing authority to make sure everyone maintained the dictated status quo. Matt and his father were bedazzled by the idea of a utopian society because in their minds they would always be part of the ruling elite. Actually they saw themselves as one of the few worthy of such authority. In other words they were fine with strict rules of conduct so long as they were the ones making the rules and vetting their fellow elitists. I can say it now that it was their egotistical intellect, their ivory tower academics, that supported their prideful assumptions. Back then, even after Matt had humiliated me, I was still a bit in awe of his intelligence. Matt's fall from the lofty pedestal I had placed him on would come, but not yet.

The opposite of utopia is anarchy … absolutely no ruling authority. It is a "if it feels good do it" society with the only rules of conduct being those chosen by the individual for himself with no regard to how it affects others. Strangely enough an anarchic society is often just as idealized, romanticized, and ultimately unsustainable as a utopian society. Why? Because people are human.

The idea that we are all endowed with individual rights by our Creator must be balanced with the understanding that rights come with responsibilities imposed by the moral authority of that Creator and that one person's rights do not eclipse or supersede the rights of others.

A classic example to explain what I mean is that we are endowed with the freedom of speech but that freedom doesn't mean that we have the right to walk into a crowded theater and yell FIRE thereby creating a hazard. Some people use that idea as a way to place well-meaning limitations on rights. I prefer to look at it as we're exercising the moral responsibilities that come with our endowed rights and that if we fail to exercise responsibility we will suffer consequences. Being human we tend to want to codify our rights and consequences so that they get applied equally to all – or at least that is the intent – and so that the consequences are known prior to the exercise of irresponsibility. Finding that balance has historically always been a challenge.

People have for thousands of years struggled to find the balance between complete and unattainable utopia and complete and unsustainable anarchy. The Greek and Roman era idealized their ideas and wound up with something that looked like Plato's Republic. There are also religious utopias in history like the Community of Qumran. Sir More's book about a fictional utopia that I mentioned earlier had a rule of religious tolerance; but, if you broke the rule the consequence was slavery or exile and the only despised person within that utopian concept was the atheist as they didn't believe in ultimate reward for good behavior. Religious utopian concepts are as catch as catch can as any other concept of utopia.

During the Middle Ages people seemed to dump the whole idea of utopia as they were too busy just surviving, both the times and the elites who ruled over them. Some people think of monasteries and nunneries as the utopias of the Middle Ages but that wouldn't be factual as they knew that perfection could not be obtained on earth and were focused instead on service to reach Heaven. When the Renaissance came along anyone inclined to think about it went back to thinking of utopia as the idealized view held by Plato and other such ancient philosophers.

Post Renaissance to modern times people continue to try unsuccessfully time after time to create a utopian society. In America four of the best known were Brook Farm (brought down by the concept of Fourierism which dictated that young people out of a "sense of honor" had to do all of the dirty work), Fruitlands (political anarchy, free love, and veganism didn't go over well in the Victorian era), Pullman's Capitalist Utopia (which might have worked except it's founder had set up rigid class barriers which harkened back to the elitist/slave problem of the earliest utopian examples), and the Shakers (who died out due primarily to strict gender segregation and the "no sex allowed" clause of their membership).

Reggie leaned forward and said, "I can't believe anyone considered Matt smarter than you."

I felt my face grow hot with embarrassment and I had the desire to throw a sofa pillow at Reggie and knock that supercilious smirk right off his face. "Enough. Matt had the better grades and everyone knows it. I'm not talking to make myself into some kind of … some kind of …"

Ginger saved me. "Enough Reg. You want to throw her off her stride and leave us hanging wondering what the heck she's talking about?" Well, she sort of saved me.

It was actually Aston that said quietly, "Knock it off you two. School is out. All the teachers are dead. The rest of it is ancient history." Turning to me he asked, "OK, so the lecture was interesting, but what does it mean for us?"

Jax, who'd I been sitting next to on the sofa put his hand at the back of my neck. It was warm and comforting and helped me center myself so that I could continue. "Matt's dad, despite the way he dressed, was at heart a New Ager. He didn't know whether to be a hippy or a nerd and he had to stuff all of that in a business suit. The church they attended had this real charismatic pastor that couched all things religious in touchy feeling psychology. Matt's mom's main complaint about me – when she bothered noticing me at all – was that I wouldn't attend their church, that our church was way too old fashioned, uncompromising and therefore judgmental."

Jax snorted. "Yeah. You were either a member of the club or you weren't. If you weren't there must be something inherently wrong with you that only help from that preacher guy could help fix. I only went with them to keep the peace but I kept Kelly with me the whole time rather than leave her in the nursery; I was too worried about what she might be learning."

I patted his knee and looked over at Kelly who had crashed while playing with some of my old dolls. Looking back at the others I told them, "Matt's folks – at least his dad – weren't bad people. No one can make me say they were. They were … different though from my folks and … and it was kind of a never the 'twain should meet kind of situation. Matt's dad just could not understand my dad's antipathy towards the utility company and some involved in local politics. He considered my family … well … backward."

Ashley asked, "Backward? What about all of this? I mean we still have lights and running water and stuff. Different story in town. I'll take backward any day if it comes with a hot shower."

I smiled. "Like I've said, most people never knew Dad was a tinkerer … that he liked technology better than just fine; he just believed that responsible application of technology was more important than the technology itself. Matt's dad wasn't … wasn't …" I stopped at a loss for words.

Jax said, "Don't worry about making personal judgments Lydie, just try and explain the concepts."

That I was more comfortable with. "OK." Pulling my thoughts together I explained, "Matt's dad … and Matt for that matter … believed in something called technological utopianism. In a nutshell all that means is that they believed that technology and science would eventually bring about a worldwide utopia."

Reggie scrunched up his face and said, "From what I've see it's more likely to bring about nerds with delusions of grandeur and weapons of mass destruction."

There were a few snickers just because Reggie's zingers tended to bring it out of people. I shrugged fighting a smile myself. "You aren't far off the mark. As a hypothesis techno-utopias have absolutely no supporting proof for their conclusions." Thinking a little bit I asked, "Any of you of heard of transhumanism?"

Aston mumbled, "Sounds like one of those techno bands from the clubs in Nashville."

Reggie guffawed at his comment but the rest of us just rolled our eyes. "Transhumanism is a form of techno-utopianism. They believe in fundamentally transforming the human condition by developing and making available technologies that do things like eliminate aging and greatly enhance human intelligence, and physical and psychological capacities. Transhumanists study the potential benefits and dangers of emerging technologies that could overcome fundamental human limitations, as well as the ethical matters involved in using such technologies. They predict that human beings may eventually be able to transform themselves into beings so far beyond current man that they'd merit the evolutionary label posthuman."

Ginger said, "They sound like loonies."

I shrugged. "Depends on how you look at it. Before things went to heck in a hand basket how many folks were into plastic surgery and anti-aging lotions and potions? What about steroid use? You know, the how to make a better athlete crowd? And if not a better athlete, a better tool for an athlete? What about all the science studies being done with stem cells and such trying to give paraplegic's the ability to walk again?"

"But that's good stuff."

I grinned. "Sure. So long as you keep it in perspective and under control. Remember the Tanorexic Momma? Cat Woman that got addicted to plastic surgery and let it get out of hand? Lizard Man who intentionally transformed his features to look like … well, beauty is in the eye of the beholder I suppose but that guy was just plain freaky and I wonder how well he is surviving in the world we live in now."

Jax stopped our conversational straying and got us back on topic. "And what has all that got to do with what you think Matt's plans are?"

I shrugged sadly, "Utopia might be his stated, long term goal but he isn't above using people's immediate needs to keep him one of the elite and above having to do the dirty work. At one time I admired him for that … but … but after my family was killed I started … maturing I guess you would say. I looked at things differently. I realized work wasn't just something to be gotten through or avoided, but had a … a purpose. There is something inherently good and right in work; it … it fulfills something, some need, that people have even when they don't realize it. It's … satisfying. And you shouldn't have to have some overreaching overseer to make you do it. It should be a choice, not an arbitrary mandate based on someone else's choice of your station in life."

Looking at them, unsure whether they understood what I was trying to say. "Work comes in all shapes and flavors. I'm not knocking people or saying that one type of job is better than another type. But Matt's attitude … his dad's attitude … was like Plato's and all of the other utopians; you have the ruling class and then you have the slaves. Oh they never called people slaves, they were very PC about it, but they used terms like non-citizens, non-conformists, criminal class, intellectually insufficient or genetically damaged. It all amounts to the same thing. And they always saw themselves as being the ones to determine the thresholds of those terms."

Someone asked, "And the technology angle?"

"Technology was what would give them the advantage and they would dole it out to those that … that conformed to the society they wanted to create." Cynically I added, "With good intentions of course."

I thought for a second then caught myself chewing on my thumb's cuticle, a bad habit I fought hard to break but that still crept back up on me during times of stress. "Matt wants to get the power back on in town. He'll act like it is a gift to others but just as soon as people let their guard down and get used to things he'll start using it as a bribe or a weapon. I can see how he could pull it off and if I can, I'm sure he has plans in that direction too." Shaking my head I said, "I don't care what you guys say Matt is flaming brilliant. He probably already has it all worked out how to get the power back up and running. Where he will expect me to help is how to make it all palatable and … and … sellable."

Ashley asked, "Sellable?"

Reggie nodded. "Yeah. My dad was good at that. He could sell yellow snow to Eskimos. Matt is a narcissist but he's … well … he's just not a salesman for his ideas. Of course getting the power back on would sell itself."

Aston said, "Up to a point. I mean, who wants to do the crappy work in crappy weather like he is probably going to ask people to do."

Jax nodded. "Sure, I get it now. And not everyone can possibly get power back at the same time so some people are going to have to wait their turn."

I added, "Or pick up and move to where Matt tells them to move. And of course he'll pick where, and some people will get better places than others … based on how close to Matt they are."

While Ginger nodded Ashley said, "Which will create a bunch of suck ups."

"Exactly. And that is where the infighting would start. Matt is good with the math and science … the schematics of a project … but he is terrible at seeing that people won't ultimately bend to his will and do what he wants them to do. At least he won't admit it openly. I think that is where his … his manipulation comes in. See I'm the flow chart girl. If this then that. I know how to dress things up and make them prettier, make other people want whatever it is that Matt is offering to the point that they'll be willing to take turns or wait in line; stay calm longer. Because I'll be able to explain it and make them feel … feel part of it." Shaking my head I said, "Geez, I sound like a freak, worse than Matt does."

Reggie grinned evilly and I waited for a zinger but what I got surprised me. "Which is probably what he is going for. He wants your brain … and a fall guy for other people to blame."

My first instinct was to deny it but thinking about it I couldn't; it was as good a hypothesis as anything else we had come up with. "You know guys, all of this could be nothing but hot air. I could be completely wrong."

Aston nodded. "Sure. Maybe. We don't have to be married to it for it to give us a place to start."

And that pretty much summed it up right there. It was a place to start. What we needed from this point forward would be more information. And there was really only one way to get it.

Jax and Aston went the next day to talk to Mr. Houchins. Turns out that his son and nephew-in-law wanted in. Our guys came back and brought us up to date.

"Vernon Houchins, Mr. Houchins' son, is older than Lon Cummins which is Mr. Houchins' nephew in law but he knows the town better so he's going with us while Lon watches the farm's security. Tomorrow night we are going with Vernon and head to town and do what he calls recon. We'll figure out what their current lay out is – Vernons says they already have some idea but want better maps – and try and get a general head count. It is going to take me, Aston, and Reggie to see who is left over from the original group of kids that got left behind and whether they are in charge or the gang members … or someone totally new to the scene. I … I don't like it but it is either that or take Ashley or Ginger."

I asked, "Why not me?"

He just looked at me before answering, "First off, we would be able to pick people we know out better even if they are still playing dress up. Second …"

He looked hesitant to say it so I crossed my arms and said, "You think if someone sees me it will mess things up."

He nodded. "Yeah, pretty much. As it is Vernon may have to play least in sight and let the rest of us move around. We don't know what the age range is that is left in town. He's not old, old but no way could he play at being a teenager."

Aston added, "And we can't let Matt know that we're onto him … or whoever might be pulling his strings … because then we'd lose the element of surprise and they might change tactics. You can get inside Matt's head. We can't lose that advantage."

Not happy but resigned I told them, "OK. I get it. Just stop making me out to be a sick secret weapon. Get in, get out, and come home. Matt can go to Hades for all I care."

Later that night after Jax and I had spent some personal time together he said, "You aren't OK with this are you."

I shrugged. "Doesn't look like I have much choice in the matter."

Quietly he said, "We need to know what is going on. If we can't trust what is being put out on the radio then we need to see for ourselves."

"I get that part," I replied.

"Then what?"

Sitting up in bed I wrapped my arms around my knees. Jax made to sit up as well but I told him, "Don't. I'm just a little wound up. You're tired and need some rest."

"At least tell me what you're thinking."

Sighing I told him, "I don't like telling people to do what I can't or won't."

"You aren't."

I shook my head. "Might as well from my stand point." Sighing and then leaning my head back and looking at the ceiling though I couldn't see it I said, "For whatever reason Matt has singled me out. I don't like it. I don't like what it is costing me. I don't like what it is creating for other people to deal with. I don't like … like feeling like I have no control over what is going on. If Matt does have a … a thing … or whatever … for me, I want to face it head on and deal with it personally, alone so no one else gets hurt."

Tugging at me enough that I gave in and laid back down beside him he said, "I guess I can see that. A little. But you aren't alone. I'm here and I'm going to try and deal with Matt in a way that lessens the chance of anyone getting hurt. It's not that I don't think you can handle my cousin. It's that I don't want to see anyone take a fall here if it isn't necessary. I've got to know for myself if he has PTSD or some other problem that … that can … I don't know … be dealt with some other way than through violence. This isn't the movies or a game; if someone gets shot dead they aren't getting back up again … ever."

I turned to him in the dark. "Don't underestimate what Matt is capable of. I got off lucky I guess. All I got was a big ol' helping of humiliation. But if … if that gang is involved and you've already been shot …"

"I know Hon." He hugged me to him. "I'm not underestimating him. I just need to know the facts before I start making any assumptions. Matt has hacked me off enough that I could go in guns blazing but I'm trying to be the better man. If Matt has turned into a … into a … a rabid animal … I'll put him down. He's family and it's my responsibility. But if there's a chance that none of us have to go there … "

I sighed and laid my head on his chest. "OK. Fine. I get it. You … you have things you need to know about Matt before we go any further. Just be careful. And if you have to start shooting …"

"Yeah?"

I told him, "Just get it done and don't look back."


	37. Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To 1

**They Just Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To:** **Part 1**

Sitting by the pallet we'd made up in front of the fireplace in the family room I looked at Marty's papery gray skin and could only feel sorry for her. She'd cried herself to sleep for about the fifth time in less than two days. Of course she'd only been awake that many times in that period as well; it was just gut wrenching.

"Hey … why don't you go spend some time with Jax. I'll sit with her for a while." I was grateful to have learned over the last few months that Ginger was a lot more empathetic than I'd ever given her credit for being.

"You sure? She … uh …"

"I heard. And Mrs. Houchins explained a few things before she left. So yeah, I'm sure. Reggie said he'd be in here in a minute after he hit the john and grabbed a bowl of soup. Aston is on duty up in the cupola. I think he just needed some space and time to come to terms with things. Ashley said he's taking it pretty hard."

Sighing I said, "Ok, thanks. I … I won't be long. I just need … need …"

My composure was slipping but she understood. "Go talk to Jax and maybe take a quick shower. It'll wash the fuzzy brain down the drain."

I gave a half-hearted snort and said, "Cute." Still, I nodded and quietly left the room and headed down the hall. I hadn't gone far when Jax came out of the kitchen with a steaming mug in his hand and a resolute look on his face.

"You're going to eat this soup and you're going to …"

He stopped talking when my bottom lip started quivering and I suddenly took off outside at a half gallop. A few minutes later he found me on all fours heaving into the snow that surrounded the winter incarnation of my great great grandmother's wild rose bushes. When I was finished he helped me to stumble towards the tractor barn and Dad's office. He poured me into a chair and then got a cloth and some water so I could rinse my mouth out and wash my face.

"Where's … where's Kelly?" I asked.

"Down for her nap in the kitchen with Ashley." He brushed the hair away from my neck and put a damp cloth across it to help me combat my nausea. "You can't keep doing this to yourself. It isn't your fault."

Reluctantly I said, "No. It isn't. But I didn't exactly help either."

Gruffly he replied, "What were you going to do? She'd already two-timed you by taking up with Matt; already gotten so emotionally locked in to believing what she wanted to believe, that she couldn't see it any more than you could when you guys were all in school together. Not to mention that it's pretty much a given that it started even before the terrorist attack on the town."

Trying to be realistic I said, "Ok. Yeah. But … but she was my best friend Jax. Why didn't I see what was going on back then? And then I waited to go into town for how long? And now … maybe I should have tried harder, something, to find out what happened to her when we found out she … she wasn't …"

"We all thought Matt had her tucked up someplace safe. How were you … any of us … supposed to know what really happened?"

What really happened. So many of the stories of what really happened in those days have been buried hard and deep. No one wants to know those stories. Many of the people that lived the worst of it have gone on to their rewards and if they are still living I've yet to meet one that wanted their story told so that the names they now use are attached to it. Most of all no one wants to wonder if we've really come all that far from the brutality of those war years.

Matt didn't put Marty in hiding except from the remaining kids from the original group that got left behind. None of them apparently knew what happened to her, not then. What Matt did was unforgivable in human standards. He used her as a sort of down payment to get in with one of the upper echelons of the gang leadership. See what Matt did was play King Maker; and it was Suicide that he chose to make king.

Matt knew that in the normal scheme of things he hadn't had the time to really break Marty completely so that she would do what he told her to do without question so he set about speeding the process up. At first he told Marty that he was keeping her safe but the only supplies she had access to were those he provided for her. He kept her hungry and thirsty and literally in the dark, locked in the basement of a house not too far from his parents'. She was scared with no way to run and completely dependent on Matt. When she'd exhausted the first batch of supplies he was a little late in bringing the next batch and she pounced on them and never even thought to wonder why they were out of their original packaging. Those supplies were laced with narcotics … just a taste.

When Marty questioned how she started to feel after eating Matt had a ready excuse and apology handy. I'm sure he gave an award winning performance. He was so sorry, that she must have caught the bug that was going around through the refugees from him. Oh how sweetly he apologized. The next excuse he used was some of the food must have been bad, explaining the off taste that she'd noticed. The next time she said it was that she was understandably stressed out and her sugar levels were fluctuating crazily … for that one he even rigged one of those diabetic finger prickers to make it look like she had low blood sugar. Enter energy drinks that better covered the bitter flavor of the drugs he was doping her with. That excuse worked a couple of times. But then Matt started withdrawing from her and it became that she was imagining things … and then she was trying to play him for a fool after all the things he'd done for her, all the personal risks that he'd taken on her behalf; she was ungrateful and didn't love him enough.

Next time he came he doped her with what was probably either some type of ecstasy knock off drug or maybe even GHB because she claimed not to remember the first assault at all though there was no mistaking what had happened to her after she woke up. By that time he also had her addicted to whatever drugs he'd been putting in her food. He kept her in a constant state of craving and near withdrawal which made her easy prey for Suicide when the man decided to finally reveal himself instead of putting GHB in her drinks to make her compliant. It wasn't sex he truly craved but power. He used her roughly and often in the beginning but as she lost her looks and became ill he came less often but became more violent. And she let him. All she cared about was escaping her reality with the drugs he would give her afterwards.

She hit rock bottom when she accidentally overheard that all of the remaining girls from the school were being used in much the same way, or at least the ones that hadn't run off; and some of them had. Those that wouldn't join the gang and didn't run off in time were killed.

It was beyond sickening. None of us could conceive how our friends could have devolved in such a way even when it was a matter of survival. In less than a year they had gone from being normal teenagers to becoming demented monsters or destroyed shells … and Marty was destroyed all right.

I was shocked that Jax had brought Marty to the Home Place; shocked that he had brought any of them home. I mean in hindsight I understand it but then … then all I could feel was shock and disgust at what had taken place.

In addition to Marty there were five others. There was Johnson Keefer and his twin sister Janice. Janice had been used hard a couple of times before Johnson could escape and rescue her and as a result she was skittish and withdrawn. They were one of the first to break free after the gang came to town and took over and had been making plans to leave when they were joined by Aiden Landon and his cousin Julian Hitchcock better known as Jules. Amazingly enough Janice and Aiden had become an item shortly thereafter, recreating a relationship they'd had our freshman year of high school. It was even more amazing that Johnson allowed it.

Johnson, Janice, Aiden, and Jules had been scavenging for supplies to tide them over until they could come up with a realistic plan on where to go and how to get there. They ran into Alexis Tindale and Genesis "Gennie" Lopez during one of their scavenging raids on Matt's old supply caches. Alexis was from Chattanooga and Gennie was originally from Atlanta but had been sent to Chattanooga to be with her grandparents right before some kind of terrorist attack at the CDC when the city got shut down hard by the military. Both had been slaves of the gangs that ate or absorbed each other up until they'd ridden into our town and decided to settle down.

Gennie was fourteen going on forty, but not in a really bad way. She was an inner city kid with a rough home life. She'd obviously suffered badly at the hands of the gang members but we all realized she likely had a better chance of not just surviving but overcoming what had happened to her than many of our hometown girls did. Alexis was eighteen and was as tough as new boots but at the same time she was very protective of Gennie and then of the rest of the crew as they threw in together, the boys included. It appeared that she and Johnson would soon make a pair of it once they felt they didn't have to be so on guard 24/7.

As you can guess Alexis and I eyed each other a bit like two dogs after the same bone for about half a day. She also managed to put Reggie's hackles up, probably for the same reason. The three of us were almost too much alike. Reggie and I had found our groove though by learning where to draw the line or take a break from the other's company. Accidentally all three of us wound up alone in the kitchen mid-day after they came in. We were all still reeling from the surprise … them for being able to escape town so unexpectedly, us for the almost doubling of the people at home.

It was Reggie that finally said, "You know we can do this one of two ways … the hard or the easy. I don't know how you ladies feel but I'm about done with hard for at least a day or two."

I rolled my eyes and looked at Alexis for her reaction. She obviously wasn't sure what to make of Reggie's patented weirdness. I told her, "Despite the fact that he occasionally acts like he is operating with very few normal brain cells, he's right this time."

A little warily she asked, "Yeah? And?"

"And … we got problems that could hurt us worse than worrying about who is going to be top b … er … top dog." Alexis snorted and then fell silent in embarrassment as her stomach growled. I asked her, "You want a slice of bread with jam on it? The soup I made for lunch didn't go as far as I thought it would."

She looked at me and then asked, "You really got food and stuff here? Decent water?"

I nodded, "All the trappings of civilization."

She backed away suspiciously. "Marty was telling the truth. You're like that freak Matt."

Crossing my arms I shook my head. "No … at least not the way I think you mean. I just … look … I …"

Reggie said, "She talks like an encyclopedia sometimes but she's not bad when you get to know her."

"Reg!" I snapped irritably.

He only laughed at my discomfort. "You know it's the truth." Turning to Alexis he got much more serious. "She and Matt were an item for a long time before; but no way was she like him. Matt and Marty were …"

"Her best friends. Yeah, I've heard the story," Alexis said, cynicism coating her words.

"Great," I muttered. "My humiliation just keeps spreading far and wide."

Alexis gave me a searching look and then sat down at the table. "Nah. If you survived the Geek Freak more power to you. He can rot in hell for all I care." Her words echoed mine in an eerie way. "I'm just wondering where this leaves Gennie and me. I can see you taking in the others, you went to school with them. Doesn't seem like you expected anyone else."

Reggie just leaned back in his chair as if to say, "This is your problem Toots, not mine."

I leaned back against the kitchen counter and said, "We all need to sit down and see where this is going to go. I can't make you stay if you don't want to but the weather is starting to turn bad. And we can't just let you wander around, you might get hurt or tell folks about us and with the way things are we don't need that kind of trouble. Johnson, Jules and Aston were all on the football team together and Aston is vouching for them. Jax says that the way … er … uh …"

"You mean the scars tell you we were beat on a lot," she snapped defensively.

"No, actually I meant that Jax said that the way you and Gennie didn't hesitate to fight on our side to escape when it might have been easier to turn them over to the gang means that he's willing to trust you, or at least give you a chance anyway. That Gennie saved Vernon's life by taking out a guard that was about to snipe his position and that you volunteered to stay behind with Marty until Jax took her and carried her to the vehicles also says you are probably OK."

Protectively Alexis said, "It isn't Marty's fault. I know how Suicide can be … he had me for about a week before he got distracted by some older chick that was looking to move up the food chain. If it is anyone's fault it is that freak's." When she saw me wince she asked, "What? You still have feelings for that sick jerk?!"

With absolute conviction I told her, "No. Not at all. But he is Jax's cousin and … and we have history even if I don't like admitting it … and it is still hard to believe what he has become."

Jax stepped into the kitchen and with death in his voice said, "Rabid. He's obviously rabid."

I knew what he was referring to. "Jax."

He shook his head. "No. I said if I found out … that I'd accept responsibility for doing what had to be done. I tried … but …"

"There was never a clear shot Jax, you know it. You came close but he hid behind too many people. There was no way unless you'd gotten a lot closer and Vernon wanted us gone asap," Reggie explained.

"He can't be allowed to continue doing what he is doing."

Trying to understand I said, "I thought all of you said that Suicide was the man in charge."

Everyone nodded but Jax said, "But Matt is the man behind the throne." He finally let me get close enough that I could put my arms around him. "Lydie I know you all were freaking a little that we were gone two more nights than we said but we got cut off and had to be sure what we were up against."

"You explained it already and I'm done having a heart attack. Besides Ginger figured out what was going on by listening to their radio transmissions. I guess they don't realize even their street level hand radios can be heard outside of town because of the repeaters we set up."

Gennie stumbled in and looked like a completely different person after good head-to-toe scrub and letting Ginger and Ashley trim her hair and do something with her broken nails and torn cuticles. "You can bet Suicide doesn't know about this place," she said with a bit of awe in her voice. "Or he'd pop you out of here like a clam from its shell. Do you know how long it's been since I been someplace where the faucets still work?"

Feeling growly about the crowded feeling I was getting I said, "I'm not worried about Suicide, he'll get what is coming to him one way or the other. I just don't want Matt to know about this place."

"I thought you and him were like tight, boyfriend and girlfriend."

I sighed. "I did too. But we didn't really … uh … date per se. And he certainly never came to my house. He thought my parents were just a couple of hicks."

Looking at me with a decided lack of understanding she asked, "How could you go with a guy that disrespected your poppa and momma like that?"

I shrugged defensively. "Because he didn't do it directly and because I was an idiot. Can we change the subject?"

There was a moment of awkward silence and then like Alexis had come to some conclusion she said, "Yeah. Sure. That bread and jam still an offer?"

I nodded and turned and sliced the last loaf I had baked. I sighed and Jax wanted to know about what. "Wheat is going to get scarce before I can get the next crop in the field, much less get it threshed and ready for use. I can replace it with cornmeal but even that will get low before I can harvest more. It will also mean that our plans to try and locate more animals might be out unless they are good at surviving on fodder and grazing only. I hadn't expected to …"

Johnson, still huge and imposing even after suffering depredation and weight loss, suddenly filled the doorway that led to the hall. "You didn't expect to have to feed so many."

Johnson was almost nineteen having failed both kindergarten and first grade before landing in a foster home that cared enough to realize it was a hearing deficit that caused his learning challenges and not his intelligence level. A new-fangled cochlear type implant combined with intensive therapy corrected his deficits and his self-esteem issues were corrected when his foster father – soon to be his adoptive father – got him involved in sports.

His fraternal twin Janice was his polar opposite in many ways; small and petite, her hair a long curtain that she used to hide behind where Johnson barely let any stubble crow on his head, a quiet voice she rarely used, and a manner that was so gentle she couldn't even startle the goats. Johnson was extremely protective of her – as was Aiden – and I could see him calculating the risks of staying even if he didn't actually say it aloud.

"No one needs to fritz out," I said with some warranted confidence to keep the new comers from panicking. "I'll keep us fed, I just have to recalculate in a few areas and rearrange how we get it done. The problem isn't in the here and now, it's the future if the upcoming seasons' crops don't produce enough. But we were already going to have that issue, there will just be less cushion now. I'll also need to hold back more for seed, enlarge the garden, and include foraging for wild food as necessities rather than luxuries."

I mentally drifted away as my need to get the issues and sudden ideas I was being mentally bombarded with down on paper. I started to walk out of the room but stopped and said, "Oh crud. I've got to clean up and …"

Jax shook his head and said, "Just grab your spreadsheets and go sit with Marty. I'll take your spot in tonight's meal prep and put this stuff away where it belongs. The state you're in you'll likely put the jam in the bread box, the crumbs in the frig, and the plates in the laundry."

I opened my mouth to deny the truth of his outrageous comment but then shrugged and gave him a kiss of gratitude instead. I wasn't often that kind of dozey but when I was it was when I was on serious idea overload and Jax knew the symptoms. He'd found one of his boots in the potato bin and his freshly folded socks in the vegetable crisper on one such occasion.

I could feel the cold wood of my father's desk beneath my forehead as I tried to breathe through another bought of nausea. I was using those memories to dig myself out of the dark place I had slipped as I began to understand exactly the position Marty had been in and recognized how close I could have been in exchanging places with her. My parents were fond of saying, "There but for the grace of God go I." I'd never understood what they meant more than on that day.

Rewetting the cloth and using it to wipe my neck once again Jax asked, "Better?"

"There is no better … just acceptance."

He kissed the top of my head gently. "It WILL get better Lydie; it's just going to take time."

"It won't ever get better for Marty. She's slipping no matter what any of us can do. Even Mrs. Houchins admitted it after she came and examined her with that granddaughter that was a trauma nurse. If we're lucky she'll last out the week. If she's lucky God will release her from this hell of a life she's been living sooner than that."

"Lydie," he whispered into my hair, trying to comfort me the best he could. But there was no comfort, only the truth and I'd learned the hard way after my family was killed that the last thing the truth often was in this life was comfortable.

I turned and looked at him. "Jax, don't bother denying that you and the guys are discussing what is to be done. I know you are including Vernon and Lon … don't leave me out. I have to be part of … part of whatever it is … part of the justice."

Jax didn't even bother trying to hide anything which took him up a notch in my esteem of him if that was possible. "Lydie we aren't looking for justice. Or revenge. There is nothing that is going to make what has happened to Marty, or anyone else for that matter, any better. There is no payment big enough. What we are trying for is containment so that those in town are no longer a danger. If that means using deadly force then we'll use deadly force. It likely will come to that."

"To me that sounds like justice."

"No. There's not going to be a trial. No arrests. No more investigating. No interrogations or torture. Nothing. We aren't the cops and we have no official authority. This isn't about paybacks. We're just a bunch of guys that don't want to see this happen anymore … don't want it to touch our families any more than it already has."

"OK … but that doesn't mean that there isn't justice in there too."

"Lydie …"

I shook my head. "You call it what you want to Jax. Call yourselves doctors who are excising a cancer for all I care; it amounts to the same thing. And it needs doing or eventually we're all gonna wind up dead … in fact or in spirit. This kind of sickness eventually infects everything it comes in contact with."

Jax warned, "Don't romanticize and idealize this Lydie. No heroic ballads are going to be written about what we're going to do. In fact it is very possible that we'll be considered criminals. If we are then all bets are off for the future no matter what our intentions are."

I nodded in acceptance. "But the risk has to be taken. The military doesn't have the time, they're too busy fighting foreign terrorists and battles in other countries. The police? When is the last time you've seen a cop or deputy? The militia? I'm not even sure that they haven't been coopted by some of the gangs that have come through … the strong joining the strongest. If we don't do something I don't know who will. I haven't exactly seen anyone else volunteering for the job, have you?"

He sighed and then sat down and proceeded to tell me some of the details of the plan that they'd worked out up to that point. I have to confess I was a little surprised at how far they'd already gone in sketching things out but then again, the addition of some of the minds and experience from the Houchins farm made all the difference. My problem was that I struggled to find a place where I could insert myself and help.


	38. Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To 2

**They Just Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To: Part 2**

Marty didn't last out the week. Three days after Jax brought her to me she slipped into a comma; her body unable to support the damage that had been done to it, the mental stress of her ordeal, and the symptoms of withdrawal. I dug a grave for her in the family cemetery not too far from the memorial for my parents and brother. I still make sure and put fresh flowers on her stone for her birthday every year, more for me than her; I'm sure she is some place far better and probably doesn't care one way or the other.

The only person that gave me a hassle about how I'd done everything was Lil' Miss Queen of the 'Tudes. "It ain't no good. You didn't even have a wake or funeral for her. No one even said no words over her ground. Her ghost is going to come back and punish us all." Not even Alexis knew how to respond to Gennie's blatant superstition so I gave it a try after she had pushed me once too many times.

Getting off the ground from where I'd been setting a temporary cross that Jax had carved for Marty I brushed the dirt off of my numb with cold hands and finally snapped. "Her last few weeks of life were nothing but a wake. Funerals are for the living, not the dead. They are supposed to bring closure. They don't. Only time does that. I didn't say any words over her grave because I said everything there was while she was still alive and could hear me. That piece of decaying meat in the ground is not my friend; she's gone to a better life. And she knew I loved her and will not be coming back to haunt anyone because she's too busy being happy where she is. Now knock it off and I better not hear another word on it. Marty made mistakes but God knows she's paid for them and I won't let anyone turn her into some kind of monster, living or dead. You try it and I'll bust your butt so hard that it will be next Juvember before you can sit down in comfort." She opened her mouth on an outraged retort but I stopped her. "You want to act mature, I'll treat you that way. You want to act like an unfeeling brat with a tongue that is hung and the middle and running at both ends I'll treat you that way too."

This time when Gennie tried to open her mouth it was Alexis that intervened. She didn't yell but she wasn't exactly gentle either. "Enough Gen. We each have to handle this crap in our own way. You burn candles and pray to saints. Who's to say which one of you have the direct line to heaven? Just let this one go. Besides, Lydie is right about one thing; Marty wasn't the type to mess with people by turning into a ghost. Wasn't her style."

After Gennie left … surprisingly running off to Johnson of all people … I turned to Alexis and reluctantly said, "Thank you."

"Don't," she responded.

"Don't thank you?" I asked still woozy enough from emotional overload that not everything around me was making sense.

She nodded. "I didn't do it for you; I did it for Marty who apparently liked you for some bizarre reason."

Sighing at the bitter sweetness of the memories I explained, "Marty, Matt, and I have known each …" I stopped and then shook my head sadly. Quietly I continued. "Marty, Matt, and I knew each other from kindergarten. I've known most of the town kids since elementary school barring the few that came and went up until high school. Some I knew well … some not so much." I shrugged. "You know how it is; cliques and clubs."

It was obvious she didn't want to like me but thankfully she wasn't nasty about it. "Why did you throw her to the wolves?"

That did pull me up short. "Huh?"

"You're rich as that old fool Midas and you left her to get eaten alive by that freak. Why didn't you come to town sooner? Why didn't you ever invite her to live here with you?"

I told myself that I didn't owe her an explanation but back then I was a little more sensitive to people's opinion of me than I was willing to admit. She'd also caught me at a low point when I'd been wondering the same thing. I was about to open my mouth when we all heard Gennie scream and Johnson roar.

I grabbed my rifle and adrenaline had me running and jumping the low hedge of shamrock inkberry holly that I had planted near the fish pond, one of the last landscape projects that Mom and I had done together. As I got nearer I saw that Johnson was in trouble. He must have tried to defend Gennie from a dog pack that had slunk up on her. I never even stopped. There was too much going on for me to fire and shoot; the danger of hitting Johnson was too great. I heard Jax and some of the others coming at their own run but I never even slowed down. I used the stock of my rifle like a bat and came in swinging.

I felt a dog try and get me only for it to discover my habit was to wear knee high work boots because of snakes and spiders. The bite hurt but more because it was like a vise clamp rather than a knife stab.

Jax was there beside me in seconds. He grabbed Johnson whose hand was bloody and having a hard time not going down under the onslaught of the dogs. I kept swinging trying to keep the dogs off. Aston and Aiden waded in and soon we had the dogs dispersed enough that the others could shoot them as they tried to run off.

"Get him to the house!" I said. "Lay him out on the floor in front of the fire place."

"Easy Hon," Jax said. "He's more shook up than chewed up. They didn't get passed his coat for the most part."

I opened my mouth then cringed. How on earth I had forgotten Jax's EMT training I don't know. "Sorry," I mumbled.

He gave me a searching look and then said, "I'm not." I relaxed in relief that I hadn't hurt his pride. He added, "Do me a favor and check the dogs."

I knew what he meant … check for rabies or mange or some other disgusting thing that could be transmitted to humans. I could find no evidence that they weren't anything but a dog pack but I was more than a bit upset. This was the first one that had come onto the Home Place though Mr. Houchins has mentioned that they'd had a few sniffing around their farm. I was even more upset when I found every dog had a collar on that looked exactly alike.

I turned to hear that Gennie wasn't making sense and I wondered why. I asked Alexis, "Is she bit? Or afraid of dogs?"

Alexis was a little pale herself. Her answer didn't make me feel any better either. "She's afraid of those dogs."

Gennie was shaking like a leaf and mumbling something I realized was in Spanish. "Did she just call these mutts devil dogs?"

Alexis smoothed out her face trying to appear calm and cool. "Yeah. See those collars? Those are some of the dogs that the gang used to use to guard their crap and mess with prisoners."

I immediately went on high alert. I scanned the tree line but Alexis stepped up beside me and said. "Look at the dogs. See how skinny and unkept they look? There ain't no gang members out there. They usually treat their dogs good. These either escaped or were turned loose. They ain't on a leash neither and back in town the dogs were always kept on a leash because they was so vicious."

Reggie came over to tell us, "Johnson won't settle until he knows that Gennie is being looked after."

Gennie took off at a run towards the house. I tried to keep the look off my face but Alexis saw it. "Nah. Ain't that kind of thing. Johnson just treats her like he treats Janice. Gennie eats that crap up. She had an older brother that got drafted but he was killed in his first battle. Gennie has kind of forced Johnson to take his place … and he kinda let her. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah," I said. "Thanks for explaining. I hate guessing about that kind of stuff."

She looked at me funny but then turned and followed Gennie back to the house. Reggie sighed and I looked at him and then gave a grim chuckle. "Go on back to the house. I'll clean up the carcasses."

"Uh uh. It wasn't that. I just hate the smell is all. Dang, the last time we burned this many bodies it took forever to get rid of the smell. If there are more dogs they'll be attracted to it."

Thinking I said, "I've got lime. We can take them out to the gravel pit and just … but I hate to waste the stuff when I don't know where we'll get more. I wanted to save it so we could have it for an outhouse. I'm not sure how well the septic system is going to handle this many people."

Reggie shrugged and said, "Let's just burn them. I'll talk to Jax about the outhouse thing later." We loaded the carcasses into the four-wheeler's pull behind wagon – the one that Dad and I had always used to bring game home with when we were hunting on our own acreage – and in no time we had a very smelly bonfire going on the remains of the gang members that had attacked us weeks back.

"Lydie?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh … hmmm …"

I looked at Reggie and wondered what was up. He wasn't normally hesitant about anything.

"Lydie … what … er … look, you think me and Ginger are a good thing or a bad thing?"

I blanked my face as fast as I could. "I don't know if it is exactly my business," I told him.

"I'm making it your business. So what do you think?"

"I think that it is more important what you … and Ginger … think than what I think."

"So what if we both think it is a good thing but that I'm worried that maybe I'm too close to the situation to see it for what it is."

I turned and looked at him and sighed. "Reggie, Ginger is crazy for you. She hasn't been put off by you running in circles trying to figure out if she's been serious or playing you. She isn't put off by the fact that you are about as trying on the nerves as anyone can get and that you do it on purpose. She doesn't get bent out of shape when you need some space because you are in a mood. She doesn't care what your home life was like except how it affects you. She's also strong enough not to take that crap you can dish out when you go a little overboard … but she doesn't hold it against you. What more are you looking for?"

He shrugged and then changed the subject. "She says she isn't ready to wind up like Ashley."

"No kidding, neither am I. Too much crazy going on in the world right now and I feel like I'm in the middle of it."

"But you and Jax … I mean … you do it."

Trying to decide whether I wanted to hide or hit him in the head with a handy tree limb I simply said, "Yeah? And that is your business how?"

He rolled his eyes and scuffed his boot in the muddy snow that could still be found in the shade of the forest. "Don't get bent, you know what I mean."

Looking away I said, "I guess I do, that still doesn't mean it is any of your business."

"Well pretend like it is for a minute and give me some help here will you. I … I think I love Ginger but I'm not Jax or Aston … I don't want kids right now. I don't know if I want kids ever, at least not while the world is really, really flaking out. What if Ginger and I do it, she catches preggers, and then I like get drafted or something and go KIA. What kind of old man would I be to do that to my kid?"

I shook my head. "You wouldn't do it on purpose Reggie."

"That's not the point. Aren't dads supposed to think of things like that before they happen? Did Jax pick you because you'd be a good mother figure for Kelly or because you know, he wanted you?"

A little uncomfortably I told him, "You need to ask Jax that."

"I tried. He threatened to bust me in the mouth if I went and said something about it to you so for God's sake don't tell him I asked. I like my teeth right where they're at thank you."

I nearly laughed because I could see Jax saying just that thing to Reggie. I shook my head. "Reg, I'd like to say that Jax and I have it all figured out and that we're all righteous and holy and that we'll never goof up with Kelly or with each other but I'd be lying if I did. Jax and I … we worked things out between us. We know how we feel about each other. We're going to try and do the rightest thing for each other and Kelly that we can. And for us, that right thing isn't having kids yet. I don't even know if we can … not all the women in my family had their own biological units."

"No?"

"Uh uh. Two of my grandmother's sisters never had babies; they raised their husband's kids from an earlier marriage. Another one of her sisters didn't get married until she was in her fifties. Some of the women on that side of the family had female problems and only had kids after medical intervention. So it isn't a given."

"I didn't know that."

I shrugged. "The guys on that did and the ones on Dad's side were pretty prolific though so I'm not sure. Either way Jax said he … well … you know … not until after Ashley pops we're just being careful."

"Careful how?"

I cannot express how uncomfortable and embarrassed I was trying to explain that sort of stuff to Reggie but when I'd finished he just sat on a stump and said, "Huh … little more complicated than I imagined it. Protection and calendars and …"

"Reggie!"

"Well … how the heck is a guy supposed to know if you people that do know won't share the data?!"

I couldn't help it. He looked so outraged I had to chuckle. "I swear Reggie. Just go talk it over with Ginger. If she doesn't kill you then you've got a keeper."

Looking serious and thoughtful he said, "I think maybe I already do but … but I don't know if I'm ready to … you know … settle down yet. How do I know I'm not going to screw up like my old man and brother did?"

I shrugged. "All I know is that you aren't them, you're you. You'll make mistakes but they don't have to be those kinds of mistakes if you make different choices. Just go talk to Ginger and let me alone already. Maybe she isn't ready to settle down either."

He sighed. "But it's hard to be around her and not want what you and Jax and Aston and Ash have. And now comes along Aiden and Janice … and Johnson could have that Alexis chick if he bothered to make an effort."

"Leaving poor Jules with Ginnie?"

"No way. Johnson would kill Jules if he messed with that piece of jail bate. Besides Jules is still mourning his girlfriend Susie that threw him over for one of Suicide's buddies."

Surprised I asked, "Where did you hear that?"

"Aiden told me. I was … uh … ribbing him a little bit over Gennie. It kinda came out."

I shook my head. "Sounds like your teeth nearly came out."

He gave me a truthful half smile and admitted, "Nearly."

The bonfire was finally dying down when a whistle came from up the road. I whistled the signal back and Jax walked in without startling us. Reggie saw him first and walked over and handed him the dog collars before saying something I couldn't hear and then walking up to the house.

Jax came my way and said, "I'm NOT checking up on you … or at least not because you are out here with Reggie."

I relaxed and said, "Good to know. But in case you are wondering Reggie is just still weirding out about Ginger a little."

"Having second thoughts?"

I shook my head. "Can't get passed his first thoughts … or should I say worries. I think Ashley getting as big and as miserable as she is kinda has him spooked."

Jax made a face and said, "He asked you about us didn't he."

I walked over and tucked myself under his arm because it was turning chilly. "Yeah. It's like having a little brother and having to explain the facts of life to him, only Reggie is older than I am the big dork. Reggie means well but he has absolutely no tact."

"He bother you?"

"Nah, not really. I suppose if I was in his shoes I'd probably be trying to find someone to ask about it too. It just makes me feel …"

"Old and tired?"

I looked in his face and realized being two years ahead of us and with a lot of life experience he'd probably felt like that more than a few times. "You must feel like you are living in a house full of puppies that all want to pull your tail."

I got an honest grin from him and he said, "Sometimes." He stood there watching the fire turn to embers. After a little while he asked, "You OK?"

"Yeah. What I said to Gennie was the truth. I … I don't want to talk about it … not yet … but don't feel like I'm dying or anything."

"Good."

"How's Johnson?"

"Better. Seeing the dogs go after Gennie scared him worse than the dogs going after him did."

I nodded. "Sounds like Johnson. He would have probably come totally unglued if the dogs had gone after Janice."

He snorted. "He's already laying down the law to both of them. They aren't to get x number of yards from the house without an escort, blah, blah, blah."

"I'm happy for them," I said sarcastically. "So long as it doesn't stop them from helping out around the place he can chain them both for all I care."

"Getting on your nerves already?"

"Yes and no. Janice isn't so bad. She's been through a lot but honestly she was like this even before. Sounds awful I know but … but she's a real shrinking violet. Johnson does too much for her and when he isn't she has her nose in a book instead of taking some initiative to help. You know she intentionally failed the same grades Johnson did so that she wouldn't have to go to a class without him?"

"Aiden told me. He makes it sound like something heroic."

I shrugged. "Each to his own I guess."

"Yeah … which leaves us with Gennie."

I groaned. "No, let's not."

"She's really getting under your skin."

"Yeah … or at least sort of. I just don't know why she has to be all in my face so much. I'm not sure what I ever did to her."

"Probably nothing," he said. "She's an inner city kid that has had really horrible things happen to her and if that wasn't bad enough she's like a fish out of water. Put her back in the city and she probably wouldn't be so bad."

"If you say so."

Another few minutes and we kicked wet snow around the edges of the fire and left the embers to die. Jax asked, "You ready for tomorrow?"

"Yeah. You ok with it being me going with Reggie instead of you?"

He nodded as we walked back to the house. "One of us needs to stay here and since all of the new guys are staying Aston and I are going to watch how they act when there are fewer than us."

Suddenly uncomfortable I said, "Maybe I should stay."

"Uh uh. I need you to look over the lay out and our plan, see if you can add anything to it. I don't like you getting that close to town but Lon will be with you so I'm not as worried as I could be."

Sometimes it is nice to have a fella look after you and sometimes it isn't. This time it was a mix of both but I didn't complain. I was going out tomorrow and that was that. I was going to help lay out caches so that they could have them in case they needed them. It wasn't going to be pleasant work to be digging in cold mud. The other thing I was going to do is Reggie and I were going to throw in with Lon and come up with some presents for anyone that tries to follow our group out of town after the raid was complete. We hoped to make it as interesting for them as the time we gave to the gang members that had tried to attack the Home Place.


	39. Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To 3

**They Just Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To**

Part 3

"That's a nasty bruise Lydie. If I had seen this last night …"

Like I said, sometimes it's nice to have a fella looking after you. I got lots of early morning attention for the bruise one of the devil dogs left on my calf. "I'm fine. I put some Preparation H on it last night and …"

Jax wound up having to bury his head under the pillow so he wouldn't wake Kelly. "I swear, I know it works but every time I hear you say it …"

Smiling I told him, "Yeah, yeah. I know how it sounds myself you big goof but my parents swore by it as a home remedy for bruising and you know yourself that it keeps the blood from spreading and spreading under the skin. Not to mention it has some analgesic power to it."

The pun set him off again and let me know that it was time to roll my wicked body out of bed because there was no more talking to him; he was practically inhaling the feathers right out of the pillow case. I dressed in a hurry and then headed downstairs only to find Ashley and Aston ahead of me.

"Sorry Lydie … but I was starving. Hope you don't mind that I started things early."

I told Ashley, "Do I look like I'm complaining?" Then with a smile I set about getting the rest of breakfast finished while Ashley sat the table and Aston and Jax went outside to start morning chores.

The intercom from the cupola chirped and then Ginger asked, "Please tell me someone started something hot to drink. I'm freezing my butt off up here."

Everyone else in the house finally came down, including Reggie who had stopped off in our bedroom and grabbed Kelly who'd obviously woken up in a good mood. While I broke up a day old biscuit and covered it with country gravy and crumbled sausage to keep Kelly's volume below a dull roar, Reggie turned around to head back upstairs with Ginger's drink and plate of breakfast.

Gennie groaned and said, "Why does he have to walk so loud?"

I asked her, "You hung over or something?"

"No," she muffled, not even rising to the bait. "I've got a headache."

I looked at her and then at Alexis who was also looking at her surprised. I walked over and put my wrist on her forehead but it didn't feel hot. She whispered, "Not THAT kind of headache."

"Not that kind of …? Oh," I said realizing what she was referring to but was unwilling to say with all the guys wandering around. "Hang on and I'll make you some cinnamon and honey tea."

Great big tears appeared in her eyes and suddenly she started bawling. "How did you know?! Mi abuelita used to make that for my mama."

She laid her head on the table and just cried. I stood there with my mouth hanging open but Alexis managed to get Gennie up out of the chair and then upstairs. "Oh Glory," I whispered. "I am really, really glad I'm not going to be around today. Are we sure she's really fourteen?"

It was Janice of all people that said, "To be honest I think she is lying about that. You've never seen her in the locker room but she's not built like she's been in puberty that long."

There were days when Janice sounded every one of her nineteen years and then some and this was one of those times. Remembering what both of them had endured I shuddered and ground out, "Those bastards. I hope their boy parts get chewed off by their own devil dogs."

Her normally vacuous expression turned to one of cynicism and with a nasty twist to her lips she told me, "You aren't the first person to make that wish." I was glad I had had a pleasant start to the day because that just washed about all of my feelings of kindness towards humanity right out of my system.

After breakfast I filled Jax in on my suspicions, gave him the recipe for the cinnamon tea and then told him to make sure that one of the girls made it.

He gave a tug on my pigtail as I tried to tuck it under a camouflage painted piece of muslin that I used as my hunting bandana. "Ha ha. I can boil tea."

I nodded and said around the bobby pins in my mouth, "Uh huh. Sure you can. I still remember that fire you almost started when you let the water boil out of the tea pot."

In pretend outrage he said, "Hey, that was a long time ago …"

"A couple of weeks."

"Oh hush woman," he said with a grin and a kiss.

Our tomfoolery at an end he went over my guns and day pack one last time like a good Father Goose and Reggie and I hopped in the pick up we'd chosen to drive that day and we headed out.

"I was beginning to wonder if he was going to let you go," Reggie said with a teasing grin.

I shrugged. "I don't mind him double checking things. It makes him feel better and it says he cares. Before he and I … well … it sounds really gross just to say we hooked up because it is more than that but you know what I mean. Before he and I hooked up it had been a while since anyone had cared enough to do that for me."

Then I could have bitten my tongue because Reggie's home life hadn't exactly been rife with demonstrations of caring and affection. He saw the look on my face and nodded. "My mom used to do stuff like that but … I don't know … it didn't come naturally to her; she had to think about it too hard and would go way overboard to try and make up for the fact she just wasn't feeling it. She never should have had kids until she got herself straight and she sure didn't have any business marrying a guy like my ol' man. One of the reasons I don't want to … Look, just … can you feel things out with Ginger for me? I'm almost positive I'll say something to hurt her feelings and I don't want to do that."

I shook my head at how we had gotten off on that subject again. "You're nuts. If you were going to hurt Ginger's feelings it would have happened a long time ago. She knows what you're like."

"Maybe. But just tell her for me that … that I don't mean to hurt her feelings if I do. I'm not making excuses but I … this is too important. OK?"

I rolled my eyes but said Ok. I didn't like the idea of being turned into Cyrano de Bergerac but what the heck. Reggie was a friend and Ginger was a friend. I just didn't want to get blamed if the two of them wound up mucking it up somehow. But saying I would put Reggie at ease and we both needed to focus on the day ahead of us.

And the day ahead of us turned out to be more bitterly cold that we had expected. We stopped by the Houchins farm and Lon and his sixteen year old son Cal were waiting. "Cool. Dirt bikes! Why don't we have dirt bikes?" Reggie opined.

"Because the one time I rode a crotch rocket like that I took a header over the handle bars and decided I preferred the safety of a truck cab around my body. Not to mention there was only so much money to go around and toys weren't part of my day-to-day; not much farm work can be done from the seat of one of those things."

Reggie punched me lightly on the arm. "Don't get so defensive. I didn't mean you did something wrong. I meant why didn't any of us think about having a few dirt bikes on hand. I've seen bikes and four wheelers all over the place."

"Several of the four wheelers were brought back."

"Yeah, but having some bikes on hand would be a good thing too."

I shook my head wondering where he thought all the fuel was going to come from to run everything considering I would need a lot of it to run the tractors during planting through harvesting seasons but didn't say anything. When Reggie waxed enthusiastic it was best just to let him work through the problems on his own. He'd either come to the same conclusions or come up with a possible remedy for our fuel shortage. Either way it wasn't what we needed to be thinking about right then.

Mr. Houchins, bundled up against the cold, asked, "You kids got everything you need? You know what channel to call on? Got your guns on safety?"

Not even giving a hint that the big retired Navy Seal was the least bit upset at being called a kid Lon answered, "We've got everything Sir. Vern has our reporting schedule and plans to stay by the radio."

"Good enough. Just stay out of trouble or I'll catch it from Mother. She's not too happy about this plan of yours as it is."

I pulled out as he rode a mule back towards their farm house. Reggie climbed in the rear seat of the extended cab with Cal while I drove and Lon rode shot gun. I was wondering what to say to end the silence that was growing uncomfortable when from the back Cal said, "Don't mind Peepaw, Meemaw's really been giving him heck about it all."

"You mean Mr. and Mrs. Houchins? Mr. Houchins I can see it from but Mrs. Houchins is a sweety."

Cal's mouth fell open in the back and Lon was fighting back a smile. He said, "That 'sweety' rules the family with a will of iron. And she'd much rather us stay safe out here in the country than go to town and risk getting hurt."

"But she was all for us blowing up the roads. I thought that would have given her palpitations if anything would since we were playing with explosives and such."

Lon shook his head. "That just meant that town was further away. It made her feel her family was safer. She doesn't want to see that sooner or later, if something isn't done, that gang of refugees in town will get so powerful that nothing will stop them."

After a moment he asked, "Jax explain why we are gonna have to come into town from the other side from where you were used to going in at?"

I nodded but drove as Reggie said, "Yeah. River Road is getting taken over by Matt and some of the more important gang leaders. Matt is building water wheels – well, he is having other people build what looks like water wheels – and has some other construction projects underway as well. Probably plans on using the river as a means of transportation for trading and stuff too."

"I'm not too sure about that last part," I said for the dozenth time though no one really wanted to hear it. "The locks in the dams on the river require a lot of electricity. Not all of them have their own turbine system set up, only the big one that was built to control the flooding along River Road and the surrounding countryside back in the 1930s. It has had several retrofits done since then but it still wasn't enough to keep it online when the power went down. Unless Matt can get that up and running he is SOL."

Lon nodded, "I've heard you raised that point before."

I snorted. "You meant someone was listening? Didn't seem like it."

"Vern agrees," he said surprising me. "But he also seems to think that Matt might have an in to getting those turbines up and running."

Curiously I asked, "What kind of in would that be? If the turbine is fried, it's fried. That is a lot of wire to replace and who knows what else it took with it."

Cal said in his own surprise, "Jax said you were smart and could give that Matt a run for his money."

I shrugged off the comment and just asked again, "What's the in?"

"The gang looks to be turning the town into a major drug hub. Some they are making on site but it looks – and sounds like from some recent radio transmissions – like that they are importing a lot via the old drug trafficking routes. You need to understand that this was already occurring prior to the war breaking out. The cities were getting too hot for them so they started moving out into the suburbs and rural areas where there just isn't the same infrastructure to combat those kinds of activities."

"Yeah I can see it if it was pot or crack," I told them. "Dad and Jax told me they'd run into problems every once in a while with pot farms or cookers on the forestry lands. Dad and I even cleaned out someone's small patch they'd been growing that spilled onto the back corner of our place. Anything else though is going to have to … are you telling me it is coming across the border or by plane internationally? I just can't see people having the money for that kind of foolishness these days. I can't even tell you if money is still any good."

Lon said, "Oh it's still good, it just isn't worth very much. It is still the primary method to transfer goods and services from one owner to the next. And I'm talking fiat currency not precious metals. Gold and silver were confiscated and right now the black market just isn't giving people very much for them as far as units of exchange. The government has price controls in some areas but that's only made things worse for what they don't have price controls on, hence the black markets. The Midwest is like one huge government camp where the military is protecting the big grain farms out there and enforcing very strict regulations. Quite a few camps out that way that are made up of people that were on the dole. Thought the government was coming to save them when they were literally just picked up with one suitcase per person and sent to work at the farm camps. If you want to eat, you work. You don't want to work then that's fine but you get kicked out of the camp and you get blacklisted from government assistance from now until forever … or at least that's the way we've heard it."

"Sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Wait 'til those folks realize they can revolt."

Lon nodded. "Some have already tried it. That's why they take the kids and keep the men and women segregated. No new babies to worry about and the kids get put into education camps until they reach puberty and then from there they get segregated into their own kind of boot camps."

"Holy shades of Hitler's Youth Batman," I whispered in outrage.

Lon chuckled but it wasn't a nice sound. "I'd be lying if I said all the camps were the same. It's not that bad in most of them, at least for the kids. The military camps are just physically and mentally hard for the most part since it is the first real discipline a lot of them seem to have had in their lives. The military wants trained potential soldiers that can run the high tech gear that is common these days, not idiots that do nothing but sit around and use up scarce resources. It's not just a war of attrition but one of who has the better toys and better soldiers to operate those toys. However, some of the government camps … especially those in the Northeast and along the West Coast … are said to be pretty radical. We aren't talking about the Khmer Rouge … at least not yet … but if the moral boundaries get forgotten and the goals become both the means and the end, I wouldn't put it beyond the possibility of happening."

The next ten minutes were fairly silent as everyone began to check their equipment and go over the plan in their head. Finally we reached the destination where we planned to start laying the first cache. Lon reminded us, "This isn't about engaging the enemy. We are out here to lay the caches and observe. For our plan to succeed the element of surprise is absolutely essential. If they feel threatened they might change their patterns or reinforce their security system and that will add an additional layer of danger we don't need, might not be able to overcome."

We all nodded and then set out to do what we came to do. It was determined that while I was strong – for a female – it was still a silly waste of time to expect me to be able to move as much dirt to hide the caches as the men could. That left me on guard most of the time or mapping out or setting boobies.

When we stopped to take a brief break I brought up a point I'd been thinking about all morning. "It isn't going to do any good to lay traps on the side of town that isn't used very often. I can see putting the caches here as a resupply point or a backdoor escape hatch … and I can see booby trapping the caches to keep them from falling into the wrong hands on the slim chance they get found. However, laying a lot of boobies over here is a waste of resources. If we want to make best use of those types of material we need to be able to put them in the path they are likely to use themselves … maybe a funnel point that they can't go around very easily. And another thing …"

Reggie muttered, "Here it comes."

I kicked out at him from where we were sitting and grabbing a bite to eat. "And another thing, if you are going to have boobies you might as well make them blow up something useful. There's the water tower, the canal bridges in town, knock over power poles so that when they come down they fall on other stuff and make a mess."

Lon just shook his head. "Jax has already warned me that you'd want to try that. After we get these last two caches hidden we'll head over to an observation point so you can take a look and get some ideas but we aren't going into town today."

Rolling my eyes I said, "I didn't say it had to be done today. Besides I didn't bring enough supplies to blow up River Road bridge or …"

All three of them made some kind of noise that reminded me of gobbling turkeys. "Oh for pity sake, don't tell me y'all hadn't thought of it. I can't have been the only one to see movies like "A Bridge Too Far," "The Bridge at Remagen," "The Bridges at Toko-Ri," and …"

Lon interrupted saying, "None of them were exactly happy movies as I recall."

Getting frustrated I told him, "No kidding. War is hell and yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. I'm not trying to say it isn't. I just mean that bridges are important. If we can take out the bridges, we'll be able to slow them down. We might even make it impossible for them to use the town as a transportation hub for the drugs or whatever you say they are moving."

He gave my words some thought while he chewed some jerky. Reggie picked up the conversation. "You're right and we all know it Lydie. And yeah, we've already talked about it. But we're trying to balance the risks here. We've got a much smaller force than the gang does, especially if they get reinforcements from outsiders, other gangs. And we are trying to not get noticed."

"Not noticed by whom?" I asked finally having untangled the testosterone wall of protection they'd obviously been throwing up around certain bits of their plan.

Reggie blanched and tried hard not to look at Lon. Cal looked on wide eyed like he had no idea what I was talking about and I realized that maybe he didn't so I said, "OK, don't tell me. Let me guess. I said the other day that we didn't know how far we could really trust some of the local militias. Like humans everywhere they come in all shapes, sizes, and ideals, or lack of for that matter. On the radio we've also heard certain ethnic and racial groups are coalescing into certain geographical locations trying to set up their own … I guess you'd call it their own governments within the government kind of thing. It's said that parts of the state of Michigan don't even recognize the Constitution anymore but operate solely on Sharia Law. Atlanta is burning just like it did during the Civil War once the rioting got beyond the ability of the military to contain. And the Texas border is said to look like the freaking 38th Parallel. At this point, with as freaked out as the world is, it just might be possible that if we throw too much action against the gang one of two things could happen."

I looked at them and saw I had their attention. "First, the gang could run to the national guard, the military, or some other authority and cry that some big ol' baddie is beating up on them for no reason when they are just a bunch of poor defenseless refugees. Or two, we could wind up with the gangs forming an alliance when they might not have otherwise done so and coming after us in force. Either one has the potential to rain fire and brimstone down on our heads."

I sighed and closed with, "While I admire the sentiment, what you are trying to do is cut the head off of the snake without the tail finding out about it and it just ain't gonna happen. If we are going to get hung, it might as well be for a pound as for a penny. Taking out Suicide is going to leave a vacuum. Something is going to fill that vacuum, and with our luck it is going to be something worse. If we punch a big enough hole, a vacuum won't be able to form."

Cal looked at his dad and asked, "Is what she saying true?"

"Not here. We'll talk about it at home. Right now we have work to do." The look he gave me let me know that he was finished talking about it. He wasn't being nasty or anything, it simply was not up for debate at that point in time.

I didn't push it. I knew I was being included only out of necessity. Reggie and I were the naughtiest when it came to creating boobies. We also had the least emotional attachment to the morality question regarding what those boobies cost in human suffering and death. It isn't that we were totally without feeling because we weren't the least sociopathic, we simply had come to terms with what we viewed as the necessity of doing what we did best. It was basically the same way I justified running the 'shine; I only ran it for people for personal use and those that were responsible adults. I wouldn't run it for those where there was a risk they'd turn around and sell it to minors or drunks and I only ran the good stuff, not the crap that would turn you blind. Yes, it was a rationalization, but it was one I could live with and felt I could answer for on Judgment Day. I knew in my heart it was situational ethics but I hadn't figured a way around that yet.

Within the hour we were at a point that overlooked the town but left us at a safe enough distance that we wouldn't be observed. We were in luck, if you want to call it that. We got to witness an exchange of goods right below us just on the other side of River Road.

Cal said, "Dang. I wish we could hear what they are saying."

Reggie said seriously, "No need to hear them."

I sensed Lon looking at him because of his tone of voice. Reggie then asked me, "You recognize him?"

I whispered in anger, "Yes."

Not even Reggie was used to me putting that much venom into one word. Lon, not being a local, wouldn't understand so I explained. "Look at that group. You see the guy in the University of Tennessee colors?"

"Orange? I thought that was a hunter's jacket," he said.

"It is probably but it is still the UT colors of orange and white. Anyway his name is Delorey Baumgarten; most people call him Del and he is a very, very, very bad man."

"And you would know this how?"

I shrugged. "His Dad worked out at the Paper Mill with Dad until he had a heart attack that caused a major equipment accident in the plant. The insurance company was not a happy camper and the mill owners … er … encouraged Mr. B to retire and he moved out to Pheonix or someplace like that. Dad used to tell me how Mr. B – who was a very, very, very nice man by the way – used to be sad and ashamed at how his son had turned out. Del is your typical bad seed story. Juvie never did a thing to him but make him meaner. The day Del turned twenty-one he walked into the state pen for killing some guy for running over his dog … the dog he refused to keep chained up. The dog had chewed on this guy's little girl and the city took the dog away. Del stole it back but it got out again and went after someone else. The authorities had no proof supposedly so the other guy took the law into his own hands. You can guess what happened from there. All the State Pen did was make Del a better and smarter criminal and give him contacts … or so said my Dad."

Lon said, "But you make it sound personal. This Del and your father ever run into each other?"

After a moment I mumbled, "No."

Reggie asked, "It have to do with your late night highway runs?"

Once cautious, always cautious so I said politely, "More than likely."

Lon said, "Spit it out. If there is a danger I need to know what it is in case it needs to be included in the plan."

I gave him a very brief explanation of the fact that I might have run 'shine a time or two (or more) and as soon as he rehung his jaw from where it had been swinging in the breeze – and knocked his son in the back of his head who had been staring at me like I was some rare breed of jungle cat – he said, "In what way does that Del guy have to do with … what you just told me."

"Let's just say we came in conflict a time or two. When I beat out his drivers on a regular basis he tried to … let's say he tried to hire me. Dad never knew or he would have taken Del out over his … er … terms; even if it meant turning states evidence and getting into all kinds of trouble. Very, very few people knew what I did. And Dad never knew about some of the things that happened or he would have stopped it even if it meant having to mortgage our home to pay for my brother's treatment. But every once in a while I would run into trouble and Del was the worst. Not even Jax knows but that is only because I thought Del was gone or dead. To be honest I thought he was in jail for beating up some woman in Chattanooga. I'll have to tell Jax about it tonight. He knows who Delorey is and more than likely he'll put a flaming bell around my neck once he finds out the rest of it. Del is just not someone you mess with."

Ignoring my aside about Jax's likely reaction Lon asked, "What makes the guy so dangerous … besides obviously packing enough fire power for a small Mexican cartel."

Reggie snorted and as I continued to look for potential boobie locations he explained. "The guy is just bad. Even my ol' man never had anything to do with him. The Caulderman Brothers avoided him too. Anything that Del Baumgarten gets involved with he tends to go in and take over."

Looking through my binoculars I said, "Which is what he might be positioning himself for here. Anyone know if that idiot without a coat on is Suicide?"

"Yeah, that's him," Lon chuckled despite the situation.

"Does he think his tats are going to keep him warm or something?"

Another chuckle. "Apparently. You should have seen it when the weather was warmer. He's has enough tattoos that he looks like he is wearing a full body stocking. He even has them on his face and inside his ears."

I turned and looked at him. "And you're complaining about me getting close to town? How close did you have to be to see inside his ear?"

"The cup of his ear Lydie," Reggie explained. "And he wears these ginormous gauges in his ear lobes. The rest of him is pierced too … nipple rings, bars, chains attached to I don't even want to think about it places."

Blanching I said, "No wonder Del is acting like he can't stand the guy."

"Huh?" Cal asked at my non sequiter.

"Del is a major homophobe. He thinks a few tattoos here and there are manly but once you get into any other body art or take something over the top and you get on his never-to-be-respected list of potential queers. It's real easy to get on the list, almost impossible to get off."

Reggie pondered, "I always wondered how he stayed alive in prison with that kind of attitude."

I kicked out at him, "Little inappropriate conversational topic."

"Huh?"

I looked at Lon and apologized. "Sorry. Ol' Reg seems to be unable to understand the concept of tact."

Lon blanked his face and went back to looking over the scene but Cal said, "Jax told us it would be like having Abbot and Costello for company when you two get going."

Reggie and I had developed an unusual friendship. I could pick on and criticize him. He could do the same to me. But neither one of us would put up with anyone else doing it to the other. Kind of like siblings. I looked at Reggie through my lashes and decided to get a little wicked. "So what about it Reg? We've got a clean slate below us. We'll have to be able to set the boobies in the dark and not trip them as we evac. I've spotted two dozen potential trip line locations. Twice as many pressure or vibration-trigger placings. The bridge will be a cinch but that's all boring and ordinary stuff. Where do you think the sulfuric acid traps would go best?"

"Wait," he said getting into the spirit of things. "I wanna play with those Bangalores again."

"You just like to blow stuff up. We need victim-activated devices not something we have to activate ourselves, though having a few in reserve is a good idea in case we get cut off."

"Fine, have it your way. What we need to do is boobie the buildings that look out this way to keep gang members from being able to use them as cover or vantage points to shoot from. Forgetting about how we'll get close enough for a second I say that all of the steps and thresholds need to be boobied with pressure switches. Even the footpaths around the buildings should have some surprise packages in place."

Cal's face was priceless but Reggie and I had already forgotten about him and gotten serious about the job we were sent to do. "I wish there was time to dig pits but I can't see how if the move is going to be made soon. It took longer than I expected to dig the holes that we did for the caches. The ground is already frozen solid in places and there is too much clay and gravel around here to make it easy at any time of year. I think they lined this hill when we were little because of erosion."

"Yeah, they laid a metal net before putting the erosion control in place too until the grasses could take over and hold the soil," he reminded me.

"Pooh. That's right." Thinking I said, "What about some widow makers hung in the trees around here with some trip lines attached to them. Trip causes the rope or wire to swing free. Widow maker comes down. Poof … imbedded spikes or thin glass bottle with acid or something along those lines. Wouldn't be a killing device – unless the guy was just unlucky – but those types of things cause damage and might encourage panic or something."

"I like it. They'll be looking at the ground and suddenly stuff will come at them from above. Keep them off balance."

We continued on in that vein with me eventually pulling out a hand drawn map of the immediate area and we started penciling in what could be done as well as adding some tactical information and some additional details to specific landmarks such as the number of pilings on the bridge, the number and placement of windows on specific buildings, and the composition of the ground in various locations. Lon looked at Cal and said, "I wouldn't go bragging about this where your mother will find out about it if you ever want to go on another run."

Cal shook his head, "I ain't stupid. And if Meemaw finds out about any of this we'll all be on stone soup and water until she can change our minds."

Not wanting to see any of my sex belittled for being protective which is our nature I said, "She has a job to do just like we do. She just goes about it different."

Cal asked, "So you're ok with all of this? Even though you're a girl?"

"Being a girl doesn't have a whole lot to do with it, at least not for me. And I wouldn't say that I'm OK with it. I look at it as we have a choice. We can either sit back and let the poison fester and build to the point that it will kill us or we can amputate the infected flesh."

"But didn't some of those kids down there used to be your friends?"

I shrugged as nonchalantly as I could manage despite how the question made me feel. "Some of them. But we all have choices to make. If they've sided with the gang then they are responsible for the consequences they face because of their choice. If they are victims … I'll do what I can to make sure their life doesn't get worse but right now I can't tell one from the other and until I'm sure then I don't have much choice but to treat them all like they are infected and find some way to quarantine them."

After that Cal gave me space that I hadn't asked for. I guess I was kind of strange as far as females go but I'd been forced to deal with the aftermath of what terrorists, both foreign and domestic, could do to simply leave the battles up to someone else. And if we were going to win I wanted the victory to be decisive, not one that we would have to continue to fight over and over until way more people got hurt than would have been necessary had we done it the right way the first time around.

It wasn't long after that that we packed up and started back to the Home Place. I was about to get in the truck when I stopped and realized that while the cold had made everything quiet, it had become an unnatural quiet. Lon and Reggie noticed it at the same time and Cal picked up on it as soon as he observed his father's reaction.


	40. Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To 4

**They Just Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To**

Part 4

Lon went to hand signals and we all eased down and stepped back into the trees and shrubs surrounding where we had hidden the truck. It didn't take long before the reason for the environmental disturbance to become obvious. The air was blue for a moment before a male voice muttered angrily, "I don't see why we have to come up here and take a picture. It's too cold for this ****."

Another male voice answered, "That's why you ain't the boss Wayne. Mr. Baumgarten is and if he says we come up here and take a picture for him, then that's what we're gonna do. He knows what he needs it for and we don't need to concern ourselves about it. Soldiers don't question orders, you just do it."

Snidely the man called Wayne said, "Perry you are such a brown noser."

There was a little bit of shoving and then the one called Perry said, "Don't say that man. I like being a soldier. It's a man's job. Mr. Baumgarten hears you say that and maybe I don't get to be a soldier no more and have to go back to just being a mule. I like the job I have now; pay's better and so are the fringe bennies. Mr. Baumgarten treats his soldiers good and rewards loyalty."

"Perry, Perry, Perry the great big suck up."

WHAM! The sound of fist hitting flesh couldn't have been plainer than if I'd seen it happen. "You listen here Wayne. I go down I'm gonna take you with me. You got more to lose than I do and you know what I mean."

The threat was real but incomprehensible since there was no accompanying back story. Whatever it was the threat was enough because Wayne muttered, "Geez man, take a pill or something. No need to be so damn sensitive." Trying to reassert control he asked Perry, "You lock the car?"

"Ain't nobody up here otherwise Mr. Baumgarten wouldn't have sent us with no back up. Let's just take the picture and get going. It's cold."

His companion snorted in high dudgeon and asked, "Isn't that what I said in the first place?! Told you we should have accepted those jackets from Suicide."

"Naw man. Mr. Baumgarten want us to have jackets he'll give us jackets. He start seeing you takin' gifts from people then maybe he wonders if you're loyal or not, wondering if you can be bought."

Wayne started muttering something to affect that what someone didn't know wouldn't hurt them and they skidded and slid down the half-mile goat track that went out to the primary overlook.

Reggie and I signaled to Lon that we were going to check their back trail while he and his son kept an eye on the two stooges. It didn't take but a moment to reach the car as it was in the turnoff near the overlook's pull out but up into the trees a little ways like they had been hoping to be able to simply drive to the ledge without having to do any walking. Idiots. They're lucky they didn't get stuck. The ground was littered with several inches of wet leaves and there was nothing but clay mud under that.

The leaves were like a giant wet sponge under our boots but thankfully didn't leave anything to track as we moved through. We didn't mess with the inside of the new Dodge Charger the two men had driven up in but did reach in and pop the trunk to see what they wanted locked up. Three duffle bags – all with UT insignia – lay side by side. We unzipped them and when Reggie saw what was in there he nearly had a spazz attack in glee. We reached in and emptied the duffle bags – orange would be too easy to notice amongst the trees – and hauled the stuff away to the bushes then closed the trunk.

Reggie breathed under his breath. "Lydie, I've got a toy I was saving for one of the caches."

He pulled it out of his pack and showed me. I couldn't help but grin and say, "You naughty, naughty boy. You know we need plenty of time so it can't be traced back to us."

"It goes up to a hundred and twenty minutes."

I nodded, "Set it for that but we have to put it somewhere they won't accidentally find it."

We didn't have time for much so Reggie crawled under and attached it to the rear axle. When he was done I said, "Let's get out of here before Lon starts worrying and has to come look for us. What doesn't fit in our day packs we'll just have to carry in our arms."

We were juggling the mess we'd … er … confiscated – having to jump off the path as Perry and Wayne passed us by.

"All this for a stupid picture," complained the one named Wayne.

Perry immediately replied, "I told you that Mr. Baumgarten …"

"Oh for cripes sake. Drop it already. I get so sick and tired of hearing about his majesty and how he's going to take over the whole state and then …"

Perry stopped and shoved Wayne in the chest. "Shut up before someone hears you. You know that's super-secret. The only reason we know is because we accidentally overheard Mr. B and some of the big guys talking the other night. Anybody find out where we were and why and it ain't gonna matter that overhearing was an accident. You know what the Boss will do to us."

"Oh for cripes sake," Wayne said again, but he also didn't say another word about what they'd overheard.

Reggie and I just shook our heads as the two men nonchalantly climbed into the car and pulled out. They hadn't bothered to look around the car to see if anyone had been there and they didn't even make an attempt to be careful as they pulled back onto the road.

"Idiots," Reggie muttered in disgust. "If that's what Delorey's soldiers are like we aren't going to have much trouble."

With more caution I shook my head. "We don't know if that is the caliber of the men they have, only that these two particular soldiers lack something to be desired. They are obviously low on the totem pole and don't have much authority if they could be – well whatever but probably killed if I had to use my imagination – if they got caught accidentally overhearing something because they were somewhere they weren't supposed to be."

Reggie shrugged and admitted, "Maybe."

We started back and when Lon saw us coming he asked, "What took you …?" Then he got a good look at what was in our hands and nearly barked, "Where the Sam Hill did you get that?!"

All I told him was, "They should have locked the car."

"Locked the … are you kidding me?!"

Reggie and I looked at each other and then shrugged. Reggie said, "It's sad really. Drug dealers don't get no respect no more. Can't go anywhere without locking their cars and such. People just take their crap and don't even say thank you."

Giving a false outraged look I said, "We did too say thank you … it's just gonna arrive about two hours late is all."

When Lon finally got the explanation about that out of us he turned a little green and practically threw us in the truck and told us to haul butt. We loaded up and headed out, doing our best to not leave a trail. Lon stayed tense until we were well away but still remained quiet until we pulled up to the Houchins Farm. I stopped the truck and got out and said, "Gotta do this again sometime. It was fun. We'll split things halvesies and …"

Then with Vernon, Mr. Houchins and the rest of us watching in confusion he doubled over in laughter. "I swear, if you two were my kids my head would be as smooth as a cue ball."  
Tears were streaming down his face before more than a moment had passed. That necessitated some explanations.

Afterwards Mr. Houchins shook his head and tried to look stern and grandfatherly, unfortunately his mustache and beard couldn't quite hide the grin that was escaping. "I swear. Semtex. Of all things. And detonators to go with it. And then you two loose screws had the nerve to stick a timed detonator to their car? Lydie, you better run on home cause when Jax finds out what the two of you been up to he's gonna have some words for you I reckon."

We split the haul 50/50 just like I said and then did as we were told. Besides we were both starving. Aggrieved at their lack of appreciation Reggie said, "I don't know what they're complaining about. It was a good haul. And that explosion should cover our trail. They'll wonder if it was a mistake someone made, if Suicide sabotaged them, or if someone else did. Or if what I hear my ol' man say about Delorey is true, the man'll let it about that the two men were being set up and they'd failed the test somehow. People will then be that much more scared of disappointing him. How can we lose with that kind of set up?"

I shrugged. "Anything is possible and nothing comes for free. We covered our trail but who knows? Delorey isn't stupid and we have no idea who he has working for him. It was just too good an opportunity to pass up. Besides Lon and Mr. Houchins and Vernon weren't complaining, at least not much and probably more because we didn't get their ok before we did it. They just felt they had to … to …"

"To what?" Reggie asked still irritated.

"I don't know. Some people just feel it is their responsibility to be sober and serious about stuff. They mean well but between you and me it's just wasted energy where we're concern."

"Why?" he asked with a grin once he understood I could care less about the admonitions that we'd gotten.

I gave him a unconcerned grin right back. "'Cause we're already ruint. If words could have fixed what makes me different then Dad would have done it years ago. Personally I think Dad liked me just fine, especially considering he taught me most of what I know."

Still smiling Reggie dared to venture, "What about your mom?"

"Welllll … Let's just say that Dad and I had an agreement. What Mom didn't know about wouldn't upset her."

We both chuckled a moment then got a little more serious as we discussed where the Semtex might have come from and how it might be put to good use in the coming battle. We arrived home in a good mood right before the sun started to go down. Jax was there as soon as we pulled in. "Everything go OK?" he asked.

"Yep. What about 'round here?"

"Uh …"

"Uh what?" I asked cautiously noting his tone.

From behind me Alexis said dryly, "You missed the drama. Your friend Ashley thought she was in labor."

"What?!"

I started to turn and run for the house but Jax stopped me. "It was only Braxton-Hicks contractions."

"You mean false labor? But is that supposed to be happening so soon?" I asked, still worried that something wasn't as it should be.

"Actually you can have Braxton-Hicks contractions by the end of your first trimester. I had to take a quiz on it for my EMT training because of emergency calls for pre-term labor. Now that she knows what they are Ashley says she won't freak out so much but it was touch and go there for a bit. She was so upset once I suspected Braxton Hicks I worried that she'd put herself into real labor if we couldn't get her to calm down. Just to be on the safe side I've suggested she stay in bed for the next two days and get some extra rest. Getting off her feet might not be a bad thing either way, her ankles have been swelling up quite a bit. I'm going to start checking her blood pressure a couple of times a day at different points to see if it is as elevated as it was today or if today was a one-off because she was so upset."

Almost afraid to ask I said, "How's Aston?"

"Let's just say I now know why one of my former instructors said that one of the reasons why we had to remain calm was not for the expectant mom's sake but so we wouldn't clock the expectant father."

I winced and Alexis snorted a surprised laugh. I looked over to see Reggie and Ginger doing their normal meet and greet and she asked, "What is up with those two? Are they a thing or not?"

Since I decided she was curious and not being mean I explained. "It's like the mating dance of some really exotic birds, isn't it? They like each other but Reggie … you know how it is, his father was a jerk about women and so was his big brother, so Reggie takes it the other direction and even though he really likes Ginger he's too worried about making a mistake or hurting her somehow so he's driving himself – and her – crazy trying to decide whether to accept what she is offering or run for the hills like a martyr. Just try and leave them be; they'll have to figure it out on their own if they really want to make it work." She gave me a look and I asked, "TMI?"

She shook her head and said, "Nah. More surprised you explained it."

"Why?"

She shook her head again, unable or unwilling to explain, and simply said, "You're weird, you know that?"

I shrugged and smiled and batted my eyes at Jax and said, "I've been told that it is part of my charm."

Right then Reggie's timing put the kibosh on my own sweet greeting when he asked, "You tell him about the Semtex yet?"

After a few high decibel rounds of discussion Jax finally calmed down enough to admit that he would have liked to have been there to see it. "I just hope no innocent is around when the car explodes."

Reggie and I winced realizing we hadn't really taken it into consideration. It kinda sucked all the hilarity right out of what we'd done and turned it back into the serious act that it was. More than likely someone was going to die, maybe more than one someone, and we had no real control over who it would be.

Just as bad was that my suspicion was right in that Jax decided that if Delorey was around I wasn't going to be. From that point forward all of the midnight runs to do the booby trapping was done with me holding the fort at home and Reggie supervising the placement of the devices and traps. Did I want to join in and be a part of it in a physical sense and not just as a cheerleader? Yes. I'd be lying if I said otherwise. Was it very hard for me to keep my mouth shut about what I'd prefer to be doing? Again, yes. And for the most part I kept my attitude wrangled and under control although there were a few times that someone being unkind might have called it a pout. I wasn't pouting, not really, but I wasn't used to being left out either and that is how I was feeling.

"Hon …"

I held up my hand, palm outward. "Don't. I don't need platitudes and I want them even less." I then continued brushing my hair out before re-braiding it before going to bed.

"You are really angry about this aren't you?"

Trying to behave like I thought an adult ought to I told him, "Put yourself in my place and answer your own question."

He sighed. "I have. And I'm surprised you haven't made more noise about it. I'm now wondering why?"

Splitting my hair into three sections I started weaving. "Because while it is what I want to do – make no mistake about that – I also realize it isn't going to get me anywhere. And on top of that I have to be able to do what is best for the team."

"We're doing this for your sake Lydie."

Getting irritated that he just had to discuss this right before we went to bed I nearly snapped, "Well don't. You say you put yourself in my shoes but I'm beginning to wonder if you really have. Do you know how stupid it makes me feel to not be included? Oh, Lydie can't because she was a total dip and fell for the wrong guy at the wrong time and now that she's fallen for the right guy at the right time but maybe it's not the right time after all because the wrong guy is still trying to use her for some nefarious scheme …"

"Nefarious scheme?" he chuckled.

I nearly threw the box of talcum powder that sat on my mother's dressing table at him. "Yes. What else should I call it? He doesn't want my address to send me flowers and candy for Valentine's Day."

"Uh …"

"Oh just forget it. I swear, sometimes guys are so clueless. Have you ever once thought that it isn't that I resent being put in this gilded cage but what it says about what you think of me?"

"Lydie, don't get …"

"What? Emotional? I wasn't the one that brought this up. I wasn't the one that wanted to know why I hadn't reacted worse than I had. Here's a clue … because I'm holding onto my temper by a thread!"

I got up and had decided to throw the talcum powder after all until I saw Kelly's wide eyed observation and her confusion over my angry shout. I turned to Jax and snapped, "Fix this."

"Huh?"

"Look at her, now she's scared of me on top of everything else." I put my robe on over my flannel PJs and left the room more quietly than I really felt like being. Once I shut the door I realized there was no place for me to go in the house; no place to escape to. Every corner was full … of people and of their things. I went down the stairs as noiselessly as I could, grabbed my jacket, and then stepped out onto the porch and breathed in the almost painfully cold air and shuddered. We could have used some of the summer heat right then but the memory of it was enough to last me for a few moments.

A couple of minutes later Jax stepped out onto the porch and before I could object had me wrapped in a hug from behind. "I know you aren't going to believe me Lydie but …"

Quietly and sadly I told him, "Just drop it. It doesn't matter. This is the way it is and I have to live with it. It is up to me to handle it, not everyone else to make it easy on me."

It was pretty obvious he didn't know what to say to that or how to make it better. I don't think he could have done either one – no one could have – regardless of whether he'd been able to find some words or not. After a moment he asked, "Are you mad because Alexis is going?"

"No. Her fate is hers, not mine. I'm angry because I'm not going. But more to the point I'm hurt because of how you all handled it … like I'm incapable of using my commonsense and realizing that I'm a liability and choosing not to go of my own free will."

He tried to peer at me in the dark but I wouldn't look at him. "Wait. You mean …?"

"Yeah. I could have made that choice all on my own after reviewing all of the facts. Instead I got bits and pieces while you all decided for me and tried to figure out some way to make it more palatable so that I wouldn't come unglued." I stepped away and finally turned and looked at him. "Do you understand what I'm saying? First off you all made the choice for me. Second, you never really told me all that was going on; I had to guess most of it. And third, you automatically assumed that I would react badly rather than giving me credit for having the sense God gave a rock. You don't know what I would have chosen, you just assumed. I've included everyone in everything here at the home place … all of it … even when I knew what would be the most constructive course of action I still included you in the decision making process, gave you input. In return what do I get? Oh, Lydie is too stupid to see how things are. She's too much of a girl and emotional to make a wise decision. That more than anything is why I feel the way I do. And that more than anything else is why I understand why Matt thinks the way he does. When you don't have anything else but your smarts to get through this life with, and then people act like you couldn't rub two brain cells together to make a spark, it is like they've taken your value from you."

He took a step forward but I took two steps away. "Lydie … that's not … not … You've got it all wrong. And you've got lots of other stuff … you aren't just smart."

"Oh of course not. I have the Home Place here. Which by the way everything here came from one of two places … either it was left to me by my parents or it has been salvaged after you came into my life. I didn't create any of this on my own … I only took advantage of it. But wait, I don't really have the Home Place anymore do I? In a real sense it belongs to all of us now. Think about it, could I really kick anyone out? Or would the group come together and wonder if I've lost my marbles and overrule me? I'm not saying I didn't invite this on myself but still … I thought I was doing it because I got something in return … some companionship and respect. That's all I've really asked for. Instead I have to deal with … with …"

My chest was feeling heavy and I absolutely refused to cry over how I felt. I turned away and stared out at the night sky, the stars looking more starry than they should have because of the unshed tears getting in the way of my focus.

Jax sounded upset and hurt when he asked, "Why didn't you say any of this before now? Why let it go this far?"

Shaking my head I answered, "Because I wanted someone to realize I might be not be so selfish that my feelings were more important than the group's safety; that I would be smart enough to make the right choice. I wanted to believe that eventually someone would see it even if you were too blinded by your need to protect me. Instead all I get is people walking around me like I'm gonna blow at any second, like I'll blame them for something that isn't their fault to begin with. I don't blame anyone for Matt being who and what he has become. That would be like blaming Alexis and Gennie for what happened to them; it just wouldn't be fair. Why do you all have to keep blaming me for the fact that I couldn't see Matt for what he was until it was too late?! Do you have any idea how much it hurts to constantly have people acting like I must be an idiot because I didn't see him for what he's become before he became it? Even worse, that somehow or other I might still be vulnerable to being manipulated by him?!"

I couldn't find where the hurt stopped and the anger began or vice versa. I felt like shaking like a dog, trying to get rid whatever soaked my coat, only this was an emotional coating that I wanted to be shed of. I turned and tried to go down the steps but Jax pulled me back. "It's too cold. If you can't stand to have me near you I'll go but I don't want you to get sick because I've made you upset."

I turned and thumped him on the chest. "Stop being so nice and reasonable. I … I …"

Then we mutually fell into a tight embrace. It didn't make things better but it kept me from flying apart so I guess you could say it kept things from getting worse. Into my hair Jax whispered, "I didn't mean to make you feel like I didn't respect you Lydie. I can't speak for anyone else but I'm positive it is the same way for them. I never meant to make you feel this way."

"Forget it. Just … just forget it. I can't explain how I feel and shouldn't expect anyone to understand. Dad always said that expecting something out of other people to the point that you needed it was the first step down a rough row to hoe."

His sigh was a deep one and I felt it through my own body. "Lydie I respected your dad a lot but I didn't always agree with him. That saying he had is one of the things I didn't totally agree with him on. It might work with strangers but you shouldn't feel that way with family … and especially not with your lover. Do me a favor … if you insist on being that way with other people, please don't be that way with me. I've been expecting things out of you left and right ever since Kelly and I followed you home like a couple of stray mutts; I've been expecting them because I needed to and because I wanted to. I don't like the idea that you don't feel you can … or should … expect things out of me, or need things from me."

"Of course I do … but I have to be able to accept when something isn't there or doesn't happen. I can't just fall apart. I … I can't. There's too much riding on me being strong and in control."

Quietly he said, "You wanted me to see what you're saying I missed; that you'd make the choice not to ask to be included in the raid we are going on tomorrow night."

"I'm saying regardless of what I would have chosen, and I like to believe that I would have chosen what was best for the group or at least had some input in it, but I was never given the chance because no one thought I had the intelligence not to behave stupidly about something that was this important. You even had to ask why I wasn't making a scene Jax. Do you have any idea how that felt? That you had to ask why I wasn't acting like a complete ass?"

After a moment he admitted, "I never thought of it like that."

I had started to shiver, whether from nerves or the cold I'm still not sure. I pushed away from him and said, "We need to get back to Kelly. Plus you need to rest; tomorrow is going to be a bear."

"We need to talk this out."

"No, we don't. It is what it is. There's nothing that can be said that will change what happened and how I felt about it; there is nothing that can be said to change your mind on the subject because even after I've explained it to you I can see you still felt like you only did what you did with the best of intentions and would do it again." His slightly guilty look told me I'd guessed correctly. "If I keep talking it is just going to make it seem like I'm heaping coals on your head or whining to try and get my way and that isn't what I want to do. If you keep talking to try and get me to agree with you I can pretty much guarantee we're going to wind up sleeping in two different places. Just let it go."

I turned to go back in the house but when I put my hand on the door knob he pulled me back. "Are … are we OK?

I told him, "Of course we are."

Doubtfully he said, "It doesn't feel that way."

I shrugged. "Well we are on my side."

"You sure? Because it feels like you are pulling away from me."

I wasn't sure I was up for it but I tried to comfort him. "I'm wiped out Jax. This … this hurt … it still hurts and maybe more that I told you and you still don't quite understand where I'm coming from. But I'm not running away, I'm dealing with it. Give me some credit will you? I'm trying to be a grown up rather than throwing a tantrum. I'm trying not to handle things and manipulate people like Matt would. Life is just too short to repeat other people's mistakes. Just give me time. Wouldn't you want that if you were in my boots?"

He started kissing me and I let him. I think he needed it more than me. I also let him lead me inside and up to our room. I let him put me to bed after we put Kelly down for hers. And I let him do everything else we did that night. He seemed to need it. It wasn't a power thing, by that point I could tell the difference, it seemed that he was trying to comfort me but in reality I think he needed the comfort himself.

I lay awake long after Jax had fallen asleep wishing I hadn't let any of what I was feeling out. I'd held it in up to then, I should have been able to hold it in until after the guys went to try and assassinate Suicide. I hadn't wanted the last night I had with Jax to be about make up sex.

"Lydie … are you still awake?" Jax asked sleepily.

"No."

"Good," he mumbled and pulled me closer, sharing his body warmth.

I sighed but not audibly. I decided to make the next day as easy on him as I could. I didn't want him thinking about our head butting. I wanted him focused on his own safety, getting the job done, and then coming home. I suspected that intentionally killing someone was going to weigh on him more than he was willing to admit.


	41. Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To 5

**They Just Don't Make Emperors Like They Used To**

Part 5

"I'm thinking that this is your fault," Alexis said as she washed the blood from her hands after bandaging Johnson up.

"My fault?!" I asked a little on the ragged edge. "Want to explain since I wasn't even there? No wait. You're saying that somehow or other it is my fault that Matt is nuts."

"No … well maybe that but that's old news." Before I could belt her like I felt like she continued. "No this has to do with that lunatic Baumgarten getting ticked off because someone blew up some of his soldiers."

Well, that I could buy, at least up to a certain point. There are always consequences for the choices we make in life and not all of them are of the good variety. However I wasn't the only one that took part in that particular shenanigan. Before I had to bring that particular fact up Reggie limped into the kitchen and said, "You really get your rocks off on being a complaining pain in the butt don't you."

I knew he wasn't talking to me and so did Alexis. She turned around and hissed like a rabid cat. I wasn't going to let him draw her fire when he was as banged up as the rest of the guys were. "Enough." My tone must have surprised them both because they actually stopped. "It happened. We didn't mean for it to turn into what it did but that's the way it rolled. I'm not justifying what we did but from where I'm standing and from what I heard the scorching of our side started well before Delorey's crew even showed up. Face it, Matt had figured out what was going down and played us."

Aiden and Jules limped in and said, "Janice said you said that after listening to the radio. How can you be sure?"

Jax and Johnson stumbled into the room, both looking like they'd been drug behind a pick up – over cactus no less – and after falling into chairs Johnson said in a distrustful tone, "Yeah. Wanna explain that one Lydie? Did you suspect it before we went out?"

Offended at his insinuation I snapped, "Of course I didn't suspect it beforehand. You have any idea how far I would have gone to stop everyone if I had suspected something and you didn't listen to me and call things off?!"

Jax sighed. "At what point did you suspect it?"

Worried at the exhaustion in his voice I answered, "I got a niggling worry when I heard their patrols say that they'd spotted you but they didn't have any change of tone in their voice, they didn't panic or seem upset."

Jax nodded. "That made Vern uncomfortable too but we were already too far into the plan to pull back on just a suspicion. It was the best shot we were going to have. Lon mentioned being surprised that the booby traps hadn't been found with as much traffic as there appeared to be in the area."

Alexis was leaning hard against the wall and trying to get Gennie to leave her alone. "I'm fine. Knock it off will you?"

She wasn't fine. She'd fought as hard as the guys had and while she wasn't as beat up she was still shook up. I took a ladder back chair, moved it close to her and said quietly, "Sit before you fall down please. And have another cup of this cocoa, you need the hot and sweet."

Surprisingly enough she gave in without a single snarky comment and I was able to continue on with my explanation. "I know it sounds crazy but in a way we're all lucky that Delorey showed up when he did. I'm just not convinced that wasn't planned as well. Reggie?"

He gave it a moment of thought and then said, "Now that you point it out it feels like Matt."

Gennie asked, "What do you mean it feels like Matt? I don't get it."

Ginger, Ashley, Aston, Reggie and I said the same word at the same time. "Maestro."

"Huh?"

I explained, "Maestro is Matt's alter ego … from gaming … you know RPG games. Role playing games." As she and Alexis and a few of the others nodded their understanding I said, "Maestro was an avatar, a gamer identity, that Matt spent years developing. He used it over and over regardless of what game he was playing. It didn't matter what skin his identity had on, underneath he was the same … skill level, strategic capability, you name it. One of his favorite tactics was playing one side against another; he was even willing to sacrifice his own teammates and other players so long as in the end he was the winner. It got to the point that a lot of people wouldn't play with him … they'd play against him but not necessarily with him if you know what I mean."

Johnson said, "You mean people got tired of being used but there were some that still wanted to knock him down a few pegs."

I nodded, "Pretty much."

Gennie looked at me, disgusted, and asked, "How could you be with a guy like that?"

I felt Jax tense though he didn't say anything. Maybe he still wondered about that himself. "Because to me gaming was just that … a game. I didn't look at it as some huge judgment on his character. I … I guess I took it that Matt needed some kind of outlet for his intellect and wasn't going to razz him over being the best. He didn't get a lot of respect at home, at least as far as I knew; his dad had all these plans for him, these expectations, and I thought gaming was just the place Matt went to blow off steam. I had no idea that he might be using it to … to … well, to perfect certain techniques on manipulating people. How the heck was I supposed to know that the world would come crashing down and he'd really start thinking he was the character he created when we were little kids."

Trying to explain I told them, "I know everyone hates his guts but Matt wasn't always like he is right now." There was some noises of disbelief, even from the people that had known him almost as long as I had, if not as well. "Wait, hear me out. I'll admit that he obviously had the capacity to become what he is now but when he and I were close he really wasn't there yet. Maybe it is because his dad disappeared; the one real control in his life going missing with no explanation. Maybe … maybe it was removing all of the social norms and boundaries that let his natural inclinations to get out of control. I don't know for sure. What I do know is that Matt … the Matt I knew … wasn't always like he is today."

I wasn't sure whether Alexis was trying to be nasty or just honestly trying to understand when she asked, "What about Marty? It seems all of your friends knew that there was something going on there but you were clueless about it. If you missed that, isn't it possible you missed other stuff?"

I blanched. "I don't know what to think about that. Maybe I took them both for granted and things just sort of happened between them by accident, at least in the beginning. I got pretty wrapped up in my own personal problems."

"What personal problems could Wonder Girl have? Did you folks refuse to buy you that iToy you wanted?"

I looked at her like she was crazy. "You're kidding right? No one mentioned …?" I looked around at the others in the room and saw they were looking at each other. "Geez Louise!" I snapped suddenly angry way beyond what I should have been. "I try and explain things about you guys so no one gets the wrong idea and so that others can understand what you are going through and you can't give me the same courtesy?! Thanks a lot."

I stomped off slapping Jax's hand away as he tried to grab me as I went by. I was getting tired of that bad habit. When I wanted to go I didn't want to be grabbed at. About fifteen minutes later Alexis found me in the animal barn brushing King Kong out. "You gonna sulk out here the rest of the night?"

In slightly better control of myself I said, "Maybe."

"Why didn't you ever say anything about how your family died?"

"Because I don't want to start a bad habit that would be hard to break. I don't need or want people feeling sorry for me. When I could have used it the only ones that really gave a crap were Matt and Marty … or at least I thought they were there for me. Now I don't know what to think so it is easier just to keep it to myself until I have it figured out."

Sliding down into a bench Alexis said, "Sounds like it was a hell of a shock when you came to town and found out."

"Yeah, but I recovered. I don't need you or anyone else to pat me on the back. I did what I had to do. Don't go changing your opinion of me just because you missed a few details along the way. I could give a rat's behind."

She was silent for a moment and I was able to ignore her but then she said, "When I was ten my mother and I came in from the grocery store and found my dad in bed with the girl that had been my babysitter ever since I was a baby. She was the daughter of one of my mother's friends. It was a mess. Mom never made a scene after that first day. She did all the right things, tried to fix the marriage through counseling and when he wouldn't cooperate she let him have his divorce and then when he didn't pay child support she let it go for over a year before she took him to court and only then because me and my sister needed clothes and stuff and her income barely covered keeping a roof over our heads and food in our bellies. She didn't even make waves when all of her friends started abandoning her and wondering out loud why she hadn't seen what was happening under her very nose … that there was no way that they would have missed the signs. The only time I ever saw her cry was when she found out that the girl had had a baby boy and had gotten thrown out of the house by her family. Mom went and got the girl and she came to live with us. The girl couldn't handle it all and left … but not before she let Mom adopt the little boy … my baby brother. I never understood how she could do it. God I tried but I just never could. It isn't in me to be a martyr like that. I hate my ol' man for what he did, I could care less if he is alive or dead. I always thought Momma was weak. Now you make me see maybe I had the wrong idea … but I still don't understand it."

I shrugged, still not really looking at her. "Your mom sounds like a saint. I probably would have left permanent dents in your dad's head with whatever was at hand that day if it had been me."

Alexis chuckled, "Yeah … Mom did too … it was how she acted after that day that I didn't get. Same with you. Everyone is always expecting you to get angry but you never do. You smart off but you never blow up."

I tossed the brush I had been using and picked up the dander comb. "Dad always warned me that giving people what they expect all the time could lead to boredom on both sides."

She snorted, "See what I mean? You're doing it again. Why don't you get mad?"

I sighed. "Because when I get mad and let it out as much as I could I can get very, very nasty. The kind of nasty that can hurt people Alexis … not just with words but I know how to do things." I shifted King Kong in my lap so I could reach a nappy area that had developed in his fur. "Everyone thinks that Reggie and I consider the booby traps a game … like RPG turned real life. They think it is kind of a fantasy come true for us. Well I can't say with Reggie, it's his business, but for me I know what I'm doing. I'm good at it. My brain naturally wants to go that direction … the direction that says I don't know how to play well with others."

Trying to explain I told her, "When I was little and we found out how sick my brother was – they told you about that right? Well when we first found out I got so angry. Unbelievably angry. I literally plotted the punishment of the people that I thought had made my brother sick and the people that weren't – or in my mind it was wouldn't – help make him better. I'm not talking about just vague threats; I mean I literally planned it out in detail. Dad found some of my drawings and … and he explained that anger has its place but he also warned me about how destructive a force it could be, for others and for myself. Dad could have a really nasty temper too but he directed his more into stubbornness and self-sufficiency … he couldn't stand to be manipulated. Maybe that is what he saw in Matt and what he hoped I would outgrow. I don't know. What I do know is that he taught me to be very careful about getting angry because I was smart enough to do something really stupid that I would regret, maybe for the rest of my life. I saw that same potential for anger and violence in Matt … it made us comrades of sorts. He had his reasons and I had mine but it was the same seed buried in both of us. I think I was better at hiding it and channeling it than Matt was … maybe I still am. Matt could still lose it on occasion and he couldn't be bothered to get along with very many people. If they bothered him or bored him he ignored them, almost literally they stopped existing for him. I didn't have to go that far … or maybe I chose not to. Instead I'd take that energy and spend it on something else. The Home Place used up a lot of my energy and still does. The projects Dad and I were always up to helped me to stay constructively focused back then." I shrugged. "After I found out about Matt and Marty? I was so busy trying to adjust my plans and goals for the future so that I could prove that I could survive without them that I didn't have a lot of energy to waste plotting revenge or anything like that. There's an old saying about when you go to take revenge, dig two graves. I didn't want to be a victim again … I didn't want revenge enough to dig that second grave."

Quietly Alexis asked, "Where does Jax and his kid fit into the story?"

That was an easy one. "They saved my sanity. I hadn't wanted to admit how lonely I was all by myself. It had been coming on for a long time, since my family was murdered. If Jax hadn't insisted and talked me around … if I hadn't felt I could trust him and then come to respect him … I honestly don't know what state I would be in right now." I put King Kong back in his cage and watched him rearrange his fur to his own liking before flipping me the fluffy tail and shimmying into his hole in the hay he had dug out. "All of you are part of the reason why I'm able to hold on day to day. You give me a reason to get up in the morning and not plot out some demented war. I'm sad about losing Marty. I'm sad about losing Matt and how he turned out. But I'm also angry … I just have to control that anger. Maybe more than other people do. Because when I get angry I tend to make unnecessary messes that impact other people adversely. We got enough trouble on our plates right now, I don't need to do something to make it worse … to make it less likely that we'll be able to survive until the spring planting and beyond."

"So you were against this attack on Matt and Suicide?"

I shook my head. "No. I understand that part. I just didn't like how it was being pulled off."

"So you could have done a better job," she said like she was still deciding whether to go back to her original opinion of me.

"I don't know what I could have done. I wasn't given access to the facts as they came in. I was kept in the dark until I guessed things here and there. I know it is because people thought they were protecting me or keeping me from acting stupid but good intentions or not, it was a mistake. And it is too late for what might have beens." As I adjusted the damper on the heat so that the animals wouldn't suffer from the freezing temperatures I added, "We'll never have the element of surprise again. We don't even know who won."

A voice from the door way startled us. "Well, we know that Suicide is dead."

Alexis stood up, almost too fast judging by how she swayed. "Cal! You're old man is lucky I didn't blow your head off."

Just as irritably I asked, "What are you doing here Cal? And what do you mean that Suicide is dead?"

Holding his hands up in surrender he mouthed off, "Geez, don't get your panties in a knot. I just thought I'd share the info since you were wondering."

I stood up and walked towards Cal menacingly. "Do … not … play … games … with … me. Not on my turf and not under these circumstances."

Cal stepped back suddenly realizing that he'd seriously stepped in it. "They … uh … they're up at the house. I gotta get back before Dad wonders where I am."

I looked at Alexis. "You need help getting back to the house?"

"Nah. But you might want to ease up on Cal. He looked like he was going to need to look for a pair of clean boxers."

I wasn't in the mood to kid. "Then he should use more sense and realize who he is baiting."

I left her with that thought and went back towards the house. I knew Alexis wouldn't be far behind me but I wasn't in the mood to wait if she felt she didn't need any help. Jax was just stepping out of the back door when he saw me.

"Lydie, Lon and Vern are here."

I told him, "I guessed at least one of them was here given Cal's presence. What's up?"

His face was very serious. "Suicide is dead."

"So Cal hinted at. But did they actually see him dead or was he just getting messed up?"

Vernon stuck his head out of the door and I saw that someone had fixed him a mug of something that steamed. He appeared to nod in approval at my question. "Blood loss or infection will eventually take him out without major medical attention and from what I saw with my own eyes that will be withheld. Delorey had him strung up and buck naked and was skinning him one tat at a time. Don't even ask me to explain what he'd already done to all his piercings and other body art."

Vernon had moved back home and knew Delorey Baumgarten's back story and reputation. No one would have to explain to him how serious things were.

I blanked that part of my brain that wanted to shriek and run away. Instead I walked up the porch steps and said, "We got problems."


	42. The Empire Strikes Back Part 1

The Empire Strikes Back

 **Part 1**

"Is that all you got to say girl?"

I shrugged, "What else do you want me to say? If you are waiting for me to apologize for sticking that bomb on the Charger you'll be waiting for a long while."

I moved into the seriously crowded kitchen and looked around. In addition to Cal and Vernon, Lon was there as was Junior. I had to slow down as people shifted to make room for another body in the limited free space. I was heading for the stairs but Jax got in front of me and instead of making it easy on me he pulled a chair out like he was being a gentleman. I gave him a look that let him know I didn't like being herded like a cow but he kept his face carefully blank and said, "Take a look at what is in that box Lydie."

Not having much choice unless I was willing to make a scene I sat at the table and grabbed a box that Reggie pushed my way. Looking inside all I could say was, "Well isn't this special. I wouldn't have minded some flowers and candy but this is a little above and beyond don't you think?"

I looked at Lon and Vernon who were both now inside and having Ginger refill their mugs. I smelled poultry seasoning and realized she had fixed them broth. "Where did you find this?" I asked them with a little less sass in my voice.

"One of the boys on guard duty at the farm shot it down while we were battling down by the river," Vernon answered. "It's the primary reason why we're here instead of home in the arms of our women where we belong."

I clinched my teeth against a comment concerning male chauvinism and then said, "So?"

"So I want to know if Matt is capable of making a contraption like that or if it is someone else eyeballing us."

Before answering him I asked, "Why didn't you call us on the radio instead of coming all this way?"

"'Cause I'm no longer sure that we can trust that our transmissions aren't being monitored. And that's another problem to come to terms with."

I shrugged. "Telefax or Radiofax … you know, like they used to use in air traffic control towers back in the old days … the stuff you see in movies about World War 2 and the Korean and Vietnam Conflicts."

The room got silent and then Vernon asked in clipped and irritated tones, "You can do that? Why haven't you brought this up sooner?"

I clucked my tongue and told him, "Don't get bent. It isn't rocket science you know. If they were able to pull that sort of stuff off starting back in the 1920s when it was invented I don't see why we can't come up with something similar to it today. We can use radio waves instead of phone lines or other types of cable since we already have the set up on both ends. We keep it simple enough we could probably have something up and running within the week and unless someone else has the transmission wavelength and the right kind of receiving device they won't really be able to capture what we were doing. I'd still use code just to be sure but …" I ended on another shrug. "As to why … if I had suspected we would need something like that I would have probably thought of it sooner. But garbage in garbage out. I can't plan correctly if I don't have all the data in a timely manner."

Vernon and Lon looked at each other then at Jax who cocked an eyebrow at them. I looked at the three of them and just shook my head. "Am I supposed to interpret that bit of sign language or do you want something from me or what?"

Ignoring my question Vernon asked, "So do you think that Matt is capable of this?"

I answered, "Of course he is capable of it. Several people sitting around this table are capable of it including me, Reggie, you, Jax, and Lon for starters. However if you are asking is this for sure Matt's handy work … ? I don't know, did you look for a signature?" At their silence I started looking at the remains of the apparent drone in front of me. I hate when people like to test me like I'm some kind of trained monkey that they really don't believe can use sign language. "This doesn't look military, not sophisticated enough, and the two of you would have known that so why are you quizzing me on it? To be honest it looks more like something slapped together from spare parts from a hobby shop … and there were a couple of those in town at one point. So yeah, this could be Matt's work … but Delorey could just as easily have someone working for him that knows the ropes as well. Some of those guys in the drug trade have military training … again something the two of you, with your experience, would know. It wouldn't take much imagination for someone to replicate what had been used against them at some point."

"So you can't say for sure that this isn't Matt's work?"

"No more than I can say for sure that it is." Looking at everyone looking at me I rolled my eyes. "Next question I guess is do I think that Matt is working for or against Delorey."

"Yeah," Lon admitted. "That's the next question."

"Why ask me this now?" I asked to no one in particular. Not getting an answer I told them, "Well, if he is working against Delorey I doubt it is being done openly. Delorey is mean, nasty, but worst of all for Matt's purposes, he's unpredictable. Matt wouldn't like that – not that anyone would – and would have a hard time manipulating him because of it. Like I mentioned to everyone else, it's possible that somehow or other Matt decided to use Delorey's anger over the blow up and take Suicide out if for some reason Suicide was getting in Matt's way. We still don't know what his immediate, or even ultimate, goal is."

Cal said, "But Jax said that you said Matt wants some kind of tech … uh … tech-no-u-topia … or something like that."

"Maybe," I agreed. "But that was just a guess on my part. I don't have a direct line to Matt's psyche no matter what any of you seem to think. I'm really not sure I know what is motivating him these days. I can guess – probably get closer to the truth than most people – but that doesn't mean my guesses are automatically correct."

Vernon asked, "But you suspect that Matt saw us coming at the very least."

"Same as you did once you got out there in the middle of it."

Then he asked, "You have any idea how he figured it out?"

I shook my head. "For pete sake, how am I supposed to know?" When they kept looking at me expectantly I just shrugged and told them, "It could have been any one of a handful of different ways. I'm sure you've got suspicions of your own. My best guess though would be by accident … he may still have taken credit for it but that doesn't mean it didn't start out just by plain ol' accident. Maybe someone left a booby exposed or some equipment behind or one of their patrols spotted one of us … one of these drones could have seen us since we weren't looking for them. Maybe Delorey had someone watching and we didn't realize it … just any number of things. But Matt wouldn't need but a few pieces of information to create a set of possible defenses. I don't even know exactly what happened yet."

Lon growled, "Jax can give you the details later. Basically we walked into an ambush. Luckily Suicide's people weren't expecting us to be able to throw as much firepower back at them as we did and hadn't found all of the boobies."

"Matt wouldn't care about that."

"Huh?"

"Matt wouldn't care if he lost soldiers to the booby traps so long as his plan continued to move forward." I stopped and gave it some serious thought and then turned to Reggie. "Reg, you've played against him enough to have a feel for him. What do you think? Was it a serious attack or … or maybe just a diversion … possibly to keep Suicide occupied until Delorey could get in place?"

Reggie had already picked up on what I was asking before I was half way through. "That's a real possibility."

"Jax?"

"Hum?" he answered like he hadn't expected me to include him.

"Did you notice anything unusual about the fighting?"

"Unusual how?"

"You know where we laid the boobies. Did it look like the teams were supposed to avoid that area or were they trying to keep people away from some other area? Did you run into any teams that were trying to … I don't know … box you in or turn you away or towards something?"

All of the guys started thinking about it at that point, trying to step back and see the big picture of how the battle had flowed. Jax answered first with, "They either didn't know about the boobies on the embankments of the hill or didn't care. Some of the ones we had set closer to town caught them off guard but not enough to stop and make them think. I can say they didn't want us going near the waterfront but that's probably because they're using that area for their energy production."

"Maybe, maybe not. How did Delorey get involved? Was he already in town? If not how did he get there? What …?"

Junior interrupted before I could continue. "Wasn't by boat if that's what you're wondering; the river was iced over. But I don't think he was there when the fighting started either. My team was closest to getting Suicide when I saw him start to freak when Delorey showed up. You'd figure Suicide would have known if Delorey was in town."

"Maybe … probably … unless Matt was keeping it quiet," Johnson added.

I held up my hand for a momentary pause. "We're making a huge assumption here that it is Matt that is running the show. Even if we take Delorey out of the picture you know it is possible that Matt isn't the one calling the shots."

Jules snapped, "Are you honestly still defending that guy?"

My hackles snapped to attention and I belted back at him, "No. And I never defended him to begin with. I'm trying to use logic which is more than you are doing. I'm sorry about your girlfriend but you need to back off me and get your head out of your backside over this. More than likely Matt is certifiable but that doesn't mean he's boss hog at the feeding trough. We need to consider all possibilities before we act like idiots over nothing."

Jules made to jump at me. Johnson and Aston grabbed him in surprised alarm. Jax and Reggie stepped in front of me. And Vernon and Lon shot up but let us sort it out ourselves.

I pushed Reggie to the side because Jax wasn't budging. "Jules, don't mess with me. I've about had my fill of people acting like they can talk to me anyway they want with impunity. It is not my fault that Matt has turned out like he has. It is not my fault that none of you that were left in town saw it until it was too late and you've suffered badly because of that. It is not my fault your girlfriend hurt you. I'm not sure that is particularly Matt's fault either, but a choice she apparently made willingly. She's responsible for that, not me and not anyone else. I understand how bad it has to hurt that she turned on you but she is the one that did you wrong. Stop letting it rule your life and your commonsense."

Aiden who had come into the kitchen, aided by Janice whom he was leaning on fairly heavily said, "Jules … I hate to say it but she's right. You're trying to make other people pay for what she did to you, trying to make it someone else's fault. Ain't happening Cuz. She isn't coming back."

Jules snarled, "I don't want her back."

"Good," I told him. "I think you deserve better. She had no right to do you like that. If she wanted out she could have ended it a heck of a lot better than she did." He started to say something but then just looked at me like he wasn't sure he'd heard what I'd said. Giving him a hard look I asked, "How do you think I felt about what Matt and Marty did to me? Think on it. And also wonder how I felt when it seemed that all my friends turned on me at the same time, favoring Matt and Marty's side over mine." He just sort of blinked like that wasn't anything that had ever occurred to him. Feeling I'd made my point I said, "Now let's everyone sit down and get back to business before Lon and Vernon start wondering if we are all just a bunch of hormonal, angst-ridden teenagers."

Jax sighed and looked to the heavens for patience. The imp in me wanted to tell him to be careful what you prayed for as God had a way of answering when you least expected it … and usually in the form of lessons that forced you to acquire the skills you were expecting free of charge. Praying for patience seemed to be one of the more dangerous types of prayers a person could make. But I managed to keep my mouth shut because God also has a way of dealing with smart alecks and I was honest enough with myself to admit that I crossed that particular line more than was strictly necessary.

After the pause in histrionics Lon and Vernon shook their heads and sat back down after making sure everyone else was doing so. I decided to give it another go. "Like I was saying, Matt is a brain trust; smarter than I am and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. And I'm honest enough to admit that he also may very well be every nasty thing everyone has been calling him. But none of that means that he is automatically the one currently in control or in power. It also doesn't mean that it isn't possible to think around him regardless of what his place in everything is."

Lon asked, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Reggie answered for me. "It means that you don't have to be smarter than him to outsmart him. Matt's worst failing is that he can't recognize that he could possibly be outsmarted. He's brilliant but has a one-track mind; one of those I-think-therefore-it-must-be-so hang ups so many smart people have. If he is so determined to go one direction then we shake his confidence, or take enough of his game pieces of his board game, then he might not be able to adjust his plan in time to stop us from doing whatever it is we want to do. It is the only way I was ever able to beat him."

I added, "That and the fact that he never knew if his opponent was you or someone else. You created new avatars left and right; faster than Matt could keep up with. If he couldn't judge who you were then he didn't know what your shortcomings were in real life and kind of twit you with them on the board. What a lot of people don't know was part of Matt's strategy was to study his opponents long before his opponents ever thought to challenge him. He also studied battlefield tactics and successful generals and stuff like that. It was the closest he came to finding history useful."

Vernon said, "Sounds like Napoleon."

I admitted, "Maybe. And if Napoleon met his Waterloo, the same thing can happen to Matt. Again, assuming he is the one in control of the chess board. We need to take a leaf out of his book and start studying who our opponent really is and then plan accordingly. Obviously surprise is out … but then again, maybe it isn't. If Matt or whoever it is makes the mistake of assuming they know everything that we're capable of then we operate outside that box they are trying to put us in. Wait for our opportunity. Then slam them hard and with something permanent."

Jax said, "That's all well and good but don't forget, we've got Delorey Baumgarten added to the mix now."

"Do we?" I asked. When I had everyone's attention I said, "It is likely that we do but we don't know for sure and we don't know in what form."

Vern leaned back in his chair and said, "Sure, I see it. We don't know if he is going to take over the town or put someone in charge and use it as an outpost. Will he live on site or only drop by occasionally."

Lon added, "We've heard he has aspirations. He wants the whole state under his control. To make that happen he is going to have to stay on the move."

Vernon nodded and said, "We don't know how far he is with that plan or if …" He stopped and shook his head. "We've got a lot of thinking to do but first thing we need to do is shore up our defenses. And I want a plan for that radiofax system ASAP so we can get the ball rolling. Come on boys, we need to head home and spread the word. It will help with morale." Vernon looked at Jax and nodded but it would take me a while to figure out what that nod meant.


	43. The Empire Strikes Back Part 2

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 2

It took a while – despite the fatigue and nerves the day had wrought – to start to get the house settled as the sun went down and evening set in. Ashley was sent to bed again after Jax checked her blood pressure and didn't care for it. Ginger was doing her best to keep our injured from climbing the walls and sniping at each other. Suicide's death – actual or imminent – was a victory of sorts but they didn't feel it because, as I had warned, the problem didn't go away but merely changed. And Delorey's reputation was enough to leave everyone with a sour stomach.

Alexis was in a strange mood. She just sat in the corner of the kitchen, silent and withdrawn. Not even Gennie could reach her.

I asked the girl to come out to the hallway in the guise of giving her something to do that was urgently needed. "Gennie, I know you mean well but give Alexis some space," I told her quietly. "It's nothing against you. She's probably just having a rough time with some memories of what all happened today. And maybe getting wrapped up in what happened to both of you before. She had to get awfully close to some of the people that likely had a hand in hurting her."

"No way, Alexis is tough. Nothing can shake her."

"Yes way … and it is because Alexis is tough. If I had to guess, this is her way of holding it together for the moment; but she's human, not a robot. Cut her some slack. She'll snap back, but you gotta give her some room to do it. The more you ride her the less focus she has to deal with what is going on inside her head."

Janice overheard us in the hallway and interrupted. "Gennie, come give me a hand with Johnson. He'll stay put if he thinks he is doing it for you. I need some air from all these guys."

Gennie gave me her you-are-crazy look and went to do Janice's bidding. Janice looked at me and said, "See what I mean about her not getting things? She's awful young for the age she claims to be, even after everything that happened to her."

I nodded. "Maybe. But if she's going to lie I can't make her spit her real age out. Might be trauma or something setting her back too."

Janice admitted, "Maybe." Before I could go back to the kitchen she asked, "You think Alexis is really alright or is it something else?"

"I think she'll be OK if people stop constantly asking her if she is OK and give her a chance to deal. I know what it is like to need some space to think things out. You've heard what Reggie and I did the first time we had a run in with those thugs from town."

She shrugged. "As long as you don't think it is anything else."

"Anything else like what?"

"Johnson … he said … there might be a spy."

For two seconds I wanted to laugh. On the third second I scowled instead. "Doesn't Jules wonder if that's me?"

She had the grace to blush. "Maybe you should give him some room to deal like you're willing to give Alexis. I know he's not doing too well at the moment but you know he isn't a bad guy."

"All I know is that he needs to at least try better than what he's been giving it. Make sure Aiden understands that and gets his cousin to understand that. We're supposed to be a team. A team is only as good as its weakest link. If Jules wants to feel sorry for himself then he needs to understand what he is actually doing is putting the rest of at risk. Other people start understanding that part of it and Jules might just wind up with something bruised besides his heart."

She nodded and went her way and I returned to the kitchen where I was cooking up a light supper for those that wanted something. I was flipping corn patties when Alexis looked over at me. "They asked you about being a spy yet?"

I looked at her casually and shrugged. "People always need someone to blame when their plans don't work the way they expected them to. I doubt they really mean it; why should they. It's just that they made a plan that sounded good but when they were in the middle of implementing it they found out at that their enemy was smarter than they gave him credit for being."

Then she asked the question no one had been willing to ask up to that point. "Is Matt too smart for us to beat?"

I'd already considered it but had tossed that idea out the window. I'd realized Matt didn't belong on the pedestal I'd had him up on. Casually I told her, "Nope."

Surprised, some of her lethargy disappeared. "You say that like you are absolutely certain."

With absolute conviction I said, "I am."

"After today how can you be?"

I revealed, "It is because of today that I am."

A creak behind me had me turning to find Jax looking a little forlorn but trying not to show it. "That doesn't make a lot of sense right now Lydie."

I put a couple of corn patties on a plate and handed them to him to hold him until I finished everything else. "Molasses and stuff is on the table. You should eat something; that belt doesn't have another notch in it."

He sat and I tried to hand a duplicate plate to Alexis but she only took one of the patties and then pushed the rest back at me. She sat there forcing herself to nibble to keep me off her back but wouldn't let me ignore explaining what I'd said. "So if you weren't sure up until now that we could beat him. What is it about the fact that we got our butts kicked that changed your mind?"

"All the mistakes he made," I told her like it was obvious.

"I didn't see no mistakes," she said quietly.

I shrugged. "Pull back from the battle field; right now you're too close. First off being prepared for our attack let us know he thinks we're capable of attacking which means he was worried enough to be prepared. That's a confidence booster right there." I added slices of country ham to the skillet and the sound and smell of it frying filled the kitchen. "Then there was the fact that he wasn't prepared for the amount of firepower we mustered. Vernon and Lon would be able to recognize something like that and if they said it I have to believe that was what kept the ambush from being successful. That was a big mistake Matt made … underestimating the enemy."

I flipped the ham and the sound of sizzling renewed. "He also gave away that the waterfront was important. If we know what he considers important then we know where he is vulnerable. And then there is the fact that he gave up so many of his chess pieces … his pawns. Even if he can talk himself out of looking like he wasn't as prepared as he thought he was, people are going to be resentful that so many were hurt and killed, especially because they didn't send any of our side to the Pearly Gates. It will get some of the remaining pawns wondering if he is all that they think he is. Of course Matt can blame Suicide for the failure but that doesn't mean that we have to believe him even if the pawns ultimately do."

I took the ham slices out of the skillet, added a little coffee, and proceeded to make red-eye gravy from the drippings left in the pan. "But if our observations are correct, Suicide didn't have enough people to control all of the land within the city limits to begin with. Whoever is now in charge is going to have even fewer. That means that they can't watch every building and road all the time. They'll be stretched thin and it will create areas of vulnerability. I suspect they'll set up observation points and probably get remote cameras going but power will be limited so …"

Jax interrupted. "He's got the power back on."

I turned and found that either my voice or the smell of cooking had drawn several of the guys back into the room. Looking at Jax I asked, "What do you mean he has the power back on?"

Aston – Reggie was currently on duty in the cupola – looked grim and said, "The National Guard got the dam back on line. But from what we observed it looks like it is only partially online, kinda cobbled together with duct tape and drywall screws."

I was literally speechless for a moment but not from being stunned. I was royally hacked. I turned like a snake and threw the spatula into the sink so hard Reggie probably heard it up in the attic. "Somebody – anybody – wanna tell me why I didn't know that?! How on God's green earth am I supposed to come up with a reasonably accurate hypothesis if I don't have all the data?!"

Jax looked very uncomfortable as did Aston. Johnson just shrugged like it was obvious. "We didn't want any leaks. Someone seemed to be feeding him information."

That idea settled in the pit of my stomach like a piece of brimstone. "We'll get back to the idea of who that someone is in a minute. Right now I wanna know what you mean that it seemed that someone was feeding him ideas or information."

Jax stood up quickly and came to my side but not before Johnson could finish saying, "You talked about the dam coming back online and suddenly it was. You talked about using the river for power and suddenly it happens."

Something inside me snapped. I almost heard it, knew what it meant but it was too late. I shouted, "Did you get concussed one too many times on the playing field?! You people wanted to know how Matt would think and what he was likely to do so I tell you! Now you're blaming me because I was right?!" I then turned and snarled at Jax, "And you! How could you … you … you …"

I was so angry that I was losing my ability to verbalize it. Jax had never seen me this angry. No one had. No one knew about the fact that I'd had to do some major repairs and remodeling after the last person left after the memorial service for my family. I hadn't been able to hold it in another moment and it wasn't until I'd thrown, kicked, and broken enough things to wear myself out that I was able to stop. My anger boiled up and out – had been trying to for a long while at that point – and I grabbed the hot skillet and flung it straight at Johnson's head. He barely had time to avoid it and scalding gravy went everywhere.

I growled like a wild beast and would have thrown a chair next but Jax jerked it away and suddenly I found myself on the floor as he tackled me before I could go for something else. "Lydie! Stop it!"

"You! You traitor! Get off me!" I screamed.

"I'm not! I swear I never believed any of it!"

"Get off me!"

"Please listen to me! It's not like you're thinking! Just give me a chance! I knew you'd be hurt if you found out! But I knew you'd prove them wrong! I knew you'd prove it Lydie just by being you! I thought this way you'd never have to know!"

We wrestled for a bit. Then still fighting I screamed at him, "How could you let them say those things?! Why didn't you tell them to shut up or get out! Why didn't you tell me what was going on?! If I had known about the dam I could have told you it was already too late! You wouldn't have had to risk getting killed! Get off me!"

"I got out voted! I told you I knew you'd prove them wrong!"

"When did any of this become a freaking democracy?!" I asked, finally levering him off of me.

I jumped up and would have started throwing things again but the alarmed look on Jax's face had me spinning around. He shouted, "Don't lay a hand on her Johnson. If you do I swear it will be the last thing you ever do."

"Look at her. She's insane! She burned just about everyone in the room just because her feelings got hurt."

Jax stepped between me and Johnson, whether for his sake or mine I don't know. "And how would you be if you'd gone through everything she's gone through, invited people into your home out of the goodness of your heart, and then basically had them turn on you?!"

Reggie had come from someplace but I only registered him as another problem. But unlike his normal behavioral choices this time he stepped in and seriously manned up and started addressing the problem rather than just reacting to it. "You're right Lydie, one of us should have said something. But I gotta say, Jax hated it from the very beginning. He busted Junior in the mouth hard enough to knock a tooth loose. He got in a fight with a couple of the others from Houchins Farm as well. He nearly got into it with Vern and Lon and you know what they could have done to him with all their training, but still he was willing to go there. He wouldn't let anyone bad mouth you while he was around. He never once, not once, believed any of that crap. I didn't either, I just … I just didn't know they'd ever be stupid enough to say anything to your face about it."

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Alexis put her arm around me. Reggie said, "Don't! Alexis, just back away. When she's like this she … she might not know …"

"So you know she goes nutso beserk?" I heard her ask the question but it was like it was over a bad phone line.

"I saw her once. Will, her brother, was already bad sick but still able to do some things at that point so long as he was careful. That day we were all down at the Little League park for the play offs when these out of town kids from the other team came over and started messing with him. His face was all out of shape because of some medicine he was on, steroids I think, and they … well they chose the wrong person to try and hurt. I'm not sure they meant to but one of them knocked Will down and that port thing he used to wear in his arm started bleeding. Lydie went bye-bye and She Hulk showed up. If the guy she'd been aiming at hadn't moved he would have gotten caught between the metal trash barrel she threw and the light pole he'd been standing by and gotten squished like a bug. It took Matt, Marty, Will and a couple of the adults to keep her from ripping that guy's throat out. As soon as she calmed down she started crying and asking for her father. She wouldn't let anyone near Will and he wouldn't let anyone near her until their dad showed up and man, he was nearly as angry as Lydie had been. Cops got called and everything. Funny though … it was Matt that suggested that if something happened like Lydie getting arrested or anything, there were plenty of people standing around that would sign affidavits to the effect that she'd been protecting her dying brother and it would look really, really bad in court for the other guy and maybe even some of the adults would then be sued for not being responsible and keeping the kids they brought with them under control. He said it would be a real shame to see the coaches on the other team and some of the parents over there take a financial fall just because of one crap head. We were only like fourteen and he still managed to work that situation like … well like a maestro."

I was shivering. Too much emotion and adrenaline were still zinging through my veins. I don't know why she said it but something must have happened because the next thing I know Alexis is putting my coat on me and saying, "Give me a break. Haven't you guys done enough damage as it is?"

Next thing I clearly remember is sitting on the floor of the animal barn with King Kong in my lap and realizing he was going to be hacked at how wet I was getting his fur. I brushed the tears off his back and then off my face. I looked up to find Alexis watching me. She asked, "You ok now?"

I gave a cynical chuckle. "If by ok you mean will I survive the fact that I just destroyed my life? The answer is that I'm doubtful."

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "Geez, be a drama queen. You didn't destroy your life."

Hesitantly I asked, "Did I hurt anyone? I can't remember."

"Only their pride and that deserved a good swift kick in the front of their pants."

"No," I told her. "You can't do guys that way. It messes with their heads too much. It's too hard to fix when it gets broken."

"They aren't broke," she told me and then came to sit beside me on the floor. "They might be a little dented but broke they're not."

The door opened and Jax slid inside. Alexis looked at him and said, "You better figure out how to fix this. She still ain't all here and we need her."

She got up and left. It took a moment but Jax took her place. He sat so close our hips touched but I had nothing left to react with. "Can I fix this Lydie? Will you let me or have I screwed up too bad?"

I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my head on them. "Why would you want to? You think Matt is nuts and don't want to have anything to do with him even though you are close blood kin, which I understand. But now you know I'm nuts too. You'll leave and take Kelly away. Everyone will leave."

Slowly and gently he put his arm around me. "I could give a rat's behind about anyone else but Kelly and I aren't leaving. Maybe it would be best if some of the others did leave. There're too many people in too small a space. Things get said that shouldn't be said. We're too close to what is going on to be objective. You were right, we shouldn't have been running it like a democracy … at least not about some things. I … I should have said something Lydie. I just didn't want to see your feelings get hurt after all you've done. But I didn't know how to … to prove to them that they had it all wrong. I knew in time you'd prove them wrong, I just … just misjudged the timing. But that's no excuse."

I felt like curling into a ball, disintegrating, and blowing away. "Why Jax? Why?! I did what everyone asked me to do. I didn't even fuss when they kept me out of things even though it hurt the way it was done. Do I have to go take out Matt myself … be the one to put a bullet in his brain … for people to get off my back and give me some credit? And why would they think I was in cahoots with him? It doesn't make sense."

"No it doesn't. I tried to tell them they were letting their feelings get in the way of their commonsense but they didn't want to listen. I … I tried to handle it without you finding out. I only wanted to protect you Lydie."

I faced a choice, maybe one of the most important I had ever made in my life. I could hold onto my hurt which would eventually accomplish exactly what I was afraid of … being left all alone again … or I could try and meet Jax half way. It wouldn't change the fact that I was hurt. I couldn't take back the things I'd done to hurt them in return. But I could try and be as brave as he was being and not give up.

Slowly and carefully I leaned my head over until it rested against his shoulder. He seemed to be holding his breath but then leaned his head over so that it barely rested on mine and then even more slowly he turned his face and kissed me near my ear. "I'm … I'm sorry I messed up," he whispered into my hair.

"I'm sorry that I went nuts over it," I whispered back.

I shuddered, some of the things I'd done and said coming back to me. "Easy," he said. "It's OK."

"No it's not Jax. This isn't the kind of thing that can be swept under a rug. For a lot of reasons."

He told me, "We'll deal with it."

"How? How can I expect anyone to …"

Both Jax and I jumped when Johnson said, "About that … I … uh … just got really reamed out by Janice, Alexis, and Ginger so … you know …" He'd stuck his head in the door but decided to follow it the rest of the way into the room where it was warmer. He shut the door and started again. "Let's just call it even and move forward. We made a mistake. So maybe I hate Matt more than I realized and was looking for a reason to hate him some more because it feels good; at least that is what Janice said. Maybe … I don't know, Reggie brought this up … maybe part of Matt's game plan is to turn us against each other. He's apparently pretty good at it. If that's it he can go pound sand. If … if we … uh … still have a place to stay we should stay a team just to hack him off if nothing else."

Jax looked at me and I sighed tiredly. "What do you expect me to do? Kick you guys out in the middle of winter with no place to go and no food? That's as close as it gets to murder without pulling the trigger. You still think I'm that bad a person?"

"Not … uh … not really. But I wouldn't be surprised if you maybe wanted to."

"Well I don't want to so there. Just … just …" It was too much. I shivered again.

Jax said, "Take off Johnson. And keep everyone else from bothering her too. I'm going to take her up to our room and I'll be down later to talk things out."

After Johnson had left I said, "You don't need to do that. I made the mess, I'll …"

"The mess was made by everyone. Too many missteps. Too many assumptions. We haven't been thinking things through right. We've been reacting and that's about it. We've paid a price for it. It doesn't matter whether Matt set us up somehow or if we are doing it to ourselves, it's time for this crap to stop. Now I want you to let me do for you, give you one of them cups of tea you take when you have a headache. Then I want you to rest. We'll have to get back at this tomorrow but for tonight just do as I ask."

Trying for his sake to offer a small smile but failing miserably I asked, "Doctor's orders?"

"No. I'm no doctor. But I care about you Lydie … love you more than I know how to show you. Just for tonight let me pretend I can protect you the way I mean to. Let me take care of you and tell everyone else they can go to Hades for a while."

Sighing in relief that I wouldn't have to face anyone for a while and beginning to feel that maybe the whole world wasn't going to come to an end after all I said, "OK. I think I can handle that."


	44. The Empire Strikes Back Part 3

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 3

"Lydie? You want me to stay tonight or …?"

I sighed and shivered despite having an extra blanket on the bed. "Don't make me ask Jax. Not after everything that has happened. It's one in the morning and I still can't seem to sleep or get warm."

He seemed to nearly fly under the covers and not quite meaning to was a little rough when he pulled me to him. "God Lydie," he moaned quietly, neither one of us wanting to wake Kelly or have anyone else in the house hear our business. Breathing into my hair he whispered, "I promise …"

I put my hand over his mouth to hush him. "No promises, not in the heat of the moment. We've made the important ones already right? So let's just stick with the ones we know we mean and can keep."

"But I messed up."

Shivering both from the cold and his sudden nearness and complete willingness to make up I told him, "We both messed up. We'll probably mess up in the future too, let's just not mess up quite that way again."

A little while later we were a lot warmer and my shivering had finally stopped. Jax said, "I didn't mean to just jump on you like that. I meant to … to talk and tell you I never meant …"

Not really wanting to rehash it I said, "Did you hear me complaining? As for the rest of it, it's … it's in the past. I just can't … can't do that … that loss of control again. It costs too much."

"Yeah," he said when he was sure I meant what had come earlier in the evening and not what we'd just experienced together. "We'll figure things out … we'll communicate better or something. No holding information back just because we think we're doing what's best for the other person. We'll do whatever it takes; I just don't want you to wind up resenting me like Darlene did."

I shook my head. "I don't resent you Jax, certainly not like you seem to mean. Being with you is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I think it's just we both come with some baggage and we're letting it … it control things too much. We need to pick what's most important and stick with it." I rubbed my cheek against his bare chest as much for myself as for him to feel that I was right there with him. "I'm … I'm trying really hard not to be a snot about this but I can't explain it exactly right. I just mean there's too much going on, too much that could kill us … figuratively and literally. I can't waste time and energy on … on blowing up. Getting angry is sometimes necessary; being destructive and saying hurtful things is not and only makes things worse."

I shivered a little as the cold crept under the covers where we'd pulled them loose from the foot of the bed. We adjusted the blankets and then I told him, "I don't want you to think I'm pulling back from you after what happened, and I'm worried that's how you'll take it … how the others will take it too. I just only have so much to give and if I stay on this emotional hamster wheel I've been on … being hurt and confused because I can't seem to get anyone to understand why I'm hurt … there's gonna be a mess of some type. We can't afford that. I've got to get my head in the game and keep it there. I have an itchy kind of feeling that we've breached some kind of barrier and there might be some nasty surprises on this level of the game. All the sides have been exposed; we're here and they're there, never the 'twain to meet, and right now they hold more pieces than we do. Mathematically they could overwhelm us just with numbers. We need to take more time between moves but not so much time that the other side has the opportunity to guess our strategy."

His hand traced from my shoulder to lower back and then pulled me tighter against him. "Ok. But I don't want you to hold back because you are worried about sharing feelings you don't think I'll understand. Maybe I won't but I'd still rather you keep me in the loop so I can try. How am I supposed to figure things out, make sure I'm not messing up, if you don't let me know when I am." He had a point so I agreed to keep it in mind. It would have been stupid to play martyr. Then he asked, "Are you in the mood to hear what we talked about or do you want to let it go for now?"

Something inside me relaxed. I hadn't meant to put him to the test but I guess part of me had been waiting to see if he would follow through on what he said he would do. I knew it was late but I still told him, "Yeah. I need to know."

"OK." He sighed and then eased me over so I was on my back and he leaned over me a little. "I'll be honest, everyone was a little … freaked out … about how you reacted."

"Overreacted."

"No … how you reacted. Yes, it was an explosion but once everyone got a glimpse of how you were feeling they understood it better … not completely, but better. As you'd expect the girls got it better than the guys. But surprising or maybe not, Alexis is the one that chewed almost all of us out and put it in terms that even Gennie seemed to understand. After discussing it we agreed that we'd all made mistakes and it is time to knock it off, that we stand together or we fall separately. Reggie said in no uncertain terms that he is done playing keep away also; said it is too hard to remember who knew what and that what is not being said to whom doesn't make sense anyway."

Trying to unravel that last bit I asked, "Did what he said even make sense?"

I felt his hair brush me when he shook his head. "That's what Aston wanted to know. Bottom line Hon is that we're all in this together. It might take a little time to …"

"For them to get over me throwing hot gravy at them?"

"Well there's that but mostly it's we're thinking on different wavelengths. As a guy I can tell you I don't like being as wrong as we were. I don't like knowing how close I came to the important stuff falling apart. I don't like the feeling that Matt might have seen it happening or hope it happened and that he was as close as he was to being right yet again. It's going to make me feel … cautious … maybe a little …" His head dipped down and he brushed a kiss against a particular spot below my ear that tended to make me have a certain reaction. He whispered with a slight smile in his voice, "Maybe make me feel a little needy to make sure things are the way they should be." Not much of any sense got said after that and after a while we just fell asleep.

I woke up and the room was still dark due to the blackout curtains but it was the wrong body snuggled up next to mine. I started to sit up but Kelly whimpered sleepily, "Cold Widdie."

"Then stay under the covers where it's warm Bumble Bee." The fact that the wiggle worm did told me just how cold it was. I slid out of bed trying not to let any cold air under the quilts and then shimmied into my clothes as fast as I could; but it wasn't fast enough despite what appeared to be a new fire in the small wood stove in the corner of the room. I pulled the blackout curtain back and found frost on the wrong side of the window.

"Stay put Kelly. I need to find your daddy."

I had to put on a second pair of socks and my house slippers to keep my feet from hurting from how cold the bare spots on the floor were. I opened the door and found the hallway even colder and reclosed the door quickly not to let what heat there was out of the room. I heard voices downstairs and found everyone bundled up and Ginger looking at the ancient wood stove like she was about to do battle with it.

I told her, "Hold that thought. I'll help get Bertha up and running in a sec if someone will tell me why it is so cold in here."

I heard footsteps hurrying up from the basement. Jax frowned and asked, "Did Kelly wake you up?"

I shook my head and looked at the meter in his hand. "Breaker blown?"

"No," he said in frustration. "And it isn't just the furnace. There's no hot water, no gas to the stove, nothing. I was about to go check the shed. Water pressure in general is down so I think some of the pipes might have frozen as well but nothing stands out as obvious yet."

I started to panic. "The animals!"

"Easy Hon. Johnson got the wood stove started out there. They were cold but not dangerously so. King Kong is feisty enough; nearly took a chunk out of him when he moved the hay around to try and find him."

I shook my head. "That's why I haven't let Kelly out with him lately. He hates being cold and gets foul." I had calmed once I knew the animals would be OK. "Since you've checked everything inside I'm guessing it is one of the main valves from the fuel storage tank or a clogged vent. I'll help get … Jumping Jehoshaphat! … it's lunch time!" I yelped finally looking at the clock.

Ginger said, "Just show me how to get it started and I'll take it from there."

"I can …"

"Don't worry about it, just show me."

For a moment I worried that people didn't want to have anything to do with me as the previous day's events flooded my mind but at that moment Alexis came into the room in a good mood and bumped me. She must have read the look on my face because she said, "Don't be a dork. People are just trying to be nice."

My face reddening I said, "Oh … they don't need to be. I didn't … I mean …"

Ashley waddled into view and succinctly stopped my blathering by smiling and saying, "Shut up Lydie. All's well that ends well. No flagellation, OK?"

"Oh. O … kay. Wait. What did you just say?"

Reggie picked that moment to hop into the kitchen with wood for the stove and broke the moment by saying, "She was driving us all crazy trying to understand what she meant until she found the word she was looking for in the thesaurus. But whatever … just don't do it. It sounds painful and stupid. Stupid we don't need any more of. Pain is worth avoiding as well."

The rest of the day was a little like living in the twilight zone. Everyone seemed to go out of their way to make sure I understood that they weren't holding anything against me or we talked a few issues out. Everyone wanted to be a team and I was basically told to take a load off, sit down, and sketch out some ideas on how to build a radiofax. It felt really, really strange and more than a little uncomfortable but Reggie caught me off guard by saying let them do it as it was a way for them to exercise out some of the guilt they might be feeling for thinking such a rotten thing about me.

As for the cold in the house, a valve had indeed been cracked but luckily it had frozen over the broken area so we didn't lose too much gas, though enough that we'd have to change how we did things to stretch the gas as far as possible. We were also lucky that while some of the pipes had frozen, nothing ruptured in the house though we did have one break in a pipe out in the yard that had to be dug up, repaired, and then re-winterized. Doing all of that in the cold took its toll on top of all the emotionalism from the day before so we were all very tired; a good night's sleep was all we craved. The day after that we were more back to normal; unfortunately in more ways than one.

The cold had retreated a bit so Johnson and Aiden volunteered their free time that day to go see about bringing in some fallen limbs that could be cut down to use in the wood stove not so fondly called "Bertha" by everyone in the house. If you've ever accidentally bumped into an old wood stove – hot or cold – they have a tendency to not be kind. Bertha would see a lot of use to try and ease up on using the furnace. Having wood stoves running in bedrooms also used up a lot of wood and while we still had a pile from the paper mill more would always be good to have.

A downed tree had been spotted not too far off of the road about three miles from the Home Place when one of the last groups to go hunting had come from the direction opposite that would have normally taken us toward town. Out Johnson and Aiden go and five hours later – one hour later than they should have been – right as we decided to send a team after them they come back with both wood and another flying rat.

"Dang it!" I said nearly kicking the thing despite the fact that it was already in pieces.

Reggie pulled me back. "Don't stomp on it Lydie; I want to try and salvage some of the pieces."

"Salvage … !" I stopped and pulled my temper back. "Ok, fine. I suppose it would be a waste. Johnson, where exactly did you bring this thing down at?"

"About a mile from that old building that used to be Fowler's Bar and Grille."

"Near the road to the old trout farm?"

He nodded. Aiden asked, "What's the range on these things? We were three miles from here and it was coming from the general direction of town … not a beeline but still."

I gave it some thought. "The military ones are beyond belief, especially the ones they call predator drones. We won't even go there. This is more like a remote controlled helicopter or hovercraft … the other one looked more like a plane. That tells me someone is just kind of cobbling these things together. They're doing a good job but this still isn't military grade or even close to it … so forget the National Guard as well."

Jules said, "I thought we agreed that this was Matt's work."

I shook my head. "It could be Matt's work. It is likely that he knows about it or has a hand in it. But whether he is directing things we don't know for sure and I don't want to make any assumptions that might blow up in our faces. Speaking of which, here's something else that will just turn you all sorts of happy; someone with enough smarts could load this thing with Semtex or some other type of explosive, fly it in, and then detonate it without even having to be in the area to get their hands dirty."

That made everyone glance at the darkening sky. Reggie then asked, "And if they have night vision or heating seeking capabilities?"

I nodded agreeing with where he was going with it. "Yep. That could mean a night attack. The operator would still need to be within a mile or so of the drone however. We need to know where these things are coming from."


	45. The Empire Strikes Back Part 4

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 4

Despite the scary thoughts about what the drones – we referred to them as flying rats to take the edge off of our fear – were capable of, the rest of that week was spent constructively setting up the radiofax system with the Houchins Farm. I went on one of the first runs and asked to speak to Vernon alone when Jax was off with Junior running some cable. I'll admit I was nervous but I felt I was in the right and that it needed to be said.

Facing Vernon was nearly as hard as facing Mr. Houchins would have been. "Vernon, I know you aren't going to take this kindly. You're my dad's age or close enough that you aren't going to like someone my age – especially a girl – giving you a hard time. But I feel I need to say this … the next time you got a problem with me or are suspicious of me, talk to me about it instead of causing problems in my house."

I don't think he'd ever expected me to address it quite that directly. Caught off guard the large man said, "Now just wait one minute little girl."

My fear lending me even more stubbornness than I normally had I said, "No, I won't. In your home I won't ever tell you what to do but you caused heartache that didn't need to be for the people under my roof. It got very, very serious and downright ugly. I won't come right out and say you did it on purpose because I don't have any proof of that, but I could make a circumstantial case for it if push came to shove. Right now we enjoy good relations because I respect your folks because they were good friends with my dad and mom. That doesn't mean I don't remember how I got turned away at the gate when I didn't ask for nothing but friendship to keep from being lonesome. I'll always remember that because it keeps things in perspective when dealing with you and yours. And now I've got something for you to remember … we don't need you. It's nice to have you for friends but we don't need you. We may not be your equal in land and stuff but we can get along without you. And if we have to we will."

He was really angry. "Are you through?"

"No, I'm not finish digging this hole. See I set up this radiofax system just because I could. It might come in handy, it might not; that's up to you. I'm not asking anything in return for the work I did … not a trade, nothing. You asked and I delivered … but only because I could and also because I wanted to. You only have as much authority over us as we are willing to give, no more no less. And I'll refrain from being nasty and insinuating that if there is a spy that the odds are far more likely that it comes from your place than ours … but I could … and I would be right. And I'm sure you don't want that kind of noise floating around the farm given how destructive it could be to your cohesiveness both as a team and as a family."

"Why you little … You really think this is going to pass and there not be consequences for your mouth?"

"Oh, I know there will be consequences. I warned everyone at the Home Place what I was going to say and that you all might decide to take your ball and go home. They said they understood." That caught him off guard though he tried not to show it. "This needed saying because we are smaller and younger. It would be real easy for you to get the idea that you're doing us a favor by taking over and I'm here to tell you it just ain't gonna happen. And if this was some kinda test let me tell you it was a lame one. You and Lon think you know everything that Reggie and I can pull off? That the others are just gonna roll over 'cause you say so? Think again and I'm not bluffing. I won't ever throw in with any bad guys against you all … my parents would roll over in their graves at the very idea of that … but that doesn't mean we have to lend you a hand in that area either."

He growled, "All your talk is just that and makes me think being suspicious of you was the right thing to be rather than the wrong."

I shook my head. "Think what you want, all you want. Be suspicious and see what it buys you. But don't try the same thing again. I didn't deserve being treated like I was mentally damaged enough to turn on people that way. I was loyal and it hurt what you people did to me. I don't know why everyone keeps thinking that just because once upon a time I was more than friends with Matt that he still holds some kind of power over me or whatever. The fact that I have seen him for what he is now should make the opposite case. I'd be much more worried about someone that wasn't exposed to Matt not having any defenses to keep themselves from being manipulated and that isn't anyone under my roof, but more than a few under your authority sure could be described that way."

"You …" He was breathing like a bull but then he suddenly blinked and said mildly, "You've got a point."

He had changed tack so fast I nearly stumbled. "Huh?"

He twisted his lips which was probably about the closest thing to a smile he could muster at that moment. "I said you've got a point. I don't like you mouthing off at me but … but we'll call it even. I just better not catch you trying to cause problems for my family."

"I'm not the one that caused problems," I reminded him. "But I'll call it quits if you will."

I held out my hand to shake on it. He gave me the hairy eyeball but eventually stuck his hand out and shook on it. "You are going to give Jax an ulcer."

Being I was unwilling to comment on that type of statement we got back down to business. He asked, "You're willing to vouch for everyone you got under your roof?"

"Yes."

"Even those two females." Since I knew he was referring to Alexis and Gennie I nodded.

I said, "And speaking of which before I leave I need to talk to your momma or one of the other ladies around here. A couple of us girls think Gennie – the young one you met – might be even younger than fourteen."

Vernon's face was blank for a moment but then he growled something fowl about the gang members. "How sure are you and how much younger?"

"Pretty sure and maybe as young as eleven, it's kinda hard to tell. She wears make up like it's war paint but Janice … that's Johnsons' sister …"

Impatiently he said, "I know who she is."

"Anyway, Janice has seen her in … uh … let's just call it a locker room setting, and she says that Gennie doesn't look fourteen."

Vernon growled some more and then shook his head. "A couple of the boys around here were looking her over so I'll warn them off but you need to keep an eye on the girl."

My lip curled at the idea of the farm boys looking us girls over but I kept my thoughts to myself. I supposed it was going to happen but I didn't like it being said like we were cattle on the auction block.

"Vernon," I started tentatively.

"What?" he asked cautiously.

"Is … is there any other way that the townies could have gotten information from us besides a spy?"

He was going to blow the question off at first, I could tell; then, he gave it some honest consideration. "There's always ways to get information. Instead of a spy in our ranks we could have people spying on us. That could be literal eyes on us, cameras, listening devices, radar, interrogation of personnel, and so on … but most would be well beyond the capabilities of the refugees."

I nodded. "Fine but some of those I can come up with ways to do without really thinking about it too hard … and think maybe we ought to start exercising a few of them … so wouldn't it be possible that the townies have already gotten a jump on us by doing them too?"

He pointed to a chair in what they called the radio shack and indicated for me to sit. After I did he did as well and steepled his fingers. "Talk to me."

"I thought I was."

He snorted. "Talk to me now that I'm listening."

I sighed and grumbled a bit under my breath but managed to keep my opinion of his remark to myself. "They are already using cobbled together gizmos to use as drones. What they are using them for we don't know for sure. Maybe they are mapping locations for salvaging to save on gas and labor … or to prioritize various sites. Or maybe they are looking for people, maybe particular people." Neither one of us mentioned that the possibility was that Matt had been particularly looking for me. "Maybe they just want to know what is going on outside of town without having to put too much man power into it. Or maybe they are already spying on known locations and we are just now noticing. If that is the case it makes me wonder what else we've missed."

Vernon sighed and then got up and stuck his head out the door, sending one of the boys out in the yard scrambling to fetch Lon. He looked at me and said, "Hold that thought a minute."

After Lon arrived Vernon asked me to start at the top. Once I'd got to the point of possibly having missed other stuff they both looked serious. I continued, "Reggie has gone over the drones that have come down and they had wifi capable cameras but no listening capabilities, but might be night vision capable; they look like those cameras you could hook into a security system. Reggie and I are pretty sure they are limited to a distance of about one mile from their controller. That means that we've had someone out there spying, at least indirectly, and in my opinion getting a little too close to have not let their presence be known. So what else has this person … or persons … done and to what purpose?"

Lon shrugged and said, "Nothing is missing around the farm. Crops have been in for a couple of months. Food is locked up tight, even the feed for the animals. No animals have been rustled. No equipment has been sabotaged. Kids are all accounted for."

"OK. Then let's reverse it. If they aren't taking anything can they be leaving something? How secure is your potable water and/or the water for your livestock? Have you had any animals get sick lately? Had a sudden explosion in rodents when they should be hibernating? Have your fences needed an unusual amount of repair? Found fresh holes in the ground where they shouldn't be that could bring down the horses while someone is out riding the fence line? Found what looks to be old hunting blinds … or maybe those hunting cameras even?"

I was going to keep going but Vernon was looking at me and shaking his head. I asked him, "What?"

Lon chuckled and answered for the speechless man. "You're a mess girl. Vernon is old school and not used to little girlies being capable of what you apparently are."

I snorted. "Old school? Really? Women have been spies for centuries. It is precisely because men underestimate women that this can happen. Mata Hari, Sarah Emma Edmonds, Aphra Behn, Belle Boyd? Do those names ring a bell at all 'cause they should. The known list of female spies goes on and on so you know there has to be a lot of unacknowledged female spies that made a difference … and stop getting me off topic unless you are looking at a long history lecture. Let's just leave it at the fact that women can be just as spy-ish as men can be."

"Spy-ish," Lon said with another chuckle.

"Whatever. You know what I mean."

Vernon remained serious however. "Counter measures."

Lon looked at him and nodded. I had to ask, "What counter measures?"

"We have to assume that our security has been breached in some fashion. We need to get on the defensive – do a thorough scan of the area surrounding the farm – but we need to go on the offensive as well. We've got the manpower to pull it off, you don't."

I rolled my eyes. "We've had the land around the Home Place bugged for a while. We rotate shifts so no one single person is observing the equipment and we rotate the schedule so it would be next to impossible for anyone in the house to make an assignation unobserved … not impossible but very difficult. We also have the same area seriously boobied and only Reggie and I know where all of the traps are. Several places are no man's land because of this. Anyone thinking to sneak in would likely trip something and Reggie and I would know."

"How?"

I gave him a closed look and said, "Don't worry about it. We'd know."

Vernon and Lon looked at each other then Lon said, "I got the impression from Jax and the others that have come out here to help set the radiofax that suspicions didn't go over well at your place."

Vernon told him, "The less that is brought up the better. I need you to set up a schedule and to check the woods and byways. The farm is as secure as we can make it but I want a perimeter around the farm of at least fifty yards, wider as we go along. I'm getting tired of that itchy feeling between my shoulder blades."

Lon got up but before he left he gave me a smile and popped me on the head with his baseball cap. I was still huffing at the fact that he'd knocked my braids loose when Vernon asked, "Here's something we might not have taken seriously enough. What if they've got the town and surrounding areas bugged?"

I saw it as soon as he brought it up. "You're saying that when we were laying the boobies that they were already there, possibly watching for us to come?"

He nodded, "Or more than likely trying to keep an eye on their own. Our man Suicide didn't strike me as the trusting sort." When he saw me giving him the don't-even-go-there look he just humphed. "As you kids are fond of saying … whatever. Let's theorize for a moment that that is what happened and why we ran into an ambush. We need to know what, if anything, that could have been given away."

"Reggie and I don't talk when we are working and I – as you should remember – was not allowed to be part of the crews that laid the boobies." His nose flared so I just blew on through rather than rub it in. "Numbers, who's in charge, who is part of a couple, names, radio call signs, what method of transportation we were using, and any number of other things. I have no idea who gossips while they work, who doesn't, and what they might have said. Oh wait … men don't gossip, right?"

He surprised me with a grin. "Wrong. Men are as bad as women, we just don't call it that." His grin faded however as he continued. "But it gives me a lot to think about. We really have no way of knowing what the enemy knows and what they don't."

"So let's find out."

I gave him an innocent look and then he got a slightly evil grin on his face. "You know kid, I'm beginning to like the way you think."


	46. The Empire Strikes Back Part 5

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 5

"What do you want me to say? I told you so?"

Vernon growled, "Anything but that. Bad enough you were born smart … being born a smart aleck girl is gonna be more than I can handle right now … got it?"

I got it and while I did my level best not to say what I really, really wanted to say we both looked at a box full of miscellaneous, and now disabled, equipment. There were some cameras but notably they weren't Wi-Fi so that meant that someone was collecting by hand – or at least hand intended to – the data on the storage cards. Reggie was analyzing the cards on a lap top we had managed to salvage and upgrade and would let us know if they were date stamped and what they were of.

There were also dismantled boobie traps … although not real boobies as Reggie and I would have built them. The ones that were found were old hunting traps; the things honestly looked like old timey bear traps. They were real rusty so who knows where they found them, probably salvaging in great great Uncle Dismuke's basement. OK, that was a little facetious but it was the kind of thing that looked like they were grasping at straws.

Reggie came back in and made a face. "I don't know who set these things but most of the pics look like squirrels and birds set them off. And a couple of them were badly out of focus. A third was all fogged up like water had gotten in the casing. And no date stamp. What's up with this?" he complained.

Vernon and Lon sighed in relief. "We got lucky."

I shook my head after looking at Reggie. "No, it isn't luck. Whoever set these just got dumb and you benefited from it. I'm guessing whoever set these knows squat about the great outdoors. Sure as heck couldn't have been a hunter with any sense."

Reggie leaned against a porch railing and said, "I just can't see Matt making this kind of stupid mistake."

I shrugged, "And I keep telling folks we need to keep an open mind; it may not be Matt behind this stuff." At the sounds of impatient snorts all around me I said, "Geez. I'm not saying that it isn't. He fits Occam 's razor but other facts that we are looking at don't."

Cal asked, "Who's Occam and what do you mean his razor?"

Reggie answered, "Old dude from like the middle ages. Basically it is a line of reasoning that says the simplest answer is usually the correct one. If you have to think about it too hard and bend and twist to make it fit the known facts, then likely the answer isn't correct. Just don't get too attached your assumptions because that will foul you up too which I think is what Lydie is saying."

I shrugged. "Sure, I guess. It's just that all these assumptions about Matt … people act like he is Genghis Khan. He might be … but then again we don't have a lot of hard facts to prove the hypothesis."

"Yet," Lon said.

"Yet," I agree. "It isn't unreasonable to think Matt is behind everything that is going on but what if no one knew about Matt? Who would be the next most reasonable character you'd attach these acts to?"

Lon nodded. "Suicide and that new guy Baumgarten."

Vernon sighed and said almost reluctantly, "OK, so it's possible." It sounded like it was like pouring acid down his throat to get him to admit it. "So looking at this bunch of junk, where does that leave us? I don't see Baumgarten investing man hours or time into something this sloppy. Doesn't sound his style from what I remember of the gossip about him."

I noticed suddenly everyone looking at me. "Oh honestly, knock it off. I'm in the dark as much as you guys are. No, I wouldn't have thought that Matt would have done anything this sloppy. Is that what you want to hear? But it is doubtful that Matt actually laid any of this stuff with his own two hands. It might have been his idea based on whatever supplies he had at his disposal at the time but there are a lot of variables we don't have. When were these put in? Who put them in and under whose orders? Why were they put in? And frankly I don't know how to get the answers to those questions to add to what we already know which is whoever put these in didn't really know what they were doing."

Vernon asked, "Now who is jumping to conclusions?"

"Huh?"

And with way too much enjoyment he explained, "Like you said we don't know when these were installed. If the installer – whoever that may be – was working in much less than optimal conditions it could make it appear that an amateur had done the deed. Setting a camera at night would explain the lack of focus for day time shots. Fogged up lenses could be explained by it getting done in some of those freezing rains we've had."

Properly chastened I said, "Fine. Whatever. But at least now you know what I mean about too many assumptions and not enough facts."

Vernon gave a small smile that turned into a twinkle of a near laugh when Lon popped me on the head with his baseball cap. I turned and looked at him and said, "You know that isn't exactly something I like."

He just grinned and said, "I know."

I sighed and rolled my eyes but let it pass. I was actually relieved that we were back on better footing with the Houchins Farm. Which led to my next question. "Vernon, how's your daddy?"

The twinkle faded from his eyes. "'Bout the same. Momma told him not to go out in the rain but he insisted on supervising the boys. Hates to order someone to do something he isn't willing and able to do himself. Paying the price now though. Momma is worried it will turn into pneumonia before it's all over and for a man his age …"

Lon said, "Oh Lord, don't let anyone hear you say that. If it gets back to the Old Man …"

Vernon harrumphed but didn't say anything more. Reggie said, "And on that note we need to be heading out or we are gonna catch it from Jax."

I shrugged, trying to act like I wasn't willing to hurry to keep him from being a bear about it all. "He's just worried. Kelly has the sniffles and he isn't used to her being sick."

"Half the house as the sniffles," Reggie complained. "It's like living in the sick ward of a hospital. All the coughing and hacking and sneezing is enough to be heard from space."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head but gathered up my gear and said my goodbyes. Vernon said, "We'll send a fax to let them know you are on your way."

About a mile from the farm Reggie groans. "Pull over. All that tea. I gotta go."

"Are you serious?!" I asked on an exasperated laugh. "Why didn't you go at the farm?!"

"I know OK? You think I'm delighted think again. It's cold remember."

I tried not to giggle but obligingly pulled off the road into the bushes. Reggie jumped out but wasn't gone near long enough before he was yanking my door open and pulling me out. "Hey! Go take your own bathroom break, I don't have to go!"

"Shhh! Listen," he said while pointing up.

Sure enough I heard a buzz. It grew louder then faded to almost nothing before growing louder again. Reggie whispered, "They're looking for us."

I wanted to deny it but it wasn't beyond the realm of possibility that someone had the farm under surveillance and had spotted us and was trying to follow us home … or at least follow us to the reach of their signal. That's when we saw there were two of them. I said, "Crisscross search pattern. Much more professional than what they found on the perimeter of the farm. Makes me think that Suicide and/or Matt set up the stuff at the farm but someone … Matt and/or Delorey … has made some improvements."

Reggie nodded. "Or someone is learning from experience. We need to get word to Vernon and Lon."

Urgently I told him, "Use that scrambler and send them a coded message. Do the same to the Home Place. Who would be on duty right now?"

Reggie thought and then said, "Johnson … or maybe Aston … one of the two. Neither of them will panic if that's what you're worried about."

I shrugged. "I hope it is Aston. Johnson thinks of the girls first instead of starting the rest of the plan in the order we set it up."

"So tell him about it."

I shook my head. "I'm not the boss of you guys. I say something to Johnson he gets all prickly and then gives Jax a hard time. You tell Aston to warn him about it … or you and Aston and Jax say something to him. I don't want any more trouble."

Reggie bit his lip and looked at me strangely but then we both had to refocus on the drones above our heads. Reggie whispered, "They're flying lower and in tighter circles."

I sighed in irritation. "They know where we went off the road. Something is definitely up. Better get those messages out before we get too busy to send them."

While Reggie was on the radio I stayed hidden in the bushes. That's when I heard something with wheels crunching gravel on the road and I signaled to Reggie to hurry up and do it silently. He wiggled back over my way and muttered, "Crap. Now I really have to go."

I almost elbowed him but didn't want any accidents. I pointed to my ear and then the road and then my ear again to let Reggie know I'd heard something. We both checked our pistols and rechecked our rifles that were already out and in our hands with the safeties off. Then we heard the vehicle stop its engine and the sound of a door opening.

A voice too far away to identify but close enough to understand said, "I don't know how we lost them. If I knew we wouldn't have lost them in the first place."

Silence.

"Screw you. You're the one that thinks there is a brain trust out here living in a commune with all the comforts of home. I never thought Lydie was all that special."

Reggie and I both stiffened. I made to move forward to see who the speaker was but Reggie was just as adamant that I wouldn't. He signaled me to stay put while he crawled along the ground.

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever man. Mr. Baumgarten is in charge, not you. He said we could play your little game so long as it didn't take time and resources away from our jobs. I'm due back on shift in two hours. I don't show up, the work doesn't get done, and Mr. Baumgarten is gonna wanna know why. You gonna tell him?"

Silence.

"Like I said man, whatever. As soon as Jace and Donny meet up with me we're out of here."

I froze. Jace could be Jace Donahue; I knew he was amongst those students that had been left behind. Donny I was less sure of as the name didn't strike an immediate bell. About that time there was a scuff behind me and I rolled just in time to avoid a tree limb coming down where my head had been a moment before.

I was flattened as something … or should I say someone … landed on me hard, nearly knocking the wind out of me. An arm came around my throat from behind and started to choke me. I don't care who you are but if you haven't been trained not to panic when you can't breathe you are gonna have some adrenaline zinging through your veins.

Praying the person on my back didn't have on insulated pants I reached down and around and grabbed a handful of the crotch of the pants he was wearing. As luck would have it, he was a she. And the she laughed nastily in my ear with fetid breath, "Gotcha skank. I'm gonna get me that reward."

OK, so the first dirty pool tactic didn't work; I made sure the second one did. I managed to rip a sharp stick off of the tree branch and jabbed at the face behind mine. There was a shriek loud enough to wake anything hibernating within five miles. I rolled over and grabbed for my pistol at the same time. It took two jerks before I could free it from the holster but out it came … and so did a double tap of bullets, right into the chest of the woman who had been my attacker. I scrambled up, still trying to draw a clear breath. Over the ringing in my ears I hear noise off down at the road.

Quickly but cautiously I made my way down there but Reggie had secured the situation by the time I arrived. We looked at each other and then jumped as the radio squawked. "I'm getting tired of waiting. If this is some kind of infantile passive aggressive tactic Randall …"

I recognized that voice. So did Reggie. "Do we answer him?"

Seeing the devilment in Reggie's eyes made me almost want to but I said, "No. Let Matt guess what is going on. It will drive him crazier than anything we could say."

That made Reggie grin even bigger, this time in satisfaction. I was relieved. Reggie and Matt had never really gotten along. They ignored each other by mutual agreement while we were in school but I could see them becoming deadly enemies at this point and a personal vendetta we didn't need making things worse. Johnson and Aston were already in that category but we had it directed to more constructive pursuits. Reggie wouldn't intentionally do anything to hurt those of us at the Home Place but when he got nasty I wouldn't want to get in his way … I'd played on his side too many times not to know what he was capable of.

I rubbed my throat and then thought to ask him, "You hurt?"

"Naw. You?"

"Stiff," I said stretching my neck. "Some woman caught me from behind."

"She the double tap I heard?"

"Yeah. Sorry about the noise but she was hard up to win some type of reward."

Reggie nodded. "Yeah. Heard Randy … that's who was driving, Jace Donahue is down in the ditch over there … say something along that line to Matt. Said it was the only reason he was out here. Well, it got him killed."

I saw the look on Reggie's face and then remembered he and Randy had hung out at the paintball field together sometimes. "You OK?"

"Yeah. He wasn't who he used to be. Let's just get things cleaned up and get out of here before Matt decides to send someone out here to find out what is going on."

We dumped the bodies in the bed of the truck … it would be easier to wash out than the car's trunk … and then gathered up the little drones. "Didja check to make sure there were no homing devices?" Reggie asked.

"I didn't see anything. You look too. What's in your hand?"

"The reason I asked," he answered, showing me a small plastic box. "It was under the car's hood. I don't know if it is a homing device or not but I disabled whatever it is. No sense in taking chances."

I said, "Looks like an automatic garage door opener thingie."

"I know, which means it either has a signal going in or coming out. Better to turn it off until I can figure out what it is."

Reggie said he'd drive the old beater while I took the truck. Before we got back going where we were going we radioed home and let them radiofax the farm. While he was outwardly calm I could hear the polish coming off of Jax's teeth when he said not to lose any more time.

Reggie looked at me and smiled, "Lucy, you got some 'splainin' to do when you get home."

"Oh shut up."


	47. The Empire Strikes Back Part 6

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 6

"So … why the heck does ol' Mattie want you so bad anyway?"

"Gennie if I knew that I'd be able to address this idiocy better."

With absolute faith in her logic she asked me, "Then why don't you ask him and then go tell him to …"

Aware of Gennie's limited vocabulary choices when she was in this mood I quickly interrupted her since I didn't want Kelly repeating those particular words. "Because asking him would be like admitting that I was thinking about him."

"But you are."

I shook my head as I continued to muck out the barn. "Not the way he is going to take it. I also don't want to give him any information until I know the best way to phrase things."

She rolled her eyes. "You are making this way too complicated. Just tell him to go **** himself."

"Gennie!" I yelped, scandalized despite my age to hear that word come out of someone hers.

"Geez, you're not my mother," she said with attitude turned up to high.

"For which I'm sure we're both grateful thank you very much. But I am trying to be a mother to Kelly and she's like that blasted parrot … she repeats everything she hears, usually choosing whatever is going to make other people squawks the loudest. I might not be able to tell you how to think but I'll be doggone if I'm going to put up with you using that mouth of yours like that around Kelly … so knock it off."

Praying that I hadn't given my parents half as much attitude as Gennie gave me I watched her sachet back to the house like my words had about as much worth to her as manure stuck to the bottom of her shoe. I heard a snicker and turned around with a scowl only to have it melt into a relieved grin. "How long have you been standing there Jax?"

"You mean how long have I been hiding from that little witch on wheels?"

I laughed but felt forced to say, "She's not that bad."

"That's not what you were saying the other day. It is getting to where even Johnson sighs when he sees her coming." I rolled my eyes while he pushed Kelly a few times to get her swing going. He looked at me and then more seriously asked, "You still mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you."

"You were."

"No. I was mad at the situation. You just … just kinda made it harder to take. I knew finding out that Matt had some wild hair for some reason was going to force me to be more cautious … maybe to the point of restricting my movements again. What I hadn't expected is for you to feel the need to go all caveman and tell me so in front of everyone else after we'd already had a bit of a tiff over me getting a little bruised up by Donny the Viking Wench's headlock."

He snorted, "What you call a little bruised up I call near strangulation. You had minor petechial spots all over your face … you called it a strawberry rash of all things. Your jaw and neck were bruised. You still have a bruise from where that crazy female put her knees into your kidney for leverage to choke you. And whether you admit it or not you were shaking enough that you hid your hands in your coat pockets while you told me what had happened. So don't give me the it-was-no-big-deal crap."

Sighing I told him, "Don't shout, you're upsetting Kelly. And I didn't say it was no big deal. What I said was that a reward was a stupid reason to die. And I meant her, not me. She didn't want me dead, just incapacitated so she could haul me back. I wasn't going to be hauled back regardless of the reason why or to whom. To Matt I assume, but even that we don't have enough real information on. Speaking of which was that Reggie I heard? Did he and Jules learn anything new?"

Jax made his own special sound, something between a snort and a sigh, when he was getting frustrated with me. "Don't change the subject. Are you mad at me or not?"

I leaned the manure shovel against one of the stalls and then walked over and kissed him as best I could considering everything but my lips wasn't exactly touchable. "I already told you, it was never you I was mad at." Stepping away quickly before I got him dirty I went back to what I was doing. "You just don't need to treat me like I'm Kelly's age. I already knew what the new information meant. I didn't need it spelled out for me like that and I certainly didn't need it done in front of everyone else. I already have enough trouble with respect as it is; I don't need you acting like I don't deserve any either."

Surprised he said, "What?! Hey no, that's not what I meant."

I looked at him and said, "I know, that's why I'm not mad. But that's not how other people take it. Next time you get scared for my safety or whatever and feel the need to flay something … especially me … do it in private. That's all I'm asking."

He leaned back against the wall of the barn. The look he had on his face wasn't exactly contrite but it was conciliatory. "I know. It's just when I saw your face and then heard what had happened I was so mad at Matt … and I told you I wouldn't …" He blew air out through his puckered lips. "So much for being more careful about giving you reason to set your temper off."

That's straightened me back up. "Jax, you are not responsible for whether I keep a hold of my temper … the ears or the tail end of it. That's me and me alone. Don't make me feel worse than I still do about losing it in front of everyone."

"I didn't mean that."

"Maybe not but it is why you feel bad now, or at least part of it. I'm doing my best not to let things get to me like I was. I think the two of us are OK, understand? I just mean that everyone else is my friend but … but they don't … look …" I shook my head and looked at the roof of the barn and silently agreed with Mom when she had said that Dad had gotten a kid just like him … me … and that I had the same problems getting along with people he had; maybe not as bad but the ground work was there and it was up to me to decide whether I was gonna be Dad's clone or whether I was going to pick my own path. "Jax I don't like it when people … people think and act like … like I haven't got any sense. I may act like I don't have any sense on occasion but usually I've got enough brains not to do it so that it will endanger other people. When you … when you get all over me in front of the others I can see how it makes them start to … start to question my commonsense or question whether I'm the weak link in their survival plans. I try and ignore it – just like I try and ignore Gennie when she acts like she has a lot more experience in the world than I do – but when you upbraid me in public it makes it harder to put people at their ease around me. Being avoided because you are smart is one thing – I dealt with that in school and am used to it – but being tip toed around because people think you are dumb as a stump and they are afraid you are going to do something that gets them hurt if not killed is a different set up completely."

He shook his head. "You're exaggerating, none of us think that."

"Like heck you all don't!" I told him. "You'll be talking about Matt or something along those lines and as soon as I walk into the room or come near you all shut up or change the subject."

"It isn't like that but to be honest you're insistence that Matt is innocent doesn't help."

Rolling my eyes I told him, "For the last flaming time I'm not insisting that Matt is innocent. What I'm insisting on is good investigative research that gives us facts and not assumptions. There's a huge difference. We don't have enough facts that simply drawing the conclusion that Matt is behind everything doesn't make sense at this point. The possibility exists that he is but if he is, and we haven't misread the known facts, then the difference in behavior from how he was known to operate in the past is just as important as the fact that he is in charge of what is going on now."

Gennie had reappeared and entered the conversation without invitation. In a snotty voice said, "That's stupid and doesn't make any sense."

Reggie and Ginger had followed her out. Ginger looked like she was about ready to kick her in the butt but Reggie crossed his arms and said, "Then I guess that shows what you know Brat. What Lydie is talking about is the difference between tactics and strategy."

Gennie snorted. "They're the same thing."

"Wrong. Tactics is what you use during a battle. Strategy is planning which tactics to use so you get a desirable outcome."

"That's easy," Gennie breezed. "Just throw everything we have at them, take them out, end of story. They're all dead."

The last phrase was said with such relish it reinforced in my mind that while Gennie may have been a brat, she was a damaged brat and that it wasn't her fault. "Gennie," I said trying not to sound overly gentle and set her off. "There's always been bad guys. There's always going to be bad guys. If we throw everything we have at the town right now we'll have nothing left for anyone that takes their place."

"No! If they're all dead then it's over with. Things can go back to the way they were."

I wasn't getting any help from the others that had just started to clue into the fantasy that Gennie had obviously been living in her head. Treading carefully I told her, "Sweetie, things are never going back to the way they were. If we are careful and handle things right, we can make them better than they are now … but it will never be exactly the way things were before no matter how much we want them to."

"You don't know that," she snapped. "You can't even figure out what that freak in town is doing so how can you know things won't go back to where they were. I mean Suicide is probably dead so that has to make things better."

Sighing I said, "Suicide may be dead but a guy named Delorey Baumgarten has taken his place and he is worse than Suicide. Suicide was just a local gang banger that got too big for his britches. Delorey is a lot more powerful than Suicide was even capable of thinking and has a lot of powerful friends; he's at least state wide in his connections and may be even regional by now. Who knows? And another thing is even if we do manage to clear the town there is still a war going on … one on this country's soil and an international war … I guess they are starting to call it a World War. Until all of that is resolved … if it gets resolved … we don't know what kind of shape things are going to be in in the end. We can have a goal but we have to make it a realistic one."

Nastily in a tone meaning to hurt she said, "You mean that it isn't realistic to kill your old boyfriend."

I shrugged. "It may come down to that. I don't know. That isn't going to make things go back the way they were before for anyone."

"Why not?!" she demanded.

She was as close to tears as I had ever seen her so I couldn't just say, because your family is all dead chika so I said, "Because too many pieces of the puzzle are missing and aren't coming back."

She looked at me and it felt like all of her anger was focused in that one glance. She needed someone to blame and someone to fix things and she was furious I was bursting the fantasy she had built to console herself with. "You don't know anything!" she screamed.

Quietly I told her, "You're sorta right. I don't know what it is like to go through what you've gone through. But I do know what it is like to have your family's life snuffed out and then try and figure out how to keep going on your own. I can't help you with the first but with the rest of it I can tell you what mistakes not to make so you do things better than I did."

She was too mad to hear anything, too broken. She turned around and tried to run but Johnson and Alexis were right there. She fought them for a moment but then went limp in Alexis' arms and allowed herself to be led back to the house. Johnson said defensively, "The kid's messed up."

Reggie rolled his eyes and said, "No kidding."

"Reggie," I said catching his attention. "Let's not go there OK? Remember what a wreck I was after my family was killed. You all – most of you all anyway – gave me some space to let me be a freak for a while. Let's try and do the same for Gennie."

It was Ginger that said, "We might not be able to Lydie. You said yourself that things are different and aren't going back to the way they were. She's gotta start getting it together. Aiden complains she constantly wants to mess with the radio to look for music because she says there isn't anything decent to listen to in the house. Ash and I have both caught her scrounging in the pantry for something to eat after she turned up her nose at what got put on the table at meal times. She's really mad that there isn't anything quick to eat like junk food and stuff, wants to know why we have to cook everything from scratch."

I sighed. "Look, I'm the first to admit that …"

Then Jax interrupted, "The crap with the radio stops right now." I jumped at the unexpected tone of his voice then looked at his face and Mr. Remington was on the scene, large and in charge. Not even I messed with him when he got like that. "Locks are on the food cabinets and they are supposed to be kept that way. They are there for Kelly's safety but if I have to key lock them because Gennie can't follow the house rules I will. Johnson you make sure that she and Alexis understand that and understand why if they don't already."

Johnson said, "Alexis gets it. She's trying to help Gennie but the kid is getting beyond her. If you got answers I'm listening."

About as serious as I'd ever heard him Jax said, "You don't want to hear what my solution will be if Gennie doesn't start trying. I am not bluffing. If you can't or won't tell them that then I will. This is not a frickin' playground man. I've got a kid to take care of. Ashley is going to pop in a couple of months too. Gennie does not do crap like mess with the radio which could compromise it; our lives might depend on knowing what is going on in the world and that is our primary link. I don't want to find out she has picked up a radio pal or whatever either; someone could triangulate our signal and find out where we are. And another thing, I am not going to watch my kid starve in the spring because Miss 'Tude has the munchies now. Ain't happening. Furthermore, I'm not having Lydie be …"

I stopped whatever he was going to say by leaning my head on his shoulder and saying, "I know Jax. It doesn't need to be said for me to know it."

He looked deep into my eyes and said, "I'm glad Hon but maybe other people need to hear me say it to know it. No more of this stuff going on."

Surprisingly Johnson said, "I'm with ya man. It only puts points on the wrong side of the score board."

Before we could continue down a depressing path Reggie asked, "You said anything to her yet?"

I looked at Reggie and then at Jax and tried not to stiffen. "Got side tracked," he admitted. I noticed he was still relaxed so it couldn't be too bad I told myself.

"Alright, so what is it I don't know?" There was an unspoken "this time" on the end of my question that had Jax looking at me closely before answering.

"We now have confirmation that the guy called Suicide is dead. Lon was able to get close enough to observe and identify him as one of the bodies hanging from River Road bridge. Some of his tats were still visible though not many." We'd all seen the pictures that Reggie had brought back from one of his recon trips. To call them disturbing didn't even start to cover it. "Looks like Baumgarten is taking a page from the Mexican cartels which more than likely means that he is still in the drug trade; but, that's not all he is into."

Reggie continued the narrative. "Lon and Vernon have finally figured out the code they're using and our little burg is now a dot on a pretty good sized trade route for the black marketeers. They've managed to shut down most of the honest bartering centers and now you either deal with his organization or you don't deal, period. Local militia is looking the other way because they are getting a cut, might be the same for the local National Guard units. No confirmation on that yet."

"Well that's just great news," I muttered. "Got anything to top that?"

Reggie got uncomfortable and looked every place else but me. I sighed in resignation and turned to look at Jax. "What now?" I said sounding suspiciously like I was whining.

Jax got a closed look on his face but explained although it sounded like he was doing it while chewing glass. "Matt. Playing games again. Love story of the century. You are the princess to his prince. Apparently you are being held captive by evil forces and he is building an army to save you so that you can reign with him and you can build some kind of geek-y paradise where everyone will be happy after you and he are established as king and queen."

When I could rehinge my mouth from where it had fallen open in shock I just about screeched, "And that's the best explanation that jerk could come up with for why I'm not biting his ridiculous bait on the radio?! Can his ego possibly be any bigger?! I am soooooo lucky he dumped me. I swear I would have been crazy or dead by now if I had gone ahead with my plan to invite him out here. Oh … my … gosh!"

I was literally stomping around I was so mad and probably would have continued for a while if Kelly hadn't laughed and squealed, "Up, up, up Widdie! I wanna dance toooooo! Up Widdie! Pick me up!"

I stopped in mid stomp and turned to look at everyone. "Jax was picking up Kelly to keep her from bringing the roof down. Despite his own upset he was fighting back a smile. Reggie wasn't even bothering to hide his. Johnson being Johnson merely looked at me with his eyebrows all up in his hair line. Ginger giggled and said, "You looked like you were doing the hamster dance."

I stuck tongue out at her in particular and everyone else in general, stuck my nose in the air, and grabbed the manure shovel and went back to work refusing to join in their joking. Eventually the others grew tired of their own silliness and went back inside; Ginger took Kelly so that Jax could stay and smooth my ruffled feathers. "Hon, you did look kinda … er … strange."

"Well the energy had to go somewhere; better it go in the floor through stomping than into words that I might regret later." Huffing a bit I said, "I can't believe … I mean … geez Louise …"

"Easy. No one was laughing at you … well, not to be mean anyway."

"Huh? No, not that … I mean what kind of idiot game is Matt playing at? Matt is smart for sure but I'm beginning to wonder how mentally and emotionally balanced that boy is. I used to think I was just lucky I wound up with you instead of him, now I'm thinking that I was more than just lucky. I have to be blessed, this has to be some part of some intelligent design; no one gets this lucky on accident."

That got me a hot kiss. Out of the blue he asks, "Mind if when we're alone I call you Mrs. Remington sometimes?"

He'd caught me off guard enough that I blushed which isn't something I normally do. "You … uh … you want to?"

"Uh huh, I do."

"Um … ok … but only if you want to. I know nothing is … you know … official and I … I don't want you to feel like … like you have to … and …"

Jax got in my personal space and said, "It's official in my book. What about yours?"

Looking at the buttons on his coat I admitted, "If I didn't think of it like that we wouldn't be doing what we do when Kelly goes to sleep."

"That's what I figured," he said sounding very male and very satisfied. "I just wanted you to know that I consider it official too. And even if I get bent over the things Matt is saying I want you to know that I trust you. No more of that thinking what you used to think."

That explained it so I relaxed. "I know that. I told you, I'm over it."

"And I want you to stay over it so I'm doing my part. I don't like what Matt is saying … the jerk … but I don't blame you for it and I don't think you are going to fall for it. OK?"

"OK," I told him.

"Good. Want to hear the rest?"

Giving him a sideways look as he helped me spread fresh straw and hay under the rabbit hutches to catch their droppings I asked in trepidation, "There's more?"

He sighed. "Yeah. They definitely have the dam at least partially up and running. Baumgarten seems to be financing things – or handling the finances – and as they increase energy output it sounds like he is going to charge local communities a … let's call it protection money … to make sure their electric doesn't get interrupted. He is also putting in what looks like bunkers and other fortifications, especially along the river and the primary roads in and out of town. As far as we can tell he isn't living in town right now, hasn't even been back since he took out Suicide, but some of his big hired guns are and they run a tight ship. They are really hardening the town; and Vernon thinks one of the latest messages mean that they will begin bringing in more refugees to operate whatever manufacturing they are setting up at the old mill."

"Not the paper mill?"

He shook his head. "But they've stripped the paper mill – I'm now even gladder we took what we did when we did it – and moved a lot of equipment into the city limits. They have concertina wire from some place and laid it so that that even inside the city limits you have check points you have to go through to get from place to place. They've made a lot of repairs to the old warehouses that line the river in the historic district. Houses and buildings outside the city limits are being stripped and stuff brought to the newly rehabbed warehouses. It's like they're cannibalizing the outskirts of town for trade goods."

Thoughtfully I said, "Now that does sound like Matt." After another moment I said, "Try this on for size. Matt made the big plans but he didn't have the ability to implement them. At first he was in the development stage and didn't have the people. Then when the labor force showed up in the form of the refugees he didn't have the authority or might to make them do what he wanted them to do. The refugees already had leaders of a sort but they were really just kind of primitive and inefficient in their approach. Matt backtracks a bit and starts manipulating the situation so that he may have not been king in fact, but he was king in deed. But that fell apart as the infighting got out of Matt's control and they were so vulnerable that an outsider – in the form of Delorey Baumgarten – shows up and takes over. Matt is back to square one but has now learned how to climb the ladder of success and worms his way into Delorey's good graces … may have already been there and siding with him before Suicide was taken out; I'm not sure how deep Matt's play goes. Delorey, unfortunately for us, has just enough smarts to know who to hire to make him look good; because, while Delorey is brutal and intelligent in a savage kind of way, he isn't what you would call smart in a traditional academic sense."

Consideringly Jax said, "No, Delorey isn't smart in the academic sense but he does have vision. I can see him looking at Matt's plans … if that is what we are talking about here … and saying to himself, hire this guy before someone else does. As incentive to keep him loyal I'll even let him play his stupid game about the girl … but he still works for me and he'll either know it or I'll just kill him and find some other smart guy to finish his plans."

I nodded, "Yeah, exactly. If this is what is happening Matt is playing a very deep and dangerous game. Delorey is no one to fool with, games won't work with him. You either provide results for him or you stop drawing breath."

Jax and I looked at each other and both of us were worried. "Jax, this is getting a lot bigger than I ever figured on it being."

He nodded, "Lon and Vern aren't real happy with the direction things are taking either. We need another committee meeting to bring everyone up to speed on all the different projects we have going and to hash out some new ones that need to get done as soon as possible."

Nodding I thought to ask, "How's Mr. Houchins?"

"Better. Or at least that's what Lon says. He'll be a while getting his strength back, maybe not until spring, but he seems to be on the mend. He seems easier in spirit now that he's heard from his boys that their wheat crop is coming back from the bad freezes we had."

I nodded knowing the feeling. "Ours is too. It might be early July before we can harvest but baring anything else happening I think we'll be OK. I'm hoping to get forty bushels an acre, at five acres that is two hundred bushels for us. I know that sounds like a lot but with all the people we are feeding it will go quicker than you think. We also need to hold back seed for planting … about two bushel per acre to be planted."

"When did you say you want to get the corn in the ground?"

"First week of April assuming we aren't at war … and even if we are we'll still have to figure something out. I need feed for the animals and I need time to get more grain dried so that we can have corn meal."

"Ok, I know there's more but hold the rest of it until the committee meeting and bring your notes. We'll need to figure out when we need to have our other projects finished so that they don't interfere with planting and harvesting."

I chuffed an ironic laugh. Jax asked, "What?"

"That's the way they used to do things in the old days. If you wanted to keep your soldiers you had to work around the farming schedule otherwise you'd have a lot of 'em going AWOL so that they could keep their families fed. For most of the world eating is a lot more important than making war."

Jax nodded. "And that's why they'll follow whoever can fill their belly which is likely going to be what we are up against as well if we try and go after Baumgarten through the refugees in town. People want the lights to work and the trucks to move. If he and Matt can pull that off a lot of them won't care that they are paying the devil to do it."


	48. The Empire Strikes Back Part 7

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 7

I stopped to take a drink from the canteen that Jax had given me that morning before I started putting the corn in the ground. He had planned drill the seeds himself but was frankly so exhausted I wasn't sure he could drive a straight row. It had been a long, hard winter for everyone and when I say everyone I mean everyone. Our group, the Houchins farm, the town, the country, the world. Everyone was a mess but not necessarily all for the same reasons.

I had planned to get the corn in the ground the first week of April; however, because it took longer for the snow to melt, and there being more of it than norm, once it did melt it left a muddy mess behind. Creeks, streams, and all other bodies of water were well over their normal high water mark for the time of year. By rights the field was still damper than I would have normally put the seed into but frankly there wasn't a lot of choice. Just as the wheat had started to look like a bumper crop the wet weather had wreaked havoc and we were looking at a loss of at least 30% of the crop before we could even start to harvest. It was a devastating blow to our overall plans and a disaster I had no way of mitigating. The wet ground had also delayed planting the early crops of greens in the garden as well.

The weather and having to be out in it had also weakened everyone's immune system. What started out as a cold had put Kelly to bed for almost two weeks freaking Jax out completely. Everyone was down off and on with something. Johnson had to have an infected molar pulled and that was neither fun nor easy. Aiden got a black eye during that scene and it is just now fading away completely. Any number of other things made more work than they otherwise would have from sickness to chores.

Ginger and I spent a lot of time gathering what early greens we could find in the surrounding woods but the cold, wet weather had delayed much of the wild forage too. We had to balance the time spent gathering with how much we brought in. A couple of hours to bring in one pot of greens that would feed everyone was not a doable, daily activity. We combed my mother's recipe files and decided that we would use what greens we could for two primary purposes; to make a green broth to help keep everyone healthy – or at least healthier – and to piece out meals like omelets, quiches, and adding greens to the few grains that we decided we could eat in bulk. It was a good thing that I hadn't culled any of the birds because we needed every one of the fewer and fewer eggs we collected to try and keep protein in our diet. We hunted when we could but that took away from other things that needed to be done. It wasn't a perfect solution but it was better than doing nothing at all.

On the other hand even if the weather and ground hadn't felt like it was conspiring against us life would have been challenging. Ashley went into labor almost a month early and had a difficult labor and delivery. It was a month before any of us felt we could breathe easy. At planting time Ashley was still recuperating. I don't even want to think what would have happened if one of the nanny goats hadn't birthed out of season from the others because at first Ashley was simply too weak to nurse and even once she began to heal her milk barely came in. What milk there was didn't satisfy the baby and as a result he wasn't thriving at all. Even once we figured out how to provide him a type of "formula" using the goat's milk – thanks mostly to Mrs. Houchins – the baby remained small. When I took my turn watching him to make sure he didn't start to have trouble breathing which he had done for about a week after his birth he reminded me more of a spud in the potato drawer than a newborn.

I don't mean that the way it will likely be taken by many in this day and age of high tech interference with mother nature but back then that is exactly the way that little baby looked … at least until he put on a few pounds and developed a personality. Before that I wasn't the only one that wondered if the boy did survive if he was going to have serious issues but none of us said it aloud. There were many nights when I took my turn monitoring him – as a form of respite for Aston who was torn between Ashely and his son to the point of putting his own health at risk – that I wondered how we were going to meet the baby's needs and it brought back nightmares of Will's illness. I kept my opinions and thoughts to myself and to this day I am glad that I did, very glad. Because I was wrong. At about a month old the baby not only developed a personality but he developed a set of lungs on him. And his crying triggered Ashley's milk supply to increase, which increased her need to nurse more frequently which in turn also seemed to help her to heal internally and stop the bleeding she experienced if she did much more than get up and try to tend to her personal needs and those of the baby. It was a blessing none of us took for granted.

But all of that just added to our problems of too little manpower for the projects we had planned. All of that criticism the others had heaped on me over the early winter fell by the wayside as they came to understand and to see that time was a resource just like any other and that you had to spend it wisely to get the most return for your input. Ideas of beehives and worm farms and all of the other bits of window dressing that would have been nice were left in folders labeled "nice to have" while all of the plans for what we needed were addressed the best we could; and even for what we needed there wasn't enough time.

In addition to planting there was recon, hunting, moving the boobies around the home place in danger of being flooded out, replacing the ones that had been destroyed or made useless by the floods, building multiple outhouses when the house's septic field became saturated by the flood, and target practice.

And when I say target practice I don't mean that everyone was outside plinking cans to make their aim better. No, this target practice started up about the time that the flooding finally began to subside. Drones. Reggie and I had discussed and then presented our conclusions to our group and then a group led by Vern and Lon from the Houchins compound.

Starting the tractor back up I drove and went over the meeting concerning our latest problem. Reggie opened the discussion by asking, "Have you noticed an increase in air traffic around your place?"

Lon answered, "You could say that."

Vern nodded, "They're getting bolder."

Reggie looked at me and I sighed. "Why am I the one that has to explain?"

"Because you know him best."

Out of patience with the topic I snapped, "Will people stop saying that?! Maybe I used to but I certainly don't anymore."

Vern snapped right back, "Stop whining. Start explaining."

I rolled my eyes and said, "I'm not whining. I just get tired of it all. We're all tired of it all."

Reggie interrupted and said, "Cut her some slack. Gennie is really riding her. Thinks if we just take out Matt that life will return to what it used to be. She won't shut up about it no matter how many times it gets explained to her. And she winds up blaming Lydie every time."

"Gennie is the young one?"

Rolling my neck to get rid of some of the tension I said, "Yeah. Kid is damaged. I'm trying to … to … to do whatever you are supposed to do for people when they've had it bad and just aren't in a place to understand but my patience is wearing thin. If it isn't her opinion it is her attitude and if it isn't those two it is her … "

"Intentionally disobeying," Reggie finished for me. "Just table it for now Lydie and stay on track. We need to get back."

I nodded and tried. "I don't think this is just about me anymore. You've heard how everyone everywhere is running into shortages."

"They were doing that before."

Nodding I said, "Yeah, but fatalities and attrition from the war, infrastructure failure, and acts of terrorism knocked the population back and made room for salvaging operations to, if not make up the difference at least give people the illusion that there was more cushion in the pipeline than there was. But the bones have pretty well been picked clean. I'm guessing they are bleached dry and white they are so picked over."

Lon nodded in agreement. "Yeah. We figured as much was going to happen. That's why we've been getting crops in the ground and everything else Dad has scheduled. We don't plan on suffering the same consequences for them rose-colored glasses."

I responded, "Goody. So are we. But there are huge populations of people that believe it or not are still waiting for other people to go get what they need and bring it to them. Most of them expect the government to get it for them. More and more don't seem to care who gets it for them, they just want someone to do it for them. Only there are very few places for people to get anything from. And those that have something are guarding it against those that would desire to take it from them."

Proving how much of a grouch he could be … or maybe how tired he was … Vern grumbled, "We know all of this, get to the point."

I observed that we weren't the only ones running short of sleep and getting cranky. I grabbed my temper in both hands and tried to explain. "I've been saying all along that Matt might not be completely in charge. Even if he is, this whole battling the orcs to rescue the fair maiden is probably not his primary objective."

"Not this again."

"Yes. This again. Now let me finish. I'm not saying that Matt isn't deep into some fantasy where I am concerned though I have my doubts. However, these drones serve a more serious purpose … or they likely do I mean. Geez," I said trying not to grind my teeth in frustration. "If you didn't know me or about me and if you didn't know about Matt but all the other facts remained the same, what would these drones signify to you?"

Lon nodded. "They're scouting for supplies as close to home as they can get. They know we have something they want … food and other supplies."

"Women too," Reggie said.

Vern growled but agreed. "Sure. Given their reputation I can agree with that."

Continuing I said, "Our recons have seen burial pits. They are suffering the same kind of attrition as everyone else. It has softened the blow but hasn't stopped it from happening. The people in town don't look good, not even the top dogs that were left behind by Delorey. And speaking of … we haven't heard anything from him in almost three weeks. Something is up. I don't have any facts beyond this to support it but something is definitely up."

"Delorey could be explained as he has a project going someplace else."

"Yeah sure," Reggie agreed. "And we aren't saying it is definitely a dot on the map but after regular weekly contacts – sometimes even more often than that – with those in town to go three weeks with nothing just seems more than strange. The fact that it coincides with the uptick in drone activity makes it more suspicious."

"They could have found a different way to communicate."

"Could have," I agreed. "Definitely a possibility. But what about the riot in that town that we were all positive belonged to Delorey? What about Chattanooga blowing up, another one we were sure was under the control of Delorey? And Nashville? That was definitely Delorey's territory and there's been noise of some new guy running most of the city."

Lon and Vern looked at each other and nodded. "Yeah. Yeah we've considered there's a problem with Delorey's people but that would mean the lack of communication could just be a result of him needing to spend time retaking territory, maybe dealing with a dust up."

Reggie and I nodded. "Sure. Possible. Maybe even likely. But then who has the keys to town to start changing how things are being run?"

I added, "Like Reggie said, sure, the drones were there before the weather got too bad to run them but who is giving the orders to start back up and where are those orders coming from? In town? Out of town? Even if you don't consider it a change it is still an escalation and Delorey isn't the type to turn that kind of control over to anyone else."

"He's never had a territory this big to control."

I scratched my head with both hands in frustration. "You're right but there are too many questions that need answering. I don't want to get surprised by another attack. The last one was bad enough."

"Recon hasn't shown them to have the manpower to try that again."

"Maybe, assuming they don't get outside help," I reminded them. "But modern warfare isn't just about frontal assaults. Shock and awe is only good for so much. If they can use the drones for their own recon they could also use them in modified attack plans that might weaken us just enough or … or there are lots of things they can do but will they? Or will they try something totally different? For all we know they might even be prepared to trade. A fight would mean that they could actually destroy what they need. We have to figure out which way they are most likely to jump."

The meeting hadn't concluded with any concrete decisions except to step up recon and start looking for specific things that would prove that there was a new Big Bad in town. I was heading back to the barn after a long day when I saw Jax running towards me. In alarm I downshifted but he jumped onto the steps and told me to keep going to the barn.

"Is … is it Ash? Or …?"

Jax shook his head grimly. "You and Reggie had it right. A report coming out of Chattanooga let slip that Delorey annoyed the wrong someone and the military excised him."

I let that sink in as I pulled into the barn and shut the tractor down. Then I asked, "What do they mean by excised?"

"Sounds like it was a targeted attack. He, the group with him, and a corrupt militia group was captured, tried, and executed less than a month ago. They didn't give an exact date but it is close enough to the change in tactics from town that we can figure there is a new big dog running the show."

"Do the Houchins know?"

"They do now."

"I suppose the question everyone expects me to answer now is whether Matt is going to play King Maker again … or if he is going to usurp the crown outright."


	49. The Empire Strikes Back Part 8

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 8

Even looking back, I can say without doubt that there is no way that I ever gave anyone, including my parents, as hard a time as Gennie gave me back then. All things considered I'd like to say she wasn't as bad as she was but frankly … she was. I've never been able to decide if it was her real personality, her age, the trauma she went through, or just plain meanness, or possibly some combination of those things. Back then I tried to cut her as much slack as I could because I thought it was mostly damage but the intervening years has made me wonder.

"Gennie, I don't care if you don't like asparagus, that's what there is on the table tonight. Janice and I spent most of the afternoon hunting this stuff up so we could all have something fresh for a change. And it's good for you. Lots of antioxidants and B vitamins and all the healthy stuff we need right now to get us through until we can start harvesting from the garden."

"You said the strawberries would be ready in May. Well it's May and I don't see no strawberries. I want strawberries."

"The strawberries are late like everything else. But they should be in by the end of May."

"Well I want them now."

"Well you can't have them now. They aren't ready. The asparagus is what is ready now. If you don't want to eat it then I'm not going to force you. But you also aren't going to get anything else either."

"You are such a ****," the vulgar mouthed girl yelled at me at the top of her lungs.

Since we'd all just sat down to eat – those of us not on duty that is – there were plenty to finally hear and be shocked by the way she'd been talking to me.

Johnson stood up and said, "That's enough Gennie. Waaaay out of line."

"Oh so you're going to take her side too?!"

Upstairs we could hear Ashley moan as the baby started crying right after she'd gotten him to sleep. Those of us with better ears also heard her grumble something to the effect that someone was going to get pull baldheaded if they did it again.

Johnson either didn't hear or ignored Ashley in favor of ringing a peal over Gennie. Something that surprised the rest of us. "I'm not taking anyone's side kid, I'm just calling it like I'm seeing it. Now knock it off. I thought people were exaggerating when they said you were acting kinda crazy. Now I know they weren't. You don't want to eat it then fine but like was said, you ain't getting anything else."

"You're just like the rest. You don't understand!"

"I understand better than you think I do. I was a foster kid for a long time. Janice and I ran through more foster homes than I want to remember. Not all of them were nice people. Of the ones that were nice only a few of them really gave a crap. But you lived with what you had to to make it through to another day when things might were gonna get better. You got the same chance here, a better chance because you can know that all of us do give a crap about what happens to you."

"She don't," Gennie snarled pointing at me. "It's her fault. All her fault."

"No. It isn't. You're starting to get stupid on that."

"You do too believe that. Why are you lying?! I've heard everyone here say it. Lotsa times."

"You're hearing what you want to hear, not what everyone is saying. Some mistakes were made because we all have a hate on for Matt but if it comes down to it we all made the mistake in believing the stink he was selling there for a while. But we're over it. All of us. Now sit down and eat or go sit in the corner."

"I ain't no baby!"

"Then stop acting like one!"

Alexis who was just coming in from taking a turn on watch said, "The bottom line is you get what you get and you don't throw a fit. We are all too close to going hungry to waste food."

"I ain't wasting it. I just ain't gonna eat something that looks like slimy sticks."

Ginger added insult to injury by telling her, "Since you screw things up every time you are supposed to help cook I'd shut up if I were you. Those of us that are working hard to put the food on the table that you are complaining about are starting to really not appreciate it."

"You don't let me cook what I want!"

"Because you aren't the only one in this house …"

Jax had just come in behind Alexis. "Shut up Gennie. You've used up your last get out of jail free card. From here on out, you don't work, you don't eat. You act like a baby, you're gonna get treated like one. You don't share the load then I'll haul you out to that militia point Reggie and I saw the other day and leave you there and they can take you to the nearest military camp. I … am … done."

Gennie looked at Johnson smugly like she was waiting for him to tell Jax where he could shove his threat but got a real shock when he only reinforced it. "Might be the best thing for her. Supposedly they've got professionals in those places that work with the troubled kids that get brought in."

We all started eating and Gennie just looked at everyone with wide eyes. Then she made a grab to throw her plate and Alexis popped her in the mouth. Not hard, but it caught us all off guard. "I don't know what your problem is chica but the problem stops right here, right now. You ain't gonna screw this up for me or anyone else. Sit down. Shut up. You want to eat, then eat. You don't want to eat, then don't. But you ain't gonna ruin it for the rest of us. You ain't the center of the universe."

Thirty seconds in it was Janice that shocked us the most by saying, "And if you are thinking of running away or turning on us you can forget it. You and me are now joined at the hip until you can prove you aren't going to turn traitor. I will NOT go back to the way things were." Very quietly and very savagely she looked at Gennie and repeated, "I won't. No matter what it takes."

Johnson and Aiden both patted Janice to comfort her and she backed off the crazy that was peeking through her eyes. Between the drama and everyone's fatigue the remainder of supper was a silent affair. Not the good kind of quiet you find in peaceful places but the kind of quiet you find in a sick room or in a house where you are alone and lonely. I was too familiar with that quiet and hated it. Hated more than it was once more to be found in my home.

After dinner wasn't much better. And Janice hadn't been kidding; she didn't even let Gennie go to the outhouse by herself. She and Alexis talked over the top of Gennie's complaints, making plans to take turns looking after the girl. The last I saw of her that night she was looking shell-shocked as both Janice and Alexis followed her to their shared bedroom and from what I heard did what they had to to make sure no one (meaning Gennie) could creep out during the night.

Later, after I'd finally been able to put my notes away and go to our bedroom, Jax moaned as I massaged his shoulders to try and help with his stress. He'd finally gone through everything he'd brought here from his stashes and pulled out his textbooks and was trying to refresh himself as well as learn more. The thing with Ashley and the baby had him spending every spare moment he could to get ahead of the next emergency. "God I am so glad Kelly wasn't there to hear that crap falling out of Gennie's mouth."

I whispered back, "I am too even though I hate it is because she is still getting over her cold." After a moment I asked, "How serious are you about … you know … dumping Gennie off?"

"Serious as a heart attack. This can't keep happening. You shouldn't have to take it and none of us has the patience left to … to …" Jax shook his head. "Would it be my preference? No but she's making everything way too hard. The food thing is bad but if she wants to go hungry no one can force her to eat. It is the intentionally screwing up on her share of the chores that is getting impossible to put up with."

"Let's see if Janice and Alexis can change her attitude."

"She better hope they do. I'm not going to put up with it much longer. We can't Lydie." I heard him and knew that he'd do what he had to do to protect Kelly … and the rest of us. I also knew however that he wasn't going to jump for joy if he had to send Gennie away.

He changed the subject by telling me, "Saw Vern today. He and Lon got a lot closer to town than they've managed in a while. Used some kind of camouflage suits they made up."

"They still need to be careful."

With a little caution in his voice he said, "They were. That stuff was what they trained for and did in the military."

I rolled my eyes. "I didn't say I was going to say anything to them about it. I'm not looking for a fight you know."

Jax turned and pulled me into his arms. "Just be careful. Reggie said the last time you went over there they were … er …"

"Firing on nothing much more than testosterone and coffee to keep themselves going?" When Jax snorted a quiet chuckle I said, "Yeah, they were cranky but it isn't much better around here. Which is why I said they need to be careful. We're all tired. We're all stressed out. We all need to be careful."

"Message received loud and clear," he said giving me a kiss that landed somewhere around my ear because it was so dark.

"Good," I said giving him a kiss back … with better aim. "Did they learn anything beyond what we already know?"

"Possibly. You know those big trucks that used to sit down by the river? Near the damn?"

"Sure. Big diesels with all the trimmings."

"Those are them. Well, they're gone."

"Not moved?"

"Nope. Gone. Vern got … er … real close and said that production has stopped too."

"Production … you mean the drug manufacturing has stopped? How can he tell?"

"No smell and no run off going into the river. Those big ventilation fans aren't turning either."

"Oh I am just so terribly sad about the demise of their economy."

I thought it was funny, until Jax shook his head. "I think they've found a new way to make ends meet."

"Do I want to know?"

"You know the Houchins have a pretty good idea of the groups still in the area?"

"Yeah. They haven't even really shared them with us."

"That's right. Lon says it is some kind of courtesy or whatever."

I nodded and said, "Which is why we haven't shared that we've figured out how to triangulate the locations of most of them for ourselves."

"Yep, and we're going to keep on not telling them. But I had to be careful not to let it slip when they started sharing that some of those that they knew about aren't transmitting anymore."

"We figured that out too."

"But what all of us made the mistake was in assuming it was because of a lack of fuel or because of some kind of mechanical failure."

I tensed as I started to wait for another shoe to drop. "Just spit it out Jax. Give me some data to input."

"It looks like what you and Reggie hypothesized would happen has already started. They've started with the smallest operations first from what Lon and Vern could see … apparently they recognized some equipment and other stuff in one of the warehouses and …"

Upset I nearly yelped loud enough to wake Kelly. "Are you telling me …?! That wasn't just a little closer they were on the outskirts of town! They could have been seen! Someone could have followed them back with a drone!"

"I know Babe. Calm down please. If it had been anyone else but Lon and Vern … but it was them. And what they saw needed checking out. It was a calculated risk. No drones … I think we might be running through their inventory finally. And the few cameras and stuff that they did see were inoperable."

"What do you mean they were inoperable?"

"Busted up. Compromised by the weather. Hanging by their wires. Just inoperable."

I don't like to say I didn't trust Vern and Lon's observations. As Jax pointed out they were trained for that sort of thing. It was more I didn't trust Matt … or Delorey or whatever minions of his were left. It would be very easy … too easy … to camouflage a camera and throw someone off by decorating with what looked like equipment that wasn't being taken care of. I didn't like it, didn't like it at all. Wanted to put my own eyes on it for some reason.

But I liked even less what Jax said next. "Aston, Reggie, and I are going to recee the areas where Vern said the farms were from."

"Clear on the other side of the county?!"

"Not that far."

"But farther than any of us have gone, even you and I back in the beginning."

"Babe …"

"Don't. I know as well as you do that it has to be done. We can't get all of our info through the Houchins farm. I just … Jax, be careful. Desperate people do desperate things. If … and this is a big IF … Matt has taken control it is going to be Maestro all over again only on a grand scale."

"Reggie said the same thing."

"So you discussed with them already."

"I didn't do it to …"

Suddenly I felt bad … guilty. "Hush and … and don't listen to me. I know what has to be done and I trust you. But if we have … have somehow gotten to a new level of the game … Jax I need to know who is in charge. If it is Matt I've got to get ahead of him before … before …"

"Matt has never spooked you before. What's wrong?"

It was hard to quantify and put into words that didn't sound like I was tripping on a game. "If … and right now we don't have any facts only assumptions … if Matt has finally decided to come back into the open all bets are going to be off. There is no longer anything holding him back. No former reputation to be tied down by. No moral compass to guide him. No reality checks of any kind. He isn't just going to be playing a part he is going to be the part … be Maestro. And if that is the case I need to know what he has to use … resources, assets, weapons, people, all of it. I need to know if he took over any or all of Delorey's territory. I need …"

"Easy Babe. Even if I didn't get it … and for the record I do … Reggie gets it. He's worried. He says there are too many unknowns that need knowing."

I forced myself to relax. This was the part of the game I had never liked, when you first hit a new level and have to figure out if it is just a continuation of the old one or if your opponents have suddenly amped up and gotten new things to use against you. Or if you opponents were even the same ones from the old level or if there were all sorts of new Big Bads that were going to be coming at you.


	50. The Empire Strikes Back Part 9

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 9

I shouldn't have relaxed. I should have shouted my feelings into their faces until they listened. I knew something wasn't right but I had no idea how not right things were about to go. I'm not sure how much good it would have done but I should have tried. I didn't. I'll go to my grave wondering if things would have happened the way they did if I had followed my instincts.

It was so foggy it was impossible to see much beyond the end of your own nose. They got on the road well before first light only making it worse. I was pinging off the walls the moment they left. Jax, Aston, and Reggie. Everyone put it down to female hormones, the kind that start flying around the minute someone's man is not right under foot where you can see them. I tried to put it down to the same thing despite knowing it wasn't.

But then the guys missed their first check in time. Then they missed their second one. Then we found out the Houchins farm had a group go missing as well. I knew. I knew even before then but at that moment I knew with certainty.

"Johnson I need to talk to you."

As big as Johnson was he suddenly looked like he was shrinking away from me, from what I was going to say. "Don't Lydie."

"And who else am I supposed to go to? Aiden? Jules? Neither one of them is up for it."

"They're all fine. They'll …"

In a dead voice I said, "Shut up Johnson. And for the record … this is my home and it is going to stay my home but I'm on overload right now and I need to know that you have my back."

He squinted at me. "What are you thinking then? You have a plan?"

"Right now I don't have enough data to input to make a plan. Nothing is confirmed. Likely? Yes. But I need facts, not hysteria."

"Ok. Then what …"

Johnson and I never got to finish what we were talking about because Ginger screamed … yeah screamed … for me to come upstairs, for all of us to come right away. I sprinted up to the cupola and all she could do was point to the radio.

A voice that sounded happy to read the script in front of them recited, "Today at 10:28 AM seven enemy combatants were arrested, summarily tried by a militia court, and convicted of murder, kidnapping, interfering with fair trade and commerce, price gouging, and withholding information vital to town safety. Two of the seven have also been convicted of being AWOL. All seven are scheduled to be executed at dawn tomorrow. Names of the convicts and tickets to attend this function can be obtained at the Mayor's Office."

There were several other announcements – the weather, work groups that people were supposed to report to and other bogus sounding things like that – and then the radio went silent. Everyone in the house that had followed me up started talking at once. This went on for five minutes and then the radio repeated the recorded messages.

I compare the noise everyone was making to cackling. Then Ginger said, "Something coming in from Bonanza."

They wanted to know if we'd hear the transmission from town and what we thought of it. I had a difficult time not sending some superlatives in their direction. What did I think of it? What exactly did they think I thought of it? Instead of coming uncorked I asked calmly who was missing on their end and then cringed to hear that two of them were Vern and Lon. They must have been the two listed as AWOL … or maybe not but it was a likely possibility.

I sent back the following message: "Kangaroo court. Neither retired nor active duty military personnel can be convicted in a militia court, whatever that is. They haven't even had due process. Some yahoo is trying to sound official and making a hash of it. Do not, repeat DO NOT act until we can formulate a plan. I need to think."

Their answer was they didn't like it but they agreed … at least temporarily. My take at the time was that they were just as worried and confused as we were and didn't know what to do either. We were about to go downstairs to formulate said plan when a new announcement came on the radio.

"Special Announcement … please stay tuned to a special announcement." Then after an emergency signal came on a couple of times the following was read off by a ditzy sounding woman. "It has come to the attention of the Mayor's Office that there may be a way to commute the sentence of at least some of the convicted. There is one way and one way only to accomplish this. The convicts were accused of kidnapping and murdering one Lydia Remington. If verifiable evidence can be provided as to the health and well-being of this woman – preferably she must present herself to this office – then the Mayor himself is willing to intervene and secure a lessor sentence. However, time is of the essence and …"

All eyes were on me. The radiofax started making noise. I couldn't say anything. I was too busy thinking.

I turned and went downstairs leaving them all jabbering once again. When some of them tried to follow me I shut my bedroom door in their faces and walked over to Kelly's crib and looked down. Jax and I had been discussing the fact that she needed a big girl bed. We'd been putting if off thinking that it could wait until things were more settled but we had both begun to wonder if we didn't need to go ahead and bite the bullet … make the closet a little bedroom for her and give her a real bed. We'd even started to make a list of supplies we would need to do it.

The door opened slowly and Ashley came into the room. Since there was dead silence on the other side I figured she was the one that had been elected or elected herself. I wasn't surprised. There was Aston after all.

"You're going aren't you?" she asked quietly.

Instead of answering her I said, "Ash I need a promise from you. I need you to promise that you'll look after Kelly. Jax is going to be upset but this is the only way and I'm the only one."

"Lydie …"

"Don't. I don't have a lot of time left. I need you to promise and then I need to talk to Johnson."

"I … I …"

"Ash I need the promise."

"Okay. Okay already. I promise. But … but we'll figure this out. Don't make it sound like …"

"I don't have time for this part Ash. The emotions. I can't afford it. Just promise me one way or the other you'll make sure that Kelly is taken care of and that this will always be her home so long as she wants it to be."

'God Lydie, don't sound …"

I walked passed her and into Johnson who had been standing right outside. "You know what I need from you," I told him.

"This is insane. We …"

"Not we … me. Look after everyone. If the guys come back then you can turn the responsibility back over to Jax … or Aston if … Just do this for me until then. Okay?"

Johnson swallowed. "Just until Jax gets back. And you. Like when we trade off when he's out in the field."

"Fine. Look at it however you have to just do it. I'm going to write a couple of letters. I'm going to leave them on my bed. Make sure no one reads them until … until it is obvious when they need to be read. I need to be left alone. People need to stay out of my way. I've got something to take care of."

That's when Gennie laughed. She laughed. I can still hear the sound. "See?! If you'd taken care of things ..." She never got a chance to finish. I backhanded her in the mouth hard enough she bounced off the wall.

Alexis stepped between me and Gennie and I started to see red. One of the last things I concretely remember her telling me in a calm voice was, "You do what you have to. We'll hold the fort. Janice and I will deal with Gennie." Then she looked me straight in the eye and said, "I promise on my mother's memory."

And I believed her. Just like that. And just like that I turned and went down the stairs and out to the barn and no one followed me.

My next clear memory was placing the letters that I had written on the bed and turning to find Ginger carrying Kelly who had woken from her nap.

Ginger told me quietly, "I'll help Ashley. But you better plan on coming back. Don't get stupid or anything like that."

All I could do was hug her, kiss Kelly, and back away. Down the stairs. Onto the porch where I put on my vest – feeling the things I had packed in the many pockets – and grabbed the heavy pack. I don't know how I did it but I blinked and was handing a letter to the guard at the Houchins farm.

"Give this to your grandfather."

"Wait! He'll want to …"

I peddled away without even listening. Yes, I said peddled. The last time I saw Matt I had been riding my bike. If I did what I was planning on doing the last time I would ever see Matt I'd be on my


	51. The Empire Strikes Back Part 10

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 10

I don't want anyone reading this to think that I was out to be a hero. I wasn't. None of us were back then. Let me rephrase that, no one in my sphere was out to be a hero. You hear stories but they are mostly after the fact. You might even suspect things after the fact. But I can say for sure that our sole objective most of the time was survival. We just wanted to get through the bad times we were living in and try and have confidence that there were better times coming down the road. For me that night was no exception, my chosen actions had nothing to do with being a hero. I had simply run out of ways to deal with what kept coming at us from town in general ... and Matt specifically. It was time for me to attack directly … or semi-directly. Just keep reading, you'll grasp the concept.

As I peddled along in the dark I wasn't ruminating on how things used to be. I wasn't wishing for things to be the way they used to be, nor wishing for things to be better now. I wasn't pining for the young man that I had once had feelings for because frankly I was wondering if he had really existed or had he just been another avatar for Matt to use to get what he wanted.

In hindsight and with everything that came afterwards I can say with some confidence that Matt and I had been real for each other, at least for a while. When it stopped being real however I am less certain of. Part of me thinks it was me that pulled away first; that it happened after my family was murdered, during the period that I had to grow up and be stronger than I had been. Maybe that is what initially broke whatever ties that we'd had. On the other hand, it could have happened before that or it could have been Matt that changed during his own period of growth and change when the terrorists attacked the town's water supply and he lost his father, the one source of authority in his life that he consistently listened to. A romantic historian might even suggest that it was both of us that changed and it was a culmination of our fate to face off. But I was not a romantic then, neither am I one today and I find the idea of fate less than appealing because it makes it seem that no one has a choice. If I've come to understand nothing else over these long years it is that we all make choices every day, and with them come consequences.

I made a choice that night. Matt was going to be taken out one way or the other. The reasons are numerous and anyone that has followed the story over the years knows what those reasons were. I won't paint myself innocent. I was well aware that what I planned to do included the possibility of murder. It also included the real possibility that because of the actions I was choosing that I wouldn't be going home any time soon, if ever. And if that was the case, if I was going to have to pay for my chosen actions, I wanted to make sure that I accomplished my goal.

My ride into town was a silent one. The fog was back, caused by another temperature inversion. As bad as visibility was I managed to get to my first stop undetected not too long after the sun set. I spent the rest of the night preparing the execution of my hastily cobbled together plan, only occasionally running into guards and problems.

When those of us living on our side of the county had agreed to bring down the highway bridges to try and stop Delorey's attacks … or at least slow the down … Jax had taught Reggie the finer points of bringing down large structures. What he likely hadn't expected was for Reggie to turn around and teach me. Bringing down the highway bridges on our side of the county had been our learning ground. Now I was on the other side of the county setting up the same kind of destruction. I had a timetable and couldn't wait around. I was using up all of the toys that Reggie and I had been using our spare time to fabricate. They were both the large ones and the small ones and could serve multiple purposes; booby traps, timed destruction, and as direct attack weapons. The speed at which I was having to move was nearly my downfall on more than one occasion.

I climbed up the embankment from wiring one of the last bridge expanses out of town and only the heavy fog saved me. I was barely three yards from two town guards.

"What was that?"

"One of them rocks tumbling in the water. We hear them all the time on this shift."

"You sure?" the man asked still unsure.

"Look, you're new around here and I'm telling you it's just rocks being pushed around by the high water."

There was a few moments of silence as they seemed to be covering a circuitous route and then the first guy asked, "That kid really expect them people to hand over the girl he's been looking for?"

"Yeah. No doubt. I mean listen how he set it up. Even if she is a cold-hearted b**** and refuses to come herself them people out there are gonna capture her and use her to get their own back."

Like the guy was thinking over the answer he followed it with another question. "That Mayor dude ain't really plannin' on letting them guys go is he? That won't go over too well with Hickson and Tyrell. They lost a lot of their soldiers trying to capture them and what little justice they were allowed to piece out ain't gonna be enough."

I heard the other one snort and then chuckle. "Like I said you are new around here. Give it time, you'll catch on. One way or the other we are gonna have us a show."

All that conversation did was harden my resolve and as the men walked to the other end of the bridge to take up their position I headed further in town towards my next target. The dam.

Over the winter Reggie and I had perfected a way for those on recon to bring back more intel in physical form. It was unbelievably simply. I felt pretty stupid not having thought of it before. Reggie found them when I was moving some of my dad's personal stuff out of his study to make room for some books and office supplies that needed to come in out of the barn before the weather destroyed them.

"Hey Shrimp, I don't think Lydie will want you to play with these. How about a trade?"

I turned sharply to find Reggie trading a wax pencil and a piece of paper for the binoculars Kelly pulled out of a crate of miscellaneous items I had hauled up to the bedroom.

Envisioning having to wash walls and wood of artwork I said, "I'm not sure I want her to have those either Reggie."

He ignored me as he was too busy looking at what he'd traded for. While I tried to interest Kelly in a trade for something that was less a recipe for disaster Reggie asked, "Lydie are these what I think they are?"

"If you think those are binoculars then you are correct."

"These aren't just binoculars."

"Sure they are. Just one of Dad's toys."

"Lydie these are digital and have a built in camera."

And so it went. The guys started using them to bring back pictures of the areas they were reconning. In particular Reggie and I used the pictures that were brought back to plan for booby placements and places to put caches since I still was pretty much stuck on the home place between one thing and another.

One of the developments we discovered had been the realization that the flooding wasn't just affecting us out in the country but was creating real problems in other areas as well. One was the reservoir. It was already very full because the town had not been pumping it out, the additional water from the melting snow had softened the retaining walls. I had thought to use that but realized there wasn't enough time. My next choice would have greater consequences but was also more dangerous to set up.

As I made my way through town putting boobies here and there in various locations to maximize the chaos I intended to create, I visualized what I'd seen on the pictures brought back. The flood waters were at almost historical highs; higher than the dam had really been built to withstand. The spillways had been opened to try and relieve some pressure but despite that water still lapped at the crest of the dam. What Reggie and I had noticed was the water pouring through the spillway wasn't being monitored and was eroding the abutment seriously enough that even a layman could see had they been paying attention. Reggie suggested that either no one was monitoring the dam except casually, the water all along the river was too high and they had no choice but to leave the spillways open so much, or the spillway gates were stuck for some reason. Based on other pictures the greatest likelihood was that no one was monitoring what was turning into a very dangerous situation.

I doubted Matt even took it into consideration. The dam had been there as a landmark our entire lives as well as the entire lives of our parents. It had been built back in the early days of the TVA. It was an earthen dam whose only real purpose was flood control and we hadn't had one since before I was born ... because of the dam. But the floods we experienced that spring were hundred year floods, well beyond anything that had been experienced in decades. They weren't something you could simply flip a switch on the dam and walk away from.

I realized just how big a mistake Matt was making in ignoring the dam when I walked onto it, never even encountering a single guard. I learned later that they relied very heavily on their own system of security cameras to monitor their territory; however, the fog had completely handicapped that tool.

I didn't have enough explosives left to destroy the whole structure outright; there was too much concrete capping it. My plan was to compromise one side of the dam which would then allow the flood waters to pour through at a rate that the earthen shell and core couldn't withstand. I wasn't sure how much damage would occur but I was certain that it would be enough to put an end to their power generation and take a while to repair at best.

One of the things that I found at the dam I wish I could have taken back to the farm. A truck that was fully loaded with supplies and fuel. It screamed get-a-way vehicle. Instead I wired a nasty little surprise to the ignition and finished the rest of the job on the dam.

It was only an hour off dawn when I finished setting the last timer. I needed to find out where they were holding the men and I was pretty sure I knew where that would be.

Our town wasn't large enough to fund and maintain our own prison. The Town Council always complained about how much it cost to fund the holding cells that the cops used when they couldn't transport someone to the county or state correctional facility. My dad used to have a lot to say about the Town Council and their complaints and not much of it good and then he would say that the uppity Council members just didn't like the fact that the holding cells were right next to the Town Hall. Knowing Matt he was using those holding cells, he wouldn't be able to avoid the temptation of thinking of them as some kind of status symbol.

I was partially right.

The closer I got to the Town Hall the more guards and security measures I ran into. I avoided the guards and boobied what and where I could. Then I saw it. Too much activity not to see it even with the fog still hanging around. All of the trees that grew on what was once called the town green were gone, chopped down for firewood or some other purpose. In their place was a platform with a dais that looked like it had been built using the old playground equipment that had been at the next door skate park. The large, commercial sized swing set was next to the platform and I saw that it was set up for multiple hangings. I was barely hanging on to my emotions by then and the view of that nearly sent me over the edge into another berserk rage.

The platform with dais itself was hung with red, white, and blue streamers and banners, the kind that looked like they came out of the town's Independence Day decorations. There was also a podium and God help me, equipment for recording what was going to happen. I could see microphones, electrical cables, and a news camera on a rolling pedestal. They were even expending energy on flood lights which I considered foolish from a tactical standpoint as it blinded those putting them on display.

I worked my way closer and found that I blended into the crowd of people forming better than I could have ever hoped. We were all dirty and grungy, all dressed like we'd dug our clothes out of the thrift store clearance bin. Almost everyone had some kind of hat on so mine that I pulled low didn't draw any attention at all. All eyes were focused on the spectacle unfolding before us so no one noticed me staring and strategizing the best points of attack.

Then I saw them being brought out. Jax, Aston, Reggie, Lon, Vern and two men I didn't recognize. Part of me wanted them to see me and realize they hadn't been abandoned. The better part of me prayed they wouldn't because of what they might do as a result. Getting a better look at them I drew a small sigh of relief. They'd been beaten at some point but not obviously tortured. I drew another small sigh of relief when I saw that they weren't all bound together. Then I saw Matt. I nearly spit. I also had to stop myself from being too concerned about him seeing me ... he was just as blind up on the platform as everyone else.

I looked at Matt long and hard, trying to see what I had been attracted to. Whatever it had been was gone. So were my feelings one way or the other. He was just a target. I refused to let that bother me then and I refuse to let it bother me even now. I know it is callous but it was war, a war I was determined to win. Then I smiled as I realized Matt was angry and kept calling someone forward like he was getting reports. Something wasn't going his way and I was more than happy to cheer whatever it was on. I was hoping that it was the fact that I hadn't shown up.

As dawn rose the crowd started getting restless I heard one guy mutter, "If they are waiting on the weather so the little p**** can get a better picture we're going to be standing around here a long time."

Looking at my watch I started counting down. Matt was just putting on what I thought of as his public face and approaching the podium when I heard the first "whump" ... and then the second … then the third. People were looking around and I edged my way even closer to where the men were.

I was pushed roughly out of the way as men dressed up as uniformed guards rushed passed me heading in the direction of the noise. Correction, the noises as some of my other timed surprises went off. Soon people began to smell smoke and then there was a loud scream as someone must have found one of the trip wires in the building behind the square where I had been observing from before joining the milling crowds. Then several windows in the building exploded and panic set it.

I was nearly knocked to the ground several times before I could roll the homemade grenade right beneath the platform. Unfortunately for whatever reason Matt chose that moment to look right at me with instantaneous recognition. His eyes widened as he realized Valkyrie had finally come out to play. I was smiling as he turned away and started running. The exploding platform was satisfyingly chaotic. I turned to help the men but found they were already helping themselves. Then Reggie saw me and started coming towards me but I shook my head and pointed him away from town in the direction I wanted him to take the others in. He understood. He knew where every booby was placed on the hill overlooking River Road.

I knew they'd all think that the Houchins farm and the Home Place had put together a rescue. I didn't stop to explain. I still had a target to reach and took off running in the same direction Matt had gone before I could lose him. I was finally thankful for how thick the crowd was because it slowed him down as much as it slowed me down. This was the part that required me to know Maestro so well. He used the retreat to fight another day a lot to maintain his avatar's life while allowing other players to die in his place as a distraction. But I needed him to retreat the direction I wanted him to go. I counted on Matt thinking that since the other buildings around the green were rigged that the Town Hall was also compromised. I gave him a little encouragement to think that when I lobbed a grenade through a window of the ground floor. More chaos and carnage occurred.

I saw him running towards the dam. I was right in thinking that the loaded truck I'd found there was one of his escape plans. I kept him running in that direction by triggering some of the nasty surprises I'd left along that path.

Matt had never been into sports. He kept in just good enough shape to keep his mother off his back and to maintain his reputation as Maestro. He liked to look good and that was his primary motivation, but he only did just enough for looks, not enough to build stamina. My whole life had been one of physical labor to offset all the sitting I did studying and gaming. After my family's murder that had been even truer. I could have run with a heavily laden pack and still caught up with Matt but I used the cat and mouse game until he was exactly where I wanted him. In the meantime I picked off the few of his personal guards - who honestly weren't in much better shape than he was – that he'd allowed to follow him. Bad food and bad living had torn a hole in whatever tough-guy they'd had.

When I was ready I tackled Matt from behind and brought him down. He kicked out at me and nearly escaped but stopped when I said, "Forget the truck Maestro. It's toast as soon as you turn the ignition."

I was ready and waiting for his first maneuver. "Lydie? Lydie?! Oh my god I've been searching for you forever! You have no idea what I've ..."

Bluntly I told him, "Forget the stupid act. I'm not buying it. What I didn't figure out for myself a long time ago I heard from Marty and the others."

The mention of Marty gave him a start. "Don't listen to them. They're ..."

Continuing on I said, "And what I didn't figure out for myself and didn't learn from them I learned from observing you directly. You screwed up Matt. You screwed up bad."

And just like that Matt tried his next maneuver. "I have troops heading ..."

Confidently I told him, "You haven't got squat heading anyplace. The only control you have is within the town limits. If you'd left it like that, not tried to branch out and be more important than you are, I wouldn't have come for you. But you didn't. And now it's time for Maestro to pay the piper."

He laughed derisively. "Oh please. Even with all the hicks at your disposal you can't destroy me."

I had calculated my time and chose my words with purpose. "It isn't going to take an army to destroy you. It is going to be your own stupidity and carelessness that does it."

"Don't you dare say that!" he screamed letting me see just how close to crazy he really was.

Instead of reacting to it I looked at my watch and counted, "Five, four, three, two, one ..."

I was a couple of seconds off, a couple of seconds of riding the edge of my own worry that my plan wouldn't work. But just as Matt started to smile the spillway behind Matt blew, throwing us both to the ground.


	52. The Empire Strikes Back Part 11

**The Empire Strikes Back**

Part 11

Today if you go walking in the town square, in addition to an obnoxious amount of greenery you have to battle along the main path that the blasted eco-teams fawn over, there are pieces of outdoor artwork you have to avoid tripping over. One of those pieces is on the regional register for historical art. Great, big, nasty-looking thing that can't decide what it is supposed to be. Today the plaque beneath it says it is called "Venustas." which is Latin for beauty. Yeah. Right. Back when I was a kid the thing sat in a park built overlooking the dam and it had been called "Chimera" which was a mythological creature that breathed fire and was a hybrid made up of several animals and frightening just because of how ugly it was. The statue had never been that great to look at with but it was solid as solid then as it is today and is what I rolled under after the explosives I set went off.

I suppose if I am honest it is my fault the ugly thing looks even worse than it used to. No amount of sanding and wielding ever fully repaired all of the dents and other damage it took as the concrete and debris rained down. The sound of the explosion was enormous but even after things stopped falling from the sky the sound didn't abate and it took me a moment to figure out it was because of the increased flow of water through the gap the explosion had created.

I looked around for Matt to finish what I had started but didn't see him. Frustrated I edged my way closer to the overhang to see if he'd fallen over the side. Honestly, what I expected to see I didn't know then and still don't know. I suspect adrenaline had made me a little stupid. It was a good thing for me that I had remained cautious because I had just enough time to set myself for attack when I saw something coming at me from the corner of my eye.

I initially went down as I slid in the mud trying to avoid a piece of rebar being used like a bat to take off my head. I won't bother recording for posterity the spittle-laden words that flew from Matt's lips while he was swinging. The words don't really matter, it was the sentiment behind them; he was death and I was his next victim and rubbish like that. Needless to say I had no intention of cooperating and after getting up I parried every swing he threw at me. I was strong but I'd been up over twenty-four hours and biked many miles and had been climbing around like a monkey wiring bridges and other things to go boom during that time. However, while Matt might have been well-versed in hand to hand combat techniques, as far as I've ever been able to discover he had never practiced them in the realm of reality, only in gamer land. Adrenaline kept us both going but I had the greater endurance.

We were both spent and then hit our corners like old-time boxers did between rounds. Matt turned his hand next to a verbal brawl. "You had such potential."

"So did you Matt. Why did you have to choose to be a craptastic jerk? Why did you have to do that to Marty?!"

"So this is about a broken heart? I knew it. Girls are so predictable." He smiled like he'd suspected it all along.

"Oh my God Matt," I laughed, unable to stop myself. "Is your ego seriously that big?!" Then in anger I snarled, "You had a hand in torturing and killing my best friend. Our best friend! How could you do that?!"

Strangely calm Matt explained, "She was useful. Not as useful as you would have been but definitely more malleable. Besides she meant nothing. If you hadn't acted like a spoiled child and run off I would have gotten rid of her and we could have been together. You never were very good at strategic planning Lydie."

"Geez. I can't believe I never realized what a freaking narcissist you are."

Almost ignoring what I'd said, or taking it as a compliment it was hard to say which, he said, "We could still do it you know."

"Do what?"

"Be together. I've set it all up. These people … they need us. They have no idea how much they need us."

"Yeah right. King and Queen of the prom, that's us." I nearly spit. "Who do you think you are? Machiavelli?"

"It's … apropos to a certain extent I must admit. If these idiots were just slightly more intelligent I could have had this wound up even sooner."

A few pieces falling into place I asked, "So it was you who did for Delorey? How did you set him up?"

Like he was discussing the weather Matt answered, "Fairly easily if you must know. I had hoped to keep him around longer. Delorey was actually one of the more useful idiots I've had at my disposal. But then he started making plans and deals without consulting me, putting my whole operation at risk. I knew then it was time for him to go."

"Your operation."

"Yes Lydie. My operation. Mine. I'm developing a technopolis based on green energy, something that will allow us to rise above the retched state this country is in. With us leading the way, showing how it should be done, there is no telling how far we can go. Certainly well beyond anything currently available. This dam is a cornerstone of the first phase." Then he screamed at me, "AND LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

"Oh. So sorry. Did I break your toy?" I asked snidely.

Regaining control he said, "All you've done is make me have to change my timetable. I was already discussing upgrades to the dam with a local representative of the corps of engineers. They are practically salivating at the chance to modify the dam to my specifications but were worried about how they would justify on paper deconstructing something that had no damage."

I looked in his eyes and could hardly accept how wholeheartedly he believed the nonsense coming out of his mouth. Matt was brilliant, I never have been afraid to give him that point, but a trained engineer he was not. My guess after reading some of the depositions presented into court was that his father – who was a trained engineer for the TVA – had filled his head full of unrealistic dreams and agenda points. I still remember some of the stuff his father used to spew and I knew even before things got as out of control as they did just how unrealistic what he believed in was.

Hoping to reach him in some way I begged, "Matt, be serious."

"I am serious."

"Matt, your plan isn't feasible. You forget, I've heard all this before. For one thing this is the wrong kind of river for what you would need to …"

"Lydie, do not tell me my business. Or are you forgetting just how often I beat you in these sorts of academic debates."

"This isn't academics Matt. It's not theory or hypothesis. This isn't a design drawn up on the lunchroom napkins. This is reality. If your plans were as easy to implement as you claim why didn't you and your dad turn your house into a mock up of them?"

"Because my mother and sisters were always in the way. They had absolutely no vision, no foresight. How my father and I used to rail against their small mindedness, their lack of real intelligence. My god they were such an embarrassment. You had no idea, out on your tiny, subsistence level farm, the kind of work entailed in pulling this together with everyone forever saying can't, impossible, or so jealous that they intentionally sabotaged every step forward."

"You really believe that?"

"Believe it? I lived it!"

It troubled me to think that Matt was as incompetent as he was acting. If he was as crazy as he was acting did I have any right to judge him? Even Jax had called him a rabid animal but I looked at Matt and saw not a rabid animal, not even a man, but a boy that had something seriously wrong with him. Then I stopped myself. Mentally ill, mentally incompetent or not, he was still morally accountable. I also wasn't convinced he wasn't trying to play me … like a Maestro.

I shook my head and then made a mistake, "Matt, you are acting like an idiot."

I was unprepared for his response. He came around with the piece of rebar again and this time I didn't duck in time and he caught me a hard and painful blow on my bicep. I fell, slipping in the mud then had to keep rolling as he tried to bring the metal rod down on my head again and again.

I kicked out at his legs and he skipped backwards, going down as he too lost his footing in the mud; but as he did he kicked out at me and I caught a glancing on my chin from the tip of his shoe. It rattled me but I didn't have much time to react because he was on me again and we rolled around on the ground and then from somewhere he pulled a knife and I felt a sharp, burning pain in my side and Lydie went bye-bye.

The next thing I remember clearly is a terrified Matt looking rather more than a little worse for wear backing away holding his hand muttering, "Valkyrie … Valkyrie …" Then he turned and ran.

I roared and started to run after him but real pain took me to my knees. I'm not sure how long I kneeled there. Someone could have come along and killed me and I wouldn't have even noticed but no one did. The ground rumbling beneath my hands finally brought me back from la-la land and I looked up to see the abutment eroding in my direction.

Seeing your imminent demise is a great motivator and I got my last shot of adrenaline for the day. I scrambled to my feet and away from the dam. I'd hidden my bike with the remainder of my supplies just the side of town before River Road. It took me an hour to get through the hysterical crowds unseen and I was ready to cry with thankfulness that it hadn't been discovered and absconded with. I knew I would have to move quickly to keep someone from pulling me off and taking it away but since I wasn't up to moving quick I had to wait until it was dark enough that no one would see me.

While I waited for dark or some other miracle to happen I decided it was time to look at whatever damage Matt had done. When I pulled my shirt up and away from the wound I nearly puked and did the only thing I could which was tie a binding over it and pray that I could get back to the Home Place and that Jax was there.

I must have passed out at some point because I had meant to watch the action from my hiding place to keep my mind off my hurts but the next thing I knew was I was trying to blink my eyes open and realizing I was all in a crumpled heap against the door I had leaned against. And that it was dark … well into the dark of the night. Everything was silent but smelled strongly of smoke which might have been what had awakened me.

In all the years since there are times that I have been in pain but I always measure them against how much it hurt to get on my bike and ride home that night. I had to stop a couple of times to puke only there really wasn't anything in my stomach to puke because I hadn't eaten in who knows how many hours and my canteen had long been empty.

I barely registered passing the gate to the Houchins farm, it was just another landmark. I honestly wasn't sure if they would recognize me and didn't want to get shot on top of the pains I already suffered from. But they must have seen me and used the radiofax to contact whoever was minding things up in the cupola.

I was growing weaker and hit a pot hole and fell off the bike. I tried to get back on but it wasn't going to happen. After a hundred feet I realized I wasn't even going to be able to push the bike so I let it fall and just tried to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Plan A was to get home but if I wasn't able to make it Plan B was to at least get close enough that I was within the normal patrol area and that someone would find me in the morning. Another hundred yards and I had to admit even that wasn't going to happen as I fell for the third time and was struggling to remain conscious.

He found me trying to crawl towards a fence post that I knew was within visual range of one of our monitoring cameras because we used it as a focus point. I knew he was talking to me, yelling my name, but all I could do was say, "Tell Gennie I tried. Tell her I tried but he got away."

That's all I remembered for a long time.


	53. Ottoman Empire Part 1

Ottoman Empire or That Thing You Put Your Feet On? Part 1

Recovery was a long time coming. It was a while before they were even sure I would survive. And a little while beyond that before I could stay conscious enough to tell them what had happened. There was so much to do and I couldn't participate beyond answering questions that they couldn't find the answers for any other way. It wasn't just the knife wound and subsequent infection. I was literally unable to get around because I'd lost so much weight and grown so week. Time and again I would have a set back but slowly I got to be awake more hours than I slept in a day. They planted the garden, searched the woods for wild forage, tended the biofuel set up, took care of all of the day to day responsibilities of running the farm, keeping us fed, and keeping us safe.

And when I realized that is when the frustration set in. I also realized that there were data I was missing but they would only give it to me in bits in pieces. I don't blame them now, or then, but that didn't lower the frustration. I didn't start to feel a part of things again until I talked them into letting me have books from the library and a tablet of paper to write on. I felt guilty for being unable to end Matt's reign. I felt guilty for everything they were having to do without me. I was angry at myself for not being able to finish what I started.

Then there came a day when a plan started to form. I demanded more and more books and someone must have tattled to my doctor.

Jax startled me when he came in behind me and gently pulled the book from my hand that I was trying read. "Babe you need to put the books away and get some rest."

It wasn't the first time he'd said it and not the first time I responded, "I've got to find some way to turn this."

Jax, having figured out during my weeks-long convalescence, that stubborn didn't even begin to describe me once I had a goal, sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Ok, I'll bite. What are you going to find in all of these all history texts to help us out with the mess coming out of town?"

"I'm not sure yet but ..."

"But?"

"Don't you dare laugh."

He kissed my forehead. "Have I ever laughed at you Lydie?"

"No. Not really. And I'm sorry I said it like that. It makes me sound like Matt."

Briefly angry Jax snapped, "Don't compare yourself to him again. I swear I am going to drop Gennie down a well someplace and cap it off."

I laughed though it used up some of the last of my energy to do it. "Whoa Big Boy. Down. This isn't about the crap Gennie says."

"Then what? You've done the exact opposite of what Matt did, is doing. And you got closer than any of us did at taking him out."

"I told you it wasn't necessarily about killing him though I went in knowing it was a possibility. It was about destroying his power base. Matt would be nothing without ..." I started coughing and felt pulling in my side.

"OK, that's enough. I don't want to ... to ..."

I knew what he was trying not to say, that he was trying not to act like he had congenital testosterone poisoning by ordering me to put the books away and rest. He knew me too well to know that wouldn't work unless I cooperated. And if I didn't cooperate we'd wind up in an argument and I'd wind up weaker than I started. Instead he tried reason which was almost my undoing but I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to try and explain my thinking.

"Lydie, let it go for a little while. There's nothing we can do."

"Maybe. Maybe not."

Jax eyed me with reluctant interested. "Ok, spit it out."

I picked the book I'd been holding back up. "You see this? It is full of the stories of empires throughout history, but every single one of those empires fell."

"Yeah? And?"

"One of the greatest empires of recent history was the Ottoman Empire. Not too many people think about it these days though."

"I thought the Ottomans were from like way back, the Middle Ages or close."

"They were. What a lot of people aren't taught is that the Ottoman Empire didn't come to an end until 1922."

"Wait. No way. Are you serious?"

"Yep. And that's a long time for an empire to exist so that's what I'm using as my example."

"No freaking kidding." Then with some suspicion he asked, "Example for what?"

"I think just sitting back and trying to out wait Matt isn't the best choice. Letting him continue to build his power base is a bad idea."

Jax snorted. "Babe, you blew up every bridge you could get your hands on and the dam too, and more than a few other structures. If that wasn't destroying his power base I don't know what would be."

I nodded. "That definitely helps but won't work in and of itself. We have to do this carefully or like with ants, you might be able to destroy one mound but if you don't kill the queen they'll just rebuild the mound someplace else."

Reggie must have been hanging out in the hallway because I heard him laugh and ask, "You telling me that Matt is a queen?"

Jax chuckled as well but said, "Knock it off. If you're going to lurk come in here and help me understand what Lydie is trying to say."

Reggie walked in with a grin but real interest and said, "I will when she explains it so I can understand it."

It once again struck me what good friends I had and how badly I had scared them. I hadn't meant to and for that I was very sorry. They'd all been incredibly kind, to both me and Jax, doing chores and taking on other responsibilities so that he could focus his energy on me while I hovered between life and death and then took longer than expected to recover. It sounds so melodramatic to say it like that but it is the truth. Matt hurt me a lot worse than I had understood. But he'd also help me realize what a treasure some people can be.

My thoughts must have shown on my face because Reggie said, "Hey, if you're tired ..."

I shook my head and tried to put order to my thoughts. "No, I'm fine. Really. And I need to bounce this off people that won't think I'm crazy."

"Gennie been talking again?"

Jax snarled, "Does that girl ever stop talking?"

I put my hand on his arm. "It is too dangerous to pass her off to someone else right now. The way she is she could say something and bring attention we don't need. With the militia swarming all over town ..."

"Yeah, yeah. And there really isn't any telling what she would say if given the chance."

Reggie agreed but added, "So get to 'splaining Lucy. I'm all ears if you've got a plan. You mentioned the Ottoman Empire."

"The rise and fall of the Ottoman Empire. Just about any empire for that matter but like I told Jax, the Ottomans were so strong and long lived I figured I had my best chance of learning something from their fall. OK you guys, you know your history. So tell me what destroys an empire?"

They listed out all of the usual suspects ... war, famine, drought, yada, yada ... but then Reggie looked at me closely and muttered, "You sneaky, sneaky woman."

Jax looked between the two of us and asked, "Wait. What did I miss … and please don't tell me you intend on blowing anything else up."

Reggie grinned. "Everything we mentioned could be a factor in bringing down an empire but it isn't a given. Strong leadership however can overcome all of that, even natural disasters can be used by an empire to solidify their position and control."

"Well Matt seems to be a strong leader so I'm still missing the point. We've already tried to take him out without success. And frankly we don't have enough resources to start a war, especially one that includes fighting the militia."

"Ah so Grasshopper but there is more than one way to skin a cat … or fight a war."

I rolled my eyes. "Knock it off Reg. What I'm suggesting ... well it isn't really war per se." I could see Jax getting irritated and explained further. "Outside factors can cause an empire to decline but what destroys an empire comes from within."

"Within," Jax repeated.

"Yeah. From within. Moral decline, civil war, corrupt politicians, loss of the freedoms that originally built the empire, an entitlement population who are more interested in taking resources than they are generating them. This weakens the infrastructure that holds the empire together. Fractures form. If these fractures aren't repaired collapse becomes inevitable and the result is destruction of the empire."

Reggie added, "At least until someone new comes along to pick up the pieces to use for their own purposes and starts a new empire building scheme."

Leaning back against the pillows propping me up I nodded. "Yeah. Which means we need to be very careful that when we do this we make sure that whatever is left over isn't going to be dangerous to us until we are strong enough to deal with it."

Johnson stuck his head around the door. "Still ain't seeing it Lydie."

Jax sighed, "Who all is out there?"

Johnson walked in followed by Aston, Aiden, and Jules. Jax stood up and asked, "Who's guarding ..."

It was Aston who said, "Relax Jax, everything is covered. Ginger is on comm, Ash has the kids, Alexis is on guard duty and Janice is sitting on the holy terror while she mucks out the goat pen."

Jax nodded but still glanced out the bedroom window like he was afraid Gennie was murdering the goats rather than mucking the pen.

Jules hadn't lost his hate for Matt but he'd learned to control it ... most of the time. "So tell us this plan to kill Matt."

I felt Jax stiffen and then watched the others when I said, "Matt isn't our only problem. If we take Matt out all we are accomplishing is creating a hole that someone can come in and fill and continue doing the exact same thing he is doing now."

Surprisingly Jules gave what I said serious thought. "Okay, say I buy that theory though I'm not convinced anyone could do what Matt has done."

I said, "Sure they could. All it would take is someone willing to use people the way Matt has. In fact it might even be likely that someone could have done it better than Matt has. All they would have needed was more attainable goals."

"You've said that before," Aiden said. "You said Matt was pretty crazy last time you saw him."

"No, not crazy, I said the plans he believed in were crazy ... and unattainable no matter how much he believed in them. If Matt is a certifiable anything it is that he has some kind of personality disorder; probably Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I've been reading up on it."

Johnson crossed his arms and complained, "Your father built the weirdest library."

I smiled nostalgically. "Mom used to say the same thing when Dad would bring home more books. He got them from all over ... yard sales, library sales, dumpsters, just all over the place. Now don't get me off track. Like I said I've been reading up on Matt's issues to try and figure them out."

"We already know he has issues Lydie," Jules growled.

"Yeah, of course. It's pretty obvious these days. At least for those of us that have broken free of the charisma he used to exert. And frankly a lot of people in town, at least from what I heard when I was there, aren't really under his power in the traditional sense. They don't respect him very much either. They're only willing to follow him because he's given them stuff; that's how he has them hooked. Which leads me back to what we were originally talking about."

Reggie started bouncing around in excitement. "Aw girl, I'm seeing it. I am sooooo seeing it."

Johnson put his big hand on Reggie's shoulder to keep him still. "Good for you man, how about you lend us your glasses so the rest of us can see it."

Reggie shook his head. "Lydie is right. If you take out the boss dude someone else will only take their place and keep on keeping on doing the same thing. If you can't crush something to destroy it, you have to collapse it to bring it down. Think of it the same way Jax brought down the bridges. He collapsed them by taking out the supports."

"Huh?"

"Collapse of Matt's little empire man. Lydie started it by attacking the dam. First order of business is to find a way to keep it out of commission."

For the first time I saw Jules grin. "Wellllll, one of reasons I came down here was to tell you that from the sound of things I overheard while on comm is that the militia reported the bridge is too washed out to be worth repairing, they've declared it a total loss and said it wasn't worth sending them corps of engineer guys here from Chattanooga after all. They are going downstream to try and shore up the other dams that were damaged by the surge when our dam gave way."

Aston pantomimed spiking a football and Reggie did a spastic happy dance. Even Jax bumped fists with the rest of the guys. After they'd settled down some I said, "This is going to make our job easier."

Aiden asked, "Didn't you hear? The dam is damned. It went bye-bye."

"I heard, and that's good but it isn't enough. Matt is too invested in control and making his fantasies a reality. All he'll do is switch to a new tactic. Probably bio-fuel. Or some other recycling plan that would give him some kind of return to spend on his overall picture."

It was Reggie who said, "As long as he has a labor force and the resources to support them he'll just keep chugging along."

Nodding I said, "Exactly. And thers's no telling what he squirreled away from Delorey's business or even going back to when you guys were salvaging town after the initial attack. You've admitted that only Matt knew where all the caches were and what was in them."

That gave them something to think about.

Jax did his own nodding and said, "We've discussed all of this before. How do you plan on us using it against Matt?"

"Without a labor force, without a population to manipulate, Matt isn't anything. Remember this isn't high school where the projects were paper-bound theories that he could pull together with minimal physical effort on his part. Matt's talent these days lies in getting other people to do things for him. He plays foreman really well, worker bee not so much. He believes his job, his calling, is to get those theories off the paper but he sees himself as too good to do the manual labor involved. He's one of the elite. Everyone else is just slave labor."

Jax started to get it. "Take away his sphere of influence … his slaves. If he doesn't have enough people around to get his projects off the ground ..."

The other guys finally saw it. Johnson asked, "Are you talking about killing off the people in town? As much as I hate some of them I ... I don't know if I can ..."

Reggie answered for me, "Not killing off the people in town, killing off the town as a viable place to live for the people. If enough of them are only on Matt's side of the playing board because of what he can give to them, and what he could give them was tied to the dam ..."

Jax said, "Question is how do we take advantage of that and bring Matt down?"

"We don't necessarily. At least not yet. What we focus on right now is exacerbating the problem. Make them lose confidence in Matt faster than they inevitably will if he can't get the lights back on. Make sure they are hungry and that they stay that way. Give them reason to think the grass is greener someplace else. This isn't a sprint, this is a marathon and we need to pace ourselves. Moving too fast could be just as dangerous as doing nothing at all. We don't want to tip our hand."


	54. Ottoman Empire Part 2

**Ottoman Empire or That Thing You Put Your Feet On?**

Part 2

Gennie walked into the room, stopped and grinned. "Hey, look who has returned from the dead. Oh wait, you were never dead. And neither is Matt. Thought you were going to take him out. Instead all you do is lay around while the rest of us work. Thought you were going to ..."

Alexis grabbed Gennie by the nape of her neck and jerked her out of the study and into the hallway. "Sorry Lydie. Uh ..." She looked around and I gave a tired smile.

"Stop looking to see if I have a keeper. Yes, Jax knows I'm out of bed and downstairs. I actually made it down the stairs myself thank you very much."

Alexis grinned. "Good to see you up Girl."

"Good to be up." Nodding my head towards Gennie who was leaning against the wall and pouting I asked, "How is she?"

"Still living in la-la land but at least she is starting to cooperate with chores. Doesn't mean she is going to suddenly get any alone time. No play time either which means we are heading out to the garden. See you in a bit for the meeting."

"Yeah."

I wanted to be outside so bad it wasn't even funny. I'd never resented all of the work that I'd had to do on the home place but this was the first time in my life that I resented not being able to do any of the work. It was an irritating conundrum to live. Everyone kept telling me not to worry about it, that they had it covered. That only made me more resentful, made me feel more useless. On the other hand it gave me plenty of time to develop devious plans to thwart Matt's plans for this area.

First things first was a long confab with the Houchins farm. It started with Lon and Vern but soon included Mr. Houchins himself.

Getting his first look at me he was shocked and unable to hide it. "Dear Lord child, I ..."

"Don't sweat it Mr. Houchins. What is done is done and I'm on the mend."

Already having seen me Lon shook his head and muttered darkly, "If this is on the mend ..."

"Like I said, what is done is done. But I have to admit for right now I run out of energy faster than I'd like to so maybe we could just get back to it."

It was Vern who nodded his understanding and said, "We relayed what you wanted to do. As you can see Bonanza here decided he wanted to hear it for himself before we take part."

Mr. Houchins gave Vern a stern look. "Lydie I understand what you are wanting but these people have put their faith in my word to keep their locations secret."

"I understand that. And appreciate that you've been doing the same for our location. We aren't asking for you to divulge their whereabouts or who they are. We are merely asking you to relay some of our ... hmmm ... suggestions to those you consider trustworthy. I'm not going to ask outright since we don't need to know right now, but I'm sure there are some of the homesteads in the area that you know of that would take the information and use it to their personal advantage. Possibly even thinking they could sell it to Matt as a way to keep him off their back."

Lon, now beyond the need to constantly test me, said, "And you would have that right. So before we relay anything to anyone I want to know what this plan is and see if I can work it out for myself. And don't bother with the history lesson. Reggie has already been over it, given us all a headache, and I've even done some 'light' reading on the subject myself just to prove this dog isn't too old to learn a new trick. Just tell me how you mean for it to work against Matt."

"Matt is our primary target but he isn't our only target. We need to completely dismantle what the town represents in this area. As a base of operations it needs to cease to exist."

Mr. Houchins shook his head. "That's a tall order child and in all honesty one I'm not sure I can completely get behind. We need a center of trade in these parts." Which proved to me Mr. Houchins was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for being. He wasn't just some old farmer getting lucky in the apocalypse; he was a businessman who had an eye to the future. "If we destroy the town, the cost of doing business is going to skyrocket."

I grinned. "I remember a story that you and Dad used to tell about some drunk pigs."

Mr. Houchins tried not to smile, as the story was a particularly memorable one, but shook his head and asked, "And what the tarnation does drunk pigs have to do with what you're talking about? I'm almost afraid to know."

"Welllll, it isn't the pigs but the location of the story and the history behind it that might be an answer to what we need. At least on this side of the county. Aston and Johnson did a recon of the area in question and said that the river water was going back to its historical level and geographic norm."

Mr. Houchins' smile dimmed, his eyebrows went up, and then he surprised us all when he barked a loud laugh. "Ray's Landing?! Well my Lord, I ..." He nodded his head. "You know, that might well work. Assuming the water level cooperates. The buildings and all are still there too, or at least those that the historical society maintained are."

Vern asked, "What's she talking about?"

It was explained to everyone that while industry had created the town along the area called River Road, way back in the day, before the dams had changed the water level so dramatically, there had been a ferry crossing known as Ray's Landing. Even further back Ray's Landing had been a portage site for goods coming and going on keel boats and flat bottomed wooden barges.

"It wouldn't be like moving stuff by semi and dump truck loads but it would beat being completely dependent on bridges and paying the militia protection money for fuel and safe passage along the highways," I added.

Mr. Houchins nodded. "Well lets worry about moving goods when we have some goods to move. Looks like we've still got options one way or the other. Now what about the other pieces of this plan of yours?"

"It isn't my plan."

Jax insisted on reminding me, "You thought of it."

Not averse to taking some credit I agreed. "I may have come up with the initial idea but everyone has been adding to it. And I expect at the very least Lon and Vern have some ideas of their own or at least a few things they can tweak." Trying to get back on track I continued. "We know the destruction of the dam hurt Matt's plans. However, the pictures and reports coming in prove that he already had a Plan B on the drawing board. From the look of the set up Reggie and I both agree that it looks like there are two parts. First is a straight up liquid bio-fuel set up. It is bigger than what either of us have ..."

"Now just wait a minute," Lon interrupted but I was running out of steam and didn't let it go any further.

"Don't sweat it. No one said anything they weren't supposed to. It is just logical. Even salvaging all the farms in the area you wouldn't have had enough fuel to keep your outfit going this long. Especially not since there are others that were probably doing the same thing on a smaller scale at the same time. All, or at least most, of the fuel in town was taken after the initial terrorist act against the water supply. That leaves buying it from outside the area or creating your own. The federal government controls the fuel supply and it is primarily reserved for military use or the megafarms and major industry to keep the military complex up and running. So, you make your own. We don't need to know what you do with it, including selling it to other farmers."

Mr. Houchins looked momentarily uncomfortable then just brushed it off. "Now you're saying those people in town have a set up as well."

"Yes Sir, but it looks like they also are making charcoal. If I had to guess, based on the noise and the smoke, he is using it in those old steam engines from the Visitor's Museum. He's had them moved to the waterfront and from there I'm betting he is going to try and get some kind of water mill set up. I'm not sure yet whether the fuel is the goal or if he is going to manufacture something, either way the river will be a good way to carry away any undesirable contaminants."

"But you said that boy was a tree hugger type that was going for some kind of all-natural utopia."

"Sorta kinda. It is a technologically-based utopia but even as strung out as Matt is, he realizes reaching that goal is a long way off and requires intermittent steps he needs to attain first. He's got ideals certainly, but that doesn't mean he isn't willing to compromise temporarily if it means attaining his goals in the long run. What the preacher would have called situational ethics. He hates the very idea of pollution but he's realistic enough to know that right now he doesn't have the technology at his disposal to attain a negative carbon footprint."

"A negative what?"

Vern said, "Just tree-hugger mumbo jumbo. But I'm beginning to get what Lydie means. The dam is toast. But Matt was smart enough to have secondary plans ready to either run concurrently or instead of the dam in case it broke down."

I nodded. "Exactly. It is a means to an end and potentially a pretty profitable one. I think he is starting with ethanol ... probably salvaging all of those silos on the other side of the county. And before I forget if you see an uptick in rats instead of shooting them or poisoning them, live trap them if you can."

Mr. Houchins nodded. "We've got reports from some of our contacts that disturbing them silos has led to a lot of vermin problems. You planning on turning that back on the town I take it? If we don't do something quick they'll breed and mow down whatever we have in the fields."

Jax smiled, "Believe it or not it was Ginger that added that part."

Lon had a red-headed daughter and smiled before saying, "Oh I believe it. I heard about that time she ran into a rat in the barn."

Reggie smiled, "We were cleaning rat bits up for a while and the rabbits still sit up and salute when she comes in."

We all chuckled but then got back to it. "Still not seeing all of it Lydie."

"Excuse the mixing of metaphors but Matt is going to try the honey route for a while before he brings the stick out. He'll blame all the bad things that were occurring on the dead that are no longer around to defend themselves. He may even try and make it seem, without actually saying it, that the militia is the real enemy. That's been his style thus far and is the same thing he used to do when we were in school. Always have a mutual enemy to fight to keep anyone from realizing he was the real enemy until it was too late. He'll go to the farms he knows of and try and make friends; and make no mistake if he and Delorey didn't find them with the drones then the militia knows their coordinates and have likely shared the information with him. At first the trade will be advantageous to both parties if not a little more so to the farmers, then slowly the advantage will slide more to Matt though he ultimately may use the militia to get what he wants from the farms without paying for it. And as soon as Matt gets enough of the smaller farms in his pocket he'll either come after us or send the militia after us depending on how far his influence has spread at that point. And the smaller farmers will back him up, either because they've been turned against you or they've been taken over completely."

Mr. Houchins looked at Lon and Vern and they both nodded. He turned back to me and said, "Agreed. And that might already be happening to a few of them. Let's just say they ain't as welcoming as they used to be. Couple of 'em have even said outright that they don't need us anymore and not to bother coming around."

Jax asked, "Would you be averse to those that have turned hostile to you reaping some consequences for it?"

While Mr. Houchins looked uncomfortable Lon said, "Absolutely not. The enemy of my enemy might be my friend, but the converse of that is also true. The friend of my enemy is my enemy ... even if they used to be a friend. I wouldn't necessarily be in favor of complete destruction but compromising their ability to do business wouldn't be hard to swallow."

Reggie nodded. "Good. Aston and I are going out tonight and we're going to mess with their fuel delivery."

"Not more explosions?" Vern said like he had a headache coming on.

"Nope. That would tip our hand and make Matt too suspicious too soon. What we plan might make him wonder but there will be no proof that anyone did anything beyond having a bad batch come off the production line. I'm going to doctor the tanks with a couple of handy dandy ideas I picked up listening to our resident chemist ..."

"Knock it off Reggie," I told him, incidentally revealing how tired I was getting.

Vern said, "Reckon it might be time for us to be heading home."

Trying to save face I said, "A couple of more things if you have a moment. If you have the ability ... we suggest you start caching supplies if you haven't already started. I'll be blunt and honest and admit that we are doing that. If it isn't the forces from town it could be the militia coming out and knocking on our doors if not just kicking them in to take what they want."

"Not all of the militias have gone bad Lydie," Lon told me.

"I know. We can tell from the various radio transmissions we are picking up that the rogue militia around here are actually not how most are running; but hungry and desperate men are going to do things they might not under normal circumstances, especially if they believe the ends justifies the means at the time they are doing it. Plus they could get bad intel about us, make us out to be an enemy force, who knows, just anything. And, don't take this the wrong way but if I've thought about bringing down Matt's operation from inside, certainly someone else could think of doing the same to us."

"You think Matt knows?"

I shook my head at the question having already gone over it in my head numerous times. "Even if he has thought about it he won't consider it a real possibility. His ego simply won't allow him to believe it. It is what he does to other people, not what happens to him. That doesn't mean that he won't try and do it to us. Our group is small enough that we know each other's movements, would notice, that kind of attitude change, and we know what our weak link is."

"That little kid."

"Yeah. But with a group your size ... I mean no offense but ..."

Lon nodded as did the other two men. "None taken. You ain't the only ones with some that need more watching than they should. We're on it but the additional warning is warranted. We'll pass the word to be careful to others as well. Anything else?"

I nodded, nearly completely spent and having a hard time not showing it. "To work this plan is going to have to stay flexible. We'll work with you as much as possible, but we may have to take advantage of moments quicker than we can have a committee confab over. I expect it is going to be the same for you with your contacts. All I ask is we keep each other in the loop. Move too fast and put too much pressure and Matt is going to figure the game and change tactics and that will just waste everyone's time. I also don't want to set Matt up for assassination."

"Why not?"

It was Reggie who snickered and answered, "Taking out one queen might just be making room for the next one."

Jax rolled his eyes and explained to the men who had learned to be suspicious when Reggie started snickering. "Has something to do with ant mounds or termites. Basically we don't want to leave a vacuum for the next big bad to fill. Or panic those in town into moving their operation to somewhere less accessible to eradicating. We've got an inside track on Matt's way of thinking. The next guy we might not be so lucky with. The next town might be better protected"

"Understood," Lon said with a nod. "But it really is time for us to go. Clouds are looking a little heavy and I don't like all three of us being away at the same time these days."

Reggie followed them out and down the road as it was his turn to be on guard duty and Jules was already overdue for relief. Jax looked at me and I sighed. "Yeah, I know. Nap time."

"Don't get so frustrated Babe. You did really well today and you're starting to get your energy back faster. But overdoing it could set you back. Maybe not square one but backwards is not the direction you want to go no matter how far."

Despite trying to not show how irritated I was I still sounded petulant. "I get it Jax. It isn't a race it is a marathon."

He gave me his arm to lean on as I maneuvered up the stairs. "I knew you were smart. Just think of it the same way you are thinking of this campaign to bring down Matt's empire. Doing things too fast ... you'll undo every advantage you have."

"Don't start using reason and logic. I'll just get cranky."

Suddenly he lifted me up in his arms and started carrying me up the stairs like Rhett Butler. "Hey! I can walk."

"I know. But soon enough you'll be so strong that you won't need me to do this anymore. Besides, the doctor has ordered a special remedy for you today."

Running my fingers through his hair I said, "I might not need you to carry me, but it doesn't mean I won't want you to on occasion. As for the 'special remedy' how long until you have to take your shift on comm?"

Taking the remainder of the stairs two at a time Jax grinned and said, "I've got some time, especially since Ginger and Ash have the kids outside for some fresh air."

I gave him grin for grin and my best Scarlett I said, "Why Jax Remington, you sneaky ol' thang you."

The rest of the remedy my doctor ordered is no one else's business.


	55. Ottoman Empire Part 3

**Ottoman Empire or That Thing You Put Your Feet On?**

Part 3

I'd like to claim some Machiavellian super power for what came next but the most honest answer – whether at the time or viewed through historical perspective – is that human nature is very predictable on the macroscopic view.

Life on the home place continued to run pretty much as it had been running. June was boysenberries, broccoli, cherries, peaches, potatoes, rhubarb, and all the greens and herbs that we could harvest. I missed most of that work but it turned out not to be a disaster though more was dried than was canned. Some of that was the result of a lack of white sugar or honey as a sweetener but some of that was in the process of being rectified by the surprising turn of Reggie actually pulling things together enough to capture a couple of wild bee colonies and installing them in Dad's empty hives. Who would have thought it? Certainly not I and I had to add a new facet to the puzzle that was Reg.

While the home place may have run the same town life was evolving. After the destruction of the dam Matt instituted Plan B. The fruit of this plan was basically a cheap grade of ethanol made from the grains of the vermin infested and abandoned silos on the other side of the county. Jax and I spent many a moment bemoaning the fact that we hadn't secured at least some of that grain ourselves before the rats had gotten into it. It would have gone a long way towards easing some of the problems we faced as our own grain supply dwindled before we could plant and harvest more.

"I've seen that stuff … smelled it," Reggie said with a grin during one of our family meetings. "It's basically just moonshine … rot gut moonshine at that. Even without us spiking it that stuff is going to foul up machinery with too much use."

Jax nodded. "Most engines aren't meant to run pure ethanol to begin with. I wonder if they are thinning regular fuel with ethanol."

I shrugged. "Either or, it doesn't matter. What matters is results."

And what results they were. We didn't even have to sabotage very many batches to get the desired effect. Of course that's when we found out that Matt had some serious shade tree mechanics at his disposal. But that too backfired on Matt because his trademark slyness actually made the farmers suspicious.

First he'd send the mechanics out to repair machinery but not without a "guard" because of how valuable they were. Only "guard" turns out to be a serious number of "guards" that wind up never leaving because they've been ordered to not just protect the mechanic but to protect the farm. This disenfranchises the farmer and makes him a subsidiary – or slave depending on how you look at it – to the farm which is considered more important. This happened twice before the small landowners wised up. Eventually they didn't just stop asking for help from town for mechanical issues but stopped trading in the fouled fuel completely … or at least those that were strong enough were allowed to stop.

The second part of Matt's Plan B was actually quite ingenious and Reggie and I were a little jealous. Of the others, only Jax understood but he said it simply wasn't practical for an operation our size. I didn't disagree but that didn't mean that I was any less impressed. And yes, I can recognize and be impressed with Matt's intelligence while still despising most of his methods and ultimate goals.

Basically what Matt was doing was taking recycled materials and making briquettes that could be burned in open fires and in set ups that would operate steam engines. Had he used cleaner materials there is no telling where he could have taken his manufacturing where it would have ultimate led him. Matt's problem was that he despised the success of the industry he created so did not put his intellect to use enough to make the briquette endeavor even more successful.

Other people saw where the briquette work could go however and they wanted a piece of it. His underlings were the ones that really forced the people in town to work on scavenging materials that could be converted. They started by dismantling damaged structures around town and taking the materials to the old town dump where it was separated for recycling. Wood was the primary material they used to make the briquettes with but reports also came back that they were selling scrap metal to some out of town operation.

The success of the briquette industry had us feeling like our plans were slipping away but we stuck with patience and didn't attempt any overt action against the town. Eventually our subversive attacks began to pay off.

July was when I began to get my strength back and just in time too as this was the first month of plenty that we'd had since the last of the fall harvest. The ground was finally dry from all of the flooding and the corn started coming in, at least the sweet corn had. The field corn would still be another month off at least. The orchards had also started to produce with the first fruit being apricots, nectarines, peaches, plums, and more cherries that we could almost handle. The grape arbor was full to bursting though we did wind up losing a couple of vines to weaknesses caused by too much rain earlier in the season. The berry hedges produced hand over fist and it was here that we usually put Gennie to work because with the abundance she could eat as many as she picked without harming our food stores; blackberries, blueberries, boysenberries, gooseberries, and raspberries fields the brambles to overflowing. The garden came back after a very late start and we harvested beans, beets, broccoli, cabbage, cantaloupe, celery, carrots, peas, peppers, early potatoes, summer squash and enough cucumbers and tomatoes to make even the Houchins farm sit up and take notice.

In contrast, July is when the stress and poor nutrition really began to show in those living in town and in those that had become dependent on what the town claimed to be able to offer. Of course, we at least partially helped that along. We live trapped as many rats as we could and re-homed them into warehouses and buildings that we knew were being used as storage for the supplies that Matt rationed out. The rats themselves did plenty of damage to the supplies, and even the buildings, but there was also an unplanned consequence of this tactic.

On day in early August Vern hot footed it over to our place and said, "From here on out don't none of you mess with any rats."

Jax noted his palor and asked, "What's up that you didn't feel you could put it on the radiofax?"

"Because I wanted to make sure that you understood that Dad wasn't just back tracking on his stance."

"You mean about the small farms?"

"Yeah. Now look Jax, you make sure everyone understands."

"I will when you finally spit it out." Jax is a forgiving sort but he still held a quiet grudge over how I'd been treated and there simply was no back up in him when it came to some issues.

"We got word through a third party that they've got some kind of plague in town."

"Plague?!"

Vern described the symptoms and Jax said, "That sounds like an intestinal disease, not the plague."

"Ok, if it isn't the plague Mr. I've-Never-Been-To-Medical-School, what is it then?"

I'd heard the noise and quietly entered the room trying not to draw too much attention. On the other side of the room Reggie gave me a quick look before stepping up to Jax and saying, "Rats carry lots of crap that humans can catch but it is mostly bacterial."

Jax and Vern both turned to him. "Relax. Geez. Before I got involved I wanted to know the possible outcomes and whether it was worth spending the time doing it."

The two men relaxed and said, "Ok then, you tell us what this is."

"I can't tell you what it is, but I can't tell you what it might be. Salmonellosis. Puking and the runs, cramps, fever … like Jax said that ain't the plague but if enough people are coming down with it. Heck, it might not even be the rats transferring it but could be a bad batch of food."

I held up the wall and said, "It could be an accidental poisoning … or even a deliberate one. Why did you automatically assume it was the rats?"

Vern's panic began to subside. "Don't mind me. I just saw too much of this crap when I was active duty. I've had it you know."

"Had what?"

"Plague. Got bit by a rat over in a Somali village. They caught it in time obviously but it scared the … the crap out of our whole unit. Several of us were quarantined for over a month. Hate that ****."

"So maybe it isn't the rats."

"No, it's the rats. A mechanic came to one of the farms and was cussing about being bitten by a rat earlier in the day. Twenty-four hours later the guy is on his death bed and dies later that night."

Jax asked, "No one else caught it?"

"No."

Jax grabbed a couple of the books out of the library that he'd been studying and gave them a quick scan. "Could be Salmonellosis like Reggie said although that doesn't normally cause death except in infants and frail elderly or those with some other health problem. Could be Rat-Bite Fever which is more serious though that has a rash and you didn't mention one."

"Nope, no rash. I asked specifically."

"Then I'll stick with the forensics we do have and say that if it isn't Salmonellosis that it is something very close."

"So, not plague?"

"I don't think so. Not a hanta, lassa or hemorrhagic fever either as the symptoms aren't similar enough. Either way, from here on out we deal with rodents wearing heavy gloves and some kind of mask and goggles. We also need to secure the feed and food storage."

Vern nodded. "Mom is already hanging hot peppers every place you can imagine, this is only going to make her even crazier about it."

Reggie laughed, "What? She thinks all the mice and rats are related to Speedy Gonzalez?"

I threw a dish towel at Reggie and said, "Hot peppers can kill mice and mess up rats. Or did you think I put cayenne pepper flakes in the chicken feed just to BBQ them on the hoof so to speak?"

Reggie shook his head. "I don't believe you."

"Well believe this Einstein, there is a pepper over in India that is so strong that it is used to keep elephants away."

Reggie continued to think I was pranking him until he found it doing some research the next day on natural rodent repellents. We all had a good laugh, even Reggie, who had begun to relax enough that he and Ginger were really starting to explore whatever it was between them.

Just to be on the safe side though Jax asked that we restrict all of our recons to far-viewing. And just to be safe he also had a decontamination routine he put anyone that went off the property through once they returned. Even though it caused some grumbling on occasion everyone suffered through because of Ashley's baby, Kellie, and while I hated to admit it, me. It wasn't just the infants and little kids that could get killed by that kind of illness. I was on the mend and even looked and acted normal most of the time but it would not have taken much to set me back to square one as I was still slightly anemic and kept catching every little cold that went through the house. It was frustrating.

But a couple of weeks later, for one of our weekly meetings, Ashton brought back pictures of huge "burial pits" that they were just dumping bodies into before throwing eco-fuel in and lighting ablaze all grumbling stopped. Whatever was going through town was definitely in the moderately deadly range.

"Could it be another terrorist attack?" Ashley asked as she held her son protectively.

Ashton who'd already asked the question out of her hearing told her, "Don't think so Hon. Just some of Matt's tactics are coming back to haunt him."

"How so?"

Ashton looked at Jax to explain it the way he had earlier. "Matt, just like Delory and Suicide before him, is keeping all but his top people on short rations. It still looks like they are trying to eat the way they always have … canned and boxed foods, liquor and drugs, cigarettes even if they are home-rolled. We've all seen that they are getting some stuff from the militia but what is coming in looks like more of the same just with generic labels rather than name brand stuff. About the only thing that I've seen come in that isn't like that is those big bags of white rice and rice is nothing but carbs with very little nutrition."

Alexis added, "We've all heard the radio. Lots of problems occurring that could be prevented with better nutrition. Most everyone isn't getting the good stuff we've been getting."

Gennie snorted. "The good stuff? This crap is all just poor food. Beans and vegetables. I'd kill for a pizza … a slice of bread … or even them nasty corn bread things."

Janice gave Gennie the look and she shut up. She still pouted but at least she shut up. All of us were missing bread. August had been a duplication of July only with the addition of several varieties of pears, but the field crops were still barely producing and that meant that bread wasn't exactly super available on the menu.

Jax got the meeting back on track by asking, "Lon and Vern brought some news and we compared it to some things that we've been hearing and it looks like Matt might be on the move."


	56. Ottoman Empire Part 4

**Ottoman: Empire or That Thing You Put Your Feet On?**

Part 4

Looking back I wonder how other people didn't see what Matt was doing, what he was planning. Everyone claimed to see it in hindsight. But why did it have to be me that was so intimately familiar with the way his mind worked in foresight?

"Babe? You need to sleep."

I looked at Jax and nodded. "I know it."

"But you're still thinking about Matt. You're still going to give him head space when you need to turn it off."

I could hear something in his voice that I hadn't heard in a long time. "It isn't because I'm enjoying it."

"Then let it go. Stop thinking about him all the time. Isn't it bad enough he almost killed you once? My God, you're barely healed up, still aren't back to where you used to be completely! I … I should have been the one … not you. I don't think I could handle losing you. Not again."

I slid over to his side of the bed where he was sitting taking off his shirt. I rubbed his back and asked, "You didn't lose me. And you aren't going to lose me. You certainly aren't going to lose me to him. Ever."

"Don't make promises like that. I've already been through ... "

I got closer and did what he liked and it distracted him for the duration but right as we were both going to sleep I heard him mumble, "You're thinking about him again."

"I wasn't until you brought it up."

"Then I didn't say anything."

"Good. Because ..." then he snored.

And I hadn't been thinking about Matt ... until Jax brought him back up and suddenly sleep was eluding me once again.

See I had figured out — or was nearly positive I had figured out — Matt's next move. I didn't know whether to feel triumphant or cry at the sadness because all it did was prove that Matt, for all his genius, couldn't grow beyond what he already knew. It was just another variation on the same themes that Matt had used over and over in gaming. Now that I had his number — Reggie saw it too though he wasn't as angst ridden about it – I couldn't believe no one else could predict where Matt would jump next on the game board. Reggie enjoyed what to him was simply a triumph, he refused to feel bad for Matt.

I wasn't exchanging my fear _of_ Matt for fear _for_ Matt. I didn't feel bad _for_ Matt in the way that Reggie and Jax imagined. Strangely I was starting to pity him. Perhaps that was just as dangerous but at the same time I had to be honest. I could see it if none of the others could quite believe me when I explained things to them. I forgave Matt for my sake, not his; not even for Jax's. I did it so I could dump the baggage and keep my brain from being scrambled any more than it felt like it already was. I just wasn't up for losing control of my temper, feeling those kinds of emotions. I'd stopped letting my reaction to Matt control me. It wasn't compassion I felt; it was pity.

It was all getting away from Matt. The kite was stuck in a tree. The string was unraveling. The orchestra no longer followed the conductor if they ever had. Maestro was turning out to be just some little man hiding in fear behind a curtain … not a wizard, just a snake oil salesman. Or maybe the bigger truth was we were all outgrowing Matt and for all of his genius he just couldn't keep up.

It was a precarious time. I knew that once Matt realized he was no longer — had never been — whatever it was that he imagined himself to be, that he was going to have a meltdown. And that meltdown was going to be big and nasty in scale and scope. I wasn't sure what he planned as a swan song but I knew he had one planned.

He'd more than once expressed an admiration for the scorched earth military strategy used by the Cossacks. They were being forced back by Napoleon's army but in the end, though they retreated it was actually the French that suffered greater fatalities and the ultimate loss because the Cossacks burned everything in their wake so that the enemy couldn't use it. I'd seen him incorporate it into RPGs when, in a rare turn of events, he started to lose. He'd kill everyone and everything the game allowed him so that the enemy had nothing to work with, nothing to hide behind, no life points to gain. Then the effort was to stay alive just long enough for the other player/enemy to run out of energy and die first. All he needed to win was to be the last man standing.

I'd mentioned this as a warning in the last family meeting we'd had and it was Ginger — in her own strange way — who actually got the others to understand what I was talking about. "You mean like the last episode of _Little House on the Prairie_?"

"Uh ..."

"You know, they tried to keep the railroad from buying Walnut Grove but they lost. Only they decided to lose on their own terms. They used dynamite to blow up every building in town. I just cry buckets every time I see it. All the places that were so familiar ... the store, the mill, the church ... they blew it to smithereens rather than let the railroad have it. The railroad was hacked but see they'd only bought the land ... not what was on the land. So even though Laura and the others technically lost, they morally won."

Ashton started snickering until I said, "Actually that is exactly what I think Matt would do and how he would see it. He'd blow the town or sabotage it ... something devastating ... so that no one else could get any use out of it. He'd view it as a moral win."

Johnson said, "We don't need the town. We haven't salvaged anything from there in months."

That's when it clicked for Jax. "Actually we do need the town. Remember what Mr. Houchins said about trade and stuff like that. Or maybe not the town as it is, but the idea of the town. We need to either be able to control who goes in next or at least have some control or vetting so that they don't become the next enemy we have to defend against. If he does something to contaminate the river or … I don't know, create his own plague situation … we could be cut off by the militia or military, they could come here and forcibly evacuate everyone … I really don't know what Matt could create exactly, but I do know he is capable of creating something that could hurt those of us left behind."

Later Reggie and Ashton cornered me and wanted to know how worried I was. "Guys, can't you feel it?" That's when I told them I sensed it was getting away from Matt's control. "That dovetails into what Vern and Lon have overheard."

Ashton said, "Just because there is noise that DHS is coming in to draft people and Matt is trying to move his favorite scum to safety ..."

"I'm not sure that he is."

Both guys were confused. "Wait ... what?"

"I think it is some kind of trick. The same sort of trick he pulled on Suicide and ..."

"And those of us that were there in the beginning," Ashton said with a growl when I was wary of finishing my sentence.

Carefully I said, "Yeah. Like that. He's taking out the nearest competition, knocking back those that might be getting too strong or too confident in their own abilities, those that might have gotten too popular or have too many friends."

Reggie nodded. "Sounds like something the little tyrant would do. But if he does it, it isn't going to leave him much to work with."

The house isn't that big and it didn't take much to draw other people's attention. Alex who'd joined the casual discussion said, "So what's the plan?"

"Ours or his?"

"Ours, his ... just explain it," she said as exhausted as the rest of us after a long day of trying to get by and survive without anyone else's help.

Sitting in the chair Jax gently pushed me into I explained it as I saw it happening. "Those buses aren't to 'save' people ... they're for an escape. Matt wouldn't pour that much effort into something that is just going to be used by others and then discarded. That one bus in particular we have pictures of is being gutted and refitted with too much luxury."

"Yeah, it looks like it is fit for a king."

"Exactly. That one is for Matt's use. The game is usually played thus ... Matt gets in a bind of some type. He gathers a small subgroup and claims he is sending them to safety but they can't let the group at large know that they are the elites and his most important troops. Because they are so important to him – and because he is such a great guy – he himself will fool the enemy and lead them away to protect this gullible sub-group. Usually in this sub-group are people that Matt distrusts or hates for some reason that only he knows … keep your friends close and your enemies closer. But the reality is rather than protecting this sub-group what Matt actually does is use them as bait to draw the heat off of himself … he sacrifices them like pawns. I suspect Matt is going to get rid of those he considers his most immediate problems. Then he is going to act as savior, pack up the few survivors, and move to a new hive location. As he leaves he'll salt the ground behind him so no one has the resources or assets to come after him."

"Salt the earth ... what that's supposed to mean?"

"It means make whatever they have to leave behind unusable."

"Not exactly Geneva Convention approved."

I shrugged, "It's been going on for centuries. Heck, Vlad the Impaler used it against the Ottoman Empire."

"Vlad the Impaler? You mean that dude that Dracula is supposed to be?!"

I snorted at Julian's response. "Yep. Same one. It was a favorite tactic of his and he isn't the only one. Darius of Persia, the Greek general Memnon, the Gauls against the Romans, the Carthaginians. It was used by various people to try and prevent the Vikings from moving inland from the coastal regions. William the Conqueror used it punitively to punish those he vanquished. The English used it again against the Irish. In the modern era another example is how Sherman used it to subdue and subjugate the South as he plowed through places like Atlanta. Do you want more examples? Because I can keep going."

"God no," Johnson mumbled. "You make my head hurt when you start up with that crap."

"Fine. Just so long as you understand. Matt may be on the ropes but he is still dangerous. We're going to have to be very careful how this gets addressed. And ... I might have an idea but we could be opening up another can of worms."

That's when I said if we could come up with some way to open a dialogue with DHS, or someone like DHS, and tell them about Matt and his plans. "But what we all need to remember is that to us Matt is a big deal. To other people in other areas he is no one. To the large groups like the government Matt isn't even on the radar as they are dealing with a world war, invasions, and trying to contain the civil war that keeps trying to break out in this country."

"Matt will just wind up doing what he did here someplace else."

"Maybe. He'll try that's for sure. But he could hook up with powerful people that won't take him for granted and they'll use him and make him worse. He'll be their puppet."

"Or they'll kill him for getting in their way."

I nodded. "Or that. I think that is the one thing that has kept Matt from moving on before now. Here he is a big fish. Out there he's going to have to start at square one or even zero or lower. He's going to be competing against people that have already established themselves and their reputations for success, who already have a power base."

Jax crouched beside me and asked, "Lydie, how sure are you that this is his next move?"

I looked at Reggie and he gave a slow nod. I turned to the others. "I can't give you 100%. I wish I could but this ... this feels like Matt. And while he's changed ... it's been a limited change. He continues to do things the way he always has, just on a bigger scale. Pull the curtain back and he's just the same high school kid pulling the same levers attached to the same sticks and carrots he's always used."

They aren't convinced. That is what is keeping me up. I'm second guessing myself while at the same time I'm getting frustrated. They want answers from me but when I give it to them they don't necessarily believe it. I can't blame them for that. It is actually a healthy system of checks and balances. At the same time ...

At least they've agreed to talk it out with Vern and Lon, see what they think. For my part I'm almost positive of Matt's next moves. I'm less positive that I've come up with the right response.


	57. Ottoman Empire Part 5

**Ottoman: Empire or That Thing You Put Your Feet On?**

Part 5

September is the time of year when the temperature begins to cool. By the end of the month it can be more than cool. September is also when you start thinking of winter, but only in a far off fuzzy way. But not that year. That year winter was upper most in our minds around the farm.

With the late start to the year and then having to replant what little we could after the floods receded, we were on a race to play catch up. September was the last month of big harvests. The apples and pears would hopefully continue to produce into October but after the damage to blooms early on, what was being harvested seemed much less than last year's plenty. The fruit wasn't as large or pretty either which told me that they needed something … more compost, more spray, more pruning, I wasn't sure … and didn't have it to give. We'd have to watch freeze damage once it got good and cold or we'd harvest even less the next year, and have nothing to replace it with.

Beans would likely be our salvation though we were running out of rice to go with them to make a complete protein. We were coming to the end of the fresh greens as well as we harvested beets, broccoli, cabbage, wild greens, domestic greens, and herbs.

The cantaloupes and watermelons added to the grapes and peaches to keep us in sweet fruit though raccoons got into the garden and stole or damaged more than we could afford to lose before Jax put an end to the robber's existence. I put the robber on the menu and once he was baked up with carrots and sweet potatoes not even Gennie turned her nose up at first … or second … helpings.

We traded squash – both summer and winter – as well as peppers with the Houchins farm in exchange for some heirloom tomato varieties that I'd never grown. They were as happy to have the squash as we were the tomatoes as some kind of beetle had gotten into their garden and done a lot of damage before the kids could pick them all off the plants.

In addition to the beans, white potatoes would probably be a staple at least at one meal a day during the winter. I'd still been fairly weak when they were planning that part of the garden but I had been awake long enough that I cut the seed potatoes for planting. They were half the size that I could ever remember planting and I was worried that they wouldn't make. And when something started digging up the tubers not long after planting I worried so much it almost made me ill all over again. Ashton and Johnson took turns patrolling the fields and whatever had been doing the digging stopped … whether animal or human we never found out.

The sweet corn made plenty, so did the popcorn. The problem was that the ears were smaller and some didn't make kernels all the way to the tip. The same was true of the heirloom dent corn that was earmarked for turning into cornmeal and animal feed. Not having commercial fertilizers or enough manure was really beginning to show in everything's growth and production. Next year we knew it was likely to be even worse.

The one thing that didn't seem to be phased were the cucumber and zucchini plants. The difference between that year and earlier ones was that no one was groaning when it was put on the table for the umpteenth time for the week. Everyone was hungry. Everyone was hungry all the time. We all worried that if we were this hungry now, when so much food was being preserved, what was winter going to be like. We weren't just worried, some of us were scared. And I numbered myself among them.

The other girls and I had just brought the first ripe pumpkin in from the field to clean and slice for baking when Jules came bounding down the stairs looking for Jax.

"You too Lydie. Something is going on. Vern has his ears on too. Looks like DHS showed up in town a little early and it sounds crazy."

Alexis stepped outside and whistled the guys in from the barn and we all filed up to the attic to listen. Vern and Lon would occasionally send us a comment over the radiofax but for the most part all we could do was sit there and decode what was going on based on the chaos of people begging for Matt to come save them like he had promised and the comments from the DHS patrol that we picked up.

When the radio quieted down it was Ginger who summed it up by saying, "That was sick and I don't mean that in a good way."

I was thinking, trying to look into a future that was foggy. The others talked around me for a bit having recognized the symptoms. I wasn't zoned out, I was hyper focused. It was Gennie who lost patience first and nudged my ankle. "So … what's it mean? Give already."

I looked at the girl who only a few months earlier I had considered selling to the gypsies and shook my head. Gennie still rubbed me the wrong way but at least she had backed off her hate enough that it didn't steal all the air out of the room.

"I think he's playing 'possum."

"What's that mean?"

"You heard them calling for a medic and then for their psych eval team as they lined people up and separating them off. They were splitting them off and pulling out the able bodied men first, then the able bodied unattached females. Those got bussed off to some kind of training facility. Able bodied females with children and anyone under thirteen who claimed to be an orphan were put into another group and bussed off to a work farm. Anyone that was medically or mentally unfit were being sent to the other side of town. We'll need to find out what is going on there, and soon. The last group looked to be the thirteen to seventeen year olds who were sent to some kind of industrial facility, presumably where they are going to be trained to build the tools of war."

"Huh?"

Reggie snorted. "Munitions plant … somebody has to make the bombs and bullets you know."

She got quiet, then wonder of wonders she sat down at my feet and said quietly, "Don't let them send me to one of them places. I … I don't wanna make those things. I wanna stay here."

I could see Reggie tuning up to say something that wouldn't be helpful so I forestalled him by telling her, "When I invited you to live here Gennie I meant it. You just have to help out and not create problems. If you can do that then we'll all do what we can to protect you."

She looked at me like she was seeing me for the first time but all she answered was, "Ok."

When she went back to looking at her shoes I glanced around and saw that most people were looking at her like she'd suddenly sprouted a third head with green hair and purple boogers. Catching Jax's eye he gave a small nod. Detente had been temporarily agreed upon.

Ashton interrupted the quiet to ask, "Do you believe that Matt was really given a mentally unfit whatchamacallit?"

"A mentally unfit designation? I believe he was given one, someone using his names definitely did. I believe he deserves that designation." I put my hand up to forestall any comments until I could finish. "I believe he was given one and deserves it; however, I also believe he manipulated the situation so he would be left behind. I think he is still going to try and implement with his getaway plan."

Jules copied my comment onto the radiofax and Vern replied, "I concur. Boy got himself what amounts to a military section 8 on purpose. Question is why."

"Because," I said reminding them. "Matt doesn't like to play the game by other people's rules. If he can't control the board then he leaves the board. If he isn't sure he is going to win the game he chooses not to play."

Reggie said, "You sure Lydie? Because in his shoes I would have let DHS take me and then I would have attached myself to someone powerful. He could have started his games all over … trading up with each move."

"You forget one thing."

"What's that?"

Before I could answer Jax grimaced and shook his head as he saw it. "He's a snob. And he still believes in all of that utopian crap. Those DHS patrols didn't sound like much more than crowd control keystone cops. Until Matt can be sure that whoever he is attaching himself to is at least temporarily worthy of his support he won't jump into the next frying pan."

I nodded. "This presents a problem. For him and for us."

Johnson shook his head and said, "Just explain it already Lydie. I need to get back out to the barn and unload that corn before it gets dark."

Ashton agreed and added, "Yeah and I need to get going on getting those logs split. I'm not going to live splinter-by-splinter again this winter."

It just hit me all of a sudden. I started chuckling, then laughing, then I was practically hee-hawing and there were more than a few in the room that thought maybe I was in need of a mentally unfit designation.

Jax picked me back up where I'd slid to the floor I was laughing so hard. "Lydie? Babe? Uh …"

"Oh God. Don't you see? Didn't you just listen to yourselves?"

Reggie gave a disgruntled, "Not seeing the humor here Lydie."

"Geez you guys. For months now Matt has been the boogie man. He was the greatest enemy, the most dangerous foe. You spent endless hours trying to figure out what he was going to do to us next; what Big Bad he was going to invite to stomp on us. You used to question me ad nauseum trying to figure out why Matt is like he is. You had nightmares about him. You questioned whether he would ever lose."

"And?"

"Listen to what you just said. Getting in the corn and chopping the wood is much more important than anything Matt is going to do. You almost don't even have the patience to make the time to think about him. Don't you get it? You don't have to worry whether Matt will ever lose because we've already won. He's running out of lives, running out of energy points. He's flickering out of existence."

Vern radiofax'd over that he wanted a confab and would Jax mind bringing me to the midway point. I signaled in the affirmative and then turned to find everyone looking stunned.

I was about to head downstairs and get ready when Gennie stopped me with a pull on my pants leg. "But … but he's still alive."

"Yeah. And we still need to be careful which is why Jax is going to drive me over for a meet up. But we aren't just living in this little bubble that Matt controls. The bubble is gone and it is not coming back."

"So's everything is going to be ok now?"

I sighed. "No … not yet. But it will be better for our heads from now on. Matt can't hide in the closet or under the bed anymore. He's not the boogie monster. We see him for what he is … not how he sees himself or how he wants us to see him. He's just a shadow. And how do you get rid of a shadow?"

After thinking a moment she answered, "Put light on it."

"Exactly."


	58. Ottoman Empire Part 6

**Ottoman: Empire or That Thing You Put Your Feet On?**

Part 6

Three days later another confab was held. "You sure about this girl? It would be a relief for all of us if you are and if it works."

"Lon, it isn't about me being sure. I've been sure all along that Matt was beatable. Even after I almost ran out of life force …" I stopped when Jax started growling. "When I got sick, even at my lowest point, I was always sure that Matt was beatable … even if I wasn't the one that wound up beating him I knew someone would."

"Ok fine, I'll even give you that point," Vern agreed. "But I'm talking THIS plan. Are you sure about it?"

"As sure as I can be."

Vern scratched the back of his head and I noticed his hair was thinning back there. It made him look older. For that matter I was beginning to notice everyone looked older. Hard work and a lot of worries will do that to you. "This isn't the time to go soft on Matt," he finally said.

"If you are worried about hurting my feelings then you can put it to rest. I get it. I'm sure in all fuss and bother of the last couple of days someone has reported that I've said I pity Matt. And I'm sure that has you concerned; you are wondering if I'm going soft. Don't let it. I can pity him. I might even be able to generate a little compassion for him just to practice my own humanity. That doesn't mean that I think consequences should be withheld."

"There's consequences and then there are consequences," Lon reminded me.

Jax said, "I'm willing to do the deed."

I looked at all three men and sighed. "You aren't going to like me saying this but here it is. I don't think we should be the ones to execute him. I'm not even sure executing him is the best solution."

Jax hunched his shoulders and said, "Kinda late to be discussing this."

"Yeah. The Chattanooga Militia already picked him up," Lon said.

"And he'll be tried in a court of law … a real one run by real lawyers with a real judge and a real jury and his Constitutional rights will be assured and yada, yada, blah, blah, blah. Bottom line is Matt will have his day in court. I have no doubt that he'll be convicted as an accessory to Baumgarten's criminal activities. My best guess is that those in the local militia that were arrested have already, or will soon, turn on him to save their own skin … they've got more to lose as several of them are facing either a firing squad or immediate transportation to the front lines."

Jax sighed. "He'll try and blame you for the dam."

"Won't work."

"You keep saying that."

"And I mean it. The dam was already marked down as an act of God due to the flooding. We weren't the only ones worrying that the wash outs around the spill ways were going to cause a collapse. As far as the rest of it? Even if a few think he might be telling the truth who is really going to think some poor, sick girl created all the mayhem in town? That isn't even the focus of the investigation which is more about Baumgarten. What's he going to do? Blame me for that too when they'll likely have all of these other depositions that point everything right back to him?"

Lon shook his head and said, "God forgive me but if this plan of yours works, it isn't all that satisfying Lydie, not after all we've gone through and all we've suffered." He looked at Jax then and said, "I know he's your family but …"

Jax shook his head. "By blood. The rest of what could have been died a long time ago. And if there had been any left, what he did to Lydie killed what was little there was."

"Jax …" I said, putting my hand on his arm. The muscles were bunch stiffly and I could tell he was trying to control the anger he still felt.

Eventually he put his hand over mine to let me know that he knew I was more concerned for him than anything else. Directing his comments to Lon and Vern he said, "I'm … well, maybe ok isn't the word for it but I've accepted the way things have turned out. Matt wrote his own story. Nothing I tried to do changed the direction he chose. Now he has to pay the piper."

I said, "He'll do that."

Vern asked, "Will he? Boy might just talk his way out of this one too."

I admitted that, "He will undoubtedly try. He may even be able to keep himself from winding up in front of a firing squad. But he won't escape. He isn't Delorey Baumgarten. He's not scary enough. If he tries to use what secrets he may have picked up about people from those quarters more than likely he'll just wind up beat up or found dead in his cell or something equally as nasty."

Lon nodded and said, "That's harsh but I can see it happening. With the backlog gone from the justice system trials are coming faster and with the war on, sentences are being carried out without appeals and fanfare. We've heard through the grapevine that they are already pulling together a jury and the trial is going to start as soon as they can get him to the court house. The only reason they expect the trial to last more than a few hours is the length of time the prosecutor is asking so they can read out all of the charges and present evidence against Matt. Apparently he wasn't as hidden behind the scenes as he thought."

Jax nodded. "If Matt is expecting to be able to put on a show he's in for a shock."

I agreed and added, "This isn't high school. This isn't small town. He wanted to play with the big dogs … this is what it means."

Everything else said before Jax took me back was just a repetition of what had already been said. After everyone was tired of repeating themselves the meeting broke up; we had chores to finish before it got dark. We were almost home when Jax took a left turn and we bumped down a road full of pot holes to a small cul-de-sac where three empty slabs sat. Even the bolts that the trailers had been strapped to were gone. Tall grass grew in every direction.

Looking around I said, "Things have definitely changed. But if you expect me to get out and see if anymore spiders are around you can think again."

Jax relaxed but only a little. "Yeah. Have the girls mentioned anything yet?"

I gave a small grin realizing Jax was still careful to include me in everything even if the others still occasionally treated me like spun glass. "You mean about Ashton and Reggie trying to figure out a way to build their own homes?"

"Yeah. I told them to leave it until after the whole Matt situation was brought under control but …"

"But Ginger thinks she might be pregnant and Alex and Johnson are finally getting serious as well."

"Throw in Janice and Aiden …"

I nodded. "The house is going to resemble a bunny hutch pretty soon if we don't create some space."

"Pretty much," he agreed nervously. Then he asked, "Are you ok with that?"

"The bunny hutch or the spreading out?"

"Spreading out."

"So long as you and Kelly don't 'spread out' then I figure it is just what was always going to happen anyway."

"What if we get stuck with Gennie?"

Uncomfortably I admitted, "I haven't thought that far ahead. I'd rather not think too far ahead yet if you don't mind. The logistics of trying to make sure everyone has what they need to start up is starting to make my chest tight and my stomach churn. It is going to be hard enough to get through winter with all of us under one roof. Trying to do it for … Jax I just can't think about it right now."

He reached over and took my hand. "Then let it go. I probably shouldn't have brought it up. I just didn't want you to think stuff was being hidden from you. I actually think, even with all of us working and helping, it is going to be months before everyone has a place of their own and I don't think it is even feasible to start any serious plans until after it has dried up next Spring."

I nodded and tried to work the tension out of my neck. "You know, I think everyone moving out on their own worries me more than Matt ever did … or … or at least as much anyway."

"I thought you said you needed to let it go."

"I do. It is just hard. Nature abhors a vacuum. Since our big worry is going away my brain is looking for the next one."

"How about your brain takes a small vacation so you can rest."

"I feel like I've done nothing but rest since I blew the dam."

"Wrong. If you had rested your recovery wouldn't have taken so long." Debating something he finally asked, "When are you going to tell the others?"

"Not until we're sure. You said you can't tell yet so it is possible that I'm not. I'm not feeling any different … to the good or to the bad. I've only missed once. And if I am I want to keep it between just the two of us for as long as we can."

"You're … you're sure?"

"Yeah. We need to have something for ourselves alone before it becomes group property."

"Oh," he said like he'd been thinking something totally different.

I asked, "Have you already said something?"

"No. I … I guess I just worried that you were … I don't know … uh … unhappy about the timing."

We still ran into each other's insecurities back then. Finally understanding his hesitancy I told him, "If I am … if we are … I'll be happy. I just don't want to be disappointed if I'm not."

"Oh. Disappointed. Yeah. Ok … we keep it between us." Then he winced and shook his head. "I don't even want to think about what Reggie is going to come up with for commentary."

I smiled with grim humor and said, "I wouldn't worry about Reggie. He's going to be too busy trying not to walk into walls and doors every time he thinks about Ginger being pregnant. Or did you think the dayglow green he has been sporting around his mouth was his natural color?"

Jax got a laugh out of that but then became serious once again. "Sorry you got caught up in Jules' hissy fit this morning when he found out I'd accepted some stuff from the people out of Chattanooga."

"Not a prob. Jules is just feeling …"

"Like a fifth wheel. Everyone else is pairing off only there's no one for him but some little girl that he can barely stand."

I nodded. "Aiden thinks … well Janice says Aiden thinks that Jules may not even make it through the winter. That he may take off to go look for … for whatever happened to the adults and other kids, to see if any of their family has survived and if so why they never came to look for them."

"If he does I wish him luck. He needs something we can't give him … a direction of his own. He and Johnson almost got into it the other day."

"Still no reason for him to go off on you because you accepted the vitamins and those Kid Kare packages. They weren't paying us for being informants, it was just good will kind of thing since they aren't going to be able to set up a med center in this area like people expected them to."

"I know it. Aiden and Janice got him calmed down just in time to keep Alex from clocking him about being late for relieving her at the overlook. Jules is going to have to be watched. I was hoping with Gennie calming down …"

"Yeah ,,, the drama. Sometimes I wonder if we're going to outlive it or what."


	59. Hindsight is 2020 Part 1

Hindsight is 20/20 Except for those that Wear Blinders Part 1

I'd give a lot to say that my prediction came true but as with all things in life there are always those surprises. It isn't that Matt wasn't prosecuted for his crimes. And it isn't that Matt didn't go to jail for those crimes. It isn't even that Matt wasn't scheduled to be executed for his crimes. All three of those took place. Except the execution never took place. Somehow, some way Matt managed to find a way to pull himself out of the ashes at the last second.

"What?!"

"Easy Son, I'm only relaying what came down the information pipeline."

"No. No way. My uncle … He's alive?!"

We were all in shock. Well angry too as we were still recovering from hearing that Matt had been transferred to federal custody and moved to a facility out west.

Mr. Houchins had thought it important enough – and potentially upsetting enough – that he had Lon bring him to the Home Place. Honestly, when I first saw his face I thought there had been a death in the family; instead we find out that it was the opposite and it was for Jax. Of course, Jax reacted to it almost like it was a death.

It took a while to get the whole story – weeks and months of time as bits and pieces would reach us so that a clear picture and timeline could be constructed. Rather than dying Matt's father had been bodily co-opted by certain powers that be to save what infrastructure assets could be saved in certain locations out in Colorado. Why Colorado? Possibly because of his experience with dams. However, what those assets were in the beginning have never been clear as it seemed that no matter what they tried the cascading effect of failures kept them on the move hopping from one bad spot to another. All we knew is that Matt was gone and not coming back. Ultimately we had no choice but to accept that what energies we had needed to be focused on our own survival. There was a bitterness that would have probably overtaken us if we hadn't had so many other things that needed our full attention.

I was pregnant. Boy was I pregnant. To the hilarity of all, except for Jax and I, we eventually presented Kelly with a set of twin brothers. And this in the midst of Ginger's pregnancy where Jax and I got our turn when poor Reggie collapsed upon hearing he had a daughter. Ginger and I went into labor within twelve hours of each other and Jax swore that if any of us did that to him again he'd cork half of us and tie a knot in the other half and that was all he was saying on the subject.

It took a month before Johnson and Alex could even get up the nerve to tell him that they'd miscounted as well and were due one of their own six or seven months down the road. I thought poor Jax was going to hyperventilate. Lon and Vern had a lot of fun at our expense, calling the Home Place the "Rabbit Hutch" on the radio. Or at least they did until their daughters informed them they'd be grandfathers sooner rather than later.

Time and energy. They were suddenly in very short supply for everyone; and what there was seemed to get away from us and move too fast. It took not one year but two for everyone to move to their own places year round. They tried to work it out that first year but what sufficed in the Spring, Summer, and Fall was simply too inadequate for the winter.

On top of the micro-environment we lived in, there were a great many changes that came during those two years out in the rest of the world. The war we faced was unlike any the world had seen before. World War One was supposed to have been the war to end all wars. It wasn't. World War Two was supposed to take care of the problems left over from WW1. It didn't. World War Three was … well it was terrible. There are still places on earth not fit for human habitation, some of them even here in this country. Not even the technology we have today is speeding up the process of the earth healing from the wounds inflicted upon it.

In hindsight had the war just been one of nuclear attrition it would have been over in a short period of time. Instead what we had to deal with was the occasional limited nuclear exchange, as well as some dirty bombs deployed by terrorists that never claimed responsibility out of fear of retaliation. There was also bioterrorism and the use of so many conventional weapons that we wondered where all of it was coming from.

During those two years something happened in our own government and there was a … I guess basically the Pentagon took control of the Executive Branch of the government because the Executive Branch either had their head in the sand or in their own backsides and nothing was getting accomplished. Many of them simply hid in the "continuity of government" bunkers waiting for the end of the world to get over with. Those that weren't running around like lunatics or frozen like ice dummies were throwing the men and women of our armed forces around in such a way as it was plain that they had no understanding of war and no care that their ill-thought out chess moves were resulting in hundreds and thousands of our forces dying or being so injured they could not go back to fight another day. It was at that point that the Pentagon finally put a boot to the backsides of some that hadn't expected it and changed the game from chaos and insanity back to one that, while not bloodless, relied on real strategy that had as its endgame a true win and not just a "last man standing" type of mentality.

While the Pentagon took care of the war outside our borders they were more than happy to allow Congress and the state governments to take care of what was going on inside the country. Surprisingly, many that were blatant screw ups on the international playing field were actually fierce warriors with some sense on our home turf. The first that accomplished was that Canada and the US formed a mutual aid treaty and combined forces to secure our borders against enemies both foreign and domestic. And by domestic I mean that you could practice your Constitutional right and protest but if you were found to be participating in terrorism of some type, you were likely to find yourself on a transport and dropped off in a war zone and you could choose to fight … or you could die … but you didn't have time for sitting around making a nuisance of yourself. And the federal law already in place regarding crossing state lines to participate in violent protests and/or riots was strictly enforced. Immigrants, legal or otherwise, also found themselves caught up and shipped out to war zones. That type of deportation order could happen whether the person was male or female and aged fifteen or older. The rationale was that if you were old enough to learn to drive, you were old enough to learn to shoot.

With the worst of the "agitators and terrorists" under control – real or imagined – the federal government instituted a public works program. With most forms of fiat currency in the tank those in the know considered it too economically dangerous to just hand out dollars to a small cross section of the population they were putting to work so they did the next best thing … barter credits. And they actually did something quite brilliant; rather than paying people in credits by the hour they paid in work credits by the job. This gave people that were motivated the opportunity to complete as many jobs and/or projects as they could handle. It also gave people the opportunity to build a team and then share the resulting credits between them. It was like thousands of independent contractors were created overnight.

How we got involved in our area is that it started in salvaging. The town really was almost too big of a mess to be worth saving but there were some structures and a boatload of materials that would be a crime to waste. We'd already gotten quite a bit of salvaged building materials the year before; none of us seemed to want to play pioneer and live in what amounted to a log-style lean to. Our experience put us head and shoulders above the outside crews that were brought in and fairly soon Ashton became sought after anytime a particularly tricky problem arose. Obviously enough Reggie became the go to for demolition work when a little "boom" was required.

Jax was a good shade tree mechanic that helped keep the tools and machinery up and running until they found out he had some medical training. He was then reassigned to the small clinic that was erected in the old Town Green. The clinic served the work crews and anyone else that happened to be able to make their way there. Jax was finally getting the training he'd always wanted. I was proud of him. More importantly Jax began to be proud of himself and most of the baggage that he'd been carrying around finally disappeared.

Mr. Houchins grew his farm even more by taking over some of the other farms in the area. No one objected and the food was desperately needed. He traded food for the building supplies the reclamation crews salvaged. He would use those building supplies to build homes for his growing clan, taking the pressure off of the farmhouse and getting them out of the travel trailers and tents that were beginning to break down and need replacing.

The other thing Mr. Houchins traded his crops for were supplies for rebuilding Ray's Landing. There was a small tussle when the militia wanted to confiscate all of their work but peace reigned when that particular militia was discovered to not have registered with the state and were therefore not officially recognized or sanctioned. It also turned out that they were a militia in name only and were more akin to a roving band of thieves, living off of whomever was too weak to defend themselves. There were many such groups in those days and it took the end of the war to take away their excuse for existence.

During that second and then third year I went through a time where I wondered what I was supposed to do with my life, I was even maybe jealous. It came to a head when we found that Gennie's family – what remained of it – had been looking for her. Strangely it was Jules that had returned with the news.

He had indeed left during that second winter and we hadn't heard from him in two years. No one said it aloud but everyone, including Aiden, suspected he was dead. He hadn't died, he'd gotten drafted after being in a brawl at a refugee camp where he'd been trying to trace his family. While he was serving out his term he got friendly with the techs that ran the huge databases where they were trying to count the dead and the living. After his tour was over and he was released he simply continued working with them, doing what he could to reconnect families who'd been separated by the war, finding relatives willing to take guardianship of children orphaned by it, and reconnected families with their elders that were desperately in need of help themselves. It was a job that seemed to bring him a peace he hadn't had for a long, long time.

He put in everyone's information – except for Jax and I since he knew we knew about our own families – and eventually Gennie's information popped up that she was being sought. Knowing us he brought the news himself and he also told what he'd found out about the families. Reggie's father and brother had died not long after the initial attack when it was discovered they'd secretly taken items from the town that wound up being contaminated. In fact that happened to several of the adults on those buses that left and never came back. Ginger's family died in quarantine as did Ashley's. Ashton's parents were alive but refused, for a long time, to believe that Ashton was. Guilt is a powerful emotion and apparently they'd been baring quite a bit of it for some time. It was several years before they finally reunited and both sides could come to terms with what had happened. Everyone else's story lay somewhere between those two extremes and are theirs to tell if they want it published.

After Gennie left it was like a hole had opened up in my carefully constructed world. She and I had made truce and I'd done what I can to help her even if it was without any appreciation. She had a lot of issues and I had to accept that I just wasn't equipped to help her any further down her life road. It was then that I took a long look at myself and face my personal reality. I tried to deal with my regrets but only part way succeeded. I was never going to college. I was never going to be known as that smart girl that everyone thought was a little weird but had potential. Everyone was off finding their own path. I struggled to find my identity. Kelly and the twins were my life, as was the Home Place, but I was gazing off at that road not taken and wondering where it might have led.

I buried my frustrations the best that I could and put all of my energy into the kids and the farm. After all, most of the time it was back to just being me again. The others were building their own lives and didn't need me. Jax was spending a lot of time at the clinic in town and was too tired by the time he got home to really see what I was going through. I existed like this for months. And then the past reared its ugly head … only at the time I didn't recognize it for what it was.


	60. Hindsight is 2020 Part 2

Part 2

The past. The road not taken. The temptations of regret. I loved Kelly and the boys though even Kelly was slipping away from me, so it seemed at the time, as she started going with Jax to town during the week to attend the new school they had built. The boys weren't even babies anymore and Jax asked if they too could come to town to play with kids their own ages in the medical center's daycare.

I was alone. Very alone. I was in danger of slipping into the funk I had been after the terrorist attack … back to when my family was killed. I tried to fill my time with constructive things like I always had but somehow or other there just didn't seem a lot of point to it. No one needed me. Oh, they needed the things I provided for them but even that was less and less as the town started to provide more and more.

Then a letter came. It was innocuous, or so it seemed at the time. It had gone to the medical center and Jax had brought it home. Several such letters arrived in our town from some recovery effort group. The letter said that they were surveying farmers to find realistic and sustainable methods that fit with the limited resources we were experiencing back then. Jax encouraged me to respond with ideas otherwise I might have just thrown the letter in the trash. I let it sit on my desk out in the barn for almost a month before I decided to sketch out the pond that we were still dependent on though we managed it slightly different these days than we had when the pellet food was so easy to come by.

I didn't think another thing about it until another letter arrived for "Lydie Remington." This letter asked questions about the set up and whether it was a theoretical design or under current construction. Again I delayed responding as I was in the midst of three kids have colds and then doing battle with one myself. When I did respond I perhaps wasn't as careful as I should have been though I did say that I knew of one such in current production.

Then another letter, this one more personable and admiring. And more letters continued. In the old days I suppose I would have been ripe for some stupid online "romance" due to all of the things I was going through but in truth "romance" didn't have a thing to do with it. In all honestly it was simply vanity I suppose. I missed someone acting like I had answers, acting like I was … well … acting like I was smart. I'd been relegated to play a "hausfrau" and while I didn't resent it, and in fact enjoyed that position in my family … part of me was resentful when others acted like their "real jobs" were so much more necessary and integral to the continuation of our community. So it wasn't romance I was after even when Jax didn't seem to have the energy or time for it any longer. We were growing apart and he seemed to be taking the children with him.

No, what I wanted and needed was … companionship and conversation and the letter writer gave me that. I thought it was safe. I never wrote anything inappropriate and in turn made sure that I never encouraged anything inappropriate. All we ever talked about were projects and plans and theories. My brain seemed to come alive again. I felt like I was alive again. But most of all, while might have been alone most of the time, I no longer felt lonely.

And when I started building things again it wasn't to Jax that I went but to Ashton and Reggie. In hindsight that was a mistake but by that point I honestly didn't think Jax would care in the least. He'd gotten into the habit of falling asleep as soon as he'd eaten, there was never any talk between us. All he needed me for was to make sure that he and the children were fed and clothed.

I came to accept that as the reality. And without realizing it I had walled off the pain that feeling created. But rather than let a vacuum exist I replaced it with work and with … my letters … and then the projects. The projects I didn't discuss with Jax because I didn't think he cared.

I was out at the biofuel shed measuring to install a new vat system when I had a surprise visitor.

"Whoa, should you be out and about Ginger? You look about ready to pop," I told her as I led her back to the hose to offer her some cool water.

"I'm fine. Just came from the clinic as a matter of fact. Um …"

"I know that look. What is it?"

"I'm probably sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong."

"Has that ever stopped you?" I told her grinning. She wasn't smiling in return. "Okay, what's up and what I have I done wrong?"

"Huh? You?"

"Yeah. That's usually at the bottom of it. None of you ever come by for any other reason."

"Hey that's … uh … that's not …" She stopped and said, "Can we sit down?"

"Ginger what's wrong? Are you and Reggie …?"

"No! Absolutely not. As a matter of fact … everything is great and …"

"The baby?"

"Yeah. He's finally done with the over compensating. Look, just let me get this out. Are you and Jax … okay?"

I just blinked before sighing. "Something made you ask so what is it?"

"Uh …"

"C'mon Ginger, spit it out."

Then she did and where she expected to have to deal with an angry Lydie she got … nothing. "Well I suppose that explains why all he does is come home, eat dinner, and then goes to sleep. Why should he need to save a little of himself for me when there isn't anything left to share?"

"God Lydie … I … I …"

"Don't. It is what it is. He took the kids, now he's … never mind. Look, just forget you saw me. Go home. Have a good life. You and Reggie … you don't have to make the same mistakes your folks did so just … just have a good life. I'll figure this out."

I finally convinced her to leave. And when Jax came home I didn't say a word. Just watched him eat, play with the kids, and then fall asleep. But I was pretty sure that I was done.

The next day I cleaned up, made a list of things that I needed from town, and then I got on my bike and I pedaled to town. I looked around and noticed all of the changes, some of them the beginnings of what the town is today. I rode to the clinic and they wouldn't even allow me to see Kelly or the boys. Seems most of them didn't even know a mother was in the picture. God that hurt. I said I would take care of it and went to where I knew Jax had his office. I walked in and … I didn't catch them in the act but it cleared up the doubts I'd been having about my suspicions. I stood there are full five minutes before either of them even noticed me.

The woman noticed me first and blushed and said, "Um Dr. Remington a patient must have …"

"I don't have any patients scheduled Vicky. Who?"

Jax was slower but the look on his face when he saw who was standing there was more than I could take. It dawned across his face like the sunrises we used to watch together. It was a mixture of both guilt and sorrow. I slowly backed up and out of the office and left the building. He caught up with me before I could get on my bike.

"Lydie! It's not like it looks! I swear …"

"They wouldn't even let me see the kids."

"Uh … what?"

"Apparently no one realized there even was a mother in the picture much less that you were married. But … but you aren't are you? It just got away from you and … I just thought the words were enough."

"Lydie …"

"No. No I am not going to let myself believe some fairytale. Not this time. Not ever again. I believed you that you needed to be in town so much. I was so proud of you."

"Lydie …"

"Don't. Just don't Jax. I even believed you that the kids needed to come to town. To socialize with their children own age. So that you'd get a chance to see them here more because you worked such long hours. I even accepted that your work was so important that it was okay that you only came home to eat … and sleep. That's it. That's all you needed from me. A roof over your head, food, and a bed."

"Dammit Lydie, I said …"

"Uh uh. No. No more. See I know this feeling Jax. I just don't have any energy left to try and go out and find another family that might need me. Apparently you're needed here. And the kids want to be here with you. So … so fine."

"Lydie wait …!"

I finally got loose from him and got on my bike and rode off fast and hard. I didn't even stop when I heard him yell my name. I'd traveled the road I was on too many times … both physically and metaphorically; only this time I was careless. I still to this day don't know what hit me. All I know is that I was riding along … and then I wasn't.

I woke up in the back of a van. I could tell from the smell that it was one of the new, hybrid eco-fuel conversions. I knew the smell because I'd just finished building one for Jax to drive into town with the kids last month. It was one of the plans that I'd drawn out with my letter friend. I would have thought it was the one I had built except there were no car seats.

I sat up and took in my surroundings. I was sore all over and there was a horrible taste in my mouth, my knees were skinned, so was one elbow and an ear. I looked around and then suddenly I thought I must be hallucinating.

"Poor Lydie. Poor, poor Lydie. What's wrong? Did your Prince Charming finally show his true colors? Show how weak he was?"


	61. Hindsight is 2020 Part 3

Part 3

"Matt?" I looked again and then said, "God you look awful." And he did. He looked like he'd been in gaming purgatory for too long.

Briefly surprised then thorough affronted Matt snarled, "Of course. Your plebian tastes always were the first thing to give you away."

I was in no mood and told him so. "Get real Matt. What hole in hell did you crawl out of and what are you doing here?"

"I've come to see the fruition of my plans."

The world was slipping sideways. "You've what?"

"Wake up and keep up Lydie. Or did you really think that the little interlude you arranged would actually stop me."

I don't know why I said it. I was in shock … had been in some sort of shock since Ginger had come by the farm. Shock from seeing Jax smiling and laughing like I hadn't seen since the twins were babies it seemed. And now shock at seeing Matt. So I fell back on the old Lydie and her grade A snark. "Okay Maestro, enlighten me."

And he did … or that's what he thought he was doing but all he was really doing was blathering complete, nearly incomprehensible nonsense. Until he got to my letters.

"You were so easy to reel in. But you were so damn slow. Just like you always were. Slow. I needed those plans and you just were too damn slow."

After a few more rounds of blathering I realized he'd been my penpal and it hadn't been friendship being offered on the other end. He'd been pumping me, using me, to get plans that he then foisted off as his own. But it hadn't been the priority for me that it had been for him. I'd been doing it for companionship, he'd been doing it because he needed the designs we came up with. Then someone had figured it out and whatever stay-out-of-jail card he'd been using was vacated by the powers that be that held him. And he blamed me for that on top of everything else he'd already blamed me for.

Apropos of nothing I asked, "Where's your father?"

"Dead."

"Oh. Sorry."

"No you're not. You hated him."

"I disliked him, I didn't hate him."

"Yes you did!" he screamed. And then he said, "As you should have. He betrayed me like all the rest."

"Uh …"

"Never mind. You aren't capable of understanding. But it was at his betrayal that I knew what I had to do."

"Oh … uh … really?"

"You had to pay."

It was at that moment that my sense of survival started knocking on my consciousness. Matt was feeling the need to meet out some vengeance. I knew him too well to think that there wasn't going to be a lot of pain involved. 'Me? I thought you just said it was your dad who betrayed you."

"Don't try it Lydie. Don't try and play. This game – my game – is too deep, too intricate and ingenious. You'll lose. You've already lost," he said sounding so sane that he sounded crazy. "Get out."

Then he pointed some type of stunning device only I didn't know what the stupid looking little stick was until he triggered it. It basically hit me with a concentrated sound wave and the resulting force caused me to be pushed out of the back of the van's doors and onto the ground.

It was that stupid statue, the one I still hate - Chimera … or Venustas like they call it these days – that told me where we were. The old dam. The water was far below the embankment where it tumbled over the new boulders and other debris left from where I'd blown things up a few years earlier. I was feeling some serious déjà vu.

"Cute," I told him. "Come to finish the job?"

"In a nutshell? Yes. You've wasted too much of my time. Now I have it all in place once again. I'll …"

"You've got to be kidding me?" I said, despite everything feeling pity for him. "There is no way you are going to walk back in and …"

"I already have. It took me time but I've rebuilt my fledgling empire and now is the time to make sure that no one interferes again. With you gone they'll all fall apart."

"Seriously? Seriously?!" And then something snapped. I didn't go berserk, I've only done that a few more times in my life but of all the times that wasn't one of them. But something did snap. "You know my day has sucked quite enough as it is. Did you really have to bring your crazy train of stupidity and ignorance back around?!"

"Don't call me that!"

"Which? Stupid, ignorant, or crazy?!"

The expression on his face reminded me too much of wax head that had been left out in the sun too long. There was no one single emotion, but too many fighting for space and they kept morphing over and over. It was sick. And then he said, "I was going to draw this out but it is simply not worth it. You're dead Lydie. And good riddance."

Oh how quickly some people forget.

See when I said that Matt looked bad I hadn't been exaggerating. He didn't look like he got out in the sun very often and the handsome guy he had once been was gone. Wherever he'd been he hadn't been getting much exercise. He was soft and pudgy to go with pasty. I on the other hand I may have given up my books and such but I'd continued to work … and work hard.

But Matt had crazy on his side. That and his little stick of pain. He stunned me again and was rolling me to the edge before I could recover. But when I did I ripped the stick out of his hand and tossed it over the edge. All of the pain I was feeling just came pouring out of me.

Every statement was punctuated with a punch. "You are NOT going to waltz in here and take over. You are NOT going to just play us all for fools again. I am DONE with the pain you cause. I totally PITY you. You are CRAZY. I don't know who you THINK you are but MAESTRO you are no longer IF YOU EVER FREAKING WERE!"

"You can't do this to me!" he mewed, pawing at the ground where I'd left him. My mistake.

"Newsflash. I just did," I growled.

And then he gave one more effort and flew at me. Strong I was but he had the leverage of height and weight. We wrestled around on the ground and then he got a rock and tried to hit me with it. Did hit me a couple of times but nothing fatal no matter what he tried. But he did hurt me, that he did just like that other night. But unlike that other night I didn't think I had anything left to live for so when he got me up and was pushing me over, I didn't fight.

But before I couId go over someone was pulling me back and there was screaming. "No! No!"

A man yelled, "Arrest him!"

Matt sounded several bricks shy of a full load as he sing-songed, "Too late! Too late! Hahahahahahaha Too late! She knows. She knows all about you and how weak you are! She'll remember I never betrayed her like that! She knows who the better man is! You won't fix this! Too late! Too late!"

A different voice shouted the order, "Someone tranquilize that bastard already!"

Matt screamed, "No! I won't be thwarted! It's mine! It's … No!" And then I heard yelling and then I didn't hear anything else for a while.


	62. Hindsight is 2020 Part 4

Part 4

I couldn't open my eyes or move my arms and my nose itched. All of that was my first impression when I woke up. Only woke up probably isn't the medical term for it. I could hear but that's about it. I couldn't interact with my surroundings … or the people in them. I existed in twilight and could hear but not necessarily really comprehend.

"Jax you gotta stop this. It was a mistake."

"I'm telling you I didn't … okay, it was nice for … for someone to … to see … me … but … but I never … god I never did. Yeah, she offered but I never took her up on it. I didn't know about … about all that she was doing … my God … Lydie will never believe me. I've …"

Another voice sighed in fatigue and said, "Jax, man … give it a rest already. We all got played. Those government contracts were just too sweet to turn down. We all got caught up. We all got pulled away. None of us ever suspected that Matt was behind things."

"Reggie it isn't the same thing. And Lydie didn't get played."

"Oh yeah? And what were those letters we found?"

In a voice that sounded like someone had finally understood something, only too late, "A lonely woman thinking she had found a friend. That's all they were. No matter what Vicky tried to make them out to be. There wasn't anything like she said there was in them. I can at least tell her that I know … that I know she didn't fall for …"

Then it was like a switch flipped and a connection got made; like more than one piston had started to fire inside my brain. I was finally able to say, "My nose itches."

"Lydie?!"

"Where are the kidlets?"

"In their classes. I … I …"

"We're at the clinic? I can't … can't see."

"There are compresses on your eyes."

"How bad?"

"Lydie …"

"Just spit it out. I gotta make plans. The farm … need to get back. Just …"

It was Reggie that said, "Don't worry about it. Johnson said he will keep an eye on things."

"Fine. Take that away too. Whatever. Just leave me alone. I can deal. Like always. I'll figure things out."

I didn't know it at the time but there was a shocked silence in the room with everyone looking at each other, not knowing what to say. Before anyone could say anything I was unconscious again.

Next time I woke up it was to hear crying. "Kelly ..."

"I do have a mommy. I do! Don't let her leave!"

"Kelly, look at me. Lydie isn't going to leave. She's just … she's just … healing. That's all. She's healing and it has her tired out."

I heard more crying realized it must be the boys and then there was some shuffling sounds and then the room grew quiet. I was almost asleep again when the door opened. There were too many footsteps at one time for it to be one person and that proved to be true. Two female voices started talking.

"I had no idea the doctor had a wife. Did you?"

"I'd heard rumors but … Vicky … she seemed so sure and reasonable."

"Reasonable? Geez, she is one sick chick. And that man? The one that jumped over the side at the old dam? Have you heard who he was?"

"He fell is what I heard. And yeah, but better stay quiet about that. That Major Something-or-Other that has been prowling around … just better stay quiet about that."

"I suppose." She squawked and then said, "Okay, I get it. Stop pinching. But seriously, how could a good-looking guy like Doc R have a wife and no one know?"

"Look, it was a … um … a ploy. Vicky just … look, I don't know the details, I don't want to know the details. But the doc is really broke up about this and look at his kids. Whatever it is or was or whatever … it was real so … let's just leave it at that."

"Yeah. Yeah I suppose. It's just so strange."

Eventually they left after changing the sheets. I was sore from being moved around but I also felt better too. Then I heard the door again and wondered who was doing what next. A chair scraped across the floor and then I jumped when I felt something cool against my lips.

"Shhhh, I know you don't really hear me but it's alright Lydie. It's just ice chips. You were right, it was worth building the machine. It's been dead useful now that we've been able to secure the water source for it. Your mouth is a little … a little cut up. The ice will help with the swelling. Thank goodness he didn't crack any teeth but … but the inside of your mouth is cut up. I … I had to put stitches …" Then he just laid his head next to mind and I could hear him crying.

No, that couldn't be right. Crying? Jax? No. Uh uh.

"I've messed up so bad Lydie. But I swear … on my life … on Kelly and the boys … I was tempted but I never … never … gave in. I swear it Lydie. Please believe me. Please don't leave. Don't leave me. Don't leave the children. They're terrified you will. They … Vicky has been … talking to them … saying things. I didn't know. You have to help me Lydie. Kelly is … she's so confused. I don't know how this all happened. I mean I do … Matt … again … but … oh god Lydie, just come back to me. You've been asleep for so long … too long … please you have to wake up. I can't lose you. I deserve to but I can't. Please …"

I wanted to wake up at that point but something wouldn't let me. I tried and tried but then grew tired and all was black again.


	63. Hindsight is 2020 Part 5 - The End

Part 5

"How many times do I have to ask before someone let's me scratch my nose?"

That's what they said I said when I finally woke up. I don't remember so maybe I wasn't as awake as they thought but it was a beginning. I did remember the second time. It sounded like there were angry squirrels in the room. I turned my head and spotted Kelly and the boys pitching a fit as some woman tried to lead them from the room. I wasn't having it and rolled off the cot that I had been laying on trying to stand and get to them.

The children screamed and suddenly the room was too full of people. Jax picked me up and laid me back on the pallet despite the fact that I was fighting him. "Don't let her … take them …"

It took a few more minutes before things were sorted. The children had snuck away during lunch to come see me and the woman, one of the classroom aides, had been trying take them back to their class. From that point on I improved though my mouth was so sore that talking was difficult. And that made it even more difficult that people wouldn't stop talking to me. I was questioned by federal investigators. The old gang stopped by, ostensibly to cheer me up and cheer me on. The kids were non-stop magpies though that didn't really bother me except that it was hard to answer their many questions. And then there was Jax.

Jax looked awful. I hadn't seen him like this since … well the first dam incident.

"I'm not that hurt," I said slowly. "I don't see why I can't just go back to the farm."

"Because … because I … I …"

"Enough Jax, just let it go."

"You don't believe me."

"I suppose I do. I've had enough people tell me I should."

"But that's not you. You don't believe me."

"I believe you … that you didn't do anything."

"But."

"Jax, just let it go."

"I can't."

"Jax, I'm asking you to just … let … this … go."

He would have said more but he was called away to an emergency. And by that time I had gotten enough of my energy back that I refused to discuss it anymore and finally Jax didn't have any choice but to accept that.

Two days later I had had enough. I explained to the children that just like their father needed to be a doctor and take care of people I needed to go back to the farm and take care of it. I just wasn't made for town life … or for people sticking their noses into my business.

"Will you go away forever?"

"Of course not Kelly. Besides …"

Jax came into the room and said, "Besides, we'll be there with her."

The children were speechless. I was simply suspicious.

"You have your work," I told him. "Important work."

"I also have a family. The town has agreed to hire two more trained medical personnel … one of them is even going to be a trained surgeon. I … I still need to come in but it won't be for seven days a week for such long shifts."

"You need …"

"I need my family." He was looking at me so intensely I could only nod in resignation.

We rode back to the farm in the hybrid-conversion van and were met by Johnson who seemed relieved to see Jax. I got out and made my way inside to the kitchen and stood wondering what to fix for their supper.

Jax came in to find me and said, "I'll fix …"

All three kids yelped, "No!"

For some reason that struck me funny and then I remembered when he'd first come to the farm and insisted on eating the toast he had burnt and all I could do was hurry back out of the house and to the barn only there was no King Kong to cry to, he'd passed away the year before, already much older than most rabbits of his species, the last of my brother's "pets" to pass.

"Lydie?"

"I just needed some air Jax. I'll be right there."

Instead of letting me by he tentatively pulled me into his arms. "I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make things better but … I'm sorry. I guess I … I guess I just didn't want to see what was happening."

"Jax I told you I didn't …"

"I know what you said Lydie but I just … I just can't let it go."

"Well you're going to have to if you want us to move forward."

"Can we? Can we move forward?"

"Do you want to?"

"God yes. Of course."

"Then let it go. Matt was always really good at finding the chinks in people's armor. I don't know why. Most of the time it was too stupid easy for him to get away with it. It was just his talent. But he's gone. This time for good. We managed to survive him before. Let's just … let's just survive him this time too."

Was it easy? No. We were a long time dealing with how easy … how too easy … it had been to separate us. Jax had needs. I thought I was supporting those needs … maybe too much support if that makes sense. He thought I didn't need him anymore or that he could prove himself or something … never have been completely clear what it was. Jax never seemed to be completely clear about how he'd gone so far down a road that he'd almost gotten lost.

But eventually we grew up a little more. Found out we both had faults and weaknesses that we hadn't realized were there. They weren't big faults, big weaknesses, not individually but put together and acted on they nearly destroyed us. We found out it is usually the little stuff that will trip you up the most. We had thought dealing with the big stuff, triumphing over Matt the first time, that we'd won our own personal war. And we had … but just like the world had failed to completely heal, so had we. But from that point we did start healing … a healthy healing though there were set backs.

At one point I was in danger of sliding back into the loneliness and self-isolation that had been my go-to protection protocol, but then Jax up and convinced me to join some committee or other in town that was looking for sustainable living plans. And it grew from there. The farm was and still is my primary pursuit but I finally opened up to other experiences. The children were growing like weeds and then Jax and I added a few more to our team roster. We've been lucky that they all turned out more human than enviro-geek but a couple of the grandkids … well, you can't have everything I suppose. Kelly laughs when I say that. She followed her father in to the medical field as did the boys. Some of the younger kids have taken a swipe or two at farming but it didn't stick. It makes me a bit sad but then again, I'm an elder and older … but I don't feel so old I have to worry about what these days they call estate planning just yet.

Jax still works in town but only on special cases and for friends. He teaches more than anything these days. Some of his students are horrified by the stories he tells of the "old days." But then he'll get a call from one where they're blessing him for teaching them survival medicine because they were able to use it and save a life. I hope those skills aren't lost. Just like I hope small scale farming isn't lost. Machines can't do it all regardless of the techno-snobs' opinions.

Perhaps it is going to seem anticlimactic to some but I guess the bottom line for this memoir is that … life happens. You might try and white wash it but eventually the stains will come through. Like with Matt. We tried to do it not once, but twice. He really was certifiable when he fell over the edge of the old dam trying to run away. At least I think he fell. There's some that says he jumped … some that said he was pushed. I'm not sure I want to know. Regardless it was tragic. And yes, despite all the evil that Matt did I can still say his death was tragic.

What was his father's betrayal? At some point his father realized how unstable Matt was. It was likely when he found out about how he was continuing to manipulate people to try and get back to the town to reboot his "empire." No one will ever know exactly what happened. They didn't find Matt's father's body for almost a week. But the notes that his father had left, found after Matt's own death, indicated he'd meant to take his son to a mental health facility and quietly have him committed, that he'd hoped that it was simply a form of PTSD or something similar, and eventually he and Matt would continue working together for the betterment of mankind. Matt's father was a bit of a narcissist but how different things might have been had he succeeded in getting Matt sufficient help.

But none of that came out for years. Out west Matt had a following. I wouldn't say it quite qualified as a cult but it wasn't far from it … and he was held up as some kind of martyr for many years. Then like always, the stains started showing through the white wash and the truth came out. For those of us left from that time, rehashing it was sometimes painful but so's life on occasion. Either way it didn't destroy us anymore than Matt had been able to destroy us while he was alive. It reinforced that it isn't the outside that matters, it isn't always how smart or dumb you are either, it is what is on the inside in your heart. Your motivations are what truly dictate who you are.

And the years have continued to roll by. Some of the old gang didn't last that long in this new world. Some of them thrived in it … and still do. Their stories are their stories. I'll let them tell it if they want to.


End file.
